I'm an artist, not a writer.
Also, sometimes I pee my pants a little.
By Serena Cole
Apocalypse Now: Our Love Affair with the End
Is San Francisco Making You a Food Jerk?
5 Rock & Roll Ways to Kickstart Your Summer
Bob's Burgers LIVE: A Dream Come True
Celebrity Schadenfreude: What Us Weekly Says About Us
A Style Guide for Straight Guys
Boob Swap: A Mother-Daughter Plastic Surgery Adventure
A Completely Subjective History of Girl Culture
How to Recognize the Reek of Grad School
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"disqusTitle": "Apocalypse Now: Our Love Affair with the End",
"title": "Apocalypse Now: Our Love Affair with the End",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5558\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 640px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/06/05/apocalypse-now-our-love-affair-with-the-end/theend/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5558\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-5558\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/theend.jpg\" alt=\"This is the End looks potentially like it could be the funniest apocalypse movie ever\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/theend.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/theend-400x225.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">\u003cem>This is the End\u003c/em> looks potentially like it could be the funniest apocalypse movie ever. Photo: Sony Pictures\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>2013 is definitely the year to take stock of your supplies, support NPR to get that emergency survival pack and gird your loins in preparation for the end of the world. If movies are any sign of what’s to come, it’s the real year of the apocalypse. With \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"This is the End\" href=\"http://www.thisistheend.com/site/\" target=\"_blank\">This is the End\u003c/a>\u003c/em> (June 12) and \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"WWZ\" href=\"http://www.worldwarzmovie.com\" target=\"_blank\">World War Z\u003c/a>\u003c/em> (June 21) opening just around the corner, \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"after earth\" href=\"http://youtu.be/CZIt20emgLY\" target=\"_blank\">After Earth\u003c/a>\u003c/em> and \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"Oblivion\" href=\"http://youtu.be/XmIIgE7eSak\" target=\"_blank\">Oblivion\u003c/a>\u003c/em> in the rearview, and \u003ca title=\"2013 movies\" href=\"http://www.vibe.com/photo-gallery/10-best-post-apocalyptic-movies-2013\" target=\"_blank\">a bunch of stuff still waiting for us\u003c/a>, we might just be heading towards the end. I know we had sad/funny \u003ca title=\"Seeking a Friend\" href=\"http://youtu.be/T43InzvBm-k\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>Seeking a Friend for the End of the World\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, the slowest movie on earth \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"Melancholia\" href=\"http://youtu.be/fcZWZhUozr4\" target=\"_blank\">Melancholia\u003c/a>\u003c/em> and super silly Nazis on the moon in \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"Iron Sky\" href=\"http://youtu.be/Py_IndUbcxc\" target=\"_blank\">Iron Sky\u003c/a>\u003c/em> last year, but that was soft stuff. Of course, the end of the world might not really be coming, but it’s starting to look like we are really ready, and maybe even looking forward to it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5543\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 350px\">\u003ca href=\"http://www.thehangline.com/creative-examples/billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5543\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-5543 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx-L-l_1ltO.jpeg\" alt=\"billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx-L-l_1ltO\" width=\"350\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx-L-l_1ltO.jpeg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx-L-l_1ltO-400x266.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 520px) 100vw, 520px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: \u003ca href=\"http://www.thehangline.com/creative-examples/billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx/\">The Hangline\u003c/a>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>For some research, I looked up \u003ca title=\"wiki end\" href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/End_Time\" target=\"_blank\">how Wikipedia defines ‘apocalypse’\u003c/a>, I was quickly lost in a sea of religious lists of how the world was presumed to end. It gets awfully specific: the world will end when this guy dies, or when you stop listening to what this guy says, etc. Religions are pretty self-serving after all, so it makes sense to claim yours is the only one to follow that will keep molten lava from burning your legs off in a myth of impending doom. One thing was certain in my half-attempt at researching the apocalypse for you; almost every culture believed or believes in it, including ancient Greece, the Vikings and surprisingly, Buddhists. And though the Mayans were proved wrong last year, looking to the secular channel of science reveals that even Isaac Newton said we are all probably going to die in 2060. So, we can look forward to another round of cult leader-sponsored billboards like in 2012, and then if we do make it, maybe a revival of an embarrassed Baptist term for the non-apocalypse in 1843, “\u003ca title=\"Big Disappointment\" href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment\" target=\"_blank\">The Big Disappointment\u003c/a>”, muttered by anyone in the future who was hoping their next door neighbors would die.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But what does our contemporary cinematic fascination with the end even mean? Could it be that even as we become more and more ambivalent about religion around the globe, we kind of long for an end to things anyway? Or is it actually, deep down inside, a fascination with a concept instilled in humanity -- a superiority complex that assumes whomever we are, we’d be the ones to make it out alive? Picture any movie where bad things are happening; aren’t we always along for the ride with the survivors? Apocalypse movies are basically assurances in our own indestructibility and an insurance policy that as long as we have a relatable hero in the frame, we’ll be OK, too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alright, I know, it’s just a movie. I know that when you watch \u003cem>Night of the Living Dead\u003c/em>, you don’t actually believe it’s happening for real. But the reason we watch movies is to be taken on a journey, to be told a story, and to live in a more exciting plot than the ones we find ourselves in daily. Perhaps the apocalypse is not as fantastic as \u003cem>The Wizard of Oz\u003c/em> type of movies we watched as kids, but those of us with darker souls can still revel in hugely varied end-of-times calamities for a two-hour fantasy ride. Want to get caught up in the reality of global warming but turn off the movie and pretend it’s all OK? Watch \u003cem>The Day After Tomorrow\u003c/em>. Get tired of everything, even taking a bath, and just wish a meteor would wipe out everything including you? \u003cem>Melancholia\u003c/em> will work. Want to live through pretty accurate social commentary on how everyone sucks, even when there’s fewer of you, and press on in hopes of living off-the-grid in a socialist fantasy? \u003cem>Children of Men\u003c/em>, \u003cem>28 Days Later\u003c/em>, or \u003cem>The Road\u003c/em> will do the trick. The options are endless! You still have aliens vs. patriotism, sexy ‘you’re-the-last-one-on-earth-and-you’re-hot’ romance, and fantasy-in-a-fantasy \u003cem>Matrix\u003c/em> scenarios, to name a few.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5569\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 350px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/06/05/apocalypse-now-our-love-affair-with-the-end/ryan-gosling-the-place-beyond-the-pines-05-600x400/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5569\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-5569\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/ryan-gosling-the-place-beyond-the-pines-05-600x400.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Focus Features\" width=\"350\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/ryan-gosling-the-place-beyond-the-pines-05-600x400.jpg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/ryan-gosling-the-place-beyond-the-pines-05-600x400-400x266.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Damn, boy, you're worth the ticket price. Photo: Focus Features\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Even if it’s not very cultured to admit, the truth is that I get way more excited about apocalypse movies than any other film genre. I’d rather be scared of the undead than thinking about my fractured relationship with my parents or watching Ashton Kutcher somehow get progressively more annoying. Plus, I am a totally cheap bastard and I refuse to pay what amounts to the price of a decent bottle of wine to see a movie with other loud people when I could see it on Netflix alone a year later, so I don’t go to the movies unless A) it’s scary and hopefully violent and explosive, or B) has Ryan Gosling covered in crappy tattoos.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being that the previews promise explosions, severed limbs, and panic-stricken mobs, I am 100% excited to see both \u003cem>This is the End\u003c/em> and \u003cem>World War Z\u003c/em> in the actual theater. Both movies use either hilarious comedians (Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson) or serious actors (Brad Pitt and the ginger in \u003cem>The Killing\u003c/em>) in silly action roles. Both promise bad dialogue and mega summer-movie-style action to play up the wink-wink tropes of the legacy of cult classics, and to scare the piss out of you. I also can’t get enough bromance stuff from guys like Seth Rogen or dark things about zombies, which \u003cem>World War Z\u003c/em> (hopefully smartly?) plays down in their description of a mysterious “pandemic.\" WWZ is also compared to the addictive TV show \u003cem>The Walking Dead\u003c/em> because of planned sequels. I can’t imagine them all being great, but I have my sweaty cash in hand (what is it these days, like $14, $15??) and I am ready to go into survival mode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcwTxRuq-uk&w=560&h=315]\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNs0vQgCWY0&w=560&h=315]\u003c/div>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5558\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 640px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/06/05/apocalypse-now-our-love-affair-with-the-end/theend/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5558\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-5558\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/theend.jpg\" alt=\"This is the End looks potentially like it could be the funniest apocalypse movie ever\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/theend.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/theend-400x225.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">\u003cem>This is the End\u003c/em> looks potentially like it could be the funniest apocalypse movie ever. Photo: Sony Pictures\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>2013 is definitely the year to take stock of your supplies, support NPR to get that emergency survival pack and gird your loins in preparation for the end of the world. If movies are any sign of what’s to come, it’s the real year of the apocalypse. With \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"This is the End\" href=\"http://www.thisistheend.com/site/\" target=\"_blank\">This is the End\u003c/a>\u003c/em> (June 12) and \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"WWZ\" href=\"http://www.worldwarzmovie.com\" target=\"_blank\">World War Z\u003c/a>\u003c/em> (June 21) opening just around the corner, \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"after earth\" href=\"http://youtu.be/CZIt20emgLY\" target=\"_blank\">After Earth\u003c/a>\u003c/em> and \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"Oblivion\" href=\"http://youtu.be/XmIIgE7eSak\" target=\"_blank\">Oblivion\u003c/a>\u003c/em> in the rearview, and \u003ca title=\"2013 movies\" href=\"http://www.vibe.com/photo-gallery/10-best-post-apocalyptic-movies-2013\" target=\"_blank\">a bunch of stuff still waiting for us\u003c/a>, we might just be heading towards the end. I know we had sad/funny \u003ca title=\"Seeking a Friend\" href=\"http://youtu.be/T43InzvBm-k\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>Seeking a Friend for the End of the World\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, the slowest movie on earth \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"Melancholia\" href=\"http://youtu.be/fcZWZhUozr4\" target=\"_blank\">Melancholia\u003c/a>\u003c/em> and super silly Nazis on the moon in \u003cem>\u003ca title=\"Iron Sky\" href=\"http://youtu.be/Py_IndUbcxc\" target=\"_blank\">Iron Sky\u003c/a>\u003c/em> last year, but that was soft stuff. Of course, the end of the world might not really be coming, but it’s starting to look like we are really ready, and maybe even looking forward to it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5543\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 350px\">\u003ca href=\"http://www.thehangline.com/creative-examples/billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5543\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-5543 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx-L-l_1ltO.jpeg\" alt=\"billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx-L-l_1ltO\" width=\"350\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx-L-l_1ltO.jpeg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx-L-l_1ltO-400x266.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 520px) 100vw, 520px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: \u003ca href=\"http://www.thehangline.com/creative-examples/billboard-destroyed-by-meteorite-in-pharr-tx/\">The Hangline\u003c/a>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>For some research, I looked up \u003ca title=\"wiki end\" href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/End_Time\" target=\"_blank\">how Wikipedia defines ‘apocalypse’\u003c/a>, I was quickly lost in a sea of religious lists of how the world was presumed to end. It gets awfully specific: the world will end when this guy dies, or when you stop listening to what this guy says, etc. Religions are pretty self-serving after all, so it makes sense to claim yours is the only one to follow that will keep molten lava from burning your legs off in a myth of impending doom. One thing was certain in my half-attempt at researching the apocalypse for you; almost every culture believed or believes in it, including ancient Greece, the Vikings and surprisingly, Buddhists. And though the Mayans were proved wrong last year, looking to the secular channel of science reveals that even Isaac Newton said we are all probably going to die in 2060. So, we can look forward to another round of cult leader-sponsored billboards like in 2012, and then if we do make it, maybe a revival of an embarrassed Baptist term for the non-apocalypse in 1843, “\u003ca title=\"Big Disappointment\" href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment\" target=\"_blank\">The Big Disappointment\u003c/a>”, muttered by anyone in the future who was hoping their next door neighbors would die.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But what does our contemporary cinematic fascination with the end even mean? Could it be that even as we become more and more ambivalent about religion around the globe, we kind of long for an end to things anyway? Or is it actually, deep down inside, a fascination with a concept instilled in humanity -- a superiority complex that assumes whomever we are, we’d be the ones to make it out alive? Picture any movie where bad things are happening; aren’t we always along for the ride with the survivors? Apocalypse movies are basically assurances in our own indestructibility and an insurance policy that as long as we have a relatable hero in the frame, we’ll be OK, too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alright, I know, it’s just a movie. I know that when you watch \u003cem>Night of the Living Dead\u003c/em>, you don’t actually believe it’s happening for real. But the reason we watch movies is to be taken on a journey, to be told a story, and to live in a more exciting plot than the ones we find ourselves in daily. Perhaps the apocalypse is not as fantastic as \u003cem>The Wizard of Oz\u003c/em> type of movies we watched as kids, but those of us with darker souls can still revel in hugely varied end-of-times calamities for a two-hour fantasy ride. Want to get caught up in the reality of global warming but turn off the movie and pretend it’s all OK? Watch \u003cem>The Day After Tomorrow\u003c/em>. Get tired of everything, even taking a bath, and just wish a meteor would wipe out everything including you? \u003cem>Melancholia\u003c/em> will work. Want to live through pretty accurate social commentary on how everyone sucks, even when there’s fewer of you, and press on in hopes of living off-the-grid in a socialist fantasy? \u003cem>Children of Men\u003c/em>, \u003cem>28 Days Later\u003c/em>, or \u003cem>The Road\u003c/em> will do the trick. The options are endless! You still have aliens vs. patriotism, sexy ‘you’re-the-last-one-on-earth-and-you’re-hot’ romance, and fantasy-in-a-fantasy \u003cem>Matrix\u003c/em> scenarios, to name a few.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5569\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 350px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/06/05/apocalypse-now-our-love-affair-with-the-end/ryan-gosling-the-place-beyond-the-pines-05-600x400/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5569\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-5569\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/ryan-gosling-the-place-beyond-the-pines-05-600x400.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Focus Features\" width=\"350\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/ryan-gosling-the-place-beyond-the-pines-05-600x400.jpg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/06/ryan-gosling-the-place-beyond-the-pines-05-600x400-400x266.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Damn, boy, you're worth the ticket price. Photo: Focus Features\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Even if it’s not very cultured to admit, the truth is that I get way more excited about apocalypse movies than any other film genre. I’d rather be scared of the undead than thinking about my fractured relationship with my parents or watching Ashton Kutcher somehow get progressively more annoying. Plus, I am a totally cheap bastard and I refuse to pay what amounts to the price of a decent bottle of wine to see a movie with other loud people when I could see it on Netflix alone a year later, so I don’t go to the movies unless A) it’s scary and hopefully violent and explosive, or B) has Ryan Gosling covered in crappy tattoos.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being that the previews promise explosions, severed limbs, and panic-stricken mobs, I am 100% excited to see both \u003cem>This is the End\u003c/em> and \u003cem>World War Z\u003c/em> in the actual theater. Both movies use either hilarious comedians (Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson) or serious actors (Brad Pitt and the ginger in \u003cem>The Killing\u003c/em>) in silly action roles. Both promise bad dialogue and mega summer-movie-style action to play up the wink-wink tropes of the legacy of cult classics, and to scare the piss out of you. I also can’t get enough bromance stuff from guys like Seth Rogen or dark things about zombies, which \u003cem>World War Z\u003c/em> (hopefully smartly?) plays down in their description of a mysterious “pandemic.\" WWZ is also compared to the addictive TV show \u003cem>The Walking Dead\u003c/em> because of planned sequels. I can’t imagine them all being great, but I have my sweaty cash in hand (what is it these days, like $14, $15??) and I am ready to go into survival mode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/HcwTxRuq-uk'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/HcwTxRuq-uk'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/MNs0vQgCWY0'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/MNs0vQgCWY0'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "Is San Francisco Making You a Food Jerk?",
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"content": "\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5196\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 516px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/28/is-san-francisco-making-you-a-food-jerk/edibleselby_int_releasedtoprinter_3_29-113/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5196\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5196\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/EdibleSelby_Int_ReleasedToPrinter_3_29-113-1024x744.jpg\" alt=\"EdibleSelby_Int_ReleasedToPrinter_3_29-113\" width=\"516\" height=\"375\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Food porn from the Edible Selby by Todd Selby, making the rest of us pie-makers look bad\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Last summer, I went to a good friend’s baby shower and, keeping in line with my greatest fears at these sorts of events (where the hostess knows the hodgepodge of bodies in the room but no one knows each other), I was forced to make small talk with a new person. When you don’t know people, there are very few topics of universal conversation. One of them is food. Because I had brought a homemade peach pie, I found myself cornered into a nauseating dialogue about peaches. The fact that I made the dough and filling from scratch should have been enough. We should have been able to say “how nice” and move on. But I found myself having to discuss the attributes of varieties of stone fruit with this girl, who seemed like kind of a food jerk. \u003cem>You just haven’t lived until you’ve had this variety dripping out of your mouth and warmed by the heat of the sun straight off the tree. I don't know how anyone could just eat a regular peach\u003c/em>. I was clearly not really living, but instead going to work everyday rather than hanging out in peach farms. I swallowed my pride at my beautiful rustic crust and also the dirty, secret truth that my peaches were domestic. Seriously, not only did I not pick them myself, I couldn’t afford to buy organic, and I would have died rather than tell this so-San Francisco of eaters, lest I be shunned and stoned to death by the rest of the taste-buds in the room.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Boring small talk about fruit at a party aside, I realized this whole SF foodie thing was getting out of control when I read an art interview where the artist was asked what he did besides make art. He responded that at the top of his list was “pruning his Meyer lemon tree.” Really? I know Meyers are supposed to be more “lemony,” but do you really need to name-drop your fruit tree? Have we gone so far in our obsession with food that we have replaced clothing labels with food varieties, to be bragged about in totally unrelated contexts? Isn’t boasting about your brand of fruit in an art interview the same as someone asking the question, “How do you get to work in the morning?” and me answering “I put on my Dior jeans one leg at a time before I get in the car.”?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">It’s not that I don’t totally value organic/local food, but I don’t really have all the time, patience and money it requires to go farm-to-table constantly. I'm not going to three different stores to make dinner. The problem is, after looking at \u003ca title=\"Bon Appetite\" href=\"http://www.bonappetit.com\" target=\"_blank\">Bon Appetite\u003c/a>, I am convinced that the only thing worth pairing \u003ca title=\"CSA\" href=\"http://fullbellyfarm.com\" target=\"_blank\">my CSA\u003c/a> chard with is a top quality piece of local organic fish that I end up spending more on than I did on my last pair of shoes. What's worse, our current climate of food obsession, intention and pairings makes me feel like I have to abide by Chez Panisse standards even when I am by myself, in case the food jerks ask me what I had for dinner or look at what I'm eating for leftovers the next day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5197\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 311px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/28/is-san-francisco-making-you-a-food-jerk/628x471-3/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5197\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-5197\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/628x4712.jpg\" alt=\"One of Pollan's many books: You better learn the rules.\" width=\"311\" height=\"471\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">One of Pollan's many books: You thought you knew how to eat, but you better learn the rules.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">This problem is that people in SF have too much time and money on their hands, driving an elitist city of food jerks. They have replaced all other activities with eating and cooking. Originally, it began innocently enough -- Michael Pollan, and Alice Waters before him, called for a new way of thinking about what you eat. Around the recession, these books, like \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Omnivore's_Dilemma\" target=\"_blank\">The Omnivore’s Dilemma\u003c/a>,\u003c/em> started suggesting spending more time in the kitchen and it suddenly became a thing to do to cook food instead of spend money on things. People got romantic visions of raising chickens in their roof-top gardens, and through things like \u003ca title=\"Edible Selby\" href=\"http://tmagazine.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/29/edible-selby-batter-up/\" target=\"_blank\">The Selby on the NY Times\u003c/a>, it became hip. People started carrying their own gray salt around with them everywhere and discussing heirloom tomatoes in general conversations. How did this spiral into a brand-whoring, one-up-manship sport akin to keeping up with bands and buying the latest labels at the mall? Because the same people who used to go to underground rock shows or Neiman Marcus are now making their own pickles in their state-of-the-art kitchens and then gloating about it on Instagram.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5198\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 480px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/28/is-san-francisco-making-you-a-food-jerk/weknowmemes-com/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5198\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-5198\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/weknowmemes.com_.jpeg\" alt=\"weknowmemes.com\" width=\"480\" height=\"349\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/weknowmemes.com_.jpeg 480w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/weknowmemes.com_-400x290.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 480px) 100vw, 480px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">From weknowmemes.com\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Worse still, I don’t even notice how awful a food jerk San Franciscan I've become until I go visit my mom in her small town up in the gold country. I don’t realize how much money I really do allow myself to spend on food until she shows me all the frozen packaged dinner options she bought from Grocery Outlet and I suggest I take her out to dinner rather than eat them. It’s not her fault; she’s retired and living on a fixed income. I, on the other hand, just paid $16 for cherries to make a pie. I am the food jerk. I am the one talking about what I got in my CSA box to my friends on the phone. I am the one looking up recipes for fennel, while my mom is giving me concerned looks. San Francisco has made me an embarrassed food jerk who sniffs at the hunk of cheddar and hunk of Swiss they call a cheese plate at the coffee shop in my mom’s town. I practically laughed when the waitress handed me the plate -- I really expected at least a bleu veiny wedge I don’t even like on principle. Just like an SF food jerk. How was I supposed to take photos of that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5196\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 516px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/28/is-san-francisco-making-you-a-food-jerk/edibleselby_int_releasedtoprinter_3_29-113/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5196\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5196\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/EdibleSelby_Int_ReleasedToPrinter_3_29-113-1024x744.jpg\" alt=\"EdibleSelby_Int_ReleasedToPrinter_3_29-113\" width=\"516\" height=\"375\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Food porn from the Edible Selby by Todd Selby, making the rest of us pie-makers look bad\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Last summer, I went to a good friend’s baby shower and, keeping in line with my greatest fears at these sorts of events (where the hostess knows the hodgepodge of bodies in the room but no one knows each other), I was forced to make small talk with a new person. When you don’t know people, there are very few topics of universal conversation. One of them is food. Because I had brought a homemade peach pie, I found myself cornered into a nauseating dialogue about peaches. The fact that I made the dough and filling from scratch should have been enough. We should have been able to say “how nice” and move on. But I found myself having to discuss the attributes of varieties of stone fruit with this girl, who seemed like kind of a food jerk. \u003cem>You just haven’t lived until you’ve had this variety dripping out of your mouth and warmed by the heat of the sun straight off the tree. I don't know how anyone could just eat a regular peach\u003c/em>. I was clearly not really living, but instead going to work everyday rather than hanging out in peach farms. I swallowed my pride at my beautiful rustic crust and also the dirty, secret truth that my peaches were domestic. Seriously, not only did I not pick them myself, I couldn’t afford to buy organic, and I would have died rather than tell this so-San Francisco of eaters, lest I be shunned and stoned to death by the rest of the taste-buds in the room.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Boring small talk about fruit at a party aside, I realized this whole SF foodie thing was getting out of control when I read an art interview where the artist was asked what he did besides make art. He responded that at the top of his list was “pruning his Meyer lemon tree.” Really? I know Meyers are supposed to be more “lemony,” but do you really need to name-drop your fruit tree? Have we gone so far in our obsession with food that we have replaced clothing labels with food varieties, to be bragged about in totally unrelated contexts? Isn’t boasting about your brand of fruit in an art interview the same as someone asking the question, “How do you get to work in the morning?” and me answering “I put on my Dior jeans one leg at a time before I get in the car.”?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">It’s not that I don’t totally value organic/local food, but I don’t really have all the time, patience and money it requires to go farm-to-table constantly. I'm not going to three different stores to make dinner. The problem is, after looking at \u003ca title=\"Bon Appetite\" href=\"http://www.bonappetit.com\" target=\"_blank\">Bon Appetite\u003c/a>, I am convinced that the only thing worth pairing \u003ca title=\"CSA\" href=\"http://fullbellyfarm.com\" target=\"_blank\">my CSA\u003c/a> chard with is a top quality piece of local organic fish that I end up spending more on than I did on my last pair of shoes. What's worse, our current climate of food obsession, intention and pairings makes me feel like I have to abide by Chez Panisse standards even when I am by myself, in case the food jerks ask me what I had for dinner or look at what I'm eating for leftovers the next day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5197\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 311px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/28/is-san-francisco-making-you-a-food-jerk/628x471-3/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5197\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-5197\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/628x4712.jpg\" alt=\"One of Pollan's many books: You better learn the rules.\" width=\"311\" height=\"471\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">One of Pollan's many books: You thought you knew how to eat, but you better learn the rules.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">This problem is that people in SF have too much time and money on their hands, driving an elitist city of food jerks. They have replaced all other activities with eating and cooking. Originally, it began innocently enough -- Michael Pollan, and Alice Waters before him, called for a new way of thinking about what you eat. Around the recession, these books, like \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Omnivore's_Dilemma\" target=\"_blank\">The Omnivore’s Dilemma\u003c/a>,\u003c/em> started suggesting spending more time in the kitchen and it suddenly became a thing to do to cook food instead of spend money on things. People got romantic visions of raising chickens in their roof-top gardens, and through things like \u003ca title=\"Edible Selby\" href=\"http://tmagazine.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/29/edible-selby-batter-up/\" target=\"_blank\">The Selby on the NY Times\u003c/a>, it became hip. People started carrying their own gray salt around with them everywhere and discussing heirloom tomatoes in general conversations. How did this spiral into a brand-whoring, one-up-manship sport akin to keeping up with bands and buying the latest labels at the mall? Because the same people who used to go to underground rock shows or Neiman Marcus are now making their own pickles in their state-of-the-art kitchens and then gloating about it on Instagram.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_5198\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 480px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/28/is-san-francisco-making-you-a-food-jerk/weknowmemes-com/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5198\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-5198\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/weknowmemes.com_.jpeg\" alt=\"weknowmemes.com\" width=\"480\" height=\"349\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/weknowmemes.com_.jpeg 480w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/weknowmemes.com_-400x290.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 480px) 100vw, 480px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">From weknowmemes.com\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Worse still, I don’t even notice how awful a food jerk San Franciscan I've become until I go visit my mom in her small town up in the gold country. I don’t realize how much money I really do allow myself to spend on food until she shows me all the frozen packaged dinner options she bought from Grocery Outlet and I suggest I take her out to dinner rather than eat them. It’s not her fault; she’s retired and living on a fixed income. I, on the other hand, just paid $16 for cherries to make a pie. I am the food jerk. I am the one talking about what I got in my CSA box to my friends on the phone. I am the one looking up recipes for fennel, while my mom is giving me concerned looks. San Francisco has made me an embarrassed food jerk who sniffs at the hunk of cheddar and hunk of Swiss they call a cheese plate at the coffee shop in my mom’s town. I practically laughed when the waitress handed me the plate -- I really expected at least a bleu veiny wedge I don’t even like on principle. Just like an SF food jerk. How was I supposed to take photos of that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "5 Rock & Roll Ways to Kickstart Your Summer",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmewc2Uqon4&w=420&h=315]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>While June 21 is officially the first day of summer, we all know the real beginning of summer starts the day school ends. Since I work at an art college, it's kinda like I'm Matthew McConaughey in the movie \u003cem>Dazed and Confused\u003c/em>: \"I get older, they stay the same age.