In case the breathless coverage of Full House in the past hasn't tipped you off, I'm a fan of the show and cautiously intrigued by the revival. Netflix just released the first photos from the set, which means it's my duty to overanalyze them. Let me find my magnifying glass.
Found it! Let's give these pics a look.
The girls are all grown up! And apparently share the same hair stylist! Stephanie and Kimmie wanted to keep the uniformity going by wearing feline-inspired fashions. D.J. was like nah, this random baby will probably just throw up on it so uninspired grey shirt it is!
Someone on Twitter pointed out that the house looks like the one from Step By Step. If you're making this face right now, you're not alone:
Ugh, kids. I understand that this show is more about grabbing the attention of a whole new generation à la Girl Meets World, but I can't help but want everything to be about me and the other old people on the show.
I'm a novice body language reader so I'm going to go ahead and say that D.J. is going to be a stick-in-the-mud helicopter mom (her husband died so she won't want her sons to take any risks). Stephanie will fill Uncle Jessie's shoes and be the fun aunt who's rock 'n' roll in the tamest way possible. The oldest kid is going to reach puberty and for sure have a weird dream about Stephanie. The younger brother will be a pyromaniac for at least two episodes. If Kimmie's daughter's knack for matching prints -- turtles and gemstones! -- is any indication, she will out-quirk her mother, who has been tamed by old age. How will Kimmie deal with being a disciplinarian and welcomed guest rather than a rule-breaker and constant interloper?
Okay, now things are getting interesting!! Damn, Stephanie, yes! San Francisco is a very different place than it was back in the '90s so why not pretend it's Vegas? Meanwhile, Kimmie is imitating a dog or cat, while D.J. continues to be a judgmental wet blanket.
Aww, still the kind of feel-good show that makes your teeth hurt. Danny Tanner looks on and feels pride at how well his daughters turned out, but he can't ignore that gnawing, hollow feeling in his chest over Michelle, who's decided to cut ties with her family to be Anna Wintour. Also, he's trying really hard to stop himself from cleaning something.
Uncle Jessie and Aunt Becky must have sold their Aryan twins for an immortality elixir because damn, they're still really hot. And, last and also least, Uncle Joey sadly looks down at his hands, which aided him in doing whatever drove Alanis to write the ultimate diss track, "You Oughta Know."
Fuller House premieres on Netflix on February 26th.