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"content": "\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"#episode-transcript\">\u003ci>View the full episode transcript.\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Our \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/loveyouforyou\">\u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em>\u003c/a> series features conversations between trans and nonbinary youth from across California and the people in their lives who love and mentor them: parents, grandparents, siblings and others.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week, we’ll explore how parents stretch, adapt and grow alongside their children, learning in real time what it means to support their trans and gender-expansive kids.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We’ll hear a conversation between a 12-year-old transgender girl and her mom, which ranges from the joys of dancing and shopping to confronting the current anti-trans climate. 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We’re continuing our series this week about transgender and gender-expansive kids across California, talking to people in their lives who love, support and mentor them so they can thrive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12063881\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003ca href=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B.png\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12063881\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B.png 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B-160x90.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B-1536x864.png 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B-1200x675.png 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">An illustration of a 12-year-old transgender girl in a photo booth with her mom. Many families in this series have chosen to remain anonymous and not use their names or show their faces out of fear that they could face harm in this current climate. \u003ccite>(Anna Vignet/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Montage of voices\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Being trans, of course, it’s a big deal, but I wish it didn’t feel like such a big deal. I wish I just felt like, you now, another fun thing about me instead of my whole identity? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What do you want people who are targeting trans kids right now to know about your grandkid? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Just about how special she is. That you gotta know the person. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Thanks for letting me be who I am. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>And thank you for letting me be your parent and for letting me love you. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem> \u003c/em>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We’re calling the series \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em>, and this week we’re going to hear two conversations between kids and their parents about the parents’ journey to fully understand and support their child’s gender identity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago:\u003c/strong> Me and mom tried to really approach this like in the best way that we’ve thought that we could but there have to have been missteps along the way. Like, what did we do right, what do we do wrong?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui:\u003c/strong> You kind of fight my battles for me in some ways? I liked it when you gave me a minute to stand up for myself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>We’ll hear from this dad and his kids later in the show, but we’re going to start this episode with a 12-year-old girl in conversation with her mom. And just a note, this family, like many in this series, are not using their names because of fear that they could face harm in this current climate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>So me first? OK. So I am in seventh grade. I live in the Bay Area. My pronouns are she, her. And this is my mom!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>All right. And I’m her mom. My pronouns are also she, her. And I also live in the Bay Area, because we live together.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>What grade are you in?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Oh, I’m, I graduated from um a really big grade, and now I’m not in school anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>A really big grade. OK. So yeah, I’m 12 right now, almost 13. And when I started, like, really transitioning from a boy to a girl, I was like, how old was I? I was like six, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Well\u003cstrong>, \u003c/strong>I mean, we can talk about going back to when you were three years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I was just about to say that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>And we were …\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>No, wait, I want to talk about this.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>OK, tell me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid:\u003c/strong> So, when I was 3 years old, I had like developed a obsession with wearing dresses and sometimes I wore dresses to preschool and it was like so fun because I was so fancy. Also, I like danced around in dresses with my brother a bunch like just like go crazy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>But of course, we didn’t have dresses for you. That wasn’t part of your wardrobe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>For me, yeah. Yeah, that wasn’t a part of my wardrobe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> So it was towels or it was…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Or it was yeah, or was your old dresses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>My old dresses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid:\u003c/strong> And I was like so fancy, and I pranced around the house.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>And we were trying in vain to get you to get in a beautiful Christmas suit to go to a Christmas party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>And I was like, “No! I, I don’t want to be handsome. I want to be beautiful.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Hmm-mm. Yeah, there was no coming out. It was always just was.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Always like that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I was never one of those, like manly boys, masculine boys. When I was, like, tiny, I would kind of describe myself as that one little gay boy with, like, my pink ruffles.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>How do you, how did you decide, or how is it clear to you that you’re not the little gay boy, but you’re a girl?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I think one day there’s like this bus with the mad ladies on it, just like models like looking, like glaring at the screen like they always do, and I was like ‘Oh, that looks fun, I want to do that,’ and also I’ve always had an obsession with dresses and never suits or anything like that. So I think it just like gradually happened. It was like meant to be. ‘Cause I started feeling like that at a really young age. I followed my gut.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Mm-hmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I was never ever doubtful that I wanted to be a girl. I never had doubt in that. I was always sure that this is what I was going to be when I grew up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I think we spent a lot of time kind of considering that and, and making sure it’s the right path and talking you and me and talking to therapists.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>And how are you doing now?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I am doing good. I’m doing pretty fine. I am kind of like antsy to get on, like to finally start estrogen because we put in the puberty blocker implant a while ago. I’m feeling pretty content.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Um, how has your view changed on the LGBTQ+ community because I’m your kid?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>OK. Good question.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I think I’ve learned a lot. I guess what I didn’t know was the breadth of people’s experience and how much range there is in what someone feels in terms of their own gender but also their sexuality, and how there are lots of different combinations and ways that that’s expressed, and it’s all cool and it…you can be happy anywhere on that spectrum, you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I definitely didn’t know how a transition is managed and how you know there’s a whole field of doctors and therapists and people who are there to care for us and make sure that it’s safe and healthy and that we’re happy. I’m like really happy to know that community now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I mean, I’ve like caught you reading a few books about this, And that’s nice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>What makes you happy?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I would have to say friends and mall shopping trips. Because friends, they’re my friends and they make me happy. And the reason why they’re my friends is that they make me happy. And the mall trip, it’s because I have a bit of a shopping addiction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> I know. What is it that you love to buy?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Mostly beauty products, like makeup and skincare and hair care.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Have you been coaching me a little bit on all of that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I have, I have, what product are you wearing right now on your lips?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I mean, I don’t know. I think it’s called lippy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>You’re not serious, right? You know what product it is, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Tell me. How do you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I guided you to the exact place in store. Like told you, the directions like because I know that store by heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I’m in good hands.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>OK. Tell me about your friends a little more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>My friends, most of them are from school. We have like a huge friend group. But I’m especially friends with like, I have two like really close friends, and we’re kind of like a trio and we like do everything together.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I love that for you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>We’re like a bit too close of friends because we were not allowed to sit together anymore because we talked too much to each other. You didn’t hear that, well, no, it’s just a little thing, like if we’re working together on a group project, we get to sit together, but anything else, no.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>OK, so tell me about life outside of school. What are you, what’s your greatest accomplishment and what are you most proud of?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Outside of school, I would say I’m most proud of dance, um, and that’s because I’m on my ninth year of dance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>What’s the gift that dance has given you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid:\u003c/strong> I don’t know, maybe uh, the gift that dance has given me is confidence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Do you remember what you said after the first time you did get up on stage? Do you remember your reaction?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid:\u003c/strong> I don’t remember exactly what I said, but my reaction was like, oh my god, that’s so, that’s easy, like that’s not scary at all, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> And you said, the words that you said were, “I was born to be on that stage.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Actually, yeah. Oh my god, I don’t remember that at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Do you feel like being trans makes you different from other kids at school or at dance?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I do not feel that way because none of my personal friends knows, I haven’t like opened up to them yet, so like, they just treat me like another girl at our school who just happens to be their friend, so then we just do all the normal stuff together\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Do you think anything would change if you did share with them?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I’m really not sure. Because I have a bunch of friends at school, and I’m not sure, like, how they view, like, trans people or the LGBTQ+ community, so like ‘cause we don’t really talk about that stuff, um, so I’m not sure.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>It’s hard to know without bringing it up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah. If one of your friends found out, or like, if you told one of your friends that you had a trans kid, would that affect the way they viewed you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Well, I’ve had some experience with that. I think I have told lots of friends. Their reaction has been overwhelmingly wonderful. And then it becomes a non-issue.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>That’s what happens. I’m only friends with good people. Do you feel like anything about being trans has made you feel, has made your experience different, like has made you grow up faster, made you think about things more deeply?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Uh\u003cstrong>, \u003c/strong>I do think so in some ways because you have to like, I had to like snap back into the real world sometimes to see what’s going on with like politics and stuff like that. And like sometimes there’s bad news about that. So I feel like I’ve had to mature faster than normal, to like, I guess, process that. And also you’ve told me to think to the future, like how would this transition like affect me in the future a bunch. So, yeah, I do think so.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Do you try to stay educated about what’s happening in politics?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yes, definitely.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>How does it make you feel when you hear about something that is negative about LGBTQ people in the news?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I mean, I don’t really feel offended. Like, it’s kind of weird, because I’ve like started to view myself as just another girl, like a normal, like a normal person, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Just let it roll off you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I mostly just laugh at it because it’s so ridiculous.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>That’s a good attitude\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Why are you looking at me like that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I just love you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid:\u003c/strong> OK.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> OK.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Um, what do you most proud of about your mom?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I am proud how you have completely accepted me and like adapted or like learned everything you can about me and people like me, and I think that’s just really sweet, and I’m also proud how you’ve also accepted that you are not walking out of this world without a full encyclopedia of skincare and makeup in your head.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> I knew this was going to go back to the mall. Yeah, I’ve started my journey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>You’ve started your journey. You’ve started your retinol peptide.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I’m trying to be open to that journey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yes, you are. I dunno, I’m glad I’m on this journey with you, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Aww.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Stop, no, don’t make a big deal about that. No, don’t get all mushy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>OK, I’m very happy to be your partner in this journey as well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sasha Khokha: Several of the conversations we’ve brought you in our\u003cem> Love You for You series\u003c/em> — like the one you just heard — have been between transgender kids and their moms. Now we’re going to hear from a dad — Roberto Santiago — talking with his two gender-expansive kids. Ryu is 15 and uses they/them pronouns, and Eloui, who’s 14 and uses neopronouns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>Eloui, just for people who may not know, I don’t think everyone knows about neopronouns, so could you just talk a little bit about that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Um, so, uh, neopronoun is any pronoun outside of he, him, she, her, they, them. Any pronoun other than that is a neopronoun. So my pronouns, xe/xyr, are spelled X-E-X-Y-R.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>Ryu and Eloui talk with their dad about what they think their parents have done right on their gender journey and what they could do better. And also what it’s been like having a sibling who’s also gender-expansive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>You guys have been like so supportive of each other. Ryu got your pronouns before I did, much more consistently, and what has it been like, I mean, who’s having a similar journey, you know, how, what has that done for you in terms of like your ability to explore your gender or whatever?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Well, Ryu, my entire life has been like the person I talk to, the person who gets me. Like, I don’t know, so if it was really good to have like the person who’s always understood me more than most other people, like understand this as well. That’s been really great, and it’s nice to have someone to rely on to talk about the issues of a genderqueer child in America, because like they don’t get all of it. We don’t experience gender dysphoria the same way, but like it is, it’s still nice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>I don’t even experience gender dysphoria at all, really, and thank goodness for that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui:\u003c/strong> Lucky you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>I cannot imagine. Um, Eloui was also, you know, huge in terms of my, my initial just coming out, right? Just like having that person essentially test the waters for me, right? And see how everyone in my community and everyone in my family was so wonderful and loving and accepting. And so like, I, you know, really just got my, got to do my transition almost entirely risk-free. Thanks to Eloui.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>And I remember being very overjoyed when Ryu came out. I was like, someone who gets it, right here, who lives in my house, across the hallway, in my same room, whatever, it was great.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>And so I’m curious from you guys, like what what about gender expression, like you’re for yourself, like what has that been like, and then what do you think the world should know? Like what’s misunderstood about gender expression?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui:\u003c/strong> I really like to wear skirts and dresses, but I also hate to be perceived as female. So something that’s been hard for me, especially recently, is like I want to be pretty and girlie without being seen as female. I want, I’ve always said that if people are going to assume my gender as binary, male or female, I would rather them see me as male.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>I’ve always just worn the clothing that like feels most comfortable on my body. Which is 90% of the time just gonna be you know like, a T-shirt and some sweatpants. Uh, for me, the biggest part of gender expression in my life has always been my hair. I throughout my life have have gone through having very short and very long hair, and I currently have long hair. Um, and I, I like both because, and you know, I generally style it in a way that is perceived as androgynous because I like the way that that looks on me. And two, it’s literally just like convenient, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui:\u003c/strong> Yeah, I guess I do a lot of things, mostly that are typically perceived as female. Um, I like to bake. I like cook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>You also play rugby and hit people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Eloui: I also play rugby and hit people, and I like to get dirty, and I like to play video games so like I’m, I feel like I am kind of pretty in the middle.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>I mean, I’ll be honest, I think that just makes both of you like typical kids for me, right? Like what I take from that, from what you all are saying is, that you know, there’s a gender binary, but also we know that there’s a gender, you know, spectrum, right? And some people lean hard into the binary, whether they’re cis or transgender, right. And, and some people, you know, who are transgender will make that completely binary flip, right. Whereas there’s also all these people out there who are living their lives somewhere in between, and their gender expression is coming somewhere in between. And I think that that’s really important for people like me who are still learning to not make assumptions, right? And to just, again, it goes back to like, I’m gonna wait for you to tell me who you are and not make assumptions about people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>I’m curious. So what’s been your experience like with your classmates and your peers and maybe your teammates at rugby?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>I mean, I was expecting, you know, honestly, more of a kind of positive response. Like I wasn’t really expecting like a whole party or anything, right? But I was expecting people to at least make an effort. I told everyone that I use they/them and they continue using he/him. And I would, you, I corrected them for about, you know, three or four months, which, always ‘sorry’ and then nothing would change. Uh, and I just, I kind of got tired of it and I just, you know, was, was a boy at rugby essentially for another couple of years before I quit. And I think that’s part of the reason why I quit was just like, nothing malicious was happening, but nobody was making an effort.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>I went back to rugby in January, and I am playing on a girls’ team. And like, there has been some weirdness because I didn’t actually like, I told, I didn’t make a big announcement when I joined the team. I kinda told people one by one, starting with the people that I thought would be chill with it. And then I kinda accidentally told like all of the like low-key, kinda mean girls on the team that I was trans. And ever since then, you know, I could feel them like kinda giving me weird looks and being weird and like trying to be extra nice. And I get that a lot with like people trying to be nice. And I know a lot of the time it comes from a place of sincerity. And they’re not always trying to be mean?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>It just feels patronizing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I am a person like you and I am just here to play rugby and now I will tackle you, please stop being patronizing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>So Eloui, at a certain point, a couple years ago, you had been playing rugby, and then you stopped for a couple of years, and you still sort of held on to being a rugby player as part of your identity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>It’s a really important part of me, it’s something that I take a lot of pride in, it makes me feel tough, and I wannabe tough, you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>But then this year you went back, and I think one of the big differences that people probably don’t know about youth rugby or maybe youth sports in general is that when you play up until about middle school, the teams are co-ed, right? So you played on a co-ed team when you were little. Then you stopped. Did you stop because it was becoming gendered? What was it like going back to a gendered team?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>There were two big reasons I stopped, and the first one was I quit rugby the same day I found out Ryu quit rugby, because Ryu was such an important part of my rugby experience, I didn’t want to do rugby without them, but yeah, the other thing was definitely, I am so scared of having to play on a gendered team.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>And then you did for a season?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>And honestly, most of it was actually a really good experience for me. All the girls that I immediately made friends with were like super sweet about it and so understanding. And like my favorite coach got it immediately and the other kids, it took a minute, but they’re getting there. Um there’s a part of me that is femme and is a girl and helped me connect to that in a way that’s not associated with femininity because it’s a tough, tackle you into the mud sport. So it was a really like almost healing experience for all the parts of me. It was also hard because people would say, OK, for the photo, everyone say, ‘girls rugby.’ Or like, ‘OK, girls’ like to go to do this, and I tried to correct them every time, but like they didn’t always listen to me. And that was a struggle because like, you have to find the middle ground between sticking up for yourself and just accepting that like, I signed up to be on a girl’s team and I’m just gonna have to let it go sometimes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>But also, we could provide maybe a list of like group pronouns that are not gendered, right? Hey y’all, hey folks, hey team, hey players, hey, you know, that can help counteract that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>But I am curious, like, you know, me and mom tried to really approach this like in the best way that we’ve thought that we could, right? And we’re pretty open-minded. There have to have been missteps along the way. Like, what did we do right, what do we do wrong? What would you tell parents or kids or whatever in the world about your experience being parented?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Well, less so these days, but like when I was younger, one thing that you, and especially mom, would do a lot of the time, is you kind of fight my battles for me in some ways? And I really appreciate it, and I really did appreciate it. But like someone would misgender me, and I would start to correct them. And like one of you, mom or you, would often, I don’t even think without realizing it, just kind of jump in and correct them for me. And I appreciate that a lot. And I know it’s like parent protectiveness, but one thing I would say is let the kid figure it out for themself. And if they don’t say anything, to make sure that the kid knows that you’re supporting them, correct the person. But like give, I liked it when you gave me a minute to stand up for myself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>Yeah, and I think something that I started to do with both of you is going into a situation or like if we had like a little moment as an aside, being able to just ask you, like, do, do you wanna say anything? Do you want me to say anything, or do you just wanna let it go? And letting you guys lead from that perspective. Once I learned how to do that, I think that was helpful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Yeah, that was a big upgrade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>But the main thing that you got right, and the most important thing, is to just say yes to your kid and listen to what they’re asking of you, right? Like, at the end of the day, if they want to change their name or change their pronouns, the very least you can do is just respect that because it costs nothing to be kind to them and to validate them. And the alternative can be some really scary stuff that your kid has to go through, right? They can feel unloved, they can feel like nobody wants them, right, because if your parents, the people that society and your instincts and everything tells you should be the people that love and care for you the most. And you have this huge facet of your being that you feel and they just won’t accept that. And in some cases, they won’t even accept any of you just because of that part of you. Um, that can feel awful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I’m wondering, like, do you have any misgivings? Do you feel like there’s anything that like you could have really done better, because I know for me personally, I feel like my trans experience in relation to you two at least has has been wonderful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>Oh, thanks. Yeah. I mean, I think some of my missteps came even before either of you came out. So like Ryu, I think about that time, you know, you wanted to wear your hair in a ponytail and a scrunchie to day care. And I was like, “That’s fine. You can do that, but you have to understand some kids aren’t going to get it and they might tease you.” And you, the look on your face, when I said that, like, I thought I was trying to be supportive, right? Because I wasn’t saying don’t do it. I was just wanting to prepare you for the fact that other people might not be as accepting. And even that kind of crushed you a little bit. And I felt so bad, because I was getting out of the car to go to school, and I was like, I didn’t have a chance to fix it. I learned so much from that. I think a lot of the things that I regret or that I feel bad about are things that you, you all never saw. You know, like conversations I may have had early on with people that you weren’t privy to, but that’s where I was probably expressing my, my doubts and my misgivings and my fears and, you know, just how new it was. And I think that that’s something that it’s important for parents to know, and I think I’ve said this, but it’s OK to not be there yet. Right? Like, don’t show your kid that. Right. But if you internally feel like, “Oh, no, like, I don’t know about this, like I dunno how I feel about this,” as long as you’re kind of working through that yourself and not putting that on your kid, I work through it. Right. And the goal I hope is to get to a place of acceptance, but, you know, don’t totally beat yourself up either if you’re like, ‘I’m freaking out.’