\" While I'm not hitting on the seniors, I have been known to share burritos with them. When the last day of the semester ends (which is the upcoming magical date of May 10), I get excited at the thought of summer, too. Then it bitterly dawns on me that they're out in the sun, working on tans and getting crappy homemade tattoos. They're staying the same age while I am indeed getting older as I sit in front of my computer screen. Summer is happening without me, and probably without you, too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4454\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 512px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/06/five-rock-roll-ways-to-kickstart-your-summer/schools-out/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4454\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4454 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/schools-out.jpg\" alt=\"From Dazed and Confused\" width=\"512\" height=\"277\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/schools-out.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/schools-out-400x216.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 512px) 100vw, 512px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">From \u003cem>Dazed and Confused\u003c/em>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Even if you're not in school anymore or don't work at a school, the academic calendar determines a lot of variables in your fully employed life whether you notice or not. Certain parts of culture dry up while others get bloated as college kids and families with children plan their sunscreen-soaked vacations. Without large audiences at home, fashion takes a nap, TV shows go on sabbatical and art lays by the pool as collectors who use 'summer' as a verb do just that. When it seems like there's nothing left to do, you go for a walk in the Oakland hills on your day off and every person on the planet is already laying by the lake like a beach full of turds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I think we have been going about this seemingly unfair, glum 'summer-for-some' thing all wrong. Summer is in the attitude, not the time off. It's what you do during the hours past 5pm that count, and the part of you who wants to go recline in front of the TV in cat jammies must be denied. The part of you who plans on avoiding all outdoor areas for the next three months for fear of large sweaty crowds must also be denied.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My advice is, if you can't beat em, join em. Let's look to rock and roll to show us how to dial back our maturity level and jump start our summers by acting like a college kid again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Cut up your clothes: Weezer- \"Undone, the Sweater Song\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If there is one season which permits, if not requires, crappy clothes, it's summer. All those pants you have in the closet are just asking to be cut-offs, which will help you work on your tan-through-the fog San Francisco process of bronzing your legs. As for your fears of a less-than-bikini body, my friend Hilary advises, \"If you can't tone it, tan it.\" Also, when you destroy all your clothes, you have a great reason in the fall to go \"Back-to-School shopping.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHQqqM5sr7g]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Go to a house party: Jawbreaker- \"West Bay Invitational\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As '90s Bay Area band, Jawbreaker, states at the beginning of this video, there lies a literal great divide between Oakland and SF- the bridge. Whether you find yourself on either side of it, you owe it to your college kid self to talk your friends into crossing it at least once a week this summer. College kids do not bother with excuses like, \"How will I get home after the BART closes at midnight?\" The answer is obvious-- \u003cem>stay up all night\u003c/em>. And how could you bother feigning lack of interest when Blake Schwartzenbach is begging you, \"We're having this party/Please come/It won't be the same without you/Please come\"? Plus summer house parties mean BBQs. And sangria. So get over it and go already.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfaYkMz61HE?rel=0]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Go on a road trip: Iggy Pop- \"The Passenger\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you are still not feeling much like a summer kid on a break from rules and deadlines after you cut off your favorite jeans and cross the bay to drink pony kegs on someone's porch, a roadtrip is in order, stat! Even if you just drive aimlessly around the city like Iggy in one of my all-time favorite songs (which is equally awesome when covered by Siouxsie and the Banshees), sitting in the passenger seat watching the world unfurl before you is enough to make you feel more alive. Especially when you think of it like this: \"The city was made for you and me/So let's take a ride and see what's mine\".\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWSsDhaGfn8]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Make out with someone: Thin Lizzy- \"The Boys are Back in Town\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While the grown-up you curses the pestilent descent of kids in skinny colored jeans and dumb t-shirts into all of your favorite places, the new/old college kid you sees this as a gift from the summer gods. What's more summery than a fling? If you are single, (or into making bad decisions), find one of those younger boys who are back in town and put this song on the digital jukebox. Never mind the lame slow dancing in this 1976 video- Thin Lizzy is sexier and harder than most songs of the new generation, and you can be the one to teach that cute specimen you pulled into the corner all about it. I'll be your wingwoman on the sidelines, giving you a high-five.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quyB8PMTD3o]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Make some new friends: Palma Violets- \"Best of Friends\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This new band's video sums up all the parties you've been missing while you've been holed away in winter as an adult. Just put your ear to the ground, listen for screaming kids and guitars, and point yourself in the direction of the closest warehouse. With a cheap beer in one hand, and the hand of someone you just met in the other, it's time to laugh in the face of all the reasons you had for not going out on a Tuesday night. Summer, you find, has in fact been in full effect with unknown bands playing steamy basements all year. Go make some friends and show the crowd in that Thin Lizzy video how it's done.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poFXWUTEs1k&w=560&h=315]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time the real Summer Solstice comes around, you'll show up to the party with tan legs, windswept hair, shaky tattoos, and a league of college kids behind you, following your lust for life like a summertime Pied Piper. Enjoy it while you can!\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "You might be out of college, but that doesn't mean you can't celebrate the fact that school is out for the summer!",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/vmewc2Uqon4'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/vmewc2Uqon4'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>While June 21 is officially the first day of summer, we all know the real beginning of summer starts the day school ends. Since I work at an art college, it's kinda like I'm Matthew McConaughey in the movie \u003cem>Dazed and Confused\u003c/em>: \"I get older, they stay the same age.\" While I'm not hitting on the seniors, I have been known to share burritos with them. When the last day of the semester ends (which is the upcoming magical date of May 10), I get excited at the thought of summer, too. Then it bitterly dawns on me that they're out in the sun, working on tans and getting crappy homemade tattoos. They're staying the same age while I am indeed getting older as I sit in front of my computer screen. Summer is happening without me, and probably without you, too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4454\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 512px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/06/five-rock-roll-ways-to-kickstart-your-summer/schools-out/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4454\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4454 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/schools-out.jpg\" alt=\"From Dazed and Confused\" width=\"512\" height=\"277\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/schools-out.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/schools-out-400x216.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 512px) 100vw, 512px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">From \u003cem>Dazed and Confused\u003c/em>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Even if you're not in school anymore or don't work at a school, the academic calendar determines a lot of variables in your fully employed life whether you notice or not. Certain parts of culture dry up while others get bloated as college kids and families with children plan their sunscreen-soaked vacations. Without large audiences at home, fashion takes a nap, TV shows go on sabbatical and art lays by the pool as collectors who use 'summer' as a verb do just that. When it seems like there's nothing left to do, you go for a walk in the Oakland hills on your day off and every person on the planet is already laying by the lake like a beach full of turds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I think we have been going about this seemingly unfair, glum 'summer-for-some' thing all wrong. Summer is in the attitude, not the time off. It's what you do during the hours past 5pm that count, and the part of you who wants to go recline in front of the TV in cat jammies must be denied. The part of you who plans on avoiding all outdoor areas for the next three months for fear of large sweaty crowds must also be denied.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My advice is, if you can't beat em, join em. Let's look to rock and roll to show us how to dial back our maturity level and jump start our summers by acting like a college kid again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Cut up your clothes: Weezer- \"Undone, the Sweater Song\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If there is one season which permits, if not requires, crappy clothes, it's summer. All those pants you have in the closet are just asking to be cut-offs, which will help you work on your tan-through-the fog San Francisco process of bronzing your legs. As for your fears of a less-than-bikini body, my friend Hilary advises, \"If you can't tone it, tan it.\" Also, when you destroy all your clothes, you have a great reason in the fall to go \"Back-to-School shopping.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/LHQqqM5sr7g'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/LHQqqM5sr7g'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Go to a house party: Jawbreaker- \"West Bay Invitational\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As '90s Bay Area band, Jawbreaker, states at the beginning of this video, there lies a literal great divide between Oakland and SF- the bridge. Whether you find yourself on either side of it, you owe it to your college kid self to talk your friends into crossing it at least once a week this summer. College kids do not bother with excuses like, \"How will I get home after the BART closes at midnight?\" The answer is obvious-- \u003cem>stay up all night\u003c/em>. And how could you bother feigning lack of interest when Blake Schwartzenbach is begging you, \"We're having this party/Please come/It won't be the same without you/Please come\"? Plus summer house parties mean BBQs. And sangria. So get over it and go already.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/qfaYkMz61HE?rel=0'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/qfaYkMz61HE?rel=0'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Go on a road trip: Iggy Pop- \"The Passenger\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you are still not feeling much like a summer kid on a break from rules and deadlines after you cut off your favorite jeans and cross the bay to drink pony kegs on someone's porch, a roadtrip is in order, stat! Even if you just drive aimlessly around the city like Iggy in one of my all-time favorite songs (which is equally awesome when covered by Siouxsie and the Banshees), sitting in the passenger seat watching the world unfurl before you is enough to make you feel more alive. Especially when you think of it like this: \"The city was made for you and me/So let's take a ride and see what's mine\".\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/XWSsDhaGfn8'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/XWSsDhaGfn8'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Make out with someone: Thin Lizzy- \"The Boys are Back in Town\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While the grown-up you curses the pestilent descent of kids in skinny colored jeans and dumb t-shirts into all of your favorite places, the new/old college kid you sees this as a gift from the summer gods. What's more summery than a fling? If you are single, (or into making bad decisions), find one of those younger boys who are back in town and put this song on the digital jukebox. Never mind the lame slow dancing in this 1976 video- Thin Lizzy is sexier and harder than most songs of the new generation, and you can be the one to teach that cute specimen you pulled into the corner all about it. I'll be your wingwoman on the sidelines, giving you a high-five.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/quyB8PMTD3o'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/quyB8PMTD3o'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Make some new friends: Palma Violets- \"Best of Friends\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This new band's video sums up all the parties you've been missing while you've been holed away in winter as an adult. Just put your ear to the ground, listen for screaming kids and guitars, and point yourself in the direction of the closest warehouse. With a cheap beer in one hand, and the hand of someone you just met in the other, it's time to laugh in the face of all the reasons you had for not going out on a Tuesday night. Summer, you find, has in fact been in full effect with unknown bands playing steamy basements all year. Go make some friends and show the crowd in that Thin Lizzy video how it's done.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/poFXWUTEs1k'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/poFXWUTEs1k'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time the real Summer Solstice comes around, you'll show up to the party with tan legs, windswept hair, shaky tattoos, and a league of college kids behind you, following your lust for life like a summertime Pied Piper. Enjoy it while you can!\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>On Sunday nights I actually find myself planning my grocery store run in between the 7:00 rerun slot of \u003cstrong>\u003cem>Bob's Burgers\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> on Fox and the 8:30 slot of the new \u003cem>\u003cstrong>Bob's Burgers\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> episode. Some might consider it immature to plan my grown adult errands around episodes of an animated show on network television. Those people just haven't seen the genius of breathy, man-voiced awkward teen Tina, fart machine-obsessed Gene, or high-pitched and diabolical Louise, the children of equally weird and hilarious parents, Bob and Linda. Picture my delight in something I never thought possible: A LIVE \u003cem>BOB'S BURGERS \u003c/em>SHOW! Holy crap! Now you too can see the voices of your favorite dysfunctional family come to life on a San Francisco stage! There's stand-up comedy! Table reading! Fan Q & A! Sneak peeks! I can't wait to see the fart machine in action. Get your tickets \u003ca title=\"here\" href=\"http://concerts.livenation.com/event/1C004A44C84B5AAC?crosssite=TM_US:1825021:229776\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>SATURDAY, MAY 11 @ Nob Hill Masonic Auditorium Doors 7pm, Show 8pm\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/29/bobs-burgers-live-a-dream-come-true/bobs-live-tour/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4207\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4207\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Bobs-Live-Tour.jpg\" alt=\"Bobs Live Tour\" width=\"540\" height=\"699\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Bobs-Live-Tour.jpg 540w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Bobs-Live-Tour-400x517.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 540px) 100vw, 540px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you haven't seen the last season, you can stream it on Netflix. AND you can watch new episodes on \u003ca href=\"http://www.fox.com/bobsburgers/\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>, plus do daily fun stuff like \u003ca title=\"Tina Trivia\" href=\"http://www.fox.com/bobsburgers/quiz/tina-trivia\">Tina Trivia\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVJJ7JA1LBQ]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n",
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"excerpt": "Come see what Gene, Tina, and Louise look like in person! BOB'S BURGERS LIVE! comes to NOB HILL MASONIC AUDITORIUM on SATURDAY, MAY 11th",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>On Sunday nights I actually find myself planning my grocery store run in between the 7:00 rerun slot of \u003cstrong>\u003cem>Bob's Burgers\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> on Fox and the 8:30 slot of the new \u003cem>\u003cstrong>Bob's Burgers\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> episode. Some might consider it immature to plan my grown adult errands around episodes of an animated show on network television. Those people just haven't seen the genius of breathy, man-voiced awkward teen Tina, fart machine-obsessed Gene, or high-pitched and diabolical Louise, the children of equally weird and hilarious parents, Bob and Linda. Picture my delight in something I never thought possible: A LIVE \u003cem>BOB'S BURGERS \u003c/em>SHOW! Holy crap! Now you too can see the voices of your favorite dysfunctional family come to life on a San Francisco stage! There's stand-up comedy! Table reading! Fan Q & A! Sneak peeks! I can't wait to see the fart machine in action. Get your tickets \u003ca title=\"here\" href=\"http://concerts.livenation.com/event/1C004A44C84B5AAC?crosssite=TM_US:1825021:229776\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>SATURDAY, MAY 11 @ Nob Hill Masonic Auditorium Doors 7pm, Show 8pm\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/29/bobs-burgers-live-a-dream-come-true/bobs-live-tour/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4207\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4207\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Bobs-Live-Tour.jpg\" alt=\"Bobs Live Tour\" width=\"540\" height=\"699\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Bobs-Live-Tour.jpg 540w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Bobs-Live-Tour-400x517.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 540px) 100vw, 540px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you haven't seen the last season, you can stream it on Netflix. AND you can watch new episodes on \u003ca href=\"http://www.fox.com/bobsburgers/\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>, plus do daily fun stuff like \u003ca title=\"Tina Trivia\" href=\"http://www.fox.com/bobsburgers/quiz/tina-trivia\">Tina Trivia\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/WVJJ7JA1LBQ'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/WVJJ7JA1LBQ'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "Celebrity Schadenfreude: What Us Weekly Says About Us",
"title": "Celebrity Schadenfreude: What Us Weekly Says About Us",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Schadenfreude\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> is a deliciously German word which means ‘taking pleasure in the misfortune of others’, of which, surprisingly, there is no English translation. This is truly surprising given the amount of time we Americans spend taking great pleasure in all the pitfalls of our anointed celebrities. Picture Britney Spears: we grin sadistically when the pictures of her bald meltdown surface, even though it was our original interest in her pop career that made her millions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4127\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 224px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-a/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4127\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4127\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-a-224x300.jpg\" alt=\"We all live for the moment when the Fashion Police are called \" width=\"224\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">We all live for the moment when the Fashion Police are called\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>This is what \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em> was made for. It was created for our own entertainment at the expense of those who unfairly take up so much of our headspace. That, and escapist fantasies of the rich and famous. Strangely, a while ago someone signed me up for a free subscription to \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em>, \u003cem>Shape\u003c/em>, and \u003cem>Glamour\u003c/em>. I have no idea who it was, but I suspect my sister or my mom. They pour out of my mailbox and fill me with revulsion with their baby pics, teen trends, and beach bodies. I pull them out of the mail pile and throw them face down on the floor like I am going to catch a disease from them. Dumbness disease. This whole time I’ve been receiving the \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em>s for free, I have never actually read one. I worry mostly about my attention-span and my list of things to do. \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em> has been designed to keep you utterly enthralled in idiotic un-news from cover-to-cover, and then has the audacity to show up every week in your mailbox, retraining your brain to think of the things you’ve just mentally encrypted as interesting into yesterday’s news, and you start the whole obsessive process over again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4129\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 217px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/1364373919737-cached-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4129\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4129\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/1364373919737.cached1-217x300.jpg\" alt=\"Last week's issue- Gotta keep up!!\" width=\"217\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Last week's issue- Gotta keep up!!\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>While I have flipped through a few pages before, as I attempt to really examine my first issue, I thought we might take this uncharted journey into celebrity hate-love-love-to-hate of \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em> together, and try to study this specimen as dedicated explorers to see just what these pages really say about us as a culture.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4130\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 382px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-b/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4130\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4130\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-b.jpg\" alt=\"us b\" width=\"382\" height=\"512\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-b.jpg 478w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-b-400x535.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 382px) 100vw, 382px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The issue we're exploring is already outdated\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">My god, the cover is a real juicy one. Kim K and her enormous boobs just overflowing out of that spandex dress, (that you later learn is loaned from the fat sister), and the tiny British princess, Kate, eaking out her pregnancy ever-so-daintily and covered in plaid like a tartan doily. The main headline is in yellow all caps (a sign of serious importance): \u003cstrong>BABY WEIGHT BATTLES\u003c/strong>, second line: TOO THIN? TOO FAT? It makes you immediately wonder if they are battling each other. Then you think, “Yeah, baby battle! Fight, you fame-hungry whores!” Then the subtext grabs at your empathy: “Both six months pregnant, Kate & Kim are constantly bullied and judged. Inside their support systems and how they fight back.” Just who is actually bullying them and advertising their weight “problems”? If pictures like these weren’t published, neither of them would be “fighting back!” The magazine is simultaneously broadcasting their shame and tsking that darn media for creating these dramas. But then...if it wasn’t news to you, the magazine wouldn’t exist because they wouldn’t sell any issues, so inadvertently, we are to blame. Crap!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4131\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 224px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-e/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4131\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4131\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-e-224x300.jpg\" alt=\"I love the images where the magazine completely ignores when a celebrity is so clearly annoyed we are looking at them to talk about their pecs.\" width=\"224\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I love when the magazine completely ignores a celebrity being so clearly annoyed we are looking at them, to talk about their pecs.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The next part is “\u003cstrong>Who Wore it Best?\u003c/strong>” with the percentages tallied of a vote which supposedly happened regarding two similar ensembles on different celebrities. My hunch says it’s unhappy teens and moms on sudafed who are doing the voting online. Examining the winner and loser of the same-outfit-OMG-I-wanna-die contest says a lot more about our expectations of our fantasies than it does about who really looked better. Let’s take the easy one: Kris Jenner, (easily 50s +, Kim K’s mom, mega-millionaire media hound), vs Blake Lively, (known on-screen as the super stylish babe on \u003cem>Gossip Girl\u003c/em>, young and hot, hasn’t done anything scarring to her image in recent memory). The answer: 10% for Kris, 90% for Blake. Duh! This tells us about the avatars we live vicariously through as we look at famous people: We are a youth-obsessed culture, being thin and trim is an important sign of youth, and WE want to be likable- not media hungry and desperate. We \u003cem>love to hate\u003c/em> the media hungry and desperate. What I mean is that when we favor one of them, it’s because they embody something we wish we were, not because they looked ‘better.’\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4132\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 335px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-c/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4132\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4132\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-c.jpg\" alt=\"us c\" width=\"335\" height=\"448\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-c.jpg 478w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-c-400x535.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 335px) 100vw, 335px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">You're picking out yourself, not their outfit.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">And what do I mean by ‘\u003cem>we\u003cstrong>’\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> anyway? I don’t mean absolutely everybody- not your dad unless he’s reading it in the bathroom. Let’s examine the demographic of the magazine by looking at the ads and who they are targeting. That is the ‘we,’ and you and I are in it because somehow we picked up this copy. There are ads for quintessentially mainstream foods like Ritz crackers, Orbit gum, and Lunchables. This, plus the Honda and pet food ads, means they are targeting middle income families. And while people in places like San Francisco might find themselves eating Ritz crackers on accident, most over-educated foodie jerks in cities are making their own wheat thins rather than buying anything processed. (More on that in another post). So the ‘we’ are women in suburban neighborhoods with enough time, boredom and dispensable income on their hands to flip through the fantasy lives of others on a whim.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4134\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 224px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-m/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4134\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4134\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-m-224x300.jpg\" alt=\"us m\" width=\"224\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">This one is just weird- what the hell is an 'e' cigarette, and has Stephen Dorff's career really not taken off at all since that Sophia Coppola movie?\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">You know what else is advertised to death in this magazine? Baby products. Holy hell, there must be millions of moms just dying to dare to dream of having that immaculate Cuban romance that Jay Z just whisked Beyonce away on, (we even learn what the two ate for dinner), while they are lugging around screaming brats.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4135\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 382px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-j/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4135\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4135 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-j.jpg\" alt=\"Do you really need to know that she had the chicken?\" width=\"382\" height=\"512\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-j.jpg 478w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-j-400x535.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 382px) 100vw, 382px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Do you \u003cem>really\u003c/em> need to know that she had the chicken?\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Every other ad is for a diaper, or in one case, permanent birth control! Moms are the real demographic here, or why else would we care at all about all these mundane baby pics. My god! Who cares that Hilary Duff thinks her one-year-old is “so funny”? Moms who think their babies are “so hilarious,” too- that's who.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4133\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-i/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4133\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4133\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-i-300x224.jpg\" alt=\"Like it's hard to read how they are promoting products for babies right next to celebrity babies! Don't you want one now?\" width=\"300\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Like it's hard to read how they are promoting products for babies right next to celebrity babies! Don't you want one now? Better get Huggies for it!\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4137\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 335px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-n/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4137\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4137 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-n.jpg\" alt=\"How about permanent birth control? It's almost like sterilization!\" width=\"335\" height=\"448\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-n.jpg 478w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-n-400x535.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 335px) 100vw, 335px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">How about permanent birth control? It's almost like sterilization!\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Or worse, we’re supposed to care enough about stars’ pets to be able to name them in a quiz? Really!? What this says is that we are rewarded by subscribing so devoutly to this deluge of “interesting” tidbits that readers can actually gratuitously pat themselves on the back for knowing the stars so well. It’s almost like you are one! OMG!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4136\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 448px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-f/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4136\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4136 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-f.jpg\" alt=\"Don't have a baby? They know a pet is practically a baby, so here, buy cat litter just like a star!\" width=\"448\" height=\"335\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-f.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-f-400x298.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 448px) 100vw, 448px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Don't have a baby? They know a pet is practically a baby, so here, buy cat litter just like a star!\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Let’s talk about the fat thing. Yes, by comparison, actors and fashion models make us feel fat and so we hate them. Yet we wouldn’t accept anything less than perfection from them. Picture the humiliation of Kirsty Alley as she grew bigger and bigger and couldn’t get roles in anything anymore except for her own self-depricating show, \u003cem>Fat Actress\u003c/em> and then that tanked, too. Oh Kirsty. We don’t want to see a fat woman in the lead romantic role. That is, again, where our fantasy selves go, and our fantasy selves are hot. As impossible as the standards we set for celebrities are, the more eagerly we live to see their defeat because the window we gave them is too small on purpose. Jessica Simpson’s chipmunk cheeks: Oh, the horror! And the glee!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4138\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 224px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-d/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4138\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4138 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-d-224x300.jpg\" alt='\"Just keep it up, fatty!\", we drool with delight.' width=\"224\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">\"Just keep it up, fatty!\" we drool with delight.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4140\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 382px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-k/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4140\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4140 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-k.jpg\" alt=\"They call these women 'beautiful' in this spread, but they really know we are dying to pick apart what pregnancy can do to someone like Penelope Cruz.\" width=\"382\" height=\"512\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-k.jpg 478w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-k-400x535.