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'Little Safe Place' Boxes Give Them Tools.","publishDate":1713261628,"format":"standard","headTitle":"Young Children Need Help Identifying Emotions. ‘Little Safe Place’ Boxes Give Them Tools. | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When Jenny Kist’s students walk through the classroom door every morning, they take out their “little safe place” boxes. Made to be a portable version of a calming physical space in Kist’s early childhood education classroom, these small plastic pencil boxes hold everything Kist’s students need throughout the day to practice \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62194/is-social-emotional-learning-effective-new-meta-analysis-adds-to-evidence-but-debate-persists\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">self-regulation and emotional identification\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Developed when Kist’s classroom went virtual after the onset of covid, “little safe place” boxes are now a mainstay for Kist’s three to five year-old students. Each student is provided with their own box and practices self-regulating breathing techniques, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58790/why-kindness-and-emotional-literacy-matters-in-raising-kids\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">providing compassion and empathy towards others\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and labeling and expressing their emotions throughout the school day.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist, an early childhood educator with 27 years of experience, works at a school that follows the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://consciousdiscipline.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Conscious Discipline\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> framework, which is rooted in social-emotional learning and trauma-informed practices, and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://teachingstrategies.com/product/the-creative-curriculum-for-preschool/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Creative Curriculum\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a project-based early learning framework. Her school also encourages building a “school family” in order to foster safety and connection among the students, faculty and staff. For Kist, a big part of providing safety and connection in her classroom comes from \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61233/why-cultivating-emotional-intelligence-among-toddlers-has-become-more-urgent\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">helping young learners identify and process their emotions\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and “little safe place” boxes are a tool for that.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“Being aware of your emotions is the first step in learning how to regulate them,” said \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cara Goodwin\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a child psychologist and author of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/tag/parenting-translator\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Parenting Translator newsletter\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Identifying and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62501/want-your-kids-to-be-happier-and-healthier-start-talking-with-them-about-uncomfortable-emotions\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">expressing emotions\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are “essential for the development of empathy and for maintaining healthy social relationships,” Goodwin continued.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>“Little safe place” boxes\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist starts the school year by introducing her young students to the four basic emotions: happy, sad, angry and scared. She spends a week on each one, starting with happiness, and uses books, songs, and other classroom visuals as learning aids. Kist continues like this until students are well acquainted with the concepts inside of the “little safe place” boxes. Then she distributes a box to each child.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63571\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63571\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-800x1067.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1020x1360.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-160x213.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-768x1024.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Jenny Kist created a “My Little Safe Place” box for every student in her early childhood classroom. It contains tools for emotional identification and regulation. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Jenny Kist)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After that, each morning Kist guides students through using the different tools in their boxes. They take out a card that has faces for the four basic feelings and mark which feeling they identify with that morning. Then, the children take out their breathing strategy card, which has four different icons that indicate different breathing strategies that they have learned. The boxes also have a card in them that remind the students of what Kist calls “I love you” rituals – nursery rhymes with the lyrics changed and designed to help students with attachment and connection. Students practice an “I love you” ritual one-on-one with a classroom adult each morning.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist’s “little safe place” boxes are modeled from the self-regulation and emotional identification tools in the “safe place” corner of her classroom, an area that also contains a rug and pillows to comfort students. In a moment of dysregulation, whether the student is using the box or the safe place corner, a classroom adult can guide them to use these tools to recognize and move through their emotions. Each student also has a family photo in their box. “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63086/when-family-tree-projects-frustrate-students-community-maps-are-an-inclusive-alternative\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Connections to home\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are just so helpful if they’re upset about anything,” said Kist.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Learning to identify emotions\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Identifying emotions is a complex process. For young children the first steps in this process are learning to recognize facial expressions, tone of voice and body language, according to Goodwin, the child psychologist. They also need to learn to label those context clues with language.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to Goodwin, children should be able to identify emotions by around three or four years old. Although most children will learn how to identify emotions naturally through social interaction, parents and educators can facilitate that learning. “The biggest thing you can do is just talk about emotions,” she said. Taking opportunities to talk about and label your own emotions or the emotions expressed in a children’s TV show or book can be helpful. It is also helpful for parents and educators to label emotions that a child is expressing for them so that “in the future they can then learn to label it themselves,” Goodwin said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To help students \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62290/teaching-kids-the-right-way-to-say-im-sorry\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">build empathy\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, Goodwin recommends parents and educators ask young children what a character in a book or tv show might be feeling, and why they might be feeling that way. One activity that Goodwin has found useful in her personal and professional life is “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://rainbowdays.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rainbow-Days-SEL-Resource-Feelings-Charades-on-website.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">feeling charades\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.” In this game, both children and adults act out a feeling, while the other participants guess what feeling they are expressing. Feeling charades can also be played with puppets or toys.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Learning to regulate emotions\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In Kist’s classroom, students practice emotional regulation strategies throughout the day, not just when there’s a peer conflict or an individual child is distressed. “You can’t teach it when they’re in the middle of it,” Kist said. When a child is upset, she takes time to acknowledge the student’s feelings, reflect back to them what their face is expressing and suggest an emotion that they might be feeling. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist’s students also practice different breathing techniques throughout the day. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63039/to-help-students-deal-with-trauma-this-school-holds-mindfulness-lessons-over-the-loudspeaker\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Breathing exercises can be helpful for self-regulation\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but young children need concrete explanations, so the techniques Kist uses have a symbol, such as a star or a balloon. The visual reminders are printed on a small laminated page in their “little safe place” box. When a student needs to access deep breathing, they can pull out their breathing card and choose an exercise. Kist and her students also make up their own breathing exercises, always involving a physical aspect like deep breathing while swinging their leg to kick an imaginary ball.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63512\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-63512 size-medium\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-800x600.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-160x120.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-768x576.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1536x1152.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-2048x1536.jpg 2048w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1920x1440.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The “safe place” corner of Jenny Kist’s classroom contains a rug and pillows to comfort students, as well as tools to help them identify and process their feelings. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Jenny Kist)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Goodwin suggested encouraging children to breathe in through their nose and out through their mouth by pretending to smell a flower and blow out a candle. This can be given as a verbal explanation, but can also be helped by using fake flowers and candles, or even drawings for children to reference. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Goodwin also uses \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiMb2Bw4Ae8\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">belly breathing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, where young children put their hands on their bellies as they breathe to feel how their abdomen expands and contracts with each breath, as well as \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKdApTxsDP0\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">five-finger breathing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, where children trace their fingers on one hand with the index finger on their other hand as they take slow breaths, one per finger. Teaching these techniques can be frustrating because kids at this age are easily distracted and learning these skills for the first time. It “just takes like a lot of modeling,” and “a lot of reminding,” said Goodwin.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>COVID-19 origins and ongoing impact\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist originally created the “my little safe place” boxes when the early learning center went virtual in spring 2020 because of the COVID-19 pandemic. During the unfamiliar experience of virtual learning, she wanted to find a way to provide a portable and accessible version of the safe space corner for each student.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Initially, not every student was given a “little safe place” box. But as she saw how helpful they were to the students that she had given them to during at home learning, Kist decided that every student in her classroom should have one. Since incorporating the boxes in her in-person classroom, she has seen students bring other students their boxes in moments of dysregulation. She has also seen some of her young learners singing their “I love you” nursery rhymes with each other unprompted.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to Goodwin, we don’t yet have enough data to determine if distance learning had \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61310/are-the-pandemic-babies-and-kids-ok\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">any long-term effects\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> on young children’s ability to identify and process emotions, but she is encouraged by the knowledge that children’s brains are very plastic. There is a sensitive period for developing the skills to process emotions, but that “doesn’t mean that’s the only time you can learn those skills,” Goodwin said. At the same time, she added, it doesn’t hurt for parents and educators to focus on educating young children on emotional and social emotional skills that they may have missed out on during the early years of the pandemic.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"In Jenny Kist's preschool classroom, small plastic pencil boxes hold everything kids need to practice self-regulation and emotional identification.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1714405946,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":19,"wordCount":1500},"headData":{"title":"Young Children Need Help Identifying Emotions. 'Little Safe Place' Boxes Give Them Tools. | KQED","description":"In Jenny Kist's preschool classroom, small plastic pencil boxes hold everything kids need to practice self-regulation and emotional identification.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"In Jenny Kist's preschool classroom, small plastic pencil boxes hold everything kids need to practice self-regulation and emotional identification.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Young Children Need Help Identifying Emotions. 'Little Safe Place' Boxes Give Them Tools.","datePublished":"2024-04-16T10:00:28.000Z","dateModified":"2024-04-29T15:52:26.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/63506/young-children-need-help-identifying-emotions-little-safe-place-boxes-give-them-tools","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When Jenny Kist’s students walk through the classroom door every morning, they take out their “little safe place” boxes. Made to be a portable version of a calming physical space in Kist’s early childhood education classroom, these small plastic pencil boxes hold everything Kist’s students need throughout the day to practice \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62194/is-social-emotional-learning-effective-new-meta-analysis-adds-to-evidence-but-debate-persists\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">self-regulation and emotional identification\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Developed when Kist’s classroom went virtual after the onset of covid, “little safe place” boxes are now a mainstay for Kist’s three to five year-old students. Each student is provided with their own box and practices self-regulating breathing techniques, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58790/why-kindness-and-emotional-literacy-matters-in-raising-kids\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">providing compassion and empathy towards others\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and labeling and expressing their emotions throughout the school day.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist, an early childhood educator with 27 years of experience, works at a school that follows the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://consciousdiscipline.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Conscious Discipline\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> framework, which is rooted in social-emotional learning and trauma-informed practices, and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://teachingstrategies.com/product/the-creative-curriculum-for-preschool/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Creative Curriculum\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a project-based early learning framework. Her school also encourages building a “school family” in order to foster safety and connection among the students, faculty and staff. For Kist, a big part of providing safety and connection in her classroom comes from \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61233/why-cultivating-emotional-intelligence-among-toddlers-has-become-more-urgent\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">helping young learners identify and process their emotions\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and “little safe place” boxes are a tool for that.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“Being aware of your emotions is the first step in learning how to regulate them,” said \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cara Goodwin\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a child psychologist and author of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/tag/parenting-translator\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Parenting Translator newsletter\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Identifying and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62501/want-your-kids-to-be-happier-and-healthier-start-talking-with-them-about-uncomfortable-emotions\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">expressing emotions\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are “essential for the development of empathy and for maintaining healthy social relationships,” Goodwin continued.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>“Little safe place” boxes\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist starts the school year by introducing her young students to the four basic emotions: happy, sad, angry and scared. She spends a week on each one, starting with happiness, and uses books, songs, and other classroom visuals as learning aids. Kist continues like this until students are well acquainted with the concepts inside of the “little safe place” boxes. Then she distributes a box to each child.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63571\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63571\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-800x1067.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1020x1360.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-160x213.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-768x1024.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Jenny Kist created a “My Little Safe Place” box for every student in her early childhood classroom. It contains tools for emotional identification and regulation. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Jenny Kist)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After that, each morning Kist guides students through using the different tools in their boxes. They take out a card that has faces for the four basic feelings and mark which feeling they identify with that morning. Then, the children take out their breathing strategy card, which has four different icons that indicate different breathing strategies that they have learned. The boxes also have a card in them that remind the students of what Kist calls “I love you” rituals – nursery rhymes with the lyrics changed and designed to help students with attachment and connection. Students practice an “I love you” ritual one-on-one with a classroom adult each morning.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist’s “little safe place” boxes are modeled from the self-regulation and emotional identification tools in the “safe place” corner of her classroom, an area that also contains a rug and pillows to comfort students. In a moment of dysregulation, whether the student is using the box or the safe place corner, a classroom adult can guide them to use these tools to recognize and move through their emotions. Each student also has a family photo in their box. “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63086/when-family-tree-projects-frustrate-students-community-maps-are-an-inclusive-alternative\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Connections to home\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are just so helpful if they’re upset about anything,” said Kist.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Learning to identify emotions\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Identifying emotions is a complex process. For young children the first steps in this process are learning to recognize facial expressions, tone of voice and body language, according to Goodwin, the child psychologist. They also need to learn to label those context clues with language.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to Goodwin, children should be able to identify emotions by around three or four years old. Although most children will learn how to identify emotions naturally through social interaction, parents and educators can facilitate that learning. “The biggest thing you can do is just talk about emotions,” she said. Taking opportunities to talk about and label your own emotions or the emotions expressed in a children’s TV show or book can be helpful. It is also helpful for parents and educators to label emotions that a child is expressing for them so that “in the future they can then learn to label it themselves,” Goodwin said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To help students \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62290/teaching-kids-the-right-way-to-say-im-sorry\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">build empathy\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, Goodwin recommends parents and educators ask young children what a character in a book or tv show might be feeling, and why they might be feeling that way. One activity that Goodwin has found useful in her personal and professional life is “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://rainbowdays.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rainbow-Days-SEL-Resource-Feelings-Charades-on-website.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">feeling charades\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.” In this game, both children and adults act out a feeling, while the other participants guess what feeling they are expressing. Feeling charades can also be played with puppets or toys.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Learning to regulate emotions\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In Kist’s classroom, students practice emotional regulation strategies throughout the day, not just when there’s a peer conflict or an individual child is distressed. “You can’t teach it when they’re in the middle of it,” Kist said. When a child is upset, she takes time to acknowledge the student’s feelings, reflect back to them what their face is expressing and suggest an emotion that they might be feeling. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist’s students also practice different breathing techniques throughout the day. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63039/to-help-students-deal-with-trauma-this-school-holds-mindfulness-lessons-over-the-loudspeaker\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Breathing exercises can be helpful for self-regulation\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but young children need concrete explanations, so the techniques Kist uses have a symbol, such as a star or a balloon. The visual reminders are printed on a small laminated page in their “little safe place” box. When a student needs to access deep breathing, they can pull out their breathing card and choose an exercise. Kist and her students also make up their own breathing exercises, always involving a physical aspect like deep breathing while swinging their leg to kick an imaginary ball.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63512\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-63512 size-medium\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-800x600.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-160x120.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-768x576.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1536x1152.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-2048x1536.jpg 2048w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1920x1440.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The “safe place” corner of Jenny Kist’s classroom contains a rug and pillows to comfort students, as well as tools to help them identify and process their feelings. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Jenny Kist)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Goodwin suggested encouraging children to breathe in through their nose and out through their mouth by pretending to smell a flower and blow out a candle. This can be given as a verbal explanation, but can also be helped by using fake flowers and candles, or even drawings for children to reference. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Goodwin also uses \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiMb2Bw4Ae8\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">belly breathing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, where young children put their hands on their bellies as they breathe to feel how their abdomen expands and contracts with each breath, as well as \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKdApTxsDP0\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">five-finger breathing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, where children trace their fingers on one hand with the index finger on their other hand as they take slow breaths, one per finger. Teaching these techniques can be frustrating because kids at this age are easily distracted and learning these skills for the first time. It “just takes like a lot of modeling,” and “a lot of reminding,” said Goodwin.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>COVID-19 origins and ongoing impact\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist originally created the “my little safe place” boxes when the early learning center went virtual in spring 2020 because of the COVID-19 pandemic. During the unfamiliar experience of virtual learning, she wanted to find a way to provide a portable and accessible version of the safe space corner for each student.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Initially, not every student was given a “little safe place” box. But as she saw how helpful they were to the students that she had given them to during at home learning, Kist decided that every student in her classroom should have one. Since incorporating the boxes in her in-person classroom, she has seen students bring other students their boxes in moments of dysregulation. She has also seen some of her young learners singing their “I love you” nursery rhymes with each other unprompted.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to Goodwin, we don’t yet have enough data to determine if distance learning had \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61310/are-the-pandemic-babies-and-kids-ok\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">any long-term effects\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> on young children’s ability to identify and process emotions, but she is encouraged by the knowledge that children’s brains are very plastic. There is a sensitive period for developing the skills to process emotions, but that “doesn’t mean that’s the only time you can learn those skills,” Goodwin said. At the same time, she added, it doesn’t hurt for parents and educators to focus on educating young children on emotional and social emotional skills that they may have missed out on during the early years of the pandemic.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/63506/young-children-need-help-identifying-emotions-little-safe-place-boxes-give-them-tools","authors":["11759"],"categories":["mindshift_194","mindshift_21280","mindshift_21385","mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_20720","mindshift_21157","mindshift_20699","mindshift_841","mindshift_152","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_63511","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_63456":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_63456","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"63456","score":null,"sort":[1712106598000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"6-ways-educators-can-bolster-boys-social-skills","title":"6 Ways Educators Can Bolster Boys’ Social Skills","publishDate":1712106598,"format":"standard","headTitle":"6 Ways Educators Can Bolster Boys’ Social Skills | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">On a Thursday evening in January, parents sat at cafeteria tables with sixth-graders, eating pasta and discussing scripted questions, including “How does someone earn your trust?” and “What makes a good friend?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“So many boys describe feelings of loneliness, of having friends but longing for someone they can confide in about hard feelings,” said Adam Diaz, a school counselor and my colleague at Landon School, an independent boys school in Bethesda, Maryland. We designed this activity at the school’s annual spaghetti dinner to encourage conversation among caregivers and students about \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63184/when-parents-know-these-4-phases-of-friendship-they-can-help-their-child-make-friends-more-easily\">healthy friendships\u003c/a>. “This was an opportunity for the boys to practice social skills and for parents to model being honest and vulnerable,” Diaz continued.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At a time when \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34898234/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">rates of loneliness\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are rising among young adults and researchers report that 15- to 24-year-olds spend nearly \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">70% less time\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> socializing in-person with friends than they did two decades ago, boys face some distinct challenges.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For instance, in their 2021 report, “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.boyhoodinitiative.org/sites/default/files/2023-06/State-of-American-Boys-Report.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The State of America’s Boys: An Urgent Case for a More Connected Boyhood\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">,” researchers Michael Reichert and Joseph Derrick Nelson note that boys feel \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57024/for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections\">pressure to conform to societal expectations about masculinity\u003c/a>, such as being stoic, dominant and competitive. That may help explain why boys are more likely to experience physical and verbal bullying and why they’re less academically engaged than girls.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Here are six ways \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54878/how-strengthening-relationships-with-boys-can-help-them-learn\">educators can help boys\u003c/a> acquire the skills and traits they need to strengthen their relationships and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">thrive at school\u003c/a>.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>1. Connect the dots between self-regulation and reputation \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys can turn off peers by calling out in class or elbowing a classmate. To \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/53132/concrete-ways-to-help-students-self-regulate-and-prioritize-work\">help them self-regulate\u003c/a>, Diaz prompts boys to consider questions such as, “Can I sit next to someone whose presence calms me down?” and “Can I write down any questions I have before raising my hand?”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://news.fullerton.edu/press-release/child-development-expert-why-boys-are-falling-behind-in-education/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Ioakim Boutakidis\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, professor of child and adolescent studies at California State University, Fullerton, notes that t\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">he self-regulatory components of the brain aren’t integrated as quickly in boys as in girls\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and “boys \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">that have a harder time picking up on social cues are often the most aggressive because they misinterpret accidental gestures as malicious intent.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Scripts are created,” Boutakidis said, and students pick up on teachers’ attitudes toward students, too. To help repair a struggling student’s reputation, try to set them up for success and praise them publicly.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>2. Distinguish between “funny, mean and in-between” comments\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys are more likely to make a comment like, “‘You’re such an idiot; I can’t believe I hang out with you’ – said while smiling and patting them on the back,” said \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/mitchprinstein\">Mitch Prinstein\u003c/a>, chief s\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">cience officer for the American Psychological Association\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “It’s a way to express vulnerability but also be dominant.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Joking can be misinterpreted and lead to fights,” added \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.mrhealthteacher.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Christopher Pepper\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a teacher who coordinates boys’ groups in San Francisco Public Schools. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">He encourages boys to “lean into sincerity rather than hide behind ‘can’t you take a joke?’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/ryanwexelblatt\">Ryan Wexelblatt\u003c/a>, the director of ADHD Dude, which offers in-person \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.adhddude.com/social-programs\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">social skills programs\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> for boys in Tucson, Arizona, teaches boys that there are some things you shouldn’t joke about, such as\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> physical appearance and race.