\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>I think what you did right is like all the things. Everything\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago:\u003c/strong> Right on. Thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>Yeah, so, you know, you’ve been living this life for a little while, and there’s a lot going on in the world right now. What are you hopeful for for the future for trans kids?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>All the trans people I know have one vision, and it is just a society where being trans isn’t this whole like thing, right? Where I can just say, “Hey, I’m trans.” And everyone’s like, “OK, cool.” And trans people can get access to their gender-affirming care the same way cis people can get access to their gender-affirming care. I would just like to see trans people become more integrated, accepted, normalized members of society instead of sort of being ostracized and feeling othered and having to create our own safe spaces. I think the world should just be a safe space.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>Right. You want to be mundane. You don’t want to be a topic of conversation anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Like I want to be a person. I wanna be all kinds of things, and also trans. I don’t wanna be trans and all kinds of things because I feel like how a lot of people see me. I’m just me, I’m like you. You know, I’m not an exhibit, I am not an alien. I’m, I’m just a person. I want to be seen as that. Like, “Oh, I’m Eloui and I like purple. Oh, I am Eloui, also I’m trans.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>This has been really great, and I’m looking forward to seeing what the next bit of time brings us.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Thanks for supporting us.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>I’m glad that there are spaces for like stories like this to be told.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago:\u003c/strong> Love you, bud.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui\u003c/strong>: Love you, Dad.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>Roberto Santiago and his two kids, 14-year-old Eloui and 15-year-old Ryu, as part of our series \u003cem>Love You For You, \u003c/em>where transgender kids talk about what it means to thrive with support from the adults in their lives.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The interviews in our \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> series were produced by me, Sasha Khokha, Tessa Paoli and Suzie Racho with help from Gabriela Glueck. Our senior editor is Victoria Mauleon. Our engineer is Brendan Willard. Srishti Prabha is our intern.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Special thanks to Tuck Woodstock, host of the\u003ca href=\"https://www.genderpodcast.com/\"> Gender Reveal podcast\u003c/a> for all his help on the series. And to KQED’s Jen Chien, Katie Sprenger, Ana de Almeida Amaral and Anna Vignet. You can find all the interviews in our \u003cem>Love You for You \u003c/em>series on our podcast. The California Report Magazine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Next week on the show, we’ll meet some transgender elders who’ve got some words of wisdom for a younger generation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Quetzali: \u003c/strong>Do you have any advice for trans and gender expansive people of my generation about resilience?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Donna Persona: \u003c/strong>I’m thriving. I am loved. I get to do the mightiest things in life. And I would say to my younger transgender community, don’t identify as a victim, identify as a warrior, a fighter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>That’s next week on the California Report Magazine. Your state, your stories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"#episode-transcript\">\u003ci>View the full episode transcript.\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Our \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/loveyouforyou\">\u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em>\u003c/a> series features conversations between trans and nonbinary youth from across California and the people in their lives who love and mentor them: parents, grandparents, siblings and others.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week, we’ll explore how parents stretch, adapt and grow alongside their children, learning in real time what it means to support their trans and gender-expansive kids.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We’ll hear a conversation between a 12-year-old transgender girl and her mom, which ranges from the joys of dancing and shopping to confronting the current anti-trans climate. We’ll also meet two gender-expansive siblings, who talk to their dad about what it’s been like to support one another, and reflect on how well their parents navigated their identities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Guests:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>A 12-year-old transgender girl (she/her) and her mom\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Roberto Santiago, a father and his gender expansive kids, Eloui, 14 (xe/xyr) and Ryu, 15 (they/them)\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm?e=KQINC1846671904\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 id=\"episode-transcript\">Episode Transcript\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>I’m Sasha Khokha, and it’s The California Report Magazine. We’re continuing our series this week about transgender and gender-expansive kids across California, talking to people in their lives who love, support and mentor them so they can thrive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12063881\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003ca href=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B.png\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12063881\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B.png 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B-160x90.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B-1536x864.png 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/LYFY_WEB_Ep3_B-1200x675.png 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">An illustration of a 12-year-old transgender girl in a photo booth with her mom. Many families in this series have chosen to remain anonymous and not use their names or show their faces out of fear that they could face harm in this current climate. \u003ccite>(Anna Vignet/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Montage of voices\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Being trans, of course, it’s a big deal, but I wish it didn’t feel like such a big deal. I wish I just felt like, you now, another fun thing about me instead of my whole identity? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What do you want people who are targeting trans kids right now to know about your grandkid? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Just about how special she is. That you gotta know the person. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Thanks for letting me be who I am. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>And thank you for letting me be your parent and for letting me love you. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem> \u003c/em>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We’re calling the series \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em>, and this week we’re going to hear two conversations between kids and their parents about the parents’ journey to fully understand and support their child’s gender identity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago:\u003c/strong> Me and mom tried to really approach this like in the best way that we’ve thought that we could but there have to have been missteps along the way. Like, what did we do right, what do we do wrong?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui:\u003c/strong> You kind of fight my battles for me in some ways? I liked it when you gave me a minute to stand up for myself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>We’ll hear from this dad and his kids later in the show, but we’re going to start this episode with a 12-year-old girl in conversation with her mom. And just a note, this family, like many in this series, are not using their names because of fear that they could face harm in this current climate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>So me first? OK. So I am in seventh grade. I live in the Bay Area. My pronouns are she, her. And this is my mom!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>All right. And I’m her mom. My pronouns are also she, her. And I also live in the Bay Area, because we live together.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>What grade are you in?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Oh, I’m, I graduated from um a really big grade, and now I’m not in school anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>A really big grade. OK. So yeah, I’m 12 right now, almost 13. And when I started, like, really transitioning from a boy to a girl, I was like, how old was I? I was like six, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Well\u003cstrong>, \u003c/strong>I mean, we can talk about going back to when you were three years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I was just about to say that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>And we were …\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>No, wait, I want to talk about this.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>OK, tell me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid:\u003c/strong> So, when I was 3 years old, I had like developed a obsession with wearing dresses and sometimes I wore dresses to preschool and it was like so fun because I was so fancy. Also, I like danced around in dresses with my brother a bunch like just like go crazy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>But of course, we didn’t have dresses for you. That wasn’t part of your wardrobe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>For me, yeah. Yeah, that wasn’t a part of my wardrobe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> So it was towels or it was…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Or it was yeah, or was your old dresses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>My old dresses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid:\u003c/strong> And I was like so fancy, and I pranced around the house.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>And we were trying in vain to get you to get in a beautiful Christmas suit to go to a Christmas party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>And I was like, “No! I, I don’t want to be handsome. I want to be beautiful.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Hmm-mm. Yeah, there was no coming out. It was always just was.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Always like that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I was never one of those, like manly boys, masculine boys. When I was, like, tiny, I would kind of describe myself as that one little gay boy with, like, my pink ruffles.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>How do you, how did you decide, or how is it clear to you that you’re not the little gay boy, but you’re a girl?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I think one day there’s like this bus with the mad ladies on it, just like models like looking, like glaring at the screen like they always do, and I was like ‘Oh, that looks fun, I want to do that,’ and also I’ve always had an obsession with dresses and never suits or anything like that. So I think it just like gradually happened. It was like meant to be. ‘Cause I started feeling like that at a really young age. I followed my gut.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Mm-hmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I was never ever doubtful that I wanted to be a girl. I never had doubt in that. I was always sure that this is what I was going to be when I grew up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I think we spent a lot of time kind of considering that and, and making sure it’s the right path and talking you and me and talking to therapists.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>And how are you doing now?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I am doing good. I’m doing pretty fine. I am kind of like antsy to get on, like to finally start estrogen because we put in the puberty blocker implant a while ago. I’m feeling pretty content.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Um, how has your view changed on the LGBTQ+ community because I’m your kid?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>OK. Good question.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I think I’ve learned a lot. I guess what I didn’t know was the breadth of people’s experience and how much range there is in what someone feels in terms of their own gender but also their sexuality, and how there are lots of different combinations and ways that that’s expressed, and it’s all cool and it…you can be happy anywhere on that spectrum, you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I definitely didn’t know how a transition is managed and how you know there’s a whole field of doctors and therapists and people who are there to care for us and make sure that it’s safe and healthy and that we’re happy. I’m like really happy to know that community now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I mean, I’ve like caught you reading a few books about this, And that’s nice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>What makes you happy?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I would have to say friends and mall shopping trips. Because friends, they’re my friends and they make me happy. And the reason why they’re my friends is that they make me happy. And the mall trip, it’s because I have a bit of a shopping addiction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> I know. What is it that you love to buy?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Mostly beauty products, like makeup and skincare and hair care.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Have you been coaching me a little bit on all of that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I have, I have, what product are you wearing right now on your lips?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I mean, I don’t know. I think it’s called lippy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>You’re not serious, right? You know what product it is, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Tell me. How do you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I guided you to the exact place in store. Like told you, the directions like because I know that store by heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I’m in good hands.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>OK. Tell me about your friends a little more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>My friends, most of them are from school. We have like a huge friend group. But I’m especially friends with like, I have two like really close friends, and we’re kind of like a trio and we like do everything together.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I love that for you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>We’re like a bit too close of friends because we were not allowed to sit together anymore because we talked too much to each other. You didn’t hear that, well, no, it’s just a little thing, like if we’re working together on a group project, we get to sit together, but anything else, no.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>OK, so tell me about life outside of school. What are you, what’s your greatest accomplishment and what are you most proud of?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Outside of school, I would say I’m most proud of dance, um, and that’s because I’m on my ninth year of dance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>What’s the gift that dance has given you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid:\u003c/strong> I don’t know, maybe uh, the gift that dance has given me is confidence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Do you remember what you said after the first time you did get up on stage? Do you remember your reaction?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid:\u003c/strong> I don’t remember exactly what I said, but my reaction was like, oh my god, that’s so, that’s easy, like that’s not scary at all, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> And you said, the words that you said were, “I was born to be on that stage.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Actually, yeah. Oh my god, I don’t remember that at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Do you feel like being trans makes you different from other kids at school or at dance?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I do not feel that way because none of my personal friends knows, I haven’t like opened up to them yet, so like, they just treat me like another girl at our school who just happens to be their friend, so then we just do all the normal stuff together\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Do you think anything would change if you did share with them?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I’m really not sure. Because I have a bunch of friends at school, and I’m not sure, like, how they view, like, trans people or the LGBTQ+ community, so like ‘cause we don’t really talk about that stuff, um, so I’m not sure.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>It’s hard to know without bringing it up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah. If one of your friends found out, or like, if you told one of your friends that you had a trans kid, would that affect the way they viewed you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Well, I’ve had some experience with that. I think I have told lots of friends. Their reaction has been overwhelmingly wonderful. And then it becomes a non-issue.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>That’s what happens. I’m only friends with good people. Do you feel like anything about being trans has made you feel, has made your experience different, like has made you grow up faster, made you think about things more deeply?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Uh\u003cstrong>, \u003c/strong>I do think so in some ways because you have to like, I had to like snap back into the real world sometimes to see what’s going on with like politics and stuff like that. And like sometimes there’s bad news about that. So I feel like I’ve had to mature faster than normal, to like, I guess, process that. And also you’ve told me to think to the future, like how would this transition like affect me in the future a bunch. So, yeah, I do think so.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Do you try to stay educated about what’s happening in politics?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yes, definitely.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>How does it make you feel when you hear about something that is negative about LGBTQ people in the news?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I mean, I don’t really feel offended. Like, it’s kind of weird, because I’ve like started to view myself as just another girl, like a normal, like a normal person, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Just let it roll off you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I mostly just laugh at it because it’s so ridiculous.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>That’s a good attitude\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Why are you looking at me like that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I just love you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid:\u003c/strong> OK.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> OK.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Um, what do you most proud of about your mom?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I am proud how you have completely accepted me and like adapted or like learned everything you can about me and people like me, and I think that’s just really sweet, and I’m also proud how you’ve also accepted that you are not walking out of this world without a full encyclopedia of skincare and makeup in your head.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> I knew this was going to go back to the mall. Yeah, I’ve started my journey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>You’ve started your journey. You’ve started your retinol peptide.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I’m trying to be open to that journey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yes, you are. I dunno, I’m glad I’m on this journey with you, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Aww.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Stop, no, don’t make a big deal about that. No, don’t get all mushy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>OK, I’m very happy to be your partner in this journey as well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>Yay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sasha Khokha: Several of the conversations we’ve brought you in our\u003cem> Love You for You series\u003c/em> — like the one you just heard — have been between transgender kids and their moms. Now we’re going to hear from a dad — Roberto Santiago — talking with his two gender-expansive kids. Ryu is 15 and uses they/them pronouns, and Eloui, who’s 14 and uses neopronouns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>Eloui, just for people who may not know, I don’t think everyone knows about neopronouns, so could you just talk a little bit about that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Um, so, uh, neopronoun is any pronoun outside of he, him, she, her, they, them. Any pronoun other than that is a neopronoun. So my pronouns, xe/xyr, are spelled X-E-X-Y-R.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>Ryu and Eloui talk with their dad about what they think their parents have done right on their gender journey and what they could do better. And also what it’s been like having a sibling who’s also gender-expansive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>You guys have been like so supportive of each other. Ryu got your pronouns before I did, much more consistently, and what has it been like, I mean, who’s having a similar journey, you know, how, what has that done for you in terms of like your ability to explore your gender or whatever?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Well, Ryu, my entire life has been like the person I talk to, the person who gets me. Like, I don’t know, so if it was really good to have like the person who’s always understood me more than most other people, like understand this as well. That’s been really great, and it’s nice to have someone to rely on to talk about the issues of a genderqueer child in America, because like they don’t get all of it. We don’t experience gender dysphoria the same way, but like it is, it’s still nice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>I don’t even experience gender dysphoria at all, really, and thank goodness for that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui:\u003c/strong> Lucky you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>I cannot imagine. Um, Eloui was also, you know, huge in terms of my, my initial just coming out, right? Just like having that person essentially test the waters for me, right? And see how everyone in my community and everyone in my family was so wonderful and loving and accepting. And so like, I, you know, really just got my, got to do my transition almost entirely risk-free. Thanks to Eloui.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>And I remember being very overjoyed when Ryu came out. I was like, someone who gets it, right here, who lives in my house, across the hallway, in my same room, whatever, it was great.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>And so I’m curious from you guys, like what what about gender expression, like you’re for yourself, like what has that been like, and then what do you think the world should know? Like what’s misunderstood about gender expression?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui:\u003c/strong> I really like to wear skirts and dresses, but I also hate to be perceived as female. So something that’s been hard for me, especially recently, is like I want to be pretty and girlie without being seen as female. I want, I’ve always said that if people are going to assume my gender as binary, male or female, I would rather them see me as male.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>I’ve always just worn the clothing that like feels most comfortable on my body. Which is 90% of the time just gonna be you know like, a T-shirt and some sweatpants. Uh, for me, the biggest part of gender expression in my life has always been my hair. I throughout my life have have gone through having very short and very long hair, and I currently have long hair. Um, and I, I like both because, and you know, I generally style it in a way that is perceived as androgynous because I like the way that that looks on me. And two, it’s literally just like convenient, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui:\u003c/strong> Yeah, I guess I do a lot of things, mostly that are typically perceived as female. Um, I like to bake. I like cook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>You also play rugby and hit people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Eloui: I also play rugby and hit people, and I like to get dirty, and I like to play video games so like I’m, I feel like I am kind of pretty in the middle.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>I mean, I’ll be honest, I think that just makes both of you like typical kids for me, right? Like what I take from that, from what you all are saying is, that you know, there’s a gender binary, but also we know that there’s a gender, you know, spectrum, right? And some people lean hard into the binary, whether they’re cis or transgender, right. And, and some people, you know, who are transgender will make that completely binary flip, right. Whereas there’s also all these people out there who are living their lives somewhere in between, and their gender expression is coming somewhere in between. And I think that that’s really important for people like me who are still learning to not make assumptions, right? And to just, again, it goes back to like, I’m gonna wait for you to tell me who you are and not make assumptions about people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>I’m curious. So what’s been your experience like with your classmates and your peers and maybe your teammates at rugby?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>I mean, I was expecting, you know, honestly, more of a kind of positive response. Like I wasn’t really expecting like a whole party or anything, right? But I was expecting people to at least make an effort. I told everyone that I use they/them and they continue using he/him. And I would, you, I corrected them for about, you know, three or four months, which, always ‘sorry’ and then nothing would change. Uh, and I just, I kind of got tired of it and I just, you know, was, was a boy at rugby essentially for another couple of years before I quit. And I think that’s part of the reason why I quit was just like, nothing malicious was happening, but nobody was making an effort.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>I went back to rugby in January, and I am playing on a girls’ team. And like, there has been some weirdness because I didn’t actually like, I told, I didn’t make a big announcement when I joined the team. I kinda told people one by one, starting with the people that I thought would be chill with it. And then I kinda accidentally told like all of the like low-key, kinda mean girls on the team that I was trans. And ever since then, you know, I could feel them like kinda giving me weird looks and being weird and like trying to be extra nice. And I get that a lot with like people trying to be nice. And I know a lot of the time it comes from a place of sincerity. And they’re not always trying to be mean?