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 382px) 100vw, 382px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">They call these women 'beautiful' in this spread, but they really know we are dying to pick apart what pregnancy can do to someone like Penelope Cruz.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>So when we look at articles like, “\u003cstrong>4 Ways to Spring Clean Your Workout: Wipe the slate and steal stars’ fitness tips!\u003c/strong>”, we are gently manipulated into falling into our own small window of hotness parameters we gave the stars. “Yeah! I’ll steal your secrets and be just as hot and then I’ll laugh even harder when you fail as an actress someday!” We’re encouraged to plan a girls’ trip like Reese Witherspoon, Drew Barrymore, and Cameron Diaz did at Bikini Bootcamp. First of all, even though Reese and Drew might look a little round, it’s only the photo comparisons to rock hard athletes like Diaz who make us even see them that way. Second, they have trainers, year round, plus money for a meal-planner and personal chef. Then there’s the fact that they have to look good or they will get fired. If you were going to get fired for having a muffin top, you’d lose it real quick. You can squeeze your thighs in and out as you read this and buy the yoga outfit the stars all wear to make yourself feel better about the fact that YOU are essentially the one who would be firing them by not seeing their movies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4139\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 518px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-l/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4139\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4139 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-l.jpg\" alt=\"Now after you're done eating like the stars, make sure to buy some terrible-tasting diet hippy pasta!\" width=\"518\" height=\"387\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-l.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-l-400x298.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 518px) 100vw, 518px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Now after you're done eating like the stars, make sure to buy some terrible-tasting diet hippy pasta!\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Oh geez, we just hit the tip of the iceberg but it’s time to end our explorer mission for the day. I could write an entire column about this magazine. One last thing we must talk about: A red circle splashed on the page with all-caps letters again: “\u003cstrong>STARS- THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!\u003c/strong>” This is like the Cadillac of \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em> pages because it is at once so ridiculous and yet the most consuming. Why? Why do we \u003cem>want\u003c/em> them to be like us? Is it so that we feel more on the same level with the mega-human we created and by that token have just elevated our own status? Or is it the reverse- \"If Tom Cruise can drink a Guinness he’s really no better than my drunk uncle Charlie”?\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4141\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 224px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-h/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4141\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4141\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-h-224x300.jpg\" alt=\"Look at Tom's pained expression, counting those calories.\" width=\"224\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Look at Tom's pained expression, counting those calories.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">And everything has so many exclamation points! \"They Tie Their Laces!\" We know these are pictures from sub-human cretin paparazzi photographers, and are one of two things: promotional shots for stars’ businesses, or embarrassing moments snared into digital cameras for our future glee. Gerard Depardieu: barely a notable figure in American stardom but fleeing a D.U.I. charge! Golden schadenfreude moment in the subtext below he “rides in a minivan cab!” just like us!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4142\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 518px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-g/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4142\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4142 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-g.jpg\" alt=\"Tori doesn't eat burgers. I can tell you that because I read it in Shape magazine.\" width=\"518\" height=\"387\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-g.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-g-400x298.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 518px) 100vw, 518px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Tori doesn't eat burgers. I can tell you that because I read it in \u003cem>Shape\u003c/em> magazine. Sometimes she eats sushi with rice because \"you have to let yourself live a little!\"\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 13px\">I can’t help but feel someone is condescending to me as I read this page. I’m sure it’s tongue-in-cheek, and perhaps the whole magazine is, really. It’s not made by one person in their living room, after all. This is a mega-business, run by an entire crack team of people to steal your attention and take your money, capitalizing on your desire for runination. But remember what I said before, it’s not really the magazine’s fault for being so stupid. It’s our own, for wanting it to be this way and forking out $4.49 for new un-news every week.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Let's explore the pages of Us Weekly together to see what the shockingly juicy celebrity train wreck footage says about ourselves.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Schadenfreude\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> is a deliciously German word which means ‘taking pleasure in the misfortune of others’, of which, surprisingly, there is no English translation. This is truly surprising given the amount of time we Americans spend taking great pleasure in all the pitfalls of our anointed celebrities. Picture Britney Spears: we grin sadistically when the pictures of her bald meltdown surface, even though it was our original interest in her pop career that made her millions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4127\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 224px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-a/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4127\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4127\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-a-224x300.jpg\" alt=\"We all live for the moment when the Fashion Police are called \" width=\"224\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">We all live for the moment when the Fashion Police are called\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>This is what \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em> was made for. It was created for our own entertainment at the expense of those who unfairly take up so much of our headspace. That, and escapist fantasies of the rich and famous. Strangely, a while ago someone signed me up for a free subscription to \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em>, \u003cem>Shape\u003c/em>, and \u003cem>Glamour\u003c/em>. I have no idea who it was, but I suspect my sister or my mom. They pour out of my mailbox and fill me with revulsion with their baby pics, teen trends, and beach bodies. I pull them out of the mail pile and throw them face down on the floor like I am going to catch a disease from them. Dumbness disease. This whole time I’ve been receiving the \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em>s for free, I have never actually read one. I worry mostly about my attention-span and my list of things to do. \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em> has been designed to keep you utterly enthralled in idiotic un-news from cover-to-cover, and then has the audacity to show up every week in your mailbox, retraining your brain to think of the things you’ve just mentally encrypted as interesting into yesterday’s news, and you start the whole obsessive process over again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4129\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 217px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/1364373919737-cached-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4129\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4129\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/1364373919737.cached1-217x300.jpg\" alt=\"Last week's issue- Gotta keep up!!\" width=\"217\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Last week's issue- Gotta keep up!!\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>While I have flipped through a few pages before, as I attempt to really examine my first issue, I thought we might take this uncharted journey into celebrity hate-love-love-to-hate of \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em> together, and try to study this specimen as dedicated explorers to see just what these pages really say about us as a culture.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4130\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 382px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-b/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4130\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4130\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-b.jpg\" alt=\"us b\" width=\"382\" height=\"512\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-b.jpg 478w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-b-400x535.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 382px) 100vw, 382px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The issue we're exploring is already outdated\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">My god, the cover is a real juicy one. Kim K and her enormous boobs just overflowing out of that spandex dress, (that you later learn is loaned from the fat sister), and the tiny British princess, Kate, eaking out her pregnancy ever-so-daintily and covered in plaid like a tartan doily. The main headline is in yellow all caps (a sign of serious importance): \u003cstrong>BABY WEIGHT BATTLES\u003c/strong>, second line: TOO THIN? TOO FAT? It makes you immediately wonder if they are battling each other. Then you think, “Yeah, baby battle! Fight, you fame-hungry whores!” Then the subtext grabs at your empathy: “Both six months pregnant, Kate & Kim are constantly bullied and judged. Inside their support systems and how they fight back.” Just who is actually bullying them and advertising their weight “problems”? If pictures like these weren’t published, neither of them would be “fighting back!” The magazine is simultaneously broadcasting their shame and tsking that darn media for creating these dramas. But then...if it wasn’t news to you, the magazine wouldn’t exist because they wouldn’t sell any issues, so inadvertently, we are to blame. Crap!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4131\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 224px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-e/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4131\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4131\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-e-224x300.jpg\" alt=\"I love the images where the magazine completely ignores when a celebrity is so clearly annoyed we are looking at them to talk about their pecs.\" width=\"224\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I love when the magazine completely ignores a celebrity being so clearly annoyed we are looking at them, to talk about their pecs.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The next part is “\u003cstrong>Who Wore it Best?\u003c/strong>” with the percentages tallied of a vote which supposedly happened regarding two similar ensembles on different celebrities. My hunch says it’s unhappy teens and moms on sudafed who are doing the voting online. Examining the winner and loser of the same-outfit-OMG-I-wanna-die contest says a lot more about our expectations of our fantasies than it does about who really looked better. Let’s take the easy one: Kris Jenner, (easily 50s +, Kim K’s mom, mega-millionaire media hound), vs Blake Lively, (known on-screen as the super stylish babe on \u003cem>Gossip Girl\u003c/em>, young and hot, hasn’t done anything scarring to her image in recent memory). The answer: 10% for Kris, 90% for Blake. Duh! This tells us about the avatars we live vicariously through as we look at famous people: We are a youth-obsessed culture, being thin and trim is an important sign of youth, and WE want to be likable- not media hungry and desperate. We \u003cem>love to hate\u003c/em> the media hungry and desperate. What I mean is that when we favor one of them, it’s because they embody something we wish we were, not because they looked ‘better.’\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4132\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 335px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-c/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4132\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4132\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-c.jpg\" alt=\"us c\" width=\"335\" height=\"448\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-c.jpg 478w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-c-400x535.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 335px) 100vw, 335px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">You're picking out yourself, not their outfit.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">And what do I mean by ‘\u003cem>we\u003cstrong>’\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> anyway? I don’t mean absolutely everybody- not your dad unless he’s reading it in the bathroom. Let’s examine the demographic of the magazine by looking at the ads and who they are targeting. That is the ‘we,’ and you and I are in it because somehow we picked up this copy. There are ads for quintessentially mainstream foods like Ritz crackers, Orbit gum, and Lunchables. This, plus the Honda and pet food ads, means they are targeting middle income families. And while people in places like San Francisco might find themselves eating Ritz crackers on accident, most over-educated foodie jerks in cities are making their own wheat thins rather than buying anything processed. (More on that in another post). So the ‘we’ are women in suburban neighborhoods with enough time, boredom and dispensable income on their hands to flip through the fantasy lives of others on a whim.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4134\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 224px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-m/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4134\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4134\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-m-224x300.jpg\" alt=\"us m\" width=\"224\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">This one is just weird- what the hell is an 'e' cigarette, and has Stephen Dorff's career really not taken off at all since that Sophia Coppola movie?\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">You know what else is advertised to death in this magazine? Baby products. Holy hell, there must be millions of moms just dying to dare to dream of having that immaculate Cuban romance that Jay Z just whisked Beyonce away on, (we even learn what the two ate for dinner), while they are lugging around screaming brats.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4135\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 382px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-j/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4135\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4135 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-j.jpg\" alt=\"Do you really need to know that she had the chicken?\" width=\"382\" height=\"512\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-j.jpg 478w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-j-400x535.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 382px) 100vw, 382px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Do you \u003cem>really\u003c/em> need to know that she had the chicken?\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Every other ad is for a diaper, or in one case, permanent birth control! Moms are the real demographic here, or why else would we care at all about all these mundane baby pics. My god! Who cares that Hilary Duff thinks her one-year-old is “so funny”? Moms who think their babies are “so hilarious,” too- that's who.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4133\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-i/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4133\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4133\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-i-300x224.jpg\" alt=\"Like it's hard to read how they are promoting products for babies right next to celebrity babies! Don't you want one now?\" width=\"300\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Like it's hard to read how they are promoting products for babies right next to celebrity babies! Don't you want one now? Better get Huggies for it!\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4137\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 335px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-n/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4137\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4137 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-n.jpg\" alt=\"How about permanent birth control? It's almost like sterilization!\" width=\"335\" height=\"448\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-n.jpg 478w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-n-400x535.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 335px) 100vw, 335px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">How about permanent birth control? It's almost like sterilization!\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Or worse, we’re supposed to care enough about stars’ pets to be able to name them in a quiz? Really!? What this says is that we are rewarded by subscribing so devoutly to this deluge of “interesting” tidbits that readers can actually gratuitously pat themselves on the back for knowing the stars so well. It’s almost like you are one! OMG!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4136\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 448px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-f/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4136\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4136 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-f.jpg\" alt=\"Don't have a baby? They know a pet is practically a baby, so here, buy cat litter just like a star!\" width=\"448\" height=\"335\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-f.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-f-400x298.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 448px) 100vw, 448px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Don't have a baby? They know a pet is practically a baby, so here, buy cat litter just like a star!\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Let’s talk about the fat thing. Yes, by comparison, actors and fashion models make us feel fat and so we hate them. Yet we wouldn’t accept anything less than perfection from them. Picture the humiliation of Kirsty Alley as she grew bigger and bigger and couldn’t get roles in anything anymore except for her own self-depricating show, \u003cem>Fat Actress\u003c/em> and then that tanked, too. Oh Kirsty. We don’t want to see a fat woman in the lead romantic role. That is, again, where our fantasy selves go, and our fantasy selves are hot. As impossible as the standards we set for celebrities are, the more eagerly we live to see their defeat because the window we gave them is too small on purpose. Jessica Simpson’s chipmunk cheeks: Oh, the horror! And the glee!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4138\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 224px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-d/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4138\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4138 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-d-224x300.jpg\" alt='\"Just keep it up, fatty!\", we drool with delight.' width=\"224\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">\"Just keep it up, fatty!\" we drool with delight.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4140\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 382px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-k/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4140\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4140 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-k.jpg\" alt=\"They call these women 'beautiful' in this spread, but they really know we are dying to pick apart what pregnancy can do to someone like Penelope Cruz.\" width=\"382\" height=\"512\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-k.jpg 478w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-k-400x535.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 382px) 100vw, 382px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">They call these women 'beautiful' in this spread, but they really know we are dying to pick apart what pregnancy can do to someone like Penelope Cruz.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>So when we look at articles like, “\u003cstrong>4 Ways to Spring Clean Your Workout: Wipe the slate and steal stars’ fitness tips!\u003c/strong>”, we are gently manipulated into falling into our own small window of hotness parameters we gave the stars. “Yeah! I’ll steal your secrets and be just as hot and then I’ll laugh even harder when you fail as an actress someday!” We’re encouraged to plan a girls’ trip like Reese Witherspoon, Drew Barrymore, and Cameron Diaz did at Bikini Bootcamp. First of all, even though Reese and Drew might look a little round, it’s only the photo comparisons to rock hard athletes like Diaz who make us even see them that way. Second, they have trainers, year round, plus money for a meal-planner and personal chef. Then there’s the fact that they have to look good or they will get fired. If you were going to get fired for having a muffin top, you’d lose it real quick. You can squeeze your thighs in and out as you read this and buy the yoga outfit the stars all wear to make yourself feel better about the fact that YOU are essentially the one who would be firing them by not seeing their movies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4139\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 518px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-l/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4139\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4139 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-l.jpg\" alt=\"Now after you're done eating like the stars, make sure to buy some terrible-tasting diet hippy pasta!\" width=\"518\" height=\"387\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-l.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-l-400x298.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 518px) 100vw, 518px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Now after you're done eating like the stars, make sure to buy some terrible-tasting diet hippy pasta!\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Oh geez, we just hit the tip of the iceberg but it’s time to end our explorer mission for the day. I could write an entire column about this magazine. One last thing we must talk about: A red circle splashed on the page with all-caps letters again: “\u003cstrong>STARS- THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!\u003c/strong>” This is like the Cadillac of \u003cem>Us Weekly\u003c/em> pages because it is at once so ridiculous and yet the most consuming. Why? Why do we \u003cem>want\u003c/em> them to be like us? Is it so that we feel more on the same level with the mega-human we created and by that token have just elevated our own status? Or is it the reverse- \"If Tom Cruise can drink a Guinness he’s really no better than my drunk uncle Charlie”?\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4141\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 224px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-h/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4141\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-4141\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-h-224x300.jpg\" alt=\"Look at Tom's pained expression, counting those calories.\" width=\"224\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Look at Tom's pained expression, counting those calories.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">And everything has so many exclamation points! \"They Tie Their Laces!\" We know these are pictures from sub-human cretin paparazzi photographers, and are one of two things: promotional shots for stars’ businesses, or embarrassing moments snared into digital cameras for our future glee. Gerard Depardieu: barely a notable figure in American stardom but fleeing a D.U.I. charge! Golden schadenfreude moment in the subtext below he “rides in a minivan cab!” just like us!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4142\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 518px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/24/celebrity-schadenfreude-what-us-weekly-says-about-us/us-g/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4142\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-4142 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-g.jpg\" alt=\"Tori doesn't eat burgers. I can tell you that because I read it in Shape magazine.\" width=\"518\" height=\"387\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-g.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/us-g-400x298.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 518px) 100vw, 518px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Tori doesn't eat burgers. I can tell you that because I read it in \u003cem>Shape\u003c/em> magazine. Sometimes she eats sushi with rice because \"you have to let yourself live a little!\"\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 13px\">I can’t help but feel someone is condescending to me as I read this page. I’m sure it’s tongue-in-cheek, and perhaps the whole magazine is, really. It’s not made by one person in their living room, after all. This is a mega-business, run by an entire crack team of people to steal your attention and take your money, capitalizing on your desire for runination. But remember what I said before, it’s not really the magazine’s fault for being so stupid. It’s our own, for wanting it to be this way and forking out $4.49 for new un-news every week.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "A Style Guide for Straight Guys",
"title": "A Style Guide for Straight Guys",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/01/a-style-guide-for-straight-guys/2091ea1/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3348\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-3348\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/2091EA1.jpg\" alt=\"2091EA~1\" width=\"720\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/2091EA1.jpg 720w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/2091EA1-400x222.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/2091EA1-672x372.jpg 672w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hello, boys. Frankly, if a man wrote an article attempting to guide my own dressing habits towards a more male-friendly appearance, I would be miffed and dismiss him entirely. What right does a man have to tell a woman how to dress? You've been throwing hints at us since the dawn of time, and we already know what you like, anyway. There's a reason Victoria's Secret and stores that sell stripper heels stay in business -- that's what you like, not what we like, and we'll agree to throw you a literal bone every once in awhile. The main thing to remember, however, is that women dress for women, as in, we wear fashion to impress and compete with each other. It doesn't have much to do with you. You will take us in a sack-like dress, just like \u003ca href=\"http://onthisdayinfashion.com/?p=11761\">Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink\u003c/a>, as long as you can eventually see our boobs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the other hand, straight men need to dress for women. They might not always do so, or they might not know how. What's at stake in our whole gender game is that \u003cem>you\u003c/em> need to convince \u003cem>us\u003c/em> to go home with you in our Molly Ringwald sack dress, so we can show you our boobs. If you aren't convincing, someone else just might be, and therein lies the scientific process of natural selection, my friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sure, there are other factors in the decision process -- I mean, we aren't \u003cem>completely\u003c/em> superficial, you have to be capable of having a conversation, etc, but what you need to understand is that we have a new world order out here. There was a time when women were just dying to get married because it was the only way we could survive. These days we've got our jobs and our cake, too. If you want to have a partner in crime, you've got to have a crime worth committing, if you catch my drift.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xevjs_dtkk8?rel=0&w=420&h=315]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>The bad news is that you don't really get a whole lot of clothing options in contemporary society. It's sad, but you basically just get the pants/shirt/jacket combo in various iterations. In my MFA thesis research on dress, I learned something important about your clothes. Back in the era of kings and serfdom, power was connoted with leisure. Men and women in high society got to convey their status through ostentatious fancy clothing. However, along came the Industrial Revolution. All of a sudden, power was synonymous with work. Men wore serious, identical suits because they were all of a sudden gettin' 'er done, while the wives became the family vehicles to show off. And in one swoop, you got stuck with a suit as your only means of style, and we got all the fabulousness. Sure, it seems unfair, but I think you still own most of the \u003cem>Fortune\u003c/em> 500 companies, so whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, in light of the dating and clothing rules I just mentioned, let's talk about your dressing options. Here are some gentle guidelines designed to help you get the girls.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> *There will always be exceptions to the rules.\u003c/strong> I just want to point out that this is a subjective and personal list designed to illustrate what girls like me will like, not all women.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are a few celebrities that I would take in any form. Joaquin Phoenix, for example. Even in his \u003ca href=\"http://youtu.be/JZTmw26RYJU\">crazy phase\u003c/a>, with the disheveled hair and stoner scat-speech, and/or because of his harelip, I would help him make a full recovery to normalcy and hotness. Or Eric Northman from \u003cem>True Blood\u003c/em>. Sure, cut your hair, fine. Sure, wear my tank top. I don't mind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>*If you are not a celebrity, but could pass for either of these men, dress however you want -- be my guest.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110143\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 420px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110143\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/tenor.gif\" alt=\"Hot viking vampire god, Eric Northman, a.k.a. Alexander Skarsgard, can dress in a pashmina for all I care.\" width=\"420\" height=\"284\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Hot viking vampire god, Eric Northman, a.k.a. Alexander Skarsgard, can dress in a pashmina for all I care.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110144\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 320px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110144\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/giphy.gif\" alt=\"Joaquin Phoenix can go crazy if he wants to.\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joaquin Phoenix can go crazy if he wants to.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Here are the obvious ones: \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>1. No pajamas in public. \u003c/strong>I know, just like us, you have days off and you don't feel like putting in much effort. But never, under any circumstances, are you allowed to cruise around town in your pajamas, unless you want everyone to know you are a homesick college student, or perhaps a crackhead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110145\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110145\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-800x523.jpg\" alt=\"No, Robert Downey Jr. No.\" width=\"800\" height=\"523\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-800x523.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-160x105.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-768x502.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-1020x667.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-1200x784.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-1920x1255.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">No, Robert Downey Jr. No. \u003ccite>(Scott Halleran/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>This goes for sweatpants, too. As Jerry Seinfeld can back me up, you basically just gave up on the world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0Hbu4Z4pGI?rel=0&w=420&h=315]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\n2. No white guy dreadlocks.\u003c/strong> If you have to spend a lot of time making your hair into a textured, smelly mess, it's probably not meant to be. Everyone has always known this, except for Winona Ryder, who made an unfortunate error in judgment by dating the lead singer of Soul Asylum in the '90s.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110146\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 327px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110146\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/MediocreMedicalAsp-small.gif\" alt=\"Winona Ryder's ex and his white boy dreads. \" width=\"327\" height=\"251\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Winona Ryder's ex and his white boy dreads.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>3. Dress like an adult.\u003c/strong> Also, if I can't see your ass, I can't see you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-110147\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-800x450.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-800x450.gif 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-160x90.gif 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-768x432.gif 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-1020x574.gif 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-1200x675.gif 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> 4. Speaking of pants, avoid \"jeggings.\" \u003c/strong>Please leave something to the imagination. Wearing girl jeans this tight tells me all I need to know and more about your chicken calves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110148\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/MasculineAccomplishedGhostshrimp-small.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>5. Obviously, no.\u003c/strong> We already talked about \u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/06/are-you-a-closet-goth/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">how I feel about these goth pants\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110149 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/InfatuatedVioletFlyingfox-size_restricted.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"327\" height=\"251\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>And here are the not-as-obvious ones: \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Wear a suit.