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Why Social Emotional Learning Is Critical for Teaching Climate Justice
School shapes teens' identities and relationships. What role do teachers play?
What parents need to know about their teens’ mental health
How to help kids and teens process bittersweet feelings
Why kindness and emotional literacy matter in raising kids
Cultivating Joy Takes Work: 3 Ways to Turn Happiness Into a Habit
How Nonviolent Communication Can Help Adults Better Understand Students’ Needs
How Learning Emotional Skills Can Help Boys Become Men
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'Little Safe Place' Boxes Give Them Tools.","publishDate":1713261628,"format":"standard","headTitle":"Young Children Need Help Identifying Emotions. ‘Little Safe Place’ Boxes Give Them Tools. | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When Jenny Kist’s students walk through the classroom door every morning, they take out their “little safe place” boxes. Made to be a portable version of a calming physical space in Kist’s early childhood education classroom, these small plastic pencil boxes hold everything Kist’s students need throughout the day to practice \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62194/is-social-emotional-learning-effective-new-meta-analysis-adds-to-evidence-but-debate-persists\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">self-regulation and emotional identification\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Developed when Kist’s classroom went virtual after the onset of covid, “little safe place” boxes are now a mainstay for Kist’s three to five year-old students. Each student is provided with their own box and practices self-regulating breathing techniques, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58790/why-kindness-and-emotional-literacy-matters-in-raising-kids\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">providing compassion and empathy towards others\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and labeling and expressing their emotions throughout the school day.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist, an early childhood educator with 27 years of experience, works at a school that follows the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://consciousdiscipline.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Conscious Discipline\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> framework, which is rooted in social-emotional learning and trauma-informed practices, and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://teachingstrategies.com/product/the-creative-curriculum-for-preschool/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Creative Curriculum\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a project-based early learning framework. Her school also encourages building a “school family” in order to foster safety and connection among the students, faculty and staff. For Kist, a big part of providing safety and connection in her classroom comes from \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61233/why-cultivating-emotional-intelligence-among-toddlers-has-become-more-urgent\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">helping young learners identify and process their emotions\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and “little safe place” boxes are a tool for that.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“Being aware of your emotions is the first step in learning how to regulate them,” said \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cara Goodwin\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a child psychologist and author of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/tag/parenting-translator\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Parenting Translator newsletter\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Identifying and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62501/want-your-kids-to-be-happier-and-healthier-start-talking-with-them-about-uncomfortable-emotions\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">expressing emotions\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are “essential for the development of empathy and for maintaining healthy social relationships,” Goodwin continued.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>“Little safe place” boxes\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist starts the school year by introducing her young students to the four basic emotions: happy, sad, angry and scared. She spends a week on each one, starting with happiness, and uses books, songs, and other classroom visuals as learning aids. Kist continues like this until students are well acquainted with the concepts inside of the “little safe place” boxes. Then she distributes a box to each child.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63571\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63571\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-800x1067.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1020x1360.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-160x213.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-768x1024.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Jenny Kist created a “My Little Safe Place” box for every student in her early childhood classroom. It contains tools for emotional identification and regulation. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Jenny Kist)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After that, each morning Kist guides students through using the different tools in their boxes. They take out a card that has faces for the four basic feelings and mark which feeling they identify with that morning. Then, the children take out their breathing strategy card, which has four different icons that indicate different breathing strategies that they have learned. The boxes also have a card in them that remind the students of what Kist calls “I love you” rituals – nursery rhymes with the lyrics changed and designed to help students with attachment and connection. Students practice an “I love you” ritual one-on-one with a classroom adult each morning.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist’s “little safe place” boxes are modeled from the self-regulation and emotional identification tools in the “safe place” corner of her classroom, an area that also contains a rug and pillows to comfort students. In a moment of dysregulation, whether the student is using the box or the safe place corner, a classroom adult can guide them to use these tools to recognize and move through their emotions. Each student also has a family photo in their box. “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63086/when-family-tree-projects-frustrate-students-community-maps-are-an-inclusive-alternative\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Connections to home\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are just so helpful if they’re upset about anything,” said Kist.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Learning to identify emotions\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Identifying emotions is a complex process. For young children the first steps in this process are learning to recognize facial expressions, tone of voice and body language, according to Goodwin, the child psychologist. They also need to learn to label those context clues with language.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to Goodwin, children should be able to identify emotions by around three or four years old. Although most children will learn how to identify emotions naturally through social interaction, parents and educators can facilitate that learning. “The biggest thing you can do is just talk about emotions,” she said. Taking opportunities to talk about and label your own emotions or the emotions expressed in a children’s TV show or book can be helpful. It is also helpful for parents and educators to label emotions that a child is expressing for them so that “in the future they can then learn to label it themselves,” Goodwin said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To help students \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62290/teaching-kids-the-right-way-to-say-im-sorry\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">build empathy\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, Goodwin recommends parents and educators ask young children what a character in a book or tv show might be feeling, and why they might be feeling that way. One activity that Goodwin has found useful in her personal and professional life is “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://rainbowdays.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rainbow-Days-SEL-Resource-Feelings-Charades-on-website.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">feeling charades\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.” In this game, both children and adults act out a feeling, while the other participants guess what feeling they are expressing. Feeling charades can also be played with puppets or toys.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Learning to regulate emotions\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In Kist’s classroom, students practice emotional regulation strategies throughout the day, not just when there’s a peer conflict or an individual child is distressed. “You can’t teach it when they’re in the middle of it,” Kist said. When a child is upset, she takes time to acknowledge the student’s feelings, reflect back to them what their face is expressing and suggest an emotion that they might be feeling. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist’s students also practice different breathing techniques throughout the day. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63039/to-help-students-deal-with-trauma-this-school-holds-mindfulness-lessons-over-the-loudspeaker\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Breathing exercises can be helpful for self-regulation\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but young children need concrete explanations, so the techniques Kist uses have a symbol, such as a star or a balloon. The visual reminders are printed on a small laminated page in their “little safe place” box. When a student needs to access deep breathing, they can pull out their breathing card and choose an exercise. Kist and her students also make up their own breathing exercises, always involving a physical aspect like deep breathing while swinging their leg to kick an imaginary ball.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63512\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-63512 size-medium\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-800x600.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-160x120.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-768x576.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1536x1152.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-2048x1536.jpg 2048w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1920x1440.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The “safe place” corner of Jenny Kist’s classroom contains a rug and pillows to comfort students, as well as tools to help them identify and process their feelings. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Jenny Kist)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Goodwin suggested encouraging children to breathe in through their nose and out through their mouth by pretending to smell a flower and blow out a candle. This can be given as a verbal explanation, but can also be helped by using fake flowers and candles, or even drawings for children to reference. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Goodwin also uses \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiMb2Bw4Ae8\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">belly breathing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, where young children put their hands on their bellies as they breathe to feel how their abdomen expands and contracts with each breath, as well as \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKdApTxsDP0\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">five-finger breathing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, where children trace their fingers on one hand with the index finger on their other hand as they take slow breaths, one per finger. Teaching these techniques can be frustrating because kids at this age are easily distracted and learning these skills for the first time. It “just takes like a lot of modeling,” and “a lot of reminding,” said Goodwin.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>COVID-19 origins and ongoing impact\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist originally created the “my little safe place” boxes when the early learning center went virtual in spring 2020 because of the COVID-19 pandemic. During the unfamiliar experience of virtual learning, she wanted to find a way to provide a portable and accessible version of the safe space corner for each student.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Initially, not every student was given a “little safe place” box. But as she saw how helpful they were to the students that she had given them to during at home learning, Kist decided that every student in her classroom should have one. Since incorporating the boxes in her in-person classroom, she has seen students bring other students their boxes in moments of dysregulation. She has also seen some of her young learners singing their “I love you” nursery rhymes with each other unprompted.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to Goodwin, we don’t yet have enough data to determine if distance learning had \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61310/are-the-pandemic-babies-and-kids-ok\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">any long-term effects\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> on young children’s ability to identify and process emotions, but she is encouraged by the knowledge that children’s brains are very plastic. There is a sensitive period for developing the skills to process emotions, but that “doesn’t mean that’s the only time you can learn those skills,” Goodwin said. At the same time, she added, it doesn’t hurt for parents and educators to focus on educating young children on emotional and social emotional skills that they may have missed out on during the early years of the pandemic.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"In Jenny Kist's preschool classroom, small plastic pencil boxes hold everything kids need to practice self-regulation and emotional identification.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1714405946,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":19,"wordCount":1500},"headData":{"title":"Young Children Need Help Identifying Emotions. 'Little Safe Place' Boxes Give Them Tools. | KQED","description":"In Jenny Kist's preschool classroom, small plastic pencil boxes hold everything kids need to practice self-regulation and emotional identification.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"In Jenny Kist's preschool classroom, small plastic pencil boxes hold everything kids need to practice self-regulation and emotional identification.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Young Children Need Help Identifying Emotions. 'Little Safe Place' Boxes Give Them Tools.","datePublished":"2024-04-16T10:00:28.000Z","dateModified":"2024-04-29T15:52:26.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/63506/young-children-need-help-identifying-emotions-little-safe-place-boxes-give-them-tools","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When Jenny Kist’s students walk through the classroom door every morning, they take out their “little safe place” boxes. Made to be a portable version of a calming physical space in Kist’s early childhood education classroom, these small plastic pencil boxes hold everything Kist’s students need throughout the day to practice \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62194/is-social-emotional-learning-effective-new-meta-analysis-adds-to-evidence-but-debate-persists\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">self-regulation and emotional identification\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Developed when Kist’s classroom went virtual after the onset of covid, “little safe place” boxes are now a mainstay for Kist’s three to five year-old students. Each student is provided with their own box and practices self-regulating breathing techniques, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58790/why-kindness-and-emotional-literacy-matters-in-raising-kids\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">providing compassion and empathy towards others\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and labeling and expressing their emotions throughout the school day.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist, an early childhood educator with 27 years of experience, works at a school that follows the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://consciousdiscipline.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Conscious Discipline\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> framework, which is rooted in social-emotional learning and trauma-informed practices, and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://teachingstrategies.com/product/the-creative-curriculum-for-preschool/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Creative Curriculum\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a project-based early learning framework. Her school also encourages building a “school family” in order to foster safety and connection among the students, faculty and staff. For Kist, a big part of providing safety and connection in her classroom comes from \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61233/why-cultivating-emotional-intelligence-among-toddlers-has-become-more-urgent\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">helping young learners identify and process their emotions\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and “little safe place” boxes are a tool for that.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“Being aware of your emotions is the first step in learning how to regulate them,” said \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cara Goodwin\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a child psychologist and author of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/tag/parenting-translator\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Parenting Translator newsletter\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Identifying and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62501/want-your-kids-to-be-happier-and-healthier-start-talking-with-them-about-uncomfortable-emotions\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">expressing emotions\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are “essential for the development of empathy and for maintaining healthy social relationships,” Goodwin continued.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>“Little safe place” boxes\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist starts the school year by introducing her young students to the four basic emotions: happy, sad, angry and scared. She spends a week on each one, starting with happiness, and uses books, songs, and other classroom visuals as learning aids. Kist continues like this until students are well acquainted with the concepts inside of the “little safe place” boxes. Then she distributes a box to each child.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63571\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-63571\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-800x1067.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1020x1360.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-160x213.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-768x1024.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace5-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Jenny Kist created a “My Little Safe Place” box for every student in her early childhood classroom. It contains tools for emotional identification and regulation. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Jenny Kist)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After that, each morning Kist guides students through using the different tools in their boxes. They take out a card that has faces for the four basic feelings and mark which feeling they identify with that morning. Then, the children take out their breathing strategy card, which has four different icons that indicate different breathing strategies that they have learned. The boxes also have a card in them that remind the students of what Kist calls “I love you” rituals – nursery rhymes with the lyrics changed and designed to help students with attachment and connection. Students practice an “I love you” ritual one-on-one with a classroom adult each morning.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist’s “little safe place” boxes are modeled from the self-regulation and emotional identification tools in the “safe place” corner of her classroom, an area that also contains a rug and pillows to comfort students. In a moment of dysregulation, whether the student is using the box or the safe place corner, a classroom adult can guide them to use these tools to recognize and move through their emotions. Each student also has a family photo in their box. “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63086/when-family-tree-projects-frustrate-students-community-maps-are-an-inclusive-alternative\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Connections to home\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are just so helpful if they’re upset about anything,” said Kist.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Learning to identify emotions\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Identifying emotions is a complex process. For young children the first steps in this process are learning to recognize facial expressions, tone of voice and body language, according to Goodwin, the child psychologist. They also need to learn to label those context clues with language.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to Goodwin, children should be able to identify emotions by around three or four years old. Although most children will learn how to identify emotions naturally through social interaction, parents and educators can facilitate that learning. “The biggest thing you can do is just talk about emotions,” she said. Taking opportunities to talk about and label your own emotions or the emotions expressed in a children’s TV show or book can be helpful. It is also helpful for parents and educators to label emotions that a child is expressing for them so that “in the future they can then learn to label it themselves,” Goodwin said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To help students \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62290/teaching-kids-the-right-way-to-say-im-sorry\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">build empathy\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, Goodwin recommends parents and educators ask young children what a character in a book or tv show might be feeling, and why they might be feeling that way. One activity that Goodwin has found useful in her personal and professional life is “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://rainbowdays.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rainbow-Days-SEL-Resource-Feelings-Charades-on-website.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">feeling charades\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.” In this game, both children and adults act out a feeling, while the other participants guess what feeling they are expressing. Feeling charades can also be played with puppets or toys.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Learning to regulate emotions\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In Kist’s classroom, students practice emotional regulation strategies throughout the day, not just when there’s a peer conflict or an individual child is distressed. “You can’t teach it when they’re in the middle of it,” Kist said. When a child is upset, she takes time to acknowledge the student’s feelings, reflect back to them what their face is expressing and suggest an emotion that they might be feeling. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist’s students also practice different breathing techniques throughout the day. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63039/to-help-students-deal-with-trauma-this-school-holds-mindfulness-lessons-over-the-loudspeaker\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Breathing exercises can be helpful for self-regulation\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but young children need concrete explanations, so the techniques Kist uses have a symbol, such as a star or a balloon. The visual reminders are printed on a small laminated page in their “little safe place” box. When a student needs to access deep breathing, they can pull out their breathing card and choose an exercise. Kist and her students also make up their own breathing exercises, always involving a physical aspect like deep breathing while swinging their leg to kick an imaginary ball.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63512\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-63512 size-medium\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-800x600.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-160x120.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-768x576.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1536x1152.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-2048x1536.jpg 2048w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/04/safeplace3-1920x1440.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The “safe place” corner of Jenny Kist’s classroom contains a rug and pillows to comfort students, as well as tools to help them identify and process their feelings. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Jenny Kist)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Goodwin suggested encouraging children to breathe in through their nose and out through their mouth by pretending to smell a flower and blow out a candle. This can be given as a verbal explanation, but can also be helped by using fake flowers and candles, or even drawings for children to reference. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Goodwin also uses \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiMb2Bw4Ae8\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">belly breathing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, where young children put their hands on their bellies as they breathe to feel how their abdomen expands and contracts with each breath, as well as \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKdApTxsDP0\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">five-finger breathing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, where children trace their fingers on one hand with the index finger on their other hand as they take slow breaths, one per finger. Teaching these techniques can be frustrating because kids at this age are easily distracted and learning these skills for the first time. It “just takes like a lot of modeling,” and “a lot of reminding,” said Goodwin.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>COVID-19 origins and ongoing impact\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kist originally created the “my little safe place” boxes when the early learning center went virtual in spring 2020 because of the COVID-19 pandemic. During the unfamiliar experience of virtual learning, she wanted to find a way to provide a portable and accessible version of the safe space corner for each student.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Initially, not every student was given a “little safe place” box. But as she saw how helpful they were to the students that she had given them to during at home learning, Kist decided that every student in her classroom should have one. Since incorporating the boxes in her in-person classroom, she has seen students bring other students their boxes in moments of dysregulation. She has also seen some of her young learners singing their “I love you” nursery rhymes with each other unprompted.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to Goodwin, we don’t yet have enough data to determine if distance learning had \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61310/are-the-pandemic-babies-and-kids-ok\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">any long-term effects\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> on young children’s ability to identify and process emotions, but she is encouraged by the knowledge that children’s brains are very plastic. There is a sensitive period for developing the skills to process emotions, but that “doesn’t mean that’s the only time you can learn those skills,” Goodwin said. At the same time, she added, it doesn’t hurt for parents and educators to focus on educating young children on emotional and social emotional skills that they may have missed out on during the early years of the pandemic.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/63506/young-children-need-help-identifying-emotions-little-safe-place-boxes-give-them-tools","authors":["11759"],"categories":["mindshift_194","mindshift_21280","mindshift_21385","mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_20720","mindshift_21157","mindshift_20699","mindshift_841","mindshift_152","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_63511","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_62183":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_62183","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"62183","score":null,"sort":[1692784803000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"why-social-emotional-learning-is-critical-for-teaching-climate-justice","title":"Why Social Emotional Learning Is Critical for Teaching Climate Justice","publishDate":1692784803,"format":"standard","headTitle":"Why Social Emotional Learning Is Critical for Teaching Climate Justice | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Adapted with permission from Roderick, T. (2023). \u003ca href=\"https://hep.gse.harvard.edu/hep-home/books/teach-for-climate-justice\">Teach for Climate Justice: A Vision for Transforming Education\u003c/a>, (pp. 13–20). Harvard Education Press.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the culminating project of their multidisciplinary course on climate justice, seniors at the Washington Heights Expeditionary Learning School in New York City (known as WHEELS) worked in groups of four to choose a climate justice issue and create a seven-minute video. One student, introducing his group’s video, said that the students had disagreed over which issue to focus on. One favored pollution; another, garbage and littering; and a third, drug addiction. “Through good listening and negotiation,” he stated proudly, “we were able to solve our conflict with a win-win-win agreement.” They decided to address all three — a decision that forced them to explore connections among these three major problems in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Their neighborhood in the Washington Heights section of Manhattan is surrounded by highways that pollute the air and lead to high rates of asthma. A large neighborhood park is full of trees, but it’s strewn with garbage, including needles from drug users. As a result, people don’t use the park to enjoy its potential beauty and clean-air benefits. Because the park is underused, it’s unsafe as well. The student-created video called for the school community to join volunteer efforts to clean up the park and to support neighborhood demands that the city improve park maintenance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The students not only produced a call-to-action video for the school\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-62185 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"241\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final.jpg 432w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final-160x240.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\"> and wider community; by sharing the role that listening and negotiation played in their accomplishment, they demonstrated the power of SEL as an essential body of knowledge and skill for climate justice activists.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For 36 years I served as executive director of Morningside Center for Teaching Social Responsibility, which was founded in 1982 by educators concerned about the danger of nuclear war. Throughout my time there, we partnered with schools to develop high-quality, research-backed programs in SEL, restorative practices and racial equity. The skills we taught to serve those goals are as follows:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>create a vision of the community we hope for in our classroom and school\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>understand and manage feelings\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>listen actively\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>be assertive (strong, but not mean)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>solve problems creatively and nonviolently\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>stand up for justice\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>make a difference\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>These skills are essential for young people to learn as they grapple with climate change — and the dislocation, anxiety and conflict it generates. SEL builds our capacity both to weather the emotional challenges created by the crisis and to work together effectively to respond to it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whether we call it SEL, peacemaking, justice-seeking or conflict resolution, this is a body of knowledge, ideas and skills that needs to be learned, practiced and applied in an ongoing process of growth. This is not to imply that students and adults come to SEL as blank slates. From the time we’re born, we’re taking in messages about how to handle feelings, relate to others and deal with conflict. The fields of peacemaking, conflict resolution and SEL seek to assemble and share wisdom and know-how, gleaned over many years from many sources, and share it so that people can use it to build on their strengths and, in some cases, change behaviors and ways of thinking that are not serving themselves or others well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We foster these values, skills and ways of thinking in our students through instruction in a research-validated curriculum. Best practice in SEL instruction for students can be summed up in the acronym RISE (regular, interactive, skills-based and explicit): regular, because it takes practice to learn these skills; interactive, because to learn how to relate well to others, you have to interact with them; skills-based, because skills are as critical for social and emotional competence as they are for learning to read or play basketball; and explicit, because this work is so important that you need to give it focus by naming it and making it a priority.