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When I teach health and wellness in schools, I have students act out comments like “Oh, you got a haircut” or “We already have enough players on our team,” then determine whether it’s “nice, mean or in-between.” They quickly realize that the same comment can be perceived as mean or inoffensive depending on someone’s word choice, tone and past interactions with you.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb style=\"font-size: 24px\">3. Provide structured social opportunities \u003c/b>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Adults have to take responsibility for creating structured engagement with young folks,” said \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/darylhowardphd\">Daryl Howard\u003c/a>, director of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://bondeducators.org/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Building Our Network of Diversity (BOND) Project\u003c/span>\u003c/a> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">and chair of the Maryland department of education’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://marylandpublicschools.org/programs/Pages/AAEEBB/index.aspx\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Advisory Council on Achieving Academic Equity and Excellence for Black Boys\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When Howard facilitates BOND boys groups, he starts each session with a community circle “so no one can sit by themselves or play on devices.” The boys introduce themselves and share a personal update, with the goal of helping them find connection points so they can interact more comfortably on their own, he explained.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At Sterling Hall, a boys school in Toronto, Ontario, students can join a group tailored to their needs or sign up to eat lunch with a “mystery teacher,” said Catriona Gallienne, the school’s director of student success. All students start the day with a 30-minute period designated for social-emotional learning, such as an assembly, health class or community circles.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">During circle time, boys might talk about a challenge at home or express frustration over how teams are picked at recess, said Rick Parsons, principal of Sterling Hall. “Inevitably, someone will validate their experience or share, ‘This is what happened to me.’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The circles normalize boys’ experiences and combat harmful stereotypes about needing to “go it alone,” said Andrew Reiner, \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.harpercollins.com/products/better-boys-better-men-andrew-reiner\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “They see that they not only have permission to open up, but it’s going to be met with support.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>4. Help boys socialize informally\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys who feel awkward might opt out of recess, lunch and other unstructured social time. To ease their discomfort, schools can add Spikeball games or extra balls to outdoor areas, designate a board game table in the cafeteria, or hold chess club meetings during lunch.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“I tell elementary schools, ‘have a Lego cart outside,’ but some \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60253/play-is-crucial-for-middle-schoolers-too\">teenagers like that too\u003c/a>,” said \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/katiefhurley\">Katie Hurley\u003c/a>, \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a child and adolescent psychotherapist and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://jedfoundation.org/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Jed Foundation’s\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> senior clinical adviser for external affairs.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">View spaces with an eye to optimizing interaction. For instance, Hurley visited a school where students gather on couches in the hallway.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>5. Recognize that some boys need more help\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Some students may need more help understanding the unwritten rules of socializing, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61966/how-parents-can-help-children-with-adhd-thrive-in-friendships\">including boys with ADHD\u003c/a>. “Some kids with an inattentive profile are what I call the stick collectors,” Wexelblatt said. “They get caught up in their own world and walk around the perimeter collecting sticks.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys with an impulsive profile can be more emotionally reactive, he said. “They might think they’re being bullied, but other kids find them controlling or just don’t want to do what they’re doing.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Praise boys for being flexible or showing interest in peers’ ideas. Diaz prompts students to ponder questions such as\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “How close do you stand to someone? How do you ask a question? What’s okay to ask?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>6. Make caring for others a shared responsibility\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At Sterling Hall, Parsons said, educators have a saying: “Big boys look out for themselves; bigger boys look out for others.” To that end, older students mentor younger students, and eighth-grade boys partner with younger students to paint a buddy bench on the playground. If a student has no one to play with, they sit on the buddy bench.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Every boy is responsible for making sure no one is sitting on the buddy bench,” Parsons explained, adding that no one sits there for more than 60 seconds. As he noted, “boys want to be leaders, to be good, to look out for others and to get affirmation for that. Belonging is everything.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://phyllisfagell.com/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Phyllis L. Fagell\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a licensed clinical professional counselor and professional school counselor, is the author of \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/phyllis-l-fagell/middle-school-matters/9780738235080/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Middle School Matters\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/phyllis-l-fagell/middle-school-superpowers/9780306829758/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Young adults spend nearly 70% less time socializing in-person with friends than they did two decades ago, and boys face some distinct challenges.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1712151777,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":29,"wordCount":1360},"headData":{"title":"6 Ways Educators Can Bolster Boys’ Social Skills | KQED","description":"Young adults spend nearly 70% less time socializing in-person with friends than they did two decades ago, and boys face some distinct challenges.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"Young adults spend nearly 70% less time socializing in-person with friends than they did two decades ago, and boys face some distinct challenges.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"6 Ways Educators Can Bolster Boys’ Social Skills","datePublished":"2024-04-03T01:09:58.000Z","dateModified":"2024-04-03T13:42:57.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"nprByline":"Phyllis L. Fagell","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/63456/6-ways-educators-can-bolster-boys-social-skills","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">On a Thursday evening in January, parents sat at cafeteria tables with sixth-graders, eating pasta and discussing scripted questions, including “How does someone earn your trust?” and “What makes a good friend?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“So many boys describe feelings of loneliness, of having friends but longing for someone they can confide in about hard feelings,” said Adam Diaz, a school counselor and my colleague at Landon School, an independent boys school in Bethesda, Maryland. We designed this activity at the school’s annual spaghetti dinner to encourage conversation among caregivers and students about \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63184/when-parents-know-these-4-phases-of-friendship-they-can-help-their-child-make-friends-more-easily\">healthy friendships\u003c/a>. “This was an opportunity for the boys to practice social skills and for parents to model being honest and vulnerable,” Diaz continued.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At a time when \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34898234/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">rates of loneliness\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are rising among young adults and researchers report that 15- to 24-year-olds spend nearly \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">70% less time\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> socializing in-person with friends than they did two decades ago, boys face some distinct challenges.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For instance, in their 2021 report, “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.boyhoodinitiative.org/sites/default/files/2023-06/State-of-American-Boys-Report.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The State of America’s Boys: An Urgent Case for a More Connected Boyhood\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">,” researchers Michael Reichert and Joseph Derrick Nelson note that boys feel \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57024/for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections\">pressure to conform to societal expectations about masculinity\u003c/a>, such as being stoic, dominant and competitive. That may help explain why boys are more likely to experience physical and verbal bullying and why they’re less academically engaged than girls.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Here are six ways \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54878/how-strengthening-relationships-with-boys-can-help-them-learn\">educators can help boys\u003c/a> acquire the skills and traits they need to strengthen their relationships and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">thrive at school\u003c/a>.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>1. Connect the dots between self-regulation and reputation \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys can turn off peers by calling out in class or elbowing a classmate. To \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/53132/concrete-ways-to-help-students-self-regulate-and-prioritize-work\">help them self-regulate\u003c/a>, Diaz prompts boys to consider questions such as, “Can I sit next to someone whose presence calms me down?” and “Can I write down any questions I have before raising my hand?”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://news.fullerton.edu/press-release/child-development-expert-why-boys-are-falling-behind-in-education/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Ioakim Boutakidis\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, professor of child and adolescent studies at California State University, Fullerton, notes that t\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">he self-regulatory components of the brain aren’t integrated as quickly in boys as in girls\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and “boys \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">that have a harder time picking up on social cues are often the most aggressive because they misinterpret accidental gestures as malicious intent.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Scripts are created,” Boutakidis said, and students pick up on teachers’ attitudes toward students, too. To help repair a struggling student’s reputation, try to set them up for success and praise them publicly.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>2. Distinguish between “funny, mean and in-between” comments\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys are more likely to make a comment like, “‘You’re such an idiot; I can’t believe I hang out with you’ – said while smiling and patting them on the back,” said \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/mitchprinstein\">Mitch Prinstein\u003c/a>, chief s\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">cience officer for the American Psychological Association\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “It’s a way to express vulnerability but also be dominant.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Joking can be misinterpreted and lead to fights,” added \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.mrhealthteacher.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Christopher Pepper\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a teacher who coordinates boys’ groups in San Francisco Public Schools. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">He encourages boys to “lean into sincerity rather than hide behind ‘can’t you take a joke?’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/ryanwexelblatt\">Ryan Wexelblatt\u003c/a>, the director of ADHD Dude, which offers in-person \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.adhddude.com/social-programs\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">social skills programs\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> for boys in Tucson, Arizona, teaches boys that there are some things you shouldn’t joke about, such as\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> physical appearance and race.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When I teach health and wellness in schools, I have students act out comments like “Oh, you got a haircut” or “We already have enough players on our team,” then determine whether it’s “nice, mean or in-between.” They quickly realize that the same comment can be perceived as mean or inoffensive depending on someone’s word choice, tone and past interactions with you.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb style=\"font-size: 24px\">3. Provide structured social opportunities \u003c/b>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Adults have to take responsibility for creating structured engagement with young folks,” said \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/darylhowardphd\">Daryl Howard\u003c/a>, director of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://bondeducators.org/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Building Our Network of Diversity (BOND) Project\u003c/span>\u003c/a> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">and chair of the Maryland department of education’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://marylandpublicschools.org/programs/Pages/AAEEBB/index.aspx\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Advisory Council on Achieving Academic Equity and Excellence for Black Boys\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When Howard facilitates BOND boys groups, he starts each session with a community circle “so no one can sit by themselves or play on devices.” The boys introduce themselves and share a personal update, with the goal of helping them find connection points so they can interact more comfortably on their own, he explained.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At Sterling Hall, a boys school in Toronto, Ontario, students can join a group tailored to their needs or sign up to eat lunch with a “mystery teacher,” said Catriona Gallienne, the school’s director of student success. All students start the day with a 30-minute period designated for social-emotional learning, such as an assembly, health class or community circles.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">During circle time, boys might talk about a challenge at home or express frustration over how teams are picked at recess, said Rick Parsons, principal of Sterling Hall. “Inevitably, someone will validate their experience or share, ‘This is what happened to me.’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The circles normalize boys’ experiences and combat harmful stereotypes about needing to “go it alone,” said Andrew Reiner, \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.harpercollins.com/products/better-boys-better-men-andrew-reiner\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “They see that they not only have permission to open up, but it’s going to be met with support.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>4. Help boys socialize informally\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys who feel awkward might opt out of recess, lunch and other unstructured social time. To ease their discomfort, schools can add Spikeball games or extra balls to outdoor areas, designate a board game table in the cafeteria, or hold chess club meetings during lunch.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“I tell elementary schools, ‘have a Lego cart outside,’ but some \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60253/play-is-crucial-for-middle-schoolers-too\">teenagers like that too\u003c/a>,” said \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/katiefhurley\">Katie Hurley\u003c/a>, \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a child and adolescent psychotherapist and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://jedfoundation.org/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Jed Foundation’s\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> senior clinical adviser for external affairs.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">View spaces with an eye to optimizing interaction. For instance, Hurley visited a school where students gather on couches in the hallway.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>5. Recognize that some boys need more help\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Some students may need more help understanding the unwritten rules of socializing, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61966/how-parents-can-help-children-with-adhd-thrive-in-friendships\">including boys with ADHD\u003c/a>. “Some kids with an inattentive profile are what I call the stick collectors,” Wexelblatt said. “They get caught up in their own world and walk around the perimeter collecting sticks.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys with an impulsive profile can be more emotionally reactive, he said. “They might think they’re being bullied, but other kids find them controlling or just don’t want to do what they’re doing.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Praise boys for being flexible or showing interest in peers’ ideas. Diaz prompts students to ponder questions such as\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “How close do you stand to someone? How do you ask a question? What’s okay to ask?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>6. Make caring for others a shared responsibility\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At Sterling Hall, Parsons said, educators have a saying: “Big boys look out for themselves; bigger boys look out for others.” To that end, older students mentor younger students, and eighth-grade boys partner with younger students to paint a buddy bench on the playground. If a student has no one to play with, they sit on the buddy bench.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Every boy is responsible for making sure no one is sitting on the buddy bench,” Parsons explained, adding that no one sits there for more than 60 seconds. As he noted, “boys want to be leaders, to be good, to look out for others and to get affirmation for that. Belonging is everything.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://phyllisfagell.com/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Phyllis L. Fagell\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a licensed clinical professional counselor and professional school counselor, is the author of \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/phyllis-l-fagell/middle-school-matters/9780738235080/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Middle School Matters\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/phyllis-l-fagell/middle-school-superpowers/9780306829758/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/63456/6-ways-educators-can-bolster-boys-social-skills","authors":["byline_mindshift_63456"],"categories":["mindshift_21445","mindshift_194","mindshift_21385","mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_20698","mindshift_21336","mindshift_20568","mindshift_21252","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_63458","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_63184":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_63184","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"63184","score":null,"sort":[1709636433000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"when-parents-know-these-4-phases-of-friendship-they-can-help-their-child-make-friends-more-easily","title":"When Parents Know These 4 phases of Friendship, They Can Help Their Child Make Friends More Easily","publishDate":1709636433,"format":"standard","headTitle":"When Parents Know These 4 phases of Friendship, They Can Help Their Child Make Friends More Easily | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted from \u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/dr-stephen-nowicki/raising-a-socially-successful-child/9780316516471/\">Raising a Socially Successful Child\u003c/a> by Stephen Nowicki. Copyright © 2024 by Stephen Nowicki. Used with permission of Little, Brown Spark, an imprint of Little, Brown and Company. New York, NY. All rights reserved.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When your child is younger, you as a parent have a lot of control over his social life, selecting whom he should interact with, the length of the interaction and where the interaction takes place. That changes when your child reaches school age. Suddenly, these decisions — with whom to be friends, how much time to spend with a friend and how to spend that time together — are made largely on his own (though teachers may also play an important role). School is a place where children \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">can begin to form rewarding friendships\u003c/a>, but it is also a place where children \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57010/how-understanding-middle-school-friendships-can-help-students\">can experience rejection and isolation\u003c/a>, often because of nonverbal messages they are unwittingly sending and erroneously reading.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-63188 alignleft\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-800x1238.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"230\" height=\"356\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-800x1238.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-1020x1579.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-160x248.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-768x1189.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-992x1536.jpg 992w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-1323x2048.jpg 1323w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-scaled.jpg 1654w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 230px) 100vw, 230px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>From the late childhood phase on, any friendship a child forms follows a pattern. And this sequence, which my colleague Marshall Duke and I first codified back in the 1980s, provides a template for the relationships those children will form as adults: children \u003cem>choose \u003c/em>a likely candidate for friendship, they \u003cem>initiate\u003c/em> the relationship, they \u003cem>deepen \u003c/em>the relationship and lastly, they go through a relationship \u003cem>transition \u003c/em>when the social occasion, school day, week, semester or year ends. Each of these phases of the relationship requires the use of nonverbal and verbal language skills — but some skills play a more important role in certain phases than in others. Understanding the patterns by which late childhood friendships form and develop can help you identify where your child is doing well and where he may need to learn more in order to connect meaningfully with others.\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>1. Choosing\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The choice phase is where every relationship begins. Research shows that a child’s decision about whom he’s going to befriend usually takes place in a matter of seconds. This means that children are using information gathered from nonverbal cues in clothing, facial expressions and posture to decide to approach another child.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ideally, when parents of very young children make these choices for them, they will share the reasons for their choices with their children. For example, when \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61966/how-parents-can-help-children-with-adhd-thrive-in-friendships\">inviting a child for a playdate\u003c/a>, the parent could say something like, “I think you are going to have a good time with Ravi. She always listens to me and shares her playthings with you.” Not only does this sharing of information help children understand their parents’ choices, but it also tells the children what is expected of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time your child reaches school age, then, he should already have some sense of how to choose a friend. You can imagine him faced with a schoolyard filled with children he doesn’t know on the first day of school. He wants to find someone to play with. Over to his left, a few boys are playing ball and a ball comes loose and rolls toward him. A boy in a Green Bay Packers cap runs after the ball, picks it up and smiles. In that friendly smile, your child senses an invitation. He smiles back and begins walking toward the boy wearing the Packers cap. He has chosen to make a new friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>2. Initiating\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The initiation phase is what happens next. Your child follows his new friend as he joins the three other boys playing ball. He waits until there’s a break in what is going on. “Hi,” he says with a smile. “Can I join in?” The other boys introduce themselves quickly and your child says, “I’m a Packer Backer too. I’ve got a Packers cap at home. I’ll wear it tomorrow.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The boy with the Packers cap says, “Remember when they won that game when it was a million degrees below zero?” Your child excitedly comments about how the field was like ice, and soon there are five boys happily playing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For a five-year-old meeting new peers for the first time on a playground, even a seemingly simple interaction like this one is a difficult task involving both nonverbal and verbal behaviors: Your child waited patiently and, sensing the rhythm of the game, chose the right moment to cut in. He didn’t intrude on their game, showing his respect for their personal space. When he did introduce himself, he smiled warmly and made eye contact. Then he made “small talk” before he asked to join in. I think we all can imagine many ways that the interaction could have gone much less successfully than it did.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The initiation phase is when the real give-and-take of social information through nonverbal and verbal channels gets under way. Your child is in uncharted relationship waters now. For the first time, he is running his own show and it is up to him to get this potential relationship off to a successful start.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>3. Deepening\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Over time, if all goes well, your child’s friendships will deepen in ways that would have been all but impossible in the earlier phases of development, in which friendships are usually fleeting and revolve around a shared activity. Hallmarks of a deepening relationship include trust, self- disclosure, acceptance and mutual understanding. As C. S. Lewis put it: Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The process of deepening a friendship involves a lot of give- and- take, much of it nonverbal; when one person speaks, the other responds not only through their words but through facial expressions, body language and tone of voice as well. Your child will disclose something about himself, then look to his friend to gauge the reaction. If the friend nods, smiles or makes encouraging gestures, your child will know to keep going. As children spend more and more time together, they become increasingly attuned to the nonverbal cues that communicate what the other is thinking or feeling. They begin to inhabit the same physical space and share the same rhythms and can often be seen hugging or walking arm in arm, with smiles on their faces.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>4. Transitioning\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>While deepening a relationship can be hard work for some kids, virtually all children will struggle with \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61082/how-grown-ups-can-help-kids-transition-to-post-pandemic-school-life\">handling relationship transitions positively\u003c/a>. In late childhood, these transitions happen more often than you may be aware: at the end of the school day or a playdate, for example. Sometimes the transition is more intense, such as the end of the school year or the Little League season or the last day of camp. Other times a transition in a friendship happens when a child has to move to a new town or school. And of course, there are times when one or both children actively decide not to continue the friendship, whether it’s over some fight or disagreement or the friendship simply having run its course.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although transitions can sometimes be painful, it’s important to remember that each transition can also be a new beginning. Even as adults, transitions can make us uncomfortable, so we often rush through them as quickly as possible, without considering the unique information the experience can offer us.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Picture two ten-year-old girls, Gina and Ilana, on the last day of school. These friends sat next to each other during class for the whole school year because their last names both begin with \u003cem>M. \u003c/em>While not “best-best friends,” their bond has deepened over the course of the school year, and they are sad they probably won’t see much of each other over the summer. As they clean out their desks, they talk about the past school year. They remember how they were so shy with each other at first. They reminisce about the science fair, field day and other memorable events leading up to this the final day of school. Not all the times were fun, though, they admit. There were disagreements, and they both remember a particularly bad one during field day, when Ilana didn’t choose Gina for her team.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When their desks are cleaned out and have passed the teacher’s inspection, it’s time to leave. Each girl reaches sheepishly into her book bag and retrieves the present that they bought for the other. They hold hands as they walk out to their separate school buses. It’s time to part ways. Usually, their exchanges with each other are lively, but today they are much quieter and more subdued, which makes their goodbye hugs more meaningful. In hushed tones, they tell each other to \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61888/4-parenting-priorities-to-prevent-mental-health-summer-slide\">have a good summer\u003c/a>. Transitioning is the point in the life of a relationship when you can help your child look back and see discernable patterns in how the relationship developed. Reflecting how she chose, began and deepened her ties with another person can yield valuable lessons that can be applied to the next set of relationships. And the more complex and important the relationship, the more she can learn from it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-63187\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m-160x240.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"240\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m-160x240.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m.jpg 576w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cem>Stephen Nowicki is the Charles Howard Candler Professor of Psychology Emeritus at Emory University, where he has served as director of clinical training, head of the psychological center and head of the counseling center. Nowicki maintains an active clinical practice as a diplomate in psychology.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Childhood friendships involve four distinct phases: choosing, initiating, deepening and transitioning. Each phase plays a role in the development of social connections.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1712104667,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":20,"wordCount":1606},"headData":{"title":"When Parents Know These 4 phases of Friendship, They Can Help Their Child Make Friends More Easily | KQED","description":"Choosing, initiating, deepening and transitioning — each of these phases plays a role in the development of social connections.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"Choosing, initiating, deepening and transitioning — each of these phases plays a role in the development of social connections.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"When Parents Know These 4 phases of Friendship, They Can Help Their Child Make Friends More Easily","datePublished":"2024-03-05T11:00:33.000Z","dateModified":"2024-04-03T00:37:47.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/63184/when-parents-know-these-4-phases-of-friendship-they-can-help-their-child-make-friends-more-easily","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted from \u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/dr-stephen-nowicki/raising-a-socially-successful-child/9780316516471/\">Raising a Socially Successful Child\u003c/a> by Stephen Nowicki. Copyright © 2024 by Stephen Nowicki. Used with permission of Little, Brown Spark, an imprint of Little, Brown and Company. New York, NY. All rights reserved.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When your child is younger, you as a parent have a lot of control over his social life, selecting whom he should interact with, the length of the interaction and where the interaction takes place. That changes when your child reaches school age. Suddenly, these decisions — with whom to be friends, how much time to spend with a friend and how to spend that time together — are made largely on his own (though teachers may also play an important role). School is a place where children \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">can begin to form rewarding friendships\u003c/a>, but it is also a place where children \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57010/how-understanding-middle-school-friendships-can-help-students\">can experience rejection and isolation\u003c/a>, often because of nonverbal messages they are unwittingly sending and erroneously reading.