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I know it's been the same for 200 years, but we women still like the way you look -- just like that Men's Warehouse commercial -- in a suit. We don't really want you to change. Which is why this image from \u003ca href=\"redcarpet-fashionawards.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">redcarpet-fashionawards.com\u003c/a> is so funny. The awards ceremonies, like weddings, are not really for you -- you just have to show up and hold a purse for someone else.\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/01/a-style-guide-for-straight-guys/redcarpet-fashionawards-com/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3283\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-3283\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/redcarpet-fashionawards.com_.jpg\" alt=\"redcarpet-fashionawards.com\" width=\"496\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/redcarpet-fashionawards.com_.jpg 620w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/redcarpet-fashionawards.com_-400x387.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/redcarpet-fashionawards.com_-32x32.jpg 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 496px) 100vw, 496px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong> 2. Don't be a douchebag. All I had to do was Google flip-flops.\u003c/strong> Fine, if you live in an ocean community, you can wear flip-flops. But somehow jocks got it in their head that if they combined baggy designer jeans and a guido-style button-up shirt with flip flops, it would be like catnip to us. Guess what? It's not. And we don't really want to see your feet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110140\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110140\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-800x547.jpg\" alt=\"I don't know how 'N Sync ever made it- there's only like 2 1/2 cute ones. And their stylist should be arrested. \" width=\"800\" height=\"547\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-800x547.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-160x109.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-768x525.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-1020x698.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-1200x821.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-1920x1313.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I don't know how 'N Sync ever made it- there's only like 2 1/2 cute ones. And their stylist should be arrested. \u003ccite>(LUCY NICHOLSON/AFP/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_3258\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/01/a-style-guide-for-straight-guys/forsale/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3258\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-3258\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/denverpost.cpm_-300x193.jpg\" alt=\"forsale\" width=\"300\" height=\"193\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Look at this guy I found on denverpost.com. Doesn't he just look like he is convinced he's living out some \"Scarface\" fantasy on his honeymoon while mountain climbing and wine-tasting?\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>3. There are limits.\u003c/strong> Even for two of the hottest men on the planet, you just can't ever wear a college-dropout scrubby beanie or a thin, patchouli-scented hippy scarf. Ever. David Beckham and Johnny Depp should know better.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110141\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110141\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-800x640.jpg\" alt=\"What's worse is that David Beckham is at a Lakers game, so it's probably not even cold out.\" width=\"800\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-800x640.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-160x128.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-768x614.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-1020x816.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-1200x960.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-1920x1536.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">What's worse is that David Beckham is at a Lakers game, so it's probably not even cold out. \u003ccite>(Noel Vasquez/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110142\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110142\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-800x722.jpg\" alt=\"Johnny Depp has been a pirate for too long.\" width=\"800\" height=\"722\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-800x722.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-160x144.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-768x693.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-1020x920.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-1200x1083.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-1920x1732.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Johnny Depp has been a pirate for too long. \u003ccite>(Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. You can't groom yourself more than we do.\u003c/strong> We don't like it when your hair looks better than ours, or when you use our fancy, expensive shampoo.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-110150\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/dappernm-800x450.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/dappernm-800x450.gif 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/dappernm-160x90.gif 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/dappernm-768x432.gif 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\"> If you're going to wear your hair long, it has to be a little unkept and ratty, a la the Grunge days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110151\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/giphy-1.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"364\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong> 5. Try going to an actual hair place and getting them to give you a real haircut.\u003c/strong> That means somewhere besides Supercuts and you will probably have to pay more than $10. Just do what we do, pick a celebrity, and copy them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110152\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 500px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110152\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"Morrissey just found a style and stuck with it for the last forty years. It works.\" width=\"500\" height=\"369\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Morrissey just found a style and stuck with it for the last forty years. It works.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. You have to at least attempt to look like you have a job.\u003c/strong> That might make it seem like we are gold-diggers, but we just don't want to have to pick you up from your warehouse you share with six roommates and have to get the tip for you every single time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110153\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>7. Brand-whoring doesn't work, and please stay away from anything Kanye wears, ever.\u003c/strong> What does it even mean to have a \u003ca href=\"https://www.pinterest.es/amanalone/fashion-world/\">Fendi logo on your head\u003c/a>? Did Silvia Fendi come over and shave it in? I sort of understand the hip hop act of appropriating the culture of wealth as antagonism, but it still just makes it look like you are giving a label power over you. And it also makes you look like a billboard, like you're essentially wearing a Budwesier t-shirt. If you want to convey you have money, you should wear things that are obviously well-made. Those who are in the know, will know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110154\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110154\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-800x522.jpg\" alt=\"Look, Will Smith understands understated. He's the boy, we just want him to look 'money', not wear $$money$$. \" width=\"800\" height=\"522\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-800x522.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-160x104.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-768x501.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-1020x665.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-1200x782.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-1920x1252.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Look, Will Smith understands understated. He's the boy, we just want him to look 'money', not wear $$money$$. \u003ccite>(Elisabetta Villa/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>8. If you don't have money, you can still fake it with a little swagger, a thrifted suit, and some crazy socks.\u003c/strong> Like this guy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110158\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-5.22.14-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"550\" height=\"365\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-5.22.14-PM.png 550w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-5.22.14-PM-160x106.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>9. Keep your clothes on, even if you go to the gym.\u003c/strong> Ok, so you're not into suits. Fine. You don't have to show us your muscles to denote masculinity instead of money. Muscles to me say one thing: you spend all your free time at the gym, which is both boring and intimidating.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110159\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-110159 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-800x540.jpg\" alt=\"Look how much better Henry Rollins looks in a black t-shirt and pants, compared to his naked performance below. If all else fails, go for black jeans and a t-shirt, any time.\" width=\"800\" height=\"540\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-800x540.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-160x108.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-768x519.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-1020x689.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-1200x810.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-1920x1297.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Look how much better Henry Rollins looks in a black t-shirt and pants, compared to when he's running around shirtless and flexing. If all else fails, go for black jeans and a t-shirt, any time. \u003ccite>(Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for A+E Networks)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>10. You don't have to be a muscle man to win our hearts.\u003c/strong> We are OK with you being super skinny or a little rotund, because it makes us feel better about ourselves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110162\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110162\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"The fine Mr. Adrien Brody, while sort of muscle-y, is probably made to be that way by his handlers since he is a movie star, after all. But I get the sense he is naturally super skinny.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-768x512.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-1200x800.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-1920x1280.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The fine Mr. Adrien Brody, while sort of muscle-y, is probably made to be that way by his handlers since he is a movie star, after all. But I get the sense he is naturally super skinny. \u003ccite>(BORIS HORVAT/AFP/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110163\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 480px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110163\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/196217268_805914644001_AMC-InsideTheKilling-S1-Character-StanLarsen.jpg\" alt='I kind of have a sweet spot for the teddy-bearish working man, Stan Larsen, from \"The Killing\". ' width=\"480\" height=\"270\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/196217268_805914644001_AMC-InsideTheKilling-S1-Character-StanLarsen.jpg 480w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/196217268_805914644001_AMC-InsideTheKilling-S1-Character-StanLarsen-160x90.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 480px) 100vw, 480px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I kind of have a sweet spot for the teddy-bearish working man, Stan Larsen, from \"The Killing\". \u003ccite>(AMC)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>11. Have confidence.\u003c/strong> Just look at Prince. He's a tiny man who wears ruffles, but I wouldn't trust myself alone with him. He is the definition of confidence, to a panty-dropping T.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110164\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Prince-Purple-Rain.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"768\" height=\"431\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Prince-Purple-Rain.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Prince-Purple-Rain-160x90.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\n\u003c/p>\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">Or, take Lemmy from Motorhead. Not the most attractive man, especially with the moles, but you can just look at him and tell he knows exactly what he likes and who he is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110165\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110165\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-800x525.jpg\" alt=\"Lemmy likes black and cowboy hats, and has been wearing the same thing for forty years. He also has too much speed in his veins to ever safely detox or he'll go into shock, but we don't have to talk about that.\" width=\"800\" height=\"525\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-800x525.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-160x105.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-768x504.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-1020x669.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-1200x788.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-1920x1260.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lemmy likes black and cowboy hats, and has been wearing the same thing for forty years. He also has too much speed in his veins to ever safely detox or he'll go into shock, but we don't have to talk about that. \u003ccite>(Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>12. Speaking of Lemmy, be a bad boy.\u003c/strong> I mean, if you have those tendencies. If not, don't fake it. Until we get older, bad boys have their time and place as a great distraction from our boring lives.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110166\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110166\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/stones1_wide-64af8c85861fd98ad06fcc90d4b2c92cc5082ff5-s800-c85-800x449.jpg\" alt=\"Mick Jagger and Keith Richards in all their sexy, '70s glory. \" width=\"800\" height=\"449\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/stones1_wide-64af8c85861fd98ad06fcc90d4b2c92cc5082ff5-s800-c85.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/stones1_wide-64af8c85861fd98ad06fcc90d4b2c92cc5082ff5-s800-c85-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/stones1_wide-64af8c85861fd98ad06fcc90d4b2c92cc5082ff5-s800-c85-768x431.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Mick Jagger and Keith Richards in all their sexy, '70s glory. \u003ccite>('Stones In Exile')\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">Sooner or later, we grow out of bad boys. Probably because they don't age well. And if they're not rock stars, they have a high chance of becoming the homeless alcoholics that live near your dumpster.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110167\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110167\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-800x658.jpg\" alt=\"Not quite as sexy now, are they? \" width=\"800\" height=\"658\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-800x658.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-160x132.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-768x632.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-1020x840.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-1200x988.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-1920x1580.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Not quite as sexy now, are they? \u003ccite>(BORIS HORVAT/AFP/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>13. Did we talk about how hot tattoos are?\u003c/strong> OK, I know it's such a cliche, and I am outing myself big time right now for being so superficial, but tattoos totally work. As in, on my wild, wild heart. But the reason is not that they signify tough guys, cause yeah, I know that they do, but because to me, they say that you don't take yourself so seriously. Why does your body have to be a temple? Can't it just be some thing you write dumb things on? It's especially refreshing when you're not afraid to get stupid tattoos, like Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and his elephants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110168 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/tenor-1.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"372\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>14. Let's talk about shoes.\u003c/strong> If you are one of those guys with a sneaker collection, you're just showing the world that you are an over-paid infantile computer programmer who plays video games with internet strangers every day of the week instead of spending your money on a few pairs of classy shoes that you could wear to a nice restaurant. You think your day-glo sneakers express how \"funky fresh\" you are, but they don't.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_3288\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 429px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/01/a-style-guide-for-straight-guys/melrosenadspaulding-com/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3288\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-3288\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/melrosenadspaulding.com_-682x1024.jpg\" alt=\"melrosenadspaulding.com\" width=\"429\" height=\"645\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Just get some Vans. From melroseandspaulding.com.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">Maybe try Red Wing worker boots with a good pair of jeans?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-110169\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-1200x800.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-1920x1280.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>15. I'll respect your authority occasionally.\u003c/strong> These boots touch on another slightly underplayed style trait that girls like to secretly dig: Authority is hot. These boots remind me of both a punk and a cop and I am pretty into it. Let me state for the record that yes, of course, cops are lame, but, just like your \"madonna/whore\" complex, girls are equally into boot-wearing authority figures and soft-spoken boat shoes kind of boys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110176\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-6.29.52-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"586\" height=\"387\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-6.29.52-PM.png 586w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-6.29.52-PM-160x106.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 586px) 100vw, 586px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\n\u003c/p>\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>16. Enough with the beards. Seriously.\u003c/strong> Did you hear me, San Francisco? Enough. Look, I know that shaving is probably really annoying, but please \u003cem>think\u003c/em> about shaving.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110170\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/tenor-1-1.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">And another thing about beards: Let the bears have their culture back. I'm sure they are annoyed and confused.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/01/a-style-guide-for-straight-guys/6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a5ccb10c970b/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3291\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3291\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a5ccb10c970b.jpg\" alt=\"6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a5ccb10c970b\" width=\"300\" height=\"391\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>17. Wear clothes that fit you.\u003c/strong> Look at this guy -- he's just some regular guy, but he looks great because he is actually wearing the right size. If you are confused, ask a salesperson to help you. That's what they are there for. Or take a gay or a girl along. That's what \u003cem>they\u003c/em> are there for.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-110171\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-800x788.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"788\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-800x788.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-160x158.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-768x756.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-1020x1005.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-1200x1182.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-1920x1891.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>18. When in doubt, go nautical.\u003c/strong> Never underestimate the appeal of a sailor outfit or a grandpa cardigan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110174\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/giphy-4.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>19. Dress like a normal person.\u003c/strong> Look at this guy. He's just a dude, wearing dude clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-110172\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-1200x800.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-1920x1280.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So I should probably tell you that my boyfriend is European, so I have it easier than most, and maybe he has raised my expectations. He knows how to wear a pair of pants that fit, but that doesn't mean he is a walk in the park. Every time he agrees to go shopping, we spend an hour on his clothes and then he's too tired when I want to shop for myself. That being said, it's opened my eyes to your potential, boys. So, remember what we talked about -- there are things that girls like and things that we don't, but above all else just remember...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>20. Be yourself. \u003c/strong>But try a little.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Do you wear sweatpants? Day-glo sneakers? Flip flops to dinner? Denied! Here are some guidelines for how to get the girls.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/01/a-style-guide-for-straight-guys/2091ea1/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3348\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-3348\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/2091EA1.jpg\" alt=\"2091EA~1\" width=\"720\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/2091EA1.jpg 720w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/2091EA1-400x222.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/2091EA1-672x372.jpg 672w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hello, boys. Frankly, if a man wrote an article attempting to guide my own dressing habits towards a more male-friendly appearance, I would be miffed and dismiss him entirely. What right does a man have to tell a woman how to dress? You've been throwing hints at us since the dawn of time, and we already know what you like, anyway. There's a reason Victoria's Secret and stores that sell stripper heels stay in business -- that's what you like, not what we like, and we'll agree to throw you a literal bone every once in awhile. The main thing to remember, however, is that women dress for women, as in, we wear fashion to impress and compete with each other. It doesn't have much to do with you. You will take us in a sack-like dress, just like \u003ca href=\"http://onthisdayinfashion.com/?p=11761\">Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink\u003c/a>, as long as you can eventually see our boobs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the other hand, straight men need to dress for women. They might not always do so, or they might not know how. What's at stake in our whole gender game is that \u003cem>you\u003c/em> need to convince \u003cem>us\u003c/em> to go home with you in our Molly Ringwald sack dress, so we can show you our boobs. If you aren't convincing, someone else just might be, and therein lies the scientific process of natural selection, my friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sure, there are other factors in the decision process -- I mean, we aren't \u003cem>completely\u003c/em> superficial, you have to be capable of having a conversation, etc, but what you need to understand is that we have a new world order out here. There was a time when women were just dying to get married because it was the only way we could survive. These days we've got our jobs and our cake, too. If you want to have a partner in crime, you've got to have a crime worth committing, if you catch my drift.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/Xevjs_dtkk8?rel=0'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/Xevjs_dtkk8?rel=0'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>The bad news is that you don't really get a whole lot of clothing options in contemporary society. It's sad, but you basically just get the pants/shirt/jacket combo in various iterations. In my MFA thesis research on dress, I learned something important about your clothes. Back in the era of kings and serfdom, power was connoted with leisure. Men and women in high society got to convey their status through ostentatious fancy clothing. However, along came the Industrial Revolution. All of a sudden, power was synonymous with work. Men wore serious, identical suits because they were all of a sudden gettin' 'er done, while the wives became the family vehicles to show off. And in one swoop, you got stuck with a suit as your only means of style, and we got all the fabulousness. Sure, it seems unfair, but I think you still own most of the \u003cem>Fortune\u003c/em> 500 companies, so whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, in light of the dating and clothing rules I just mentioned, let's talk about your dressing options. Here are some gentle guidelines designed to help you get the girls.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> *There will always be exceptions to the rules.\u003c/strong> I just want to point out that this is a subjective and personal list designed to illustrate what girls like me will like, not all women.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are a few celebrities that I would take in any form. Joaquin Phoenix, for example. Even in his \u003ca href=\"http://youtu.be/JZTmw26RYJU\">crazy phase\u003c/a>, with the disheveled hair and stoner scat-speech, and/or because of his harelip, I would help him make a full recovery to normalcy and hotness. Or Eric Northman from \u003cem>True Blood\u003c/em>. Sure, cut your hair, fine. Sure, wear my tank top. I don't mind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>*If you are not a celebrity, but could pass for either of these men, dress however you want -- be my guest.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110143\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 420px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110143\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/tenor.gif\" alt=\"Hot viking vampire god, Eric Northman, a.k.a. Alexander Skarsgard, can dress in a pashmina for all I care.\" width=\"420\" height=\"284\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Hot viking vampire god, Eric Northman, a.k.a. Alexander Skarsgard, can dress in a pashmina for all I care.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110144\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 320px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110144\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/giphy.gif\" alt=\"Joaquin Phoenix can go crazy if he wants to.\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joaquin Phoenix can go crazy if he wants to.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Here are the obvious ones: \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>1. No pajamas in public. \u003c/strong>I know, just like us, you have days off and you don't feel like putting in much effort. But never, under any circumstances, are you allowed to cruise around town in your pajamas, unless you want everyone to know you are a homesick college student, or perhaps a crackhead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110145\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110145\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-800x523.jpg\" alt=\"No, Robert Downey Jr. No.\" width=\"800\" height=\"523\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-800x523.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-160x105.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-768x502.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-1020x667.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-1200x784.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059-1920x1255.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-56636059.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">No, Robert Downey Jr. No. \u003ccite>(Scott Halleran/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>This goes for sweatpants, too. As Jerry Seinfeld can back me up, you basically just gave up on the world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/-0Hbu4Z4pGI?rel=0'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/-0Hbu4Z4pGI?rel=0'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\n2. No white guy dreadlocks.\u003c/strong> If you have to spend a lot of time making your hair into a textured, smelly mess, it's probably not meant to be. Everyone has always known this, except for Winona Ryder, who made an unfortunate error in judgment by dating the lead singer of Soul Asylum in the '90s.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110146\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 327px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110146\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/MediocreMedicalAsp-small.gif\" alt=\"Winona Ryder's ex and his white boy dreads. \" width=\"327\" height=\"251\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Winona Ryder's ex and his white boy dreads.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>3. Dress like an adult.\u003c/strong> Also, if I can't see your ass, I can't see you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-110147\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-800x450.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-800x450.gif 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-160x90.gif 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-768x432.gif 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-1020x574.gif 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/poskehfwo48-1200x675.gif 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> 4. Speaking of pants, avoid \"jeggings.\" \u003c/strong>Please leave something to the imagination. Wearing girl jeans this tight tells me all I need to know and more about your chicken calves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110148\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/MasculineAccomplishedGhostshrimp-small.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>5. Obviously, no.\u003c/strong> We already talked about \u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/06/are-you-a-closet-goth/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">how I feel about these goth pants\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110149 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/InfatuatedVioletFlyingfox-size_restricted.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"327\" height=\"251\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>And here are the not-as-obvious ones: \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Wear a suit.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I know it's been the same for 200 years, but we women still like the way you look -- just like that Men's Warehouse commercial -- in a suit. We don't really want you to change. Which is why this image from \u003ca href=\"redcarpet-fashionawards.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">redcarpet-fashionawards.com\u003c/a> is so funny. The awards ceremonies, like weddings, are not really for you -- you just have to show up and hold a purse for someone else.\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/01/a-style-guide-for-straight-guys/redcarpet-fashionawards-com/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3283\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-3283\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/redcarpet-fashionawards.com_.jpg\" alt=\"redcarpet-fashionawards.com\" width=\"496\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/redcarpet-fashionawards.com_.jpg 620w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/redcarpet-fashionawards.com_-400x387.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/redcarpet-fashionawards.com_-32x32.jpg 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 496px) 100vw, 496px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong> 2. Don't be a douchebag. All I had to do was Google flip-flops.\u003c/strong> Fine, if you live in an ocean community, you can wear flip-flops. But somehow jocks got it in their head that if they combined baggy designer jeans and a guido-style button-up shirt with flip flops, it would be like catnip to us. Guess what? It's not. And we don't really want to see your feet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110140\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110140\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-800x547.jpg\" alt=\"I don't know how 'N Sync ever made it- there's only like 2 1/2 cute ones. And their stylist should be arrested. \" width=\"800\" height=\"547\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-800x547.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-160x109.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-768x525.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-1020x698.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-1200x821.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515-1920x1313.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-51583515.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I don't know how 'N Sync ever made it- there's only like 2 1/2 cute ones. And their stylist should be arrested. \u003ccite>(LUCY NICHOLSON/AFP/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_3258\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/01/a-style-guide-for-straight-guys/forsale/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3258\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-3258\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/denverpost.cpm_-300x193.jpg\" alt=\"forsale\" width=\"300\" height=\"193\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Look at this guy I found on denverpost.com. Doesn't he just look like he is convinced he's living out some \"Scarface\" fantasy on his honeymoon while mountain climbing and wine-tasting?\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>3. There are limits.\u003c/strong> Even for two of the hottest men on the planet, you just can't ever wear a college-dropout scrubby beanie or a thin, patchouli-scented hippy scarf. Ever. David Beckham and Johnny Depp should know better.