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>It just feels patronizing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I am a person like you and I am just here to play rugby and now I will tackle you, please stop being patronizing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>So Eloui, at a certain point, a couple years ago, you had been playing rugby, and then you stopped for a couple of years, and you still sort of held on to being a rugby player as part of your identity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>It’s a really important part of me, it’s something that I take a lot of pride in, it makes me feel tough, and I wannabe tough, you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>But then this year you went back, and I think one of the big differences that people probably don’t know about youth rugby or maybe youth sports in general is that when you play up until about middle school, the teams are co-ed, right? So you played on a co-ed team when you were little. Then you stopped. Did you stop because it was becoming gendered? What was it like going back to a gendered team?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>There were two big reasons I stopped, and the first one was I quit rugby the same day I found out Ryu quit rugby, because Ryu was such an important part of my rugby experience, I didn’t want to do rugby without them, but yeah, the other thing was definitely, I am so scared of having to play on a gendered team.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>And then you did for a season?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>And honestly, most of it was actually a really good experience for me. All the girls that I immediately made friends with were like super sweet about it and so understanding. And like my favorite coach got it immediately and the other kids, it took a minute, but they’re getting there. Um there’s a part of me that is femme and is a girl and helped me connect to that in a way that’s not associated with femininity because it’s a tough, tackle you into the mud sport. So it was a really like almost healing experience for all the parts of me. It was also hard because people would say, OK, for the photo, everyone say, ‘girls rugby.’ Or like, ‘OK, girls’ like to go to do this, and I tried to correct them every time, but like they didn’t always listen to me. And that was a struggle because like, you have to find the middle ground between sticking up for yourself and just accepting that like, I signed up to be on a girl’s team and I’m just gonna have to let it go sometimes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>But also, we could provide maybe a list of like group pronouns that are not gendered, right? Hey y’all, hey folks, hey team, hey players, hey, you know, that can help counteract that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>But I am curious, like, you know, me and mom tried to really approach this like in the best way that we’ve thought that we could, right? And we’re pretty open-minded. There have to have been missteps along the way. Like, what did we do right, what do we do wrong? What would you tell parents or kids or whatever in the world about your experience being parented?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Well, less so these days, but like when I was younger, one thing that you, and especially mom, would do a lot of the time, is you kind of fight my battles for me in some ways? And I really appreciate it, and I really did appreciate it. But like someone would misgender me, and I would start to correct them. And like one of you, mom or you, would often, I don’t even think without realizing it, just kind of jump in and correct them for me. And I appreciate that a lot. And I know it’s like parent protectiveness, but one thing I would say is let the kid figure it out for themself. And if they don’t say anything, to make sure that the kid knows that you’re supporting them, correct the person. But like give, I liked it when you gave me a minute to stand up for myself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>Yeah, and I think something that I started to do with both of you is going into a situation or like if we had like a little moment as an aside, being able to just ask you, like, do, do you wanna say anything? Do you want me to say anything, or do you just wanna let it go? And letting you guys lead from that perspective. Once I learned how to do that, I think that was helpful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Yeah, that was a big upgrade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>But the main thing that you got right, and the most important thing, is to just say yes to your kid and listen to what they’re asking of you, right? Like, at the end of the day, if they want to change their name or change their pronouns, the very least you can do is just respect that because it costs nothing to be kind to them and to validate them. And the alternative can be some really scary stuff that your kid has to go through, right? They can feel unloved, they can feel like nobody wants them, right, because if your parents, the people that society and your instincts and everything tells you should be the people that love and care for you the most. And you have this huge facet of your being that you feel and they just won’t accept that. And in some cases, they won’t even accept any of you just because of that part of you. Um, that can feel awful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I’m wondering, like, do you have any misgivings? Do you feel like there’s anything that like you could have really done better, because I know for me personally, I feel like my trans experience in relation to you two at least has has been wonderful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>Oh, thanks. Yeah. I mean, I think some of my missteps came even before either of you came out. So like Ryu, I think about that time, you know, you wanted to wear your hair in a ponytail and a scrunchie to day care. And I was like, “That’s fine. You can do that, but you have to understand some kids aren’t going to get it and they might tease you.” And you, the look on your face, when I said that, like, I thought I was trying to be supportive, right? Because I wasn’t saying don’t do it. I was just wanting to prepare you for the fact that other people might not be as accepting. And even that kind of crushed you a little bit. And I felt so bad, because I was getting out of the car to go to school, and I was like, I didn’t have a chance to fix it. I learned so much from that. I think a lot of the things that I regret or that I feel bad about are things that you, you all never saw. You know, like conversations I may have had early on with people that you weren’t privy to, but that’s where I was probably expressing my, my doubts and my misgivings and my fears and, you know, just how new it was. And I think that that’s something that it’s important for parents to know, and I think I’ve said this, but it’s OK to not be there yet. Right? Like, don’t show your kid that. Right. But if you internally feel like, “Oh, no, like, I don’t know about this, like I dunno how I feel about this,” as long as you’re kind of working through that yourself and not putting that on your kid, I work through it. Right. And the goal I hope is to get to a place of acceptance, but, you know, don’t totally beat yourself up either if you’re like, ‘I’m freaking out.’\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>I think what you did right is like all the things. Everything\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago:\u003c/strong> Right on. Thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>Yeah, so, you know, you’ve been living this life for a little while, and there’s a lot going on in the world right now. What are you hopeful for for the future for trans kids?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>All the trans people I know have one vision, and it is just a society where being trans isn’t this whole like thing, right? Where I can just say, “Hey, I’m trans.” And everyone’s like, “OK, cool.” And trans people can get access to their gender-affirming care the same way cis people can get access to their gender-affirming care. I would just like to see trans people become more integrated, accepted, normalized members of society instead of sort of being ostracized and feeling othered and having to create our own safe spaces. I think the world should just be a safe space.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>Right. You want to be mundane. You don’t want to be a topic of conversation anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Like I want to be a person. I wanna be all kinds of things, and also trans. I don’t wanna be trans and all kinds of things because I feel like how a lot of people see me. I’m just me, I’m like you. You know, I’m not an exhibit, I am not an alien. I’m, I’m just a person. I want to be seen as that. Like, “Oh, I’m Eloui and I like purple. Oh, I am Eloui, also I’m trans.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago: \u003c/strong>This has been really great, and I’m looking forward to seeing what the next bit of time brings us.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui: \u003c/strong>Thanks for supporting us.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ryu: \u003c/strong>I’m glad that there are spaces for like stories like this to be told.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Roberto Santiago:\u003c/strong> Love you, bud.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eloui\u003c/strong>: Love you, Dad.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>Roberto Santiago and his two kids, 14-year-old Eloui and 15-year-old Ryu, as part of our series \u003cem>Love You For You, \u003c/em>where transgender kids talk about what it means to thrive with support from the adults in their lives.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The interviews in our \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> series were produced by me, Sasha Khokha, Tessa Paoli and Suzie Racho with help from Gabriela Glueck. Our senior editor is Victoria Mauleon. Our engineer is Brendan Willard. Srishti Prabha is our intern.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Special thanks to Tuck Woodstock, host of the\u003ca href=\"https://www.genderpodcast.com/\"> Gender Reveal podcast\u003c/a> for all his help on the series. And to KQED’s Jen Chien, Katie Sprenger, Ana de Almeida Amaral and Anna Vignet. You can find all the interviews in our \u003cem>Love You for You \u003c/em>series on our podcast. The California Report Magazine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Next week on the show, we’ll meet some transgender elders who’ve got some words of wisdom for a younger generation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Quetzali: \u003c/strong>Do you have any advice for trans and gender expansive people of my generation about resilience?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Donna Persona: \u003c/strong>I’m thriving. I am loved. I get to do the mightiest things in life. And I would say to my younger transgender community, don’t identify as a victim, identify as a warrior, a fighter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>That’s next week on the California Report Magazine. Your state, your stories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cp>A new program targeting youth violence prevention is coming to the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/tenderloin\">Tenderloin\u003c/a>, San Francisco city officials announced on Wednesday.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Tenderloin Youth Violence Prevention Pilot Program, developed in partnership with local organization \u003ca href=\"https://unitedplayaz.org/about-us/\">United Playaz\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://tlcbd.org/\">Tenderloin Community Benefit District\u003c/a>, will launch early next year, according to the district’s Supervisor Bilal Mahmood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The program will employ community staff members with \u003ca href=\"https://sanfrancisco.granicus.com/player/clip/51126?view_id=192&redirect=true\">ties to the Tenderloin\u003c/a> to provide mentorship, violence intervention and programming for up to 20 young people ages 12 to 24. It follows a string of Tenderloin initiatives focused on protecting children and teens from \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11997174/sfs-top-district-5-candidates-outline-bold-plans-to-tackle-drug-crisis-in-tenderloin\">drug trade and violent crime\u003c/a> in the district.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mahmood told KQED that he felt compelled to pursue the program after attending several funerals for born-and-raised Tenderloin locals. He said one of those young people died due to an overdose, and another from gun violence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was a difficult time,” Mahmood recalled. He said that “kids who look like me — that could have had a better opportunity — were failed.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite the Tenderloin having the highest concentration of children in San Francisco, according to a \u003ca href=\"https://sfplanning.org/sites/default/files/documents/citywide/tenderloin-community-action-plan/tcap-youth-gap-analysis-report.pdf\">2024 report\u003c/a> by the city’s planning department, Mahmood said the district did not have a city-funded violence prevention program until now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12056781\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12056781\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250918-TLICECREAM-03-BL-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250918-TLICECREAM-03-BL-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250918-TLICECREAM-03-BL-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250918-TLICECREAM-03-BL-KQED-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Supervisor Bilal Mahmood gives away ice cream at the inaugural children’s ice cream social in the Tenderloin in San Francisco on Sept. 18, 2025. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The city report states that in 2023, 18% of San Francisco’s more than 800 accidental overdose deaths occurred in the Tenderloin. It also noted that nearly half of the city’s drug-offense incident reports that year were filed in the district.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco Mayor Daniel Lurie, who joined Mahmood to announce the launch, acknowledged this gap during a Wednesday press conference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“While the city supports several organizations that focus on violence prevention, there has never been a dedicated community-based program centered right here in the Tenderloin,” Lurie said. “That changes today.”[aside postID=news_12054193 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/06/250620-TENDERLOIN-INSTANT-CAMERAS-50-KQED.jpg']Tenderloin Community Benefit District Executive Director Kate Robinson said children are exposed daily to an “open 24/7 drug market on the streets.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We have failed to protect all of the children in this neighborhood from seeing the opportunity there, because we haven’t provided them with other opportunities in its place,” Robinson said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since August 2023, at least 57 teens have been arrested in San Francisco for drug dealing — many from the Tenderloin — Mahmood said at the press conference. He added that two men were \u003ca href=\"https://www.sfchronicle.com/crime/article/sf-arrest-drugs-tenderloin-child-20111262.php\">charged earlier this year\u003c/a> with using a minor to distribute narcotics in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That tells us young people are being targeted, young people being recruited into the drug trade,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Private donations totaling $200,000 will fund the pilot for up to a year, according to Mahmood, who hopes it becomes a “permanent component of the city budget.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a neighborhood without places like \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12056592/neighbors-host-ice-cream-social-for-kids-in-sfs-tenderloin-where-there-is-no-ice-cream-shop\">an ice cream shop\u003c/a>, the pilot program also aims to create more spaces for young people to hang out safely.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11866841\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-11866841\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut.jpg 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Members of the United Playaz speak during a student-led rally to show solidarity with Asian Americans at the Embarcadero Plaza in San Francisco on March 26, 2021. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“We have to fundamentally change the environment,” Mahmood said. “But we also have to fundamentally provide the opportunities for these kids to see that there is a path to better lives.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Tenderloin Community Benefit District and United Playaz, which Mahmood described as “natural” partners in the pilot, will support the initiative by conducting youth outreach and helping with the violence prevention programming.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>United Playaz’s Executive Director, Rudy Corpuz, said there are Tenderloin residents who have worked toward this effort for years, calling them “our frontline soldiers that’s willing to put their life on the line for the kids and the people here.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They are the most equipped to help their neighborhood, Corpuz said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The Tenderloin people — who’s been going through all this, walking through this madness — they are the fix to the violence that’s going on here,” he added.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>A new program targeting youth violence prevention is coming to the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/tenderloin\">Tenderloin\u003c/a>, San Francisco city officials announced on Wednesday.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Tenderloin Youth Violence Prevention Pilot Program, developed in partnership with local organization \u003ca href=\"https://unitedplayaz.org/about-us/\">United Playaz\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://tlcbd.org/\">Tenderloin Community Benefit District\u003c/a>, will launch early next year, according to the district’s Supervisor Bilal Mahmood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The program will employ community staff members with \u003ca href=\"https://sanfrancisco.granicus.com/player/clip/51126?view_id=192&redirect=true\">ties to the Tenderloin\u003c/a> to provide mentorship, violence intervention and programming for up to 20 young people ages 12 to 24. It follows a string of Tenderloin initiatives focused on protecting children and teens from \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11997174/sfs-top-district-5-candidates-outline-bold-plans-to-tackle-drug-crisis-in-tenderloin\">drug trade and violent crime\u003c/a> in the district.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mahmood told KQED that he felt compelled to pursue the program after attending several funerals for born-and-raised Tenderloin locals. He said one of those young people died due to an overdose, and another from gun violence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was a difficult time,” Mahmood recalled. He said that “kids who look like me — that could have had a better opportunity — were failed.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite the Tenderloin having the highest concentration of children in San Francisco, according to a \u003ca href=\"https://sfplanning.org/sites/default/files/documents/citywide/tenderloin-community-action-plan/tcap-youth-gap-analysis-report.pdf\">2024 report\u003c/a> by the city’s planning department, Mahmood said the district did not have a city-funded violence prevention program until now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12056781\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12056781\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250918-TLICECREAM-03-BL-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250918-TLICECREAM-03-BL-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250918-TLICECREAM-03-BL-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250918-TLICECREAM-03-BL-KQED-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Supervisor Bilal Mahmood gives away ice cream at the inaugural children’s ice cream social in the Tenderloin in San Francisco on Sept. 18, 2025. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The city report states that in 2023, 18% of San Francisco’s more than 800 accidental overdose deaths occurred in the Tenderloin. It also noted that nearly half of the city’s drug-offense incident reports that year were filed in the district.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco Mayor Daniel Lurie, who joined Mahmood to announce the launch, acknowledged this gap during a Wednesday press conference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“While the city supports several organizations that focus on violence prevention, there has never been a dedicated community-based program centered right here in the Tenderloin,” Lurie said. “That changes today.”\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>Tenderloin Community Benefit District Executive Director Kate Robinson said children are exposed daily to an “open 24/7 drug market on the streets.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We have failed to protect all of the children in this neighborhood from seeing the opportunity there, because we haven’t provided them with other opportunities in its place,” Robinson said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Since August 2023, at least 57 teens have been arrested in San Francisco for drug dealing — many from the Tenderloin — Mahmood said at the press conference. He added that two men were \u003ca href=\"https://www.sfchronicle.com/crime/article/sf-arrest-drugs-tenderloin-child-20111262.php\">charged earlier this year\u003c/a> with using a minor to distribute narcotics in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That tells us young people are being targeted, young people being recruited into the drug trade,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Private donations totaling $200,000 will fund the pilot for up to a year, according to Mahmood, who hopes it becomes a “permanent component of the city budget.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a neighborhood without places like \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12056592/neighbors-host-ice-cream-social-for-kids-in-sfs-tenderloin-where-there-is-no-ice-cream-shop\">an ice cream shop\u003c/a>, the pilot program also aims to create more spaces for young people to hang out safely.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11866841\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-11866841\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut.jpg 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/03/RS48167_048_SanFrancisco_RiseUpRally_03262021-qut-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Members of the United Playaz speak during a student-led rally to show solidarity with Asian Americans at the Embarcadero Plaza in San Francisco on March 26, 2021. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“We have to fundamentally change the environment,” Mahmood said. “But we also have to fundamentally provide the opportunities for these kids to see that there is a path to better lives.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Tenderloin Community Benefit District and United Playaz, which Mahmood described as “natural” partners in the pilot, will support the initiative by conducting youth outreach and helping with the violence prevention programming.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>United Playaz’s Executive Director, Rudy Corpuz, said there are Tenderloin residents who have worked toward this effort for years, calling them “our frontline soldiers that’s willing to put their life on the line for the kids and the people here.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They are the most equipped to help their neighborhood, Corpuz said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The Tenderloin people — who’s been going through all this, walking through this madness — they are the fix to the violence that’s going on here,” he added.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"slug": "love-you-for-you-trans-kids-talk-to-their-grandparents",
"title": "'Love You for You:' Trans Kids Talk to Their Grandparents",
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"headTitle": "‘Love You for You:’ Trans Kids Talk to Their Grandparents | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"#episode-transcript\">\u003ci>View the full episode transcript.\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Our \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2025/11/03/introducing-love-you-for-you-conversations-between-trans-kids-and-their-loved-ones/\">Love You for You\u003c/a>\u003c/em> series features conversations between trans and nonbinary youth from across California and the people in their lives who love and mentor them: parents, grandparents, siblings and others.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week, we’ll hear how grandparents’ hearts can be moved by having a transgender grandchild, and how that can expand the worldview of someone who may not be connected to the LGBTQ+ community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We’ll hear from a 10-year-old transgender girl in conversation with her older sister and their grandfather. He lives in a rural California county, where many of his neighbors and hunting buddies don’t have much exposure to the transgender community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We’ll also meet a 14-year-old nonbinary kid whose grandmother lives in India, where she’s become a fierce advocate for transgender and nonbinary youth. She’s taken on the challenge of explaining her grandchild’s gender to her relatives, some of whom are 90 or older.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm?e=KQINC3553005698\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 id=\"episode-transcript\">Episode Transcript\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Love You for You Episode 2: A Grandparent’s Love\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>I’m Sasha Khokha, and this is The California Report Magazine. We’re continuing our series this week about transgender and gender-expansive kids across California and the people in their lives who love, support and mentor them so they can thrive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12063357\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003ca href=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3.png\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12063357\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3.png 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3-160x90.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3-1536x864.png 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3-1200x675.png 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">An illustration of a 10-year-old transgender girl in a photo booth with her older sister and their grandfather. Many families in this series have chosen to remain anonymous and not use their names or show their faces out of fear that they could face harm in this current climate. \u003ccite>(Anna Vignet/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Montage of voices\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Being trans, of course, it’s a big deal, but I wish it didn’t feel like such a big deal. I wish I just felt like, you now, another fun thing about me instead of my whole identity? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What do you want people who are targeting trans kids right now to know about your grandkid? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Just about how special she is. That you gotta know the person. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Thanks for letting me be who I am. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>And thank you for letting me be your parent and for letting me love you. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What are you hopeful for the future will look like for trans kids?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>All the trans people I know have one vision, and it is just a society where being trans isn’t this whole like thing, right? Where I can just say, ‘Hey, I’m trans,’ and everyone’s like, ‘OK, cool.’\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>We’re calling the series \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em>, and this week we’re going to hear two conversations between kids and their grandparents.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>I’m 16. I’m a sophomore in high school. Uh, my pronouns are she, her, and this is my sister.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Hi, I’m 10. In two days, I’m about to be 11. Um, my pronouns are she, her, and this is my Grandpa.