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-63188 alignleft\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-800x1238.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"230\" height=\"356\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-800x1238.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-1020x1579.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-160x248.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-768x1189.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-992x1536.jpg 992w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-1323x2048.jpg 1323w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-scaled.jpg 1654w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 230px) 100vw, 230px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>From the late childhood phase on, any friendship a child forms follows a pattern. And this sequence, which my colleague Marshall Duke and I first codified back in the 1980s, provides a template for the relationships those children will form as adults: children \u003cem>choose \u003c/em>a likely candidate for friendship, they \u003cem>initiate\u003c/em> the relationship, they \u003cem>deepen \u003c/em>the relationship and lastly, they go through a relationship \u003cem>transition \u003c/em>when the social occasion, school day, week, semester or year ends. Each of these phases of the relationship requires the use of nonverbal and verbal language skills — but some skills play a more important role in certain phases than in others. Understanding the patterns by which late childhood friendships form and develop can help you identify where your child is doing well and where he may need to learn more in order to connect meaningfully with others.\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>1. Choosing\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The choice phase is where every relationship begins. Research shows that a child’s decision about whom he’s going to befriend usually takes place in a matter of seconds. This means that children are using information gathered from nonverbal cues in clothing, facial expressions and posture to decide to approach another child.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ideally, when parents of very young children make these choices for them, they will share the reasons for their choices with their children. For example, when \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61966/how-parents-can-help-children-with-adhd-thrive-in-friendships\">inviting a child for a playdate\u003c/a>, the parent could say something like, “I think you are going to have a good time with Ravi. She always listens to me and shares her playthings with you.” Not only does this sharing of information help children understand their parents’ choices, but it also tells the children what is expected of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time your child reaches school age, then, he should already have some sense of how to choose a friend. You can imagine him faced with a schoolyard filled with children he doesn’t know on the first day of school. He wants to find someone to play with. Over to his left, a few boys are playing ball and a ball comes loose and rolls toward him. A boy in a Green Bay Packers cap runs after the ball, picks it up and smiles. In that friendly smile, your child senses an invitation. He smiles back and begins walking toward the boy wearing the Packers cap. He has chosen to make a new friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>2. Initiating\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The initiation phase is what happens next. Your child follows his new friend as he joins the three other boys playing ball. He waits until there’s a break in what is going on. “Hi,” he says with a smile. “Can I join in?” The other boys introduce themselves quickly and your child says, “I’m a Packer Backer too. I’ve got a Packers cap at home. I’ll wear it tomorrow.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The boy with the Packers cap says, “Remember when they won that game when it was a million degrees below zero?” Your child excitedly comments about how the field was like ice, and soon there are five boys happily playing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For a five-year-old meeting new peers for the first time on a playground, even a seemingly simple interaction like this one is a difficult task involving both nonverbal and verbal behaviors: Your child waited patiently and, sensing the rhythm of the game, chose the right moment to cut in. He didn’t intrude on their game, showing his respect for their personal space. When he did introduce himself, he smiled warmly and made eye contact. Then he made “small talk” before he asked to join in. I think we all can imagine many ways that the interaction could have gone much less successfully than it did.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The initiation phase is when the real give-and-take of social information through nonverbal and verbal channels gets under way. Your child is in uncharted relationship waters now. For the first time, he is running his own show and it is up to him to get this potential relationship off to a successful start.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>3. Deepening\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Over time, if all goes well, your child’s friendships will deepen in ways that would have been all but impossible in the earlier phases of development, in which friendships are usually fleeting and revolve around a shared activity. Hallmarks of a deepening relationship include trust, self- disclosure, acceptance and mutual understanding. As C. S. Lewis put it: Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The process of deepening a friendship involves a lot of give- and- take, much of it nonverbal; when one person speaks, the other responds not only through their words but through facial expressions, body language and tone of voice as well. Your child will disclose something about himself, then look to his friend to gauge the reaction. If the friend nods, smiles or makes encouraging gestures, your child will know to keep going. As children spend more and more time together, they become increasingly attuned to the nonverbal cues that communicate what the other is thinking or feeling. They begin to inhabit the same physical space and share the same rhythms and can often be seen hugging or walking arm in arm, with smiles on their faces.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>4. Transitioning\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>While deepening a relationship can be hard work for some kids, virtually all children will struggle with \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61082/how-grown-ups-can-help-kids-transition-to-post-pandemic-school-life\">handling relationship transitions positively\u003c/a>. In late childhood, these transitions happen more often than you may be aware: at the end of the school day or a playdate, for example. Sometimes the transition is more intense, such as the end of the school year or the Little League season or the last day of camp. Other times a transition in a friendship happens when a child has to move to a new town or school. And of course, there are times when one or both children actively decide not to continue the friendship, whether it’s over some fight or disagreement or the friendship simply having run its course.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although transitions can sometimes be painful, it’s important to remember that each transition can also be a new beginning. Even as adults, transitions can make us uncomfortable, so we often rush through them as quickly as possible, without considering the unique information the experience can offer us.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Picture two ten-year-old girls, Gina and Ilana, on the last day of school. These friends sat next to each other during class for the whole school year because their last names both begin with \u003cem>M. \u003c/em>While not “best-best friends,” their bond has deepened over the course of the school year, and they are sad they probably won’t see much of each other over the summer. As they clean out their desks, they talk about the past school year. They remember how they were so shy with each other at first. They reminisce about the science fair, field day and other memorable events leading up to this the final day of school. Not all the times were fun, though, they admit. There were disagreements, and they both remember a particularly bad one during field day, when Ilana didn’t choose Gina for her team.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When their desks are cleaned out and have passed the teacher’s inspection, it’s time to leave. Each girl reaches sheepishly into her book bag and retrieves the present that they bought for the other. They hold hands as they walk out to their separate school buses. It’s time to part ways. Usually, their exchanges with each other are lively, but today they are much quieter and more subdued, which makes their goodbye hugs more meaningful. In hushed tones, they tell each other to \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61888/4-parenting-priorities-to-prevent-mental-health-summer-slide\">have a good summer\u003c/a>. Transitioning is the point in the life of a relationship when you can help your child look back and see discernable patterns in how the relationship developed. Reflecting how she chose, began and deepened her ties with another person can yield valuable lessons that can be applied to the next set of relationships. And the more complex and important the relationship, the more she can learn from it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-63187\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m-160x240.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"240\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m-160x240.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m.jpg 576w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cem>Stephen Nowicki is the Charles Howard Candler Professor of Psychology Emeritus at Emory University, where he has served as director of clinical training, head of the psychological center and head of the counseling center. Nowicki maintains an active clinical practice as a diplomate in psychology.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/63184/when-parents-know-these-4-phases-of-friendship-they-can-help-their-child-make-friends-more-easily","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_21512","mindshift_21385"],"tags":["mindshift_21250","mindshift_21488","mindshift_21036","mindshift_21336","mindshift_20568","mindshift_290","mindshift_498","mindshift_21565","mindshift_21134","mindshift_21213","mindshift_943","mindshift_20719"],"featImg":"mindshift_63186","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_63039":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_63039","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"63039","score":null,"sort":[1706299986000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"to-help-students-deal-with-trauma-this-school-holds-mindfulness-lessons-over-the-loudspeaker","title":"To help students deal with trauma, this school holds mindfulness lessons over the loudspeaker","publishDate":1706299986,"format":"standard","headTitle":"To help students deal with trauma, this school holds mindfulness lessons over the loudspeaker | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>TAMPA, Fla. — At 8:30 a.m. on a sunny winter day, the cafeteria tables at the \u003ca href=\"https://www.hillsboroughschools.org/sullivan\">Patricia J. Sullivan Partnership Elementary School\u003c/a> are packed. Dozens of students – from kindergarten through the fifth grade – are hanging out, catching up and eating today’s breakfast of apple strudel, fruit juice, banana and milk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>School principal Dave McMeen is in constant motion. He’s greeting students, picking wrappers and banana peels off the floor and lining up the kids to send them off to class.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The first lesson of the day, as they leave the cafeteria, is self control: “Show me that right now me by facing forward. Show me your toes, show me your hands, now show me your body,” he says, to a row of kindergartners assembling in the hallway, “When your body is still, your mind is still and we can focus.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sullivan Elementary School is the smallest public school in the Hillsborough County school district, with 76 students and one teacher per grade level. It operates in partnership \u003ca href=\"https://www.metromin.org/\">Metropolitan Ministries, a local nonprofit\u003c/a> that supports families at risk of homelessness in Tampa Bay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Principal McMeen says many of the students come from the homeless shelter next door and are dealing with serious stressors outside of school.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Students experience these traumas of which sometimes they don’t have control over,” he says, “So while we have them, what do we have control over? It’s those few moments to say, Ok, take that hurt, take that pain, let’s figure out how we can release it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the past few years, the school has been experimenting with a new tool to help kids deal with their stress: a daily mindfulness program called \u003ca href=\"https://innerexplorer.org/\">Inner Explorer\u003c/a>. An app created for schools, it involves daily lessons in observing sensations and emotions. It’s part of a new approach to delivering mindfulness, an increasingly popular, evidence-based mental health practice, in more accessible ways to vulnerable populations.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Neuroscience research shows that \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2746750/\">chronic stress\u003c/a> can shrink the brain, especially the parts that play a role in learning and memory. \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3004979/\">And that mindfulness\u003c/a> – taking a few minutes to breathe, relax and center oneself – helps reduce that stress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63049\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63049\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-1020x679.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-768x511.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-1536x1022.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1.jpg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Principal Dave McMeen monitors students during breakfast. McMeen says mindfulness has played a role in turning the school around academically. \u003ccite>(Octavio Jones for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Research also suggests that it can be especially helpful for developing minds. Students who scored higher on a mindfulness survey may \u003ca href=\"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/mbe.12200\">get better grades and test scores at school\u003c/a>, and have fewer absences and suspensions, says \u003ca href=\"https://gablab.mit.edu/john-gabrieli/\">John Gabrieli\u003c/a>, a cognitive neuroscientist at MIT who has studied the trait in students.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Mindfulness is one of the few tools we have to enhance mental well-being in students,” Gabrieli says, “And in parallel, it also seems to support traditional things we want on behalf of students – showing up in school, not getting in trouble and learning.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>8 minutes of stillness\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>At 8:50 a.m. – as it does each school day morning – a prerecorded mindfulness session plays over the school-wide loudspeaker: “Breathing in and out. Placing the hands on the heart,” the narrator says. “Repeating to yourself, ‘I have the power to make wise choices.'”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mandy Hambrick’s second- and third-grade class, seventeen students repeat the phrase out loud. Then they sit silently, eyes closed, absorbing the day’s lesson on forgiveness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It may seem strange to practice forgiveness,” the narrator continues, “Like all skills, it’s important to practice before you really need it. With forgiveness, the practice happens on the inside of you.” For a full eight minutes, the students sit quietly. They’re not even fidgeting, as they contemplate mean things people have said to them, and how to let that go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the exercise, a student named Grace shares her thoughts with the class on how mindfulness helps. “It can help you relieve the stress so you’re not angry, and you don’t take it out on somebody else,” she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63048\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63048\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-800x533.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-800x533.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-1020x680.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-160x107.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-768x512.jpeg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-1536x1023.jpeg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2.jpeg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Students work on an assignment in Mrs. Ferlita’s 5th grade class. Ferlita says mindfulness has helped her kids. “They pay more attention to each other and to each other’s feelings,” she says. \u003ccite>(Octavio Jones for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Each morning, the students at Sullivan Elementary School go through a remarkable transition after they get into the classroom – from hyper and socially active to quiet and settled in a matter of minutes. “It’s what I experience each and every day,” Principal McMeen says. “We begin with mindfulness – we take a moment, we center ourselves – and then we get engaged.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>An ‘A’ grade for the school\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Small, rigorous studies over the years have shown that “mindfulness interventions can broadly reduce suffering – reduce people’s stress, their depressive symptoms, their anxiety,” says David Creswell, a neuroscientist at Carnegie Mellon University.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In 2022, the Sullivan Elementary School received its \u003ca href=\"https://www.fldoe.org/accountability/accountability-reporting/school-grades/archives.stml#2021-2022\">first “A,” a grade\u003c/a> based on standardized test scores from the Florida Department of Education. It was – a huge shift from receiving an “F” grade five years before. Principal McMeen says mindfulness has played a role in turning the school around.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But there isn’t yet a clear best practice for teaching mindfulness in school settings. Some schools around the country offer in-person mindfulness instruction for kids – a process that involves teacher trainings and consistent investment. Inner Explorer’s model – pressing play on a prerecorded session – makes it easier for school administrators and teachers to incorporate the practice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The \u003ca href=\"https://innerexplorer.org/\">Inner Explorer\u003c/a> program is used in about 3,000 schools around the country. “We have a lot of schools that have been doing it for a couple of years now, and are seeing substantial improvements in student behavior and student performance,” says Laura Bakosh, who \u003ca href=\"https://innerexplorer.org/ie-team\">co-founded the program\u003c/a> with educator Janice Houlihan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The curriculum draws on from \u003ca href=\"https://www.ummhealth.org/center-mindfulness-LP?gclid=Cj0KCQiAwbitBhDIARIsABfFYIKTelpTAG--NQlGOB-RceZ_zOstNNtO_eJwrbo_1ey6xqslIOJuOuIaAsBIEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds\">mindfulness-based stress reduction\u003c/a>, a well-tested set of techniques that traditionally taught with intensive lectures and retreats and long daily practices. Inner Explorer distills the teachings into ten-minute sessions that can be integrated into the school day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63047\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63047\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-800x600.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-800x600.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-1020x765.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-160x120.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-768x576.jpeg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-1536x1152.jpeg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3.jpeg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Laura Bakosh, Ph.D. co-founder, of Inner Explorer. The app is used in about 3,000 schools around the country. \u003ccite>(Octavio Jones for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>For instance, one lesson invites kids to tune into the sounds they’re hearing around them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Instead of handling ‘sense awareness’ in a two-and-a-half hour lesson, we handle it over the course of many days and ten-minute segments,” Bakosh says, And as they tune into their sense of sound, she says,”they are building an intentional skill, from a brain standpoint.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The same goes for recognizing how they’re feeling, and practicing how to let things go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Practicing mindfulness can help the kids realize “that they don’t need to be dragged around by their thoughts and emotions. They have much more control,” Bakosh says, “When children learn this, they feel very empowered.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Mindfulness is really not about clearing your mind,” Bakosh continues. “It’s about inhabiting your moment-to-moment experiences with a sense of openness and curiosity.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Scaling up mindfulness\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Digital, app-based mindfulness programs – such as Headspace and Calm – have become hugely popular over the past ten years, and have the potential to make mindfulness training more widely accessible as a public health intervention, Creswell says. They’re more affordable and convenient, compared with intensive training programs that have been more rigorously studied.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These digital mindfulness interventions, he says, merit further research. There haven’t yet been large-scale experiments that clearly establish whether these programs can help fix systemic, population-level problems such as loneliness and addiction. “There are some challenges [with retention], but I think there’s some real promise in terms of scaling up to people who need these programs the most,” says Creswell.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63046\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63046\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-800x533.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-800x533.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-1020x680.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-160x107.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-768x512.jpeg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-1536x1023.jpeg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4.jpeg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A student named RaMeir focuses during the morning mindfulness lesson. Teachers say the morning sessions help the kids practice mindfulness throughout the day. \u003ccite>(Octavio Jones for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Back at the Sullivan Elementary School, a fifth-grader named Avery says he’s been practicing mindfulness at the school for years. “It’s a strategy that you can use to cope, or you can journal and let out your feelings in a good way,” he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One strategy he’s learned from Inner Explorer is called “\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=groqciMoqvY\">the shark fin\u003c/a>,” where you align your palm vertically, place your thumb on your forehead and drag it down to your heart as you focus on centering yourself. He used it recently when he was stressing out over a reading assignment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Inner Explorer comes on over the loudspeaker, “I do it some mornings, not every morning,” Avery says, “The mornings I do it are so I can cope and have a good day.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Today, Avery’s day is shaping up well. The classroom is filled with the smell of freshly cooked chocolate chip pancakes – the subject of today’s science lesson on phase changes. “What makes the bubbles?” asks Patti Ferlita, the fifth-grade teacher, “Gas. It’s being released – that’s why we see the bubbles,” she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ferlita has been teaching at the school for 15 years, and she says mindfulness has made a big difference with the students. “A lot of them really started getting out of the ‘me, me, me.’ They pay more attention to each other and to each other’s feelings,” she says, citing the positive reinforcement the kids give each other – hugging, high-fiving and applauding when their classmates answer questions correctly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if a child is having a hard time, Ferlita says they get a chance to take a minute to breathe and get themselves together. These types of reinforcements in the classroom help the kids practice mindfulness throughout the day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It might take until these kids are adults to prove – with scientific data – that their mindfulness practice today will have a lasting impact on their lives. But here at Sullivan Elementary School, the educators say they see mindfulness working now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Editing and visual layout by Carmel Wroth. Visual producing by Katie Hayes Luke.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2024 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=To+help+these+school+kids+deal+with+trauma%2C+mindfulness+lessons+over+the+loudspeaker&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"An elementary school in Florida credits daily mindfulness lessons with helping students cope with stress — and turning the school around academically. The lessons are delivered through an app.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1706559297,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":37,"wordCount":1814},"headData":{"title":"To help students deal with trauma, this school holds mindfulness lessons over the loudspeaker | KQED","description":"An elementary school in Florida credits daily mindfulness lessons with helping students cope with stress — and turning the school around academically.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"An elementary school in Florida credits daily mindfulness lessons with helping students cope with stress — and turning the school around academically.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"To help students deal with trauma, this school holds mindfulness lessons over the loudspeaker","datePublished":"2024-01-26T20:13:06.000Z","dateModified":"2024-01-29T20:14:57.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"nprByline":"Pien Huang","nprImageAgency":"Octavio Jones for NPR","nprStoryId":"1227056527","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=1227056527&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/01/26/1227056527/to-help-these-school-kids-deal-with-trauma-mindfulness-lessons-over-the-loudspea?ft=nprml&f=1227056527","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Fri, 26 Jan 2024 06:00:00 -0500","nprStoryDate":"Fri, 26 Jan 2024 06:00:44 -0500","nprLastModifiedDate":"Fri, 26 Jan 2024 06:00:44 -0500","nprAudio":"https://play.podtrac.com/npr-1176326550/ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/me/2024/01/20240122_me_a_visit_to_one_florida_school_where_mindfulness_is_helping_youngsters_succeed.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1128&aggIds=1176326550&d=394&story=1227056527&ft=nprml&f=1227056527","nprAudioM3u":"http://api.npr.org/m3u/11227066154-adb0eb.m3u?orgId=1&topicId=1128&aggIds=1176326550&d=394&story=1227056527&ft=nprml&f=1227056527","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/63039/to-help-students-deal-with-trauma-this-school-holds-mindfulness-lessons-over-the-loudspeaker","audioUrl":"https://play.podtrac.com/npr-1176326550/ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/me/2024/01/20240122_me_a_visit_to_one_florida_school_where_mindfulness_is_helping_youngsters_succeed.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1128&aggIds=1176326550&d=394&story=1227056527&ft=nprml&f=1227056527","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>TAMPA, Fla. — At 8:30 a.m. on a sunny winter day, the cafeteria tables at the \u003ca href=\"https://www.hillsboroughschools.org/sullivan\">Patricia J. Sullivan Partnership Elementary School\u003c/a> are packed. Dozens of students – from kindergarten through the fifth grade – are hanging out, catching up and eating today’s breakfast of apple strudel, fruit juice, banana and milk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>School principal Dave McMeen is in constant motion. He’s greeting students, picking wrappers and banana peels off the floor and lining up the kids to send them off to class.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The first lesson of the day, as they leave the cafeteria, is self control: “Show me that right now me by facing forward. Show me your toes, show me your hands, now show me your body,” he says, to a row of kindergartners assembling in the hallway, “When your body is still, your mind is still and we can focus.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sullivan Elementary School is the smallest public school in the Hillsborough County school district, with 76 students and one teacher per grade level. It operates in partnership \u003ca href=\"https://www.metromin.org/\">Metropolitan Ministries, a local nonprofit\u003c/a> that supports families at risk of homelessness in Tampa Bay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Principal McMeen says many of the students come from the homeless shelter next door and are dealing with serious stressors outside of school.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Students experience these traumas of which sometimes they don’t have control over,” he says, “So while we have them, what do we have control over? It’s those few moments to say, Ok, take that hurt, take that pain, let’s figure out how we can release it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the past few years, the school has been experimenting with a new tool to help kids deal with their stress: a daily mindfulness program called \u003ca href=\"https://innerexplorer.org/\">Inner Explorer\u003c/a>. An app created for schools, it involves daily lessons in observing sensations and emotions. It’s part of a new approach to delivering mindfulness, an increasingly popular, evidence-based mental health practice, in more accessible ways to vulnerable populations.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Neuroscience research shows that \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2746750/\">chronic stress\u003c/a> can shrink the brain, especially the parts that play a role in learning and memory. \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3004979/\">And that mindfulness\u003c/a> – taking a few minutes to breathe, relax and center oneself – helps reduce that stress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63049\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63049\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-1020x679.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-768x511.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1-1536x1022.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind1.jpg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Principal Dave McMeen monitors students during breakfast. McMeen says mindfulness has played a role in turning the school around academically. \u003ccite>(Octavio Jones for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Research also suggests that it can be especially helpful for developing minds. Students who scored higher on a mindfulness survey may \u003ca href=\"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/mbe.12200\">get better grades and test scores at school\u003c/a>, and have fewer absences and suspensions, says \u003ca href=\"https://gablab.mit.edu/john-gabrieli/\">John Gabrieli\u003c/a>, a cognitive neuroscientist at MIT who has studied the trait in students.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Mindfulness is one of the few tools we have to enhance mental well-being in students,” Gabrieli says, “And in parallel, it also seems to support traditional things we want on behalf of students – showing up in school, not getting in trouble and learning.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>8 minutes of stillness\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>At 8:50 a.m. – as it does each school day morning – a prerecorded mindfulness session plays over the school-wide loudspeaker: “Breathing in and out. Placing the hands on the heart,” the narrator says. “Repeating to yourself, ‘I have the power to make wise choices.'”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mandy Hambrick’s second- and third-grade class, seventeen students repeat the phrase out loud. Then they sit silently, eyes closed, absorbing the day’s lesson on forgiveness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It may seem strange to practice forgiveness,” the narrator continues, “Like all skills, it’s important to practice before you really need it. With forgiveness, the practice happens on the inside of you.” For a full eight minutes, the students sit quietly. They’re not even fidgeting, as they contemplate mean things people have said to them, and how to let that go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the exercise, a student named Grace shares her thoughts with the class on how mindfulness helps. “It can help you relieve the stress so you’re not angry, and you don’t take it out on somebody else,” she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63048\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63048\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-800x533.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-800x533.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-1020x680.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-160x107.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-768x512.jpeg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2-1536x1023.jpeg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind2.jpeg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Students work on an assignment in Mrs. Ferlita’s 5th grade class. Ferlita says mindfulness has helped her kids. “They pay more attention to each other and to each other’s feelings,” she says. \u003ccite>(Octavio Jones for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Each morning, the students at Sullivan Elementary School go through a remarkable transition after they get into the classroom – from hyper and socially active to quiet and settled in a matter of minutes. “It’s what I experience each and every day,” Principal McMeen says. “We begin with mindfulness – we take a moment, we center ourselves – and then we get engaged.