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110141\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110141\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-800x640.jpg\" alt=\"What's worse is that David Beckham is at a Lakers game, so it's probably not even cold out.\" width=\"800\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-800x640.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-160x128.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-768x614.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-1020x816.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-1200x960.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428-1920x1536.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-113203428.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">What's worse is that David Beckham is at a Lakers game, so it's probably not even cold out. \u003ccite>(Noel Vasquez/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110142\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110142\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-800x722.jpg\" alt=\"Johnny Depp has been a pirate for too long.\" width=\"800\" height=\"722\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-800x722.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-160x144.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-768x693.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-1020x920.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-1200x1083.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755-1920x1732.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-107627755.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Johnny Depp has been a pirate for too long. \u003ccite>(Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. You can't groom yourself more than we do.\u003c/strong> We don't like it when your hair looks better than ours, or when you use our fancy, expensive shampoo.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-110150\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/dappernm-800x450.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/dappernm-800x450.gif 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/dappernm-160x90.gif 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/dappernm-768x432.gif 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\"> If you're going to wear your hair long, it has to be a little unkept and ratty, a la the Grunge days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110151\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/giphy-1.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"364\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong> 5. Try going to an actual hair place and getting them to give you a real haircut.\u003c/strong> That means somewhere besides Supercuts and you will probably have to pay more than $10. Just do what we do, pick a celebrity, and copy them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110152\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 500px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110152\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"Morrissey just found a style and stuck with it for the last forty years. It works.\" width=\"500\" height=\"369\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Morrissey just found a style and stuck with it for the last forty years. It works.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. You have to at least attempt to look like you have a job.\u003c/strong> That might make it seem like we are gold-diggers, but we just don't want to have to pick you up from your warehouse you share with six roommates and have to get the tip for you every single time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110153\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>7. Brand-whoring doesn't work, and please stay away from anything Kanye wears, ever.\u003c/strong> What does it even mean to have a \u003ca href=\"https://www.pinterest.es/amanalone/fashion-world/\">Fendi logo on your head\u003c/a>? Did Silvia Fendi come over and shave it in? I sort of understand the hip hop act of appropriating the culture of wealth as antagonism, but it still just makes it look like you are giving a label power over you. And it also makes you look like a billboard, like you're essentially wearing a Budwesier t-shirt. If you want to convey you have money, you should wear things that are obviously well-made. Those who are in the know, will know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110154\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110154\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-800x522.jpg\" alt=\"Look, Will Smith understands understated. He's the boy, we just want him to look 'money', not wear $$money$$. \" width=\"800\" height=\"522\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-800x522.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-160x104.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-768x501.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-1020x665.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-1200x782.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774-1920x1252.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-72977774.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Look, Will Smith understands understated. He's the boy, we just want him to look 'money', not wear $$money$$. \u003ccite>(Elisabetta Villa/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>8. If you don't have money, you can still fake it with a little swagger, a thrifted suit, and some crazy socks.\u003c/strong> Like this guy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110158\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-5.22.14-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"550\" height=\"365\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-5.22.14-PM.png 550w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-5.22.14-PM-160x106.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>9. Keep your clothes on, even if you go to the gym.\u003c/strong> Ok, so you're not into suits. Fine. You don't have to show us your muscles to denote masculinity instead of money. Muscles to me say one thing: you spend all your free time at the gym, which is both boring and intimidating.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110159\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-110159 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-800x540.jpg\" alt=\"Look how much better Henry Rollins looks in a black t-shirt and pants, compared to his naked performance below. If all else fails, go for black jeans and a t-shirt, any time.\" width=\"800\" height=\"540\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-800x540.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-160x108.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-768x519.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-1020x689.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-1200x810.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277-1920x1297.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-488820277.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Look how much better Henry Rollins looks in a black t-shirt and pants, compared to when he's running around shirtless and flexing. If all else fails, go for black jeans and a t-shirt, any time. \u003ccite>(Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for A+E Networks)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>10. You don't have to be a muscle man to win our hearts.\u003c/strong> We are OK with you being super skinny or a little rotund, because it makes us feel better about ourselves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110162\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110162\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"The fine Mr. Adrien Brody, while sort of muscle-y, is probably made to be that way by his handlers since he is a movie star, after all. But I get the sense he is naturally super skinny.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-768x512.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-1200x800.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918-1920x1280.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-50820918.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The fine Mr. Adrien Brody, while sort of muscle-y, is probably made to be that way by his handlers since he is a movie star, after all. But I get the sense he is naturally super skinny. \u003ccite>(BORIS HORVAT/AFP/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110163\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 480px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110163\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/196217268_805914644001_AMC-InsideTheKilling-S1-Character-StanLarsen.jpg\" alt='I kind of have a sweet spot for the teddy-bearish working man, Stan Larsen, from \"The Killing\". ' width=\"480\" height=\"270\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/196217268_805914644001_AMC-InsideTheKilling-S1-Character-StanLarsen.jpg 480w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/196217268_805914644001_AMC-InsideTheKilling-S1-Character-StanLarsen-160x90.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 480px) 100vw, 480px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I kind of have a sweet spot for the teddy-bearish working man, Stan Larsen, from \"The Killing\". \u003ccite>(AMC)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>11. Have confidence.\u003c/strong> Just look at Prince. He's a tiny man who wears ruffles, but I wouldn't trust myself alone with him. He is the definition of confidence, to a panty-dropping T.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110164\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Prince-Purple-Rain.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"768\" height=\"431\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Prince-Purple-Rain.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Prince-Purple-Rain-160x90.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\n\u003c/p>\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">Or, take Lemmy from Motorhead. Not the most attractive man, especially with the moles, but you can just look at him and tell he knows exactly what he likes and who he is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110165\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110165\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-800x525.jpg\" alt=\"Lemmy likes black and cowboy hats, and has been wearing the same thing for forty years. He also has too much speed in his veins to ever safely detox or he'll go into shock, but we don't have to talk about that.\" width=\"800\" height=\"525\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-800x525.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-160x105.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-768x504.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-1020x669.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-1200x788.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826-1920x1260.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-482009826.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lemmy likes black and cowboy hats, and has been wearing the same thing for forty years. He also has too much speed in his veins to ever safely detox or he'll go into shock, but we don't have to talk about that. \u003ccite>(Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>12. Speaking of Lemmy, be a bad boy.\u003c/strong> I mean, if you have those tendencies. If not, don't fake it. Until we get older, bad boys have their time and place as a great distraction from our boring lives.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110166\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110166\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/stones1_wide-64af8c85861fd98ad06fcc90d4b2c92cc5082ff5-s800-c85-800x449.jpg\" alt=\"Mick Jagger and Keith Richards in all their sexy, '70s glory. \" width=\"800\" height=\"449\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/stones1_wide-64af8c85861fd98ad06fcc90d4b2c92cc5082ff5-s800-c85.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/stones1_wide-64af8c85861fd98ad06fcc90d4b2c92cc5082ff5-s800-c85-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/stones1_wide-64af8c85861fd98ad06fcc90d4b2c92cc5082ff5-s800-c85-768x431.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Mick Jagger and Keith Richards in all their sexy, '70s glory. \u003ccite>('Stones In Exile')\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">Sooner or later, we grow out of bad boys. Probably because they don't age well. And if they're not rock stars, they have a high chance of becoming the homeless alcoholics that live near your dumpster.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110167\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110167\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-800x658.jpg\" alt=\"Not quite as sexy now, are they? \" width=\"800\" height=\"658\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-800x658.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-160x132.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-768x632.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-1020x840.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-1200x988.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078-1920x1580.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/GettyImages-984946078.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Not quite as sexy now, are they? \u003ccite>(BORIS HORVAT/AFP/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>13. Did we talk about how hot tattoos are?\u003c/strong> OK, I know it's such a cliche, and I am outing myself big time right now for being so superficial, but tattoos totally work. As in, on my wild, wild heart. But the reason is not that they signify tough guys, cause yeah, I know that they do, but because to me, they say that you don't take yourself so seriously. Why does your body have to be a temple? Can't it just be some thing you write dumb things on? It's especially refreshing when you're not afraid to get stupid tattoos, like Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and his elephants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110168 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/tenor-1.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"372\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>14. Let's talk about shoes.\u003c/strong> If you are one of those guys with a sneaker collection, you're just showing the world that you are an over-paid infantile computer programmer who plays video games with internet strangers every day of the week instead of spending your money on a few pairs of classy shoes that you could wear to a nice restaurant. You think your day-glo sneakers express how \"funky fresh\" you are, but they don't.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_3288\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 429px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/01/a-style-guide-for-straight-guys/melrosenadspaulding-com/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3288\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-3288\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/melrosenadspaulding.com_-682x1024.jpg\" alt=\"melrosenadspaulding.com\" width=\"429\" height=\"645\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Just get some Vans. From melroseandspaulding.com.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">Maybe try Red Wing worker boots with a good pair of jeans?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-110169\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-1200x800.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash-1920x1280.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/jacob-rank-111336-unsplash.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>15. I'll respect your authority occasionally.\u003c/strong> These boots touch on another slightly underplayed style trait that girls like to secretly dig: Authority is hot. These boots remind me of both a punk and a cop and I am pretty into it. Let me state for the record that yes, of course, cops are lame, but, just like your \"madonna/whore\" complex, girls are equally into boot-wearing authority figures and soft-spoken boat shoes kind of boys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110176\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-6.29.52-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"586\" height=\"387\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-6.29.52-PM.png 586w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-6.29.52-PM-160x106.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 586px) 100vw, 586px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\n\u003c/p>\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>16. Enough with the beards. Seriously.\u003c/strong> Did you hear me, San Francisco? Enough. Look, I know that shaving is probably really annoying, but please \u003cem>think\u003c/em> about shaving.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110170\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/tenor-1-1.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">And another thing about beards: Let the bears have their culture back. I'm sure they are annoyed and confused.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/04/01/a-style-guide-for-straight-guys/6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a5ccb10c970b/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3291\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3291\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a5ccb10c970b.jpg\" alt=\"6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a5ccb10c970b\" width=\"300\" height=\"391\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>17. Wear clothes that fit you.\u003c/strong> Look at this guy -- he's just some regular guy, but he looks great because he is actually wearing the right size. If you are confused, ask a salesperson to help you. That's what they are there for. Or take a gay or a girl along. That's what \u003cem>they\u003c/em> are there for.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-110171\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-800x788.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"788\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-800x788.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-160x158.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-768x756.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-1020x1005.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-1200x1182.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-1920x1891.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/keenan-lynch-384122-unsplash.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>18. When in doubt, go nautical.\u003c/strong> Never underestimate the appeal of a sailor outfit or a grandpa cardigan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-110174\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/giphy-4.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cstrong>19. Dress like a normal person.\u003c/strong> Look at this guy. He's just a dude, wearing dude clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-110172\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-1200x800.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash-1920x1280.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/04/thierry-ambraisse-200857-unsplash.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So I should probably tell you that my boyfriend is European, so I have it easier than most, and maybe he has raised my expectations. He knows how to wear a pair of pants that fit, but that doesn't mean he is a walk in the park. Every time he agrees to go shopping, we spend an hour on his clothes and then he's too tired when I want to shop for myself. That being said, it's opened my eyes to your potential, boys. So, remember what we talked about -- there are things that girls like and things that we don't, but above all else just remember...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "Boob Swap: A Mother-Daughter Plastic Surgery Adventure",
"title": "Boob Swap: A Mother-Daughter Plastic Surgery Adventure",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2894\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 500px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/tumblr_mao02rmrs81qapa5ro1_500/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2894\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-2894\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/tumblr_mao02rmRs81qapa5ro1_500.png\" alt=\"Poor Vivian in "Slums of Beverly Hills" didn't like her boobs, either.\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/tumblr_mao02rmRs81qapa5ro1_500.png 500w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/tumblr_mao02rmRs81qapa5ro1_500-400x224.png 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Poor Vivian in \"The Slums of Beverly Hills\" didn't like her boobs, either.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. The Age of Boob Enlightenment\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Having big boobs is humiliating. If you don’t believe me, you’ve probably never had them. Big boobs get in the way, they make your clothes fit weird and worst of all, they draw a lot of the wrong kind of attention for a young girl. Just because they’re there, people assume you put them out there on purpose as an invitation for commentary. Just try wearing a bathing suit in public and not getting stares. Worse yet, try running. \u003ca title=\"art film\" href=\"http://www.moholyground.org/feature.htm#haussman\" target=\"_blank\">(For fun, watch gravity meet boobs in this art video, but be warned, there's nudity- duh).\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Compared to the busty babes of the '50s who would have, like in a bank robbery, taken the boobs and ran (literally), while I was growing up Heroin Chic was flaunting those sad, black and white haute junkies in my face and my rapidly growing boobs and I hated it. I did what I could to deal with the boobs. I wore two bras at all times. I wore a Condoleezza Rice-conservative bathing suit. I avoided construction sites. Then my mom came home one day and told me she was tired of her boobs that having kids had warped and wrangled. Well, I don’t think she said it like that- she said after every kid, they had shrunk and shifted a little lower. After kid four, she was down to low-hanging fruit. Ba dum bum.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">\u003cstrong>2. Barbie and Me \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2893\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/barbie_corvette/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2893\">\u003cimg class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-2893\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Barbie_Corvette-200x200.jpeg\" alt=\"Barbie and her corvette From:http://coldfusion-guy.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-chinese-understand-vacuousness-of.html\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Barbie's corvette\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>By this point in my life, at age 21 I had chosen other ways to control my image. To my mother’s dismay, I had tattooed large portions of my body. In doing this, I felt I could reclaim some lost power. I felt stronger, more aggressive, and people stared because of how I had \u003cem>chosen\u003c/em> to look. I wasn’t the inadequate, disrespected, slutty dumb girl the boobs turned me into. I was Xena, the Tattooed Princess. With my new-found self-confidence, I decided it was time to quit thinking of burning bras. It was time for cutting off the boobs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So when my mom told me she was going in for a ‘lift and an implant’, I just had to come along. I said, “Fine, do what you want, but don’t give me any crap for what I do to my body anymore. And I want new boobs, too”, and we were off for our consultations. The irony was not lost on me, but mostly it spoke to the fact that we came from different generations. My mom grew up with icons like Cher and Suzanne Sommers and even drove a corvette like Barbie. She prescribed to a completely different set of gender values, including, \"Women do not ask men out\", and boobs=good, whereas I believed the opposite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses an Eye \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2895\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 174px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/c760d3ea0c61f2b01d3d033b38814b80/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2895\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-2895 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/c760d3ea0c61f2b01d3d033b38814b80.jpg\" alt='Nadine from \"Twin Peaks\"' width=\"174\" height=\"217\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Nadine from \"Twin Peaks\"\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">People think it’s funny we had the same doctor. And the joke about how I should have given her my excess boob is pretty played out. She got her surgery first, a little before mine. I was supposed to help take care of her, especially since after a boob surgery, you can’t lift your arms for a few weeks. A ‘lift and implant’ consists of pretty much what it sounds like: lift ‘em up, stick some stuff in. Surprisingly, it was an outpatient procedure that our gray-haired, slightly lecherous plastic surgeon could do in his office. All I had to was swing by in the minivan, put her in the car and take her home. I will never forget what I saw when I got there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">The nurses cooed softly, telling me, “Your mom was so brave,” and handed me all the prescriptions with stern directions on how to take care of her. Slowly they wheeled her around as I hopped out of the car in the loading zone, ready to pop her in the back. As they leaned over to gingerly help her up, I burst out laughing. She was drugged out of her mind, barely coherent, with a blanket over her lap and an eye patch on her face. \u003cem>What the hell happened in there?\u003c/em> She went in for a fairly routine suburban vanity procedure and came out looking like an old pirate. It was too much. I felt bad, laughing as the nurses scowled at me. They explained that she was so sedated that she scratched at her face when she woke up and hurt her eye. They also explained that I would basically have to carry my six-foot-tall mother’s body up the stairs as she would not really be able to walk. \u003cem>Now they tell me\u003c/em>, I thought.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">I managed to get her up the stairs and into the bathroom, but I will spare you the rest. I thought, \u003cem>This is what it will be like when she’s really old\u003c/em>. The whole thing seriously frightened me. Putting her in the bed, spooning soup up to her mouth and dabbing her chin, telling her when she could have another vicodin... my future of older-daughter-taking-care-of-mom was flashing before my eyes. The rest of her story is pretty unremarkable*, but all of a sudden I knew what I was in for, both in the distant future and also with my own surgery.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">*Though, sadly, my mom's boobs broke during a routine mammogram, which the hospital doesn't cover, and she never got new ones.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Huge \u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/cantaloupe/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2897\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-2897\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Cantaloupe-300x255.jpg\" alt=\"Cantaloupe\" width=\"210\" height=\"179\">\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When I went in for my breast reduction consultation, my plastic surgeon made me take off my shirt and informed me of his medical opinion of my condition. My breasts, he said, were “huge”. He told me, “We should have no problem getting the insurance company to pay for the operation.” Great. His nurses came in and took headless photos of me, making sure to play up my sloping shoulders and terrible posture. What a fascinating job someone at the insurance company must have, approving or denying surgical proposals like mine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">We then had a concerned rap session on what I was getting myself into. Most people who get breast reductions, it turns out, are fat ladies and old women. This was a big decision. Sometimes on a big lady when you take off only a portion of the excess, he explained, there can be weird gaps, or fat-back flaps, where once your boobs sort of smoothed everything into big curves. There were pictures, and it was fascinating. Luckily, I was not in danger of fat-back, or the other things I saw in those photos, like a half-missing tattoo, or scary instances of skin falling off of the smoker patients. Lastly, we discussed the ‘ideal breast’. He drew me a scientific picture of a line with a perfect cone placed jauntily above it, like the one below. Then he drew a line with a droopus magoopus, sad ‘U’ shape that hung past the line, like so. The former, he explained, was a perfect breast. The latter, you guessed it, was mine. The objective was to have a boob that defied gravity by its own volition, but mine were “waaaaay below the line”. We decided to go for the all popular cone-shaped C cup, which would keep my ass from looking like an out-of-place pear-shaped balloon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/boobs/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2898\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-2898\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/boobs-300x158.jpg\" alt=\"boobs\" width=\"300\" height=\"158\">\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">After I was approved for a free surgery, all I had to do was come back the day before for the operation and have the surgical marks put on. I’m sure you are wondering- no, they don’t cut off your nipples. They cut around them, in a sort of anchor pattern, open the boobs up and scoop the fat out. The opposite of my mom’s surgery, basically. My friend once saw this operation on some surgery channel and it scared her so badly she had nightmares. I chose not to look it up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">The surgical marks, amazingly, are hand-drawn dotted lines that the plastic surgeon makes with a marker where he is planning to cut you. It’s incredibly weird, and also kind of remedial. I got back in the car as it started to snow, ready to go ahead with everything, with sharpie drawings on my boobs under my clothes. As I drove up the hill to the house, I noticed that the snow had gotten pretty heavy and all of a sudden I was fighting to keep my car on the road. The next thing I knew, I was desperately trying to dig my tires out of a snowdrift-covered ditch. When I finally made it home, and got ready to put my pajamas on, I realized that the whole time I had been sweatily shoveling snow outside, I had been erasing my surgery lines. It was just a black fuzzy mess. \u003cem>No!\u003c/em> I was so excited to have the operation- it represented a new, improved me and I simply couldn’t reschedule my transformation. So I got out a sharpie and started frantically redrawing the lines in the mirror. I looked at my reflection and noticed I was doing a pretty bad job. The exact lines my surgeon would follow were now some child-like backwards jaggedy scribble. I nervously laughed, bit my lip and set my alarm for the next day, anyway.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">When I got there, he was confident my chicken scratch surgery guidelines weren't a big deal. I breathed a sigh of relief. Unlike my mom’s outpatient surgery, this was a five-hour intense operation in the hospital, and I would have to stay there for a few days. The anesthesiologist showed up and I counted backwards. I woke up on a gurney with my catheter being pulled out on my way out of the operation room. Every hour while in my hospital bed, a nurse would come to check and make sure my nipples hadn’t turned blue. Other than that, it seemed pretty great, but I was definitely blitzed out of my mind on pills.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2899\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/drew-barrymore-breast-reduction/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2899\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-2899 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Drew-Barrymore-Breast-Reduction-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"Celebrity breast reductionist: Drew Barrymore\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Celebrity breast reductionist: Drew Barrymore, from http://plasticsurgerystar.com/drew-barrymore-before-and-after-breast-reduction\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2902\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/soleil140-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2902\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-2902\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/soleil1401-300x232.jpg\" alt=\"Celebrity breast reductionist: Soleil Moon Frye (before). Poor Punky.\" width=\"300\" height=\"232\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Celebrity breast reductionist: Soleil Moon Frye (before). Poor Punky\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Free Bird\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My mom picked me up and took care of me, naturally. Once I had worn the mummy bandages and drainage tubes, (yes, gross), for two weeks, I got to take out my small, perky, Frankenstein-stitched and greenish bruised boobs and slip them into a triangle-shaped little girl bra. It was the best thing I have ever experienced, like holding a soft kitten under a rainbow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2903\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/soleil-moon-frye/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2903\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-2903 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye.jpg\" alt=\"Soleil-Moon-Frye\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye.jpg 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye-75x75.jpg 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Celebrity breast reductionist Soleil Moon Frye (after). \u003ca href=\"http://2dayhangover.com/2011/10/boob-month-celebrities-who-have-undergone-breast-reduction/\">Image from a revealing boy perspective on the dreaded breast reduction.\u003c/a>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I wish that I was a better feminist. I wish big boobs were something I had been able to righteously declare as something that made me, me, and commenters be damned. I also wish we were like birds, and that the males were the ones with the plumage who strutted around attracting mates with their unpractical accessories. I can't change the way we are as a sexist society or how men treat women or how women treat women, and I don't have the energy to try. I just want to wear a tank top in public.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2907\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 218px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/siouxsie_sioux_picture_4/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2907\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-2907\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Siouxsie_Sioux_Picture_4-218x300.jpg\" alt=\"I love it on Siouxsie Sioux, too\" width=\"218\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I love it on Siouxsie Sioux, too\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2906\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 212px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/foznyt/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2906\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-2906\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/foznyt-212x300.jpg\" alt=\"I always loved this Vivienne Westwood boob shirt, on Sex Pistols' guitarist, Steve Jones\" width=\"212\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I always loved this Vivienne Westwood boob shirt, on Sex Pistols' guitarist, Steve Jones\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2894\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 500px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/tumblr_mao02rmrs81qapa5ro1_500/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2894\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-2894\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/tumblr_mao02rmRs81qapa5ro1_500.png\" alt=\"Poor Vivian in "Slums of Beverly Hills" didn't like her boobs, either.