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa:\u003c/strong> Um. I’m old, I’m their Grandparent, and I’m very proud of being their Grandparent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>This family — an older sister, a younger sister who is trans, and their grandfather — sat down to talk together to talk about their relationship. And just a note, this family, like many in this series, has chosen to stay anonymous and not use their names out of fear that they could face harm in this current climate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister:\u003c/strong> When you first came out, what was that experience like for you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>I think I was like nine or eight, and it was like during the summertime, like it was right, it was kind of like in the beginning of the summer. I kind of just realized, like, yeah, that’s who I am. I’m trans, like I’m not a boy. I’m a girl. And I remember I texted my mom, “Hey, you know how I’m a boy, I think I’m actually a girl.” And she called me and she was like, “What do you mean?” And I was just like, “I’m a girl.” It was like, kind of scary because I didn’t know what anyone would think. It was kinda like awkward because like when my grandma, like I go to my grandma’s house every Friday and she used to hug me and say “Oh my little boy,” and I would look to my mom like in like disgust and like it was like kinda like weird and it was still like when I was like figuring out who I was and stuff.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Papa, how did it feel when my sister came out to you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>We always knew, so it was not a big surprise. When you were just three years old, we were putting on your dress. I think it was your…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Which one?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>When you’re going through, I think, the Dorothy years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Oh, \u003cem>Wizard of Oz\u003c/em> phase?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>I was helping you with your dress, and we were having a hard time. And I said, it’d be a lot easier if you just dressed up like a boy, and you just turned to me at the age of three and said, “I wish I was a girl.” And from then on, we knew. I knew. There’s no doubt about it. And that was it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah. Like, I feel like a lot of people don’t understand how little of a change it really was.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>It was not a…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister\u003c/strong>: Yeah, and like I’m sure it was a bigger change for you, obviously.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister\u003c/strong>: Yes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister\u003c/strong>: But like for us, it was like nothing, it was like nothing had changed. Same old you. You know? I was proud of you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister:\u003c/strong> Thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister:\u003c/strong> You’re welcome. So do you feel that you’ve never really identified with, like, male?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>No, I feel like I never did that, I always wore wigs, I’ve always loved doing makeup and stuff. I remember one day where I was like, I’m just going to do like a classic glam. Two minutes later, I had polka dots on my face looking like I was Minnie Mouse’s dress because I thought it was so funny and that I looked amazing and yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister:\u003c/strong> Uh, do you wish you would have transitioned sooner?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yes, everyone kind of like already knew, like I said, I loved costumes, I love dressing up, but not like when I was like a baby. Not when I, yep. But I feel maybe like, I feel like a good age I wanted to was probably like seven.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah. What’s something that you do that makes you feel most like yourself?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger Sister: \u003c/strong>I love expressing myself in different ways that aren’t talking. Like I love dance, I do ballet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger Sister:\u003c/strong> And I think it’s such a fun way to express myself because you can like jump up in the air and like you can show your expressions, like when you’re doing ballet, you can like spin and doing a jump, that you’re sad or you’re happy. Like I love expressing myself in dance and in music and stuff like that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, you are definitely one of the most creative people I know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older Sister: \u003c/strong>How does it feel when somebody uses your old name?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Um on like on purpose, like to be mean, I feel like like it annoys me, but also like I don’t get it because if you are trying to do this on purpose, it just fades through to, it’s like you should just stop. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, it’s just annoying, and if you do this, I’m calling you out right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>You just don’t let it affect you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I don’t.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Are there any other trans kids at your school?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Uh. I don’t think so, I don’t know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>What would you say if a new kid came to school and was trans? What would you say to make the school easier?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Um, stay away from certain people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa:\u003c/strong> OK.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Would you like give them any advice on how to stand up to bullies, or, like …\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Oh yeah, don’t let it fade to you. They are just doing that because they are insecure about yourself. They just want to tear you down, even though you’re a confident, amazing person and they’re not. So just walk away and say, “I’m better than you,” and sing your way out. That’s what I do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>OK.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yes, like this has been going on for a long time. You guys are so unoriginal. Be like, stop.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>It must be exhausting being so strong all the time, and like standing up and not letting it bother you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Um, not really.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>It’s just your norm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Do you guys think that, like, younger kids are better at learning new pronouns and new names than older people are? Because the older people have been calling you by your old name for so long.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>I think the older people have a hard time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I would agree.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Isn’t that right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, also because, like I said, our whole family is very supportive, so once they found out, I feel like I heard that some of them bought their kids gender books. I’m very glad that there’s authors and stuff and people that, oh, let’s write about this stuff, so the younger kids and younger generations can know about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, just like teaching younger kids, just educating them more about everything that goes into it. I definitely think that younger kids have an easier time with like switching names and pronouns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Does it hurt your feelings when Papa accidentally calls you by your old name?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>No, because I’m not that surprised at it, like yeah. Well, not in like a mean way. I’m just like, like I’ve been used to like everyone calling me it like for so long on accident, that I’m just like, yeah, OK, like, it’s fine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>It’s to be expected.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, like there’s like it’s kind of like they’re forgetting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Papa, have you like told any of your friends or people around you, like people that don’t include our close family, about my sister being trans?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Yes, yes, all my close friends. They all know. I have not told my neighbors. But my friends that I go hunting with and fishing with, they were all Trump supporters, but I told them, and they’ve never said, I don’t know really how they feel about it, but they’ve said anything bad about it, or you know, saying that’s a terrible thing or…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister:\u003c/strong> Yeah. Do you think that like people around you would have a reaction?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Some, yes, I do, yes. A lot of them would not understand at all. So they’re, what you don’t know they’re afraid of, kind of.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah. For people that you don’t think would be supportive or people that would have a negative reaction, what would you want to tell them to try and change their mind or redirect their thinking?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>It’s hard to tell someone to change their mind without knowing somebody or, you know, I just can’t say she’s a beautiful person; she does, she has a great heart. Um, I don’t think that’d change their mind. I think over time, if they actually met somebody and were closer to them, that’s how I think that they’d lose their opinion.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, you think that they would need to have personal experience with someone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Personal experience, exactly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>What do you want people who are targeting trans kids right now to know about your grandkid?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Just about how special she is. That you gotta know the person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, that’s a good answer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister:\u003c/strong> Yeah!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Like, I don’t, it just doesn’t make sense, people who just are homophobic for no good reason. Like, for things that don’t affect them, people that they don’t know. Doesn’t make sense to me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, like cyberbullying, like when people cyberbully people like you don’t know this person personally, but like, why do you want to be mean to them for no reason? Like you actually like the person, like if you’re taking time every day to, be rude like…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah. Like, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister:\u003c/strong> Yes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>What do you want the future to look like for trans kids?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Uh, I hope that in the future everyone’s really supportive of them and that homophobia kind of disappears. It’s probably not, but like…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>That would be wonderful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Honestly, like, there’s nothing we can really do about people having their own opinions, but like, I feel like sometimes we can just keep our opinions to ourselves, you know, just like, shush.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\n\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>What are you most excited about for your future?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister \u003c/strong>Well, there’s two things, one, becoming an actor, like, I really want to be a child actor if there’s any agents listening. Hello, I’m here! Hi. But another thing is I would love to, like this, I love how I get to like share knowledge to other people that might not know about being trans or stuff. So I love to…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older Sister:\u003c/strong> To educate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, to educate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Good answer. Papa, what do you hope that the future is like for trans kids, and what do you plan on doing to support trans kids?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Oh, I support this one all the time. Uh, I’d do anything for her, and she knows that. I just, I don’t want the hurt that people give to trans people for there’s no reason. That’s uh, that’s what really gets me and your grandma the most. We just hate to see you hurt.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Well, I got a question for you. Have you ever talked so much to your sister before? Actually sat and chatted with your sister?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>I don’t think that a conversation like this has ever really come up. I regret not asking you more about being trans, but I’m glad that we have this opportunity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, like we never really have time, like you have a bunch of school and homework, and I have like Monday I have singing, Tuesday I have ballet…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>You have lots of commitments.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger Sister: \u003c/strong>Yes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>I think that this has been very, very helpful, educational for me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger Sister: \u003c/strong>Mm-hmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister \u003c/strong>And I think that having this conversation and just learning more about you and like who you are as a person will help me to better explain it to other people, you know, like to my friends and the rest of my family.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\nYounger sister: \u003c/strong>And I hope for all the other trans kids and other trans people that this is very educational for them. Really, people that are not, like people that still trying to figure out who they are. I hope this helps people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>I’m excited to see what you do in the future. I know that you’ll achieve your dreams of being an actress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>I can’t tell you how proud I am of you two doing this. This is amazing to me. I could never ever do this at your age, especially.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa:\u003c/strong> And you guys are doing a great job. Just very special, both of you guys are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>In our next conversation, we’re gonna hear a kid talking with their mom and their grandmother.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>It’s important in these times, you know, with all the misconceptions that are there, that we make our voice be heard.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>They discuss what it’s meant to have their family’s support across generations. And by the way, we’re just using this kid’s first name to protect their privacy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan \u003c/strong>Hi, my name is Rohan, I’m 14 years old, non-binary, and my pronouns are they, them. I’m here with my mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ma\u003c/strong>: Hi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan\u003c/strong>: And my grandma, who I call Ba.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba\u003c/strong>: Hello.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan:\u003c/strong> She’s visiting from India.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>It’s not really our family culture to speak very publicly about you being trans, and in general, we’re very open about it, actually, in our community and our family. And so it’s not something secret at all, but we’re not used to talking about it publicly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>There’s not really a moment I can think of when I like found out I was trans or something, I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit into either of the main gender categories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Yeah, and as your mom, I can say that. You’ve always been you. Even when you were one years old, two years old, three years old, you know, really very young.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>When they actually came out with it, I was very glad because I just never liked the fact of anyone having to hide something because I feel that it affects their personality, and all, whereas Rohan came out with it, we all were happy to share it with friends, you know, and that’s been good. And if I can go further, actually, for me, what has been very important is to see the child thrive. And I’ve seen Rohan thriving. I mean, I’ve seen them playing football, doing those miniature paintings, being good at school, and just more than anything else, being a very sensitive, loving child. And that for me has been most important.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>There were a few things in your childhood that were very distinctive, like you never wore conventional like the short swimsuit, you know, you always wanted to wear the top as well, otherwise you would refuse to, even when you were very small, two, three years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>You know, for me, there’s just that one memory where we were at the dining table and a friend was visiting and Rohan whispered to you to say that share, and I said it is such a good moment for me that you know not only was there a coming out but there was such a confidence about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Oh my gosh, I had forgotten that moment. That was a really precious moment. You were such a little one. And when you were excited, I also remember when we were discussing with the counselor, you know, she was advising that you could come out. Actually, we didn’t know about non-binary and they/them pronouns. So when we were talking about your gender fluidity and she asked you what’s your coming out plan. You were a little kid, Rohan of seven, eight years old. And she asked, “Who would you like to come out to?” And you said, “Everybody.” And I remember that was really one of my favorite moments.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>I feel like one of the things was it really like, somehow I feel like I was opened up to an even bigger community, like, and that was really special, I think, like of all the different, you know, like LGBTQ kids and…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>So yeah, that’s one of the unexpected boons, isn’t it, Rohan, finding that community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah, there’s so many nice moments like going to Pride and going to like groups where there’s like so many other like trans and non-binary or anyone who’s LGBTQ kids, and I just feel like I can connect with people so well there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Yeah, do you want to talk about some of the challenges on the other side, the challenges of being trans in this world?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>For me, one of the biggest things is bathroom dysphoria, like especially being non-binary, I never know, I don’t want to go in either of the like male or female bathrooms and like especially in like big public spaces. Even if it’s like in a like area that’s very supportive, I feel really uncomfortable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom\u003c/strong>: If there’s a non-binary, if there’s an all-gender bathroom available, does that make it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah, definitely.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>That addresses it, huh? So that’s the solution.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Any other challenges you’ve experienced or difficulties?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>So, also, another thing is immigration when we’re going to see my grandparents in India, sometimes it’s tough explaining to the immigration agent like what non-binary is and sometimes like the, they’re like trying to talk to me in Hindi or like, and that’s sometimes a language barrier and like what it says on the passport may not match how they perceive me. I feel like worried. If we get into the country or not is based on their decisions. So it’s always a very stressful time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I think my mom and I have talked about this, that as parents, as grandparents, we just want to protect our child and protect their right to be a child and dealing with these types of things with how to use the bathroom and navigating immigration. These are things which I know I, as a child, never had to think about. The adults in the world took care of it and made it easy and safe for me. I think that’s the toughest as an adult to not be able to control that I can make a world that children can be carefree and safe in.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba:\u003c/strong> This is such an important part of caring for our own children and, by extension, our grandchildren, and what it would mean not just for our grandchildren but for communities at large to see. We all feel it, and we all are together in it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> The safety of children is a community sport. It’s a team sport. Putting flags, rainbow flags and trans flags everywhere. Whenever I see a rainbow flag anywhere, I feel that it’s a signal that I am safe to be myself there. I know it makes difference to me as the parent of a trans child. I’ll be biking through the neighborhood, and in a way, it’s such a small cosmetic thing, putting a flag up outside your house, but it makes big difference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I really feel like that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Do you feel that too?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Buy some flags.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>I think we are able to have conversations and just feel more open, more close to each other as family. And then I realized that it opened up another horizon for me. Like one day, I walked into an LGBTQ meeting in Bombay. I’d never done that before. And there were only two of us who were not in that category. Maybe we all are a bit in that category, but strikingly so. So it was a universe which I entered in because of you. And then one time, during a literary festival, I went to listen to transgender poetry. And I had not been aware of that whole scene in Bombay, and so my college, where I had studied, has an LGBTQ club. And I’ve got connected to that. And I’m looking forward to an opportunity to talk to grandparents through that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan:\u003c/strong> I mean, Ba, you saw this firsthand, but like, where the family in India, especially like the family that was like 90 or more years older, like still really tries and understands.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom\u003c/strong>: The way that she explained, the way you explained, mama and helped people understand how Rohan is, you know what it’s like because for many of them they had no exposure whatsoever to, maybe not even to LGBTQ, for some of our really elderly, forget trans. Just to have you know my 80 plus, 90 plus relative unanimously, not had one relative who when we go back home Rohan can’t be themselves with that even and so by extension I can’t be myself with. And that, even though it’s around this topic of being trans, I think in a way made me feel more safe about being myself, myself, in general. Because I realize that people are more capable than I might have guessed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>India has been such like a happy memory in general for me, like, and I’m always excited to go now because it’s like there’s so much support and love there in that family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>And I just want to give the context that the family that my husband comes from is really a Marwadi, conservative family, and my own family, maybe a little forward, but otherwise a bit right-wing, you get the picture. And yet, before Rohan came to India, last time especially, because now they had grown up, I wanted them all to know before they met them, you know, so that there would really be no quizzical looks or anything, there’d just be a joyful feeling of a grandchild visiting. We’ve got a large family, so I would tell one person from the family to inform everybody else. If one talks in a certain way, then awareness does increase and something does shift.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Yeah, Ba, thanks for sharing that. Can you reflect on whether there was something about the way that you introduced people to the topic that got the reaction that you got?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>I realized that there’s no sense in being forceful or angry, you know. I just, it’s important to reach, not to confront anyone. People always love it when somebody wants to share something. I didn’t say, I want to tell you, or I want you to know. Get into a conversation in some form, like encourage them to ask if a question popped up in their mind. I remember that there was an 83-year-old woman who was like you know, I’ve never heard of this do you mind if I ask more questions? I said no, I want you to ask more questions, and if you can talk to others about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>You know, Ba, you’re a real leader, you are held in high respect in our family. And I think also you drew on that in the sense on the trust and respect people have for you. So you were sharing very much about how you feel. They could feel your comfort with it, your not just comfort, but joy about who Rohan is, your pride in Rohan, and then I think that people follow suit a little bit with someone they respect and trust.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>One thing was my own intrinsic love for Rohan. That’s the first, but also, I think my own experience as having grown up in India at a time when there was so much gender discrimination and bias against women. So I somehow know in my bones how it feels, you know, so that the combined effect of that, think, gave me a certain energy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in and out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Rohan, you also have family in Wyoming from your dad’s side. And so how has that story played out?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I mean, I feel like it’s kind of like a bit of an unfinished story. Like we haven’t yet told them, but like in Wyoming, like that community, it is a bit of a conservative community. But I mean I’m still hopeful that maybe, you know, it could be the same situation as what happened in India. Like, we kind of expected the worst, but then it was so amazing to see all these like, people understanding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Yeah. And so though it’s unfinished, do you feel sad about that? Or kind of a sense of anything negative, dread or uncertainty or?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan\u003c/strong>: Not really. I feel like I’m kind of hopeful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Rohan, have you ever imagined or thought about not being trans or wished you were cisgender?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Um, I feel like sometimes, yeah, maybe I think about what it might have been like if I wasn’t trans, but it’s never like a, like it’s almost like thinking about what would it be like for a different person who’s not trans. It’s not like, what if I was not trans? I mean, it’s who I am, I’d be a different person if I wasn’t trans. Like it’s almost like saying like, oh, what if I had chosen to be a different height? Or what if I had chosen for my skin color to be different? Like, it’s kind of who you are, and I’m happy to be who I am.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>I very, very strongly feel that everyone has a right to be what they are. I think change happens. It happens slowly, but it does happen. So we keep our faith alive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Great. And now the most important question, which family member has supported you best? Who gets the award?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan\u003c/strong>: Everyone!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Rohan, I know that you were very hesitant to do this, so thanks for doing it. Thanks for taking a chance on it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>I mean, I feel like in the end, all the stress when we did this fully went away.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>I have to say that I felt teary in between. Just we’ve talked about these things, it’s not new, but talking like this, I think I feel very heartened.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Yeah, that’s how I feel. My heart feels very full.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>I’m really happy we did this. You know, I feel like we’re giving a message out to people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>Next week in the \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> series, we’ll hear a dad talking with his two gender-expansive teenagers. Both rugby players who’ve faced different kinds of challenges on the field.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I am a person like you, and I am just here to play rugby and now I will tackle you, please stop being patronizing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>That’s next week on \u003cem>The California Report Magazine\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The interviews in our \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> series were produced by me, Sasha Khokha, Tessa Paoli, Srishti Prabha and Suzie Racho with help this week from Gabriela Glueck. Our senior editor is Victoria Mauleon. Our engineer is Brendan Willard, with additional mixing from Katherine Monahan. Srishti Prabha is our intern. Special thanks to Tuck Woodstock, host of the \u003ca href=\"https://www.genderpodcast.com/\">Gender Reveal podcast\u003c/a>, for his help on the series. And to KQED’s Jen Chien, Katie Sprenger, Ana de Almeida Amaral and Anna Vignet. We’ll be releasing all of the stories in our \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> series on our podcast.