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>An ‘A’ grade for the school\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Small, rigorous studies over the years have shown that “mindfulness interventions can broadly reduce suffering – reduce people’s stress, their depressive symptoms, their anxiety,” says David Creswell, a neuroscientist at Carnegie Mellon University.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In 2022, the Sullivan Elementary School received its \u003ca href=\"https://www.fldoe.org/accountability/accountability-reporting/school-grades/archives.stml#2021-2022\">first “A,” a grade\u003c/a> based on standardized test scores from the Florida Department of Education. It was – a huge shift from receiving an “F” grade five years before. Principal McMeen says mindfulness has played a role in turning the school around.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But there isn’t yet a clear best practice for teaching mindfulness in school settings. Some schools around the country offer in-person mindfulness instruction for kids – a process that involves teacher trainings and consistent investment. Inner Explorer’s model – pressing play on a prerecorded session – makes it easier for school administrators and teachers to incorporate the practice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The \u003ca href=\"https://innerexplorer.org/\">Inner Explorer\u003c/a> program is used in about 3,000 schools around the country. “We have a lot of schools that have been doing it for a couple of years now, and are seeing substantial improvements in student behavior and student performance,” says Laura Bakosh, who \u003ca href=\"https://innerexplorer.org/ie-team\">co-founded the program\u003c/a> with educator Janice Houlihan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The curriculum draws on from \u003ca href=\"https://www.ummhealth.org/center-mindfulness-LP?gclid=Cj0KCQiAwbitBhDIARIsABfFYIKTelpTAG--NQlGOB-RceZ_zOstNNtO_eJwrbo_1ey6xqslIOJuOuIaAsBIEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds\">mindfulness-based stress reduction\u003c/a>, a well-tested set of techniques that traditionally taught with intensive lectures and retreats and long daily practices. Inner Explorer distills the teachings into ten-minute sessions that can be integrated into the school day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63047\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63047\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-800x600.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-800x600.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-1020x765.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-160x120.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-768x576.jpeg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3-1536x1152.jpeg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind3.jpeg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Laura Bakosh, Ph.D. co-founder, of Inner Explorer. The app is used in about 3,000 schools around the country. \u003ccite>(Octavio Jones for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>For instance, one lesson invites kids to tune into the sounds they’re hearing around them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Instead of handling ‘sense awareness’ in a two-and-a-half hour lesson, we handle it over the course of many days and ten-minute segments,” Bakosh says, And as they tune into their sense of sound, she says,”they are building an intentional skill, from a brain standpoint.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The same goes for recognizing how they’re feeling, and practicing how to let things go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Practicing mindfulness can help the kids realize “that they don’t need to be dragged around by their thoughts and emotions. They have much more control,” Bakosh says, “When children learn this, they feel very empowered.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Mindfulness is really not about clearing your mind,” Bakosh continues. “It’s about inhabiting your moment-to-moment experiences with a sense of openness and curiosity.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Scaling up mindfulness\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Digital, app-based mindfulness programs – such as Headspace and Calm – have become hugely popular over the past ten years, and have the potential to make mindfulness training more widely accessible as a public health intervention, Creswell says. They’re more affordable and convenient, compared with intensive training programs that have been more rigorously studied.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These digital mindfulness interventions, he says, merit further research. There haven’t yet been large-scale experiments that clearly establish whether these programs can help fix systemic, population-level problems such as loneliness and addiction. “There are some challenges [with retention], but I think there’s some real promise in terms of scaling up to people who need these programs the most,” says Creswell.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63046\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63046\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-800x533.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-800x533.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-1020x680.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-160x107.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-768x512.jpeg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4-1536x1023.jpeg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/01/mind4.jpeg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A student named RaMeir focuses during the morning mindfulness lesson. Teachers say the morning sessions help the kids practice mindfulness throughout the day. \u003ccite>(Octavio Jones for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Back at the Sullivan Elementary School, a fifth-grader named Avery says he’s been practicing mindfulness at the school for years. “It’s a strategy that you can use to cope, or you can journal and let out your feelings in a good way,” he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One strategy he’s learned from Inner Explorer is called “\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=groqciMoqvY\">the shark fin\u003c/a>,” where you align your palm vertically, place your thumb on your forehead and drag it down to your heart as you focus on centering yourself. He used it recently when he was stressing out over a reading assignment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Inner Explorer comes on over the loudspeaker, “I do it some mornings, not every morning,” Avery says, “The mornings I do it are so I can cope and have a good day.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Today, Avery’s day is shaping up well. The classroom is filled with the smell of freshly cooked chocolate chip pancakes – the subject of today’s science lesson on phase changes. “What makes the bubbles?” asks Patti Ferlita, the fifth-grade teacher, “Gas. It’s being released – that’s why we see the bubbles,” she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ferlita has been teaching at the school for 15 years, and she says mindfulness has made a big difference with the students. “A lot of them really started getting out of the ‘me, me, me.’ They pay more attention to each other and to each other’s feelings,” she says, citing the positive reinforcement the kids give each other – hugging, high-fiving and applauding when their classmates answer questions correctly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if a child is having a hard time, Ferlita says they get a chance to take a minute to breathe and get themselves together. These types of reinforcements in the classroom help the kids practice mindfulness throughout the day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It might take until these kids are adults to prove – with scientific data – that their mindfulness practice today will have a lasting impact on their lives. But here at Sullivan Elementary School, the educators say they see mindfulness working now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Editing and visual layout by Carmel Wroth. Visual producing by Katie Hayes Luke.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2024 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=To+help+these+school+kids+deal+with+trauma%2C+mindfulness+lessons+over+the+loudspeaker&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/63039/to-help-students-deal-with-trauma-this-school-holds-mindfulness-lessons-over-the-loudspeaker","authors":["byline_mindshift_63039"],"categories":["mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_841","mindshift_943","mindshift_21105"],"featImg":"mindshift_63040","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_62501":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_62501","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"62501","score":null,"sort":[1696932046000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"want-your-kids-to-be-happier-and-healthier-start-talking-with-them-about-uncomfortable-emotions","title":"Want your kids to be happier and healthier? Start talking with them about uncomfortable emotions","publishDate":1696932046,"format":"standard","headTitle":"Want your kids to be happier and healthier? Start talking with them about uncomfortable emotions | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted from \u003ca href=\"https://parenting.drrobynsilverman.com/book\">How to Talk to Kids About Anything: Tips, Scripts, Stories, and Steps to Make Even the Toughest Conversations Easier\u003c/a> by Robyn Silverman. (c) 2023 by Dr. Robyn Silverman. Used with permission of the publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc. All rights reserved.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While we may wish our kids could be happy all the time, as it turns out, they wouldn’t be healthy if they were. Studies show that those who experience emodiversity, a range and abundance of both negative and positive emotions, are happier and healthier than those who remain numb or tend to fixate on any one emotion for a long period of time. Additionally, in environments that place a premium on expressing only positive emotions, those who experience negative feelings tend to falter. As Susan David, PhD, psychologist and bestselling author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.susandavid.com/book/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Emotional Agility\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> says in her \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage?language=en\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">TED Talk\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “Tough emotions are part of our contract with life. You don’t get to have a meaningful career or raise a family or leave the world a better place without stress and discomfort.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright wp-image-62509 size-thumbnail\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/robynsilvermanbook-160x240.jpeg\" alt=\"cover of How to Talk to Kids About Anything by Robyn Silverman\" width=\"160\" height=\"240\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/robynsilvermanbook-160x240.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/robynsilvermanbook.jpeg 397w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">When we attempt to suppress emotional thoughts, feelings, and expressions, there can be negative consequences. Studies show that emotional inhibition and invalidation contribute to children becoming dysregulated, distressed, depressed, anxious and more negative over time. When we try to reject, dismiss and prematurely urge our children to move away from tough feelings, they can wind up with more of them. Plus, if we ignore or minimize our children’s feelings, we could hurt our relationship with them and make them feel lonely or even worthless.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Conversely, when parents accept their children’s feelings and view emotional displays as opportunities to empathize, connect and strategize, kids tend to have fewer emotional and behavioral problems, including issues with anger, anxiety and acting out. “Feelings are just a message to us,” Laura Markham, psychologist and author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.ahaparenting.com/peaceful-parent-happy-kids\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, told me. “When you allow yourself to feel an emotion, it begins to dissipate and heal.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Parents often ask me if they should be sharing their own negative feelings with their children. The knee-jerk reaction, of course, is to say no — we want to protect our kids from the unpleasant things in life. But research shows that parents and key adults who hide their negative feelings from their children may not only confuse them but also appear less emotionally available. In a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2020-26571-001\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">recent study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of 107 parents and their children, researchers at Washington State University found that when parents pretended everything was fine, the kids exhibited more signs of stress and, in fact, both parents and kids were less warm and engaged with one another. Also, parents who admit to and cope with common negative feelings such as anger, sadness and fear show kids how to handle these emotions, regulate them and make a situation better.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The key to emodiversity is to feel a whole host of emotions — and express them in healthy ways. We don’t want them to build up and lie dormant. As Marc Brackett, author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.marcbrackett.com/about/book-permission-to-feel/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Permission to Feel\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, so beautifully told Brené Brown on her podcast \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://brenebrown.com/podcast/dr-marc-brackett-and-brene-on-permission-to-feel/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Unlocking Us\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “Hurt feelings don’t vanish on their own. They don’t heal themselves. If we don’t express our emotions, they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Bottom line? Every feeling has a purpose. Talking about uncomfortable emotions and embracing them can result in better mental and physical health and, potentially, greater happiness in our kids and ourselves.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-62504\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/Dr.-Robyn-Silverman.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/Dr.-Robyn-Silverman.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/Dr.-Robyn-Silverman-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/Dr.-Robyn-Silverman-768x768.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Known as the “Conversation Doc,” \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/drrobynsilverman/\">Robyn Silverman\u003c/a> is a child and teen development specialist and host of the podcast, \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-anything/id1231126178\">How to Talk to Kids About Anything\u003c/a>\u003cem>, as well as the author of the book of the same name. She is a cofounder of the Powerful Words Character System, which gives educators the talking points they need to help children become kind, responsible citizens of the world. Find out all about the book at \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/fQx2ClYpANizZZppsjDlez?domain=parenting.drrobynsilverman.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">https://parenting.drrobynsilverman.com/\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"When parents view their children’s emotional displays as opportunities to connect and strategize, kids tend to have fewer emotional and behavioral problems.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1696706976,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":11,"wordCount":681},"headData":{"title":"Want your kids to be happier and healthier? Start talking with them about uncomfortable emotions | KQED","description":"When parents view their children’s emotional displays as opportunities to connect and strategize, kids tend to have fewer emotional and behavioral problems.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"When parents view their children’s emotional displays as opportunities to connect and strategize, kids tend to have fewer emotional and behavioral problems.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Want your kids to be happier and healthier? Start talking with them about uncomfortable emotions","datePublished":"2023-10-10T10:00:46.000Z","dateModified":"2023-10-07T19:29:36.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62501/want-your-kids-to-be-happier-and-healthier-start-talking-with-them-about-uncomfortable-emotions","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted from \u003ca href=\"https://parenting.drrobynsilverman.com/book\">How to Talk to Kids About Anything: Tips, Scripts, Stories, and Steps to Make Even the Toughest Conversations Easier\u003c/a> by Robyn Silverman. (c) 2023 by Dr. Robyn Silverman. Used with permission of the publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc. All rights reserved.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While we may wish our kids could be happy all the time, as it turns out, they wouldn’t be healthy if they were. Studies show that those who experience emodiversity, a range and abundance of both negative and positive emotions, are happier and healthier than those who remain numb or tend to fixate on any one emotion for a long period of time. Additionally, in environments that place a premium on expressing only positive emotions, those who experience negative feelings tend to falter. As Susan David, PhD, psychologist and bestselling author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.susandavid.com/book/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Emotional Agility\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> says in her \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage?language=en\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">TED Talk\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “Tough emotions are part of our contract with life. You don’t get to have a meaningful career or raise a family or leave the world a better place without stress and discomfort.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright wp-image-62509 size-thumbnail\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/robynsilvermanbook-160x240.jpeg\" alt=\"cover of How to Talk to Kids About Anything by Robyn Silverman\" width=\"160\" height=\"240\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/robynsilvermanbook-160x240.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/robynsilvermanbook.jpeg 397w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">When we attempt to suppress emotional thoughts, feelings, and expressions, there can be negative consequences. Studies show that emotional inhibition and invalidation contribute to children becoming dysregulated, distressed, depressed, anxious and more negative over time. When we try to reject, dismiss and prematurely urge our children to move away from tough feelings, they can wind up with more of them. Plus, if we ignore or minimize our children’s feelings, we could hurt our relationship with them and make them feel lonely or even worthless.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Conversely, when parents accept their children’s feelings and view emotional displays as opportunities to empathize, connect and strategize, kids tend to have fewer emotional and behavioral problems, including issues with anger, anxiety and acting out. “Feelings are just a message to us,” Laura Markham, psychologist and author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.ahaparenting.com/peaceful-parent-happy-kids\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, told me. “When you allow yourself to feel an emotion, it begins to dissipate and heal.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Parents often ask me if they should be sharing their own negative feelings with their children. The knee-jerk reaction, of course, is to say no — we want to protect our kids from the unpleasant things in life. But research shows that parents and key adults who hide their negative feelings from their children may not only confuse them but also appear less emotionally available. In a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2020-26571-001\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">recent study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of 107 parents and their children, researchers at Washington State University found that when parents pretended everything was fine, the kids exhibited more signs of stress and, in fact, both parents and kids were less warm and engaged with one another. Also, parents who admit to and cope with common negative feelings such as anger, sadness and fear show kids how to handle these emotions, regulate them and make a situation better.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The key to emodiversity is to feel a whole host of emotions — and express them in healthy ways. We don’t want them to build up and lie dormant. As Marc Brackett, author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.marcbrackett.com/about/book-permission-to-feel/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Permission to Feel\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, so beautifully told Brené Brown on her podcast \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://brenebrown.com/podcast/dr-marc-brackett-and-brene-on-permission-to-feel/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Unlocking Us\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “Hurt feelings don’t vanish on their own. They don’t heal themselves. If we don’t express our emotions, they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Bottom line? Every feeling has a purpose. Talking about uncomfortable emotions and embracing them can result in better mental and physical health and, potentially, greater happiness in our kids and ourselves.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-62504\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/Dr.-Robyn-Silverman.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/Dr.-Robyn-Silverman.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/Dr.-Robyn-Silverman-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/10/Dr.-Robyn-Silverman-768x768.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Known as the “Conversation Doc,” \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/drrobynsilverman/\">Robyn Silverman\u003c/a> is a child and teen development specialist and host of the podcast, \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-anything/id1231126178\">How to Talk to Kids About Anything\u003c/a>\u003cem>, as well as the author of the book of the same name. She is a cofounder of the Powerful Words Character System, which gives educators the talking points they need to help children become kind, responsible citizens of the world. Find out all about the book at \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/fQx2ClYpANizZZppsjDlez?domain=parenting.drrobynsilverman.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">https://parenting.drrobynsilverman.com/\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62501/want-your-kids-to-be-happier-and-healthier-start-talking-with-them-about-uncomfortable-emotions","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_192","mindshift_21280","mindshift_21385"],"tags":["mindshift_21071","mindshift_21814","mindshift_21816","mindshift_20865","mindshift_21038","mindshift_21813","mindshift_943","mindshift_21815"],"featImg":"mindshift_62508","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_62409":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_62409","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"62409","score":null,"sort":[1695204002000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-bibliocounseling-can-create-space-for-black-girls-and-girls-of-color-to-connect-in-school","title":"How Bibliocounseling Can Create Space for Black Girls and Girls of Color to Connect in School","publishDate":1695204002,"format":"standard","headTitle":"How Bibliocounseling Can Create Space for Black Girls and Girls of Color to Connect in School | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Like many school counselors, Christina Tillery had trouble reaching kids during the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic. In the 2020-21 school year, only 100 out of 1800 students opted for in-person learning at\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> her school, while \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">her office remained in the building. Despite the challenges, Tillery used the opportunity to develop programming that could help her connect with students in new ways. Through many brainstorming sessions, she planned a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/50642/how-bibliotherapy-can-help-students-open-up-about-their-mental-health\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">bibliocounseling group\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, which she launched the next year. This group used literature to “facilitate therapeutic conversations and promote emotional well-being,” Tillery explained in a workshop at the American School Counselors Association (ASCA) \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://ascaconferences.org/2023/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">conference\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> last summer.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The bibliotherapy group brought together about a dozen students together under the supervision of Tillery and another school counselor at Highland Springs High School, a public school in the suburbs of Richmond, Virginia. This group read a book together and met weekly six times to discuss the themes, conflicts and relevance to their own lives. In the 2021-22 school year, many students were in the first uninterrupted school year since the start of the pandemic, and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59379/4-high-school-students-talk-mental-health-and-how-the-pandemic-changed-them\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">readjusting\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> to the social world of school \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59540/pandemic-effect-more-fights-and-class-disruptions-new-data-show\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">was rocky\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Against this backdrop, Tillery’s bibliocounseling group was a hit, and she said she loved sitting back and seeing the students \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61585/how-a-social-emotional-learning-book-club-can-cut-across-cliques-and-connect-kids\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">share and connect\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> with each other over vulnerable topics.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Tillery has continued organizing a bibliotherapy group each year. At the ASCA conference, she discussed how bibliocounseling can be used to create affinity groups for Black girls and girls of color. Tillery’s school \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://nces.ed.gov/ccd/schoolsearch/school_detail.asp?ID=510189000809\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">serves a predominantly Black population\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Tillery, too, is Black and lives in the school community. “I feel like I have a good relationship with the community,” she said. Many school counselors, however, work with student populations whose race and ethnicity \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11895538/representation-matters-the-case-for-more-black-counselors-in-k-12-schools\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">differ from their own\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. According to ASCA, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.schoolcounselor.org/getmedia/9c1d81ab-2484-4615-9dd7-d788a241beaf/member-demographics.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">almost three-quarters\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of its members are white, while \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/cge\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">less than half of K-12 public school students\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are white. At the conference, white counselors in several sessions asked about building their capacity to better support students of color. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In her session, Tillery said white counselors can be \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.teachingwhilewhite.org/being-a-coconspirator\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">co-conspirators\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> for students who come to them with experiences of racism.\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> She identified common systemic barriers that Black girls and girls of color face within the K-12 education system, including: racial \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58323/how-to-lay-the-groundwork-for-antibias-and-antiracist-teaching\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">bias\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, disproportionate \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FKUNLrMXic\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">discipline\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, limited representation in \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61220/illinois-teachers-create-black-history-courses-to-fill-in-gaps-in-u-s-history-for-students\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">curriculum\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54986/how-black-girls-benefit-when-math-has-social-interaction-and-ways-to-learn-together\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">opportunity gaps\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, lack of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58492/how-do-you-cultivate-genius-in-all-students\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">culturally responsive supports\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, inequitable resource allocation like \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61031/teen-girls-and-lgbtq-youth-plagued-by-violence-and-trauma-survey-says\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">mental health services\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and cultural and language barriers.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While bibliocounseling is not designed to address every systemic barrier head on, Tillery said it can help Black girls and girls of color connect with each other about their everyday struggles. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For Tillery’s first bibliocounseling group, the topics were clear: teen dating, teen relationships and teen intimate partner violence. Tillery and her colleagues had heard a lot of concerns from students related to these issues. By picking this focus, Tillery hoped to validate students’ feelings and experiences and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62011/teens-want-to-know-how-to-have-better-relationships-consent-education-can-help\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">help them navigate difficult relationships in positive ways\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The best themes and books for bibliocounseling will vary by school. Teachers and librarians can also partner with counselors to offer bibliotherapy programs. Tillery offered the following \u003ca href=\"https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hMXlpBVKsBQ3UvqBSVk4QLH-8hDpMMYyOomdV6WnwFI/edit\">advice for those interested in starting bibliocounseling affinity groups\u003c/a> for high school students:\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Figure out your program’s purpose and goals. Determining these will help to define a topic for that year’s reading topic.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Rely on resources found online as well as local and school librarians to find the right book.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Read the text in full before recommending it to a group of students. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Gather permissions from parents and caregivers and issue content warnings pertaining to the material as a part of the permission gathering process.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Use Google forms, QR codes, posters, and the school’s learning management system to gauge student interest in the group.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Incentivize completion of the bibliocounseling group interest form with a raffle or reward.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reach out to students who are often left out of activities,or who may not have had the opportunity to be a part of affinity groups in the past. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reach out to local literacy groups, libraries, non-profit organizations and even social media to acquire the books for students. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Bibliotherapy uses literature to facilitate therapeutic conversations and promote emotional well-being. One school counselor recommends bibliocounseling for affinity groups where students can share their everyday struggles.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1713290987,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":7,"wordCount":714},"headData":{"title":"How Bibliocounseling Can Create Space for Black Girls and Girls of Color to Connect in School | KQED","description":"A school counselor shares how she uses bibliotherapy in affinity groups where students can share their everyday struggles.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"A school counselor shares how she uses bibliotherapy in affinity groups where students can share their everyday struggles.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How Bibliocounseling Can Create Space for Black Girls and Girls of Color to Connect in School","datePublished":"2023-09-20T10:00:02.000Z","dateModified":"2024-04-16T18:09:47.