How to Help a Friend Who's Lost Everything to Wildfire: Think Errands, Meals and Money

It’s a destructive and exhausting wildfire season, again. Already more than 100,000 residents around the Bay Area have been forced out of their homes in emergency evacuations as crews battle massive wildfires in the North Bay, East Bay and South Bay.

Do you know someone who lost their home in a fire? There are many things you can do to help – right away, in a few weeks and even a year from now. That help can range from simply offering moral support to cold, hard cash, to pitching in on errands.

Families can lose all their material possessions in a fire, from everyday necessities like clothing and computers to cherished memories contained in photos or diaries and essential documents like passports and birth certificates. The recovery process isn’t only about reacquiring things – it also involves months of slogging through the bureaucracy of insurance companies and government agencies and slowly rebuilding a sense of home and security. Survivors can use help with all of it.

“It was kindness from those near and far, friends and strangers, that created beauty in the midst of ugliness and healing in the midst of despair,” wrote Carolynn Spezza, who lost her home to the 2015 Valley Fire in Lake County.

Immediate Necessities

In the immediate aftermath of a fire, people need the basics: a toothbrush, toilet paper, phone chargers, pain medication — although if they’re staying in a hotel, some of these might be covered.

Other basic items needed right away? Clean socks, underwear and a change of clothes.

Items like shoes and jackets are helpful, but a little trickier. You can give away a bag of clothes, but unless you know someone’s size (and maybe fashion taste) you may not want to give them too much stuff that they’ll have to spend precious time sorting through.

In the weeks following the disaster, offering to shop for clothing together or giving a gift card are good options.

A Place to Stay

This one is pretty obvious. But the coronavirus pandemic does complicate matters, as questions about how to stay socially distant or potentially invite additional members into a "pod" will need to be a part of this conversation among all household members and fire survivors — especially since fire survivors won't likely be able to quarantine for 14 days before joining a household.

“Find them immediate housing; put out the call for longer term housing,” says Kim Anderson, whose San Francisco apartment burned in a 2016 fire.

Buy Groceries or Make a Meal

Offer to make a grocery run. Depending on whether the fire survivor has access to a refrigerator and kitchen, you might want to get foods that are nonperishable or ready-made.

Cook up a hot dinner and deliver it around mealtime. Or give a gift card to a local restaurant for a COVID-19-safe pickup, or to a meal delivery service that can bring takeout to wherever they’re staying.

Help With Debris Removal

Many people will want to go back to the site of their home and sift through the ashes to look for remnants of their belongings. Offer to go along, but be aware that this can be a difficult and emotional process.

“The sight of a lost home may be a sacred burial ground of a lost life. Focus on being a respectful guest with slow moments and quiet energy,” Spezza advises. “Allow your friend to remain the leader at all times. Ask where you should be and what you should pick through. Refrain from going into treasure hunt mode, even if the opportunity is compelling.”

Run Errands, Help With Paperwork

There’s a mountain of tasks facing anyone who’s lost their home in a fire so, if you’re local, offer to run errands. Picking up or dropping things off are a frequent need. You can also help with research, whether it’s online or jumping on the phone to make calls.

One of the more arduous tasks that many people face is documenting the belongings they lost in the fire for insurance purposes. You can help inventory items and their estimated values — it’s painstaking work that many hands can make lighter.

And a great tip from Anderson: you can donate expertise, like legal or accounting services.

Give Money or Gift Cards

Even if your loved ones are insured, insurance payouts won’t necessarily be coming right away. Meanwhile, there’s a long list of belongings that need to be stocked up again: pots and pans, clothing, school supplies and — eventually, when it’s time — furniture.

Cash never hurts, say most fire survivors, and gift cards are an excellent alternative. You can also organize fundraisers or collect donations on their behalf.

Giving household items, whether you buy them new as gifts or donate used ones, is also a good idea. But be thoughtful about it — many items, like appliances or furniture, can take up room, so be sure your friends or loved ones are ready to accept them.

Help With Cleaning

Whether it’s where they’re staying for the time being or a new place they’re moving in to, offer to clean — and bring along all the needed cleaning supplies, too.

Thoughtful Touches

Fires claim more than just physical belongings. So many experiences and memories live in yearbooks, photo albums, artwork, souvenirs — even trophies from sports teams.

You can try to hunt down an extra copy of someone’s high school yearbook — perhaps by calling their high school. You could create a scrapbook or dig up old photos and create a new photo album.

If there’s a holiday around the corner, like the Harvest Moon Festival, Thanksgiving or Hanukkah, some seasonal decorations can brighten up a living space. If you enjoy arts and crafts, consider sewing a Halloween costume or making a wreath.

A little bit of delight is important in times like this. Consider giving a box of relaxing teas or a book you think your friend will love.

Attention for Kids

Before the coronavirus pandemic, it was easier to offer to babysit or host a play date to give friends some much-needed downtime. Now, with COVID-19 precautions, you’ll want to discuss what everyone is comfortable doing.

Suggest taking the kids on outdoor activities that allow for social distancing, like bike rides or hikes, and consider giving books, toys, games and other things.

Attention for Pets

If your friends are staying in a hotel that doesn’t allow pets — or with someone who doesn’t have enough room to accommodate animals — offer to help pet-sit for as long as needed.

Be in Touch

Sometimes a simple text message is all it takes to let someone know you're thinking about them — but you need to be ready to take time to really listen.

If you don’t manage to jump in right away to help, don’t worry, the recovery process is measured in terms of months and years.

“Know that it is not too late; it will not be too late for at least two years,” Spezza writes. “It will not be too late to give kindness for quite awhile. This is a long haul.”

Don’t Know Anyone Who's Lost Their Home, But Still Want to Help?

These are just a few local organizations working to provide fire and disaster relief in the Bay Area:

• Santa Cruz County Community Foundation
• Napa Valley Community Foundation
• Monterey County Fire Relief Fund

The American Red Cross helps after a disaster with food, shelter and clothes and supports relief efforts on the ground or virtually. Find out more at redcross.org or 1-800-RED-CROSS. You can donate to the Red Cross via mail, phone or even the Alexa app.

And check out this list of resources we put together on how to help and where to donate.