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The California Report Magazine, Your State, Your stories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"#episode-transcript\">\u003ci>View the full episode transcript.\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Our \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2025/11/03/introducing-love-you-for-you-conversations-between-trans-kids-and-their-loved-ones/\">Love You for You\u003c/a>\u003c/em> series features conversations between trans and nonbinary youth from across California and the people in their lives who love and mentor them: parents, grandparents, siblings and others.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week, we’ll hear how grandparents’ hearts can be moved by having a transgender grandchild, and how that can expand the worldview of someone who may not be connected to the LGBTQ+ community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We’ll hear from a 10-year-old transgender girl in conversation with her older sister and their grandfather. He lives in a rural California county, where many of his neighbors and hunting buddies don’t have much exposure to the transgender community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We’ll also meet a 14-year-old nonbinary kid whose grandmother lives in India, where she’s become a fierce advocate for transgender and nonbinary youth. She’s taken on the challenge of explaining her grandchild’s gender to her relatives, some of whom are 90 or older.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm?e=KQINC3553005698\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 id=\"episode-transcript\">Episode Transcript\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Love You for You Episode 2: A Grandparent’s Love\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>I’m Sasha Khokha, and this is The California Report Magazine. We’re continuing our series this week about transgender and gender-expansive kids across California and the people in their lives who love, support and mentor them so they can thrive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12063357\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003ca href=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3.png\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12063357\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3.png 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3-160x90.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3-1536x864.png 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/11/3-1200x675.png 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">An illustration of a 10-year-old transgender girl in a photo booth with her older sister and their grandfather. Many families in this series have chosen to remain anonymous and not use their names or show their faces out of fear that they could face harm in this current climate. \u003ccite>(Anna Vignet/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Montage of voices\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Being trans, of course, it’s a big deal, but I wish it didn’t feel like such a big deal. I wish I just felt like, you now, another fun thing about me instead of my whole identity? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What do you want people who are targeting trans kids right now to know about your grandkid? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Just about how special she is. That you gotta know the person. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Thanks for letting me be who I am. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>And thank you for letting me be your parent and for letting me love you. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What are you hopeful for the future will look like for trans kids?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>All the trans people I know have one vision, and it is just a society where being trans isn’t this whole like thing, right? Where I can just say, ‘Hey, I’m trans,’ and everyone’s like, ‘OK, cool.’\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>We’re calling the series \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em>, and this week we’re going to hear two conversations between kids and their grandparents.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>I’m 16. I’m a sophomore in high school. Uh, my pronouns are she, her, and this is my sister.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Hi, I’m 10. In two days, I’m about to be 11. Um, my pronouns are she, her, and this is my Grandpa.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa:\u003c/strong> Um. I’m old, I’m their Grandparent, and I’m very proud of being their Grandparent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>This family — an older sister, a younger sister who is trans, and their grandfather — sat down to talk together to talk about their relationship. And just a note, this family, like many in this series, has chosen to stay anonymous and not use their names out of fear that they could face harm in this current climate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister:\u003c/strong> When you first came out, what was that experience like for you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>I think I was like nine or eight, and it was like during the summertime, like it was right, it was kind of like in the beginning of the summer. I kind of just realized, like, yeah, that’s who I am. I’m trans, like I’m not a boy. I’m a girl. And I remember I texted my mom, “Hey, you know how I’m a boy, I think I’m actually a girl.” And she called me and she was like, “What do you mean?” And I was just like, “I’m a girl.” It was like, kind of scary because I didn’t know what anyone would think. It was kinda like awkward because like when my grandma, like I go to my grandma’s house every Friday and she used to hug me and say “Oh my little boy,” and I would look to my mom like in like disgust and like it was like kinda like weird and it was still like when I was like figuring out who I was and stuff.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Papa, how did it feel when my sister came out to you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>We always knew, so it was not a big surprise. When you were just three years old, we were putting on your dress. I think it was your…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Which one?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>When you’re going through, I think, the Dorothy years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Oh, \u003cem>Wizard of Oz\u003c/em> phase?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>I was helping you with your dress, and we were having a hard time. And I said, it’d be a lot easier if you just dressed up like a boy, and you just turned to me at the age of three and said, “I wish I was a girl.” And from then on, we knew. I knew. There’s no doubt about it. And that was it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah. Like, I feel like a lot of people don’t understand how little of a change it really was.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>It was not a…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister\u003c/strong>: Yeah, and like I’m sure it was a bigger change for you, obviously.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister\u003c/strong>: Yes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister\u003c/strong>: But like for us, it was like nothing, it was like nothing had changed. Same old you. You know? I was proud of you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister:\u003c/strong> Thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister:\u003c/strong> You’re welcome. So do you feel that you’ve never really identified with, like, male?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>No, I feel like I never did that, I always wore wigs, I’ve always loved doing makeup and stuff. I remember one day where I was like, I’m just going to do like a classic glam. Two minutes later, I had polka dots on my face looking like I was Minnie Mouse’s dress because I thought it was so funny and that I looked amazing and yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister:\u003c/strong> Uh, do you wish you would have transitioned sooner?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yes, everyone kind of like already knew, like I said, I loved costumes, I love dressing up, but not like when I was like a baby. Not when I, yep. But I feel maybe like, I feel like a good age I wanted to was probably like seven.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah. What’s something that you do that makes you feel most like yourself?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger Sister: \u003c/strong>I love expressing myself in different ways that aren’t talking. Like I love dance, I do ballet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger Sister:\u003c/strong> And I think it’s such a fun way to express myself because you can like jump up in the air and like you can show your expressions, like when you’re doing ballet, you can like spin and doing a jump, that you’re sad or you’re happy. Like I love expressing myself in dance and in music and stuff like that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, you are definitely one of the most creative people I know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older Sister: \u003c/strong>How does it feel when somebody uses your old name?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Um on like on purpose, like to be mean, I feel like like it annoys me, but also like I don’t get it because if you are trying to do this on purpose, it just fades through to, it’s like you should just stop. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, it’s just annoying, and if you do this, I’m calling you out right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>You just don’t let it affect you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I don’t.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Are there any other trans kids at your school?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Uh. I don’t think so, I don’t know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>What would you say if a new kid came to school and was trans? What would you say to make the school easier?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Um, stay away from certain people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa:\u003c/strong> OK.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Would you like give them any advice on how to stand up to bullies, or, like …\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Oh yeah, don’t let it fade to you. They are just doing that because they are insecure about yourself. They just want to tear you down, even though you’re a confident, amazing person and they’re not. So just walk away and say, “I’m better than you,” and sing your way out. That’s what I do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>OK.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yes, like this has been going on for a long time. You guys are so unoriginal. Be like, stop.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>It must be exhausting being so strong all the time, and like standing up and not letting it bother you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Um, not really.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>It’s just your norm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Do you guys think that, like, younger kids are better at learning new pronouns and new names than older people are? Because the older people have been calling you by your old name for so long.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>I think the older people have a hard time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I would agree.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Isn’t that right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, also because, like I said, our whole family is very supportive, so once they found out, I feel like I heard that some of them bought their kids gender books. I’m very glad that there’s authors and stuff and people that, oh, let’s write about this stuff, so the younger kids and younger generations can know about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, just like teaching younger kids, just educating them more about everything that goes into it. I definitely think that younger kids have an easier time with like switching names and pronouns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Does it hurt your feelings when Papa accidentally calls you by your old name?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>No, because I’m not that surprised at it, like yeah. Well, not in like a mean way. I’m just like, like I’ve been used to like everyone calling me it like for so long on accident, that I’m just like, yeah, OK, like, it’s fine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>It’s to be expected.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, like there’s like it’s kind of like they’re forgetting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Papa, have you like told any of your friends or people around you, like people that don’t include our close family, about my sister being trans?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Yes, yes, all my close friends. They all know. I have not told my neighbors. But my friends that I go hunting with and fishing with, they were all Trump supporters, but I told them, and they’ve never said, I don’t know really how they feel about it, but they’ve said anything bad about it, or you know, saying that’s a terrible thing or…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister:\u003c/strong> Yeah. Do you think that like people around you would have a reaction?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Some, yes, I do, yes. A lot of them would not understand at all. So they’re, what you don’t know they’re afraid of, kind of.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah. For people that you don’t think would be supportive or people that would have a negative reaction, what would you want to tell them to try and change their mind or redirect their thinking?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>It’s hard to tell someone to change their mind without knowing somebody or, you know, I just can’t say she’s a beautiful person; she does, she has a great heart. Um, I don’t think that’d change their mind. I think over time, if they actually met somebody and were closer to them, that’s how I think that they’d lose their opinion.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, you think that they would need to have personal experience with someone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Personal experience, exactly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>What do you want people who are targeting trans kids right now to know about your grandkid?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Just about how special she is. That you gotta know the person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, that’s a good answer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister:\u003c/strong> Yeah!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Like, I don’t, it just doesn’t make sense, people who just are homophobic for no good reason. Like, for things that don’t affect them, people that they don’t know. Doesn’t make sense to me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, like cyberbullying, like when people cyberbully people like you don’t know this person personally, but like, why do you want to be mean to them for no reason? Like you actually like the person, like if you’re taking time every day to, be rude like…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah. Like, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister:\u003c/strong> Yes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>What do you want the future to look like for trans kids?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Uh, I hope that in the future everyone’s really supportive of them and that homophobia kind of disappears. It’s probably not, but like…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>That would be wonderful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Honestly, like, there’s nothing we can really do about people having their own opinions, but like, I feel like sometimes we can just keep our opinions to ourselves, you know, just like, shush.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\n\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>What are you most excited about for your future?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister \u003c/strong>Well, there’s two things, one, becoming an actor, like, I really want to be a child actor if there’s any agents listening. Hello, I’m here! Hi. But another thing is I would love to, like this, I love how I get to like share knowledge to other people that might not know about being trans or stuff. So I love to…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older Sister:\u003c/strong> To educate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, to educate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Good answer. Papa, what do you hope that the future is like for trans kids, and what do you plan on doing to support trans kids?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Oh, I support this one all the time. Uh, I’d do anything for her, and she knows that. I just, I don’t want the hurt that people give to trans people for there’s no reason. That’s uh, that’s what really gets me and your grandma the most. We just hate to see you hurt.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>Well, I got a question for you. Have you ever talked so much to your sister before? Actually sat and chatted with your sister?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>I don’t think that a conversation like this has ever really come up. I regret not asking you more about being trans, but I’m glad that we have this opportunity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger sister: \u003c/strong>Yeah, like we never really have time, like you have a bunch of school and homework, and I have like Monday I have singing, Tuesday I have ballet…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>You have lots of commitments.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger Sister: \u003c/strong>Yes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>I think that this has been very, very helpful, educational for me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Younger Sister: \u003c/strong>Mm-hmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister \u003c/strong>And I think that having this conversation and just learning more about you and like who you are as a person will help me to better explain it to other people, you know, like to my friends and the rest of my family.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\nYounger sister: \u003c/strong>And I hope for all the other trans kids and other trans people that this is very educational for them. Really, people that are not, like people that still trying to figure out who they are. I hope this helps people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>I’m excited to see what you do in the future. I know that you’ll achieve your dreams of being an actress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa: \u003c/strong>I can’t tell you how proud I am of you two doing this. This is amazing to me. I could never ever do this at your age, especially.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Older sister: \u003c/strong>Thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Grandpa:\u003c/strong> And you guys are doing a great job. Just very special, both of you guys are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>In our next conversation, we’re gonna hear a kid talking with their mom and their grandmother.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>It’s important in these times, you know, with all the misconceptions that are there, that we make our voice be heard.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>They discuss what it’s meant to have their family’s support across generations. And by the way, we’re just using this kid’s first name to protect their privacy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan \u003c/strong>Hi, my name is Rohan, I’m 14 years old, non-binary, and my pronouns are they, them. I’m here with my mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ma\u003c/strong>: Hi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan\u003c/strong>: And my grandma, who I call Ba.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba\u003c/strong>: Hello.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan:\u003c/strong> She’s visiting from India.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>It’s not really our family culture to speak very publicly about you being trans, and in general, we’re very open about it, actually, in our community and our family. And so it’s not something secret at all, but we’re not used to talking about it publicly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>There’s not really a moment I can think of when I like found out I was trans or something, I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit into either of the main gender categories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Yeah, and as your mom, I can say that. You’ve always been you. Even when you were one years old, two years old, three years old, you know, really very young.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>When they actually came out with it, I was very glad because I just never liked the fact of anyone having to hide something because I feel that it affects their personality, and all, whereas Rohan came out with it, we all were happy to share it with friends, you know, and that’s been good. And if I can go further, actually, for me, what has been very important is to see the child thrive. And I’ve seen Rohan thriving. I mean, I’ve seen them playing football, doing those miniature paintings, being good at school, and just more than anything else, being a very sensitive, loving child. And that for me has been most important.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>There were a few things in your childhood that were very distinctive, like you never wore conventional like the short swimsuit, you know, you always wanted to wear the top as well, otherwise you would refuse to, even when you were very small, two, three years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>You know, for me, there’s just that one memory where we were at the dining table and a friend was visiting and Rohan whispered to you to say that share, and I said it is such a good moment for me that you know not only was there a coming out but there was such a confidence about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Oh my gosh, I had forgotten that moment. That was a really precious moment. You were such a little one. And when you were excited, I also remember when we were discussing with the counselor, you know, she was advising that you could come out. Actually, we didn’t know about non-binary and they/them pronouns. So when we were talking about your gender fluidity and she asked you what’s your coming out plan. You were a little kid, Rohan of seven, eight years old. And she asked, “Who would you like to come out to?” And you said, “Everybody.” And I remember that was really one of my favorite moments.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>I feel like one of the things was it really like, somehow I feel like I was opened up to an even bigger community, like, and that was really special, I think, like of all the different, you know, like LGBTQ kids and…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>So yeah, that’s one of the unexpected boons, isn’t it, Rohan, finding that community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah, there’s so many nice moments like going to Pride and going to like groups where there’s like so many other like trans and non-binary or anyone who’s LGBTQ kids, and I just feel like I can connect with people so well there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Yeah, do you want to talk about some of the challenges on the other side, the challenges of being trans in this world?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>For me, one of the biggest things is bathroom dysphoria, like especially being non-binary, I never know, I don’t want to go in either of the like male or female bathrooms and like especially in like big public spaces. Even if it’s like in a like area that’s very supportive, I feel really uncomfortable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom\u003c/strong>: If there’s a non-binary, if there’s an all-gender bathroom available, does that make it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah, definitely.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>That addresses it, huh? So that’s the solution.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Any other challenges you’ve experienced or difficulties?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>So, also, another thing is immigration when we’re going to see my grandparents in India, sometimes it’s tough explaining to the immigration agent like what non-binary is and sometimes like the, they’re like trying to talk to me in Hindi or like, and that’s sometimes a language barrier and like what it says on the passport may not match how they perceive me. I feel like worried. If we get into the country or not is based on their decisions. So it’s always a very stressful time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>I think my mom and I have talked about this, that as parents, as grandparents, we just want to protect our child and protect their right to be a child and dealing with these types of things with how to use the bathroom and navigating immigration. These are things which I know I, as a child, never had to think about. The adults in the world took care of it and made it easy and safe for me. I think that’s the toughest as an adult to not be able to control that I can make a world that children can be carefree and safe in.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba:\u003c/strong> This is such an important part of caring for our own children and, by extension, our grandchildren, and what it would mean not just for our grandchildren but for communities at large to see. We all feel it, and we all are together in it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> The safety of children is a community sport. It’s a team sport. Putting flags, rainbow flags and trans flags everywhere. Whenever I see a rainbow flag anywhere, I feel that it’s a signal that I am safe to be myself there. I know it makes difference to me as the parent of a trans child. I’ll be biking through the neighborhood, and in a way, it’s such a small cosmetic thing, putting a flag up outside your house, but it makes big difference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I really feel like that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Do you feel that too?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Buy some flags.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>I think we are able to have conversations and just feel more open, more close to each other as family. And then I realized that it opened up another horizon for me. Like one day, I walked into an LGBTQ meeting in Bombay. I’d never done that before. And there were only two of us who were not in that category. Maybe we all are a bit in that category, but strikingly so. So it was a universe which I entered in because of you. And then one time, during a literary festival, I went to listen to transgender poetry. And I had not been aware of that whole scene in Bombay, and so my college, where I had studied, has an LGBTQ club. And I’ve got connected to that. And I’m looking forward to an opportunity to talk to grandparents through that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan:\u003c/strong> I mean, Ba, you saw this firsthand, but like, where the family in India, especially like the family that was like 90 or more years older, like still really tries and understands.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom\u003c/strong>: The way that she explained, the way you explained, mama and helped people understand how Rohan is, you know what it’s like because for many of them they had no exposure whatsoever to, maybe not even to LGBTQ, for some of our really elderly, forget trans. Just to have you know my 80 plus, 90 plus relative unanimously, not had one relative who when we go back home Rohan can’t be themselves with that even and so by extension I can’t be myself with. And that, even though it’s around this topic of being trans, I think in a way made me feel more safe about being myself, myself, in general. Because I realize that people are more capable than I might have guessed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>India has been such like a happy memory in general for me, like, and I’m always excited to go now because it’s like there’s so much support and love there in that family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>And I just want to give the context that the family that my husband comes from is really a Marwadi, conservative family, and my own family, maybe a little forward, but otherwise a bit right-wing, you get the picture. And yet, before Rohan came to India, last time especially, because now they had grown up, I wanted them all to know before they met them, you know, so that there would really be no quizzical looks or anything, there’d just be a joyful feeling of a grandchild visiting. We’ve got a large family, so I would tell one person from the family to inform everybody else. If one talks in a certain way, then awareness does increase and something does shift.