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62409/how-bibliocounseling-can-create-space-for-black-girls-and-girls-of-color-to-connect-in-school","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Like many school counselors, Christina Tillery had trouble reaching kids during the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic. In the 2020-21 school year, only 100 out of 1800 students opted for in-person learning at\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> her school, while \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">her office remained in the building. Despite the challenges, Tillery used the opportunity to develop programming that could help her connect with students in new ways. Through many brainstorming sessions, she planned a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/50642/how-bibliotherapy-can-help-students-open-up-about-their-mental-health\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">bibliocounseling group\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, which she launched the next year. This group used literature to “facilitate therapeutic conversations and promote emotional well-being,” Tillery explained in a workshop at the American School Counselors Association (ASCA) \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://ascaconferences.org/2023/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">conference\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> last summer.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The bibliotherapy group brought together about a dozen students together under the supervision of Tillery and another school counselor at Highland Springs High School, a public school in the suburbs of Richmond, Virginia. This group read a book together and met weekly six times to discuss the themes, conflicts and relevance to their own lives. In the 2021-22 school year, many students were in the first uninterrupted school year since the start of the pandemic, and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59379/4-high-school-students-talk-mental-health-and-how-the-pandemic-changed-them\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">readjusting\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> to the social world of school \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59540/pandemic-effect-more-fights-and-class-disruptions-new-data-show\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">was rocky\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Against this backdrop, Tillery’s bibliocounseling group was a hit, and she said she loved sitting back and seeing the students \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61585/how-a-social-emotional-learning-book-club-can-cut-across-cliques-and-connect-kids\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">share and connect\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> with each other over vulnerable topics.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Tillery has continued organizing a bibliotherapy group each year. At the ASCA conference, she discussed how bibliocounseling can be used to create affinity groups for Black girls and girls of color. Tillery’s school \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://nces.ed.gov/ccd/schoolsearch/school_detail.asp?ID=510189000809\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">serves a predominantly Black population\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Tillery, too, is Black and lives in the school community. “I feel like I have a good relationship with the community,” she said. Many school counselors, however, work with student populations whose race and ethnicity \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11895538/representation-matters-the-case-for-more-black-counselors-in-k-12-schools\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">differ from their own\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. According to ASCA, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.schoolcounselor.org/getmedia/9c1d81ab-2484-4615-9dd7-d788a241beaf/member-demographics.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">almost three-quarters\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of its members are white, while \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/cge\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">less than half of K-12 public school students\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are white. At the conference, white counselors in several sessions asked about building their capacity to better support students of color. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In her session, Tillery said white counselors can be \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.teachingwhilewhite.org/being-a-coconspirator\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">co-conspirators\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> for students who come to them with experiences of racism.\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> She identified common systemic barriers that Black girls and girls of color face within the K-12 education system, including: racial \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58323/how-to-lay-the-groundwork-for-antibias-and-antiracist-teaching\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">bias\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, disproportionate \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FKUNLrMXic\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">discipline\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, limited representation in \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61220/illinois-teachers-create-black-history-courses-to-fill-in-gaps-in-u-s-history-for-students\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">curriculum\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54986/how-black-girls-benefit-when-math-has-social-interaction-and-ways-to-learn-together\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">opportunity gaps\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, lack of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58492/how-do-you-cultivate-genius-in-all-students\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">culturally responsive supports\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, inequitable resource allocation like \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61031/teen-girls-and-lgbtq-youth-plagued-by-violence-and-trauma-survey-says\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">mental health services\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and cultural and language barriers.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While bibliocounseling is not designed to address every systemic barrier head on, Tillery said it can help Black girls and girls of color connect with each other about their everyday struggles. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For Tillery’s first bibliocounseling group, the topics were clear: teen dating, teen relationships and teen intimate partner violence. Tillery and her colleagues had heard a lot of concerns from students related to these issues. By picking this focus, Tillery hoped to validate students’ feelings and experiences and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62011/teens-want-to-know-how-to-have-better-relationships-consent-education-can-help\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">help them navigate difficult relationships in positive ways\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The best themes and books for bibliocounseling will vary by school. Teachers and librarians can also partner with counselors to offer bibliotherapy programs. Tillery offered the following \u003ca href=\"https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hMXlpBVKsBQ3UvqBSVk4QLH-8hDpMMYyOomdV6WnwFI/edit\">advice for those interested in starting bibliocounseling affinity groups\u003c/a> for high school students:\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Figure out your program’s purpose and goals. Determining these will help to define a topic for that year’s reading topic.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Rely on resources found online as well as local and school librarians to find the right book.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Read the text in full before recommending it to a group of students. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Gather permissions from parents and caregivers and issue content warnings pertaining to the material as a part of the permission gathering process.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Use Google forms, QR codes, posters, and the school’s learning management system to gauge student interest in the group.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Incentivize completion of the bibliocounseling group interest form with a raffle or reward.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reach out to students who are often left out of activities,or who may not have had the opportunity to be a part of affinity groups in the past. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reach out to local literacy groups, libraries, non-profit organizations and even social media to acquire the books for students. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62409/how-bibliocounseling-can-create-space-for-black-girls-and-girls-of-color-to-connect-in-school","authors":["11759"],"categories":["mindshift_21357","mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21617","mindshift_21322","mindshift_21202","mindshift_21342","mindshift_972","mindshift_444","mindshift_20865","mindshift_550","mindshift_21337","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_62413","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_62290":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_62290","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"62290","score":null,"sort":[1693303216000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"teaching-kids-the-right-way-to-say-im-sorry","title":"Teaching Kids the Right Way to Say 'I’m sorry'","publishDate":1693303216,"format":"standard","headTitle":"Teaching Kids the Right Way to Say ‘I’m sorry’ | KQED","labelTerm":{"term":21847,"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"#episode-transcript\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">View the full episode transcript.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s a common scenario – one that plays out in schools and homes all the time. A child hurts another child, physically or emotionally. Grownups are called in to arbitrate. The adult tells one – or perhaps all – of the kids to say, “I’m sorry.” Those two words are uttered, and all is supposed to be well. But the resolution is often lopsided. “When you just do that quick apology, you feel better, you move on,” said fifth grade teacher Rayna Freedman. “But oftentimes the other person is still left with a bucket of feelings.” She remembers that from her own childhood, and she sees it all the time in her classroom at Jordan Jackson Elementary School in Mansfield, Massachusetts. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">That’s why, for the last few years, she’s been teaching her students how to give more meaningful apologies. During these lessons, the fifth graders practice not only saying “I’m sorry,” but acknowledging why their actions were wrong, offering to repair harm, and promising not to repeat the behavior.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Effective apologies require empathy, perspective-taking, honesty and courage – all \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58790/why-kindness-and-emotional-literacy-matters-in-raising-kids\">qualities that schools and parents try to cultivate in children\u003c/a>. Freedman has seen that teaching how to apologize well changes her students’ interactions with each other and with her for the better. “These types of lessons really build empathy in kids because now they’re able to clearly understand that even though I don’t [or] might not realize I did something wrong, I still hurt this other human being somehow,” she said. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Role-playing apologies\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Explicit lessons on giving good apologies are rare for kids, and they live in a world full of adults who aren’t great at the task, either. “I think there are lots of people who just think of an apology as something that mean people force you to do,” said Susan McCarthy, co-author of \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2023/01/19/1150075861/authors-explain-how-and-why-to-apologize-the-right-way\">Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies\u003c/a>.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> “Now they’re a grown up, nobody can make them apologize and they’re not going\u003c/span> to.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">McCarthy and her co-author, Marjorie Ingall, are also the pens behind \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">SorryWatch\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a website that analyzes apologies in the news, pop culture and history. SorryWatch is full of examples of bad apologies, such as actors who \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/no-it-is-not-the-tradition-to-sacrifice-a-sound-guy/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">tweet “I’m sorry \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">if\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">,”\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> athletes who \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/5370/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">make excuses with their apologies\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and corporations that issue apology statements \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/a-horrid-apology-from-lufthansa-right-out-of-the-gate/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">without ever naming what happened\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/sweet-glittery-apologies-in-the-real-world/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Good apologies\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are rare, but they don’t have to be. “The nice thing about good apologies is that the form is actually really simple. It’s the doing it that is hard, not the steps themselves,” said Ingall.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Like most hard things, apologizing is easier when you’ve had practice. In Freedman’s fifth grade class, she teaches seven steps to a meaningful apology. Her lessons were inspired by \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/rlfreedm/status/1343305366449369092\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a sketchnote by educator Sylvia Duckworth\u003c/span>\u003c/a>, ideas about ‘brave spaces’ from educator \u003ca href=\"https://www.kennethshelton.net/\">Kenneth Shelton\u003c/a>,\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and a podcast episode with \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://brenebrown.com/podcast/harriet-lerner-and-brene-im-sorry-how-to-apologize-why-it-matters-part-1-of-2/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">psychologist Harriet Lerner and author Brené Brown\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" lang=\"en\">Thanks @sylviaduckworth \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/BreneBrown?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">@BreneBrown\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/HarrietLerner?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">@HarrietLerner\u003c/a> 4 inspiring this conversation 2 have w/Ss. I’ve been planning a lesson on how to apologize & \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> post gave me the kick I needed. \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/SlidesManiaSM?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">@SlidesManiaSM\u003c/a> TY for your template! \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/hashtag/remotelearning?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#remotelearning\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/hashtag/ditchbook?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#ditchbook\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://t.co/etmeZxl4em\">https://t.co/etmeZxl4em\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://t.co/V39R9KADAg\">https://t.co/V39R9KADAg\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>— Rayna Freedman, Ed.D (@rlfreedm) \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/rlfreedm/status/1343305366449369092?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">December 27, 2020\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Freedman teaches the lessons during morning meetings, a period when her class does community-building activities. She covers one step per day, and students role-play with made-up scenarios, such as tripping a classmate at recess or plagiarizing their homework.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For most students, steps like saying why their behavior was wrong and asking “How can I make this better?” are new terrain. “Just getting them to talk and have a conversation about it and be in that driver’s seat to practice is huge because you can’t just teach them a step and then not actually have them practice it and use it,” Freedman said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In addition to role-playing, students discuss why the steps matter, what bad apologies sound like, and how it feels to receive good and bad apologies. They also talk about the difference between when they want to apologize and when they’re told to apologize. For Freedman, that’s important because there’s no point in apologizing if they haven’t truly accepted responsibility. It’s also important because not every instance someone demands or expects an apology from another person is valid. Freedman can still remember the injustice of being required to apologize for things she didn’t do as a kid or where her feelings weren’t being heard.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“There are times where the adults do need to listen to kids and what they’re saying and what they’re feeling. And kids need to be empowered and know that they have a voice and be able to share that voice,” she said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">McCarthy and Ingall said that not listening to kids is one of several common mistakes adults make when teaching (or telling) kids to say “I’m sorry.” Others include:\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Not modeling good apologies.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> This can mean giving bad apologies or just doing their apologies in private where kids don’t get to see and hear them.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Scolding children \u003c/b>\u003cb>\u003ci>after \u003c/i>\u003c/b>\u003cb>they’ve apologized. \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This creates an association in the child’s memory between apologizing and being reprimanded, making them less inclined to apologize in the future.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Requiring kids to kiss or hug after an apology.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> “Apologies are with words, not with touching,” said Ingall.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Showing up with bravery\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Throughout her lessons, Freedman shares apology examples from her own life. She said that hearing her stories and each others’ experiences is validating for students. It also normalizes screwing up sometimes while building skills to move forward from those mistakes.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“I think the whole thing with going through this is [that] it’s humbling, right?” she said. “It’s teaching people to accept responsibility for something they’ve done. And not everybody can do that.” After these lessons, her fifth graders can. Freedman has seen students put the steps into practice in her classroom and on the playground. She’s also heard about her students teaching other kids or family members how to apologize better.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Samantha Huffenus, mom to one of Freedman’s recent students, said she’d noticed the difference in her son. “Caleb has actually gotten much better about apologizing just in the very, very recent past,” she said a few months after the lessons. “He used to send text messages when he felt like he owed an apology to one of us, usually his dad or I. And the other day he came downstairs and he apologized [for something] and he accepted it.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The face-to-face acknowledgement made the apology feel more genuine, Huffenus said. For his part, Caleb said that the steps he learned in class feel better than a hasty, two-word apology. “I feel like the person appreciates it much more, that I actually care about saying sorry,” he said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s one step in the seven from Freedman’s lessons that McCarthy and Ingall, the SorryWatch writers, disagree with. It’s asking forgiveness, which they leave out of their own \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/louder-for-the-folks-in-the-back-the-6-5-steps-to-a-good-apology/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">guidance for a good apology\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “We think forgiveness is a gift to be granted. And it’s rude to ask for a gift,” Ingall explained. That difference aside, the authors find it encouraging to see teachers bringing apologies lessons into classrooms. “Apologies are an essential part of building the world we want to live in,” Ingall said. “And I would hope that parents and teachers can work together on creating this kind of much more civilized, beautiful world.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">That sentiment echoes Freedman’s vision for her classroom. Her apologies lessons are part of a year-long effort to prompt students to reflect on how they show up in school, at home and in their community. She models showing up in brave and honest ways by sharing her own mistakes and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.huffpost.com/entry/teachers-apologizing-students_n_60ae80d0e4b0d45b7531b0d3\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">apologizing to students\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> when necessary. And she hopes the effects of these lessons will carry on when students leave her classroom.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“I feel that I am teaching kids life skills beyond how to solve a math problem or how to read and decode a text,” she said. “Those are the things that – state standards, Common Core – that we have to teach. But I teach humans.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Humans make mistakes. And to make things better, humans apologize.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm/?e=KQINC6212545512&light=true\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 id=\"episode-transcript\">Episode Transcript\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Welcome to MindShift, where we explore the future of learning and how we raise our kids. I’m Kara Newhouse.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> And I’m Nimah Gobir.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Today we’re talking about something that isn’t usually in school curriculum: how to say “I’m sorry.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Students don’t get graded for it, but apologizing is a learned skill. And it can be hard.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Fonzie\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Richie, I am sincerely ssss … [\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Laughter\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Richie:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Fonz, you don’t have to say ‘I’m sorry.’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Fonzie\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Good. I won’t.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> That was Fonzie in the classic sitcom \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Happy Days\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. In the show, his inability to say “sorry” was a running joke. But it’s true that a lot of people have trouble saying those words.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> And that’s not the only way to mess up an apology.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> We’ve all heard bad apologies. Someone might say they’re sorry but never say what for…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Justin Timberlake:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> What occurred was unintentional…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They might apologize for someone else’s feelings, instead of their own actions.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Brittany Dawn Davis:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I apologize to anyone who feels like they got scammed from me.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They might try to justify their actions. Or soften their admission of responsibility by saying this isn’t really who they are.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Chris Brown: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I have tried to live my life in a way which can make those around me proud of me, and until recently, I think I was doing a pretty good job.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Those clips were from apologies by pop singer Justin Timberlake, fitness influencer Brittany Dawn and R&B singer Chris Brown. Kids hear bad apologies on TV, in the news, and in their own lives all the time. And they aren’t usually taught how to do it better.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> But there’s hope. In today’s episode we’ll learn the elements of a good apology, and we’ll meet a fifth grade teacher who’s helping her students learn the right way to say “I’m sorry.” That’s all after the break.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Psychologists and researchers have developed a variety of models for how to give a good apology.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They all have a few things in common.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Acknowledging what happened and the harm it caused. Actually saying “I’m sorry.” Offering a way to repair harm. And committing to not repeat the behavior.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Kara, we already heard some examples of what bad apologies sound like. Let’s hear a good example.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I talked to Eva Lewis, who works in public engagement for state government. She told me about a pretty big mistake she made as a senior in college. She was supposed to write an honors thesis analyzing foreign aid to developing countries.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Eva Lewis:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I thought I had a resource that had the data I needed for those 40 countries. But then when I got into the data, it did not. It only had like 28 of the countries and there was missing data.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> She told her professor. The professor notified the academic dean that Eva was at risk of not finishing her thesis. Eva was … stressed.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Eva Lewis: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">So my sister gave me a good point. She’s like, ‘Hey, go talk to the academic dean, apologize and talk about how you’re going to rectify it.’ And me, I would have never thought about this. So I made an appointment with the academic dean, and as soon as I sat down with her, I said, ‘Hey, I just wanna apologize. Like, I didn’t do what I needed to do. I should have looked at the data before – completely – before saying I was going to do this and that, this and that.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The dean was surprised. She’d heard plenty of excuses from students in her career. But apologies? Not so much.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Eva Lewis: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And she just stared at me. She was like. No one’s ever. No one’s ever done that.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Eva worked out a plan to narrow the focus of her thesis and find some additional data.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Did you graduate?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Eva Lewis:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Yes, I did. With honors.\u003c/span> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">laughter\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Kara, that does sound like a pretty good apology. She acknowledged what she’d done wrong, actually said ‘I’m sorry,’ and made a plan to fix the problem.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The other thing I love about Eva’s story is that her sister suggested she apologize AND gave her tips for how to do it. Most of us don’t get models like that as kids or even as young adults.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Susan McCarthy: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I think there are lots of people who just think of apology as something that, that mean people force you to do. Now they’re a grown up. Nobody can make them apologize and they’re not going to.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> That’s Susan McCarthy. She’s one of the creators of SorryWatch, a website that analyzes apologies in the news, pop culture and history.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Susan McCarthy: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We take them apart and we say, ‘This is good and here’s why. This is bad and here’s why.’ It turns out that there’s a big appetite out there for ‘Why did that apology not leave me feeling good?’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Susan and her SorryWatch partner, Marjorie Ingall, also wrote a book. It’s called \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. In one chapter, Susan and Marjorie write about the things grown-ups get wrong when dealing with children and apologies.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Sometimes when a parent or a teacher just wants kids to stop fighting, they’ll tell everyone involved to say “sorry” without finding out what really happened.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> It takes longer, but when adults make time and space to listen to children who are fighting, the kids can feel heard. That makes it more likely that when they do say “I’m sorry,” they’ll mean it.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Another thing that grown-ups often do is lecture kids after they’ve already apologized.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Susan compared this to a mistake new dog owners make. Imagine you’ve got an energetic puppy running around, and it doesn’t come when you call it. You call its name a few times, and when it finally comes…you yell “bad dog!”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Susan McCarthy: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">You’re not rewarding the dog for coming. You’re punishing it for coming. So the next time the dog goes, ‘ehh, she’s calling me, but she’s just going to get mad at me, so I’ll just stay out of arm’s reach.’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> So when an adult scolds a child after they’ve apologized, it creates a link in the child’s brain between saying “sorry” and that negative reaction.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Marjorie, Susan’s co-author, suggested a better way to respond.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Marjorie Ingall:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When a kid apologizes to you, even though you’re angry for the thing that the kid is apologizing for, you know, I think we have to take a step back and have the first response be, ‘Thank you for apologizing. I know that was difficult. Where do you think we go from here?’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Kara, everything we’ve talked about so far is about how to respond after a problem occurs. What can we do to proactively teach kids about apologies before they need to give one?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Nimah, we don’t usually think about it this way, but learning social-emotional skills is like playing a sport or an instrument. You need to learn some basics and practice in a supportive setting before you can apply it when the stakes are higher.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I met a fifth grade teacher who is creating that kind of learning space for her students. Because it’s hard to teach this sort of lesson in the heat of the moment.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I hear a lot of “I’m sorry.” And then they move on. But the other person’s still sitting there like, “What is happening?”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dr. Rayna Freedman teaches at Jordan Jackson Elementary School in Mansfield, Massachusetts. Since fifth grade is the final year before middle school, it’s her job to prepare students for that. She sees this goal as more than just academic.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I feel that I am teaching kids life skills beyond how to solve a math problem or how to read and decode a text. Those are the things that state standards, right, Common Core, that we have to teach. But I teach humans.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">One of the ways this idea of “teaching humans” comes into play is during morning meetings. That’s when the class does activities that Dr. Freedman designed to help her fifth graders figure out who they want to be in the world.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We do a lot of talking about what a brave space is. We read this poem from Facing History & Ourselves that talks about how there’s no such thing as a safe space, that there’s only brave spaces, and standing up and being honest and reflective in those spaces.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dr. Freedman’s students explore topics like kindness and community. They share their passions and their dreams. And for two weeks in January, they learn how to say “I’m sorry” in a meaningful way.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We really start off with discussing like when you’re told to apologize and then when you want to apologize, which are two different things that are – the kids are taken aback when we start.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dr. Freedman uses a seven step model for apologies. One of her students, Caleb Huffenus, got a lot out of the lessons, so he’ll help share the steps.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We start off with saying what you’re sorry for.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“I’m sorry for…”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Before moving on to\u003c/span> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">step two, which is saying why it was wrong.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It was wrong because…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Then we go on to the third step, which is accepting full responsibility. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I accept full responsibility for what I did/said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And then asking how to make amends is step four, which gets into having a conversation with the person, because you recognize that that other person’s hurt.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">How can I make this better?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The fifth step is committing to not doing it again.