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although the skill areas are consistent across the grades from preK to 12, the sophistication of the skills and the situations they address are tailored to the developmental needs and capabilities of the students. Each skill can support us as we navigate the climate crisis and work for climate justice.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Create a vision of the community we hope for\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In this skill area, students and teacher reflect on what they value in their relationships with other people and share their hopes for their classroom or circle group: How do I want to be treated? How will I treat others? Together, students and teacher make community agreements. Instead of taking their classroom for granted as a place where the teacher alone lays down the rules, they identify what they hope for and begin to make it a reality, with everyone taking responsibility. This is a first step in enabling students and teacher to create a supportive community and envision together the future they would like to see. It’s an exercise in active hope.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Understand and manage feelings\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students learn that we all have feelings, and they expand their feelings vocabularies. They notice that feelings come and go and learn ways to take charge so that their feelings work for them rather than against them. For example, they learn that they can have feelings without acting on them in the heat of the moment. They can share a feeling with a friend or an adult, write about it in a journal, or shift their attention to something they’re grateful for. They can take deep breaths or take a walk around the block to cool down when angry, enabling them to think more clearly about how to deal with the anger trigger. Teachers find these techniques extremely useful as well. Social activists throughout history have channeled their anger into constructive action for justice. As we cope with the climate crisis, and as we educate and fight for climate justice, we will face plenty of occasions for anger and disappointment. We must also cherish and celebrate moments of triumph and connection. Skills in managing this roller coaster of feelings are critical tools that we need as we and our students offer our gifts of active hope and sustain them for the long haul.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Listen actively\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>To listen actively is to listen in a way that encourages the other person to talk. Students and teachers learn the importance of body language to send the message that they care about the speaker and are interested in what they have to say. They practice skills in paraphrasing to check their understanding of what the speaker is trying to communicate, in acknowledging and reflecting feelings the speaker is expressing, and in gentle questioning to show interest without prying. They get plenty of practice in their SEL classes as they listen to each other in pair-shares and go-rounds. Good listening is the foundation for building friendships and work relationships, for racial and cultural understanding, and for good leadership. Good listening is especially critical for climate justice because it is key in building the trusting relationships we need in challenging times. For adults, good listening is essential in building supportive relationships with students and in being fully present when students share feelings and concerns.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Be assertive\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students and teachers learn that when they find themselves in a situation that is unfair, annoying, or not meeting their needs, they have several options: they can give in; they can be aggressive (mean); or they can be assertive, which is being strong while acting with respect for the other person. Of course, at times, it’s smartest to give in, and at other times, you may have to be aggressive. The aim is to expand students’ and adults’ assertive options. For instance, students or adults can work in pairs to practice natural assertive messages (saying clearly and firmly what they want). They can practice creating and using “I-feel messages” in conflicts with friends or family members—rather than using “you messages” that judge and blame the other person. This skill enhances one’s comfort and effectiveness in standing up to unfair treatment of oneself and others.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Solve problems creatively and nonviolently \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Problem-solving skills can be used to address classroom problems and problems among friends. In Morningside Center’s curricula, students explore the concept of conflict, learning that conflict is part of life. Conflict can lead to violence, but it doesn’t have to, especially if people are skilled in conflict resolution. Students learn about conflict escalation—how to avoid it and how to jump off the escalator if they find themselves on it. They learn to see conflict not as a crisis or a failure but as a problem to be solved. They learn and practice skills in negotiation and mediation. Like the WHEELS students working on their climate justice video, they learn that conflicts can sometimes be solved so that everybody wins. They also learn and practice the ABCDE problem-solving method: Ask, what is the problem? Brainstorm solutions. Choose one. Do it. Evaluate how it works.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Stand up for justice\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students share their cultural backgrounds: What has been great about being who they are? What has been challenging? They learn to identify prejudice, stereotypes, discrimination (defined as action based on prejudice) and oppression (systemic mistreatment of people based on their group identity). They learn the terms for the forms that discrimination and oppression take, including racism, sexism, classism, anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, anti-LGBTQ oppression and adultism. Through role-plays, skits and activities, students and teachers learn and practice assertive strategies to stand up for fair treatment of all people—within their school and in the wide world. The relevance for climate justice is clear. When students reflect on their racial, gender and cultural identities and listen to their classmates share theirs, those concepts are no longer abstract, but rather become concrete and personal. The imperative to identify mistreatment and stand up to it lays the groundwork for understanding how oppression has played out on the global stage in the history, economics and politics of fossil-fuel extraction and burning. These school-based activities across the grades foster the values of understanding, respect and fairness on a personal level and establish an age-appropriate foundation for understanding oppression on societal and global levels in the higher grades.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Supporting teachers to teach these skills lays a foundation for culturally responsive teaching and other antiracist policies and practices and is a critical step in building the “beloved community.” In the training, educators share their cultural backgrounds, acknowledge and explore the realities of discrimination and oppression in our society, and learn strategies to prevent discrimination and oppression from occurring in their classrooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Make a difference\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students and teachers learn stories of courageous people who are fighting for justice and the environment or who did so in the past. Students identify the strengths of these people, the challenges they faced or are facing and what they have achieved.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We invite students and teachers to remember times when they made a difference for others in ways large or small. They identify the qualities they have that enabled them to make a difference. They reflect on other positive qualities they would like to develop and get support for developing those qualities. They envision something they hope for their family, their classroom, their school, their neighborhood, or the world, and they identify a concrete step they can take to make that hope a reality.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They also take part in a classroom exercise or project that requires them to cooperate with others to achieve a goal. Reflecting on the experience afterward, they identify skills and behavior that helped or hindered their efforts to work with others to get things done. The climate justice films that WHEELS seniors created are examples of such a project. The students readily acknowledged that to make their films, they had to exercise skills in cooperation, including all of the social and emotional skills discussed thus far.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-62217\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"150\" height=\"155\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick.jpg 1800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-800x826.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-1020x1053.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-160x165.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-768x793.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-1488x1536.jpg 1488w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\">Tom Roderick is an educator, activist and writer based in New York City. He came to education through the civil rights movement in the 1960s and taught in Harlem and East Harlem for ten years, including seven years as teacher-director of a storefront school led by parents. For 36 years he served as founding executive director of Morningside Center for Teaching Social Responsibility, started in 1982 by educators concerned about the danger of nuclear war. Over the years he led Morningside Center to become a national leader in partnering with schools to implement high-quality, research-based programs in social and emotional learning, restorative practices and racial equity. In May 2018, the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) awarded Roderick its Mary Utne O’Brien Award for Excellence in Expanding Evidence-Based Practice of Social and Emotional Learning.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"In \"Teach for Climate Justice,\" Tom Roderick outlines the social and emotional skills that can empower students and school staff to understand the climate crisis and take climate action.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1714587248,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":22,"wordCount":2182},"headData":{"title":"Why Social Emotional Learning Is Critical for Teaching Climate Justice | KQED","description":"Social emotional skills can help young people cope with climate anxiety and empower them to take action.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"Social emotional skills can help young people cope with climate anxiety and empower them to take action.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Why Social Emotional Learning Is Critical for Teaching Climate Justice","datePublished":"2023-08-23T10:00:03.000Z","dateModified":"2024-05-01T18:14:08.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"nprStoryId":"kqed-62183","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62183/why-social-emotional-learning-is-critical-for-teaching-climate-justice","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Adapted with permission from Roderick, T. (2023). \u003ca href=\"https://hep.gse.harvard.edu/hep-home/books/teach-for-climate-justice\">Teach for Climate Justice: A Vision for Transforming Education\u003c/a>, (pp. 13–20). Harvard Education Press.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the culminating project of their multidisciplinary course on climate justice, seniors at the Washington Heights Expeditionary Learning School in New York City (known as WHEELS) worked in groups of four to choose a climate justice issue and create a seven-minute video. One student, introducing his group’s video, said that the students had disagreed over which issue to focus on. One favored pollution; another, garbage and littering; and a third, drug addiction. “Through good listening and negotiation,” he stated proudly, “we were able to solve our conflict with a win-win-win agreement.” They decided to address all three — a decision that forced them to explore connections among these three major problems in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Their neighborhood in the Washington Heights section of Manhattan is surrounded by highways that pollute the air and lead to high rates of asthma. A large neighborhood park is full of trees, but it’s strewn with garbage, including needles from drug users. As a result, people don’t use the park to enjoy its potential beauty and clean-air benefits. Because the park is underused, it’s unsafe as well. The student-created video called for the school community to join volunteer efforts to clean up the park and to support neighborhood demands that the city improve park maintenance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The students not only produced a call-to-action video for the school\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-62185 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"241\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final.jpg 432w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/Roderick_cover_final-160x240.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\"> and wider community; by sharing the role that listening and negotiation played in their accomplishment, they demonstrated the power of SEL as an essential body of knowledge and skill for climate justice activists.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For 36 years I served as executive director of Morningside Center for Teaching Social Responsibility, which was founded in 1982 by educators concerned about the danger of nuclear war. Throughout my time there, we partnered with schools to develop high-quality, research-backed programs in SEL, restorative practices and racial equity. The skills we taught to serve those goals are as follows:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>create a vision of the community we hope for in our classroom and school\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>understand and manage feelings\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>listen actively\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>be assertive (strong, but not mean)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>solve problems creatively and nonviolently\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>stand up for justice\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>make a difference\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>These skills are essential for young people to learn as they grapple with climate change — and the dislocation, anxiety and conflict it generates. SEL builds our capacity both to weather the emotional challenges created by the crisis and to work together effectively to respond to it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whether we call it SEL, peacemaking, justice-seeking or conflict resolution, this is a body of knowledge, ideas and skills that needs to be learned, practiced and applied in an ongoing process of growth. This is not to imply that students and adults come to SEL as blank slates. From the time we’re born, we’re taking in messages about how to handle feelings, relate to others and deal with conflict. The fields of peacemaking, conflict resolution and SEL seek to assemble and share wisdom and know-how, gleaned over many years from many sources, and share it so that people can use it to build on their strengths and, in some cases, change behaviors and ways of thinking that are not serving themselves or others well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We foster these values, skills and ways of thinking in our students through instruction in a research-validated curriculum. Best practice in SEL instruction for students can be summed up in the acronym RISE (regular, interactive, skills-based and explicit): regular, because it takes practice to learn these skills; interactive, because to learn how to relate well to others, you have to interact with them; skills-based, because skills are as critical for social and emotional competence as they are for learning to read or play basketball; and explicit, because this work is so important that you need to give it focus by naming it and making it a priority.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although the skill areas are consistent across the grades from preK to 12, the sophistication of the skills and the situations they address are tailored to the developmental needs and capabilities of the students. Each skill can support us as we navigate the climate crisis and work for climate justice.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Create a vision of the community we hope for\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In this skill area, students and teacher reflect on what they value in their relationships with other people and share their hopes for their classroom or circle group: How do I want to be treated? How will I treat others? Together, students and teacher make community agreements. Instead of taking their classroom for granted as a place where the teacher alone lays down the rules, they identify what they hope for and begin to make it a reality, with everyone taking responsibility. This is a first step in enabling students and teacher to create a supportive community and envision together the future they would like to see. It’s an exercise in active hope.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Understand and manage feelings\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students learn that we all have feelings, and they expand their feelings vocabularies. They notice that feelings come and go and learn ways to take charge so that their feelings work for them rather than against them. For example, they learn that they can have feelings without acting on them in the heat of the moment. They can share a feeling with a friend or an adult, write about it in a journal, or shift their attention to something they’re grateful for. They can take deep breaths or take a walk around the block to cool down when angry, enabling them to think more clearly about how to deal with the anger trigger. Teachers find these techniques extremely useful as well. Social activists throughout history have channeled their anger into constructive action for justice. As we cope with the climate crisis, and as we educate and fight for climate justice, we will face plenty of occasions for anger and disappointment. We must also cherish and celebrate moments of triumph and connection. Skills in managing this roller coaster of feelings are critical tools that we need as we and our students offer our gifts of active hope and sustain them for the long haul.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Listen actively\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>To listen actively is to listen in a way that encourages the other person to talk. Students and teachers learn the importance of body language to send the message that they care about the speaker and are interested in what they have to say. They practice skills in paraphrasing to check their understanding of what the speaker is trying to communicate, in acknowledging and reflecting feelings the speaker is expressing, and in gentle questioning to show interest without prying. They get plenty of practice in their SEL classes as they listen to each other in pair-shares and go-rounds. Good listening is the foundation for building friendships and work relationships, for racial and cultural understanding, and for good leadership. Good listening is especially critical for climate justice because it is key in building the trusting relationships we need in challenging times. For adults, good listening is essential in building supportive relationships with students and in being fully present when students share feelings and concerns.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Be assertive\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students and teachers learn that when they find themselves in a situation that is unfair, annoying, or not meeting their needs, they have several options: they can give in; they can be aggressive (mean); or they can be assertive, which is being strong while acting with respect for the other person. Of course, at times, it’s smartest to give in, and at other times, you may have to be aggressive. The aim is to expand students’ and adults’ assertive options. For instance, students or adults can work in pairs to practice natural assertive messages (saying clearly and firmly what they want). They can practice creating and using “I-feel messages” in conflicts with friends or family members—rather than using “you messages” that judge and blame the other person. This skill enhances one’s comfort and effectiveness in standing up to unfair treatment of oneself and others.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Solve problems creatively and nonviolently \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Problem-solving skills can be used to address classroom problems and problems among friends. In Morningside Center’s curricula, students explore the concept of conflict, learning that conflict is part of life. Conflict can lead to violence, but it doesn’t have to, especially if people are skilled in conflict resolution. Students learn about conflict escalation—how to avoid it and how to jump off the escalator if they find themselves on it. They learn to see conflict not as a crisis or a failure but as a problem to be solved. They learn and practice skills in negotiation and mediation. Like the WHEELS students working on their climate justice video, they learn that conflicts can sometimes be solved so that everybody wins. They also learn and practice the ABCDE problem-solving method: Ask, what is the problem? Brainstorm solutions. Choose one. Do it. Evaluate how it works.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Stand up for justice\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students share their cultural backgrounds: What has been great about being who they are? What has been challenging? They learn to identify prejudice, stereotypes, discrimination (defined as action based on prejudice) and oppression (systemic mistreatment of people based on their group identity). They learn the terms for the forms that discrimination and oppression take, including racism, sexism, classism, anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, anti-LGBTQ oppression and adultism. Through role-plays, skits and activities, students and teachers learn and practice assertive strategies to stand up for fair treatment of all people—within their school and in the wide world. The relevance for climate justice is clear. When students reflect on their racial, gender and cultural identities and listen to their classmates share theirs, those concepts are no longer abstract, but rather become concrete and personal. The imperative to identify mistreatment and stand up to it lays the groundwork for understanding how oppression has played out on the global stage in the history, economics and politics of fossil-fuel extraction and burning. These school-based activities across the grades foster the values of understanding, respect and fairness on a personal level and establish an age-appropriate foundation for understanding oppression on societal and global levels in the higher grades.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Supporting teachers to teach these skills lays a foundation for culturally responsive teaching and other antiracist policies and practices and is a critical step in building the “beloved community.” In the training, educators share their cultural backgrounds, acknowledge and explore the realities of discrimination and oppression in our society, and learn strategies to prevent discrimination and oppression from occurring in their classrooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Make a difference\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Students and teachers learn stories of courageous people who are fighting for justice and the environment or who did so in the past. Students identify the strengths of these people, the challenges they faced or are facing and what they have achieved.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We invite students and teachers to remember times when they made a difference for others in ways large or small. They identify the qualities they have that enabled them to make a difference. They reflect on other positive qualities they would like to develop and get support for developing those qualities. They envision something they hope for their family, their classroom, their school, their neighborhood, or the world, and they identify a concrete step they can take to make that hope a reality.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They also take part in a classroom exercise or project that requires them to cooperate with others to achieve a goal. Reflecting on the experience afterward, they identify skills and behavior that helped or hindered their efforts to work with others to get things done. The climate justice films that WHEELS seniors created are examples of such a project. The students readily acknowledged that to make their films, they had to exercise skills in cooperation, including all of the social and emotional skills discussed thus far.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-62217\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"150\" height=\"155\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick.jpg 1800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-800x826.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-1020x1053.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-160x165.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-768x793.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/TomRoderick-1488x1536.jpg 1488w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\">Tom Roderick is an educator, activist and writer based in New York City. He came to education through the civil rights movement in the 1960s and taught in Harlem and East Harlem for ten years, including seven years as teacher-director of a storefront school led by parents. For 36 years he served as founding executive director of Morningside Center for Teaching Social Responsibility, started in 1982 by educators concerned about the danger of nuclear war. Over the years he led Morningside Center to become a national leader in partnering with schools to implement high-quality, research-based programs in social and emotional learning, restorative practices and racial equity. In May 2018, the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) awarded Roderick its Mary Utne O’Brien Award for Excellence in Expanding Evidence-Based Practice of Social and Emotional Learning.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62183/why-social-emotional-learning-is-critical-for-teaching-climate-justice","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_21491","mindshift_21508","mindshift_21280","mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_21178","mindshift_20533","mindshift_21124","mindshift_21592","mindshift_21463","mindshift_21157","mindshift_20821","mindshift_20703","mindshift_944","mindshift_943","mindshift_21395"],"featImg":"mindshift_62186","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_62189":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_62189","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"62189","score":null,"sort":[1692147659000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"school-shapes-teens-identities-and-relationships-what-role-do-teachers-play","title":"School shapes teens' identities and relationships. What role do teachers play?","publishDate":1692147659,"format":"standard","headTitle":"School shapes teens’ identities and relationships. What role do teachers play? | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Copyright © 2023 Deborah Offner. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission by Taylor & Francis Group from Offner, D. (2023), \u003ca href=\"https://www.routledge.com/Educators-as-First-Responders-A-Teachers-Guide-to-Adolescent-Development/Offner/p/book/9781032416076\">Educators as First Responders: A Teacher’s Guide to Adolescent Development and Mental Health\u003c/a>, Grades 6-12 (pages 6-11). New York: Routledge.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For most adolescents, their world is school-centric. School is where tweens and teens spend most of their time. It’s where their work (learning) is. It’s where their peers are and where their relationships happen. It’s also where their parents aren’t, so school is where they begin to shape their individual identities and, with any luck, begin to figure out for themselves how to deal with \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61246/students-want-to-learn-about-personal-financeand-hear-about-adults-money-mistakes\">life’s demands\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58857/how-to-make-the-shift-from-indulging-problems-to-creating-possibilities\">problems\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Starting around age eleven or twelve, students are increasingly aware of their own \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60088/using-a-strengths-based-approach-to-help-students-realize-their-potential\">strengths\u003c/a> and weaknesses — academically, athletically, artistically, socially and physically. They naturally compare themselves to others and look to their peers for approval and acceptance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-62191 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-800x1212.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"168\" height=\"254\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-800x1212.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1020x1545.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-160x242.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-768x1163.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1014x1536.jpg 1014w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1352x2048.jpg 1352w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-scaled.jpg 1690w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 168px) 100vw, 168px\">Complicating this process is the fact that each student is moving through these \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60743/puberty-education-varies-widely-heres-a-science-based-period-talk-to-inform-both-kids-and-adults\">physical\u003c/a> and cognitive changes at their own pace. Just as a full range of heights as well as facial hair is on display throughout middle and high school hallways, various stages of cerebral and psychological development are evident, if not as obvious.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each student is judging whatever happens in class — or at lunch, or on the athletic field — from \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59687/middle-schoolers-are-social-what-opportunity-does-that-create-for-learning\">their own developmental vantage point\u003c/a>. As you might imagine and have likely experienced, this unevenness in comprehension and reasoning (not to mention self-awareness and self-regulation) leads to misunderstandings and miscommunications among students. Unevenness across students may fuel disagreements and heighten emotions, leading to hurt feelings or worse harms. Remember, however mature they may appear, your students’ logical reasoning and impulse control are not necessarily ready for what the environment demands of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the academic realm, a student whose brain is maturing at an average rate might have no trouble adjusting to the new rhythms of middle school. But a student whose brain is maturing more slowly faces a multitude of challenges. As they wait for the cognitive capability to plan, organize, and follow through to come on board, such students find typical middle school experiences — such as changing classrooms, juggling the expectations of multiple teachers, and taking courses that require more complex comprehension skills — difficult, if not impossible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are also numerous psychosocial discrepancies across students that show up in middle school. For example, some sixth and seventh graders already have romantic interests, while other students don’t show this kind of interest until high school or even college. A student can be perfectly healthy and normal anywhere along this continuum. However, due to disparities in “pace” in this area, students who have been close friends for years can find themselves in pretty different places socially. Understandably, this can be crushing and incomprehensible for the student who feels left behind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>During adolescence, a day can feel like a week and a week can feel like a day. There is so much to learn and manage, but most adolescents don’t yet have the mental and emotional capacity to think it all through, let alone generate the kind of competent response we (and they) would like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once students arrive in high school, their attention spans, for one thing, do increase. However, they don’t always focus this greater span in the most productive direction — at least not to our adult way of thinking. With a backdrop of pulsing hormones and persistent social pressures, high-school students are preoccupied by myriad issues.