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Yeah, Ba, thanks for sharing that. Can you reflect on whether there was something about the way that you introduced people to the topic that got the reaction that you got?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>I realized that there’s no sense in being forceful or angry, you know. I just, it’s important to reach, not to confront anyone. People always love it when somebody wants to share something. I didn’t say, I want to tell you, or I want you to know. Get into a conversation in some form, like encourage them to ask if a question popped up in their mind. I remember that there was an 83-year-old woman who was like you know, I’ve never heard of this do you mind if I ask more questions? I said no, I want you to ask more questions, and if you can talk to others about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>You know, Ba, you’re a real leader, you are held in high respect in our family. And I think also you drew on that in the sense on the trust and respect people have for you. So you were sharing very much about how you feel. They could feel your comfort with it, your not just comfort, but joy about who Rohan is, your pride in Rohan, and then I think that people follow suit a little bit with someone they respect and trust.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>One thing was my own intrinsic love for Rohan. That’s the first, but also, I think my own experience as having grown up in India at a time when there was so much gender discrimination and bias against women. So I somehow know in my bones how it feels, you know, so that the combined effect of that, think, gave me a certain energy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in and out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Rohan, you also have family in Wyoming from your dad’s side. And so how has that story played out?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I mean, I feel like it’s kind of like a bit of an unfinished story. Like we haven’t yet told them, but like in Wyoming, like that community, it is a bit of a conservative community. But I mean I’m still hopeful that maybe, you know, it could be the same situation as what happened in India. Like, we kind of expected the worst, but then it was so amazing to see all these like, people understanding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Yeah. And so though it’s unfinished, do you feel sad about that? Or kind of a sense of anything negative, dread or uncertainty or?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan\u003c/strong>: Not really. I feel like I’m kind of hopeful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Rohan, have you ever imagined or thought about not being trans or wished you were cisgender?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>Um, I feel like sometimes, yeah, maybe I think about what it might have been like if I wasn’t trans, but it’s never like a, like it’s almost like thinking about what would it be like for a different person who’s not trans. It’s not like, what if I was not trans? I mean, it’s who I am, I’d be a different person if I wasn’t trans. Like it’s almost like saying like, oh, what if I had chosen to be a different height? Or what if I had chosen for my skin color to be different? Like, it’s kind of who you are, and I’m happy to be who I am.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>I very, very strongly feel that everyone has a right to be what they are. I think change happens. It happens slowly, but it does happen. So we keep our faith alive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Great. And now the most important question, which family member has supported you best? Who gets the award?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan\u003c/strong>: Everyone!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom:\u003c/strong> Rohan, I know that you were very hesitant to do this, so thanks for doing it. Thanks for taking a chance on it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>I mean, I feel like in the end, all the stress when we did this fully went away.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ba: \u003c/strong>I have to say that I felt teary in between. Just we’ve talked about these things, it’s not new, but talking like this, I think I feel very heartened.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mom: \u003c/strong>Yeah, that’s how I feel. My heart feels very full.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rohan: \u003c/strong>I’m really happy we did this. You know, I feel like we’re giving a message out to people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>Next week in the \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> series, we’ll hear a dad talking with his two gender-expansive teenagers. Both rugby players who’ve faced different kinds of challenges on the field.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Kid: \u003c/strong>I am a person like you, and I am just here to play rugby and now I will tackle you, please stop being patronizing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>That’s next week on \u003cem>The California Report Magazine\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The interviews in our \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> series were produced by me, Sasha Khokha, Tessa Paoli, Srishti Prabha and Suzie Racho with help this week from Gabriela Glueck. Our senior editor is Victoria Mauleon. Our engineer is Brendan Willard, with additional mixing from Katherine Monahan. Srishti Prabha is our intern. Special thanks to Tuck Woodstock, host of the \u003ca href=\"https://www.genderpodcast.com/\">Gender Reveal podcast\u003c/a>, for his help on the series. And to KQED’s Jen Chien, Katie Sprenger, Ana de Almeida Amaral and Anna Vignet. We’ll be releasing all of the stories in our \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> series on our podcast.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The California Report Magazine, Your State, Your stories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"#episode-transcript\">\u003ci>View the full episode transcript.\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/transgender\">Transgender\u003c/a> and nonbinary kids have been in the headlines a lot lately, and recent \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/trump-administration\">Trump administration\u003c/a> policies have only intensified this focus. But we rarely hear these young people tell their own stories, about growing up with love and support from their families and communities, or about their complex, multifaceted identities that go beyond gender.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Our \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> series takes a unique approach, featuring conversations between trans and nonbinary youth from across California and the people in their lives who love and mentor them: parents, grandparents, siblings and others.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This series features six conversations, packaged into three episodes. (Note that most families participating in the series have decided not to use their names to protect their identities).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week, we’ll hear kids exploring identity and coming out to family. In the first conversation, a nonbinary 8-year-old talks with their mom about navigating school life and connecting with their Vietnamese and Taiwanese relatives. Then, 16-year-old Hunter Stoval sits down with his mom’s best friend, Shirin Amini, who came out as a lesbian at his age.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm?e=KQINC9033219123\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Guests:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>A mom and 8-year-old nonbinary kid (they/them)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Hunter Stoval, a 16-year-old trans boy (he/him) and Shirin Amini (she/her)\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12062276\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003ca href=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2.png\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12062276\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2.png 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2-160x90.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2-1536x864.png 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2-1600x900.png 1600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">An illustration of an 8-year-old and their mom (who wish to remain anonymous for safety) in a photo booth. As part of “Love You for You,” a new California Report Magazine series uplifting the voices of trans youth, the kid talks to their mom about navigating their gender identity at school and with their Vietnamese and Taiwanese relatives. \u003ccite>(Anna Vignet/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch2 id=\"episode-transcript\">Episode Transcript\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>Love You for You Episode 1: Coming Out to Love \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>Hey, it’s Sasha Khokha. And here on the California Report’s weekly magazine show, we get to do something really special: take deep dives into issues that shape who we are as Californians. Spend time to really get to know the people whose stories and voices we bring you. So you can understand the complexity of their experience. The nuances, not just the headlines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Well, over the next few weeks, we’re gonna do just that by introducing you to some transgender, nonbinary and other gender expansive youth and their families.[aside postID=news_12061591 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250331-Trans-Newsom-Rally-AC-02-KQED-1020x680.jpg']Trans kids have been in the headlines a lot recently, especially since the Trump Administration has started targeting them through executive orders and policies.We’ve been hearing a lot of debates over whether they’re being harmed by the medical system or their schools.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But we’re not hearing much from those young people themselves about their lives. And most media coverage focuses on the hardships trans kids can face: suicide risk, depression, rejection from their families, lack of access to supportive care.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All of those factors are real. But I’ve got some amazing trans and nonbinary kids in my life, and it seems like we rarely hear stories about these young people are thriving with love and support from their families and communities. And how trans youth actually have complex, multifaceted identities that go beyond their gender. They’re scholars, siblings, artists, athletes and so much more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So over the next few weeks, we’ll introduce you to some gender-expansive youth from across California and the people in their lives who love, support, and mentor them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Montage of voices\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Being trans, of course it’s a big deal, but I wish it didn’t feel like such a big deal. I wish I just felt like, you now, another fun thing about me instead of my whole identity? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What do you want people who are targeting trans kids right now to know about your grandkid? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Just about how special she is. That you gotta know the person. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Thanks for letting me be who I am. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>And thank you for letting me be your parent and for letting me love you. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What are you hopeful for the future will look like for trans kids?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>All the trans people I know have one vision and it is just a society where being trans isn’t this whole like thing, right?Where I can just say, ‘Hey, I’m trans,’ and everyone’s like, ‘OK, cool.’\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>We’re gonna take a page from the long-running storytelling project “Storycorps” and listen in as these young people have conversations with their parents, their grandparents, or their mentors, about how they can thrive with love. We’re calling the series “Love You for You.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week, we’ll hear from two young people. An 8-year-old in conversation with their mom…and then, a 16-year-old talking to his “Aunty” – his mom’s best friend, who’s a lesbian. And just a note, many of the youth in this series have chosen to stay anonymous and not use their names out of fear that they and their families could face harm in this current climate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here’s our first conversation…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>[Mother and child speak in Vietnamese: I will ask some questions so the answer is in American. OK.]\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child\u003c/strong>: I like to play soccer and read, and my family is from Asia, like Vietnam and Taiwan, and my pronouns is they/them and I’m 8 years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are you most proud of about me?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> What am I most proud of about you? Um, I think in terms of being non-binary that you knew when you were very young. You were only about four years old and you just kind of told me that you weren’t sure that you fit being either a boy or a girl and you felt maybe like you were neither or both.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And so that was something for us to learn because we didn’t think kids that young knew that about themselves. And so we had to learn a lot about it and support you. And you’ve always just kind stuck with it, even though people ask a lot, like, ‘How do you know?’ Like you just know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music bridge \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> What does it feel like to be non-binary?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>Um, Different\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Different in what way?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Just kids sometimes tease me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother: \u003c/strong>Kids sometimes tease you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> What do they say?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>They’re just like, like ‘Why are you in here? You’re not allowed to.’\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Oh, when you go to the bathrooms?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> And it sounds like that made you feel bad. I remember it made you feel really sad when you were little.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>I’m sad that, like, some people don’t like that I’m non-binary and they don’t want it to be allowed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Oh, yeah, do you mean at school or just like in the world?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> In the world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> In the world. Yeah, it feels like you can’t be yourself?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Does it feel like there’s, like, new rules about it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Yeah? And that makes you sad?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Mm-hmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music sneaks in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> And before it was hard, if people got your pronouns wrong, you wouldn’t say anything. And now you’ll correct people. And like at school, like sometimes you wear a bracelet that says what your pronouns are. You know, we found ways at school to find safe spaces for bathrooms, right? You’ll go to the principal’s office or in the library. Um, but sometimes if you want to use the restroom, you’re not letting other kids like bully you, um, out of the space anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>If they say I can’t, I’m just like ‘Too bad. I’m gonna go anyway.’\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Yeah.(laughs)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You have really good friends at school that use the buddy system and they’ll go with you, too, so it’s almost like you have an extra person there that’s an ally. And then how about at home? What about our family?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>You like use my correct pronouns, and if you say it wrong, then you correct yourself and say sorry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Do you feel like the rest of our family and friends have been OK with your pronouns or do you think they understand it? Like grandma?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Yeah, fifty-fifty\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Fifty-fifty. Yeah, I think sometimes, like, aunties will understand it and then your uncles kind of forget sometimes, huh? (Child yeah) And then your grandma’s, it’s a little hard because in our languages, there are no pronouns. And so for them, it’s everybody’s a they, or they mix hes and shes a lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music bridge\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Maybe like the future could just be like people accept they/them or trans just as like would they accept she or he right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Like the same.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> What do you hope the future is going to be like for trans and non-binary kids like you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> I hope that it’s like you can just be trans or non-binary and no one will like judge you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> What are your dreams for me?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> What are my dreams for you? Um, I hope in the future that it’s safe for you to be who you are and continue to be who you are. I feel like in the Bay Area, we’re pretty lucky and our family has been really supported in our community. And I hope that that can extend outside of, you know, where we live and kind of in the world. And I just hope that you can be happy, happy with who you are. And I don’t know, that you just get to be and do the things that you want to do and that people don’t put like limits on what you can do because of your gender identity. Yeah. And I hope that people can be as kind as you and as accepting as you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> And thanks for letting me be who I am.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Yeah. And thank you for letting me be your parent and for letting me love you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> You’re welcome.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Hunter and Shirin \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong style=\"font-size: 16px\">Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 16px;font-weight: 400\">That kind of support – allowing gender-expansive kids to just be who they are – can come from many people in their lives…whether it’s a parent or someone else.\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval\u003cem>:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Hi, I’m Hunter. I’m 16 years old and I am a trans guy. And my pronouns are he, him. Now introduce yourself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> OK. My name is Shirin. I am 48 years old. I identify as a lesbian. I came out of the closet in 1993. That was another century ago. And my pronouns are she and her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>Meet Hunter Stoval and Shirin Amini. Shirin is Hunter’s mom’s best friend. She’s known him his whole life. And she’s kind of Aunty to him. Let’s hear their conversation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>I think both of us have been through a lot in the past few years, which has made us a lot closer. We text a lot, we call a lot. You know all of my gossip. And I think since I came out, that’s only made us closer since we have even more things in common now. And yeah, I would say beyond you being my aunt, you’re one of my closest friends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>Oh, I love that because I was just, as you were talking, I was like, you know, yeah, ‘You’re like my nephew, but actually I feel like more just a friend’. So tell me about being trans. Will you remind me of your like coming out story?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Yeah, so I came out probably two and a half or three years ago when I was still in middle school. And I first came out to my friends who were super supportive. And then I came to my parents. And it was very scary. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I had been planning what I was going to say for a very long time. I wrote my mom a letter and I read it to her. And she didn’t really know what was going on, I would say, but she was supportive of me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I think I came out to my mom the night prior to coming out to you, but I do think I came out to you before I came out to my dad.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>And I think that was helpful for my mom as well so that she could have someone to talk to because she did tell me it was hard for her to keep secrets from my dad, So, I’m glad that she had you to rely on, and you to kind of almost help her through and um, because I know you understand, so….\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> I remember the night that you came out to me. We were in your room, and I was sitting on the floor, and you were on your bed, and we were talking. And I think maybe dating myself, my gaydar went off (laughs). And I had, like, this hunch, you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I know I asked about your pronouns. And that was the first time you told me that they were he and they, at that time. And now, I don’t really think they is the pronoun you identify with, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I think part of my coming out … there’s definitely like a very common she/her, she/they, they/them, like a shift from, you know, one gender identity, like shifting from female to male. And I think at the time, I kind of included “they” in my pronouns because I was like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to make it difficult for other people. I wanna make this, you know, easy on everyone. If they don’t know my pronouns, like I won’t cry if they call me they,’ but that didn’t last very long, turns out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>I was so happy that you told me and I feel like there was a little bit of excitement, right? There is like this relief. And so then I felt like, OK, we all right. It like bonded us a little bit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Yeah. It might be because I’m older or it might be because of, you know, we’re both queer, a combination of the two, but I definitely think it made us closer because you felt like someone I could rely on as one of, as an older queer person, that I’m super, you now, close to and have known for the past 16 years of my life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>So, can you tell me about your coming out story? How old were you when you came out?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>I was exactly your age. I was 16, it was 1993. And so when I came out, I first came out to my mom, who is a very loving and supportive mother. But back then she didn’t have any friends who had other gay children. She didn’t have any gay friends and I was like the only one. Which might seem bizarre today because it seems like most people know people in the LGBTQ+ community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The way I came out was my mom asked me, ‘Well, you’re not gay, are you?’ \u003cem>[Hunter laughs]\u003c/em> Which is always a great way to set up a question. And instead of confirming that I was not, I told her that, well, actually I was.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And for me, there was a ton of shame, because as supportive as my mom wanted to be, she was shocked and disappointed. And so I could feel that. And… It felt like immediately I was on this island by myself. And so I kind of carry that experience with me. And I think that it relates or I assume that a lot of trans kids and coming out kind of feel a little bit like that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I think I felt a similar way with my dad, who now is such a big supporter of me, but he had a very different upbringing than me, and doesn’t know any other parents with trans kids, I think, which makes it a bit harder.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So there was definitely a lot of, you know, shock and how do I feel about this and, you know, what are the next steps? But I think you were really helpful with that because my parents did know queer people, mostly, like, gay people or lesbian people, but regardless queer, so it really could have been worse. I’m very grateful for, you know, my community. I have a lot of family that lives locally who I’m really close to.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> Awesome. I will say one thing that’s been really exciting, I guess, to see and watch is how you have come out and I’ve learned so much from you and I actually feel like you’ve been so inspirational to me even and I kind of look back and I think, ‘Oh my gosh, I wish I had the courage that you had when I came out,’ because you’re so authentic and you’re so yourself and you don’t feel that you have to fit a certain mold which I think is extremely powerful, to say that you’re trans this is how you feel, this is who you are And I think that that has been something that’s been really powerful for me to watch and learn and actually even help me be more authentic person even at this age.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Thank you so much.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> So I think about like what an amazing human you are and all of your interests and things that you do. What would you say your superpower is?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>I would say my superpower is being creative. I’m really into art, I’m into fashion, and I think that helps me express my identity in creative ways. I am not super worried about being the most masculine person on earth. I love just wearing what I think is cute. I love fashion, I love creating art and writing about who I am, and I wouldn’t have it any way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> I totally agree, especially with your fits. You are a little bit of a fashionista, so I can always get some tips from you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>So, one of the other things I want to talk about is what has someone in your life done to make you feel supported in your identity?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> I think, honestly, that your mom was the most supportive person in my life, that was kind of a rock, like my rock of Gibraltar.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I remember when I came out to your mom. We were parked out in front of her house in my 1979 baby blue Monte Carlo. I was dropping her off at night and I was so nervous. And back in that day, you kind of prefaced it with like, ‘Well, I think I’m bisexual. I don’t know, you know, I don’t really know if I’m totally gay.’ And your mom was like, ‘Yeah, I know, I’m not surprised,’ and I think I was more shocked. And then after that was in high school.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I think just having one person in your life that was just not embarrassed, like would be by my side. It was kind of like having this confidence kick by you. And that made actually a really significant difference. Somebody that was like open and go to gay pride parades with me and go out to places. I think that was the most helpful thing to have in my life especially at the beginning when I was younger.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Do you have somebody in your life? I mean, I’m curious what somebody has done to make you feel really supported through all this.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>When I came out to my grandmother, instead of questioning anything, she’s a very solution-oriented person, and she was immediately like, ‘OK, so what does that mean? Like, what should we do?’ And there was no shock or whatever. She was just immediately so supportive of me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And then another thing that someone has done is my dad. I had to get my passport renewed, and there was a little option to change your gender marker, and he was like, ‘OK, do you want to change it to male?’ So now my passport says male on it, which you know feels so great and it feels really affirming, especially coming from my dad when our relationship was a little bit rocky when I first came out. He’s definitely grown a lot and I’m super proud of him in that way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> Just to clarify, Hunter, this all happened before the election, right? That you did this?