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Moving forward, I promise to…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The sixth step is asking for forgiveness.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Will you accept my apology?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The seventh step is to thank the person they’re talking to about validating the other person for bringing whatever it was to their attention.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Thank you for bringing this to my attention.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The students role-play each step with scenarios, like tripping a classmate at recess or plagiarizing their homework.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Just getting them to talk and have a conversation about it is huge.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dr. Freedman teaches one step per day. After all the role-playing, the class spends a few days discussing good and bad apologies.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A lot of them had no idea there was more to it than “I’m sorry.” In fact, all of them. And then when we got into what’s not an apology, you hear the snickers because you know that that’s what they’ve been doing.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The students also write down some of their reflections. Here’s what one of them wrote.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Child actor [Nico Yuen]: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sometimes I feel under pressure because I did something and I don’t want to accept full responsibility. I try to do it, but I don’t have the guts to do it sometimes. But from now on, I’m going to accept responsibility.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And that’s out of the mouth of a fifth grader.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When I talked to Caleb, who gave us the apology steps earlier, he said that before these lessons he’d never done most of the steps. Like number five, promising not to repeat the mistake. Now, he thinks that’s important.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Because if you don’t commit to not doing this again, they might think that you would do that again to them and might not stay friends with you.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Caleb noticed that when classmates used these steps, their apologies felt more sincere. It made a difference when he apologized to others, too.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I feel like the person appreciates it much more that I actually care about saying sorry. And not just saying sorry and being over with it.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Caleb’s mom, Samantha Huffenus, noticed a difference in her fifth grader, too.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Samantha Huffenus:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Caleb has actually gotten much better about apologizing. Just in the very, very recent past. I’ve noticed a really big change. He used to send text messages when he felt like he owed an apology to one of us, usually his dad or I. And the other day he came downstairs and he apologized and he, he accepted it.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Samantha Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It really made a huge difference because before it kind of just seemed like he did it because he felt like he should say something, either because he was in trouble and and knew he should apologize or whatever the case may be. But coming down and actually, you know, doing some of those steps that he learned really made a difference to me, receiving the apology and making it seem a lot more genuine.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">So Kara, Caleb was able to do something a lot of adults don’t do – apologize face to face.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">He’s not the only one. In the three years she’s taught these lessons, Dr. Freedman has heard from other parents who noticed their children using these steps with their siblings. She’s also heard from other teachers about her students apologizing to kids at recess. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Often when kids hurt someone or break a rule, they get caught up in the fear and shame that comes from knowing they did something wrong. They’re thinking “Am I going to get in trouble?” … And, “How can I avoid getting in trouble?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Learning how to apologize gives them a different path forward.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And so these types of lessons really build empathy in kids because now they’re able to clearly understand that even though I don’t, I might not realize I did something wrong, I still hurt this other human being somehow.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Dr. Freedman has even heard about her students using what they learned to advocate for themselves when they’re being treated unfairly.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I’ve heard it from families before where at the dinner table, the child is teaching them, ‘No, you don’t apologize like that.’ Like ‘That’s too rushed. You’re not listening to me and my feelings.’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Good apologies require empathy, perspective-taking, honesty and courage – all things that schools and parents try to cultivate in children.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Dr. Freedman said that teaching these lessons has made her more intentional about her own apologies. She stopped saying sorry for things just because someone told her to, and she’s conscious of modeling true apologies to her students.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I’ve had to do some big apologies. Right? Like things even to kids. Like, ‘I did not know that this could have been taken this way. And let’s talk about what that means and how it makes you feel. And, you know, I’m going to accept responsibility and I am not going to use those words anymore.’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Dr. Freedman created the apologies lessons in 2020, after going through several years of diversity, equity and inclusion training. That work helped her reflect on things she had said or done in the past that were hurtful or offensive, even if she didn’t know it at the time.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If we could all apologize when we say things like that to people who are different than us, regardless of if it’s religion, political, sex, gender, whatever it is, we’d probably be in a better place. And that’s being in the brave space, right?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> When grown-ups model humility and give kids tools to put apologies into action, they can help young people be in the brave space at school, at home, and as they grow into the future.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Thank you to Rayna Freedman, Caleb and Samantha Huffenus, Susan McCarthy, Marjorie Ingall, and Eva Lewis. Thanks also to Nico Yuen for reading the student reflection. The MindShift team includes Nimah Gobir, Ki Sung, Marlena Jackson-Retondo, and me, Kara Newhouse.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Our editor is Chris Hambrick. Chris Hoff engineered this episode. Jen Chien is KQED’s director of podcasts. Katie Sprenger is Podcast Operations Manager. Audience Engagement Support from Cesar Saldaña. Holly Kernan is KQED’s Chief Content Officer.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">MindShift is supported in part by the generosity of the William & Flora Hewlett Foundation and members of KQED. Thank you for listening!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Kids don't often get explicit lessons in how to give a good apology. A fifth grade teacher in Massachusetts has her students role-play the steps beyond \"I'm sorry.\"","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1714586989,"stats":{"hasAudio":true,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":129,"wordCount":4602},"headData":{"title":"Teaching Kids the Right Way to Say 'I’m sorry' | KQED","description":"Effective apologies require empathy, perspective-taking, honesty and courage. A fifth grade teacher has her students role-play the steps beyond "I'm sorry."","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"Effective apologies require empathy, perspective-taking, honesty and courage. A fifth grade teacher has her students role-play the steps beyond "I'm sorry."","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Teaching Kids the Right Way to Say 'I’m sorry'","datePublished":"2023-08-29T10:00:16.000Z","dateModified":"2024-05-01T18:09:49.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"audioUrl":"https://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/chrt.fm/track/G6C7C3/traffic.megaphone.fm/KQINC6212545512.mp3?updated=1693257447","sticky":false,"nprStoryId":"kqed-62290","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62290/teaching-kids-the-right-way-to-say-im-sorry","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"#episode-transcript\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">View the full episode transcript.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s a common scenario – one that plays out in schools and homes all the time. A child hurts another child, physically or emotionally. Grownups are called in to arbitrate. The adult tells one – or perhaps all – of the kids to say, “I’m sorry.” Those two words are uttered, and all is supposed to be well. But the resolution is often lopsided. “When you just do that quick apology, you feel better, you move on,” said fifth grade teacher Rayna Freedman. “But oftentimes the other person is still left with a bucket of feelings.” She remembers that from her own childhood, and she sees it all the time in her classroom at Jordan Jackson Elementary School in Mansfield, Massachusetts. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">That’s why, for the last few years, she’s been teaching her students how to give more meaningful apologies. During these lessons, the fifth graders practice not only saying “I’m sorry,” but acknowledging why their actions were wrong, offering to repair harm, and promising not to repeat the behavior.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Effective apologies require empathy, perspective-taking, honesty and courage – all \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58790/why-kindness-and-emotional-literacy-matters-in-raising-kids\">qualities that schools and parents try to cultivate in children\u003c/a>. Freedman has seen that teaching how to apologize well changes her students’ interactions with each other and with her for the better. “These types of lessons really build empathy in kids because now they’re able to clearly understand that even though I don’t [or] might not realize I did something wrong, I still hurt this other human being somehow,” she said. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Role-playing apologies\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Explicit lessons on giving good apologies are rare for kids, and they live in a world full of adults who aren’t great at the task, either. “I think there are lots of people who just think of an apology as something that mean people force you to do,” said Susan McCarthy, co-author of \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2023/01/19/1150075861/authors-explain-how-and-why-to-apologize-the-right-way\">Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies\u003c/a>.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> “Now they’re a grown up, nobody can make them apologize and they’re not going\u003c/span> to.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">McCarthy and her co-author, Marjorie Ingall, are also the pens behind \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">SorryWatch\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a website that analyzes apologies in the news, pop culture and history. SorryWatch is full of examples of bad apologies, such as actors who \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/no-it-is-not-the-tradition-to-sacrifice-a-sound-guy/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">tweet “I’m sorry \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">if\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">,”\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> athletes who \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/5370/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">make excuses with their apologies\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and corporations that issue apology statements \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/a-horrid-apology-from-lufthansa-right-out-of-the-gate/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">without ever naming what happened\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/sweet-glittery-apologies-in-the-real-world/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Good apologies\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are rare, but they don’t have to be. “The nice thing about good apologies is that the form is actually really simple. It’s the doing it that is hard, not the steps themselves,” said Ingall.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Like most hard things, apologizing is easier when you’ve had practice. In Freedman’s fifth grade class, she teaches seven steps to a meaningful apology. Her lessons were inspired by \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/rlfreedm/status/1343305366449369092\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a sketchnote by educator Sylvia Duckworth\u003c/span>\u003c/a>, ideas about ‘brave spaces’ from educator \u003ca href=\"https://www.kennethshelton.net/\">Kenneth Shelton\u003c/a>,\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and a podcast episode with \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://brenebrown.com/podcast/harriet-lerner-and-brene-im-sorry-how-to-apologize-why-it-matters-part-1-of-2/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">psychologist Harriet Lerner and author Brené Brown\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" lang=\"en\">Thanks @sylviaduckworth \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/BreneBrown?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">@BreneBrown\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/HarrietLerner?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">@HarrietLerner\u003c/a> 4 inspiring this conversation 2 have w/Ss. I’ve been planning a lesson on how to apologize & \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> post gave me the kick I needed. \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/SlidesManiaSM?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">@SlidesManiaSM\u003c/a> TY for your template! \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/hashtag/remotelearning?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#remotelearning\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/hashtag/ditchbook?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#ditchbook\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://t.co/etmeZxl4em\">https://t.co/etmeZxl4em\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://t.co/V39R9KADAg\">https://t.co/V39R9KADAg\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>— Rayna Freedman, Ed.D (@rlfreedm) \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/rlfreedm/status/1343305366449369092?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">December 27, 2020\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Freedman teaches the lessons during morning meetings, a period when her class does community-building activities. She covers one step per day, and students role-play with made-up scenarios, such as tripping a classmate at recess or plagiarizing their homework.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For most students, steps like saying why their behavior was wrong and asking “How can I make this better?” are new terrain. “Just getting them to talk and have a conversation about it and be in that driver’s seat to practice is huge because you can’t just teach them a step and then not actually have them practice it and use it,” Freedman said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In addition to role-playing, students discuss why the steps matter, what bad apologies sound like, and how it feels to receive good and bad apologies. They also talk about the difference between when they want to apologize and when they’re told to apologize. For Freedman, that’s important because there’s no point in apologizing if they haven’t truly accepted responsibility. It’s also important because not every instance someone demands or expects an apology from another person is valid. Freedman can still remember the injustice of being required to apologize for things she didn’t do as a kid or where her feelings weren’t being heard.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“There are times where the adults do need to listen to kids and what they’re saying and what they’re feeling. And kids need to be empowered and know that they have a voice and be able to share that voice,” she said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">McCarthy and Ingall said that not listening to kids is one of several common mistakes adults make when teaching (or telling) kids to say “I’m sorry.” Others include:\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Not modeling good apologies.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> This can mean giving bad apologies or just doing their apologies in private where kids don’t get to see and hear them.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Scolding children \u003c/b>\u003cb>\u003ci>after \u003c/i>\u003c/b>\u003cb>they’ve apologized. \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This creates an association in the child’s memory between apologizing and being reprimanded, making them less inclined to apologize in the future.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Requiring kids to kiss or hug after an apology.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> “Apologies are with words, not with touching,” said Ingall.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Showing up with bravery\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Throughout her lessons, Freedman shares apology examples from her own life. She said that hearing her stories and each others’ experiences is validating for students. It also normalizes screwing up sometimes while building skills to move forward from those mistakes.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“I think the whole thing with going through this is [that] it’s humbling, right?” she said. “It’s teaching people to accept responsibility for something they’ve done. And not everybody can do that.” After these lessons, her fifth graders can. Freedman has seen students put the steps into practice in her classroom and on the playground. She’s also heard about her students teaching other kids or family members how to apologize better.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Samantha Huffenus, mom to one of Freedman’s recent students, said she’d noticed the difference in her son. “Caleb has actually gotten much better about apologizing just in the very, very recent past,” she said a few months after the lessons. “He used to send text messages when he felt like he owed an apology to one of us, usually his dad or I. And the other day he came downstairs and he apologized [for something] and he accepted it.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The face-to-face acknowledgement made the apology feel more genuine, Huffenus said. For his part, Caleb said that the steps he learned in class feel better than a hasty, two-word apology. “I feel like the person appreciates it much more, that I actually care about saying sorry,” he said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s one step in the seven from Freedman’s lessons that McCarthy and Ingall, the SorryWatch writers, disagree with. It’s asking forgiveness, which they leave out of their own \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://sorrywatch.com/louder-for-the-folks-in-the-back-the-6-5-steps-to-a-good-apology/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">guidance for a good apology\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “We think forgiveness is a gift to be granted. And it’s rude to ask for a gift,” Ingall explained. That difference aside, the authors find it encouraging to see teachers bringing apologies lessons into classrooms. “Apologies are an essential part of building the world we want to live in,” Ingall said. “And I would hope that parents and teachers can work together on creating this kind of much more civilized, beautiful world.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">That sentiment echoes Freedman’s vision for her classroom. Her apologies lessons are part of a year-long effort to prompt students to reflect on how they show up in school, at home and in their community. She models showing up in brave and honest ways by sharing her own mistakes and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.huffpost.com/entry/teachers-apologizing-students_n_60ae80d0e4b0d45b7531b0d3\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">apologizing to students\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> when necessary. And she hopes the effects of these lessons will carry on when students leave her classroom.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“I feel that I am teaching kids life skills beyond how to solve a math problem or how to read and decode a text,” she said. “Those are the things that – state standards, Common Core – that we have to teach. But I teach humans.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Humans make mistakes. And to make things better, humans apologize.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm/?e=KQINC6212545512&light=true\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 id=\"episode-transcript\">Episode Transcript\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Welcome to MindShift, where we explore the future of learning and how we raise our kids. I’m Kara Newhouse.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> And I’m Nimah Gobir.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Today we’re talking about something that isn’t usually in school curriculum: how to say “I’m sorry.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Students don’t get graded for it, but apologizing is a learned skill. And it can be hard.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Fonzie\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Richie, I am sincerely ssss … [\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Laughter\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Richie:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Fonz, you don’t have to say ‘I’m sorry.’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Fonzie\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Good. I won’t.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> That was Fonzie in the classic sitcom \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Happy Days\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. In the show, his inability to say “sorry” was a running joke. But it’s true that a lot of people have trouble saying those words.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> And that’s not the only way to mess up an apology.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> We’ve all heard bad apologies. Someone might say they’re sorry but never say what for…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Justin Timberlake:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> What occurred was unintentional…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They might apologize for someone else’s feelings, instead of their own actions.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Brittany Dawn Davis:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I apologize to anyone who feels like they got scammed from me.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They might try to justify their actions. Or soften their admission of responsibility by saying this isn’t really who they are.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Chris Brown: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I have tried to live my life in a way which can make those around me proud of me, and until recently, I think I was doing a pretty good job.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Those clips were from apologies by pop singer Justin Timberlake, fitness influencer Brittany Dawn and R&B singer Chris Brown. Kids hear bad apologies on TV, in the news, and in their own lives all the time. And they aren’t usually taught how to do it better.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> But there’s hope. In today’s episode we’ll learn the elements of a good apology, and we’ll meet a fifth grade teacher who’s helping her students learn the right way to say “I’m sorry.” That’s all after the break.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Psychologists and researchers have developed a variety of models for how to give a good apology.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> They all have a few things in common.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Acknowledging what happened and the harm it caused. Actually saying “I’m sorry.” Offering a way to repair harm. And committing to not repeat the behavior.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Kara, we already heard some examples of what bad apologies sound like. Let’s hear a good example.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> I talked to Eva Lewis, who works in public engagement for state government. She told me about a pretty big mistake she made as a senior in college. She was supposed to write an honors thesis analyzing foreign aid to developing countries.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Eva Lewis:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I thought I had a resource that had the data I needed for those 40 countries. But then when I got into the data, it did not. It only had like 28 of the countries and there was missing data.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> She told her professor. The professor notified the academic dean that Eva was at risk of not finishing her thesis. Eva was … stressed.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Eva Lewis: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">So my sister gave me a good point. She’s like, ‘Hey, go talk to the academic dean, apologize and talk about how you’re going to rectify it.’ And me, I would have never thought about this. So I made an appointment with the academic dean, and as soon as I sat down with her, I said, ‘Hey, I just wanna apologize. Like, I didn’t do what I needed to do. I should have looked at the data before – completely – before saying I was going to do this and that, this and that.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The dean was surprised. She’d heard plenty of excuses from students in her career. But apologies? Not so much.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Eva Lewis: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And she just stared at me. She was like. No one’s ever. No one’s ever done that.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Eva worked out a plan to narrow the focus of her thesis and find some additional data.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Did you graduate?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Eva Lewis:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Yes, I did. With honors.\u003c/span> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">laughter\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Kara, that does sound like a pretty good apology. She acknowledged what she’d done wrong, actually said ‘I’m sorry,’ and made a plan to fix the problem.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The other thing I love about Eva’s story is that her sister suggested she apologize AND gave her tips for how to do it. Most of us don’t get models like that as kids or even as young adults.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Susan McCarthy: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I think there are lots of people who just think of apology as something that, that mean people force you to do. Now they’re a grown up. Nobody can make them apologize and they’re not going to.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> That’s Susan McCarthy. She’s one of the creators of SorryWatch, a website that analyzes apologies in the news, pop culture and history.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Susan McCarthy: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We take them apart and we say, ‘This is good and here’s why. This is bad and here’s why.’ It turns out that there’s a big appetite out there for ‘Why did that apology not leave me feeling good?’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Susan and her SorryWatch partner, Marjorie Ingall, also wrote a book. It’s called \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. In one chapter, Susan and Marjorie write about the things grown-ups get wrong when dealing with children and apologies.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Sometimes when a parent or a teacher just wants kids to stop fighting, they’ll tell everyone involved to say “sorry” without finding out what really happened.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> It takes longer, but when adults make time and space to listen to children who are fighting, the kids can feel heard. That makes it more likely that when they do say “I’m sorry,” they’ll mean it.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Another thing that grown-ups often do is lecture kids after they’ve already apologized.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Susan compared this to a mistake new dog owners make. Imagine you’ve got an energetic puppy running around, and it doesn’t come when you call it. You call its name a few times, and when it finally comes…you yell “bad dog!”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Susan McCarthy: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">You’re not rewarding the dog for coming. You’re punishing it for coming. So the next time the dog goes, ‘ehh, she’s calling me, but she’s just going to get mad at me, so I’ll just stay out of arm’s reach.’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> So when an adult scolds a child after they’ve apologized, it creates a link in the child’s brain between saying “sorry” and that negative reaction.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Marjorie, Susan’s co-author, suggested a better way to respond.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Marjorie Ingall:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When a kid apologizes to you, even though you’re angry for the thing that the kid is apologizing for, you know, I think we have to take a step back and have the first response be, ‘Thank you for apologizing. I know that was difficult. Where do you think we go from here?’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Kara, everything we’ve talked about so far is about how to respond after a problem occurs. What can we do to proactively teach kids about apologies before they need to give one?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Nimah, we don’t usually think about it this way, but learning social-emotional skills is like playing a sport or an instrument. You need to learn some basics and practice in a supportive setting before you can apply it when the stakes are higher.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I met a fifth grade teacher who is creating that kind of learning space for her students. Because it’s hard to teach this sort of lesson in the heat of the moment.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I hear a lot of “I’m sorry.” And then they move on. But the other person’s still sitting there like, “What is happening?”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dr. Rayna Freedman teaches at Jordan Jackson Elementary School in Mansfield, Massachusetts. Since fifth grade is the final year before middle school, it’s her job to prepare students for that. She sees this goal as more than just academic.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I feel that I am teaching kids life skills beyond how to solve a math problem or how to read and decode a text. Those are the things that state standards, right, Common Core, that we have to teach. But I teach humans.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">One of the ways this idea of “teaching humans” comes into play is during morning meetings. That’s when the class does activities that Dr. Freedman designed to help her fifth graders figure out who they want to be in the world.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We do a lot of talking about what a brave space is. We read this poem from Facing History & Ourselves that talks about how there’s no such thing as a safe space, that there’s only brave spaces, and standing up and being honest and reflective in those spaces.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dr. Freedman’s students explore topics like kindness and community. They share their passions and their dreams. And for two weeks in January, they learn how to say “I’m sorry” in a meaningful way.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We really start off with discussing like when you’re told to apologize and then when you want to apologize, which are two different things that are – the kids are taken aback when we start.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dr. Freedman uses a seven step model for apologies. One of her students, Caleb Huffenus, got a lot out of the lessons, so he’ll help share the steps.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We start off with saying what you’re sorry for.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“I’m sorry for…”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Before moving on to\u003c/span> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">step two, which is saying why it was wrong.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It was wrong because…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Then we go on to the third step, which is accepting full responsibility. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I accept full responsibility for what I did/said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And then asking how to make amends is step four, which gets into having a conversation with the person, because you recognize that that other person’s hurt.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">How can I make this better?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The fifth step is committing to not doing it again.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Moving forward, I promise to…\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The sixth step is asking for forgiveness.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Will you accept my apology?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The seventh step is to thank the person they’re talking to about validating the other person for bringing whatever it was to their attention.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Thank you for bringing this to my attention.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The students role-play each step with scenarios, like tripping a classmate at recess or plagiarizing their homework.