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When the choice is between academics or their peers, as you well know, their peers may take priority. Never is this truer than when a friend is in distress. Generation Z adolescents (born after 1997) are more attuned to not only their own \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health\">moods, anxieties and “ups and downs,”\u003c/a> but also to those of their close peers. A seventh grader recently told me that when a friend tells her they are having a tough day or dealing with a difficult issue, she makes a note in her phone so she is reminded to check in with them on subsequent days, to see how they’re doing. Another example: I recently got the following text message from a twelfth grader, canceling our weekly therapy session. “Can’t meet today. Friend in crisis.” At school, student may think nothing of missing something important — for example, your class — to comfort a struggling friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another pressing psychological factor for adolescents is social comparison. They are developmentally driven to compare themselves to others and compete for peer approval. On any given school campus, you can see this express itself in ways reflective of the institution’s culture. At some schools, you see it in the way students dress. At others, students one-up each other with clever quips in class. And in still others, athletic prowess or artistic ability are how students win popularity and the acceptance that comes with it. While this is not a new phenomenon among teenagers, it’s even more intense and unrelenting for this generation because of social media, the ultimate social comparison accelerator.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Finally, the primary developmental task of adolescence is achieving emotional independence from parents or guardians. Complicating this push toward individuation is the fact that middle and high schoolers still need mature guidance — and they know it. Every minute of every day, your students are navigating a world and a way of perceiving a world that is in constant flux for them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nowhere do the challenges and various aspects of adolescence development surface more profoundly or play themselves out more fully than at school — where you, their teacher, are (in effect and fact) the only adult in the room. Thus, when a student needs an adult, not surprisingly, you become their natural choice.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>“I’m not trained for this!”\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>As one panicked teacher so aptly shouted into the phone as she solicited my advice about responding to a student in crisis, “I’m not trained for this!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I’m pretty sure you didn’t exactly sign up for some of this stuff, either. Yet this is the reality of teaching middle schoolers and high schoolers. Though you may doubt you’re the best option when it comes to intervening in your student’s developmental or personal challenges, your students have no such reservations. That’s why they seek you out. They know and regard you as a functioning “adult” — in other words, an expert in all things life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While you may not feel like an expert in “all things life,” and may even have substantial evidence to support your hunch, recognize that in this arena you do offer competencies that other adults simply can’t. You have an established relationship with your students — they listen to you, they’re interested in what you think. You play a consistent and key role in guiding them toward a promising future. Many times, they don’t or won’t listen to other adults — least of all, parents.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You are the “boots on the ground” in your school community. Unlike any other adult in your students’ lives, you observe them day in and day out in their natural habitat. You not only witness their daily interactions, you also know all the players. In addition, you and your colleagues are typically the first adults to notice when something isn’t right with a student — when they seem tired or irritable, are suddenly sitting apart from their friends, or uncharacteristically fail to turn in an assignment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Do not discount the value of your knowledge when it comes to being a first responder to adolescent discontent or more serious personal or emotional difficulties. I’ve mused with more than one teacher or mental health colleague that middle and high school teachers today are a lot like “milieu workers” in pediatric or psychiatric care institutions. In these clinical settings, milieu workers are embedded in the institutional environment, or “milieu,” where they monitor, support, and assist patients. Their role is not only to administer medications, provide advice, or offer resources, they’re there to meet their charges where they are, in the moment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When I served as a school counselor, and later when I was dean of students at a high school, teachers were my best source for flagging a student in need. And teachers continue to be my closest partners in my consulting work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When a student comes to you in crisis, you want to be sure your response will be effective and appropriate. Note that this does not require a degree in psychology. With some basic knowledge of adolescent development and strategies for handling the various situations most likely to come your way, you can feel confident in this dimension of your role, and transform yourself from apprehensive educator to competent first responder.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-62190 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-800x1132.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"198\" height=\"280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-800x1132.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-1020x1443.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-160x226.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-768x1086.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-1086x1536.png 1086w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD.png 1414w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 198px) 100vw, 198px\">Deborah Offner is a clinical psychologist who has worked in schools and colleges as a counselor, educator, and consultant for 25 years. She is Consulting Psychologist at Beacon Academy in Boston, MA, and provides counseling, supervision and professional consultation to several other middle and secondary schools. Her areas of expertise include adolescent development and mental health, student affairs and professional development for K-12 educators.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"In \"Educators as First Responders,\" clinical psychologist Deborah Offner examines the critical role teachers play in adolescent development.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1692188071,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":22,"wordCount":1603},"headData":{"title":"School shapes teens' identities and relationships. What role do teachers play? | KQED","description":"In "Educators as First Responders," clinical psychologist Deborah Offner examines the critical role teachers play in adolescent development.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"In "Educators as First Responders," clinical psychologist Deborah Offner examines the critical role teachers play in adolescent development.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"School shapes teens' identities and relationships. What role do teachers play?","datePublished":"2023-08-16T01:00:59.000Z","dateModified":"2023-08-16T12:14:31.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/62189/school-shapes-teens-identities-and-relationships-what-role-do-teachers-play","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Copyright © 2023 Deborah Offner. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission by Taylor & Francis Group from Offner, D. (2023), \u003ca href=\"https://www.routledge.com/Educators-as-First-Responders-A-Teachers-Guide-to-Adolescent-Development/Offner/p/book/9781032416076\">Educators as First Responders: A Teacher’s Guide to Adolescent Development and Mental Health\u003c/a>, Grades 6-12 (pages 6-11). New York: Routledge.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For most adolescents, their world is school-centric. School is where tweens and teens spend most of their time. It’s where their work (learning) is. It’s where their peers are and where their relationships happen. It’s also where their parents aren’t, so school is where they begin to shape their individual identities and, with any luck, begin to figure out for themselves how to deal with \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61246/students-want-to-learn-about-personal-financeand-hear-about-adults-money-mistakes\">life’s demands\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58857/how-to-make-the-shift-from-indulging-problems-to-creating-possibilities\">problems\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Starting around age eleven or twelve, students are increasingly aware of their own \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60088/using-a-strengths-based-approach-to-help-students-realize-their-potential\">strengths\u003c/a> and weaknesses — academically, athletically, artistically, socially and physically. They naturally compare themselves to others and look to their peers for approval and acceptance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-62191 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-800x1212.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"168\" height=\"254\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-800x1212.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1020x1545.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-160x242.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-768x1163.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1014x1536.jpg 1014w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-1352x2048.jpg 1352w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/9781032416076-scaled.jpg 1690w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 168px) 100vw, 168px\">Complicating this process is the fact that each student is moving through these \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60743/puberty-education-varies-widely-heres-a-science-based-period-talk-to-inform-both-kids-and-adults\">physical\u003c/a> and cognitive changes at their own pace. Just as a full range of heights as well as facial hair is on display throughout middle and high school hallways, various stages of cerebral and psychological development are evident, if not as obvious.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each student is judging whatever happens in class — or at lunch, or on the athletic field — from \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59687/middle-schoolers-are-social-what-opportunity-does-that-create-for-learning\">their own developmental vantage point\u003c/a>. As you might imagine and have likely experienced, this unevenness in comprehension and reasoning (not to mention self-awareness and self-regulation) leads to misunderstandings and miscommunications among students. Unevenness across students may fuel disagreements and heighten emotions, leading to hurt feelings or worse harms. Remember, however mature they may appear, your students’ logical reasoning and impulse control are not necessarily ready for what the environment demands of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the academic realm, a student whose brain is maturing at an average rate might have no trouble adjusting to the new rhythms of middle school. But a student whose brain is maturing more slowly faces a multitude of challenges. As they wait for the cognitive capability to plan, organize, and follow through to come on board, such students find typical middle school experiences — such as changing classrooms, juggling the expectations of multiple teachers, and taking courses that require more complex comprehension skills — difficult, if not impossible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are also numerous psychosocial discrepancies across students that show up in middle school. For example, some sixth and seventh graders already have romantic interests, while other students don’t show this kind of interest until high school or even college. A student can be perfectly healthy and normal anywhere along this continuum. However, due to disparities in “pace” in this area, students who have been close friends for years can find themselves in pretty different places socially. Understandably, this can be crushing and incomprehensible for the student who feels left behind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>During adolescence, a day can feel like a week and a week can feel like a day. There is so much to learn and manage, but most adolescents don’t yet have the mental and emotional capacity to think it all through, let alone generate the kind of competent response we (and they) would like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once students arrive in high school, their attention spans, for one thing, do increase. However, they don’t always focus this greater span in the most productive direction — at least not to our adult way of thinking. With a backdrop of pulsing hormones and persistent social pressures, high-school students are preoccupied by myriad issues.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When the choice is between academics or their peers, as you well know, their peers may take priority. Never is this truer than when a friend is in distress. Generation Z adolescents (born after 1997) are more attuned to not only their own \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health\">moods, anxieties and “ups and downs,”\u003c/a> but also to those of their close peers. A seventh grader recently told me that when a friend tells her they are having a tough day or dealing with a difficult issue, she makes a note in her phone so she is reminded to check in with them on subsequent days, to see how they’re doing. Another example: I recently got the following text message from a twelfth grader, canceling our weekly therapy session. “Can’t meet today. Friend in crisis.” At school, student may think nothing of missing something important — for example, your class — to comfort a struggling friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another pressing psychological factor for adolescents is social comparison. They are developmentally driven to compare themselves to others and compete for peer approval. On any given school campus, you can see this express itself in ways reflective of the institution’s culture. At some schools, you see it in the way students dress. At others, students one-up each other with clever quips in class. And in still others, athletic prowess or artistic ability are how students win popularity and the acceptance that comes with it. While this is not a new phenomenon among teenagers, it’s even more intense and unrelenting for this generation because of social media, the ultimate social comparison accelerator.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Finally, the primary developmental task of adolescence is achieving emotional independence from parents or guardians. Complicating this push toward individuation is the fact that middle and high schoolers still need mature guidance — and they know it. Every minute of every day, your students are navigating a world and a way of perceiving a world that is in constant flux for them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nowhere do the challenges and various aspects of adolescence development surface more profoundly or play themselves out more fully than at school — where you, their teacher, are (in effect and fact) the only adult in the room. Thus, when a student needs an adult, not surprisingly, you become their natural choice.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>“I’m not trained for this!”\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>As one panicked teacher so aptly shouted into the phone as she solicited my advice about responding to a student in crisis, “I’m not trained for this!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I’m pretty sure you didn’t exactly sign up for some of this stuff, either. Yet this is the reality of teaching middle schoolers and high schoolers. Though you may doubt you’re the best option when it comes to intervening in your student’s developmental or personal challenges, your students have no such reservations. That’s why they seek you out. They know and regard you as a functioning “adult” — in other words, an expert in all things life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While you may not feel like an expert in “all things life,” and may even have substantial evidence to support your hunch, recognize that in this arena you do offer competencies that other adults simply can’t. You have an established relationship with your students — they listen to you, they’re interested in what you think. You play a consistent and key role in guiding them toward a promising future. Many times, they don’t or won’t listen to other adults — least of all, parents.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You are the “boots on the ground” in your school community. Unlike any other adult in your students’ lives, you observe them day in and day out in their natural habitat. You not only witness their daily interactions, you also know all the players. In addition, you and your colleagues are typically the first adults to notice when something isn’t right with a student — when they seem tired or irritable, are suddenly sitting apart from their friends, or uncharacteristically fail to turn in an assignment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Do not discount the value of your knowledge when it comes to being a first responder to adolescent discontent or more serious personal or emotional difficulties. I’ve mused with more than one teacher or mental health colleague that middle and high school teachers today are a lot like “milieu workers” in pediatric or psychiatric care institutions. In these clinical settings, milieu workers are embedded in the institutional environment, or “milieu,” where they monitor, support, and assist patients. Their role is not only to administer medications, provide advice, or offer resources, they’re there to meet their charges where they are, in the moment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When I served as a school counselor, and later when I was dean of students at a high school, teachers were my best source for flagging a student in need. And teachers continue to be my closest partners in my consulting work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When a student comes to you in crisis, you want to be sure your response will be effective and appropriate. Note that this does not require a degree in psychology. With some basic knowledge of adolescent development and strategies for handling the various situations most likely to come your way, you can feel confident in this dimension of your role, and transform yourself from apprehensive educator to competent first responder.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-62190 alignright\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-800x1132.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"198\" height=\"280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-800x1132.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-1020x1443.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-160x226.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-768x1086.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD-1086x1536.png 1086w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/08/DeborahOffnerPhD.png 1414w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 198px) 100vw, 198px\">Deborah Offner is a clinical psychologist who has worked in schools and colleges as a counselor, educator, and consultant for 25 years. She is Consulting Psychologist at Beacon Academy in Boston, MA, and provides counseling, supervision and professional consultation to several other middle and secondary schools. Her areas of expertise include adolescent development and mental health, student affairs and professional development for K-12 educators.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/62189/school-shapes-teens-identities-and-relationships-what-role-do-teachers-play","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_21445","mindshift_21512","mindshift_21491","mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_21207","mindshift_21157","mindshift_21336","mindshift_21749","mindshift_21210","mindshift_21159"],"featImg":"mindshift_62192","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_61186":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_61186","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"61186","score":null,"sort":[1678273222000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health","title":"What parents need to know about their teens’ mental health","publishDate":1678273222,"format":"standard","headTitle":"What parents need to know about their teens’ mental health | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Years ago, when I was still coaching high school cross country, a teenage girl skipped up to me after practice with a warning: Don’t count on her to race all the time. If her nerves got too intense before races, she might have to bow out in advance. “I have anxiety!” she explained with a nervous grin.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright wp-image-61195 size-thumbnail\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/EMOTIONAL-LIVES-OF-TEENAGERS-Cover-flat-160x242.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"242\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/EMOTIONAL-LIVES-OF-TEENAGERS-Cover-flat-160x242.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/EMOTIONAL-LIVES-OF-TEENAGERS-Cover-flat.jpg 298w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">I recalled this episode while reading psychologist and author \u003ca href=\"https://drlisadamour.com/bio/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Lisa Damour’s\u003c/a> refreshing new book, \u003ca href=\"https://drlisadamour.com/books/the-emotional-lives-of-teenagers/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">“The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents.”\u003c/a> Damour’s voice is forceful but comforting, and she uses it here to drive home her central point: Achieving mental health does not mean a life without unhappiness, anguish, anger, worry or self-doubt. Rather, these painful emotional states are an unavoidable feature of being human, especially for young people buzzing with hormones and adjusting to operatic moods prompted by recent rewiring of their brains. To best help their developing teenagers, parents should work to build their self-esteem and then guide them in learning how to express and manage these feelings. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_61194\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 160px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-61194 size-thumbnail\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-160x160.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"160\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-1020x1020.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-1536x1536.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174.jpg 1708w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lisa Damour \u003ccite>(Downie Photo/Courtesy of Lisa Damour)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Damour explains how we got to the point of considering unhappiness an aberration from some imaginary blissful norm. To start, advances in antidepressant medications made them safer and more attractive to the masses; she earnestly acknowledges that psychotropic medications improve and sometimes save lives. But prescriptions for Prozac and its medicinal brethren are as ubiquitous today as those for hypertension and cholesterol, making ordinary disappointment seem like a problem in need of a chemical solution. The mental wellness industry, too, \u003ca href=\"https://globalwellnessinstitute.org/industry-research/the-global-wellness-economy-looking-beyond-covid/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">worth about $131 billion globally\u003c/a>, sells the idea that feeling rotten is avoidable (if you purchase just the right eucalyptus oil or bath bomb). Finally, because \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61031/teen-girls-and-lgbtq-youth-plagued-by-violence-and-trauma-survey-says\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">adolescents are in fact gloomier today than they were just ten years ago\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, it’s harder for parents and kids to figure out what distinguishes a legitimate mental health crisis from everyday emotional discomfort.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">On this last point, Damour shares the findings of social psychologist Jonathan Haidt and psychology professor Jean Twenge who are \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://docs.google.com/document/d/1diMvsMeRphUH7E6D1d_J7R6WbDdgnzFHDHPx9HXzR5o/edit\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">sounding the alarm about youth mental health\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Just before the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, 44 percent of teenagers reported experiencing anxiety, up from 34 percent about ten years ago; 37 percent felt “persistently sad or hopeless”; 16 percent of teenagers said that they’d developed a suicide plan. Those self-reported findings were matched by increases in hospitalizations for self-harm and a surge in the number of completed suicides, mostly since 2012. New \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/data/yrbs/yrbs_data_summary_and_trends.htm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">findings\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> released by the CDC in February revealed that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61031/teen-girls-and-lgbtq-youth-plagued-by-violence-and-trauma-survey-says\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">girls and LGBTQ+ youth especially are floundering\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Whether from what Haidt calls the rise in “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61026/10-things-to-know-about-how-social-media-affects-teens-brains\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">phone-based childhoods\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">,” creeping \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60498/what-parents-should-know-about-eco-anxiety-and-its-impact-on-todays-teens\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">existential despair\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, or the effect of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60624/young-adults-are-struggling-with-their-mental-health-is-more-childhood-independence-the-answer\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">too little free and unstructured time\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> — and likely some combination of all these and more — adolescents are struggling today in ways that they weren’t just a decade ago. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">What’s a conscientious parent to do? “One of the most important things we can do for teenagers is help them distinguish between emotions that are uncomfortable (and) emotions that are unmanageable,” Damour told me. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Mothers and fathers should help their young children build authentic self-esteem by celebrating kids’ actions and avoiding effusive praise. Encourage girls and boys to be of service to others, not only to interrupt their solipsistic mindset, but also to reinforce their ability to make a difference. Next, urge them to develop an interest that’s unrelated to school or college applications, like cooking or knitting. Indulging an intrinsic interest is protective of kids’ feelings of self-worth. Finally, get going on these pursuits before a child reaches middle school, when even the healthiest child might falter. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The best thing parents can do after this is help their children learn both to express and regulate their emotions. Articulating painful feelings robs the feelings of their power, and learning how to manage them restores kids’ self-control.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">To encourage open expression, \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">listen\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, Damour advises. Be curious about your child’s state of mind. Ask your child to be as verbally precise as possible. Then, repeat back what your child says in her moment of sorrow or fear to demonstrate that you genuinely understand. Once they’ve expressed their heartache, try capturing their hurt in a one-sentence summary — like the editor who creates a headline for a story — and show empathy in return. “Listening attentively and then offering empathy shows them that they are doing exactly the right thing when they seek relief by finding a loving listener (that would be us!) and sharing what’s on their mind,” Damour writes. Above all, defy the temptation to jump in with creative solutions, as irresistible as that may seem.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For the teenager who resists face-to-face conversations, try other ways of inviting communication. Some children will respond to gentle text messages from parents. Others will be more talkative if they’re strapped into the back seat of the car, spared the awkwardness of direct eye contact. And if parents want their teenagers to talk, they might have to be around more often so that it can happen \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2023/02/21/teen-talks-night-parents/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">when the kids are conversational\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Though they can be mercurial and ornery, teenagers typically like their parents and feel safer when they know where the grown-ups are. Another way to invite emotional expression: Own up to your own mistakes. For example, if you’ve gossiped to a friend about something personal your child has shared with you, and he learns of it, correct your blunder the right way: Apologize for violating his confidence, explain why you did, take responsibility, vow never to blab again, offer to make amends and ask for forgiveness. Because emotional expression is so essential to adolescents’ (and adults’) well-being, parents need to safeguard their kids’ trust. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">After they’ve exhausted their efforts to spur expression, parents can help children learn to self-regulate. Suggest a distraction to interrupt unpleasant rumination. Offer them small comforts tailored to their preferences. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60543/what-parents-need-to-monitor-about-teens-sleep-beyond-the-hour-count\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Check in on their sleep habits\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and help them reclaim the eight to ten hours they need. When offering advice, tread lightly: Ask if it’s wanted and approach solutions jointly. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Some children experiencing protracted and irrational sadness and worry need more than a parent or guardian can provide. “I have so much empathy for parents who are trying to figure out if a meltdown is a sign of typical and expectable stress or a sign of a mental health concern,” Damour said. Adults would be wise to seek professional help if their adolescent’s feelings “don’t add up,” or they can’t manage them constructively, or they resort to risky coping strategies. But remember that zig-zagging, capacious feelings are not something to be avoided or feared. “Distress is part of life, and it certainly comes with the territory for teenagers,” she said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"As teens face a worsening mental health crisis, psychologist Lisa Damour advises parents on how to help young people learn to express and regulate emotions.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1682274038,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":13,"wordCount":1199},"headData":{"title":"What parents need to know about their teens’ mental health | KQED","description":"As teens face a worsening mental health crisis, psychologist Lisa Damour advises parents on how to help young people learn to express and regulate emotions.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"What parents need to know about their teens’ mental health","datePublished":"2023-03-08T11:00:22.000Z","dateModified":"2023-04-23T18:20:38.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Years ago, when I was still coaching high school cross country, a teenage girl skipped up to me after practice with a warning: Don’t count on her to race all the time. If her nerves got too intense before races, she might have to bow out in advance. “I have anxiety!” she explained with a nervous grin.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright wp-image-61195 size-thumbnail\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/EMOTIONAL-LIVES-OF-TEENAGERS-Cover-flat-160x242.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"242\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/EMOTIONAL-LIVES-OF-TEENAGERS-Cover-flat-160x242.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/EMOTIONAL-LIVES-OF-TEENAGERS-Cover-flat.jpg 298w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">I recalled this episode while reading psychologist and author \u003ca href=\"https://drlisadamour.com/bio/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Lisa Damour’s\u003c/a> refreshing new book, \u003ca href=\"https://drlisadamour.com/books/the-emotional-lives-of-teenagers/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">“The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents.”\u003c/a> Damour’s voice is forceful but comforting, and she uses it here to drive home her central point: Achieving mental health does not mean a life without unhappiness, anguish, anger, worry or self-doubt. Rather, these painful emotional states are an unavoidable feature of being human, especially for young people buzzing with hormones and adjusting to operatic moods prompted by recent rewiring of their brains. To best help their developing teenagers, parents should work to build their self-esteem and then guide them in learning how to express and manage these feelings. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_61194\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 160px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-61194 size-thumbnail\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-160x160.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"160\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-1020x1020.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174-1536x1536.