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>This was before the election, but this was when we kind of knew that Donald Trump was going to run for president and that with him possibly in office at the time, that that could affect a lot of things related to transgender rights and stuff like that. So…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> I’m happy you did it. It’s like you got in and like that window almost. I’ve been married more than once, but the first time I got married, there was a window right before Prop. 8 came out in California. They were allowing same-sex marriage and there was this window of opportunity that my partner and I seized at the time and went and got married during that window.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Can you explain what Prop. 8 is?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>Yeah, Prop. 8, which the LGBTQ community called “Prop Hate,” was a proposition that was very controversial to ban gay marriage in California. And they did ban gay marriage. And it was several years that gay people were banned from being married. However, those of us who got married in that window where it was legal for a short time were still considered married. I think that a lot of younger people can’t even imagine that could have been illegal and kind of the anti-gay sentiment\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the ’90s, when I came out, and there was a big incident that you’re probably not aware of, there was a big incident with a young guy named Matthew Shepard, who was gay, and he was killed in a homophobic gay hate crime. And that really rocked the gay community at that time. And I think ultimately, hopefully, we now feel safer; however, I think that the trans community may still be in a similar position today, and that I don’t want.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval:\u003c/strong> I still feel a sense of community with all the trans people in this country and in the world, and it’s really sad to see, in my opinion.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>What do you feel is the most difficult thing about where you are being trans youth at like your age or if you could change one thing or one thing that you struggle with, if you’re willing to share.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>I think for me, my biggest issue is in gender dysphoria. So, like, feeling, you know, insecure about my voice, feeling insecure about my body. Luckily, I’ve been gifted with height, so…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> Mm-hmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval:\u003c/strong> I know that’s an issue for a lot of, especially trans men. I love feeling confident in myself, but there are days where I do not feel confident. So yeah, it is hard, but it has gotten easier. And I hope that all trans people, especially the ones who are planning on coming out or just came out. I hope they know it does, it does get easier. And you know, I used to hate being trans, but now I love it. I have made so many friends and so many connections this way and gotten so much closer to my family too, which is really amazing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> That’s awesome.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>What do you hope the future looks like for trans people or queer people in general?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> In my perfect world, I hope that it’s NBD, it’s like no big deal, that people have parents who are trans, children who are trans, everybody knows somebody. And it’s just become pretty much mainstream and acceptable. That coming out isn’t a big deal, that trans people have all the same rights that non-trans people have. The other thing is I want the future to be safe for trans and non-binary kids. And I think that it’s still unfortunately not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What do you want your future to look like?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval:\u003c/strong> Um, I feel the same way. I think, you know, being trans has, of course it’s a big deal, but I wish it didn’t feel like such a big deal. I wish I just felt like, you now, another fun thing about me instead of my whole identity? I’m so much more than being trans and being trans is really hard and it could be so much easier, you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One thing that I really wish people would understand is that it’s OK to be confused when someone comes out, but it’s not an excuse to invalidate them. It’s OK for things to change. It’s OK that things weren’t like how they were when you were a kid and you know, the least you can do when someone comes out is just say, OK, I’m here for you, and I promise you the person coming out to you is having a harder time than you receiving the news.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> That is so true, Hunter. I actually was thinking that. I was like, well, for as much as it makes some people uncomfortable, it’s so much more uncomfortable being on the coming out side. It’s really difficult. I do think that you are a bit of a pioneer. Whether you want to be or not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I look back, and I kind of think, maybe I was a little bit of a pioneer. And there were a lot of people who were not accepting of gays, lesbians, let alone trans back then. And I think that I was able to change a lot of people’s minds as they got to know me. And it’s really important to come out because once people actually know that the people that they love and care about are LGBTQ, that’s when you change minds. And I’m really proud of you. It does take a lot of courage and I really hope that by you coming out now, I really believe that you’re changing a lot of people’s minds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Thank you so much. And I really agree with that. I think a lot of the people who have come out too, like that I’m not super close to, but people still in my life, like my parents’ friends or whatever, I might be one of the first trans people that they’ve met and it feels really good to just be around them and be myself and help them understand, I’m still the same person as I was before I came out. It’s just you know, a slight shift in what pronoun you use for me, but besides that, I’m still me, you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>Yep.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stovall: \u003c/strong>I think everyone should have a Shirin in their life. Like an older role model who’s also your friend, who you can tell anything and you know they won’t tell your parents unless you ask them to and they’re there to advocate for you and call you when you need anything. Just having that mentor-friend combination is just, you know, so perfect, so.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music bridge\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> Well, I love you with all my heart, always will, no matter what. And I wish everyone had a Hunter in their life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>You’re so sweet. (laughs)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music comes out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>16-year-old Hunter Stoval in conversation with his special Aunty, Shirin Amini as part of our series \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> where transgender and nonbinary kids are talking with people who love and support them and help them to thrive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Next week a conversation between kids and their grandparents…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Older sister: What do you want people who are targeting trans kids right now to know about your grandkid? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Grandpa: \u003c/em>\u003cem>Just about how special she is. That you gotta know the person.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Upbeat music in\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>\u003cbr>\n\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\nSasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>That’s next week on the California Report Magazine.\u003cbr>\nThe interviews in our Love You for You series were produced by Tessa Paoli and Suzie Racho. Our senior editor is Victoria Mauleon. Our engineer is Brendan Willard. Srishti Prabha is our intern. Special thanks to Tuck Woodstock, host of the \u003ca href=\"https://www.genderpodcast.com/\">Gender Reveal podcas\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"https://www.genderpodcast.com/\">t,\u003c/a> for all his help on the series.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Special thanks to KQED’s Jen Chien, Katie Sprenger, Ana de Almeida Amaral and Anna Vignet for their help on the series.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I’m Sasha Khokha of the California Report Magazine, Your State, Your stories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n",
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"excerpt": "KQED's new series, \"Love You for You,\" features trans and nonbinary youth from across California in conversation with people in their lives who love, support and mentor them so they can thrive.",
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"title": "Introducing 'Love You for You:' Conversations Between Trans Kids and Their Loved Ones | KQED",
"description": "KQED's new series, "Love You for You," features trans and nonbinary youth from across California in conversation with people in their lives who love, support and mentor them so they can thrive.",
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"headline": "Introducing 'Love You for You:' Conversations Between Trans Kids and Their Loved Ones",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"#episode-transcript\">\u003ci>View the full episode transcript.\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/transgender\">Transgender\u003c/a> and nonbinary kids have been in the headlines a lot lately, and recent \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/trump-administration\">Trump administration\u003c/a> policies have only intensified this focus. But we rarely hear these young people tell their own stories, about growing up with love and support from their families and communities, or about their complex, multifaceted identities that go beyond gender.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Our \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> series takes a unique approach, featuring conversations between trans and nonbinary youth from across California and the people in their lives who love and mentor them: parents, grandparents, siblings and others.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This series features six conversations, packaged into three episodes. (Note that most families participating in the series have decided not to use their names to protect their identities).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week, we’ll hear kids exploring identity and coming out to family. In the first conversation, a nonbinary 8-year-old talks with their mom about navigating school life and connecting with their Vietnamese and Taiwanese relatives. Then, 16-year-old Hunter Stoval sits down with his mom’s best friend, Shirin Amini, who came out as a lesbian at his age.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm?e=KQINC9033219123\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Guests:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>A mom and 8-year-old nonbinary kid (they/them)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Hunter Stoval, a 16-year-old trans boy (he/him) and Shirin Amini (she/her)\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12062276\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003ca href=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2.png\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12062276\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1080\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2.png 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2-160x90.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2-1536x864.png 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/2-1600x900.png 1600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">An illustration of an 8-year-old and their mom (who wish to remain anonymous for safety) in a photo booth. As part of “Love You for You,” a new California Report Magazine series uplifting the voices of trans youth, the kid talks to their mom about navigating their gender identity at school and with their Vietnamese and Taiwanese relatives. \u003ccite>(Anna Vignet/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch2 id=\"episode-transcript\">Episode Transcript\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>Love You for You Episode 1: Coming Out to Love \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>Hey, it’s Sasha Khokha. And here on the California Report’s weekly magazine show, we get to do something really special: take deep dives into issues that shape who we are as Californians. Spend time to really get to know the people whose stories and voices we bring you. So you can understand the complexity of their experience. The nuances, not just the headlines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Well, over the next few weeks, we’re gonna do just that by introducing you to some transgender, nonbinary and other gender expansive youth and their families.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>Trans kids have been in the headlines a lot recently, especially since the Trump Administration has started targeting them through executive orders and policies.We’ve been hearing a lot of debates over whether they’re being harmed by the medical system or their schools.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But we’re not hearing much from those young people themselves about their lives. And most media coverage focuses on the hardships trans kids can face: suicide risk, depression, rejection from their families, lack of access to supportive care.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All of those factors are real. But I’ve got some amazing trans and nonbinary kids in my life, and it seems like we rarely hear stories about these young people are thriving with love and support from their families and communities. And how trans youth actually have complex, multifaceted identities that go beyond their gender. They’re scholars, siblings, artists, athletes and so much more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So over the next few weeks, we’ll introduce you to some gender-expansive youth from across California and the people in their lives who love, support, and mentor them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Montage of voices\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Being trans, of course it’s a big deal, but I wish it didn’t feel like such a big deal. I wish I just felt like, you now, another fun thing about me instead of my whole identity? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What do you want people who are targeting trans kids right now to know about your grandkid? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Just about how special she is. That you gotta know the person. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Thanks for letting me be who I am. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>And thank you for letting me be your parent and for letting me love you. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What are you hopeful for the future will look like for trans kids?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>All the trans people I know have one vision and it is just a society where being trans isn’t this whole like thing, right?Where I can just say, ‘Hey, I’m trans,’ and everyone’s like, ‘OK, cool.’\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>We’re gonna take a page from the long-running storytelling project “Storycorps” and listen in as these young people have conversations with their parents, their grandparents, or their mentors, about how they can thrive with love. We’re calling the series “Love You for You.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week, we’ll hear from two young people. An 8-year-old in conversation with their mom…and then, a 16-year-old talking to his “Aunty” – his mom’s best friend, who’s a lesbian. And just a note, many of the youth in this series have chosen to stay anonymous and not use their names out of fear that they and their families could face harm in this current climate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here’s our first conversation…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>[Mother and child speak in Vietnamese: I will ask some questions so the answer is in American. OK.]\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child\u003c/strong>: I like to play soccer and read, and my family is from Asia, like Vietnam and Taiwan, and my pronouns is they/them and I’m 8 years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What are you most proud of about me?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> What am I most proud of about you? Um, I think in terms of being non-binary that you knew when you were very young. You were only about four years old and you just kind of told me that you weren’t sure that you fit being either a boy or a girl and you felt maybe like you were neither or both.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And so that was something for us to learn because we didn’t think kids that young knew that about themselves. And so we had to learn a lot about it and support you. And you’ve always just kind stuck with it, even though people ask a lot, like, ‘How do you know?’ Like you just know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music bridge \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> What does it feel like to be non-binary?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>Um, Different\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Different in what way?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Just kids sometimes tease me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother: \u003c/strong>Kids sometimes tease you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> What do they say?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>They’re just like, like ‘Why are you in here? You’re not allowed to.’\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Oh, when you go to the bathrooms?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> And it sounds like that made you feel bad. I remember it made you feel really sad when you were little.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>I’m sad that, like, some people don’t like that I’m non-binary and they don’t want it to be allowed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Oh, yeah, do you mean at school or just like in the world?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> In the world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> In the world. Yeah, it feels like you can’t be yourself?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Does it feel like there’s, like, new rules about it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Yeah? And that makes you sad?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Mm-hmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music sneaks in\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> And before it was hard, if people got your pronouns wrong, you wouldn’t say anything. And now you’ll correct people. And like at school, like sometimes you wear a bracelet that says what your pronouns are. You know, we found ways at school to find safe spaces for bathrooms, right? You’ll go to the principal’s office or in the library. Um, but sometimes if you want to use the restroom, you’re not letting other kids like bully you, um, out of the space anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>If they say I can’t, I’m just like ‘Too bad. I’m gonna go anyway.’\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Yeah.(laughs)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You have really good friends at school that use the buddy system and they’ll go with you, too, so it’s almost like you have an extra person there that’s an ally. And then how about at home? What about our family?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child: \u003c/strong>You like use my correct pronouns, and if you say it wrong, then you correct yourself and say sorry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Do you feel like the rest of our family and friends have been OK with your pronouns or do you think they understand it? Like grandma?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Yeah, fifty-fifty\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Fifty-fifty. Yeah, I think sometimes, like, aunties will understand it and then your uncles kind of forget sometimes, huh? (Child yeah) And then your grandma’s, it’s a little hard because in our languages, there are no pronouns. And so for them, it’s everybody’s a they, or they mix hes and shes a lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music bridge\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Maybe like the future could just be like people accept they/them or trans just as like would they accept she or he right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> Like the same.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> What do you hope the future is going to be like for trans and non-binary kids like you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> I hope that it’s like you can just be trans or non-binary and no one will like judge you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music fades \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> What are your dreams for me?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> What are my dreams for you? Um, I hope in the future that it’s safe for you to be who you are and continue to be who you are. I feel like in the Bay Area, we’re pretty lucky and our family has been really supported in our community. And I hope that that can extend outside of, you know, where we live and kind of in the world. And I just hope that you can be happy, happy with who you are. And I don’t know, that you just get to be and do the things that you want to do and that people don’t put like limits on what you can do because of your gender identity. Yeah. And I hope that people can be as kind as you and as accepting as you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> And thanks for letting me be who I am.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mother:\u003c/strong> Yeah. And thank you for letting me be your parent and for letting me love you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Child:\u003c/strong> You’re welcome.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Hunter and Shirin \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong style=\"font-size: 16px\">Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 16px;font-weight: 400\">That kind of support – allowing gender-expansive kids to just be who they are – can come from many people in their lives…whether it’s a parent or someone else.\u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval\u003cem>:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Hi, I’m Hunter. I’m 16 years old and I am a trans guy. And my pronouns are he, him. Now introduce yourself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> OK. My name is Shirin. I am 48 years old. I identify as a lesbian. I came out of the closet in 1993. That was another century ago. And my pronouns are she and her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>Meet Hunter Stoval and Shirin Amini. Shirin is Hunter’s mom’s best friend. She’s known him his whole life. And she’s kind of Aunty to him. Let’s hear their conversation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>I think both of us have been through a lot in the past few years, which has made us a lot closer. We text a lot, we call a lot. You know all of my gossip. And I think since I came out, that’s only made us closer since we have even more things in common now. And yeah, I would say beyond you being my aunt, you’re one of my closest friends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>Oh, I love that because I was just, as you were talking, I was like, you know, yeah, ‘You’re like my nephew, but actually I feel like more just a friend’. So tell me about being trans. Will you remind me of your like coming out story?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Yeah, so I came out probably two and a half or three years ago when I was still in middle school. And I first came out to my friends who were super supportive. And then I came to my parents. And it was very scary. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I had been planning what I was going to say for a very long time. I wrote my mom a letter and I read it to her. And she didn’t really know what was going on, I would say, but she was supportive of me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I think I came out to my mom the night prior to coming out to you, but I do think I came out to you before I came out to my dad.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> Yeah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>And I think that was helpful for my mom as well so that she could have someone to talk to because she did tell me it was hard for her to keep secrets from my dad, So, I’m glad that she had you to rely on, and you to kind of almost help her through and um, because I know you understand, so….\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> I remember the night that you came out to me. We were in your room, and I was sitting on the floor, and you were on your bed, and we were talking. And I think maybe dating myself, my gaydar went off (laughs). And I had, like, this hunch, you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I know I asked about your pronouns. And that was the first time you told me that they were he and they, at that time. And now, I don’t really think they is the pronoun you identify with, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I think part of my coming out … there’s definitely like a very common she/her, she/they, they/them, like a shift from, you know, one gender identity, like shifting from female to male. And I think at the time, I kind of included “they” in my pronouns because I was like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to make it difficult for other people. I wanna make this, you know, easy on everyone. If they don’t know my pronouns, like I won’t cry if they call me they,’ but that didn’t last very long, turns out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>I was so happy that you told me and I feel like there was a little bit of excitement, right? There is like this relief. And so then I felt like, OK, we all right. It like bonded us a little bit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Yeah. It might be because I’m older or it might be because of, you know, we’re both queer, a combination of the two, but I definitely think it made us closer because you felt like someone I could rely on as one of, as an older queer person, that I’m super, you now, close to and have known for the past 16 years of my life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>So, can you tell me about your coming out story? How old were you when you came out?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>I was exactly your age. I was 16, it was 1993. And so when I came out, I first came out to my mom, who is a very loving and supportive mother. But back then she didn’t have any friends who had other gay children. She didn’t have any gay friends and I was like the only one. Which might seem bizarre today because it seems like most people know people in the LGBTQ+ community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The way I came out was my mom asked me, ‘Well, you’re not gay, are you?’ \u003cem>[Hunter laughs]\u003c/em> Which is always a great way to set up a question. And instead of confirming that I was not, I told her that, well, actually I was.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And for me, there was a ton of shame, because as supportive as my mom wanted to be, she was shocked and disappointed. And so I could feel that. And… It felt like immediately I was on this island by myself. And so I kind of carry that experience with me. And I think that it relates or I assume that a lot of trans kids and coming out kind of feel a little bit like that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Yeah, I think I felt a similar way with my dad, who now is such a big supporter of me, but he had a very different upbringing than me, and doesn’t know any other parents with trans kids, I think, which makes it a bit harder.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So there was definitely a lot of, you know, shock and how do I feel about this and, you know, what are the next steps? But I think you were really helpful with that because my parents did know queer people, mostly, like, gay people or lesbian people, but regardless queer, so it really could have been worse. I’m very grateful for, you know, my community. I have a lot of family that lives locally who I’m really close to.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> Awesome. I will say one thing that’s been really exciting, I guess, to see and watch is how you have come out and I’ve learned so much from you and I actually feel like you’ve been so inspirational to me even and I kind of look back and I think, ‘Oh my gosh, I wish I had the courage that you had when I came out,’ because you’re so authentic and you’re so yourself and you don’t feel that you have to fit a certain mold which I think is extremely powerful, to say that you’re trans this is how you feel, this is who you are And I think that that has been something that’s been really powerful for me to watch and learn and actually even help me be more authentic person even at this age.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Thank you so much.