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Just getting them to talk and have a conversation about it is huge.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Dr. Freedman teaches one step per day. After all the role-playing, the class spends a few days discussing good and bad apologies.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A lot of them had no idea there was more to it than “I’m sorry.” In fact, all of them. And then when we got into what’s not an apology, you hear the snickers because you know that that’s what they’ve been doing.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> The students also write down some of their reflections. Here’s what one of them wrote.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Child actor [Nico Yuen]: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sometimes I feel under pressure because I did something and I don’t want to accept full responsibility. I try to do it, but I don’t have the guts to do it sometimes. But from now on, I’m going to accept responsibility.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And that’s out of the mouth of a fifth grader.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When I talked to Caleb, who gave us the apology steps earlier, he said that before these lessons he’d never done most of the steps. Like number five, promising not to repeat the mistake. Now, he thinks that’s important.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Because if you don’t commit to not doing this again, they might think that you would do that again to them and might not stay friends with you.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Caleb noticed that when classmates used these steps, their apologies felt more sincere. It made a difference when he apologized to others, too.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Caleb Huffenus:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I feel like the person appreciates it much more that I actually care about saying sorry. And not just saying sorry and being over with it.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Caleb’s mom, Samantha Huffenus, noticed a difference in her fifth grader, too.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Samantha Huffenus:\u003c/b> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Caleb has actually gotten much better about apologizing. Just in the very, very recent past. I’ve noticed a really big change. He used to send text messages when he felt like he owed an apology to one of us, usually his dad or I. And the other day he came downstairs and he apologized and he, he accepted it.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Samantha Huffenus: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It really made a huge difference because before it kind of just seemed like he did it because he felt like he should say something, either because he was in trouble and and knew he should apologize or whatever the case may be. But coming down and actually, you know, doing some of those steps that he learned really made a difference to me, receiving the apology and making it seem a lot more genuine.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">So Kara, Caleb was able to do something a lot of adults don’t do – apologize face to face.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">He’s not the only one. In the three years she’s taught these lessons, Dr. Freedman has heard from other parents who noticed their children using these steps with their siblings. She’s also heard from other teachers about her students apologizing to kids at recess. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Nimah Gobir:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Often when kids hurt someone or break a rule, they get caught up in the fear and shame that comes from knowing they did something wrong. They’re thinking “Am I going to get in trouble?” … And, “How can I avoid getting in trouble?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Learning how to apologize gives them a different path forward.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">And so these types of lessons really build empathy in kids because now they’re able to clearly understand that even though I don’t, I might not realize I did something wrong, I still hurt this other human being somehow.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Dr. Freedman has even heard about her students using what they learned to advocate for themselves when they’re being treated unfairly.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I’ve heard it from families before where at the dinner table, the child is teaching them, ‘No, you don’t apologize like that.’ Like ‘That’s too rushed. You’re not listening to me and my feelings.’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Good apologies require empathy, perspective-taking, honesty and courage – all things that schools and parents try to cultivate in children.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Dr. Freedman said that teaching these lessons has made her more intentional about her own apologies. She stopped saying sorry for things just because someone told her to, and she’s conscious of modeling true apologies to her students.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">I’ve had to do some big apologies. Right? Like things even to kids. Like, ‘I did not know that this could have been taken this way. And let’s talk about what that means and how it makes you feel. And, you know, I’m going to accept responsibility and I am not going to use those words anymore.’\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Dr. Freedman created the apologies lessons in 2020, after going through several years of diversity, equity and inclusion training. That work helped her reflect on things she had said or done in the past that were hurtful or offensive, even if she didn’t know it at the time.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Rayna Freedman: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If we could all apologize when we say things like that to people who are different than us, regardless of if it’s religion, political, sex, gender, whatever it is, we’d probably be in a better place. And that’s being in the brave space, right?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse:\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> When grown-ups model humility and give kids tools to put apologies into action, they can help young people be in the brave space at school, at home, and as they grow into the future.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">[\u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Music\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Kara Newhouse: \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Thank you to Rayna Freedman, Caleb and Samantha Huffenus, Susan McCarthy, Marjorie Ingall, and Eva Lewis. Thanks also to Nico Yuen for reading the student reflection. The MindShift team includes Nimah Gobir, Ki Sung, Marlena Jackson-Retondo, and me, Kara Newhouse.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Our editor is Chris Hambrick. Chris Hoff engineered this episode. Jen Chien is KQED’s director of podcasts. Katie Sprenger is Podcast Operations Manager. Audience Engagement Support from Cesar Saldaña. Holly Kernan is KQED’s Chief Content Officer.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">MindShift is supported in part by the generosity of the William & Flora Hewlett Foundation and members of KQED. Thank you for listening!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62290/teaching-kids-the-right-way-to-say-im-sorry","authors":["11487"],"programs":["mindshift_21847"],"categories":["mindshift_21130","mindshift_21848","mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_21767","mindshift_21768","mindshift_21473","mindshift_21772","mindshift_21776","mindshift_21777","mindshift_21771","mindshift_21775","mindshift_943","mindshift_21769","mindshift_21770","mindshift_21774","mindshift_21773"],"featImg":"mindshift_62295","label":"mindshift_21847"},"mindshift_62183":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_62183","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"62183","score":null,"sort":[1692784803000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"why-social-emotional-learning-is-critical-for-teaching-climate-justice","title":"Why Social Emotional Learning Is Critical for Teaching Climate Justice","publishDate":1692784803,"format":"standard","headTitle":"Why Social Emotional Learning Is Critical for Teaching Climate Justice | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Adapted with permission from Roderick, T. (2023). \u003ca href=\"https://hep.gse.harvard.edu/hep-home/books/teach-for-climate-justice\">Teach for Climate Justice: A Vision for Transforming Education\u003c/a>, (pp. 13–20). Harvard Education Press.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the culminating project of their multidisciplinary course on climate justice, seniors at the Washington Heights Expeditionary Learning School in New York City (known as WHEELS) worked in groups of four to choose a climate justice issue and create a seven-minute video. One student, introducing his group’s video, said that the students had disagreed over which issue to focus on. One favored pollution; another, garbage and littering; and a third, drug addiction. “Through good listening and negotiation,” he stated proudly, “we were able to solve our conflict with a win-win-win agreement.” They decided to address all three — a decision that forced them to explore connections among these three major problems in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Their neighborhood in the Washington Heights section of Manhattan is surrounded by highways that pollute the air and lead to high rates of asthma. A large neighborhood park is full of trees, but it’s strewn with garbage, including needles from drug users. As a result, people don’t use the park to enjoy its potential beauty and clean-air benefits. Because the park is underused, it’s unsafe as well. The student-created video called for the school community to join volunteer efforts to clean up the park and to support neighborhood demands that the city improve park maintenance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The students not only produced a call-to-action video for the school\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-62185 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"241\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final.jpg 432w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final-160x240.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\"> and wider community; by sharing the role that listening and negotiation played in their accomplishment, they demonstrated the power of SEL as an essential body of knowledge and skill for climate justice activists.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For 36 years I served as executive director of Morningside Center for Teaching Social Responsibility, which was founded in 1982 by educators concerned about the danger of nuclear war. Throughout my time there, we partnered with schools to develop high-quality, research-backed programs in SEL, restorative practices and racial equity. The skills we taught to serve those goals are as follows:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>create a vision of the community we hope for in our classroom and school\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>understand and manage feelings\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>listen actively\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>be assertive (strong, but not mean)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>solve problems creatively and nonviolently\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>stand up for justice\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>make a difference\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>These skills are essential for young people to learn as they grapple with climate change — and the dislocation, anxiety and conflict it generates. SEL builds our capacity both to weather the emotional challenges created by the crisis and to work together effectively to respond to it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whether we call it SEL, peacemaking, justice-seeking or conflict resolution, this is a body of knowledge, ideas and skills that needs to be learned, practiced and applied in an ongoing process of growth. This is not to imply that students and adults come to SEL as blank slates. From the time we’re born, we’re taking in messages about how to handle feelings, relate to others and deal with conflict. The fields of peacemaking, conflict resolution and SEL seek to assemble and share wisdom and know-how, gleaned over many years from many sources, and share it so that people can use it to build on their strengths and, in some cases, change behaviors and ways of thinking that are not serving themselves or others well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We foster these values, skills and ways of thinking in our students through instruction in a research-validated curriculum. Best practice in SEL instruction for students can be summed up in the acronym RISE (regular, interactive, skills-based and explicit): regular, because it takes practice to learn these skills; interactive, because to learn how to relate well to others, you have to interact with them; skills-based, because skills are as critical for social and emotional competence as they are for learning to read or play basketball; and explicit, because this work is so important that you need to give it focus by naming it and making it a priority.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although the skill areas are consistent across the grades from preK to 12, the sophistication of the skills and the situations they address are tailored to the developmental needs and capabilities of the students. Each skill can support us as we navigate the climate crisis and work for climate justice.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Create a vision of the community we hope for\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In this skill area, students and teacher reflect on what they value in their relationships with other people and share their hopes for their classroom or circle group: How do I want to be treated? How will I treat others? Together, students and teacher make community agreements. Instead of taking their classroom for granted as a place where the teacher alone lays down the rules, they identify what they hope for and begin to make it a reality, with everyone taking responsibility. This is a first step in enabling students and teacher to create a supportive community and envision together the future they would like to see. It’s an exercise in active hope.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Understand and manage feelings\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students learn that we all have feelings, and they expand their feelings vocabularies. They notice that feelings come and go and learn ways to take charge so that their feelings work for them rather than against them. For example, they learn that they can have feelings without acting on them in the heat of the moment. They can share a feeling with a friend or an adult, write about it in a journal, or shift their attention to something they’re grateful for. They can take deep breaths or take a walk around the block to cool down when angry, enabling them to think more clearly about how to deal with the anger trigger. Teachers find these techniques extremely useful as well. Social activists throughout history have channeled their anger into constructive action for justice. As we cope with the climate crisis, and as we educate and fight for climate justice, we will face plenty of occasions for anger and disappointment. We must also cherish and celebrate moments of triumph and connection. Skills in managing this roller coaster of feelings are critical tools that we need as we and our students offer our gifts of active hope and sustain them for the long haul.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Listen actively\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>To listen actively is to listen in a way that encourages the other person to talk. Students and teachers learn the importance of body language to send the message that they care about the speaker and are interested in what they have to say. They practice skills in paraphrasing to check their understanding of what the speaker is trying to communicate, in acknowledging and reflecting feelings the speaker is expressing, and in gentle questioning to show interest without prying. They get plenty of practice in their SEL classes as they listen to each other in pair-shares and go-rounds. Good listening is the foundation for building friendships and work relationships, for racial and cultural understanding, and for good leadership. Good listening is especially critical for climate justice because it is key in building the trusting relationships we need in challenging times. For adults, good listening is essential in building supportive relationships with students and in being fully present when students share feelings and concerns.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Be assertive\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students and teachers learn that when they find themselves in a situation that is unfair, annoying, or not meeting their needs, they have several options: they can give in; they can be aggressive (mean); or they can be assertive, which is being strong while acting with respect for the other person. Of course, at times, it’s smartest to give in, and at other times, you may have to be aggressive. The aim is to expand students’ and adults’ assertive options. For instance, students or adults can work in pairs to practice natural assertive messages (saying clearly and firmly what they want). They can practice creating and using “I-feel messages” in conflicts with friends or family members—rather than using “you messages” that judge and blame the other person. This skill enhances one’s comfort and effectiveness in standing up to unfair treatment of oneself and others.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Solve problems creatively and nonviolently \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Problem-solving skills can be used to address classroom problems and problems among friends. In Morningside Center’s curricula, students explore the concept of conflict, learning that conflict is part of life. Conflict can lead to violence, but it doesn’t have to, especially if people are skilled in conflict resolution. Students learn about conflict escalation—how to avoid it and how to jump off the escalator if they find themselves on it. They learn to see conflict not as a crisis or a failure but as a problem to be solved. They learn and practice skills in negotiation and mediation. Like the WHEELS students working on their climate justice video, they learn that conflicts can sometimes be solved so that everybody wins. They also learn and practice the ABCDE problem-solving method: Ask, what is the problem? Brainstorm solutions. Choose one. Do it. Evaluate how it works.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Stand up for justice\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students share their cultural backgrounds: What has been great about being who they are? What has been challenging? They learn to identify prejudice, stereotypes, discrimination (defined as action based on prejudice) and oppression (systemic mistreatment of people based on their group identity). They learn the terms for the forms that discrimination and oppression take, including racism, sexism, classism, anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, anti-LGBTQ oppression and adultism. Through role-plays, skits and activities, students and teachers learn and practice assertive strategies to stand up for fair treatment of all people—within their school and in the wide world. The relevance for climate justice is clear. When students reflect on their racial, gender and cultural identities and listen to their classmates share theirs, those concepts are no longer abstract, but rather become concrete and personal. The imperative to identify mistreatment and stand up to it lays the groundwork for understanding how oppression has played out on the global stage in the history, economics and politics of fossil-fuel extraction and burning. These school-based activities across the grades foster the values of understanding, respect and fairness on a personal level and establish an age-appropriate foundation for understanding oppression on societal and global levels in the higher grades.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Supporting teachers to teach these skills lays a foundation for culturally responsive teaching and other antiracist policies and practices and is a critical step in building the “beloved community.” In the training, educators share their cultural backgrounds, acknowledge and explore the realities of discrimination and oppression in our society, and learn strategies to prevent discrimination and oppression from occurring in their classrooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Make a difference\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students and teachers learn stories of courageous people who are fighting for justice and the environment or who did so in the past. Students identify the strengths of these people, the challenges they faced or are facing and what they have achieved.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We invite students and teachers to remember times when they made a difference for others in ways large or small. They identify the qualities they have that enabled them to make a difference. They reflect on other positive qualities they would like to develop and get support for developing those qualities. They envision something they hope for their family, their classroom, their school, their neighborhood, or the world, and they identify a concrete step they can take to make that hope a reality.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They also take part in a classroom exercise or project that requires them to cooperate with others to achieve a goal. Reflecting on the experience afterward, they identify skills and behavior that helped or hindered their efforts to work with others to get things done. The climate justice films that WHEELS seniors created are examples of such a project. The students readily acknowledged that to make their films, they had to exercise skills in cooperation, including all of the social and emotional skills discussed thus far.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-62217\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"150\" height=\"155\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick.jpg 1800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-800x826.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-1020x1053.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-160x165.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-768x793.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-1488x1536.jpg 1488w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\">Tom Roderick is an educator, activist and writer based in New York City. He came to education through the civil rights movement in the 1960s and taught in Harlem and East Harlem for ten years, including seven years as teacher-director of a storefront school led by parents. For 36 years he served as founding executive director of Morningside Center for Teaching Social Responsibility, started in 1982 by educators concerned about the danger of nuclear war. Over the years he led Morningside Center to become a national leader in partnering with schools to implement high-quality, research-based programs in social and emotional learning, restorative practices and racial equity. In May 2018, the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) awarded Roderick its Mary Utne O’Brien Award for Excellence in Expanding Evidence-Based Practice of Social and Emotional Learning.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"In \"Teach for Climate Justice,\" Tom Roderick outlines the social and emotional skills that can empower students and school staff to understand the climate crisis and take climate action.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1714587248,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":22,"wordCount":2182},"headData":{"title":"Why Social Emotional Learning Is Critical for Teaching Climate Justice | KQED","description":"Social emotional skills can help young people cope with climate anxiety and empower them to take action.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"Social emotional skills can help young people cope with climate anxiety and empower them to take action.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Why Social Emotional Learning Is Critical for Teaching Climate Justice","datePublished":"2023-08-23T10:00:03.000Z","dateModified":"2024-05-01T18:14:08.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"nprStoryId":"kqed-62183","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62183/why-social-emotional-learning-is-critical-for-teaching-climate-justice","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Adapted with permission from Roderick, T. (2023). \u003ca href=\"https://hep.gse.harvard.edu/hep-home/books/teach-for-climate-justice\">Teach for Climate Justice: A Vision for Transforming Education\u003c/a>, (pp. 13–20). Harvard Education Press.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the culminating project of their multidisciplinary course on climate justice, seniors at the Washington Heights Expeditionary Learning School in New York City (known as WHEELS) worked in groups of four to choose a climate justice issue and create a seven-minute video. One student, introducing his group’s video, said that the students had disagreed over which issue to focus on. One favored pollution; another, garbage and littering; and a third, drug addiction. “Through good listening and negotiation,” he stated proudly, “we were able to solve our conflict with a win-win-win agreement.” They decided to address all three — a decision that forced them to explore connections among these three major problems in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Their neighborhood in the Washington Heights section of Manhattan is surrounded by highways that pollute the air and lead to high rates of asthma. A large neighborhood park is full of trees, but it’s strewn with garbage, including needles from drug users. As a result, people don’t use the park to enjoy its potential beauty and clean-air benefits. Because the park is underused, it’s unsafe as well. The student-created video called for the school community to join volunteer efforts to clean up the park and to support neighborhood demands that the city improve park maintenance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The students not only produced a call-to-action video for the school\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-62185 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"241\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final.jpg 432w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final-160x240.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\"> and wider community; by sharing the role that listening and negotiation played in their accomplishment, they demonstrated the power of SEL as an essential body of knowledge and skill for climate justice activists.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For 36 years I served as executive director of Morningside Center for Teaching Social Responsibility, which was founded in 1982 by educators concerned about the danger of nuclear war. Throughout my time there, we partnered with schools to develop high-quality, research-backed programs in SEL, restorative practices and racial equity. The skills we taught to serve those goals are as follows:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>create a vision of the community we hope for in our classroom and school\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>understand and manage feelings\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>listen actively\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>be assertive (strong, but not mean)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>solve problems creatively and nonviolently\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>stand up for justice\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>make a difference\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>These skills are essential for young people to learn as they grapple with climate change — and the dislocation, anxiety and conflict it generates. SEL builds our capacity both to weather the emotional challenges created by the crisis and to work together effectively to respond to it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whether we call it SEL, peacemaking, justice-seeking or conflict resolution, this is a body of knowledge, ideas and skills that needs to be learned, practiced and applied in an ongoing process of growth. This is not to imply that students and adults come to SEL as blank slates. From the time we’re born, we’re taking in messages about how to handle feelings, relate to others and deal with conflict. The fields of peacemaking, conflict resolution and SEL seek to assemble and share wisdom and know-how, gleaned over many years from many sources, and share it so that people can use it to build on their strengths and, in some cases, change behaviors and ways of thinking that are not serving themselves or others well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We foster these values, skills and ways of thinking in our students through instruction in a research-validated curriculum. Best practice in SEL instruction for students can be summed up in the acronym RISE (regular, interactive, skills-based and explicit): regular, because it takes practice to learn these skills; interactive, because to learn how to relate well to others, you have to interact with them; skills-based, because skills are as critical for social and emotional competence as they are for learning to read or play basketball; and explicit, because this work is so important that you need to give it focus by naming it and making it a priority.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although the skill areas are consistent across the grades from preK to 12, the sophistication of the skills and the situations they address are tailored to the developmental needs and capabilities of the students. Each skill can support us as we navigate the climate crisis and work for climate justice.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Create a vision of the community we hope for\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In this skill area, students and teacher reflect on what they value in their relationships with other people and share their hopes for their classroom or circle group: How do I want to be treated? How will I treat others? Together, students and teacher make community agreements. Instead of taking their classroom for granted as a place where the teacher alone lays down the rules, they identify what they hope for and begin to make it a reality, with everyone taking responsibility. This is a first step in enabling students and teacher to create a supportive community and envision together the future they would like to see. It’s an exercise in active hope.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Understand and manage feelings\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students learn that we all have feelings, and they expand their feelings vocabularies. They notice that feelings come and go and learn ways to take charge so that their feelings work for them rather than against them. For example, they learn that they can have feelings without acting on them in the heat of the moment. They can share a feeling with a friend or an adult, write about it in a journal, or shift their attention to something they’re grateful for. They can take deep breaths or take a walk around the block to cool down when angry, enabling them to think more clearly about how to deal with the anger trigger. Teachers find these techniques extremely useful as well. Social activists throughout history have channeled their anger into constructive action for justice. As we cope with the climate crisis, and as we educate and fight for climate justice, we will face plenty of occasions for anger and disappointment. We must also cherish and celebrate moments of triumph and connection. Skills in managing this roller coaster of feelings are critical tools that we need as we and our students offer our gifts of active hope and sustain them for the long haul.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Listen actively\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>To listen actively is to listen in a way that encourages the other person to talk. Students and teachers learn the importance of body language to send the message that they care about the speaker and are interested in what they have to say. They practice skills in paraphrasing to check their understanding of what the speaker is trying to communicate, in acknowledging and reflecting feelings the speaker is expressing, and in gentle questioning to show interest without prying. They get plenty of practice in their SEL classes as they listen to each other in pair-shares and go-rounds. Good listening is the foundation for building friendships and work relationships, for racial and cultural understanding, and for good leadership. Good listening is especially critical for climate justice because it is key in building the trusting relationships we need in challenging times. For adults, good listening is essential in building supportive relationships with students and in being fully present when students share feelings and concerns.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Be assertive\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students and teachers learn that when they find themselves in a situation that is unfair, annoying, or not meeting their needs, they have several options: they can give in; they can be aggressive (mean); or they can be assertive, which is being strong while acting with respect for the other person. Of course, at times, it’s smartest to give in, and at other times, you may have to be aggressive. The aim is to expand students’ and adults’ assertive options. For instance, students or adults can work in pairs to practice natural assertive messages (saying clearly and firmly what they want). They can practice creating and using “I-feel messages” in conflicts with friends or family members—rather than using “you messages” that judge and blame the other person. This skill enhances one’s comfort and effectiveness in standing up to unfair treatment of oneself and others.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Solve problems creatively and nonviolently \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Problem-solving skills can be used to address classroom problems and problems among friends. In Morningside Center’s curricula, students explore the concept of conflict, learning that conflict is part of life. Conflict can lead to violence, but it doesn’t have to, especially if people are skilled in conflict resolution. Students learn about conflict escalation—how to avoid it and how to jump off the escalator if they find themselves on it. They learn to see conflict not as a crisis or a failure but as a problem to be solved. They learn and practice skills in negotiation and mediation. Like the WHEELS students working on their climate justice video, they learn that conflicts can sometimes be solved so that everybody wins. They also learn and practice the ABCDE problem-solving method: Ask, what is the problem? Brainstorm solutions. Choose one. Do it. Evaluate how it works.