\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/tumblr_mao02rmRs81qapa5ro1_500.png 500w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/tumblr_mao02rmRs81qapa5ro1_500-400x224.png 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Poor Vivian in \"The Slums of Beverly Hills\" didn't like her boobs, either.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. The Age of Boob Enlightenment\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Having big boobs is humiliating. If you don’t believe me, you’ve probably never had them. Big boobs get in the way, they make your clothes fit weird and worst of all, they draw a lot of the wrong kind of attention for a young girl. Just because they’re there, people assume you put them out there on purpose as an invitation for commentary. Just try wearing a bathing suit in public and not getting stares. Worse yet, try running. \u003ca title=\"art film\" href=\"http://www.moholyground.org/feature.htm#haussman\" target=\"_blank\">(For fun, watch gravity meet boobs in this art video, but be warned, there's nudity- duh).\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Compared to the busty babes of the '50s who would have, like in a bank robbery, taken the boobs and ran (literally), while I was growing up Heroin Chic was flaunting those sad, black and white haute junkies in my face and my rapidly growing boobs and I hated it. I did what I could to deal with the boobs. I wore two bras at all times. I wore a Condoleezza Rice-conservative bathing suit. I avoided construction sites. Then my mom came home one day and told me she was tired of her boobs that having kids had warped and wrangled. Well, I don’t think she said it like that- she said after every kid, they had shrunk and shifted a little lower. After kid four, she was down to low-hanging fruit. Ba dum bum.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">\u003cstrong>2. Barbie and Me \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2893\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/barbie_corvette/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2893\">\u003cimg class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-2893\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Barbie_Corvette-200x200.jpeg\" alt=\"Barbie and her corvette From:http://coldfusion-guy.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-chinese-understand-vacuousness-of.html\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Barbie's corvette\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>By this point in my life, at age 21 I had chosen other ways to control my image. To my mother’s dismay, I had tattooed large portions of my body. In doing this, I felt I could reclaim some lost power. I felt stronger, more aggressive, and people stared because of how I had \u003cem>chosen\u003c/em> to look. I wasn’t the inadequate, disrespected, slutty dumb girl the boobs turned me into. I was Xena, the Tattooed Princess. With my new-found self-confidence, I decided it was time to quit thinking of burning bras. It was time for cutting off the boobs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So when my mom told me she was going in for a ‘lift and an implant’, I just had to come along. I said, “Fine, do what you want, but don’t give me any crap for what I do to my body anymore. And I want new boobs, too”, and we were off for our consultations. The irony was not lost on me, but mostly it spoke to the fact that we came from different generations. My mom grew up with icons like Cher and Suzanne Sommers and even drove a corvette like Barbie. She prescribed to a completely different set of gender values, including, \"Women do not ask men out\", and boobs=good, whereas I believed the opposite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses an Eye \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2895\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 174px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/c760d3ea0c61f2b01d3d033b38814b80/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2895\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-2895 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/c760d3ea0c61f2b01d3d033b38814b80.jpg\" alt='Nadine from \"Twin Peaks\"' width=\"174\" height=\"217\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Nadine from \"Twin Peaks\"\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">People think it’s funny we had the same doctor. And the joke about how I should have given her my excess boob is pretty played out. She got her surgery first, a little before mine. I was supposed to help take care of her, especially since after a boob surgery, you can’t lift your arms for a few weeks. A ‘lift and implant’ consists of pretty much what it sounds like: lift ‘em up, stick some stuff in. Surprisingly, it was an outpatient procedure that our gray-haired, slightly lecherous plastic surgeon could do in his office. All I had to was swing by in the minivan, put her in the car and take her home. I will never forget what I saw when I got there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">The nurses cooed softly, telling me, “Your mom was so brave,” and handed me all the prescriptions with stern directions on how to take care of her. Slowly they wheeled her around as I hopped out of the car in the loading zone, ready to pop her in the back. As they leaned over to gingerly help her up, I burst out laughing. She was drugged out of her mind, barely coherent, with a blanket over her lap and an eye patch on her face. \u003cem>What the hell happened in there?\u003c/em> She went in for a fairly routine suburban vanity procedure and came out looking like an old pirate. It was too much. I felt bad, laughing as the nurses scowled at me. They explained that she was so sedated that she scratched at her face when she woke up and hurt her eye. They also explained that I would basically have to carry my six-foot-tall mother’s body up the stairs as she would not really be able to walk. \u003cem>Now they tell me\u003c/em>, I thought.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">I managed to get her up the stairs and into the bathroom, but I will spare you the rest. I thought, \u003cem>This is what it will be like when she’s really old\u003c/em>. The whole thing seriously frightened me. Putting her in the bed, spooning soup up to her mouth and dabbing her chin, telling her when she could have another vicodin... my future of older-daughter-taking-care-of-mom was flashing before my eyes. The rest of her story is pretty unremarkable*, but all of a sudden I knew what I was in for, both in the distant future and also with my own surgery.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">*Though, sadly, my mom's boobs broke during a routine mammogram, which the hospital doesn't cover, and she never got new ones.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Huge \u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/cantaloupe/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2897\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-2897\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Cantaloupe-300x255.jpg\" alt=\"Cantaloupe\" width=\"210\" height=\"179\">\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When I went in for my breast reduction consultation, my plastic surgeon made me take off my shirt and informed me of his medical opinion of my condition. My breasts, he said, were “huge”. He told me, “We should have no problem getting the insurance company to pay for the operation.” Great. His nurses came in and took headless photos of me, making sure to play up my sloping shoulders and terrible posture. What a fascinating job someone at the insurance company must have, approving or denying surgical proposals like mine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">We then had a concerned rap session on what I was getting myself into. Most people who get breast reductions, it turns out, are fat ladies and old women. This was a big decision. Sometimes on a big lady when you take off only a portion of the excess, he explained, there can be weird gaps, or fat-back flaps, where once your boobs sort of smoothed everything into big curves. There were pictures, and it was fascinating. Luckily, I was not in danger of fat-back, or the other things I saw in those photos, like a half-missing tattoo, or scary instances of skin falling off of the smoker patients. Lastly, we discussed the ‘ideal breast’. He drew me a scientific picture of a line with a perfect cone placed jauntily above it, like the one below. Then he drew a line with a droopus magoopus, sad ‘U’ shape that hung past the line, like so. The former, he explained, was a perfect breast. The latter, you guessed it, was mine. The objective was to have a boob that defied gravity by its own volition, but mine were “waaaaay below the line”. We decided to go for the all popular cone-shaped C cup, which would keep my ass from looking like an out-of-place pear-shaped balloon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/boobs/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2898\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-2898\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/boobs-300x158.jpg\" alt=\"boobs\" width=\"300\" height=\"158\">\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">After I was approved for a free surgery, all I had to do was come back the day before for the operation and have the surgical marks put on. I’m sure you are wondering- no, they don’t cut off your nipples. They cut around them, in a sort of anchor pattern, open the boobs up and scoop the fat out. The opposite of my mom’s surgery, basically. My friend once saw this operation on some surgery channel and it scared her so badly she had nightmares. I chose not to look it up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">The surgical marks, amazingly, are hand-drawn dotted lines that the plastic surgeon makes with a marker where he is planning to cut you. It’s incredibly weird, and also kind of remedial. I got back in the car as it started to snow, ready to go ahead with everything, with sharpie drawings on my boobs under my clothes. As I drove up the hill to the house, I noticed that the snow had gotten pretty heavy and all of a sudden I was fighting to keep my car on the road. The next thing I knew, I was desperately trying to dig my tires out of a snowdrift-covered ditch. When I finally made it home, and got ready to put my pajamas on, I realized that the whole time I had been sweatily shoveling snow outside, I had been erasing my surgery lines. It was just a black fuzzy mess. \u003cem>No!\u003c/em> I was so excited to have the operation- it represented a new, improved me and I simply couldn’t reschedule my transformation. So I got out a sharpie and started frantically redrawing the lines in the mirror. I looked at my reflection and noticed I was doing a pretty bad job. The exact lines my surgeon would follow were now some child-like backwards jaggedy scribble. I nervously laughed, bit my lip and set my alarm for the next day, anyway.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">When I got there, he was confident my chicken scratch surgery guidelines weren't a big deal. I breathed a sigh of relief. Unlike my mom’s outpatient surgery, this was a five-hour intense operation in the hospital, and I would have to stay there for a few days. The anesthesiologist showed up and I counted backwards. I woke up on a gurney with my catheter being pulled out on my way out of the operation room. Every hour while in my hospital bed, a nurse would come to check and make sure my nipples hadn’t turned blue. Other than that, it seemed pretty great, but I was definitely blitzed out of my mind on pills.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2899\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/drew-barrymore-breast-reduction/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2899\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-2899 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Drew-Barrymore-Breast-Reduction-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"Celebrity breast reductionist: Drew Barrymore\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Celebrity breast reductionist: Drew Barrymore, from http://plasticsurgerystar.com/drew-barrymore-before-and-after-breast-reduction\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2902\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/soleil140-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2902\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-2902\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/soleil1401-300x232.jpg\" alt=\"Celebrity breast reductionist: Soleil Moon Frye (before). Poor Punky.\" width=\"300\" height=\"232\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Celebrity breast reductionist: Soleil Moon Frye (before). Poor Punky\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Free Bird\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My mom picked me up and took care of me, naturally. Once I had worn the mummy bandages and drainage tubes, (yes, gross), for two weeks, I got to take out my small, perky, Frankenstein-stitched and greenish bruised boobs and slip them into a triangle-shaped little girl bra. It was the best thing I have ever experienced, like holding a soft kitten under a rainbow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2903\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/soleil-moon-frye/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2903\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-2903 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye.jpg\" alt=\"Soleil-Moon-Frye\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye.jpg 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Soleil-Moon-Frye-75x75.jpg 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Celebrity breast reductionist Soleil Moon Frye (after). \u003ca href=\"http://2dayhangover.com/2011/10/boob-month-celebrities-who-have-undergone-breast-reduction/\">Image from a revealing boy perspective on the dreaded breast reduction.\u003c/a>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I wish that I was a better feminist. I wish big boobs were something I had been able to righteously declare as something that made me, me, and commenters be damned. I also wish we were like birds, and that the males were the ones with the plumage who strutted around attracting mates with their unpractical accessories. I can't change the way we are as a sexist society or how men treat women or how women treat women, and I don't have the energy to try. I just want to wear a tank top in public.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2907\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 218px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/siouxsie_sioux_picture_4/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2907\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-2907\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Siouxsie_Sioux_Picture_4-218x300.jpg\" alt=\"I love it on Siouxsie Sioux, too\" width=\"218\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I love it on Siouxsie Sioux, too\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2906\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 212px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/22/boob-swap-a-mother-daughter-plastic-surgery-adventure/foznyt/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2906\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-2906\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/foznyt-212x300.jpg\" alt=\"I always loved this Vivienne Westwood boob shirt, on Sex Pistols' guitarist, Steve Jones\" width=\"212\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I always loved this Vivienne Westwood boob shirt, on Sex Pistols' guitarist, Steve Jones\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "A Completely Subjective History of Girl Culture",
"title": "A Completely Subjective History of Girl Culture",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2374\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 271px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/girls-lena-dunham-1_-_copy1/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2374\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2374\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/girls-lena-dunham-1_-_copy1.jpg\" alt=\"Lena Dunham of 'Girls'\" width=\"271\" height=\"195\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/girls-lena-dunham-1_-_copy1.jpg 584w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/girls-lena-dunham-1_-_copy1-400x286.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 271px) 100vw, 271px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lena Dunham of 'Girls'\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>A Girl Renaissance\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Girls are having a moment. A Girl Renaissance, filled with frumpy young girl directors singing their autobiographical swan songs like Lena Dunham and Miranda July,\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110112\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 185px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110112\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-3.13.12-PM.png\" alt=\"Tavi Gevinson: Grey hair looks great, but only if you're 15\" width=\"185\" height=\"261\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-3.13.12-PM.png 185w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-3.13.12-PM-160x226.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 185px) 100vw, 185px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Tavi Gevinson: Grey hair looks great, but only if you're 15 \u003ccite>(Instagram/@tavitulle)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>doe-eyed, gray-haired ingenue Tavi Gevinson taking street style blogging and turning it into an \u003ca title=\"Empire\" href=\"http://rookiemag.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">empire\u003c/a>, those girl-women of SNL fame writing pee-your-pants movies and TV shows like Kristen Wiig's \u003cem>Bridesmaids\u003c/em> and Tina Fey's \u003cem>30 Rock\u003c/em>, and of course, Zooey Deschanel's media siege with her lame old-timey vocals in the band, \u003cem>She & Him\u003c/em>, and \u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/08/new-girl-the-sitcom-as-the-new-reality-tv/\">her pretty good show, \u003cem>New Girl\u003c/em>\u003c/a>. But wait, how could we forget the other girls dominating our airwaves? The CW TV network is a girl party on crack including \u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/01/29/rip-gossip-girl-attempts-at-reconciling-guilt-pleasure/\">the sensationally guilt-pleasurable \u003cem>Gossip Girl\u003c/em>\u003c/a>. Then we have Lady Gaga, and those other weirdos, Nicki Minaj, Grimes, and Lana Del Rey. Talk about a take-over. I don't even know where the men are anymore. Oh wait. They're combing their beards and wearing flannels, curing meat at home and occasionally resurfacing from their woodland-decorated apartments to eat at restaurants they read about in the NY Times. Girls, the airwaves and internet are yours to command.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2484\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 497px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/gossip-girl-on-steps/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2484\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-2484 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/gossip-girl-on-steps.jpg\" alt=\"'Gossip Girl'\" width=\"497\" height=\"323\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/gossip-girl-on-steps.jpg 497w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/gossip-girl-on-steps-400x259.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 497px) 100vw, 497px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">'Gossip Girl'\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>So what is a 'girl' anymore? Something between a little girl and a lady? As a post-teen non-woman, I feel the need to keep the title of girl probably well past its original expiration date because I'd rather be a girl than a woman. Between my anxiety and my jealousy at being only a fringe element of the Girl Renaissance, I have been looking back into the girl culture of my past. I am by no means an authority, but I have put together an incredibly subjective History of Girl Culture (the last 33 years) for your amusement and nostalgia.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>The Last 33 Years of Girl Culture\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since I was born one year shy of the 1980s, I have no idea what the late '70s were like. I can imagine it sucked as the fight for women's rights continued from the '60s, (well, really the '20s), and you wanted that whole \u003cem>Murphy Brown\u003c/em> thing that you didn't know about yet, but you also just wanted to burn your bra and drop acid and tell your uptight housewife mom to leave you alone. I can only include what I learned about in retrospect about cool girl culture since I was hanging out in utero. Let's leave out disco and roller skating and \u003cem>Three's Company\u003c/em> and focus on the amazing punk subculture of the '70s.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110111\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 500px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110111\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2.jpg\" alt=\"The only thing that was a bummer about Joan Jett's all-girl band, The Runaways, was that they needed to dress slutty to get attention\" width=\"500\" height=\"497\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2.jpg 500w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-160x159.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-128x128.jpg 128w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The only thing that was a bummer about Joan Jett's all-girl band, The Runaways, was that they needed to dress slutty to get attention\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Punks and Vixens\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Vivienne Westwood, Patti Smith, Bow Wow Wow, The Slits, Exene Cervenka, The Runaways, and Siouxsie and the Banshees should all make you embarrassed to be so unoriginal and passive. Between the English punks and the American ones, they had it covered. This documentary, \u003cem>The Decline of Western Civilization\u003c/em>, was directed by punk girl Penelope Spheeris, and captures the gritty, sneering, yet slightly self-conscious and heavily made-up Exene of the band X. As the odd sex out most of the time, girls like her and Siouxsie Sioux were both iconic feminists and potent sex bombs, paving the way as disheveled girl originals of the Courtney Loves who would follow.\u003cbr>\n[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQLe9FdXXXw&w=560&h=315]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Funsters Who Live at Home\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As we enter the early '80s, I still can't tell you much from my perspective as a girl unless you want to know about \u003cem>The Smurfs\u003c/em>. But who didn't know about Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, or Pat Benatar, (though \"Hell is For Children\" was particularly alarming)? I mostly remember the \"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun\" video from \u003cem>Goonies\u003c/em>, but the message had broad appeal, even to a six-year-old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A&w=560&h=315]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We also had other iconic all-girl bands like The Go-Gos and The Bangles, and a overriding sense of fun and pop. The songs from Lauper and Madonna still reference their fathers, i.e. \"Papa Don't Preach,\" as if the hardened girls of the punk movement had lent their over-the-top style but not their tough girl message of staking out territory with the boys. It was girls on one side of the dance floor and boys on the other, and then there were the geeks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Geeks and Bimbos\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2481\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/martha-plimpton/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2481\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-2481\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Martha-Plimpton.jpg\" alt=\"Martha Plimpton\" width=\"200\" height=\"179\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Martha Plimpton\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2482\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 240px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/the_breakfast_club_142_thumb/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2482\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-2482 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/The_Breakfast_Club_142_thumb.jpg\" alt=\"The_Breakfast_Club_142_thumb\" width=\"240\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ally Sheedy\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhat strangely, a geek story plays out in almost all '80s teen culture. Nerdy girls like Martha Plimpton in \u003cem>Goonies\u003c/em> or Ally Sheedy in the \u003cem>Breakfast Club\u003c/em> serve as comparison shots to the hot girls and never get the guy, or get him \u003cem>only\u003c/em> after a hot girl takes her under her wing. They are often seen literally comparing their boobs to the other girls in \u003ca title=\"Shower Scenes\" href=\"http://www.anyclip.com/movies/sixteen-candles/caroline-showers/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">shower scenes\u003c/a>, as men were probably the only ones writing the scripts. All girls in this era, it seems, want to be blond, busty, and heavily shouldered, like the girls in \u003cem>Valley Girl\u003c/em>, Seventeen Magazine, and Blair on the \u003cem>Facts of Life\u003c/em>. Enter heavy metal and the hope we had for self-respect went out the window with Kelly Bundy and groupies everywhere.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2485\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 475px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/christina-applegate-kelly-bundy-married-with-children6/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2485\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-2485 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Christina-Applegate-Kelly-Bundy-Married-with-children6.jpg\" alt=\"Kelly Bundy on 'Married with Children'\" width=\"475\" height=\"324\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Christina-Applegate-Kelly-Bundy-Married-with-children6.jpg 475w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Christina-Applegate-Kelly-Bundy-Married-with-children6-400x272.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 475px) 100vw, 475px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kelly Bundy on 'Married with Children'\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>As we approach the later end of the '80s, i'ts more and more apparent that girls are trying to be \u003cem>women\u003c/em>. The big hair, the big boobs, the way everyone talks about themselves as if they were really serious about everything. It all just made me feel extremely self-conscious. I don't know what happened to the feminists of the '70s. They were probably building communes to get away from all we had done to our own girlhoods, but everyone else was rocking out to dudes who looked like girls and checking out models we had actually learned the names of on the covers of magazines. There \u003cem>were\u003c/em> a few anti-heroes like Winona Ryder in the movie \u003cem>Heathers\u003c/em>, and for that I am eternally grateful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQik7L8Av6w&w=560&h=315]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Sarcastic yet Politically Correct \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Enter the '90s now, and boy is it a girl's paradise. We all know how grunge killed metal, at least if you find yourself watching VH1 documentaries on Saturdays, and grunge also killed chauvinism, it would seem. Suddenly we forgot about Axl Rose and Stephanie Seymour and even Janet Jackson and Lita Ford. We did tolerate \u003cem>90210\u003c/em> (Ok, I was 11 and I loved it), and the cooler cult classic \u003cem>Twin Peaks\u003c/em>, but there was a storm brewing and it's name was Girl Power.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110114\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 600px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110114\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/R-663729-1358073482-1488.jpeg.jpg\" alt=\"The other British invasion\" width=\"600\" height=\"524\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/R-663729-1358073482-1488.jpeg.jpg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/R-663729-1358073482-1488.jpeg-160x140.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The other British invasion\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Do you remember \"Girl Power\" when it was screamed from the stage of this British Goody-barretted monstrosity? Despite how ridiculous they were, especially in all those flared polyester pants, their message was delivered in good faith. \"Girl Power\" was a mantra echoed from these cheeky British mouths to all young girls across the world. As cheesy as that was, in the face of the metal years we had just gone through, we needed it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2489\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/bkbk/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2489\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-2489\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/bkbk-300x167.jpeg\" alt=\"Bikini Kill\" width=\"300\" height=\"167\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Bikini Kill\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Of course, while this was going on, we had another form of \"Girl Power\" known as Riot Grrl, like Bikini Kill screaming \"Suck my left one!\", among other things. Riot Grrls were mutli-tasker extremists, staying up late to make zines, create record distros, and bake cakes. We also had Riot Grrl Lite like No Doubt's \"Just a Girl.\" One thing was certain: absolutely everyone was in thrift store clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHzOOQfhPFg&w=560&h=315]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I could go on about the '90s for a million years. It was the decade I lived through as an adolescent, so each moment was recorded in my developing brain as important and mind-blowing. All I know is that I can remember grunge and Courtney Love, the 4 Non-Blondes, L7, a new general sarcasm with shows like \u003cem>My So-Called Life\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Daria\u003c/em> and movies like \u003cem>Reality Bites,\u003c/em> nerd-heroine Jeanane Garafalo, angry songstress PJ Harvey, weirdo Bjork, Drew Barrymore flashing David Letterman, and Fiona Apple losing it and yelling at everyone at the MTV awards show. Correct me if I'm wrong, but looking back it seems like it was a good time for girls, but an angry time. And everyone was skinny and on drugs, highlighted by \u003cem>Pulp Fiction\u003c/em>, \u003cem>Trainspotting\u003c/em>, heroin chic and Kate Moss. On the other hand, we had Lilith Fair and the woman warrior weapon of choice: the acoustic guitar. Suddenly everyone was 'PC', and it seemed like everyone had also recently become bi-sexual. Weirdest of all, dreadlocks enjoyed a rise in popularity, with Ani Di Franco as a poster child for basically all of the above.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110110\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110110\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-800x798.jpg\" alt=\"Ani DiFranco\" width=\"800\" height=\"798\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-800x798.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-768x766.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-1020x1017.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_.jpg 1050w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ani DiFranco\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Soft-Spoken Harpists and Fame-Chasers\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I can hardly remember anything about the 2000s. I guess once your personal preferences are formed, and your personality cemented, you are free to go about looking back into history to find your tribe. This is when I discovered the Runaways, X, Siouxsie and the Banshees, \u003cem>Twin Peaks\u003c/em> and old horror films. Since I became a punk in this time period, my memory doesn't recall much of the current traditional girl 'pop' culture of the time. I remember that rockabilly had a resurgence, with amazing sculpted girl pompadour beehive things that I wished I could do. Also, there was the band, The Distillers, who took the angry feminism of the '90s and made it more explicit, referencing Susan B. Anthony in their lyrics.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODGp9g9nJKk&w=560&h=315]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mostly what I remember, however, was the bipolar culture of a new way of keeping up with all kinds of the coolest things, amplified by the fact that basically everyone now had the internet and MySpace and a way to broadcast themselves. There was also a very quiet indie culture of soft girliness, like \u003ca href=\"http://lulamag.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Lula Magazine\u003c/a>, which I think was a reaction from the more sensitive turtles of girl culture. We had the \u003ca title=\"Cobrasnake\" href=\"http://www.thecobrasnake.com\">Cobrasnake\u003c/a> and New York disco pop trumping everything like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Glass Candy, but we also had the \u003cem>Virgin Suicides\u003c/em> and Cat Power and Joanna Newsom, (which was weird because she is from my hometown). There was \u003cem>Sex and the City\u003c/em>, lest we forget, and a constant push to spend money and keep up, with reality shows like \u003cem>The Hills\u003c/em> and a strange cultural obsession with Paris Hilton. In the end, I think as girls we lost our way again, just like we did last time we had too much money, in the '80s. Girl culture became about labels, the possibility of fame, and the weird alternative reality of Facebook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110109\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110109\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"Paris and Nicole\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-768x432.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-1200x675.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-1920x1081.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Paris and Nicole\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>The New Girls\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Enter the economic bottom dropping out. Suddenly we're depressed and we want fantasy. We want crazy outfits and supernatural creatures crawling into our beds at night so we don't think about our chances of finding employment. But we also have taken matters into our own hands and created what we were looking for and hadn't found in the fast-fashion reality mega-plex of the 2000s. Sisters are doing it for themselves, from the cheesy-as-they-might be \u003cem>Twilight\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Hunger Games\u003c/em> writers to the genius comic relief we really needed in the form of Poehler and Fey, the self-made videos of Lana Del Rey to the self-produced albums from Gaga.