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2023/03/DAMOUR-Headshot-Small-File-by-Downie-Photo-scaled-e1678251227174.jpg 1708w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lisa Damour \u003ccite>(Downie Photo/Courtesy of Lisa Damour)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Damour explains how we got to the point of considering unhappiness an aberration from some imaginary blissful norm. To start, advances in antidepressant medications made them safer and more attractive to the masses; she earnestly acknowledges that psychotropic medications improve and sometimes save lives. But prescriptions for Prozac and its medicinal brethren are as ubiquitous today as those for hypertension and cholesterol, making ordinary disappointment seem like a problem in need of a chemical solution. The mental wellness industry, too, \u003ca href=\"https://globalwellnessinstitute.org/industry-research/the-global-wellness-economy-looking-beyond-covid/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">worth about $131 billion globally\u003c/a>, sells the idea that feeling rotten is avoidable (if you purchase just the right eucalyptus oil or bath bomb). Finally, because \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61031/teen-girls-and-lgbtq-youth-plagued-by-violence-and-trauma-survey-says\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">adolescents are in fact gloomier today than they were just ten years ago\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, it’s harder for parents and kids to figure out what distinguishes a legitimate mental health crisis from everyday emotional discomfort.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">On this last point, Damour shares the findings of social psychologist Jonathan Haidt and psychology professor Jean Twenge who are \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://docs.google.com/document/d/1diMvsMeRphUH7E6D1d_J7R6WbDdgnzFHDHPx9HXzR5o/edit\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">sounding the alarm about youth mental health\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Just before the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, 44 percent of teenagers reported experiencing anxiety, up from 34 percent about ten years ago; 37 percent felt “persistently sad or hopeless”; 16 percent of teenagers said that they’d developed a suicide plan. Those self-reported findings were matched by increases in hospitalizations for self-harm and a surge in the number of completed suicides, mostly since 2012. New \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/data/yrbs/yrbs_data_summary_and_trends.htm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">findings\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> released by the CDC in February revealed that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61031/teen-girls-and-lgbtq-youth-plagued-by-violence-and-trauma-survey-says\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">girls and LGBTQ+ youth especially are floundering\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Whether from what Haidt calls the rise in “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61026/10-things-to-know-about-how-social-media-affects-teens-brains\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">phone-based childhoods\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">,” creeping \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60498/what-parents-should-know-about-eco-anxiety-and-its-impact-on-todays-teens\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">existential despair\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, or the effect of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60624/young-adults-are-struggling-with-their-mental-health-is-more-childhood-independence-the-answer\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">too little free and unstructured time\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> — and likely some combination of all these and more — adolescents are struggling today in ways that they weren’t just a decade ago. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">What’s a conscientious parent to do? “One of the most important things we can do for teenagers is help them distinguish between emotions that are uncomfortable (and) emotions that are unmanageable,” Damour told me. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Mothers and fathers should help their young children build authentic self-esteem by celebrating kids’ actions and avoiding effusive praise. Encourage girls and boys to be of service to others, not only to interrupt their solipsistic mindset, but also to reinforce their ability to make a difference. Next, urge them to develop an interest that’s unrelated to school or college applications, like cooking or knitting. Indulging an intrinsic interest is protective of kids’ feelings of self-worth. Finally, get going on these pursuits before a child reaches middle school, when even the healthiest child might falter. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The best thing parents can do after this is help their children learn both to express and regulate their emotions. Articulating painful feelings robs the feelings of their power, and learning how to manage them restores kids’ self-control.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">To encourage open expression, \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">listen\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, Damour advises. Be curious about your child’s state of mind. Ask your child to be as verbally precise as possible. Then, repeat back what your child says in her moment of sorrow or fear to demonstrate that you genuinely understand. Once they’ve expressed their heartache, try capturing their hurt in a one-sentence summary — like the editor who creates a headline for a story — and show empathy in return. “Listening attentively and then offering empathy shows them that they are doing exactly the right thing when they seek relief by finding a loving listener (that would be us!) and sharing what’s on their mind,” Damour writes. Above all, defy the temptation to jump in with creative solutions, as irresistible as that may seem.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For the teenager who resists face-to-face conversations, try other ways of inviting communication. Some children will respond to gentle text messages from parents. Others will be more talkative if they’re strapped into the back seat of the car, spared the awkwardness of direct eye contact. And if parents want their teenagers to talk, they might have to be around more often so that it can happen \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2023/02/21/teen-talks-night-parents/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">when the kids are conversational\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Though they can be mercurial and ornery, teenagers typically like their parents and feel safer when they know where the grown-ups are. Another way to invite emotional expression: Own up to your own mistakes. For example, if you’ve gossiped to a friend about something personal your child has shared with you, and he learns of it, correct your blunder the right way: Apologize for violating his confidence, explain why you did, take responsibility, vow never to blab again, offer to make amends and ask for forgiveness. Because emotional expression is so essential to adolescents’ (and adults’) well-being, parents need to safeguard their kids’ trust. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">After they’ve exhausted their efforts to spur expression, parents can help children learn to self-regulate. Suggest a distraction to interrupt unpleasant rumination. Offer them small comforts tailored to their preferences. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60543/what-parents-need-to-monitor-about-teens-sleep-beyond-the-hour-count\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Check in on their sleep habits\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and help them reclaim the eight to ten hours they need. When offering advice, tread lightly: Ask if it’s wanted and approach solutions jointly. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Some children experiencing protracted and irrational sadness and worry need more than a parent or guardian can provide. “I have so much empathy for parents who are trying to figure out if a meltdown is a sign of typical and expectable stress or a sign of a mental health concern,” Damour said. Adults would be wise to seek professional help if their adolescent’s feelings “don’t add up,” or they can’t manage them constructively, or they resort to risky coping strategies. But remember that zig-zagging, capacious feelings are not something to be avoided or feared. “Distress is part of life, and it certainly comes with the territory for teenagers,” she said.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/61186/what-parents-need-to-know-about-their-teens-mental-health","authors":["4613"],"categories":["mindshift_21445","mindshift_21345","mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20589","mindshift_21070","mindshift_21157","mindshift_20865","mindshift_20696","mindshift_20884","mindshift_1038"],"featImg":"mindshift_61188","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_59266":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_59266","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"59266","score":null,"sort":[1649315639000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-to-help-kids-and-teens-process-bittersweet-feelings","title":"How to help kids and teens process bittersweet feelings","publishDate":1649315639,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>When kids and teens experience challenges or loss, they often feel pressure to hide their struggles or show their strength by quickly bouncing back. Susan Cain wrote about the unexpected benefits of sadness and how to help kids understand that all emotions are part of the normal human experience in her book “\u003ca href=\"https://susancain.net/book/bittersweet/\">Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make us Whole.\u003c/a>” She previously wrote \"Quiet: \u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8520610-quiet\">The Power of Introverts\u003c/a> in a World That Can't Stop Talking.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kris: In the first section of your book, you describe some of the “uses of sadness,” from sharpening our attention to stimulating creativity. I really love this line, “If we could honor sadness a little more, maybe we could see it – rather than enforced smiles or righteous outrage – as the bridge we need to connect with one another.” What do you mean by that and what’s its application to raising kids?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cain: None of us wants to see our kids sad, of course. At the same time, it is a deeply human experience. So telegraphing to our kids that they shouldn't feel sad is not only not helpful, but it makes them feel shame on top of whatever they're feeling sad about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But in terms of honoring sadness as a bridge, we are deeply evolutionarily primed to respond to each other's sadness. When you see another being in trouble or crying, your vagus nerve reacts to that. This instinct to feel bad when we see somebody else feeling bad – and to want to do something about it – is as much a part of humanity as our need to breathe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kris: For teens, the pressure to bounce back quickly and show that something didn’t really affect them can be intense. You write about the distinction between “moving on” and “moving forward.” Can you talk about that?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cain: The phrases “move on” or “get over it” are basically saying, “It's not okay for you to carry your loss for very long. Sure, it's okay to be sad on the day of the loss. And maybe it's okay the day after that. But there's a point at which we are going to expect you to get over it. It should no longer be part of you. Go back to your pre-loss self.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://susancain.net/book/bittersweet/\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-59273\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-160x243.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"243\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-160x243.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-800x1216.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-1020x1551.jpeg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-768x1168.jpeg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-1010x1536.jpeg 1010w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-1347x2048.jpeg 1347w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1.jpeg 1684w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003c/a>But there’s another path: you can move forward with your life and carry that loss with you. You can still feel sad sometimes while also integrating new experiences and having new joys. It all becomes part of you. So instead of saying, “Okay, I've got to get from sad back to happy as fast as I can,” you realize life is just a collection of experiences that shape you and you're carrying them all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kris: While reading your book, I wrote in the margins this phrase from Dr. Susan David: “Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility.” As adults, we sometimes struggle with how to talk to kids about the fragile side of life – and put a premium on shielding them from pain and discomfort. What are some of your thoughts about this?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cain: I think we inadvertently teach kids, especially those growing up in relative comfort, that “normal” means everything is sky high and flourishing. But the smooth road is not the default; it's the detour. Unexpected twists and turns are actually the main road. When life seems to go off path, kids need to know that it doesn’t mean something is wrong with them or with their experiences. It's incredibly comforting for children to know that life is made up of bittersweet. The question then becomes, how do you navigate it? Challenges can become an opportunity for them to learn – while still under the loving guidance of their parents – that this is part of what life is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When my kids were little, we rented a house in the countryside that was right next to a field where two donkeys lived – Lucky and Norman. The kids and the donkeys absolutely fell in love with each other. They spent their whole week feeding the donkeys apples and carrots. And then as always happens with any summer romance, it had to come to an end. The kids were crying themselves to sleep at the thought of having to say goodbye to Lucky and Norman. We said all kinds of things to help them feel better. But what gave them the most comfort was when we said, “These kinds of goodbyes are a natural part of life. It's not the first time you're saying them, and it's not going to be the last time. Everybody has to say these kinds of goodbyes. It's natural.” It helped them to hear that the feelings they were having were normal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kris: Just last night, my eight-year-old son called me into his room in tears at 10 pm and said, \"I don’t want to fall asleep because once I do, vacation’s over.\" It strikes me that these small transitions can be a fertile time for parents and teachers to help kids think about the beauty in the bittersweet.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cain: Absolutely. Because transitions are mini goodbyes, right? They're an expression of the final goodbye that we all face eventually. We don't know that when we're getting upset about the transition, but that's really what's happening. And so every time you can walk your child through the discomfort of transitions and the pain of the mini goodbye – whether it's the last day of camp or the last day of vacation – those are prime learning moments.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I quote a poem in the book by Gerard Manley Hopkin called “Spring and Fall.” And it's written by the poet to a little girl who is crying because the leaves are falling and she doesn't want the leaves to go away. She doesn't want winter to come. And he says, “Márgarét, áre you gríeving/Over Goldengrove unleaving?” And then later he says, “It's the blight that man was born for/It is Margaret you mourn for.”\u003cbr>\nI can't say those lines without shivers because of the wisdom and the empathy of that insight: Margaret doesn't know it yet; she's crying over the fact that life is impermanent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But here’s the thing that's also true about that impermanence: it can be so painful, but it's also so intensely beautiful. The beauty of impermanence might be the greatest beauty we have – and all humans experience it. There's something about knowing that we're all in this crazy, beautiful, intensely imperfect experience together that is very uplifting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kris: Let’s talk about the idea of “effortless perfection.”\u003cbr>\n\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nCain: I sat down with a group of students at Princeton and asked them, “What is your life like, really?” Literally two minutes into the conversation, they start talking to me about this phenomenon they call effortless perfection, which is this intense pressure that they all feel to be effortlessly perfect – to be very fit, very good looking, to have great grades, to be socially adept, all this stuff. And not only to achieve all those things, but to look as if you didn't have to try and it all came to you naturally.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And this isn't just at Princeton. This is a phenomenon at schools all over the country. Kids are living in a culture where whatever is plaguing them seems wrong – and that they are wrong for feeling it – instead of being viewed as just a normal part of experience.\u003cbr>\nSo what we're really talking about is the normalization of experience. That the sweet is normal and the bitter is normal. We should expect that. The paradox is that the more we expect that and accept it, the more we have the emotional power to transform the bitter into sweet and to take the pain that we have and turn it into beauty in one form or another.\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Understanding the upside of sadness can help kids better cope with sadness and moments that pass. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1649315870,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":18,"wordCount":1410},"headData":{"title":"How to help kids and teens process bittersweet feelings - MindShift","description":"Understanding the upside of sadness can help kids better cope with sadness and moments that pass. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How to help kids and teens process bittersweet feelings","datePublished":"2022-04-07T07:13:59.000Z","dateModified":"2022-04-07T07:17:50.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"59266 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=59266","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2022/04/07/how-to-help-kids-and-teens-process-bittersweet-feelings/","disqusTitle":"How to help kids and teens process bittersweet feelings","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","path":"/mindshift/59266/how-to-help-kids-and-teens-process-bittersweet-feelings","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>When kids and teens experience challenges or loss, they often feel pressure to hide their struggles or show their strength by quickly bouncing back. Susan Cain wrote about the unexpected benefits of sadness and how to help kids understand that all emotions are part of the normal human experience in her book “\u003ca href=\"https://susancain.net/book/bittersweet/\">Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make us Whole.\u003c/a>” She previously wrote \"Quiet: \u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8520610-quiet\">The Power of Introverts\u003c/a> in a World That Can't Stop Talking.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kris: In the first section of your book, you describe some of the “uses of sadness,” from sharpening our attention to stimulating creativity. I really love this line, “If we could honor sadness a little more, maybe we could see it – rather than enforced smiles or righteous outrage – as the bridge we need to connect with one another.” What do you mean by that and what’s its application to raising kids?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cain: None of us wants to see our kids sad, of course. At the same time, it is a deeply human experience. So telegraphing to our kids that they shouldn't feel sad is not only not helpful, but it makes them feel shame on top of whatever they're feeling sad about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But in terms of honoring sadness as a bridge, we are deeply evolutionarily primed to respond to each other's sadness. When you see another being in trouble or crying, your vagus nerve reacts to that. This instinct to feel bad when we see somebody else feeling bad – and to want to do something about it – is as much a part of humanity as our need to breathe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kris: For teens, the pressure to bounce back quickly and show that something didn’t really affect them can be intense. You write about the distinction between “moving on” and “moving forward.” Can you talk about that?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cain: The phrases “move on” or “get over it” are basically saying, “It's not okay for you to carry your loss for very long. Sure, it's okay to be sad on the day of the loss. And maybe it's okay the day after that. But there's a point at which we are going to expect you to get over it. It should no longer be part of you. Go back to your pre-loss self.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://susancain.net/book/bittersweet/\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-59273\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-160x243.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"243\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-160x243.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-800x1216.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-1020x1551.jpeg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-768x1168.jpeg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-1010x1536.jpeg 1010w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1-1347x2048.jpeg 1347w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2022/04/bittersweet-2d-cover-scaled-1.jpeg 1684w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003c/a>But there’s another path: you can move forward with your life and carry that loss with you. You can still feel sad sometimes while also integrating new experiences and having new joys. It all becomes part of you. So instead of saying, “Okay, I've got to get from sad back to happy as fast as I can,” you realize life is just a collection of experiences that shape you and you're carrying them all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kris: While reading your book, I wrote in the margins this phrase from Dr. Susan David: “Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility.” As adults, we sometimes struggle with how to talk to kids about the fragile side of life – and put a premium on shielding them from pain and discomfort. What are some of your thoughts about this?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cain: I think we inadvertently teach kids, especially those growing up in relative comfort, that “normal” means everything is sky high and flourishing. But the smooth road is not the default; it's the detour. Unexpected twists and turns are actually the main road. When life seems to go off path, kids need to know that it doesn’t mean something is wrong with them or with their experiences. It's incredibly comforting for children to know that life is made up of bittersweet. The question then becomes, how do you navigate it? Challenges can become an opportunity for them to learn – while still under the loving guidance of their parents – that this is part of what life is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When my kids were little, we rented a house in the countryside that was right next to a field where two donkeys lived – Lucky and Norman. The kids and the donkeys absolutely fell in love with each other. They spent their whole week feeding the donkeys apples and carrots. And then as always happens with any summer romance, it had to come to an end. The kids were crying themselves to sleep at the thought of having to say goodbye to Lucky and Norman. We said all kinds of things to help them feel better. But what gave them the most comfort was when we said, “These kinds of goodbyes are a natural part of life. It's not the first time you're saying them, and it's not going to be the last time. Everybody has to say these kinds of goodbyes. It's natural.” It helped them to hear that the feelings they were having were normal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kris: Just last night, my eight-year-old son called me into his room in tears at 10 pm and said, \"I don’t want to fall asleep because once I do, vacation’s over.\" It strikes me that these small transitions can be a fertile time for parents and teachers to help kids think about the beauty in the bittersweet.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cain: Absolutely. Because transitions are mini goodbyes, right? They're an expression of the final goodbye that we all face eventually. We don't know that when we're getting upset about the transition, but that's really what's happening. And so every time you can walk your child through the discomfort of transitions and the pain of the mini goodbye – whether it's the last day of camp or the last day of vacation – those are prime learning moments.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I quote a poem in the book by Gerard Manley Hopkin called “Spring and Fall.” And it's written by the poet to a little girl who is crying because the leaves are falling and she doesn't want the leaves to go away. She doesn't want winter to come. And he says, “Márgarét, áre you gríeving/Over Goldengrove unleaving?” And then later he says, “It's the blight that man was born for/It is Margaret you mourn for.”\u003cbr>\nI can't say those lines without shivers because of the wisdom and the empathy of that insight: Margaret doesn't know it yet; she's crying over the fact that life is impermanent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But here’s the thing that's also true about that impermanence: it can be so painful, but it's also so intensely beautiful. The beauty of impermanence might be the greatest beauty we have – and all humans experience it. There's something about knowing that we're all in this crazy, beautiful, intensely imperfect experience together that is very uplifting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kris: Let’s talk about the idea of “effortless perfection.”\u003cbr>\n\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nCain: I sat down with a group of students at Princeton and asked them, “What is your life like, really?” Literally two minutes into the conversation, they start talking to me about this phenomenon they call effortless perfection, which is this intense pressure that they all feel to be effortlessly perfect – to be very fit, very good looking, to have great grades, to be socially adept, all this stuff. And not only to achieve all those things, but to look as if you didn't have to try and it all came to you naturally.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And this isn't just at Princeton. This is a phenomenon at schools all over the country. Kids are living in a culture where whatever is plaguing them seems wrong – and that they are wrong for feeling it – instead of being viewed as just a normal part of experience.\u003cbr>\nSo what we're really talking about is the normalization of experience. That the sweet is normal and the bitter is normal. We should expect that. The paradox is that the more we expect that and accept it, the more we have the emotional power to transform the bitter into sweet and to take the pain that we have and turn it into beauty in one form or another.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/59266/how-to-help-kids-and-teens-process-bittersweet-feelings","authors":["11087"],"categories":["mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21071","mindshift_21157","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_59268","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_58790":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_58790","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"58790","score":null,"sort":[1645086954000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"why-kindness-and-emotional-literacy-matters-in-raising-kids","title":"Why kindness and emotional literacy matter in raising kids","publishDate":1645086954,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">America is facing a “crisis of kindness,” according to science journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer, citing some of the harsh messages kids are exposed to, whether parents like it or not. In order to help children have the tools to navigate a sometimes unkind world, Moyer went in search of ways to counteract the forces that drag us down. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When we consciously raise our kids to be kind, she argues, we ensure that they will thrive – and that “they’ll build a better, fairer, stronger world in the process,” said Moyer, who wrote about her discoveries in her book, \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Raise-Kids-Arent-Assholes-Parenting/dp/0593086937\">“How To Raise Kids Who Aren’t A**holes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting\u003c/a>.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>The Link Between Kindness and Emotional Literacy\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If we want to raise kind kids, we have to attend to their emotional development. “I was really surprised by the research on this,” said Moyer. “Over and over again, I saw studies that pointed out that just talking about feelings – allowing kids to have their feelings – is an important foundation for the development of generosity.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional self-awareness is a building block for empathy, as is talking with kids about the link between their actions and another person’s reactions. “In order to be kind and helpful to someone else, you have to first be able to perceive what another person is feeling – and how what you do can directly affect another person’s state of mind,” said Moyer. “Help kids understand that there is a direct connection between what we do and what other people feel.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This practical empathy can help kids avoid hurting others, and it can also help them reach out proactively. For children, this might look like pausing to think: ‘My friend seems sad. Maybe there’s something I can do to help them not feel as sad.’”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Research points to the efficacy of a disciplinary approach known as induction, in which caregivers explain how children’s actions affect other people. As Moyer explains, it’s the difference between saying, “Don’t hit” and saying “Hitting isn’t okay because it hurts your brother, and that’s why he’s sad right now”; or between “pick up your Legos” and “Please pick up your Legos because otherwise I’m going to step on one and it’s really going to hurt.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When parents and teachers simply say “don’t do that,” we miss an opportunity to help kids connect the dots. “Why are we asking them to stop? When we take the extra beat and link what they have done, or not done, with how it affects you or another person, it really helps them understand the rationale for your request,” said Moyer. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In fact, according to studies Moyer cites, children whose parents use induction as a form of discipline are more generous and empathetic than children whose parents use power-assertive strategies such as punishments. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>The Chores-Kindness Connection\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many parents will be pleased to learn that engaging in chores doesn’t just build useful skills – it also builds kindness. “There is a strong link between doing things that are good for the whole family and the development of generous behavior,” said Moyer. “When I ask my kids to help clear the table, I might say, ‘This is really helping me and dad out because we have a lot going on. You're making our house look nicer, and you're making it so that we have clean dishes for breakfast tomorrow. So it's really helpful for the entire family.\" \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While adults may feel that statements like this are pointing out the obvious, we have to remember that kids are at different stages of their development – and that kindness is a character trait that takes both practice and intellectual understanding. “Sometimes, as parents, we expect and assume that our kids understand things that we haven’t made explicit,” said Moyer. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Additionally, speaking to children about their influence on the family is a sign of respect. According to Moyer, it tells them, “You really matter. What you do really affects others. Your actions are powerful and can be used in very, very good ways.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Kindness, Bullying, and Upstanding\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When parents regularly talk with kids about what kindness looks like and how their actions affect others, they raise kids who are less likely to bully and more likely to stand up for others.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Parents often underestimate their child’s capacity to be mean. For example, in one study out of the University of New Hampshire, 31 percent of fifth graders admitted to teasing or picking on other kids. But only 11 percent of parents believed their child engaged in such activity – including only two percent of the parents whose children admitted to teasing. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“There’s this bias in the way we perceive our kids,” said Moyer, “We are always worried about what other kids are going to do to our kids, rather than what our kids might do to other kids.