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Stand up for justice\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students share their cultural backgrounds: What has been great about being who they are? What has been challenging? They learn to identify prejudice, stereotypes, discrimination (defined as action based on prejudice) and oppression (systemic mistreatment of people based on their group identity). They learn the terms for the forms that discrimination and oppression take, including racism, sexism, classism, anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, anti-LGBTQ oppression and adultism. Through role-plays, skits and activities, students and teachers learn and practice assertive strategies to stand up for fair treatment of all people—within their school and in the wide world. The relevance for climate justice is clear. When students reflect on their racial, gender and cultural identities and listen to their classmates share theirs, those concepts are no longer abstract, but rather become concrete and personal. The imperative to identify mistreatment and stand up to it lays the groundwork for understanding how oppression has played out on the global stage in the history, economics and politics of fossil-fuel extraction and burning. These school-based activities across the grades foster the values of understanding, respect and fairness on a personal level and establish an age-appropriate foundation for understanding oppression on societal and global levels in the higher grades.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Supporting teachers to teach these skills lays a foundation for culturally responsive teaching and other antiracist policies and practices and is a critical step in building the “beloved community.” In the training, educators share their cultural backgrounds, acknowledge and explore the realities of discrimination and oppression in our society, and learn strategies to prevent discrimination and oppression from occurring in their classrooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Make a difference\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students and teachers learn stories of courageous people who are fighting for justice and the environment or who did so in the past. Students identify the strengths of these people, the challenges they faced or are facing and what they have achieved.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We invite students and teachers to remember times when they made a difference for others in ways large or small. They identify the qualities they have that enabled them to make a difference. They reflect on other positive qualities they would like to develop and get support for developing those qualities. They envision something they hope for their family, their classroom, their school, their neighborhood, or the world, and they identify a concrete step they can take to make that hope a reality.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They also take part in a classroom exercise or project that requires them to cooperate with others to achieve a goal. Reflecting on the experience afterward, they identify skills and behavior that helped or hindered their efforts to work with others to get things done. The climate justice films that WHEELS seniors created are examples of such a project. The students readily acknowledged that to make their films, they had to exercise skills in cooperation, including all of the social and emotional skills discussed thus far.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-62217\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"150\" height=\"155\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick.jpg 1800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-800x826.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-1020x1053.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-160x165.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-768x793.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-1488x1536.jpg 1488w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\">Tom Roderick is an educator, activist and writer based in New York City. He came to education through the civil rights movement in the 1960s and taught in Harlem and East Harlem for ten years, including seven years as teacher-director of a storefront school led by parents. For 36 years he served as founding executive director of Morningside Center for Teaching Social Responsibility, started in 1982 by educators concerned about the danger of nuclear war. Over the years he led Morningside Center to become a national leader in partnering with schools to implement high-quality, research-based programs in social and emotional learning, restorative practices and racial equity. In May 2018, the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) awarded Roderick its Mary Utne O’Brien Award for Excellence in Expanding Evidence-Based Practice of Social and Emotional Learning.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62183/why-social-emotional-learning-is-critical-for-teaching-climate-justice","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_21491","mindshift_21508","mindshift_21280","mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_21178","mindshift_20533","mindshift_21124","mindshift_21592","mindshift_21463","mindshift_21157","mindshift_20821","mindshift_20703","mindshift_944","mindshift_943","mindshift_21395"],"featImg":"mindshift_62186","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_62194":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_62194","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"62194","score":null,"sort":[1692007219000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"is-social-emotional-learning-effective-new-meta-analysis-adds-to-evidence-but-debate-persists","title":"Is Social-Emotional Learning Effective? New Meta-Analysis Adds to Evidence, But Debate Persists","publishDate":1692007219,"format":"standard","headTitle":"Is Social-Emotional Learning Effective? New Meta-Analysis Adds to Evidence, But Debate Persists | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Social-emotional learning – aimed at fostering a wide assortment of soft skills from empathy and listening to anger management and goal-setting – has been one of the hottest trends in education over the past decade, and more recently, a new flashpoint in the culture wars. Moms for Liberty, a conservative group, advises parents to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.momsforliberty.org/media/files/files/b0d67d1f/sel-packet-120622-0845-2-.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">oppose it,\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> while advocates on the left say it should include such topics as social justice and anti-racism training. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Alongside the politics, there’s a genuine debate over whether these programs – often abbreviated as SEL and sold to thousands of schools around the country – actually help students. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For years, advocates have claimed that research evidence supports social-emotional learning, citing hundreds of studies that find SEL instruction improves both academic achievement and student well-being. One of the most influential papers is a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01564.x\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">2011 meta-analysis\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> that reviewed more than 200 studies on SEL programs in schools and concluded that academic performance jumped 11 percentile points. That study has been cited more than 11,000 times, according to Google Scholar. But that research is old, including studies conducted only through 2007. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">An \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/cdev.13968\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">updated meta-analysis was published in July 2023\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> in the peer-reviewed journal Child Development. It was conducted by 14 researchers, the majority from Yale University, and it also found good results for SEL interventions in schools while simultaneously broadening the category of “social and emotional learning” to encompass even more non-academic skills. However, this latest research synthesis doesn’t really settle the debate over whether the evidence for SEL is strong or guide schools to which SEL interventions are most effective. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The new meta-analysis reviewed a fresher batch of 424 studies conducted between 2008 and 2020 across more than 50 countries and involving more than 500,000 students in kindergarten through grade 12. The studies took place in schools, as opposed to research laboratories, and compared what happened to students who received the lessons to those who didn’t. All the SEL programs in the paper lasted for at least six sessions or four months. Single workshops were excluded. Sometimes students learned about social and emotional skills during a once-a-week advisory session for a year. The lessons ranged from five minutes to two hours.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There was also a huge variety in the kinds of soft skills taught during these lessons. Some programs focused narrowly on discrete skills such as mindfulness or emotional intelligence. Others touched upon the full gamut of social-emotional skills, from interpersonal relations to self improvement. Also included were programs that addressed ethical and civic values. Sex education programs or interventions that primarily addressed drug use or obesity were excluded. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">All of these SEL variations were stirred together into a big stew, and the researchers calculated that, on average, students who received them were generally better off than students who didn’t get the training as measured by improved social skills, attitudes, behaviors, relationships and academic achievement. It was almost an unending laundry list of positives, including a decrease in bullying, stress, suicides and depression. The largest improvement was in school climate; students who had participated in SEL programs felt that their schools were much safer and students were more respected. For some studies, there was longer term follow-up data and even six months after a program ended, students were still benefiting from their SEL lessons.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Only three out of 12 outcome categories did not show improvements from SEL programs, including disciplinary incidents, physical health and family relationships. The failure to see a reduction in suspensions was surprising and confusing given that the researchers found improvements in student behavior. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A concern with this meta-analysis, like much of the research in the field, is that it was conducted by SEL proponents. The lead author of the meta-analysis, Christina Cipriano, a psychologist at the Yale Child Study Center, is a prominent researcher in the field of social-emotional learning. She is the director of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://medicine.yale.edu/childstudy/research/collaborative-labs/education-collaboratory/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Education Collaboratory\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> at Yale, whose mission is to “advance the science and practice of social and emotional learning (SEL).”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In an interview, Cipriano said she made every effort to collect all studies on SEL, including negative ones that hadn’t been published in journals, and that all of the data is \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://osf.io/6pqx2/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">publicly available\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> for other researchers to scrutinize.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Max Eden, a research fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative think tank, testified before Congress that research claims about SEL have been “oversold.” He says many of the studies included in large meta-analyses like these are of low quality that would not meet the threshold for rigorous evidence by outside organizations, such as RAND or the Department of Education’s What Works Clearinghouse. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s quite likely that many of the studies included in this 2023 meta-analysis might be thrown out by outside researchers, and it’s unclear whether the overall results would still be so positive. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Another problem for the field is that it’s very hard to measure a child’s emotions or friendship skills and sometimes researchers create their own surveys to capture how much a student’s well-being has improved. And when researchers make their own yardsticks, studies may be more likely to find that an intervention was successful.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“It’s quite obvious that when you teach kids that they are supposed to respond in certain ways to certain phrases, that they’ll be more likely to respond in those certain ways than students who haven’t been trained that way,” said Eden, in an interview conducted via email. “Whether any of this actually captures anything of a child’s internal/emotional state may be doubted.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">On the other hand, more objective outcomes like grades and test scores also improved, according to the meta-analysis. And even though school climate surveys are somewhat subjective, researchers have found them to be reliable.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Amid the confusion over how we should measure the effectiveness of SEL programs is a political backstory, which explains why there is so much more criticism and scrutiny of the research.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Social-emotional learning enjoyed widespread bipartisan support more than a decade ago. Explicitly teaching non-cognitive skills to children, especially in low-income communities, appealed to many educators and policymakers. Some of these skills, like learning to share and take turns, had long been part of what teachers have always taught in preschool and kindergarten. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Much of the drive to teach older children soft skills began in urban charter schools, which were finding success with what is often called character building, teaching kids how to be responsible and resilient. Journalist Paul Tough popularized the ideas for social-emotional learning in his 2012 best seller, \u003cem>How Children Succeed\u003c/em>, and the programs spread nationally. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A backlash followed. Critics on the left questioned why white psychologists were trying to “fix” Black and brown children with these lessons instead of overhauling racist systems that prevented all children from succeeding. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Many in the SEL field took the criticisms to heart. And as the Black Lives Matter movement gathered steam, SEL programs expanded into social justice and anti-racism training, encouraging students to create a better world. According to the 2023 meta-analysis, about half the SEL programs focused on “values,” 30% on “perspectives,” and 34% on “identity.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Critics also began to question whether some SEL programs force teachers, who aren’t generally trained in counseling, to be therapists. (Nonetheless, one of the interesting conclusions of the 2023 meta-analysis was that teachers were the most effective instructors of SEL lessons. When these lessons were led by school counselors or outsiders, they didn’t work as well.)\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s easy to see how both sides have hijacked what was once a simpler idea of teaching kids to share and respect each other. Conservative groups like Moms for Liberty may exaggerate the content of typical SEL programs, while advocates on the left seek to expand SEL into political action. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Meanwhile, a big SEL industry is selling programs to schools. In their sales pitches, they’re quick to cite research, and I expect this 2023 meta-analysis will be used to back this claim. But all research isn’t equal and many vendors haven’t put their SEL programs to a rigorous scientific test. There’s certainly a lot of snake oil out there. Schools need more help figuring out which programs are worthwhile. In the meantime, buyer beware.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This story about \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/proof-points-a-research-update-on-social-emotional-learning-in-schools/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">social emotional learning research\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> was written by Jill Barshay and produced by \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/special-reports/higher-education/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Hechinger Report\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a nonprofit, independent news organization focused on inequality and innovation in education. Sign up for \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/proofpoints/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Proof Points\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and other \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/newsletters/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Hechinger newsletters\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"A new meta-analysis on social-emotional learning found plenty of benefits, but critics say much of this research is conducted by SEL proponents.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1714587335,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":26,"wordCount":1506},"headData":{"title":"Is Social-Emotional Learning Effective? New Meta-Analysis Adds to Evidence, But Debate Persists | KQED","description":"A new meta-analysis on social-emotional learning found plenty of benefits, but critics say much of this research is conducted by SEL proponents.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"A new meta-analysis on social-emotional learning found plenty of benefits, but critics say much of this research is conducted by SEL proponents.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Is Social-Emotional Learning Effective? New Meta-Analysis Adds to Evidence, But Debate Persists","datePublished":"2023-08-14T10:00:19.000Z","dateModified":"2024-05-01T18:15:35.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"nprByline":"Jill Barshay, \u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/\" target=\"_blank\">The Hechinger Report\u003c/a>","nprStoryId":"kqed-62194","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62194/is-social-emotional-learning-effective-new-meta-analysis-adds-to-evidence-but-debate-persists","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Social-emotional learning – aimed at fostering a wide assortment of soft skills from empathy and listening to anger management and goal-setting – has been one of the hottest trends in education over the past decade, and more recently, a new flashpoint in the culture wars. Moms for Liberty, a conservative group, advises parents to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.momsforliberty.org/media/files/files/b0d67d1f/sel-packet-120622-0845-2-.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">oppose it,\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> while advocates on the left say it should include such topics as social justice and anti-racism training. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Alongside the politics, there’s a genuine debate over whether these programs – often abbreviated as SEL and sold to thousands of schools around the country – actually help students. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For years, advocates have claimed that research evidence supports social-emotional learning, citing hundreds of studies that find SEL instruction improves both academic achievement and student well-being. One of the most influential papers is a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01564.x\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">2011 meta-analysis\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> that reviewed more than 200 studies on SEL programs in schools and concluded that academic performance jumped 11 percentile points. That study has been cited more than 11,000 times, according to Google Scholar. But that research is old, including studies conducted only through 2007. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">An \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/cdev.13968\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">updated meta-analysis was published in July 2023\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> in the peer-reviewed journal Child Development. It was conducted by 14 researchers, the majority from Yale University, and it also found good results for SEL interventions in schools while simultaneously broadening the category of “social and emotional learning” to encompass even more non-academic skills. However, this latest research synthesis doesn’t really settle the debate over whether the evidence for SEL is strong or guide schools to which SEL interventions are most effective. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The new meta-analysis reviewed a fresher batch of 424 studies conducted between 2008 and 2020 across more than 50 countries and involving more than 500,000 students in kindergarten through grade 12. The studies took place in schools, as opposed to research laboratories, and compared what happened to students who received the lessons to those who didn’t. All the SEL programs in the paper lasted for at least six sessions or four months. Single workshops were excluded. Sometimes students learned about social and emotional skills during a once-a-week advisory session for a year. The lessons ranged from five minutes to two hours.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There was also a huge variety in the kinds of soft skills taught during these lessons. Some programs focused narrowly on discrete skills such as mindfulness or emotional intelligence. Others touched upon the full gamut of social-emotional skills, from interpersonal relations to self improvement. Also included were programs that addressed ethical and civic values. Sex education programs or interventions that primarily addressed drug use or obesity were excluded. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">All of these SEL variations were stirred together into a big stew, and the researchers calculated that, on average, students who received them were generally better off than students who didn’t get the training as measured by improved social skills, attitudes, behaviors, relationships and academic achievement. It was almost an unending laundry list of positives, including a decrease in bullying, stress, suicides and depression. The largest improvement was in school climate; students who had participated in SEL programs felt that their schools were much safer and students were more respected. For some studies, there was longer term follow-up data and even six months after a program ended, students were still benefiting from their SEL lessons.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Only three out of 12 outcome categories did not show improvements from SEL programs, including disciplinary incidents, physical health and family relationships. The failure to see a reduction in suspensions was surprising and confusing given that the researchers found improvements in student behavior. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A concern with this meta-analysis, like much of the research in the field, is that it was conducted by SEL proponents. The lead author of the meta-analysis, Christina Cipriano, a psychologist at the Yale Child Study Center, is a prominent researcher in the field of social-emotional learning. She is the director of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://medicine.yale.edu/childstudy/research/collaborative-labs/education-collaboratory/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Education Collaboratory\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> at Yale, whose mission is to “advance the science and practice of social and emotional learning (SEL).”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In an interview, Cipriano said she made every effort to collect all studies on SEL, including negative ones that hadn’t been published in journals, and that all of the data is \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://osf.io/6pqx2/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">publicly available\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> for other researchers to scrutinize.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Max Eden, a research fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative think tank, testified before Congress that research claims about SEL have been “oversold.” He says many of the studies included in large meta-analyses like these are of low quality that would not meet the threshold for rigorous evidence by outside organizations, such as RAND or the Department of Education’s What Works Clearinghouse. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s quite likely that many of the studies included in this 2023 meta-analysis might be thrown out by outside researchers, and it’s unclear whether the overall results would still be so positive. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Another problem for the field is that it’s very hard to measure a child’s emotions or friendship skills and sometimes researchers create their own surveys to capture how much a student’s well-being has improved. And when researchers make their own yardsticks, studies may be more likely to find that an intervention was successful.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“It’s quite obvious that when you teach kids that they are supposed to respond in certain ways to certain phrases, that they’ll be more likely to respond in those certain ways than students who haven’t been trained that way,” said Eden, in an interview conducted via email. “Whether any of this actually captures anything of a child’s internal/emotional state may be doubted.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">On the other hand, more objective outcomes like grades and test scores also improved, according to the meta-analysis. And even though school climate surveys are somewhat subjective, researchers have found them to be reliable.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Amid the confusion over how we should measure the effectiveness of SEL programs is a political backstory, which explains why there is so much more criticism and scrutiny of the research.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Social-emotional learning enjoyed widespread bipartisan support more than a decade ago. Explicitly teaching non-cognitive skills to children, especially in low-income communities, appealed to many educators and policymakers. Some of these skills, like learning to share and take turns, had long been part of what teachers have always taught in preschool and kindergarten. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Much of the drive to teach older children soft skills began in urban charter schools, which were finding success with what is often called character building, teaching kids how to be responsible and resilient. Journalist Paul Tough popularized the ideas for social-emotional learning in his 2012 best seller, \u003cem>How Children Succeed\u003c/em>, and the programs spread nationally. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A backlash followed. Critics on the left questioned why white psychologists were trying to “fix” Black and brown children with these lessons instead of overhauling racist systems that prevented all children from succeeding. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Many in the SEL field took the criticisms to heart. And as the Black Lives Matter movement gathered steam, SEL programs expanded into social justice and anti-racism training, encouraging students to create a better world. According to the 2023 meta-analysis, about half the SEL programs focused on “values,” 30% on “perspectives,” and 34% on “identity.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Critics also began to question whether some SEL programs force teachers, who aren’t generally trained in counseling, to be therapists. (Nonetheless, one of the interesting conclusions of the 2023 meta-analysis was that teachers were the most effective instructors of SEL lessons. When these lessons were led by school counselors or outsiders, they didn’t work as well.)\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s easy to see how both sides have hijacked what was once a simpler idea of teaching kids to share and respect each other. Conservative groups like Moms for Liberty may exaggerate the content of typical SEL programs, while advocates on the left seek to expand SEL into political action. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Meanwhile, a big SEL industry is selling programs to schools. In their sales pitches, they’re quick to cite research, and I expect this 2023 meta-analysis will be used to back this claim. But all research isn’t equal and many vendors haven’t put their SEL programs to a rigorous scientific test. There’s certainly a lot of snake oil out there. Schools need more help figuring out which programs are worthwhile. In the meantime, buyer beware.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This story about \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/proof-points-a-research-update-on-social-emotional-learning-in-schools/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">social emotional learning research\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> was written by Jill Barshay and produced by \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/special-reports/higher-education/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Hechinger Report\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a nonprofit, independent news organization focused on inequality and innovation in education. Sign up for \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/proofpoints/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Proof Points\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and other \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://hechingerreport.org/newsletters/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Hechinger newsletters\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62194/is-social-emotional-learning-effective-new-meta-analysis-adds-to-evidence-but-debate-persists","authors":["byline_mindshift_62194"],"categories":["mindshift_21512","mindshift_194","mindshift_21504"],"tags":["mindshift_21754","mindshift_21753","mindshift_21755","mindshift_910","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_62195","label":"mindshift"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.","airtime":"SUN 2pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Possible-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.possible.fm/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Possible"},"link":"/radio/program/possible","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/possible/id1677184070","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/730YpdUSNlMyPQwNnyjp4k"}},"1a":{"id":"1a","title":"1A","info":"1A is home to the national conversation. 1A brings on great guests and frames the best debate in ways that make you think, share and engage.","airtime":"MON-THU 11pm-12am","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/1a.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://the1a.org/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/1a","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=1188724250&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/1A-p947376/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510316/podcast.xml"}},"all-things-considered":{"id":"all-things-considered","title":"All Things Considered","info":"Every weekday, \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em> hosts Robert Siegel, Audie Cornish, Ari Shapiro, and Kelly McEvers present the program's trademark mix of news, interviews, commentaries, reviews, and offbeat features. Michel Martin hosts on the weekends.","airtime":"MON-FRI 1pm-2pm, 4:30pm-6:30pm\u003cbr />SAT-SUN 5pm-6pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/All-Things-Considered-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.npr.org/programs/all-things-considered/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/all-things-considered"},"american-suburb-podcast":{"id":"american-suburb-podcast","title":"American Suburb: The Podcast","tagline":"The flip side of gentrification, told through one town","info":"Gentrification is changing cities across America, forcing people from neighborhoods they have long called home. Call them the displaced. Now those priced out of the Bay Area are looking for a better life in an unlikely place. American Suburb follows this migration to one California town along the Delta, 45 miles from San Francisco. 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You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn","officialWebsiteLink":"/mindshift/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"2"},"link":"/podcasts/mindshift","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindshift-podcast/id1078765985","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/464615685/mind-shift-podcast","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx"}},"morning-edition":{"id":"morning-edition","title":"Morning Edition","info":"\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. 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On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/On-Our-Watch-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"On Our Watch from NPR and KQED","officialWebsiteLink":"/podcasts/onourwatch","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"1"},"link":"/podcasts/onourwatch","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1567098962","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5ucHIub3JnLzUxMDM2MC9wb2RjYXN0LnhtbD9zYz1nb29nbGVwb2RjYXN0cw","npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/onourwatch","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0OLWoyizopu6tY1XiuX70x","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/On-Our-Watch-p1436229/","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/show/on-our-watch","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510360/podcast.xml"}},"on-the-media":{"id":"on-the-media","title":"On The Media","info":"Our weekly podcast explores how the media 'sausage' is made, casts an incisive eye on fluctuations in the marketplace of ideas, and examines threats to the freedom of information and expression in America and abroad. 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