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So here is to our smart girl writers, directors, bloggers, singers, and everyone in between. Please keep making awesome things, even if not everyone likes you. We need you so that one day when we look back we'll remember our 2010s as the Girl Renaissance, and not think of the Kardashians and Ke$ha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110108\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110108\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-800x445.jpg\" alt=\"Weirdo South African band, Die Antwoord\" width=\"800\" height=\"445\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-800x445.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-768x428.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-1020x568.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-1200x668.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-1038x576.jpg 1038w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video.jpg 1277w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Weirdo South African band, Die Antwoord\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00ZHah-c0hQ&w=560&h=315]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FH-q0I1fJY&w=560&h=315]\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2374\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 271px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/girls-lena-dunham-1_-_copy1/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2374\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2374\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/girls-lena-dunham-1_-_copy1.jpg\" alt=\"Lena Dunham of 'Girls'\" width=\"271\" height=\"195\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/girls-lena-dunham-1_-_copy1.jpg 584w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/girls-lena-dunham-1_-_copy1-400x286.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 271px) 100vw, 271px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lena Dunham of 'Girls'\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>A Girl Renaissance\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Girls are having a moment. A Girl Renaissance, filled with frumpy young girl directors singing their autobiographical swan songs like Lena Dunham and Miranda July,\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110112\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 185px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110112\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-3.13.12-PM.png\" alt=\"Tavi Gevinson: Grey hair looks great, but only if you're 15\" width=\"185\" height=\"261\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-3.13.12-PM.png 185w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Screen-Shot-2019-03-08-at-3.13.12-PM-160x226.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 185px) 100vw, 185px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Tavi Gevinson: Grey hair looks great, but only if you're 15 \u003ccite>(Instagram/@tavitulle)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>doe-eyed, gray-haired ingenue Tavi Gevinson taking street style blogging and turning it into an \u003ca title=\"Empire\" href=\"http://rookiemag.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">empire\u003c/a>, those girl-women of SNL fame writing pee-your-pants movies and TV shows like Kristen Wiig's \u003cem>Bridesmaids\u003c/em> and Tina Fey's \u003cem>30 Rock\u003c/em>, and of course, Zooey Deschanel's media siege with her lame old-timey vocals in the band, \u003cem>She & Him\u003c/em>, and \u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/08/new-girl-the-sitcom-as-the-new-reality-tv/\">her pretty good show, \u003cem>New Girl\u003c/em>\u003c/a>. But wait, how could we forget the other girls dominating our airwaves? The CW TV network is a girl party on crack including \u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/01/29/rip-gossip-girl-attempts-at-reconciling-guilt-pleasure/\">the sensationally guilt-pleasurable \u003cem>Gossip Girl\u003c/em>\u003c/a>. Then we have Lady Gaga, and those other weirdos, Nicki Minaj, Grimes, and Lana Del Rey. Talk about a take-over. I don't even know where the men are anymore. Oh wait. They're combing their beards and wearing flannels, curing meat at home and occasionally resurfacing from their woodland-decorated apartments to eat at restaurants they read about in the NY Times. Girls, the airwaves and internet are yours to command.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2484\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 497px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/gossip-girl-on-steps/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2484\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-2484 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/gossip-girl-on-steps.jpg\" alt=\"'Gossip Girl'\" width=\"497\" height=\"323\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/gossip-girl-on-steps.jpg 497w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/gossip-girl-on-steps-400x259.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 497px) 100vw, 497px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">'Gossip Girl'\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>So what is a 'girl' anymore? Something between a little girl and a lady? As a post-teen non-woman, I feel the need to keep the title of girl probably well past its original expiration date because I'd rather be a girl than a woman. Between my anxiety and my jealousy at being only a fringe element of the Girl Renaissance, I have been looking back into the girl culture of my past. I am by no means an authority, but I have put together an incredibly subjective History of Girl Culture (the last 33 years) for your amusement and nostalgia.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>The Last 33 Years of Girl Culture\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since I was born one year shy of the 1980s, I have no idea what the late '70s were like. I can imagine it sucked as the fight for women's rights continued from the '60s, (well, really the '20s), and you wanted that whole \u003cem>Murphy Brown\u003c/em> thing that you didn't know about yet, but you also just wanted to burn your bra and drop acid and tell your uptight housewife mom to leave you alone. I can only include what I learned about in retrospect about cool girl culture since I was hanging out in utero. Let's leave out disco and roller skating and \u003cem>Three's Company\u003c/em> and focus on the amazing punk subculture of the '70s.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110111\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 500px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110111\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2.jpg\" alt=\"The only thing that was a bummer about Joan Jett's all-girl band, The Runaways, was that they needed to dress slutty to get attention\" width=\"500\" height=\"497\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2.jpg 500w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-160x159.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/62bb73a51285cecbaedd7f078f35ecd2-128x128.jpg 128w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The only thing that was a bummer about Joan Jett's all-girl band, The Runaways, was that they needed to dress slutty to get attention\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Punks and Vixens\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Vivienne Westwood, Patti Smith, Bow Wow Wow, The Slits, Exene Cervenka, The Runaways, and Siouxsie and the Banshees should all make you embarrassed to be so unoriginal and passive. Between the English punks and the American ones, they had it covered. This documentary, \u003cem>The Decline of Western Civilization\u003c/em>, was directed by punk girl Penelope Spheeris, and captures the gritty, sneering, yet slightly self-conscious and heavily made-up Exene of the band X. As the odd sex out most of the time, girls like her and Siouxsie Sioux were both iconic feminists and potent sex bombs, paving the way as disheveled girl originals of the Courtney Loves who would follow.\u003cbr>\n\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/gQLe9FdXXXw'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/gQLe9FdXXXw'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Funsters Who Live at Home\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As we enter the early '80s, I still can't tell you much from my perspective as a girl unless you want to know about \u003cem>The Smurfs\u003c/em>. But who didn't know about Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, or Pat Benatar, (though \"Hell is For Children\" was particularly alarming)? I mostly remember the \"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun\" video from \u003cem>Goonies\u003c/em>, but the message had broad appeal, even to a six-year-old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/PIb6AZdTr-A'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/PIb6AZdTr-A'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We also had other iconic all-girl bands like The Go-Gos and The Bangles, and a overriding sense of fun and pop. The songs from Lauper and Madonna still reference their fathers, i.e. \"Papa Don't Preach,\" as if the hardened girls of the punk movement had lent their over-the-top style but not their tough girl message of staking out territory with the boys. It was girls on one side of the dance floor and boys on the other, and then there were the geeks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Geeks and Bimbos\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2481\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/martha-plimpton/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2481\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-2481\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Martha-Plimpton.jpg\" alt=\"Martha Plimpton\" width=\"200\" height=\"179\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Martha Plimpton\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2482\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 240px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/the_breakfast_club_142_thumb/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2482\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-2482 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/The_Breakfast_Club_142_thumb.jpg\" alt=\"The_Breakfast_Club_142_thumb\" width=\"240\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ally Sheedy\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhat strangely, a geek story plays out in almost all '80s teen culture. Nerdy girls like Martha Plimpton in \u003cem>Goonies\u003c/em> or Ally Sheedy in the \u003cem>Breakfast Club\u003c/em> serve as comparison shots to the hot girls and never get the guy, or get him \u003cem>only\u003c/em> after a hot girl takes her under her wing. They are often seen literally comparing their boobs to the other girls in \u003ca title=\"Shower Scenes\" href=\"http://www.anyclip.com/movies/sixteen-candles/caroline-showers/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">shower scenes\u003c/a>, as men were probably the only ones writing the scripts. All girls in this era, it seems, want to be blond, busty, and heavily shouldered, like the girls in \u003cem>Valley Girl\u003c/em>, Seventeen Magazine, and Blair on the \u003cem>Facts of Life\u003c/em>. Enter heavy metal and the hope we had for self-respect went out the window with Kelly Bundy and groupies everywhere.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2485\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 475px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/christina-applegate-kelly-bundy-married-with-children6/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2485\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-2485 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Christina-Applegate-Kelly-Bundy-Married-with-children6.jpg\" alt=\"Kelly Bundy on 'Married with Children'\" width=\"475\" height=\"324\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Christina-Applegate-Kelly-Bundy-Married-with-children6.jpg 475w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Christina-Applegate-Kelly-Bundy-Married-with-children6-400x272.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 475px) 100vw, 475px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kelly Bundy on 'Married with Children'\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>As we approach the later end of the '80s, i'ts more and more apparent that girls are trying to be \u003cem>women\u003c/em>. The big hair, the big boobs, the way everyone talks about themselves as if they were really serious about everything. It all just made me feel extremely self-conscious. I don't know what happened to the feminists of the '70s. They were probably building communes to get away from all we had done to our own girlhoods, but everyone else was rocking out to dudes who looked like girls and checking out models we had actually learned the names of on the covers of magazines. There \u003cem>were\u003c/em> a few anti-heroes like Winona Ryder in the movie \u003cem>Heathers\u003c/em>, and for that I am eternally grateful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/yQik7L8Av6w'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/yQik7L8Av6w'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Sarcastic yet Politically Correct \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Enter the '90s now, and boy is it a girl's paradise. We all know how grunge killed metal, at least if you find yourself watching VH1 documentaries on Saturdays, and grunge also killed chauvinism, it would seem. Suddenly we forgot about Axl Rose and Stephanie Seymour and even Janet Jackson and Lita Ford. We did tolerate \u003cem>90210\u003c/em> (Ok, I was 11 and I loved it), and the cooler cult classic \u003cem>Twin Peaks\u003c/em>, but there was a storm brewing and it's name was Girl Power.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110114\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 600px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-110114\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/R-663729-1358073482-1488.jpeg.jpg\" alt=\"The other British invasion\" width=\"600\" height=\"524\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/R-663729-1358073482-1488.jpeg.jpg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/R-663729-1358073482-1488.jpeg-160x140.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The other British invasion\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Do you remember \"Girl Power\" when it was screamed from the stage of this British Goody-barretted monstrosity? Despite how ridiculous they were, especially in all those flared polyester pants, their message was delivered in good faith. \"Girl Power\" was a mantra echoed from these cheeky British mouths to all young girls across the world. As cheesy as that was, in the face of the metal years we had just gone through, we needed it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2489\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/13/a-completely-subjective-history-of-girl-culture/bkbk/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2489\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-2489\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/bkbk-300x167.jpeg\" alt=\"Bikini Kill\" width=\"300\" height=\"167\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Bikini Kill\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Of course, while this was going on, we had another form of \"Girl Power\" known as Riot Grrl, like Bikini Kill screaming \"Suck my left one!\", among other things. Riot Grrls were mutli-tasker extremists, staying up late to make zines, create record distros, and bake cakes. We also had Riot Grrl Lite like No Doubt's \"Just a Girl.\" One thing was certain: absolutely everyone was in thrift store clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/PHzOOQfhPFg'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/PHzOOQfhPFg'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I could go on about the '90s for a million years. It was the decade I lived through as an adolescent, so each moment was recorded in my developing brain as important and mind-blowing. All I know is that I can remember grunge and Courtney Love, the 4 Non-Blondes, L7, a new general sarcasm with shows like \u003cem>My So-Called Life\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Daria\u003c/em> and movies like \u003cem>Reality Bites,\u003c/em> nerd-heroine Jeanane Garafalo, angry songstress PJ Harvey, weirdo Bjork, Drew Barrymore flashing David Letterman, and Fiona Apple losing it and yelling at everyone at the MTV awards show. Correct me if I'm wrong, but looking back it seems like it was a good time for girls, but an angry time. And everyone was skinny and on drugs, highlighted by \u003cem>Pulp Fiction\u003c/em>, \u003cem>Trainspotting\u003c/em>, heroin chic and Kate Moss. On the other hand, we had Lilith Fair and the woman warrior weapon of choice: the acoustic guitar. Suddenly everyone was 'PC', and it seemed like everyone had also recently become bi-sexual. Weirdest of all, dreadlocks enjoyed a rise in popularity, with Ani Di Franco as a poster child for basically all of the above.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110110\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110110\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-800x798.jpg\" alt=\"Ani DiFranco\" width=\"800\" height=\"798\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-800x798.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-768x766.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-1020x1017.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/71eWD5lcgTL._SL1050_.jpg 1050w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ani DiFranco\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Soft-Spoken Harpists and Fame-Chasers\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I can hardly remember anything about the 2000s. I guess once your personal preferences are formed, and your personality cemented, you are free to go about looking back into history to find your tribe. This is when I discovered the Runaways, X, Siouxsie and the Banshees, \u003cem>Twin Peaks\u003c/em> and old horror films. Since I became a punk in this time period, my memory doesn't recall much of the current traditional girl 'pop' culture of the time. I remember that rockabilly had a resurgence, with amazing sculpted girl pompadour beehive things that I wished I could do. Also, there was the band, The Distillers, who took the angry feminism of the '90s and made it more explicit, referencing Susan B. Anthony in their lyrics.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/ODGp9g9nJKk'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/ODGp9g9nJKk'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mostly what I remember, however, was the bipolar culture of a new way of keeping up with all kinds of the coolest things, amplified by the fact that basically everyone now had the internet and MySpace and a way to broadcast themselves. There was also a very quiet indie culture of soft girliness, like \u003ca href=\"http://lulamag.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Lula Magazine\u003c/a>, which I think was a reaction from the more sensitive turtles of girl culture. We had the \u003ca title=\"Cobrasnake\" href=\"http://www.thecobrasnake.com\">Cobrasnake\u003c/a> and New York disco pop trumping everything like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Glass Candy, but we also had the \u003cem>Virgin Suicides\u003c/em> and Cat Power and Joanna Newsom, (which was weird because she is from my hometown). There was \u003cem>Sex and the City\u003c/em>, lest we forget, and a constant push to spend money and keep up, with reality shows like \u003cem>The Hills\u003c/em> and a strange cultural obsession with Paris Hilton. In the end, I think as girls we lost our way again, just like we did last time we had too much money, in the '80s. Girl culture became about labels, the possibility of fame, and the weird alternative reality of Facebook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110109\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110109\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"Paris and Nicole\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-768x432.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-1200x675.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff-1920x1081.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/nicole-richie-paris-hilton-today-180409-tease_f91409b0be9af0697087605a9f8582ff.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Paris and Nicole\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>The New Girls\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Enter the economic bottom dropping out. Suddenly we're depressed and we want fantasy. We want crazy outfits and supernatural creatures crawling into our beds at night so we don't think about our chances of finding employment. But we also have taken matters into our own hands and created what we were looking for and hadn't found in the fast-fashion reality mega-plex of the 2000s. Sisters are doing it for themselves, from the cheesy-as-they-might be \u003cem>Twilight\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Hunger Games\u003c/em> writers to the genius comic relief we really needed in the form of Poehler and Fey, the self-made videos of Lana Del Rey to the self-produced albums from Gaga.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So here is to our smart girl writers, directors, bloggers, singers, and everyone in between. Please keep making awesome things, even if not everyone likes you. We need you so that one day when we look back we'll remember our 2010s as the Girl Renaissance, and not think of the Kardashians and Ke$ha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_110108\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-110108\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-800x445.jpg\" alt=\"Weirdo South African band, Die Antwoord\" width=\"800\" height=\"445\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-800x445.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-768x428.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-1020x568.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-1200x668.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video-1038x576.jpg 1038w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/die-antwoord-pitbull-terrier-music-video.jpg 1277w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Weirdo South African band, Die Antwoord\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/00ZHah-c0hQ'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/00ZHah-c0hQ'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "How to Recognize the Reek of Grad School",
"title": "How to Recognize the Reek of Grad School",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2066\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 277px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/3s3tcr/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2066\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-2066 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/3s3tcr.jpg\" alt=\"3s3tcr\" width=\"277\" height=\"342\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/3s3tcr.jpg 625w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/3s3tcr-400x492.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 277px) 100vw, 277px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">How was life worth living without Grumpy Cat memes?\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>I was talking about someone with my friend, and she wrinkled up her face and said definitively, “That girl reeks of grad school.” I laughed because I knew exactly what she meant. Now that I work in the same school where I earned my MFA, watching other young grads across the street is a strange experience. It’s like going back and reading your diary from age ten and cringing at the sheer embarrassment of what a naive ass you were, except that you’re discovering the naive ass you were mere semesters ago. It’s also horrifying as you begin to see how the sausage is made, like the part in Soylent Green where the guy realizes they’ve been eating people, except it’s where you realize the information you willingly signed up for was making you more annoying and less and less interesting to everyone around you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We should be clear here that when I say grad school, I mean a major in the Liberal Arts. Fine Art, Writing, Curatorial Practice, Visual Studies, and let’s throw in other majors that don’t qualify you for anything useful when you graduate, like History, Rhetoric and Philosophy. I’m not talking about people who attend higher education to study Medicine, Law, or Social Work -- people who actually might make a difference in someone else’s life in the future. And even though I was in a Fine Art program, I still don’t know anything. So before you get your panties in a bunch, you might want to just take off your underwear while you read this. The opinion of lil old me is nothing more than a comment from the caustic peanut gallery of the old men on the Muppets and if you can’t take it, leave it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ym2L1urOz8&w=560&h=315]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>SMELLY GRAD SCHOOL TRAITS\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you are in grad school or recently got out, no amount of perfume is going to cover up the reek that everyone you know and love finds a little revolting. It will only stop festering when you learn to recognize your particular bouquet, made up of some or all of the following personality traits you picked up while doing your time inside. I’m not saying that I’m immune or cleansed of any of these, but I am in a self-help program called reality, and I’m doing my best to wash regularly. Also, I found a bunch of cartoon personalities to make it easier to recognize similar attributes in yourself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Glad-Hander\u003c/strong>: Your friends have come to the conclusion that they cannot take you to events. When a friend extends an invitation to something, you will make them rattle off who else will be there to network with before you consider going.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2078\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 107px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/quimby/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2078\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2078 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/quimby-178x300.jpg\" alt=\"Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons\" width=\"107\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Know-it-All\u003c/strong>: No one would ever want to be stuck in a conversation with you alone at a party. You will proceed to tell everyone that any idea they’ve ever had has been done before, and where and when. You will then start referencing theory no one cares to listen to, and everyone around you cries ‘yield’ and slowly walks away backward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2079\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 130px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/lisa-reading-lisa-simpson-642106_739_1024/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2079\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2079 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Lisa-reading-lisa-simpson-642106_739_1024-216x300.jpg\" alt=\"Lisa Simpson\" width=\"130\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lisa Simpson\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Star\u003c/strong>: You boldly boast of all the things you’ve been doing lately, all your latest and greatest achievements, and name-drop who you’ve been working with in every social media outlet available. Even worse, most of your news is mediocre at best, but you will put it all in a monthly newsletter clogging inboxes around the nation anyway. You announce your birthday in the same way, as if it were the only birthday known to man.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2080\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 180px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/bobs-burgers/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2080\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2080 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/bobs-burgers-300x216.jpg\" alt=\"Gene's girlfriend on Bob's Burgers\" width=\"180\" height=\"130\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gene's girlfriend on Bob's Burgers\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Unsolicited Advisor\u003c/strong>: Someone somewhere gave you the idea that you know more about life than anyone else. You proceed to cut people off mid-sentence to tell them how to handle their stress, money and other people giving them advice, oblivious to the fact that no one asked you for help. You might even go so far as to explain feminist theory to a woman in your stupid dude voice. Mmkay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2081\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 180px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/mr-garrison/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2081\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2081\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/mr-garrison-300x224.jpg\" alt=\"mr-garrison\" width=\"180\" height=\"134\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Mr. Garrison from South Park\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Morose Bummer-a-thon\u003c/strong>: All you talk about is how you wish you had more pills and the better school you wish you had gotten into and the fact that everyone is against you. You forget that you’re not in high school anymore and this is art school and everyone is a weirdo too and no one is judging you for being gay or socially handicapped.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2082\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 180px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/020810daria1/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2082\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2082 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/020810daria1-300x234.jpg\" alt=\"Daria\" width=\"180\" height=\"140\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Daria\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Frantic Busy-Bee\u003c/strong>: You flit around telling people dramatically about all the things you are doing, the show you’re in, and how you are just SO BUSY! You’re so stressed! You forget that no one cares about your group show/reading, etc. and that everyone around you has the same exact deadlines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2092\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 117px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/francine_smith___american_dad_by_leeroberts/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2092\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2092 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Francine_Smith___American_Dad_by_LeeRoberts.png\" alt=\"Francine_Smith___American_Dad_by_LeeRoberts\" width=\"117\" height=\"174\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Francine Smith from American Dad\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Idealistic Child\u003c/strong>: You’re one of those weirdos who never took a break from school, from Kindergarten to your first year of grad school. You forget how soon this insular bubble will pop and you’ll have to start paying back your loans with something you’ve never had and are not qualified for: a job. It hits you a month before graduation and suddenly your face is permanently twisted with fear.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2083\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 179px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/butters-pic-1/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2083\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2083 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Butters-Pic-1-298x300.jpg\" alt=\"Butters from South Park\" width=\"179\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Butters from South Park\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Snobby Pisser\u003c/strong>: Because you have the gift of dropping impressive and obscure theory at the drop of a hat, and peddling it into show proposals at major museums, you end up with a free ride to a school where everyone else has to take out loans worth more than they will ever make in their lifetimes to attend. You insist on pissing on your school at every opportunity, making everyone who was dumb enough to pay for what you got for free feel like kicking their education down the road like a can full of poop.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2089\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 120px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/200px-c-bob/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2089\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2089 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/200px-C-bob.png\" alt=\"Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons\" width=\"120\" height=\"214\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Political Fist Pumper\u003c/strong>: You shame everyone with your work, smugly chastising anyone who does not share your political beliefs. You make everyone feel bad about everything, and it wins you award after award because establishments are all filled with guilt. You never acknowledge the fact that if you were interested in truly changing anything, you would have become an environmental lawyer or something useful instead of back-patter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2084\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 144px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/americandad_hayley_240x260_091420100101/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2084\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2084 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/americanDad_hayley_240x260_091420100101.jpg\" alt=\"Haley Smith from American Dad\" width=\"144\" height=\"156\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Haley Smith from American Dad\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Hand-Biter\u003c/strong>: You get into grad school knowing the price tag only to complain constantly about the cost, as if someone higher up in academia will say, “You’re right!” and throw money down from the sky for you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2085\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 180px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/americandad_roger/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2085\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2085 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/AmericanDad_Roger.gif\" alt=\"Roger the Alien from American Dad\" width=\"180\" height=\"120\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Roger the Alien from American Dad\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>L'Enfant Terrible\u003c/strong>: Even though you are lucky enough to have a family that pays for you to dick around in art school, you pretend you can still be punk rock in a major institution by literally pissing on the walls of your studio. Sucks to be you, next door neighbor!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2093\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 240px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/peter-griffin-outfit/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2093\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2093 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/peter-griffin-outfit-300x220.jpg\" alt=\"Peter Griffin from Family Guy\" width=\"240\" height=\"176\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Peter Griffin from Family Guy\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Prince\u003c/strong>: You assume that, since your advisors are being paid to talk to you, everyone else on staff is, too. You delegate to the guards, the janitors, and the receptionist, as if paying for school buys you slaves. You don’t realize that you are paying a fortune to BE the slave to your education.