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It’s helpful for parents and educators to recognize that bullying is a continuum and that a child’s role may vary from day to day – from aggressor, to bystander, to target. Even the kindest child might laugh along to a mean joke one day. This grey area highlights the need for clear, open conversations about what bullying is, the many forms it takes, and why it’s not okay for them to engage in this behavior. “We assume that kids know what bullying is and what it looks like, but the research suggests that there are lots of kids who just don’t get how teasing someone makes that person feel.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course, raising kids who don’t bully is a minimum standard. We also want to help our children be the type of people who stand up for others. According to one study, fourth and fifth graders whose parents gave them clear advice about what to do when they witnessed bullying were much more likely than other kids to reach out and support bullying victims. “Kids do actually listen to their parents,” said Moyer. “Having these conversations changes how our kids behave and the choices they make at school.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So what should our kids do if they see another child being picked on? Teach them to reach out with kindness to targets – to sit with them at lunch, invite them to play at recess, or even just stand near them in a warm manner. In surveys, children who have been bullied report that “the most helpful thing that other kids did after they've been bullied was to listen to them and to spend time with them,” said Moyer. “If your child feels courageous enough to say something to the bully, that's great. But if they don't, there's still so much they can do to be supportive.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finally, Moyer reminds parents that children are incredible observers of adult behavior. “Your kids are watching what you're doing. They're watching how you interact with your friends and how you talk about and treat your partner.” When you do make a mistake or say something unkind – as we all do at times – that can also be a teachable moment.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“When I lose my temper, I will use that as a conversation starter later and say, ‘Gosh. I got really angry there. And I think I should've taken some deep breaths before I said what I said',\" she explained. \"And sometimes I ask my kids, ‘What do you think I could have done better in that situation?’ It’s all about modeling what you want to see, while also showing that you're still growing and learning from your mistakes. We're all human and that's okay.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"When adults can explain to children how our actions affect other people, it can help kids develop the emotional literacy needed to be kind and empathic, creating more understanding than a punishment would accomplish. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1645086986,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":21,"wordCount":1400},"headData":{"title":"Why kindness and emotional literacy matter in raising kids - MindShift","description":"When adults can explain to children how our actions affect other people, it can help kids develop the emotional literacy needed to be kind and empathic, creating more understanding than a punishment would accomplish.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Why kindness and emotional literacy matter in raising kids","datePublished":"2022-02-17T08:35:54.000Z","dateModified":"2022-02-17T08:36:26.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"58790 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=58790","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2022/02/17/why-kindness-and-emotional-literacy-matters-in-raising-kids/","disqusTitle":"Why kindness and emotional literacy matter in raising kids","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","path":"/mindshift/58790/why-kindness-and-emotional-literacy-matters-in-raising-kids","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">America is facing a “crisis of kindness,” according to science journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer, citing some of the harsh messages kids are exposed to, whether parents like it or not. In order to help children have the tools to navigate a sometimes unkind world, Moyer went in search of ways to counteract the forces that drag us down. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When we consciously raise our kids to be kind, she argues, we ensure that they will thrive – and that “they’ll build a better, fairer, stronger world in the process,” said Moyer, who wrote about her discoveries in her book, \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Raise-Kids-Arent-Assholes-Parenting/dp/0593086937\">“How To Raise Kids Who Aren’t A**holes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting\u003c/a>.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>The Link Between Kindness and Emotional Literacy\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If we want to raise kind kids, we have to attend to their emotional development. “I was really surprised by the research on this,” said Moyer. “Over and over again, I saw studies that pointed out that just talking about feelings – allowing kids to have their feelings – is an important foundation for the development of generosity.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional self-awareness is a building block for empathy, as is talking with kids about the link between their actions and another person’s reactions. “In order to be kind and helpful to someone else, you have to first be able to perceive what another person is feeling – and how what you do can directly affect another person’s state of mind,” said Moyer. “Help kids understand that there is a direct connection between what we do and what other people feel.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This practical empathy can help kids avoid hurting others, and it can also help them reach out proactively. For children, this might look like pausing to think: ‘My friend seems sad. Maybe there’s something I can do to help them not feel as sad.’”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Research points to the efficacy of a disciplinary approach known as induction, in which caregivers explain how children’s actions affect other people. As Moyer explains, it’s the difference between saying, “Don’t hit” and saying “Hitting isn’t okay because it hurts your brother, and that’s why he’s sad right now”; or between “pick up your Legos” and “Please pick up your Legos because otherwise I’m going to step on one and it’s really going to hurt.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When parents and teachers simply say “don’t do that,” we miss an opportunity to help kids connect the dots. “Why are we asking them to stop? When we take the extra beat and link what they have done, or not done, with how it affects you or another person, it really helps them understand the rationale for your request,” said Moyer. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In fact, according to studies Moyer cites, children whose parents use induction as a form of discipline are more generous and empathetic than children whose parents use power-assertive strategies such as punishments. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>The Chores-Kindness Connection\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many parents will be pleased to learn that engaging in chores doesn’t just build useful skills – it also builds kindness. “There is a strong link between doing things that are good for the whole family and the development of generous behavior,” said Moyer. “When I ask my kids to help clear the table, I might say, ‘This is really helping me and dad out because we have a lot going on. You're making our house look nicer, and you're making it so that we have clean dishes for breakfast tomorrow. So it's really helpful for the entire family.\" \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While adults may feel that statements like this are pointing out the obvious, we have to remember that kids are at different stages of their development – and that kindness is a character trait that takes both practice and intellectual understanding. “Sometimes, as parents, we expect and assume that our kids understand things that we haven’t made explicit,” said Moyer. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Additionally, speaking to children about their influence on the family is a sign of respect. According to Moyer, it tells them, “You really matter. What you do really affects others. Your actions are powerful and can be used in very, very good ways.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Kindness, Bullying, and Upstanding\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When parents regularly talk with kids about what kindness looks like and how their actions affect others, they raise kids who are less likely to bully and more likely to stand up for others.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Parents often underestimate their child’s capacity to be mean. For example, in one study out of the University of New Hampshire, 31 percent of fifth graders admitted to teasing or picking on other kids. But only 11 percent of parents believed their child engaged in such activity – including only two percent of the parents whose children admitted to teasing. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“There’s this bias in the way we perceive our kids,” said Moyer, “We are always worried about what other kids are going to do to our kids, rather than what our kids might do to other kids.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It’s helpful for parents and educators to recognize that bullying is a continuum and that a child’s role may vary from day to day – from aggressor, to bystander, to target. Even the kindest child might laugh along to a mean joke one day. This grey area highlights the need for clear, open conversations about what bullying is, the many forms it takes, and why it’s not okay for them to engage in this behavior. “We assume that kids know what bullying is and what it looks like, but the research suggests that there are lots of kids who just don’t get how teasing someone makes that person feel.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course, raising kids who don’t bully is a minimum standard. We also want to help our children be the type of people who stand up for others. According to one study, fourth and fifth graders whose parents gave them clear advice about what to do when they witnessed bullying were much more likely than other kids to reach out and support bullying victims. “Kids do actually listen to their parents,” said Moyer. “Having these conversations changes how our kids behave and the choices they make at school.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So what should our kids do if they see another child being picked on? Teach them to reach out with kindness to targets – to sit with them at lunch, invite them to play at recess, or even just stand near them in a warm manner. In surveys, children who have been bullied report that “the most helpful thing that other kids did after they've been bullied was to listen to them and to spend time with them,” said Moyer. “If your child feels courageous enough to say something to the bully, that's great. But if they don't, there's still so much they can do to be supportive.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finally, Moyer reminds parents that children are incredible observers of adult behavior. “Your kids are watching what you're doing. They're watching how you interact with your friends and how you talk about and treat your partner.” When you do make a mistake or say something unkind – as we all do at times – that can also be a teachable moment.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“When I lose my temper, I will use that as a conversation starter later and say, ‘Gosh. I got really angry there. And I think I should've taken some deep breaths before I said what I said',\" she explained. \"And sometimes I ask my kids, ‘What do you think I could have done better in that situation?’ It’s all about modeling what you want to see, while also showing that you're still growing and learning from your mistakes. We're all human and that's okay.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/58790/why-kindness-and-emotional-literacy-matters-in-raising-kids","authors":["11087"],"categories":["mindshift_21385"],"tags":["mindshift_21157","mindshift_21464","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_58795","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_58064":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_58064","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"58064","score":null,"sort":[1625037278000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"cultivating-joy-takes-work-3-ways-to-turn-happiness-into-a-habit","title":"Cultivating Joy Takes Work: 3 Ways to Turn Happiness Into a Habit","publishDate":1625037278,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>Back in the fall, Michelle Shiota noticed she wasn't feeling like herself. Her mind felt trapped. \"I don't know if you've ever worn a corset, but I had this very tight, straining feeling in my mind,\" she says. \"My mind had shrunk.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://psychology.asu.edu/content/michelle-shiota\">Shiota\u003c/a> is a psychologist at Arizona State University and an expert on emotions. When the COVID-19 crisis struck, she began working from home and doing one activity, over and over again, all day long.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I will be honest, for the past 14 months, I have spent most of my waking hours looking at a screen, either my laptop, my phone or a TV screen,\" she says, often from the same sofa, in the same room in her San Francisco home. All that isolation — and screen time — had taken a toll on Shiota.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>During the pandemic, many people have felt their mental health decline. The problem has hit essential workers and young adults, ages 18 to 24, the worst, the Kaiser Family Foundation \u003ca href=\"https://www.kff.org/statedata/mental-health-and-substance-use-state-fact-sheets/\">reported\u003c/a> in May. The percentage of adults with signs of anxiety or depression has grown threefold, from about 10% to 30%.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although some people are starting to test the waters of public life again, planning vacations and socializing more, others may still have lingering signs of what psychologists call languishing. They may feel an emptiness or dissatisfaction in day-to-day life. Or feel like they're stuck in weariness or stagnation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Luckily, an emerging area of brain science has a new way to help lift yourself out of languishing — and bring more joy into your life. It worked for Shiota.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I had to expand my consciousness,\" she says. And she did it by intentionally cultivating a particular emotion.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Explore ways to cultivate well-being with \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://apps.npr.org/joy-generator/#story=intro&page=0\">\u003cem>NPR's Joy Generator\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>How emotions arise\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>For thousands of years, there's been a common belief in Western culture about emotions — that they are hard-wired and reflexive, psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett writes in the book \u003cem>How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain\u003c/em>. \"When something happens in the world ... our emotions come on fast and uncontrollable, as if somebody flipped a switch,\" she writes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But when researchers look at what's going on inside the brain and inside the body during specific emotional states, the theory doesn't hold up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the past decade, neuroscientists \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5785564/\">have begun to shift \u003c/a>how they think emotions arise. Rather than being inevitable, hard-coded experiences, researchers now think emotions are malleable, and people have more influence over them than previously thought.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Say for example, you're walking in the woods, and you see a grizzly bear, says neuroscientist \u003ca href=\"https://www.anilseth.com/\">Anil Seth\u003c/a> at the University of Sussex. \"You recognize it's a bear,\" he says, \"and then what happens?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Previously researchers thought the emotion comes first. \"You see a bear and then you feel afraid,\" Seth says. \"Because you're afraid, your brain then jacks up your adrenaline levels.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Your heart rate rises. Your breath quickens. Your pupils dilate. And blood rushes to your skeletal muscles. The old theory was that \"the fear sets in train all kinds of flight and fight responses so that you are well-prepared to run away and live another day,\" he adds. In other words, the emotion (i.e., fear) triggers the physiological responses (i.e., an adrenaline rush).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But according to the latest research, the human body probably works the other way around, Seth says. \"The brain registers a grizzly bear, and that perception sets in train all the physiological responses.\" You get an adrenaline rush. Your heart rate goes up. You start breathing faster. Blood rushes to your muscles. And \u003cem>then \u003c/em>the emotion comes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The brain senses these physiological changes and decides which emotion to conjure up. The emotion is an interpretation of what's going on both inside the body (the adrenaline rush) and the outside of the body (the sight of the bear). \"The brain has to figure out what caused the sensory signals,\" Seth says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The chosen emotion not only helps the brain make sense of these signals, but it also helps the brain predict better the immediate future and how to handle the situation at hand. Which emotion would be most useful? Which emotion will help me survive?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To figure that all out, Seth says, the brain uses one more piece of information — and this part is key. The brain takes into account your past experiences, your memories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Let's return back to that encounter with the grizzly bear. If your past experiences with bears come largely through news reports of attacks and maulings, then your brain will likely interpret your bodily sensations — raised heart rate, raised blood pressure, sweaty palms — as fear. Lots of fear! And this emotion will help drive you away from the bear. \"So you can live another day,\" Seth says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But what if your family hunts for a living? And your past encounters with a bear ended in a wonderful feast for you and your neighbors. Then your brain may interpret the adrenaline rush — the heavy breathing and raised heart rate — as excitement. This positive emotion will help drive you forward toward the bear, while all the physiological changes help you bring home dinner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Your brain uses memories from the past in order to create the present,\" says Barrett, who also does neuroscience research. \"It's bringing knowledge from the past to make sense of the immediate future, which then becomes your present.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Neuroscientists call this \"the predictive brain.\" Understanding how these predictions work is \"very powerful knowledge,\" Barrett says. It means that emotions aren't hard-wired reactions to particular situations, which are out of your control (i.e., you see a bear and therefore you must feel afraid). But rather it's the opposite. \"You can, in fact, modify what you feel in very direct ways,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Emotional muscle memory\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>It's not about trying to force a happier or less fearful feeling in the moment, Barrett says. But rather, it's all about planning ahead. You can stack the deck in favor of your brain, choosing positive, uplifting emotions in two major ways, she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The first one is a no-brainer: You can take care of your body physically. According to this new theory, the brain constructs emotions based largely on physiological signals and other sensations from your body. So by boosting your physical health, you can decrease the chance your body will send unpleasant signals to your brain and, in turn, increase the chance, your brain will construct positive emotions instead of negative ones. \"You can get more sleep. You can eat properly and exercise,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The second approach to influencing your emotions may be less familiar but likely just as impactful: You can \"cultivate\" the emotions you want to have in the future.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"If you know that your brain uses your past in order to make sense [of] and create the present, then you can practice cultivating [positive] emotions today so that your brain can automatically use that knowledge when it's making emotions tomorrow,\" Barrett says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By practicing particular emotions, you can \"rewire\" your brain, she says. \"Your brain grows new connections that make it easier for you to automatically cultivate these emotions in the future.\" So when you start to feel a negative emotion, such as sadness or frustration, you can more easily swap that negative feeling for a positive one, such as awe or gratitude.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"For example, when I am video chatting with somebody in China, I can feel irritated very easily when the connection isn't very good,\" Barrett says. \"Or I can feel awe at the fact that someone can be halfway around the world, and I can see their face and hear their voice, even if it is imperfect, and I can be grateful for that ability.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In this way, emotions are a bit like muscle memory. If you practice the finger patterns for a chord on the piano, a few minutes each day, eventually your fingers can play those chords with little thought. The chords become second nature.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The same goes for emotions. To help pull out of the pandemic blues, it's time to start \"practicing\" positive emotions — and it won't take as much as learning all the chords.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All you need is about five to 10 minutes, says psychologist \u003ca href=\"https://faculty.sites.uci.edu/bcampos/\">Belinda Campos\u003c/a> at the University of California, Irvine. \"Hopefully it wouldn't take people as much effort as it does to eat healthier or to exercise,\" she says. \"Positive emotions feel good. I think people will find them rewarding enough to return to them and keep doing them.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Scientists say this practice is helpful to prevent or work with everyday doldrums and weariness. It isn't intended as a replacement for treatments, such as counseling and medication, for serious mood disorders or anyone going through intense or prolonged bouts of depression.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>The antidote to isolation\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>A few decades ago, scientists used to lump together all kinds of positive emotions into one concept: happiness. Since then, a group of psychologists, including Campos and Shiota, figured that there is a whole \"family tree\" of positive emotions, including pride, nurturant love, contentment, nostalgia, flow, gratitude and awe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One reason these emotions often make us feel good is they shift our focus away from the self — that is \"me and my problems\" — and onto others, Campos says. \"They help put the self in its balanced place, of not being absolutely the highest thing on the to-do list. They help us focus on the joys that relationships can bring.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She adds, \"In this way, positive emotions are part of what helps you to put others before the self.\" And helping others often makes people feel good. \"So, for example, people report levels of higher well-being when they're giving to others, and it can feel better to be on the giving end rather than the receiving end,\" she says. \"I think that's more evidence that focusing on others can be really good for us.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The idea of cultivating positive emotions is pretty simple. Choose one of these emotions and then do a specific action regularly that helps evoke it. Psychologists have devised \u003ca href=\"https://ggia.berkeley.edu/#filters=parenting\">suggestions\u003c/a> for how to get started, but it can be as simple as taking time to notice and appreciate the small things around you that uplift you. \u003cem>(Read three tips to get started at the end of this piece.)\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over time, your brain will start to use these emotions more often — and turn to negative emotions less frequently.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Take, for instance, \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/12/24/678232331/if-you-feel-thankful-write-it-down-its-good-for-your-health\">gratitude\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the past year and a half, Dr. Sriram Shamasunder has been on the front lines of the COVID-19 pandemic. Shamasunder is a physician at the University of California, San Francisco, and he spends about half his time in low-income communities around the world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To help bring more \"light\" into his life, Shamasunder started to keep a gratitude journal. It was part of a project for the \u003ca href=\"https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/?_ga=2.64388524.2010216342.1623123517-2094821597.1619587087\">Greater Good Science Center\u003c/a> at the University of California, Berkeley.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each day, Shamasunder simply jotted down things around him for which he was grateful. \"So not necessarily spending a whole lot of time racking my mind, but just everyday occurrences that were powerful or meaningful or just simple and beautiful,\" Shamasunder \u003ca href=\"https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/podcasts/item/finding_strength_through_gratitude\">told\u003c/a> \u003cem>The Science of Happiness\u003c/em> podcast. He jotted down the doctors and nurses working on Sunday, \"the unseen hands who created a vaccine,\" \"the evening light, magical and orange and blue,\" and a tree outside that provides refuge to birds, ants and squirrels.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By intentionally cultivating gratitude, for even a short period each day, Shamasunder found it easier to evoke positive feelings throughout the day. \"The act of naming the gratitudes carried into the next day and the next, where I became more aware of things in my life that I should cherish in the moment, or I need to cherish.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>An awe a day keeps the malaise away\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Back in the fall, when Shiota, the Arizona State psychologist, felt her mind shrinking, she knew exactly which emotion she needed to cultivate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She got up off the couch, drove West from her San Francisco home and ended up at the edge of the ocean. \"I am trying to reconnect with the vast natural world, with the universe beyond my professional and personal responsibilities, and beyond this moment in time,\" Shiota \u003ca href=\"https://nyaspubs.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/nyas.14588?af=R\">writes\u003c/a> in the \u003cem>Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences\u003c/em>. \"I am searching for awe.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shiota is a world expert on awe. She says the emotion is difficult to define, \"but I think that what we are dealing with is a change that happens in our mind — and in our bodies and in our feelings — when we encounter something so extraordinary that we can't explain it.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That encounter can be with something grand, such as a panoramic view of a red sun dipping into the Pacific Ocean. It can be with something minuscule, such as the black spots on a ladybug. (How did they get so perfectly round?) It can be a scent, a taste or sound. \"It can be a very complex and powerful song that you've never heard before or even a scene in a TV show,\" Shiota says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whatever it is, the extraordinariness of the event makes you pause, for a bit, Shiota says, and try to figure it out. How does a rose smell like a lemon? Why does a perfectly ripened peach taste so good? \"We simply slow down our body, slow down,\" Shiota says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And this pause calms your body. \"I've found evidence that the activation of our fight-flight sympathetic nervous system dials back a little bit.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The feeling of awe also widens your perspective, she says — which Shiota desperately needed after spending so much time looking at screens. \"I had to consciously force myself to look further away. I had to let my senses — my sight, my sound, take in a broader scope of what was going on around me.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In addition to going to the beach, Shiota also simply walked around her neighborhood, looking for unexpected and inspiring things.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There was this amazingly elaborate, chalk drawing in recognition of somebody's birthday. There was a couple, in which one person was clearly helping the other learn to roller-skate on the San Francisco hills. And they're clinging on to each other for dear life,\" she says with a chuckle. \"Then the flowers! If you look closely at flowers, in a way that you never take the time to do, you'll see how incredibly intricate they are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"So the opportunities for awe are there,\" she says. \"Look for what moves you, what pushes your sense of boundaries of what is out there in the world.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It took a little time — and patience — Shiota says, but eventually these \"awe walks\" helped her recover from her pandemic funk. Practicing awe released her mind from that constraining \"corset.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Then my mind was able to spread out and take up the space that it needs to take to feel OK,\" she says. And once her mind released, her body followed. \"When you take off the corset, your whole body goes, 'Oh, oh! That's much better.' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Three ways to practice happiness\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Psychologists say you can improve your well-being if you recognize moments of positive feelings, value them and seek them out more often. Below, find a few other ideas for cultivating positive emotions and turning happiness into a habit. To explore more ideas, check out \u003ca href=\"https://apps.npr.org/joy-generator/#story=intro&page=0\">NPR's Joy Generator\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1) Share some appreciation:\u003c/strong> Campos recommends this simple practice. Get together with some friends and write out on cards three things that you're grateful for in the other person. Then share the cards with each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We're using this task right now in my laboratory, and it seems to be very evocative of positive emotion,\" she says. And though the data is preliminary, she says, \"what we see so far is that people enjoy writing what they appreciate in others, and they enjoy sharing it with the other person. It seems to be affirming bonds.\" Sometimes it even ends in hugs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2) Take an awe walk:\u003c/strong> Take a five-minute walk outside each day where you intentionally shift your thoughts outward. Turn off your cellphone or even better don't bring it with you. \"Focus your attention on small details of the world around you,\" psychologist Piercarlo Valdesolo at Claremont McKenna College suggests. Look for things that are unexpected, hard to explain and delightful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For example, take a moment and find a crack in the sidewalk, where a weed is poking out, Barrett says. And let yourself feel awe at the power of nature. \"Practice that feeling over and over again,\" she says. \"Practice feeling awe at colorful clouds, an intricate pattern on a flower or the sight of a full moon.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3) Listen to a calm concert: \u003c/strong>A recent \u003ca href=\"https://www.pnas.org/content/118/14/e2013097118#ref-33\">meta-analysis\u003c/a> from the University of Michigan found that sounds of nature, including birdsongs and water sounds, lower stress, promote calmness and improve mood. Find a bench in your neighborhood under a tree or near water. Sit down, close your eyes and consciously listen to the natural sounds around you. Listen for birdsongs, rustling wind or trickling water. Try sitting for at least five minutes whenever you get a chance. Allow and enjoy calm to wash over you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2021 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Stuck+In+A+Rut%3F+Sometimes+Joy+Takes+A+Little+Practice&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"If you've been feeling blah recently, you're not alone. The good news is you can retrain your brain to feel happier. Here's how to shift your mood and restore your well-being. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1625037278,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":62,"wordCount":2942},"headData":{"title":"Cultivating Joy Takes Work: 3 Ways to Turn Happiness Into a Habit - MindShift","description":"If you've been feeling blah recently, you're not alone. The good news is you can retrain your brain to feel happier. Here's how to shift your mood and restore your well-being.