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2097\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 178px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/mrburns/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2097\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2097 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/MrBurns-297x300.gif\" alt=\"Mr. Burns from the Simpsons\" width=\"178\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Mr. Burns from the Simpsons\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Friender\u003c/strong>: You forget that almost everyone in your studio is getting paid to talk to you and you won’t quite come to terms with the fact that none of them want to hang out with you when you graduate. In fact, the door will leave a huge bruise on your ass on the way out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2091\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 113px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/images-1/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2091\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2091 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/images-1.jpeg\" alt=\"Craig from South Park\" width=\"113\" height=\"160\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Craig from South Park\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/0zzzm/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2067\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2067 alignleft\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/0zzzm-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"0zzzm\" width=\"270\" height=\"203\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nI really tried to find grad movies to illustrate my points, but then I realized that there are hardly any movies about grad school. I did, of course, find a bunch of memes made by sad and angry self-obsessed grads stuck in dark computer labs across the world. It’s because even though it seems really fascinating and dramatic to complain about not getting enough sleep, it’s only mildly noteworthy to those stuck in your class with you. When you get out and have real problems, the drama of writing your thesis simply does not prove interesting to anyone. You’ll always have to suffer the fact that Mariah Carey's movie, \u003cem>Glitter\u003c/em>, was deemed to have more production value than your life in grad school.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Love, Serena a.k.a. Cartman\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/eric_cartman_chickenlover/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2098\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-2098 aligncenter\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Eric_Cartman_Chickenlover-300x228.jpeg\" alt=\"Eric_Cartman_Chickenlover\" width=\"180\" height=\"137\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/complaining-meme-generator-would-you-like-to-stop-complaining-about-graduate-school-53320f/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2071\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-2071\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/complaining-meme-generator-would-you-like-to-stop-complaining-about-graduate-school-53320f-300x268.jpg\" alt=\"complaining-meme-generator-would-you-like-to-stop-complaining-about-graduate-school-53320f\" width=\"240\" height=\"214\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/3oq04p/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2070\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-2070\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/3oq04p-300x219.jpg\" alt=\"3oq04p\" width=\"270\" height=\"197\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2066\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 277px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/3s3tcr/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2066\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-2066 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/3s3tcr.jpg\" alt=\"3s3tcr\" width=\"277\" height=\"342\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/3s3tcr.jpg 625w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/3s3tcr-400x492.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 277px) 100vw, 277px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">How was life worth living without Grumpy Cat memes?\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>I was talking about someone with my friend, and she wrinkled up her face and said definitively, “That girl reeks of grad school.” I laughed because I knew exactly what she meant. Now that I work in the same school where I earned my MFA, watching other young grads across the street is a strange experience. It’s like going back and reading your diary from age ten and cringing at the sheer embarrassment of what a naive ass you were, except that you’re discovering the naive ass you were mere semesters ago. It’s also horrifying as you begin to see how the sausage is made, like the part in Soylent Green where the guy realizes they’ve been eating people, except it’s where you realize the information you willingly signed up for was making you more annoying and less and less interesting to everyone around you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We should be clear here that when I say grad school, I mean a major in the Liberal Arts. Fine Art, Writing, Curatorial Practice, Visual Studies, and let’s throw in other majors that don’t qualify you for anything useful when you graduate, like History, Rhetoric and Philosophy. I’m not talking about people who attend higher education to study Medicine, Law, or Social Work -- people who actually might make a difference in someone else’s life in the future. And even though I was in a Fine Art program, I still don’t know anything. So before you get your panties in a bunch, you might want to just take off your underwear while you read this. The opinion of lil old me is nothing more than a comment from the caustic peanut gallery of the old men on the Muppets and if you can’t take it, leave it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/9Ym2L1urOz8'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/9Ym2L1urOz8'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>SMELLY GRAD SCHOOL TRAITS\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you are in grad school or recently got out, no amount of perfume is going to cover up the reek that everyone you know and love finds a little revolting. It will only stop festering when you learn to recognize your particular bouquet, made up of some or all of the following personality traits you picked up while doing your time inside. I’m not saying that I’m immune or cleansed of any of these, but I am in a self-help program called reality, and I’m doing my best to wash regularly. Also, I found a bunch of cartoon personalities to make it easier to recognize similar attributes in yourself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Glad-Hander\u003c/strong>: Your friends have come to the conclusion that they cannot take you to events. When a friend extends an invitation to something, you will make them rattle off who else will be there to network with before you consider going.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2078\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 107px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/quimby/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2078\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2078 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/quimby-178x300.jpg\" alt=\"Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons\" width=\"107\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Know-it-All\u003c/strong>: No one would ever want to be stuck in a conversation with you alone at a party. You will proceed to tell everyone that any idea they’ve ever had has been done before, and where and when. You will then start referencing theory no one cares to listen to, and everyone around you cries ‘yield’ and slowly walks away backward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2079\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 130px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/lisa-reading-lisa-simpson-642106_739_1024/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2079\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2079 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Lisa-reading-lisa-simpson-642106_739_1024-216x300.jpg\" alt=\"Lisa Simpson\" width=\"130\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lisa Simpson\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Star\u003c/strong>: You boldly boast of all the things you’ve been doing lately, all your latest and greatest achievements, and name-drop who you’ve been working with in every social media outlet available. Even worse, most of your news is mediocre at best, but you will put it all in a monthly newsletter clogging inboxes around the nation anyway. You announce your birthday in the same way, as if it were the only birthday known to man.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2080\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 180px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/bobs-burgers/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2080\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2080 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/bobs-burgers-300x216.jpg\" alt=\"Gene's girlfriend on Bob's Burgers\" width=\"180\" height=\"130\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gene's girlfriend on Bob's Burgers\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Unsolicited Advisor\u003c/strong>: Someone somewhere gave you the idea that you know more about life than anyone else. You proceed to cut people off mid-sentence to tell them how to handle their stress, money and other people giving them advice, oblivious to the fact that no one asked you for help. You might even go so far as to explain feminist theory to a woman in your stupid dude voice. Mmkay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2081\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 180px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/mr-garrison/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2081\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2081\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/mr-garrison-300x224.jpg\" alt=\"mr-garrison\" width=\"180\" height=\"134\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Mr. Garrison from South Park\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Morose Bummer-a-thon\u003c/strong>: All you talk about is how you wish you had more pills and the better school you wish you had gotten into and the fact that everyone is against you. You forget that you’re not in high school anymore and this is art school and everyone is a weirdo too and no one is judging you for being gay or socially handicapped.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2082\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 180px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/020810daria1/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2082\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2082 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/020810daria1-300x234.jpg\" alt=\"Daria\" width=\"180\" height=\"140\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Daria\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Frantic Busy-Bee\u003c/strong>: You flit around telling people dramatically about all the things you are doing, the show you’re in, and how you are just SO BUSY! You’re so stressed! You forget that no one cares about your group show/reading, etc. and that everyone around you has the same exact deadlines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2092\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 117px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/francine_smith___american_dad_by_leeroberts/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2092\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2092 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Francine_Smith___American_Dad_by_LeeRoberts.png\" alt=\"Francine_Smith___American_Dad_by_LeeRoberts\" width=\"117\" height=\"174\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Francine Smith from American Dad\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Idealistic Child\u003c/strong>: You’re one of those weirdos who never took a break from school, from Kindergarten to your first year of grad school. You forget how soon this insular bubble will pop and you’ll have to start paying back your loans with something you’ve never had and are not qualified for: a job. It hits you a month before graduation and suddenly your face is permanently twisted with fear.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2083\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 179px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/butters-pic-1/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2083\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2083 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Butters-Pic-1-298x300.jpg\" alt=\"Butters from South Park\" width=\"179\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Butters from South Park\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Snobby Pisser\u003c/strong>: Because you have the gift of dropping impressive and obscure theory at the drop of a hat, and peddling it into show proposals at major museums, you end up with a free ride to a school where everyone else has to take out loans worth more than they will ever make in their lifetimes to attend. You insist on pissing on your school at every opportunity, making everyone who was dumb enough to pay for what you got for free feel like kicking their education down the road like a can full of poop.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2089\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 120px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/200px-c-bob/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2089\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2089 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/200px-C-bob.png\" alt=\"Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons\" width=\"120\" height=\"214\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Political Fist Pumper\u003c/strong>: You shame everyone with your work, smugly chastising anyone who does not share your political beliefs. You make everyone feel bad about everything, and it wins you award after award because establishments are all filled with guilt. You never acknowledge the fact that if you were interested in truly changing anything, you would have become an environmental lawyer or something useful instead of back-patter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2084\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 144px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/americandad_hayley_240x260_091420100101/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2084\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2084 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/americanDad_hayley_240x260_091420100101.jpg\" alt=\"Haley Smith from American Dad\" width=\"144\" height=\"156\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Haley Smith from American Dad\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Hand-Biter\u003c/strong>: You get into grad school knowing the price tag only to complain constantly about the cost, as if someone higher up in academia will say, “You’re right!” and throw money down from the sky for you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2085\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 180px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/americandad_roger/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2085\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2085 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/AmericanDad_Roger.gif\" alt=\"Roger the Alien from American Dad\" width=\"180\" height=\"120\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Roger the Alien from American Dad\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>L'Enfant Terrible\u003c/strong>: Even though you are lucky enough to have a family that pays for you to dick around in art school, you pretend you can still be punk rock in a major institution by literally pissing on the walls of your studio. Sucks to be you, next door neighbor!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2093\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 240px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/peter-griffin-outfit/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2093\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2093 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/peter-griffin-outfit-300x220.jpg\" alt=\"Peter Griffin from Family Guy\" width=\"240\" height=\"176\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Peter Griffin from Family Guy\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Prince\u003c/strong>: You assume that, since your advisors are being paid to talk to you, everyone else on staff is, too. You delegate to the guards, the janitors, and the receptionist, as if paying for school buys you slaves. You don’t realize that you are paying a fortune to BE the slave to your education.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2097\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 178px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/mrburns/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2097\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2097 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/MrBurns-297x300.gif\" alt=\"Mr. Burns from the Simpsons\" width=\"178\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Mr. Burns from the Simpsons\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Friender\u003c/strong>: You forget that almost everyone in your studio is getting paid to talk to you and you won’t quite come to terms with the fact that none of them want to hang out with you when you graduate. In fact, the door will leave a huge bruise on your ass on the way out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_2091\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 113px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/images-1/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2091\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2091 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/images-1.jpeg\" alt=\"Craig from South Park\" width=\"113\" height=\"160\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Craig from South Park\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/0zzzm/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2067\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-2067 alignleft\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/0zzzm-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"0zzzm\" width=\"270\" height=\"203\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nI really tried to find grad movies to illustrate my points, but then I realized that there are hardly any movies about grad school. I did, of course, find a bunch of memes made by sad and angry self-obsessed grads stuck in dark computer labs across the world. It’s because even though it seems really fascinating and dramatic to complain about not getting enough sleep, it’s only mildly noteworthy to those stuck in your class with you. When you get out and have real problems, the drama of writing your thesis simply does not prove interesting to anyone. You’ll always have to suffer the fact that Mariah Carey's movie, \u003cem>Glitter\u003c/em>, was deemed to have more production value than your life in grad school.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Love, Serena a.k.a. Cartman\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/eric_cartman_chickenlover/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2098\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-2098 aligncenter\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/Eric_Cartman_Chickenlover-300x228.jpeg\" alt=\"Eric_Cartman_Chickenlover\" width=\"180\" height=\"137\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/03/05/the-reek-of-grad-school/complaining-meme-generator-would-you-like-to-stop-complaining-about-graduate-school-53320f/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2071\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-2071\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/03/complaining-meme-generator-would-you-like-to-stop-complaining-about-graduate-school-53320f-300x268.jpg\" alt=\"complaining-meme-generator-would-you-like-to-stop-complaining-about-graduate-school-53320f\" width=\"240\" height=\"214\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"order": 1
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"id": "code-switch-life-kit",
"title": "Code Switch / Life Kit",
"info": "\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em>, which listeners will hear in the first part of the hour, has fearless and much-needed conversations about race. Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. Because everyone needs a little help being human.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch\">\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/lifekit\">\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />",
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"meta": {
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"id": "commonwealth-club",
"title": "Commonwealth Club of California Podcast",
"info": "The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. As a non-partisan forum, The Club brings to the public airwaves diverse viewpoints on important topics. The Club's weekly radio broadcast - the oldest in the U.S., dating back to 1924 - is carried across the nation on public radio stations and is now podcasting. Our website archive features audio of our recent programs, as well as selected speeches from our long and distinguished history. This podcast feed is usually updated twice a week and is always un-edited.",
"airtime": "THU 10pm, FRI 1am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Commonwealth-Club-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
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"meta": {
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"source": "Commonwealth Club of California"
},
"link": "/radio/program/commonwealth-club",
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cDovL3d3dy5jb21tb253ZWFsdGhjbHViLm9yZy9hdWRpby9wb2RjYXN0L3dlZWtseS54bWw",
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},
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"id": "forum",
"title": "Forum",
"tagline": "The conversation starts here",
"info": "KQED’s live call-in program discussing local, state, national and international issues, as well as in-depth interviews.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 9am-11am, 10pm-11pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Forum-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Forum with Mina Kim and Alexis Madrigal",
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 9
},
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM5NTU3MzgxNjMz",
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"id": "freakonomics-radio",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "http://freakonomics.com/",
"airtime": "SUN 1am-2am, SAT 3pm-4pm",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "WNYC"
},
"link": "/radio/program/freakonomics-radio",
"subscribe": {
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"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/freakonomics-radio/id354668519",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/podcasts/WNYC-Podcasts/Freakonomics-Radio-p272293/",
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},
"fresh-air": {
"id": "fresh-air",
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"link": "/radio/program/fresh-air",
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"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=214089682&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
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"info": "A live production of NPR and WBUR Boston, in collaboration with stations across the country, Here & Now reflects the fluid world of news as it's happening in the middle of the day, with timely, in-depth news, interviews and conversation. Hosted by Robin Young, Jeremy Hobson and Tonya Mosley.",
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"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510051/podcast.xml"
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},
"hidden-brain": {
"id": "hidden-brain",
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"info": "Shankar Vedantam uses science and storytelling to reveal the unconscious patterns that drive human behavior, shape our choices and direct our relationships.",
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"airtime": "SUN 7pm-8pm",
"meta": {
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"source": "NPR"
},
"link": "/radio/program/hidden-brain",
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},
"how-i-built-this": {
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"title": "How I Built This with Guy Raz",
"info": "Guy Raz dives into the stories behind some of the world's best known companies. How I Built This weaves a narrative journey about innovators, entrepreneurs and idealists—and the movements they built.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/05/howIBuiltThis.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510313/how-i-built-this",
"airtime": "SUN 7:30pm-8pm",
"meta": {
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"link": "/radio/program/how-i-built-this",
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"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/3zxy",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/how-i-built-this-with-guy-raz/id1150510297?mt=2",
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"hyphenacion": {
"id": "hyphenacion",
"title": "Hyphenación",
"tagline": "Where conversation and cultura meet",
"info": "What kind of no sabo word is Hyphenación? For us, it’s about living within a hyphenation. Like being a third-gen Mexican-American from the Texas border now living that Bay Area Chicano life. Like Xorje! Each week we bring together a couple of hyphenated Latinos to talk all about personal life choices: family, careers, relationships, belonging … everything is on the table. ",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Hyphenacion_FinalAssets_PodcastTile.png",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/hyphenacion",
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"order": 15
},
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},
"jerrybrown": {
"id": "jerrybrown",
"title": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown",
"tagline": "Lessons from a lifetime in politics",
"info": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown brings listeners the wisdom of the former Governor, Mayor, and presidential candidate. Scott Shafer interviewed Brown for more than 40 hours, covering the former governor's life and half-century in the political game – and Brown has some lessons he'd like to share. ",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-Political-Mind-of-Jerry-Brown-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/jerrybrown",
"meta": {
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"order": 18
},
"link": "/podcasts/jerrybrown",
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},
"latino-usa": {
"id": "latino-usa",
"title": "Latino USA",
"airtime": "MON 1am-2am, SUN 6pm-7pm",
"info": "Latino USA, the radio journal of news and culture, is the only national, English-language radio program produced from a Latino perspective.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/latinoUsa.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://latinousa.org/",
"meta": {
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},
"link": "/radio/program/latino-usa",
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"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=79681317&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
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"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510016/podcast.xml"
}
},
"marketplace": {
"id": "marketplace",
"title": "Marketplace",
"info": "Our flagship program, helmed by Kai Ryssdal, examines what the day in money delivered, through stories, conversations, newsworthy numbers and more. Updated Monday through Friday at about 3:30 p.m. PT.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 4pm-4:30pm, MON-WED 6:30pm-7pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Marketplace-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.marketplace.org/",
"meta": {
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"source": "American Public Media"
},
"link": "/radio/program/marketplace",
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},
"masters-of-scale": {
"id": "masters-of-scale",
"title": "Masters of Scale",
"info": "Masters of Scale is an original podcast in which LinkedIn co-founder and Greylock Partner Reid Hoffman sets out to describe and prove theories that explain how great entrepreneurs take their companies from zero to a gazillion in ingenious fashion.",
"airtime": "Every other Wednesday June 12 through October 16 at 8pm (repeats Thursdays at 2am)",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Masters-of-Scale-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://mastersofscale.com/",
"meta": {
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"source": "WaitWhat"
},
"link": "/radio/program/masters-of-scale",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "http://mastersofscale.app.link/",
"rss": "https://rss.art19.com/masters-of-scale"
}
},
"mindshift": {
"id": "mindshift",
"title": "MindShift",
"tagline": "A podcast about the future of learning and how we raise our kids",
"info": "The MindShift podcast explores the innovations in education that are shaping how kids learn. Hosts Ki Sung and Katrina Schwartz introduce listeners to educators, researchers, parents and students who are developing effective ways to improve how kids learn. We cover topics like how fed-up administrators are developing surprising tactics to deal with classroom disruptions; how listening to podcasts are helping kids develop reading skills; the consequences of overparenting; and why interdisciplinary learning can engage students on all ends of the traditional achievement spectrum. This podcast is part of the MindShift education site, a division of KQED News. KQED is an NPR/PBS member station based in San Francisco. You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/mindshift/",
"meta": {
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 12
},
"link": "/podcasts/mindshift",
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5",
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}
},
"morning-edition": {
"id": "morning-edition",
"title": "Morning Edition",
"info": "\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. Hosts Steve Inskeep, David Greene and Rachel Martin bring you the latest breaking news and features to prepare you for the day.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 3am-9am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Morning-Edition-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/programs/morning-edition/",
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"link": "/radio/program/morning-edition"
},
"onourwatch": {
"id": "onourwatch",
"title": "On Our Watch",
"tagline": "Deeply-reported investigative journalism",
"info": "For decades, the process for how police police themselves has been inconsistent – if not opaque. In some states, like California, these proceedings were completely hidden. After a new police transparency law unsealed scores of internal affairs files, our reporters set out to examine these cases and the shadow world of police discipline. On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/On-Our-Watch-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "On Our Watch from NPR and KQED",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/onourwatch",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 11
},
"link": "/podcasts/onourwatch",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1567098962",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5ucHIub3JnLzUxMDM2MC9wb2RjYXN0LnhtbD9zYz1nb29nbGVwb2RjYXN0cw",
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"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/show/on-our-watch",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510360/podcast.xml"
}
},
"on-the-media": {
"id": "on-the-media",
"title": "On The Media",
"info": "Our weekly podcast explores how the media 'sausage' is made, casts an incisive eye on fluctuations in the marketplace of ideas, and examines threats to the freedom of information and expression in America and abroad. For one hour a week, the show tries to lift the veil from the process of \"making media,\" especially news media, because it's through that lens that we see the world and the world sees us",
"airtime": "SUN 2pm-3pm, MON 12am-1am",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/onTheMedia.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/otm",
"meta": {
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"source": "wnyc"
},
"link": "/radio/program/on-the-media",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/on-the-media/id73330715?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/On-the-Media-p69/",
"rss": "http://feeds.wnyc.org/onthemedia"
}
},
"pbs-newshour": {
"id": "pbs-newshour",
"title": "PBS NewsHour",
"info": "Analysis, background reports and updates from the PBS NewsHour putting today's news in context.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 3pm-4pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/PBS-News-Hour-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.pbs.org/newshour/",
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"source": "pbs"
},
"link": "/radio/program/pbs-newshour",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pbs-newshour-full-show/id394432287?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/PBS-NewsHour---Full-Show-p425698/",
"rss": "https://www.pbs.org/newshour/feeds/rss/podcasts/show"
}
},
"perspectives": {
"id": "perspectives",
"title": "Perspectives",
"tagline": "KQED's series of daily listener commentaries since 1991",
"info": "KQED's series of daily listener commentaries since 1991.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Perspectives_Tile_Final.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Perspectives",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/perspectives/",
"meta": {
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 14
},
"link": "/perspectives",
"subscribe": {
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"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/432309616/perspectives",
"rss": "https://ww2.kqed.org/perspectives/category/perspectives/feed/",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93dzIua3FlZC5vcmcvcGVyc3BlY3RpdmVzL2NhdGVnb3J5L3BlcnNwZWN0aXZlcy9mZWVkLw"
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},
"planet-money": {
"id": "planet-money",
"title": "Planet Money",
"info": "The economy explained. Imagine you could call up a friend and say, Meet me at the bar and tell me what's going on with the economy. Now imagine that's actually a fun evening.",
"airtime": "SUN 3pm-4pm",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/planetmoney.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/sections/money/",
"meta": {
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"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/planet-money",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/M4f5",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/planet-money/id290783428?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/podcasts/Business--Economics-Podcasts/Planet-Money-p164680/",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510289/podcast.xml"
}
},
"politicalbreakdown": {
"id": "politicalbreakdown",
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