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Cultivating Joy Takes Work: 3 Ways to Turn Happiness Into a Habit","datePublished":"2021-06-30T07:14:38.000Z","dateModified":"2021-06-30T07:14:38.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"58064 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=58064","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2021/06/30/cultivating-joy-takes-work-3-ways-to-turn-happiness-into-a-habit/","disqusTitle":"Cultivating Joy Takes Work: 3 Ways to Turn Happiness Into a Habit","nprByline":"Michaeleen Doucleff","nprImageAgency":"Meredith Rizzo/NPR","nprStoryId":"1010319240","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=1010319240&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/06/29/1010319240/stuck-in-a-rut-sometimes-joy-takes-a-little-practice?ft=nprml&f=1010319240","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Tue, 29 Jun 2021 18:00:00 -0400","nprStoryDate":"Tue, 29 Jun 2021 05:00:55 -0400","nprLastModifiedDate":"Tue, 29 Jun 2021 18:00:22 -0400","path":"/mindshift/58064/cultivating-joy-takes-work-3-ways-to-turn-happiness-into-a-habit","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Back in the fall, Michelle Shiota noticed she wasn't feeling like herself. Her mind felt trapped. \"I don't know if you've ever worn a corset, but I had this very tight, straining feeling in my mind,\" she says. \"My mind had shrunk.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://psychology.asu.edu/content/michelle-shiota\">Shiota\u003c/a> is a psychologist at Arizona State University and an expert on emotions. When the COVID-19 crisis struck, she began working from home and doing one activity, over and over again, all day long.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I will be honest, for the past 14 months, I have spent most of my waking hours looking at a screen, either my laptop, my phone or a TV screen,\" she says, often from the same sofa, in the same room in her San Francisco home. All that isolation — and screen time — had taken a toll on Shiota.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>During the pandemic, many people have felt their mental health decline. The problem has hit essential workers and young adults, ages 18 to 24, the worst, the Kaiser Family Foundation \u003ca href=\"https://www.kff.org/statedata/mental-health-and-substance-use-state-fact-sheets/\">reported\u003c/a> in May. The percentage of adults with signs of anxiety or depression has grown threefold, from about 10% to 30%.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although some people are starting to test the waters of public life again, planning vacations and socializing more, others may still have lingering signs of what psychologists call languishing. They may feel an emptiness or dissatisfaction in day-to-day life. Or feel like they're stuck in weariness or stagnation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Luckily, an emerging area of brain science has a new way to help lift yourself out of languishing — and bring more joy into your life. It worked for Shiota.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I had to expand my consciousness,\" she says. And she did it by intentionally cultivating a particular emotion.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Explore ways to cultivate well-being with \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://apps.npr.org/joy-generator/#story=intro&page=0\">\u003cem>NPR's Joy Generator\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>How emotions arise\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>For thousands of years, there's been a common belief in Western culture about emotions — that they are hard-wired and reflexive, psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett writes in the book \u003cem>How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain\u003c/em>. \"When something happens in the world ... our emotions come on fast and uncontrollable, as if somebody flipped a switch,\" she writes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But when researchers look at what's going on inside the brain and inside the body during specific emotional states, the theory doesn't hold up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the past decade, neuroscientists \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5785564/\">have begun to shift \u003c/a>how they think emotions arise. Rather than being inevitable, hard-coded experiences, researchers now think emotions are malleable, and people have more influence over them than previously thought.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Say for example, you're walking in the woods, and you see a grizzly bear, says neuroscientist \u003ca href=\"https://www.anilseth.com/\">Anil Seth\u003c/a> at the University of Sussex. \"You recognize it's a bear,\" he says, \"and then what happens?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Previously researchers thought the emotion comes first. \"You see a bear and then you feel afraid,\" Seth says. \"Because you're afraid, your brain then jacks up your adrenaline levels.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Your heart rate rises. Your breath quickens. Your pupils dilate. And blood rushes to your skeletal muscles. The old theory was that \"the fear sets in train all kinds of flight and fight responses so that you are well-prepared to run away and live another day,\" he adds. In other words, the emotion (i.e., fear) triggers the physiological responses (i.e., an adrenaline rush).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But according to the latest research, the human body probably works the other way around, Seth says. \"The brain registers a grizzly bear, and that perception sets in train all the physiological responses.\" You get an adrenaline rush. Your heart rate goes up. You start breathing faster. Blood rushes to your muscles. And \u003cem>then \u003c/em>the emotion comes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The brain senses these physiological changes and decides which emotion to conjure up. The emotion is an interpretation of what's going on both inside the body (the adrenaline rush) and the outside of the body (the sight of the bear). \"The brain has to figure out what caused the sensory signals,\" Seth says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The chosen emotion not only helps the brain make sense of these signals, but it also helps the brain predict better the immediate future and how to handle the situation at hand. Which emotion would be most useful? Which emotion will help me survive?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To figure that all out, Seth says, the brain uses one more piece of information — and this part is key. The brain takes into account your past experiences, your memories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Let's return back to that encounter with the grizzly bear. If your past experiences with bears come largely through news reports of attacks and maulings, then your brain will likely interpret your bodily sensations — raised heart rate, raised blood pressure, sweaty palms — as fear. Lots of fear! And this emotion will help drive you away from the bear. \"So you can live another day,\" Seth says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But what if your family hunts for a living? And your past encounters with a bear ended in a wonderful feast for you and your neighbors. Then your brain may interpret the adrenaline rush — the heavy breathing and raised heart rate — as excitement. This positive emotion will help drive you forward toward the bear, while all the physiological changes help you bring home dinner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Your brain uses memories from the past in order to create the present,\" says Barrett, who also does neuroscience research. \"It's bringing knowledge from the past to make sense of the immediate future, which then becomes your present.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Neuroscientists call this \"the predictive brain.\" Understanding how these predictions work is \"very powerful knowledge,\" Barrett says. It means that emotions aren't hard-wired reactions to particular situations, which are out of your control (i.e., you see a bear and therefore you must feel afraid). But rather it's the opposite. \"You can, in fact, modify what you feel in very direct ways,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Emotional muscle memory\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>It's not about trying to force a happier or less fearful feeling in the moment, Barrett says. But rather, it's all about planning ahead. You can stack the deck in favor of your brain, choosing positive, uplifting emotions in two major ways, she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The first one is a no-brainer: You can take care of your body physically. According to this new theory, the brain constructs emotions based largely on physiological signals and other sensations from your body. So by boosting your physical health, you can decrease the chance your body will send unpleasant signals to your brain and, in turn, increase the chance, your brain will construct positive emotions instead of negative ones. \"You can get more sleep. You can eat properly and exercise,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The second approach to influencing your emotions may be less familiar but likely just as impactful: You can \"cultivate\" the emotions you want to have in the future.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"If you know that your brain uses your past in order to make sense [of] and create the present, then you can practice cultivating [positive] emotions today so that your brain can automatically use that knowledge when it's making emotions tomorrow,\" Barrett says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By practicing particular emotions, you can \"rewire\" your brain, she says. \"Your brain grows new connections that make it easier for you to automatically cultivate these emotions in the future.\" So when you start to feel a negative emotion, such as sadness or frustration, you can more easily swap that negative feeling for a positive one, such as awe or gratitude.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"For example, when I am video chatting with somebody in China, I can feel irritated very easily when the connection isn't very good,\" Barrett says. \"Or I can feel awe at the fact that someone can be halfway around the world, and I can see their face and hear their voice, even if it is imperfect, and I can be grateful for that ability.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In this way, emotions are a bit like muscle memory. If you practice the finger patterns for a chord on the piano, a few minutes each day, eventually your fingers can play those chords with little thought. The chords become second nature.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The same goes for emotions. To help pull out of the pandemic blues, it's time to start \"practicing\" positive emotions — and it won't take as much as learning all the chords.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All you need is about five to 10 minutes, says psychologist \u003ca href=\"https://faculty.sites.uci.edu/bcampos/\">Belinda Campos\u003c/a> at the University of California, Irvine. \"Hopefully it wouldn't take people as much effort as it does to eat healthier or to exercise,\" she says. \"Positive emotions feel good. I think people will find them rewarding enough to return to them and keep doing them.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Scientists say this practice is helpful to prevent or work with everyday doldrums and weariness. It isn't intended as a replacement for treatments, such as counseling and medication, for serious mood disorders or anyone going through intense or prolonged bouts of depression.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>The antidote to isolation\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>A few decades ago, scientists used to lump together all kinds of positive emotions into one concept: happiness. Since then, a group of psychologists, including Campos and Shiota, figured that there is a whole \"family tree\" of positive emotions, including pride, nurturant love, contentment, nostalgia, flow, gratitude and awe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One reason these emotions often make us feel good is they shift our focus away from the self — that is \"me and my problems\" — and onto others, Campos says. \"They help put the self in its balanced place, of not being absolutely the highest thing on the to-do list. They help us focus on the joys that relationships can bring.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She adds, \"In this way, positive emotions are part of what helps you to put others before the self.\" And helping others often makes people feel good. \"So, for example, people report levels of higher well-being when they're giving to others, and it can feel better to be on the giving end rather than the receiving end,\" she says. \"I think that's more evidence that focusing on others can be really good for us.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The idea of cultivating positive emotions is pretty simple. Choose one of these emotions and then do a specific action regularly that helps evoke it. Psychologists have devised \u003ca href=\"https://ggia.berkeley.edu/#filters=parenting\">suggestions\u003c/a> for how to get started, but it can be as simple as taking time to notice and appreciate the small things around you that uplift you. \u003cem>(Read three tips to get started at the end of this piece.)\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over time, your brain will start to use these emotions more often — and turn to negative emotions less frequently.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Take, for instance, \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/12/24/678232331/if-you-feel-thankful-write-it-down-its-good-for-your-health\">gratitude\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the past year and a half, Dr. Sriram Shamasunder has been on the front lines of the COVID-19 pandemic. Shamasunder is a physician at the University of California, San Francisco, and he spends about half his time in low-income communities around the world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To help bring more \"light\" into his life, Shamasunder started to keep a gratitude journal. It was part of a project for the \u003ca href=\"https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/?_ga=2.64388524.2010216342.1623123517-2094821597.1619587087\">Greater Good Science Center\u003c/a> at the University of California, Berkeley.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each day, Shamasunder simply jotted down things around him for which he was grateful. \"So not necessarily spending a whole lot of time racking my mind, but just everyday occurrences that were powerful or meaningful or just simple and beautiful,\" Shamasunder \u003ca href=\"https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/podcasts/item/finding_strength_through_gratitude\">told\u003c/a> \u003cem>The Science of Happiness\u003c/em> podcast. He jotted down the doctors and nurses working on Sunday, \"the unseen hands who created a vaccine,\" \"the evening light, magical and orange and blue,\" and a tree outside that provides refuge to birds, ants and squirrels.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By intentionally cultivating gratitude, for even a short period each day, Shamasunder found it easier to evoke positive feelings throughout the day. \"The act of naming the gratitudes carried into the next day and the next, where I became more aware of things in my life that I should cherish in the moment, or I need to cherish.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>An awe a day keeps the malaise away\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Back in the fall, when Shiota, the Arizona State psychologist, felt her mind shrinking, she knew exactly which emotion she needed to cultivate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She got up off the couch, drove West from her San Francisco home and ended up at the edge of the ocean. \"I am trying to reconnect with the vast natural world, with the universe beyond my professional and personal responsibilities, and beyond this moment in time,\" Shiota \u003ca href=\"https://nyaspubs.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/nyas.14588?af=R\">writes\u003c/a> in the \u003cem>Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences\u003c/em>. \"I am searching for awe.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shiota is a world expert on awe. She says the emotion is difficult to define, \"but I think that what we are dealing with is a change that happens in our mind — and in our bodies and in our feelings — when we encounter something so extraordinary that we can't explain it.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That encounter can be with something grand, such as a panoramic view of a red sun dipping into the Pacific Ocean. It can be with something minuscule, such as the black spots on a ladybug. (How did they get so perfectly round?) It can be a scent, a taste or sound. \"It can be a very complex and powerful song that you've never heard before or even a scene in a TV show,\" Shiota says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whatever it is, the extraordinariness of the event makes you pause, for a bit, Shiota says, and try to figure it out. How does a rose smell like a lemon? Why does a perfectly ripened peach taste so good? \"We simply slow down our body, slow down,\" Shiota says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And this pause calms your body. \"I've found evidence that the activation of our fight-flight sympathetic nervous system dials back a little bit.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The feeling of awe also widens your perspective, she says — which Shiota desperately needed after spending so much time looking at screens. \"I had to consciously force myself to look further away. I had to let my senses — my sight, my sound, take in a broader scope of what was going on around me.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In addition to going to the beach, Shiota also simply walked around her neighborhood, looking for unexpected and inspiring things.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There was this amazingly elaborate, chalk drawing in recognition of somebody's birthday. There was a couple, in which one person was clearly helping the other learn to roller-skate on the San Francisco hills. And they're clinging on to each other for dear life,\" she says with a chuckle. \"Then the flowers! If you look closely at flowers, in a way that you never take the time to do, you'll see how incredibly intricate they are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"So the opportunities for awe are there,\" she says. \"Look for what moves you, what pushes your sense of boundaries of what is out there in the world.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It took a little time — and patience — Shiota says, but eventually these \"awe walks\" helped her recover from her pandemic funk. Practicing awe released her mind from that constraining \"corset.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Then my mind was able to spread out and take up the space that it needs to take to feel OK,\" she says. And once her mind released, her body followed. \"When you take off the corset, your whole body goes, 'Oh, oh! That's much better.' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Three ways to practice happiness\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Psychologists say you can improve your well-being if you recognize moments of positive feelings, value them and seek them out more often. Below, find a few other ideas for cultivating positive emotions and turning happiness into a habit. To explore more ideas, check out \u003ca href=\"https://apps.npr.org/joy-generator/#story=intro&page=0\">NPR's Joy Generator\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1) Share some appreciation:\u003c/strong> Campos recommends this simple practice. Get together with some friends and write out on cards three things that you're grateful for in the other person. Then share the cards with each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We're using this task right now in my laboratory, and it seems to be very evocative of positive emotion,\" she says. And though the data is preliminary, she says, \"what we see so far is that people enjoy writing what they appreciate in others, and they enjoy sharing it with the other person. It seems to be affirming bonds.\" Sometimes it even ends in hugs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2) Take an awe walk:\u003c/strong> Take a five-minute walk outside each day where you intentionally shift your thoughts outward. Turn off your cellphone or even better don't bring it with you. \"Focus your attention on small details of the world around you,\" psychologist Piercarlo Valdesolo at Claremont McKenna College suggests. Look for things that are unexpected, hard to explain and delightful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For example, take a moment and find a crack in the sidewalk, where a weed is poking out, Barrett says. And let yourself feel awe at the power of nature. \"Practice that feeling over and over again,\" she says. \"Practice feeling awe at colorful clouds, an intricate pattern on a flower or the sight of a full moon.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3) Listen to a calm concert: \u003c/strong>A recent \u003ca href=\"https://www.pnas.org/content/118/14/e2013097118#ref-33\">meta-analysis\u003c/a> from the University of Michigan found that sounds of nature, including birdsongs and water sounds, lower stress, promote calmness and improve mood. Find a bench in your neighborhood under a tree or near water. Sit down, close your eyes and consciously listen to the natural sounds around you. Listen for birdsongs, rustling wind or trickling water. Try sitting for at least five minutes whenever you get a chance. Allow and enjoy calm to wash over you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2021 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Stuck+In+A+Rut%3F+Sometimes+Joy+Takes+A+Little+Practice&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/58064/cultivating-joy-takes-work-3-ways-to-turn-happiness-into-a-habit","authors":["byline_mindshift_58064"],"categories":["mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21157","mindshift_268","mindshift_21324","mindshift_20865","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_58065","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_57602":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_57602","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"57602","score":null,"sort":[1618903843000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-nonviolent-communication-can-help-adults-better-understand-students-needs","title":"How Nonviolent Communication Can Help Adults Better Understand Students’ Needs","publishDate":1618903843,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted with permission from the publisher, Wiley, from \u003ca title=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/_u9FCzpn0ysG3j15C4cPlN?domain=wiley.com\" href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/_u9FCzpn0ysG3j15C4cPlN?domain=wiley.com\">Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice\u003c/a> by Elena Aguilar. Copyright © 2020 Elena Aguilar. All rights reserved. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>By Elena Aguilar\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When an emotion comes knocking at your door, it’s trying to tell you whether or not your needs are being met. When I get a message from a former student who fondly recalls being in my class, I feel joyful and grateful. These emotions show up to say: \u003cem>Your need to matter, to make a contribution, and to live a purposeful life has been met\u003c/em>. When I recognize the feeling and the underlying need that’s been met, I feel a sense of calm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When my principal stops by my classroom and says, “Come to my office after school—we need to meet,” I feel anxious and worried. These emotions show up to say: \u003cem>Your need for clarity and peace of mind aren\u003c/em>’\u003cem>t being met\u003c/em>. When I recognize the feelings and the underlying needs that aren’t being met, I can consider my options for how to respond to those feelings and unmet needs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Emotions are information about whether our needs are being met. When our needs are met, we feel pleasant emotions. When our needs are unmet, we feel unpleasant emotions—and that’s when we can be resistant.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Nonviolent Communication\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>When you think about human needs, you may recall Abraham Maslow, who presented the concept of needs in a hierarchy. His pyramid starts at the bottom with physiological needs, then safety needs, followed by needs for belonging, then for esteem, and finally at the top, needs for self-actualization. In the 1960s, psychologist Marshall Rosenberg built on Maslow’s ideas and developed a conflict-resolution approach he called \u003cem>nonviolent communication \u003c/em>(NVC). NVC is based on the assumption that all human beings have capacity for compassion, but people resort to violence or harmful behavior when they do not recognize more effective strategies for meeting needs. Rosenberg didn’t believe in a hierarchy of needs but as constellations of needs. \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/Rosenberg-Maslow-and-strategies-for-meeting-needs-1.pdf\">Figure 7.1\u003c/a> is a partial list of some human needs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>All of our needs matter\u003c/em>, Rosenberg taught. It’s this concept—and the strategies I’ve learned for how to respond to needs—that are the reason I don’t experience resistance when I coach. I’m going to get back to that very soon, but first you need to understand this more—I draw on these ideas in every coaching conversation when emotions are present.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>NVC teaches that we’re all just doing our best to meet a need. Needs are \u003cem>fundamental values \u003c/em>that drive our actions. They’re what matter the most, the root reason for why we want what we want. Needs are universal and cross-cultural, and they are positive—as you read through the list in \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/Rosenberg-Maslow-and-strategies-for-meeting-needs-1.pdf\">Figure 7.1\u003c/a>, are there any that you don’t appreciate? We all share the same needs, but we feel them with varying degrees of intensity, and we use different strategies to meet them. Some strategies are effective and skillful, others are less effective and less skillful. This is where emotions come in.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>When Kids Roll Their Eyes\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Let’s go back to the seventh-grade student who rolls her eyes. When that happens, your body produces stress hormones, which causes your heart rate to accelerate. Then you tumble into thoughts that could include, \u003cem>She\u003c/em>’\u003cem>s so disrespectful; I\u003c/em>’\u003cem>m sick of teaching ungrateful kids\u003c/em>, and then into action—giving her a warning, writing a referral, and/or telling her that teachers must be respected.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is a moment when you’re experiencing anger. To be clear: She has not caused your anger—your anger is your own responsibility. But anger has shown up at your door and has a message for you—it wants you to listen to what it’s communicating about your needs and values, which might be for respect, harmony, and cooperation. Here’s what you can then say to yourself:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>value\u003c/em> \u003cem>respect,\u003c/em> \u003cem>harmony,\u003c/em> \u003cem>and\u003c/em> \u003cem>cooperation,\u003c/em> \u003cem>which\u003c/em> \u003cem>are\u003c/em> \u003cem>worthy\u003c/em> \u003cem>needs.\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>experience\u003c/em> \u003cem>eye-rolling as disrespect. I wonder how I can communicate my needs to her? I won\u003c/em>\u003cem>der\u003c/em> \u003cem>what\u003c/em> \u003cem>she’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>feeling\u003c/em> \u003cem>and\u003c/em> \u003cem>what\u003c/em> \u003cem>she\u003c/em> \u003cem>needs\u003c/em> \u003cem>that\u003c/em> \u003cem>she’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>not\u003c/em> \u003cem>getting?\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>wonder\u003c/em> \u003cem>how\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>could\u003c/em> \u003cem>hear\u003c/em> \u003cem>what\u003c/em> \u003cem>her\u003c/em> \u003cem>needs\u003c/em> \u003cem>are?\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>wonder\u003c/em> \u003cem>if\u003c/em> \u003cem>there’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>any\u003c/em> \u003cem>other\u003c/em> \u003cem>way\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>could\u003c/em> \u003cem>interpret \u003c/em>\u003cem>her\u003c/em> \u003cem>eye-rolling—maybe\u003c/em> \u003cem>she’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>not\u003c/em> \u003cem>saying\u003c/em> \u003cem>she\u003c/em> \u003cem>disrespects\u003c/em> \u003cem>me;\u003c/em> \u003cem>maybe\u003c/em> \u003cem>she’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>saying\u003c/em> \u003cem>she’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>frustrated\u003c/em> \u003cem>and\u003c/em> \u003cem>doesn’t\u003c/em> \u003cem>know\u003c/em> \u003cem>how\u003c/em> \u003cem>to\u003c/em> \u003cem>tell\u003c/em> \u003cem>me\u003c/em> \u003cem>that?\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>wonder\u003c/em> \u003cem>if\u003c/em> \u003cem>my\u003c/em> \u003cem>racial\u003c/em> \u003cem>identity—and\u003c/em> \u003cem>her\u003c/em> \u003cem>racial\u003c/em> \u003cem>identity—play\u003c/em> \u003cem>a role in how I interpret her behavior? I wonder if there are other places in my life where my need for respect, harmony, and cooperation aren’t being met? I wonder if any other unmet needs are calling for my attention?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here’s what’s possible next. You crouch down next to the student and you say, “Hey, can we check in for a minute after class? I’d like to understand what’s going on for you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After class, you stand in the doorway with the student and say, “When you roll your eyes, what are you feeling?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says, “I wasn’t rolling my eyes.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You say, “OK,” because you’re not going to argue with her about whether she was or wasn’t. “What were you feeling in class today?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says, “You’re not fair. You’re always picking on me.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You say, “OK, so you feel frustrated because you feel disrespected and singled out, and respect and belonging are really important—to everyone. When I asked you to throw away your gum and you rolled your eyes, I felt disrespected also.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1119592275,descCd-buy.html\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-57603\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"180\" height=\"226\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-scaled.jpg 2042w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-800x1003.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-1020x1279.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-160x201.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-768x963.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-1225x1536.jpg 1225w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-1633x2048.jpg 1633w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-1920x2408.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 180px) 100vw, 180px\">\u003c/a>I would like you to imagine the rest of this conversation—one in which the seventh-grade student acts age-appropriate and doesn’t necessarily say everything we wish she’d say, and one in which you manage the conversation with skill and compassion. Within a few minutes, the student takes ownership for her behavior, which you appreciate, and she heads off to her next class. She does not end up in the office, and you feel calm, effective, and confident that you can respond to eye-rolling. The next time a student rolls their eyes, your body skips a beat and then you think: \u003cem>I wonder if they’re feeling afraid that they’re being singled out—their need to feel like they belong is not being met\u003c/em>. And you say, “We have a school rule about gum. Please throw it out.” And even if they roll their eyes, you don’t experience it as disrespect.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Understanding Needs\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In the NVC method, the word \u003cem>need \u003c/em>is synonymous with \u003cem>value \u003c/em>or \u003cem>something that matters\u003c/em>. This doesn’t mean that if we feel disrespected by a student, we turn to them and say, “I need you to respect me.” This is mixing up what’s meant by the word \u003cem>need\u003c/em>. You could say: “I value respect, and I’m committed to respecting you also. If you are feeling angry, I’d like to ask that you share what you’re feeling in words.” This, of course, is assuming that the student has the emotional intelligence to recognize their feelings and communicate skillfully—which is why our students require social-emotional learning. Regardless of what the student says or does, we, however, can maintain equilibrium—we can listen to our own emotions and understand the messages they’re trying to tell us about our own needs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Recognizing our needs doesn’t automatically mean they’ll be met—sometimes they are, and sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes our needs have more to do with something we need to change about our life, or we need internally, than something that another person can provide. We can learn how to express our needs to others and get more of them met—that’s a great deal of what NVC teaches. But ultimately, freedom doesn’t come from being able to control outcomes. It comes from knowing our values, developing ways to respond to the emotions that come up, and letting go. We can learn how to be at peace with some unmet needs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/brightmorningtm\">Elena Aguilar\u003c/a> is a writer, leader, teacher, coach and podcaster. She is the author \u003ca href=\"https://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1119592275,descCd-buy.html\">Coaching for Equity: \u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"https://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1119592275,descCd-buy.html\">Conversations That Change Practice\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.wiley.com/en-us/Onward%3A+Cultivating+Emotional+Resilience+in+Educators-p-9781119364894\">Onward: Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators \u003c/a>\u003c/em>and\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://www.wiley.com/en-us/The+Art+of+Coaching%3A+Effective+Strategies+for+School+Transformation-p-9781118206539\"> The Art of Coaching: Effective Strategies for School Transformation\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Nonviolent communication can help adults better understand students' needs and where they are coming from. Teachers can use these emotional indicators to discern a misunderstanding from a more intentional act of disrespect. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1618903843,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":23,"wordCount":1510},"headData":{"title":"How Nonviolent Communication Can Help Adults Better Understand Students’ Needs - MindShift","description":"Nonviolent communication can help adults better understand students' needs and where they are coming from. Teachers can use these emotional indicators to discern a misunderstanding from a more intentional act of disrespect.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How Nonviolent Communication Can Help Adults Better Understand Students’ Needs","datePublished":"2021-04-20T07:30:43.000Z","dateModified":"2021-04-20T07:30:43.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"57602 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=57602","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2021/04/20/how-nonviolent-communication-can-help-adults-better-understand-students-needs/","disqusTitle":"How Nonviolent Communication Can Help Adults Better Understand Students’ Needs","path":"/mindshift/57602/how-nonviolent-communication-can-help-adults-better-understand-students-needs","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted with permission from the publisher, Wiley, from \u003ca title=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/_u9FCzpn0ysG3j15C4cPlN?domain=wiley.com\" href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/_u9FCzpn0ysG3j15C4cPlN?domain=wiley.com\">Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice\u003c/a> by Elena Aguilar. Copyright © 2020 Elena Aguilar. All rights reserved. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>By Elena Aguilar\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When an emotion comes knocking at your door, it’s trying to tell you whether or not your needs are being met. When I get a message from a former student who fondly recalls being in my class, I feel joyful and grateful. These emotions show up to say: \u003cem>Your need to matter, to make a contribution, and to live a purposeful life has been met\u003c/em>. When I recognize the feeling and the underlying need that’s been met, I feel a sense of calm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When my principal stops by my classroom and says, “Come to my office after school—we need to meet,” I feel anxious and worried. These emotions show up to say: \u003cem>Your need for clarity and peace of mind aren\u003c/em>’\u003cem>t being met\u003c/em>. When I recognize the feelings and the underlying needs that aren’t being met, I can consider my options for how to respond to those feelings and unmet needs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Emotions are information about whether our needs are being met. When our needs are met, we feel pleasant emotions. When our needs are unmet, we feel unpleasant emotions—and that’s when we can be resistant.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Nonviolent Communication\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>When you think about human needs, you may recall Abraham Maslow, who presented the concept of needs in a hierarchy. His pyramid starts at the bottom with physiological needs, then safety needs, followed by needs for belonging, then for esteem, and finally at the top, needs for self-actualization. In the 1960s, psychologist Marshall Rosenberg built on Maslow’s ideas and developed a conflict-resolution approach he called \u003cem>nonviolent communication \u003c/em>(NVC). NVC is based on the assumption that all human beings have capacity for compassion, but people resort to violence or harmful behavior when they do not recognize more effective strategies for meeting needs. Rosenberg didn’t believe in a hierarchy of needs but as constellations of needs. \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/Rosenberg-Maslow-and-strategies-for-meeting-needs-1.pdf\">Figure 7.1\u003c/a> is a partial list of some human needs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>All of our needs matter\u003c/em>, Rosenberg taught. It’s this concept—and the strategies I’ve learned for how to respond to needs—that are the reason I don’t experience resistance when I coach. I’m going to get back to that very soon, but first you need to understand this more—I draw on these ideas in every coaching conversation when emotions are present.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>NVC teaches that we’re all just doing our best to meet a need. Needs are \u003cem>fundamental values \u003c/em>that drive our actions. They’re what matter the most, the root reason for why we want what we want. Needs are universal and cross-cultural, and they are positive—as you read through the list in \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/Rosenberg-Maslow-and-strategies-for-meeting-needs-1.pdf\">Figure 7.1\u003c/a>, are there any that you don’t appreciate? We all share the same needs, but we feel them with varying degrees of intensity, and we use different strategies to meet them. Some strategies are effective and skillful, others are less effective and less skillful. This is where emotions come in.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>When Kids Roll Their Eyes\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Let’s go back to the seventh-grade student who rolls her eyes. When that happens, your body produces stress hormones, which causes your heart rate to accelerate. Then you tumble into thoughts that could include, \u003cem>She\u003c/em>’\u003cem>s so disrespectful; I\u003c/em>’\u003cem>m sick of teaching ungrateful kids\u003c/em>, and then into action—giving her a warning, writing a referral, and/or telling her that teachers must be respected.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is a moment when you’re experiencing anger. To be clear: She has not caused your anger—your anger is your own responsibility. But anger has shown up at your door and has a message for you—it wants you to listen to what it’s communicating about your needs and values, which might be for respect, harmony, and cooperation. Here’s what you can then say to yourself:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>value\u003c/em> \u003cem>respect,\u003c/em> \u003cem>harmony,\u003c/em> \u003cem>and\u003c/em> \u003cem>cooperation,\u003c/em> \u003cem>which\u003c/em> \u003cem>are\u003c/em> \u003cem>worthy\u003c/em> \u003cem>needs.\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>experience\u003c/em> \u003cem>eye-rolling as disrespect. I wonder how I can communicate my needs to her? I won\u003c/em>\u003cem>der\u003c/em> \u003cem>what\u003c/em> \u003cem>she’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>feeling\u003c/em> \u003cem>and\u003c/em> \u003cem>what\u003c/em> \u003cem>she\u003c/em> \u003cem>needs\u003c/em> \u003cem>that\u003c/em> \u003cem>she’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>not\u003c/em> \u003cem>getting?\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>wonder\u003c/em> \u003cem>how\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>could\u003c/em> \u003cem>hear\u003c/em> \u003cem>what\u003c/em> \u003cem>her\u003c/em> \u003cem>needs\u003c/em> \u003cem>are?\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>wonder\u003c/em> \u003cem>if\u003c/em> \u003cem>there’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>any\u003c/em> \u003cem>other\u003c/em> \u003cem>way\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>could\u003c/em> \u003cem>interpret \u003c/em>\u003cem>her\u003c/em> \u003cem>eye-rolling—maybe\u003c/em> \u003cem>she’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>not\u003c/em> \u003cem>saying\u003c/em> \u003cem>she\u003c/em> \u003cem>disrespects\u003c/em> \u003cem>me;\u003c/em> \u003cem>maybe\u003c/em> \u003cem>she’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>saying\u003c/em> \u003cem>she’s\u003c/em> \u003cem>frustrated\u003c/em> \u003cem>and\u003c/em> \u003cem>doesn’t\u003c/em> \u003cem>know\u003c/em> \u003cem>how\u003c/em> \u003cem>to\u003c/em> \u003cem>tell\u003c/em> \u003cem>me\u003c/em> \u003cem>that?\u003c/em> \u003cem>I\u003c/em> \u003cem>wonder\u003c/em> \u003cem>if\u003c/em> \u003cem>my\u003c/em> \u003cem>racial\u003c/em> \u003cem>identity—and\u003c/em> \u003cem>her\u003c/em> \u003cem>racial\u003c/em> \u003cem>identity—play\u003c/em> \u003cem>a role in how I interpret her behavior? I wonder if there are other places in my life where my need for respect, harmony, and cooperation aren’t being met? I wonder if any other unmet needs are calling for my attention?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here’s what’s possible next. You crouch down next to the student and you say, “Hey, can we check in for a minute after class? I’d like to understand what’s going on for you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After class, you stand in the doorway with the student and say, “When you roll your eyes, what are you feeling?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says, “I wasn’t rolling my eyes.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You say, “OK,” because you’re not going to argue with her about whether she was or wasn’t. “What were you feeling in class today?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says, “You’re not fair. You’re always picking on me.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You say, “OK, so you feel frustrated because you feel disrespected and singled out, and respect and belonging are really important—to everyone. When I asked you to throw away your gum and you rolled your eyes, I felt disrespected also.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1119592275,descCd-buy.html\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-57603\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"180\" height=\"226\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-scaled.jpg 2042w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-800x1003.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-1020x1279.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-160x201.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-768x963.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-1225x1536.jpg 1225w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-1633x2048.jpg 1633w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2021/03/CoachingForEquity.Cover_-1920x2408.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 180px) 100vw, 180px\">\u003c/a>I would like you to imagine the rest of this conversation—one in which the seventh-grade student acts age-appropriate and doesn’t necessarily say everything we wish she’d say, and one in which you manage the conversation with skill and compassion. Within a few minutes, the student takes ownership for her behavior, which you appreciate, and she heads off to her next class. She does not end up in the office, and you feel calm, effective, and confident that you can respond to eye-rolling. The next time a student rolls their eyes, your body skips a beat and then you think: \u003cem>I wonder if they’re feeling afraid that they’re being singled out—their need to feel like they belong is not being met\u003c/em>. And you say, “We have a school rule about gum. Please throw it out.” And even if they roll their eyes, you don’t experience it as disrespect.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Understanding Needs\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In the NVC method, the word \u003cem>need \u003c/em>is synonymous with \u003cem>value \u003c/em>or \u003cem>something that matters\u003c/em>. This doesn’t mean that if we feel disrespected by a student, we turn to them and say, “I need you to respect me.” This is mixing up what’s meant by the word \u003cem>need\u003c/em>. You could say: “I value respect, and I’m committed to respecting you also. If you are feeling angry, I’d like to ask that you share what you’re feeling in words.” This, of course, is assuming that the student has the emotional intelligence to recognize their feelings and communicate skillfully—which is why our students require social-emotional learning. Regardless of what the student says or does, we, however, can maintain equilibrium—we can listen to our own emotions and understand the messages they’re trying to tell us about our own needs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Recognizing our needs doesn’t automatically mean they’ll be met—sometimes they are, and sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes our needs have more to do with something we need to change about our life, or we need internally, than something that another person can provide. We can learn how to express our needs to others and get more of them met—that’s a great deal of what NVC teaches. But ultimately, freedom doesn’t come from being able to control outcomes. It comes from knowing our values, developing ways to respond to the emotions that come up, and letting go. We can learn how to be at peace with some unmet needs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/brightmorningtm\">Elena Aguilar\u003c/a> is a writer, leader, teacher, coach and podcaster. She is the author \u003ca href=\"https://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1119592275,descCd-buy.html\">Coaching for Equity: \u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"https://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1119592275,descCd-buy.html\">Conversations That Change Practice\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.wiley.com/en-us/Onward%3A+Cultivating+Emotional+Resilience+in+Educators-p-9781119364894\">Onward: Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators \u003c/a>\u003c/em>and\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://www.wiley.com/en-us/The+Art+of+Coaching%3A+Effective+Strategies+for+School+Transformation-p-9781118206539\"> The Art of Coaching: Effective Strategies for School Transformation\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/57602/how-nonviolent-communication-can-help-adults-better-understand-students-needs","authors":["11721"],"categories":["mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_21198","mindshift_21036","mindshift_21240","mindshift_20794","mindshift_21157","mindshift_21427","mindshift_21244","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_57714","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_56268":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_56268","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"56268","score":null,"sort":[1594711629000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-learning-emotional-skills-can-help-boys-become-men","title":"How Learning Emotional Skills Can Help Boys Become Men","publishDate":1594711629,"format":"standard","headTitle":"How Learning Emotional Skills Can Help Boys Become Men | KQED","labelTerm":{"term":21847,"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>Ashanti Branch was working as an engineer when a friend called him up to ask if he would volunteer a few hours on Saturday mornings to tutor students in math for the \u003ca href=\"https://www2.ed.gov/programs/trioupbound/index.html\">Upward Bound\u003c/a> program at Mills College. Branch grew up in Oakland, attended its public schools, worked hard and went on to get a college degree from Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo, California. He figured it was time to give back a little, but he only committed to a few months. He surprised himself by taking his students’ academic progress personally.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The fire started,” Branch said. “And I was trying to run from it. I was like, wait, teachers don’t make money. I don’t want to be no teacher.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But he couldn’t outrun the calling to become a teacher, so he went back to school to earn his credential and started teaching math at San Lorenzo High School near Oakland. Right away he noticed that some students were not succeeding in his class, and they were mostly young men. So he invited a group of them to come to his classroom at lunch – he’d provide food – so they could tell him how to be a better teacher.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_56271\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1940px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-56271\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2.jpg\" alt=\"Students sit in a circle in the gym working on an activity Ashanti Branch facilitates.\" width=\"1940\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2.jpg 1940w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-800x445.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-1020x568.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-768x428.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-1536x855.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-1920x1069.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1940px) 100vw, 1940px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ashanti Branch facilitates and Ever Forward activity with boys at Academy of Alameda. \u003ccite>(Josh Egel/Ever Forward Siempre Adelante)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“And what they started talking about was, ‘I ain’t gonna be no nerd, no geek, no teacher’s pet.’ Everything about ‘smart’ to them was negative. And I realized my job was to build a space that was smart and cool.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So Branch kept buying those students lunch, building a rapport with them, making them feel special, chosen. He saw a lot of himself in those students.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“What I realized they needed was what I needed in high school. I needed a space to just be human. And to be like, ‘I’m going through stuff, and I don’t get to talk about it, I just have to pretend everything is great. Everything is not. I’m struggling.’”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And just like that, without even meaning to do it, Branch started the Ever Forward Club. It became a place where students felt safe to reveal their weaknesses, ask for help, get support and be smart. Branch made them feel like they mattered. He set high expectations for students and provided academic support when they needed it. If he saw Ever Forward students in the hallways when they should be in class, he challenged them on it. When they skipped school, he’d show up at their homes to ask what was going on and ask if they needed anything. He wanted them to know they were missed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“What I realized happens with a lot of teachers, and at schools in general, is that if the students are not doing what we expect them to do, sometimes the teacher will be like, ‘You have to fix what you’re not doing right.’ With no instruction on how to fix it. I was going to hold them to really high expectations. And I was gonna provide a high level of support for them.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Branch created the first Ever Forward Club out of an empathetic understanding of what kids needed. He grew up in Oakland. His dad died before he was born and his mom raised Branch and his younger siblings on her own. As the oldest kid, Branch had a lot of responsibilities growing up, like watching his siblings, cooking meals and cleaning. Even at a young age, he knew it felt like a burden. But he never told his teachers that stuff. Instead, he bottled up his anger and sadness. He wondered what might have been different in his life if he’d had a space like the Ever Forward Club growing up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What was instinct for Branch has increasingly been on the minds of education scholars, psychologists and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/52413/how-teachers-designed-a-school-centered-on-caring-relationships\">educators\u003c/a>. Schools now put more emphasis on the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/52980/six-ways-to-teach-social-and-emotional-skills-all-day\">social and emotional needs of students\u003c/a>, taking heed of \u003ca href=\"https://casel.org/basic-research-resources/\">decades of research\u003c/a> showing that academic performance can’t be separated from overall wellness. Many schools try to create a similar sense of belonging through their \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/43362/how-schools-build-a-positive-culture-through-advisory\">advisory programs\u003c/a>, and increasingly psychologists like Marc Brackett, the Director of the Yale Center on Emotional Intelligence, are talking about the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54853/why-its-imperative-we-all-learn-to-be-emotion-scientists\">importance of emotional intelligence\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The really powerful emotions build up inside us, like a dark force that inevitably poisons everything we do, whether we like it or not. Hurt feelings don’t vanish on their own. They don’t heal themselves. If we don’t express our emotions, they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due,” Brackett writes in his book \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250212849\">Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive\u003c/a>\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Brackett and others make the simple case that most people aren’t good at identifying or dealing with their emotions, which adversely affects their academic and work performance, as well as their happiness. But adults and kids can learn tools to improve their emotional intelligence. This work is important for everyone, but Ashanti Branch witnessed firsthand that boys in his school often had the toughest time expressing emotion. They were battling against a culture telling them what men can and can’t do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“They don’t have any emotional language,” Branch said. The two most common emotions he saw kids express were anger and humor – the hammer and the tickler, as he calls them. “[For] most of them, when the tickler doesn’t work, they pull out the hammer. Some of [them] are using hammers on things that need like a screwdriver. How do we help them learn to use more tools?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Branch has experience dealing with student anger. In the process of holding them to high expectations – often riding them to get their work done, show up on time and meet their commitments – students directed their frustration and anger at him. He encouraged it by telling them not to ignore their feelings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_56272\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1940px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-56272\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3.jpg\" alt=\"Ashanti Branch at his former high school, where he was also a dean, Fremont High.\" width=\"1940\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3.jpg 1940w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-800x445.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-1020x568.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-768x428.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-1536x855.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-1920x1069.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1940px) 100vw, 1940px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ashanti Branch at an empty Fremont High School during the coronavirus pandemic. Ashanti graduated from Fremont and later became a dean there. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“‘Cuz I didn’t do it to make you mad. But it made you \u003cem>mad\u003c/em>, or it made you \u003cem>upset\u003c/em>, or \u003cem>sad\u003c/em> or \u003cem>embarrassed\u003c/em>,’ and I used those emotion words with them because they turn everything into anger,” he said. Branch said the boys he works with reach for anger because “in our community, where I live and a lot of them live, anger is respected by men.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Branch started to realize the unique trap these young men he cared about were in, he started looking for more resources. He joined several men’s groups including ones offered by \u003ca href=\"https://mankindproject.org/\">The Mankind Project\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.evryman.com/\">Evryman\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.mentordiscoverinspire.org/\">MDI\u003c/a>. He realized he’d been looking for that kind of gender-specific space for a while – a place where he could share openly with other men about the unique challenges of being men in this world. He discovered the power men can reclaim when they are vulnerable and talk about what they are feeling. And he was surprised to find he could trust other men to hold him accountable to his commitments and goals out of care and respect. He realized that his intuition to push his students to acknowledge and talk about their feelings was more important than ever.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\nThe Evolution of Ever Forward\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ashanti Branch taught in the classroom for 12 years, while running, supporting and fundraising for the Ever Forward Club on the side. But the crushing workload contributed to Branch having several serious panic attacks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I remember feeling so overwhelmed,” Branch said. “I didn’t know any better, but to give 100%.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He wanted to have a more systemic impact, and he wanted the work to be sustainable for him, so he moved into school administration. After a few years, that didn’t seem right either, so Branch decided to start an official non-profit, \u003ca href=\"https://everforwardclub.org/\">Ever Forward/Siempre Adelante\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ever Forward/Siempre Adelante works on three levels: It supports Ever Forward Clubs in schools, provides professional development to teachers and administrators interested in this kind of mentoring work, and creates outward facing opportunities for schools to engage in the work through efforts like the \u003ca href=\"https://everforwardclub.org/100kmasks\">#100kMaskChallenge\u003c/a>, a simple activity that can help adults learn more about what’s going on in the lives of their students.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc45-ptHMxo\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\nEver Forward at Academy of Alameda\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carlos Velazquez runs an Ever Forward Club at Academy of Alameda, in a city just outside of Oakland. Like Ashanti Branch, Velazquez experienced the power of men’s groups in his own life. He started attending a group at \u003ca href=\"https://laclinica.org/location/la-clinica-fruitvale-village/\">La Clinica de la Raza\u003c/a>, in the Fruitvale neighborhood of Oakland, while trying to make some changes in his personal life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_56273\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1940px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-56273\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence.jpg\" alt=\"Carlos Velazquez poses with a mask on at Academy of Alameda.\" width=\"1940\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence.jpg 1940w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-800x445.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-1020x568.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-768x428.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-1536x855.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-1920x1069.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1940px) 100vw, 1940px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Carlos Velazquez poses with a mask on outside a classroom at Academy of Alameda. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>He began to realize that he’d grown up with some toxic messages about what it means to be a man – treat women badly, don’t ask for help, do everything on your own – and those were adversely affecting his romantic relationships. As he began to unpack and dismantle the messages he’d been taught explicitly and implicitly about how to be a man, he also started wondering if he could help his students see a different way of doing things.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m well aware that conditioning and socialization is super heavy,” Velazquez said. “These kids are getting messages of what it means to be a man constantly. And I know I’m going against that. And so for me, my hope for them is that seeds get planted that show them that, yes, there is another way for a man to be in this world.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Velazquez’ school runs an advisory program. The Ever Forward Club fits into that structure. Velazquez meets with his group of about 20 middle school boys four times a week. One of those meetings always focuses on checking in and talking about how the boys are feeling. The other three meetings cover more traditional advisory activities like academic support and study skills.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_56274\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 640px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-large wp-image-56274\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-1020x1292.jpg\" alt=\"Carlos Velazquez\" width=\"640\" height=\"811\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-1020x1292.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-800x1013.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-160x203.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-768x973.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez.jpg 1091w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Carlos Velazquez on his back deck. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Carlos Velazquez)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“They can be pretty rowdy sometimes because they come in from whatever class they had before and they bring that energy,” Velazquez said about the students’ transition to the meetings. When COVID-19 forced schools to close, and students to shelter in place, the group met via Zoom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The group starts most meetings by reciting the \u003ca href=\"http://vue.annenberginstitute.org/perspectives/lak%E2%80%99ech-you-are-my-other\">Inlakesh poem\u003c/a> based on Mayan principals. Velazquez says the poem helps create “sacred space” in the group, drawing a line between what happened before the meeting, and the vulnerable space they will share together. It’s not easy. The boys often don’t open up right away. Velazquez has found that he has to model the vulnerability and language he hopes to see, and then often the boys will follow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The first time I remember that I felt safe to share in the group was when one of the boys shared something about their home life. Something they would never share in any circumstance,” said Angel, an eighth grader at the Academy of Alameda. “That was what first gave me a lot of trust in the group.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Angel said he feels better knowing the boys in the group are there to support him because it’s hard to ask for help or talk about feelings in other parts of his life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“People would think of you as weird or like too much for anyone else to handle,” Angel said. “It doesn’t feel too safe because you feel like other people are going to make fun of you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It can be hard to know if the Ever Forward Club is having much of an effect. Velazquez says his boys still get in fights; they still struggle in school sometimes; they still mess up. But he gets glimpses that it’s working. For example, a math teacher told him that three boys from his group stood out to her because of the way they collaborated productively in her class. Or, when Velazquez asks for help supporting a group member who is struggling, all the boys will volunteer. Those are the moments that give him hope.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Future of Ever Forward/Siempre Adelante\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ashanti Branch has spent the last several years trying to convince other schools that this work is worth investment. It has been an uphill battle. Schools have limited budgets and many competing priorities – especially now that the coronavirus has decimated the funds states have to allocate for education, while at the same time requiring expensive changes to staffing and facilities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But even before the global pandemic upended how schools operate, Branch found many educators and administrators resistant to his message. Some didn’t believe boys need gender-specific support, others didn’t have enough male teachers – and especially not \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11791679/the-future-is-male-why-california-needs-more-male-teachers-of-color\">male teachers of color\u003c/a> – to support the work. Meanwhile, \u003ca href=\"https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d18/tables/dt18_204.50.asp?current=yes\">national data shows\u003c/a> over 70% of emotional disturbance diagnoses are for boys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Every school is different,” Branch said, “But a lot of schools I go to, when we look at their suspension data, their attendance data, their referral data, young men are usually the highest number. Not every school, but a lot of schools. So why is it we don’t put money aside for a young men intervention program?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The challenges of creating spaces like Ever Forward Clubs at schools intersect with so many other thorny issues in education: teacher shortages, faculty diversity, lack of funding, overburdened teachers and administrators, parental support and lack of time, to name just a few.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Branch understands all these challenges – he lived them in school buildings for more than a decade – but he has also seen how boys blossom when they have a safe space to get academic and emotional support. All the boys in the first Ever Forward Club graduated high school. Kids were clamoring to join, and Branch eventually started a separate group for young women who demanded something similar.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Our young men are humans and they have big hearts,” Branch said. “But they’ve been taught to shut them down. And that’s the scariest thing I see.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ever Forward/Siempre Adelante is now thinking creatively about how to make the biggest impact. In the 2020 school year Branch started a program for students to start Ever Forward Clubs at their schools. He’s considered partnering with community organizations to run clubs, hoping to find more consistency in funding and staffing there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He said his work started with boys of color because that was who he taught, but the longer he does this work, the more he realizes students and teachers are all wearing masks of different kinds. Everyone can benefit from this work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He thinks we’d all be better off if we start acknowledging the difference between what we present and what we’re really feeling. And make space to talk about it.\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Society sends boys clear messages about what it means to be a man – men don’t show emotion, they handle things on their own, they don’t need other people. Some educators are emphasizing emotional intelligence as a way to move past these sometimes harmful stereotypes.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1700528816,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":43,"wordCount":2631},"headData":{"title":"How Learning Emotional Skills Can Help Boys Become Men | KQED","description":"Society sends boys clear messages about what it means to be a man – men don’t show emotion, they handle things on their own, they don’t need other people. Some educators are emphasizing emotional intelligence as a way to move past these sometimes harmful stereotypes.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How Learning Emotional Skills Can Help Boys Become Men","datePublished":"2020-07-14T07:27:09.000Z","dateModified":"2023-11-21T01:06:56.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"audioUrl":"https://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.megaphone.fm/KQINC4142602579.mp3","path":"/mindshift/56268/how-learning-emotional-skills-can-help-boys-become-men","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Ashanti Branch was working as an engineer when a friend called him up to ask if he would volunteer a few hours on Saturday mornings to tutor students in math for the \u003ca href=\"https://www2.ed.gov/programs/trioupbound/index.html\">Upward Bound\u003c/a> program at Mills College. Branch grew up in Oakland, attended its public schools, worked hard and went on to get a college degree from Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo, California. He figured it was time to give back a little, but he only committed to a few months. He surprised himself by taking his students’ academic progress personally.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The fire started,” Branch said. “And I was trying to run from it. I was like, wait, teachers don’t make money. I don’t want to be no teacher.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But he couldn’t outrun the calling to become a teacher, so he went back to school to earn his credential and started teaching math at San Lorenzo High School near Oakland. Right away he noticed that some students were not succeeding in his class, and they were mostly young men. So he invited a group of them to come to his classroom at lunch – he’d provide food – so they could tell him how to be a better teacher.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_56271\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1940px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-56271\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2.jpg\" alt=\"Students sit in a circle in the gym working on an activity Ashanti Branch facilitates.\" width=\"1940\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2.jpg 1940w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-800x445.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-1020x568.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-768x428.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-1536x855.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence2-1920x1069.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1940px) 100vw, 1940px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ashanti Branch facilitates and Ever Forward activity with boys at Academy of Alameda. \u003ccite>(Josh Egel/Ever Forward Siempre Adelante)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“And what they started talking about was, ‘I ain’t gonna be no nerd, no geek, no teacher’s pet.’ Everything about ‘smart’ to them was negative. And I realized my job was to build a space that was smart and cool.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So Branch kept buying those students lunch, building a rapport with them, making them feel special, chosen. He saw a lot of himself in those students.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“What I realized they needed was what I needed in high school. I needed a space to just be human. And to be like, ‘I’m going through stuff, and I don’t get to talk about it, I just have to pretend everything is great. Everything is not. I’m struggling.’”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And just like that, without even meaning to do it, Branch started the Ever Forward Club. It became a place where students felt safe to reveal their weaknesses, ask for help, get support and be smart. Branch made them feel like they mattered. He set high expectations for students and provided academic support when they needed it. If he saw Ever Forward students in the hallways when they should be in class, he challenged them on it. When they skipped school, he’d show up at their homes to ask what was going on and ask if they needed anything. He wanted them to know they were missed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“What I realized happens with a lot of teachers, and at schools in general, is that if the students are not doing what we expect them to do, sometimes the teacher will be like, ‘You have to fix what you’re not doing right.’ With no instruction on how to fix it. I was going to hold them to really high expectations. And I was gonna provide a high level of support for them.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Branch created the first Ever Forward Club out of an empathetic understanding of what kids needed. He grew up in Oakland. His dad died before he was born and his mom raised Branch and his younger siblings on her own. As the oldest kid, Branch had a lot of responsibilities growing up, like watching his siblings, cooking meals and cleaning. Even at a young age, he knew it felt like a burden. But he never told his teachers that stuff. Instead, he bottled up his anger and sadness. He wondered what might have been different in his life if he’d had a space like the Ever Forward Club growing up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What was instinct for Branch has increasingly been on the minds of education scholars, psychologists and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/52413/how-teachers-designed-a-school-centered-on-caring-relationships\">educators\u003c/a>. Schools now put more emphasis on the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/52980/six-ways-to-teach-social-and-emotional-skills-all-day\">social and emotional needs of students\u003c/a>, taking heed of \u003ca href=\"https://casel.org/basic-research-resources/\">decades of research\u003c/a> showing that academic performance can’t be separated from overall wellness. Many schools try to create a similar sense of belonging through their \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/43362/how-schools-build-a-positive-culture-through-advisory\">advisory programs\u003c/a>, and increasingly psychologists like Marc Brackett, the Director of the Yale Center on Emotional Intelligence, are talking about the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54853/why-its-imperative-we-all-learn-to-be-emotion-scientists\">importance of emotional intelligence\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The really powerful emotions build up inside us, like a dark force that inevitably poisons everything we do, whether we like it or not. Hurt feelings don’t vanish on their own. They don’t heal themselves. If we don’t express our emotions, they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due,” Brackett writes in his book \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250212849\">Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive\u003c/a>\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Brackett and others make the simple case that most people aren’t good at identifying or dealing with their emotions, which adversely affects their academic and work performance, as well as their happiness. But adults and kids can learn tools to improve their emotional intelligence. This work is important for everyone, but Ashanti Branch witnessed firsthand that boys in his school often had the toughest time expressing emotion. They were battling against a culture telling them what men can and can’t do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“They don’t have any emotional language,” Branch said. The two most common emotions he saw kids express were anger and humor – the hammer and the tickler, as he calls them. “[For] most of them, when the tickler doesn’t work, they pull out the hammer. Some of [them] are using hammers on things that need like a screwdriver. How do we help them learn to use more tools?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Branch has experience dealing with student anger. In the process of holding them to high expectations – often riding them to get their work done, show up on time and meet their commitments – students directed their frustration and anger at him. He encouraged it by telling them not to ignore their feelings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_56272\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1940px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-56272\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3.jpg\" alt=\"Ashanti Branch at his former high school, where he was also a dean, Fremont High.\" width=\"1940\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3.jpg 1940w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-800x445.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-1020x568.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-768x428.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-1536x855.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Ashanti-Branch-emotional-intelligence3-1920x1069.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1940px) 100vw, 1940px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ashanti Branch at an empty Fremont High School during the coronavirus pandemic. Ashanti graduated from Fremont and later became a dean there. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“‘Cuz I didn’t do it to make you mad. But it made you \u003cem>mad\u003c/em>, or it made you \u003cem>upset\u003c/em>, or \u003cem>sad\u003c/em> or \u003cem>embarrassed\u003c/em>,’ and I used those emotion words with them because they turn everything into anger,” he said. Branch said the boys he works with reach for anger because “in our community, where I live and a lot of them live, anger is respected by men.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Branch started to realize the unique trap these young men he cared about were in, he started looking for more resources. He joined several men’s groups including ones offered by \u003ca href=\"https://mankindproject.org/\">The Mankind Project\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.evryman.com/\">Evryman\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.mentordiscoverinspire.org/\">MDI\u003c/a>. He realized he’d been looking for that kind of gender-specific space for a while – a place where he could share openly with other men about the unique challenges of being men in this world. He discovered the power men can reclaim when they are vulnerable and talk about what they are feeling. And he was surprised to find he could trust other men to hold him accountable to his commitments and goals out of care and respect. He realized that his intuition to push his students to acknowledge and talk about their feelings was more important than ever.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\nThe Evolution of Ever Forward\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ashanti Branch taught in the classroom for 12 years, while running, supporting and fundraising for the Ever Forward Club on the side. But the crushing workload contributed to Branch having several serious panic attacks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I remember feeling so overwhelmed,” Branch said. “I didn’t know any better, but to give 100%.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He wanted to have a more systemic impact, and he wanted the work to be sustainable for him, so he moved into school administration. After a few years, that didn’t seem right either, so Branch decided to start an official non-profit, \u003ca href=\"https://everforwardclub.org/\">Ever Forward/Siempre Adelante\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ever Forward/Siempre Adelante works on three levels: It supports Ever Forward Clubs in schools, provides professional development to teachers and administrators interested in this kind of mentoring work, and creates outward facing opportunities for schools to engage in the work through efforts like the \u003ca href=\"https://everforwardclub.org/100kmasks\">#100kMaskChallenge\u003c/a>, a simple activity that can help adults learn more about what’s going on in the lives of their students.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/hc45-ptHMxo'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/hc45-ptHMxo'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\nEver Forward at Academy of Alameda\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carlos Velazquez runs an Ever Forward Club at Academy of Alameda, in a city just outside of Oakland. Like Ashanti Branch, Velazquez experienced the power of men’s groups in his own life. He started attending a group at \u003ca href=\"https://laclinica.org/location/la-clinica-fruitvale-village/\">La Clinica de la Raza\u003c/a>, in the Fruitvale neighborhood of Oakland, while trying to make some changes in his personal life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_56273\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1940px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-56273\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence.jpg\" alt=\"Carlos Velazquez poses with a mask on at Academy of Alameda.\" width=\"1940\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence.jpg 1940w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-800x445.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-1020x568.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-768x428.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-1536x855.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-emotional-intelligence-1920x1069.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1940px) 100vw, 1940px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Carlos Velazquez poses with a mask on outside a classroom at Academy of Alameda. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>He began to realize that he’d grown up with some toxic messages about what it means to be a man – treat women badly, don’t ask for help, do everything on your own – and those were adversely affecting his romantic relationships. As he began to unpack and dismantle the messages he’d been taught explicitly and implicitly about how to be a man, he also started wondering if he could help his students see a different way of doing things.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m well aware that conditioning and socialization is super heavy,” Velazquez said. “These kids are getting messages of what it means to be a man constantly. And I know I’m going against that. And so for me, my hope for them is that seeds get planted that show them that, yes, there is another way for a man to be in this world.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Velazquez’ school runs an advisory program. The Ever Forward Club fits into that structure. Velazquez meets with his group of about 20 middle school boys four times a week. One of those meetings always focuses on checking in and talking about how the boys are feeling. The other three meetings cover more traditional advisory activities like academic support and study skills.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_56274\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 640px\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-large wp-image-56274\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-1020x1292.jpg\" alt=\"Carlos Velazquez\" width=\"640\" height=\"811\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-1020x1292.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-800x1013.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-160x203.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez-768x973.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/07/Carlos-Velazquez.jpg 1091w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Carlos Velazquez on his back deck. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Carlos Velazquez)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“They can be pretty rowdy sometimes because they come in from whatever class they had before and they bring that energy,” Velazquez said about the students’ transition to the meetings. When COVID-19 forced schools to close, and students to shelter in place, the group met via Zoom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The group starts most meetings by reciting the \u003ca href=\"http://vue.annenberginstitute.org/perspectives/lak%E2%80%99ech-you-are-my-other\">Inlakesh poem\u003c/a> based on Mayan principals. Velazquez says the poem helps create “sacred space” in the group, drawing a line between what happened before the meeting, and the vulnerable space they will share together. It’s not easy. The boys often don’t open up right away. Velazquez has found that he has to model the vulnerability and language he hopes to see, and then often the boys will follow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The first time I remember that I felt safe to share in the group was when one of the boys shared something about their home life. Something they would never share in any circumstance,” said Angel, an eighth grader at the Academy of Alameda. “That was what first gave me a lot of trust in the group.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Angel said he feels better knowing the boys in the group are there to support him because it’s hard to ask for help or talk about feelings in other parts of his life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“People would think of you as weird or like too much for anyone else to handle,” Angel said. “It doesn’t feel too safe because you feel like other people are going to make fun of you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It can be hard to know if the Ever Forward Club is having much of an effect. Velazquez says his boys still get in fights; they still struggle in school sometimes; they still mess up. But he gets glimpses that it’s working. For example, a math teacher told him that three boys from his group stood out to her because of the way they collaborated productively in her class. Or, when Velazquez asks for help supporting a group member who is struggling, all the boys will volunteer. Those are the moments that give him hope.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Future of Ever Forward/Siempre Adelante\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ashanti Branch has spent the last several years trying to convince other schools that this work is worth investment. It has been an uphill battle. Schools have limited budgets and many competing priorities – especially now that the coronavirus has decimated the funds states have to allocate for education, while at the same time requiring expensive changes to staffing and facilities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But even before the global pandemic upended how schools operate, Branch found many educators and administrators resistant to his message. Some didn’t believe boys need gender-specific support, others didn’t have enough male teachers – and especially not \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11791679/the-future-is-male-why-california-needs-more-male-teachers-of-color\">male teachers of color\u003c/a> – to support the work. Meanwhile, \u003ca href=\"https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d18/tables/dt18_204.50.asp?current=yes\">national data shows\u003c/a> over 70% of emotional disturbance diagnoses are for boys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Every school is different,” Branch said, “But a lot of schools I go to, when we look at their suspension data, their attendance data, their referral data, young men are usually the highest number. Not every school, but a lot of schools. So why is it we don’t put money aside for a young men intervention program?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The challenges of creating spaces like Ever Forward Clubs at schools intersect with so many other thorny issues in education: teacher shortages, faculty diversity, lack of funding, overburdened teachers and administrators, parental support and lack of time, to name just a few.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Branch understands all these challenges – he lived them in school buildings for more than a decade – but he has also seen how boys blossom when they have a safe space to get academic and emotional support. All the boys in the first Ever Forward Club graduated high school. Kids were clamoring to join, and Branch eventually started a separate group for young women who demanded something similar.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Our young men are humans and they have big hearts,” Branch said. “But they’ve been taught to shut them down. And that’s the scariest thing I see.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ever Forward/Siempre Adelante is now thinking creatively about how to make the biggest impact. In the 2020 school year Branch started a program for students to start Ever Forward Clubs at their schools. He’s considered partnering with community organizations to run clubs, hoping to find more consistency in funding and staffing there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He said his work started with boys of color because that was who he taught, but the longer he does this work, the more he realizes students and teachers are all wearing masks of different kinds. Everyone can benefit from this work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He thinks we’d all be better off if we start acknowledging the difference between what we present and what we’re really feeling. And make space to talk about it.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/56268/how-learning-emotional-skills-can-help-boys-become-men","authors":["234"],"programs":["mindshift_21847"],"categories":["mindshift_21130","mindshift_21848"],"tags":["mindshift_20589","mindshift_21157","mindshift_21363","mindshift_20784","mindshift_1040","mindshift_21330","mindshift_20865","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_56270","label":"mindshift_21847"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.","airtime":"SUN 2pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Possible-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.possible.fm/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Possible"},"link":"/radio/program/possible","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/possible/id1677184070","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/730YpdUSNlMyPQwNnyjp4k"}},"1a":{"id":"1a","title":"1A","info":"1A is home to the national conversation. 1A brings on great guests and frames the best debate in ways that make you think, share and engage.","airtime":"MON-THU 11pm-12am","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/1a.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://the1a.org/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/1a","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=1188724250&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/1A-p947376/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510316/podcast.xml"}},"all-things-considered":{"id":"all-things-considered","title":"All Things Considered","info":"Every weekday, \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em> hosts Robert Siegel, Audie Cornish, Ari Shapiro, and Kelly McEvers present the program's trademark mix of news, interviews, commentaries, reviews, and offbeat features. Michel Martin hosts on the weekends.","airtime":"MON-FRI 1pm-2pm, 4:30pm-6:30pm\u003cbr />SAT-SUN 5pm-6pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/All-Things-Considered-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.npr.org/programs/all-things-considered/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/all-things-considered"},"american-suburb-podcast":{"id":"american-suburb-podcast","title":"American Suburb: The Podcast","tagline":"The flip side of gentrification, told through one town","info":"Gentrification is changing cities across America, forcing people from neighborhoods they have long called home. Call them the displaced. Now those priced out of the Bay Area are looking for a better life in an unlikely place. American Suburb follows this migration to one California town along the Delta, 45 miles from San Francisco. But is this once sleepy suburb ready for them?","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/American-Suburb-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"13"},"link":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?mt=2&id=1287748328","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/American-Suburb-p1086805/","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkMzMDExODgxNjA5"}},"baycurious":{"id":"baycurious","title":"Bay Curious","tagline":"Exploring the Bay Area, one question at a time","info":"KQED’s new podcast, Bay Curious, gets to the bottom of the mysteries — both profound and peculiar — that give the Bay Area its unique identity. And we’ll do it with your help! You ask the questions. You decide what Bay Curious investigates. And you join us on the journey to find the answers.","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Bay-Curious-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"\"KQED Bay Curious","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/baycurious","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"4"},"link":"/podcasts/baycurious","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bay-curious/id1172473406","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/500557090/bay-curious","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/category/bay-curious-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93dzIua3FlZC5vcmcvbmV3cy9jYXRlZ29yeS9iYXktY3VyaW91cy1wb2RjYXN0L2ZlZWQvcG9kY2FzdA","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/bay-curious","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/6O76IdmhixfijmhTZLIJ8k"}},"bbc-world-service":{"id":"bbc-world-service","title":"BBC World Service","info":"The day's top stories from BBC News compiled twice daily in the week, once at weekends.","airtime":"MON-FRI 9pm-10pm, TUE-FRI 1am-2am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/BBC-World-Service-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/live:bbc_world_service","meta":{"site":"news","source":"BBC World Service"},"link":"/radio/program/bbc-world-service","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/global-news-podcast/id135067274?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/BBC-World-Service-p455581/","rss":"https://podcasts.files.bbci.co.uk/p02nq0gn.rss"}},"code-switch-life-kit":{"id":"code-switch-life-kit","title":"Code Switch / Life Kit","info":"\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em>, which listeners will hear in the first part of the hour, has fearless and much-needed conversations about race. Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. Because everyone needs a little help being human.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch\">\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/lifekit\">\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />","airtime":"SUN 9pm-10pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Code-Switch-Life-Kit-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","meta":{"site":"radio","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/code-switch-life-kit","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/1112190608?mt=2&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnByLm9yZy9yc3MvcG9kY2FzdC5waHA_aWQ9NTEwMzEy","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/3bExJ9JQpkwNhoHvaIIuyV","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510312/podcast.xml"}},"commonwealth-club":{"id":"commonwealth-club","title":"Commonwealth Club of California Podcast","info":"The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. As a non-partisan forum, The Club brings to the public airwaves diverse viewpoints on important topics. The Club's weekly radio broadcast - the oldest in the U.S., dating back to 1924 - is carried across the nation on public radio stations and is now podcasting. Our website archive features audio of our recent programs, as well as selected speeches from our long and distinguished history. This podcast feed is usually updated twice a week and is always un-edited.","airtime":"THU 10pm, FRI 1am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Commonwealth-Club-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.commonwealthclub.org/podcasts","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Commonwealth Club of California"},"link":"/radio/program/commonwealth-club","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/commonwealth-club-of-california-podcast/id976334034?mt=2","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cDovL3d3dy5jb21tb253ZWFsdGhjbHViLm9yZy9hdWRpby9wb2RjYXN0L3dlZWtseS54bWw","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/Commonwealth-Club-of-California-p1060/"}},"considerthis":{"id":"considerthis","title":"Consider This","tagline":"Make sense of the day","info":"Make sense of the day. Every weekday afternoon, Consider This helps you consider the major stories of the day in less than 15 minutes, featuring the reporting and storytelling resources of NPR. Plus, KQED’s Bianca Taylor brings you the local KQED news you need to know.","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Consider-This-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"Consider This from NPR and KQED","officialWebsiteLink":"/podcasts/considerthis","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"7"},"link":"/podcasts/considerthis","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1503226625?mt=2&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/coronavirusdaily","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5ucHIub3JnLzUxMDM1NS9wb2RjYXN0LnhtbA","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/3Z6JdCS2d0eFEpXHKI6WqH"}},"forum":{"id":"forum","title":"Forum","tagline":"The conversation starts here","info":"KQED’s live call-in program discussing local, state, national and international issues, as well as in-depth interviews.","airtime":"MON-FRI 9am-11am, 10pm-11pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Forum-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"KQED Forum with Mina Kim and Alexis Madrigal","officialWebsiteLink":"/forum","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"8"},"link":"/forum","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kqeds-forum/id73329719","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM5NTU3MzgxNjMz","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/432307980/forum","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqedfm-kqeds-forum-podcast","rss":"https://feeds.megaphone.fm/KQINC9557381633"}},"freakonomics-radio":{"id":"freakonomics-radio","title":"Freakonomics Radio","info":"Freakonomics Radio is a one-hour award-winning podcast and public-radio project hosted by Stephen Dubner, with co-author Steve Levitt as a regular guest. 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One of public radio's most popular programs, Fresh Air features intimate conversations with today's biggest luminaries.","airtime":"MON-FRI 7pm-8pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Fresh-Air-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/","meta":{"site":"radio","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/fresh-air","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/4s8b","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=214089682&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/Fresh-Air-p17/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/381444908/podcast.xml"}},"here-and-now":{"id":"here-and-now","title":"Here & Now","info":"A live production of NPR and WBUR Boston, in collaboration with stations across the country, Here & Now reflects the fluid world of news as it's happening in the middle of the day, with timely, in-depth news, interviews and conversation. Hosted by Robin Young, Jeremy Hobson and Tonya Mosley.","airtime":"MON-THU 11am-12pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Here-And-Now-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"http://www.wbur.org/hereandnow","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/here-and-now","subsdcribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?mt=2&id=426698661","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/Here--Now-p211/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510051/podcast.xml"}},"how-i-built-this":{"id":"how-i-built-this","title":"How I Built This with Guy Raz","info":"Guy Raz dives into the stories behind some of the world's best known companies. 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