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> So I think about like what an amazing human you are and all of your interests and things that you do. What would you say your superpower is?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>I would say my superpower is being creative. I’m really into art, I’m into fashion, and I think that helps me express my identity in creative ways. I am not super worried about being the most masculine person on earth. I love just wearing what I think is cute. I love fashion, I love creating art and writing about who I am, and I wouldn’t have it any way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> I totally agree, especially with your fits. You are a little bit of a fashionista, so I can always get some tips from you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>So, one of the other things I want to talk about is what has someone in your life done to make you feel supported in your identity?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> I think, honestly, that your mom was the most supportive person in my life, that was kind of a rock, like my rock of Gibraltar.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I remember when I came out to your mom. We were parked out in front of her house in my 1979 baby blue Monte Carlo. I was dropping her off at night and I was so nervous. And back in that day, you kind of prefaced it with like, ‘Well, I think I’m bisexual. I don’t know, you know, I don’t really know if I’m totally gay.’ And your mom was like, ‘Yeah, I know, I’m not surprised,’ and I think I was more shocked. And then after that was in high school.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I think just having one person in your life that was just not embarrassed, like would be by my side. It was kind of like having this confidence kick by you. And that made actually a really significant difference. Somebody that was like open and go to gay pride parades with me and go out to places. I think that was the most helpful thing to have in my life especially at the beginning when I was younger.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Do you have somebody in your life? I mean, I’m curious what somebody has done to make you feel really supported through all this.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>When I came out to my grandmother, instead of questioning anything, she’s a very solution-oriented person, and she was immediately like, ‘OK, so what does that mean? Like, what should we do?’ And there was no shock or whatever. She was just immediately so supportive of me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And then another thing that someone has done is my dad. I had to get my passport renewed, and there was a little option to change your gender marker, and he was like, ‘OK, do you want to change it to male?’ So now my passport says male on it, which you know feels so great and it feels really affirming, especially coming from my dad when our relationship was a little bit rocky when I first came out. He’s definitely grown a lot and I’m super proud of him in that way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> Just to clarify, Hunter, this all happened before the election, right? That you did this?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>This was before the election, but this was when we kind of knew that Donald Trump was going to run for president and that with him possibly in office at the time, that that could affect a lot of things related to transgender rights and stuff like that. So…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> I’m happy you did it. It’s like you got in and like that window almost. I’ve been married more than once, but the first time I got married, there was a window right before Prop. 8 came out in California. They were allowing same-sex marriage and there was this window of opportunity that my partner and I seized at the time and went and got married during that window.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Can you explain what Prop. 8 is?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>Yeah, Prop. 8, which the LGBTQ community called “Prop Hate,” was a proposition that was very controversial to ban gay marriage in California. And they did ban gay marriage. And it was several years that gay people were banned from being married. However, those of us who got married in that window where it was legal for a short time were still considered married. I think that a lot of younger people can’t even imagine that could have been illegal and kind of the anti-gay sentiment\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the ’90s, when I came out, and there was a big incident that you’re probably not aware of, there was a big incident with a young guy named Matthew Shepard, who was gay, and he was killed in a homophobic gay hate crime. And that really rocked the gay community at that time. And I think ultimately, hopefully, we now feel safer; however, I think that the trans community may still be in a similar position today, and that I don’t want.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval:\u003c/strong> I still feel a sense of community with all the trans people in this country and in the world, and it’s really sad to see, in my opinion.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>What do you feel is the most difficult thing about where you are being trans youth at like your age or if you could change one thing or one thing that you struggle with, if you’re willing to share.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>I think for me, my biggest issue is in gender dysphoria. So, like, feeling, you know, insecure about my voice, feeling insecure about my body. Luckily, I’ve been gifted with height, so…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> Mm-hmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval:\u003c/strong> I know that’s an issue for a lot of, especially trans men. I love feeling confident in myself, but there are days where I do not feel confident. So yeah, it is hard, but it has gotten easier. And I hope that all trans people, especially the ones who are planning on coming out or just came out. I hope they know it does, it does get easier. And you know, I used to hate being trans, but now I love it. I have made so many friends and so many connections this way and gotten so much closer to my family too, which is really amazing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> That’s awesome.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>What do you hope the future looks like for trans people or queer people in general?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> In my perfect world, I hope that it’s NBD, it’s like no big deal, that people have parents who are trans, children who are trans, everybody knows somebody. And it’s just become pretty much mainstream and acceptable. That coming out isn’t a big deal, that trans people have all the same rights that non-trans people have. The other thing is I want the future to be safe for trans and non-binary kids. And I think that it’s still unfortunately not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What do you want your future to look like?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval:\u003c/strong> Um, I feel the same way. I think, you know, being trans has, of course it’s a big deal, but I wish it didn’t feel like such a big deal. I wish I just felt like, you now, another fun thing about me instead of my whole identity? I’m so much more than being trans and being trans is really hard and it could be so much easier, you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One thing that I really wish people would understand is that it’s OK to be confused when someone comes out, but it’s not an excuse to invalidate them. It’s OK for things to change. It’s OK that things weren’t like how they were when you were a kid and you know, the least you can do when someone comes out is just say, OK, I’m here for you, and I promise you the person coming out to you is having a harder time than you receiving the news.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> That is so true, Hunter. I actually was thinking that. I was like, well, for as much as it makes some people uncomfortable, it’s so much more uncomfortable being on the coming out side. It’s really difficult. I do think that you are a bit of a pioneer. Whether you want to be or not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I look back, and I kind of think, maybe I was a little bit of a pioneer. And there were a lot of people who were not accepting of gays, lesbians, let alone trans back then. And I think that I was able to change a lot of people’s minds as they got to know me. And it’s really important to come out because once people actually know that the people that they love and care about are LGBTQ, that’s when you change minds. And I’m really proud of you. It does take a lot of courage and I really hope that by you coming out now, I really believe that you’re changing a lot of people’s minds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>Thank you so much. And I really agree with that. I think a lot of the people who have come out too, like that I’m not super close to, but people still in my life, like my parents’ friends or whatever, I might be one of the first trans people that they’ve met and it feels really good to just be around them and be myself and help them understand, I’m still the same person as I was before I came out. It’s just you know, a slight shift in what pronoun you use for me, but besides that, I’m still me, you know?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini: \u003c/strong>Yep.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stovall: \u003c/strong>I think everyone should have a Shirin in their life. Like an older role model who’s also your friend, who you can tell anything and you know they won’t tell your parents unless you ask them to and they’re there to advocate for you and call you when you need anything. Just having that mentor-friend combination is just, you know, so perfect, so.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music bridge\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Shirin Amini:\u003c/strong> Well, I love you with all my heart, always will, no matter what. And I wish everyone had a Hunter in their life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hunter Stoval: \u003c/strong>You’re so sweet. (laughs)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Music comes out\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Sasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>16-year-old Hunter Stoval in conversation with his special Aunty, Shirin Amini as part of our series \u003cem>Love You for You\u003c/em> where transgender and nonbinary kids are talking with people who love and support them and help them to thrive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Next week a conversation between kids and their grandparents…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Older sister: What do you want people who are targeting trans kids right now to know about your grandkid? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Grandpa: \u003c/em>\u003cem>Just about how special she is. That you gotta know the person.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Upbeat music in\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>\u003cbr>\n\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>\u003cbr>\nSasha Khokha: \u003c/strong>That’s next week on the California Report Magazine.\u003cbr>\nThe interviews in our Love You for You series were produced by Tessa Paoli and Suzie Racho. Our senior editor is Victoria Mauleon. Our engineer is Brendan Willard. Srishti Prabha is our intern. Special thanks to Tuck Woodstock, host of the \u003ca href=\"https://www.genderpodcast.com/\">Gender Reveal podcas\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"https://www.genderpodcast.com/\">t,\u003c/a> for all his help on the series.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Special thanks to KQED’s Jen Chien, Katie Sprenger, Ana de Almeida Amaral and Anna Vignet for their help on the series.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I’m Sasha Khokha of the California Report Magazine, Your State, Your stories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cp>The Tenderloin has the highest concentration of children in San Francisco.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s also a tough place for families because they have to navigate homeless encampments and open-air drug use on the sidewalks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When October rolls around, child care centers in the neighborhood usually take young kids to a pumpkin patch miles away, to the Sunset District or Half Moon Bay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This year, the staff at Compass Family Services considered chartering a bus for the annual autumn journey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“But every time you rent a bus to go on a field trip, that’s a couple thousand dollars, even if it’s nearby,” said Erica Kisch, CEO of the nonprofit organization. “And then I started to think about it and was like, ‘Why do we have to go to the Sunset for a pumpkin patch?’ Let’s host a pumpkin patch here.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When she asked a few organizations to sponsor an autumn festival for kids in the Tenderloin, they responded with gusto.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12062173\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12062173\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-04-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1334\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-04-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-04-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-04-KQED-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Children pick out pumpkins in front of Trick-or-Treat Lane at the pumpkin patch festival at Civic Center in San Francisco on Oct. 29, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The city’s police department donated a bouncy house, the San Francisco Opera offered puppets and music, jugglers and magicians raised their hands, and a few players from the Golden State Valkyries women’s basketball team wanted to meet the kids.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was kind of incredible how much interest and enthusiasm and support we got,” Kisch said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And so on Wednesday, about 800 children converged on Civic Center Plaza to pick their own decorative gourd, get their face painted, jump in a bouncy house, and get treats like beignets from Brenda’s French Soul Food.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12062176\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12062176\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-07-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1334\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-07-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-07-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-07-KQED-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Children play in a bounce house at the pumpkin patch festival at Civic Center in San Francisco on Oct. 29, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“We donated about 150 beignets to this event. They are almost gone. Everyone is loving it,” Alicia Stamps, the restaurant’s general manager, said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stamps said the festival gave everyone a chance to come together during uncertain times.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As the federal shutdown drags on, the Trump administration will stop funding the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, or SNAP, when funds run out Saturday.[aside postID=news_12056592 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250918-TLICECREAM-04-BL-KQED.jpg']That will affect some 112,000 San Francisco residents’ access to food in November.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think it’s important for each of us to show up for one another, for the community, to let people know that they are not alone, that we see them and that we are with them,” Stamps said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kisch said she started planning the festival a month and half ago, and when the government shutdown began on Oct. 1 she worried whether moving forward with it was “tone deaf.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“But I kind of keep going back to the importance of joy as a form of resilience, and we’re not going to sacrifice one for the other,” she said. “We’re going to feed our families, and we’re also going to have some fun.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Saucy Fainga stumbled onto the pumpkin patch when she was on her way to the farmer’s market with her 1-year-old daughter, Reign.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12062175\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12062175\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-06-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1334\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-06-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-06-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-06-KQED-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Per Sia reads children’s books at the pumpkin patch festival at Civic Center in San Francisco on Oct. 29, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“My husband and I were literally just talking about how far we have to go to visit a pumpkin patch,” Fainga said. “I’m so glad I found this.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She said she planned to come back with the rest of her family to take photos on a haystack positioned in front of City Hall and the inflatable marshmallow man from the “Ghostbusters” movies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Other parents walked through the Tenderloin with their kids and teachers from GLIDE’s Family, Youth and Childcare Center to get to the festival.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Patrice Clark, a supervisor at the center, said she was glad they got to feel safe walking in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12062174\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12062174\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-05-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1334\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-05-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-05-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-05-KQED-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Sarah Abdulla (center) accompanies her child’s elementary school class through Trick-or-Treat Lane at the pumpkin patch festival at Civic Center in San Francisco on Oct. 29, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“Parents rush through because they’re nervous about walking through their community,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Clark hopes the experience empowers parents to take back the streets and lets kids feel a greater sense of belonging.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Because we live in the Tenderloin and it has a bad rap, they still have a right to feel proud about where they go to school and where they live,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This year, the staff at Compass Family Services considered chartering a bus for the annual autumn journey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“But every time you rent a bus to go on a field trip, that’s a couple thousand dollars, even if it’s nearby,” said Erica Kisch, CEO of the nonprofit organization. “And then I started to think about it and was like, ‘Why do we have to go to the Sunset for a pumpkin patch?’ Let’s host a pumpkin patch here.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When she asked a few organizations to sponsor an autumn festival for kids in the Tenderloin, they responded with gusto.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12062173\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12062173\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-04-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1334\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-04-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-04-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-04-KQED-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Children pick out pumpkins in front of Trick-or-Treat Lane at the pumpkin patch festival at Civic Center in San Francisco on Oct. 29, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The city’s police department donated a bouncy house, the San Francisco Opera offered puppets and music, jugglers and magicians raised their hands, and a few players from the Golden State Valkyries women’s basketball team wanted to meet the kids.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was kind of incredible how much interest and enthusiasm and support we got,” Kisch said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And so on Wednesday, about 800 children converged on Civic Center Plaza to pick their own decorative gourd, get their face painted, jump in a bouncy house, and get treats like beignets from Brenda’s French Soul Food.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12062176\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12062176\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-07-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1334\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-07-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-07-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-07-KQED-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Children play in a bounce house at the pumpkin patch festival at Civic Center in San Francisco on Oct. 29, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“We donated about 150 beignets to this event. They are almost gone. Everyone is loving it,” Alicia Stamps, the restaurant’s general manager, said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stamps said the festival gave everyone a chance to come together during uncertain times.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As the federal shutdown drags on, the Trump administration will stop funding the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, or SNAP, when funds run out Saturday.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>That will affect some 112,000 San Francisco residents’ access to food in November.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think it’s important for each of us to show up for one another, for the community, to let people know that they are not alone, that we see them and that we are with them,” Stamps said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kisch said she started planning the festival a month and half ago, and when the government shutdown began on Oct. 1 she worried whether moving forward with it was “tone deaf.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“But I kind of keep going back to the importance of joy as a form of resilience, and we’re not going to sacrifice one for the other,” she said. “We’re going to feed our families, and we’re also going to have some fun.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Saucy Fainga stumbled onto the pumpkin patch when she was on her way to the farmer’s market with her 1-year-old daughter, Reign.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12062175\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12062175\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-06-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1334\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-06-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-06-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-06-KQED-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Per Sia reads children’s books at the pumpkin patch festival at Civic Center in San Francisco on Oct. 29, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“My husband and I were literally just talking about how far we have to go to visit a pumpkin patch,” Fainga said. “I’m so glad I found this.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She said she planned to come back with the rest of her family to take photos on a haystack positioned in front of City Hall and the inflatable marshmallow man from the “Ghostbusters” movies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Other parents walked through the Tenderloin with their kids and teachers from GLIDE’s Family, Youth and Childcare Center to get to the festival.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Patrice Clark, a supervisor at the center, said she was glad they got to feel safe walking in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12062174\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12062174\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-05-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1334\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-05-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-05-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/251029-PUMPKIN-PATCH-CITY-HALL-MD-05-KQED-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Sarah Abdulla (center) accompanies her child’s elementary school class through Trick-or-Treat Lane at the pumpkin patch festival at Civic Center in San Francisco on Oct. 29, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“Parents rush through because they’re nervous about walking through their community,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Clark hopes the experience empowers parents to take back the streets and lets kids feel a greater sense of belonging.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Because we live in the Tenderloin and it has a bad rap, they still have a right to feel proud about where they go to school and where they live,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>After a yearslong holdup, Alameda County has started distributing funds from Measure C, a 2020 ballot measure that uses a half-cent sales tax to increase access to child care and preschool for the county’s youngest residents. Now, officials from other Bay Area counties are considering doing the same.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Links:\u003c/b>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12055336/alameda-county-is-giving-cash-to-child-care-providers-other-bay-area-counties-are-envious\">Alameda County Is Giving Cash to Child Care Providers. Other Bay Area Counties Are Envious\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ci>Some members of the KQED podcast team are represented by The Screen Actors Guild, American Federation of Television and Radio Artists. San Francisco Northern California Local.\u003c/i>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm?e=KQINC8128644045&light=true\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This transcript is computer-generated. While our team has reviewed it, there are errors.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:01:35] According to federal data, families in the Bay Area face some of the highest costs for child care. We recently put out a survey asking families in the Bay Area how much they pay for childcare and we got some really surprising answers. Some families were telling me that they pay $2,400 per month and it’s not even for full-time childcare. It causes them to have to make some tough choices. Like one parent has left the workforce to care for their kids or they’ve had to move.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:02:25] So Daisy, we’re talking today because Alameda County is throwing a bunch of money into the child care system. Where is this money coming from?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:02:34] So the money is coming from a half-cent sales tax known as Measure C, and it was something that voters passed more than five years ago to increase access to child care and preschool and also health care for the county’s youngest residents. The tax is expected to generate about $150 million per year, but a taxpayer group’s lawsuit, held up the money until recently. What’s interesting is that during these years of litigation, the county went ahead to collect the tax and placed it in a trust, so that money grew to about a billion dollars.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:03:14] Oh wow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:03:14] Mm-hmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:03:15] And now we’re at a point where this money is actually being distributed, right? Who are some of the people who are benefiting from this tax?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:03:27] It’s going into the hands of child care providers who are at risk of closing their doors. It could be a small business owner who rents a daycare out of their home, or it could be big child care center.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:03:41] All the money I earn is for my daycare. It goes back in my day care.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:03:46] Lisa Zarodney is a family child care provider. She’s been providing care out of her home in Livermore for the last 27 years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:03:55] I love what I do and I’ve been doing it for song because I love it not because I make money off of it because I don’t pay myself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:04:03] What did she tell you about, I guess, what the last few years as a child care worker has been like for her, especially since the pandemic?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:04:13] Fewer kids were coming to her home during the pandemic. And then I think even after the reopening, a lot of parents who were working from home kept their kids at home as well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:04:24] And slowly but surely, a lot of these providers, including myself, are in jeopardy of closing their doors because we just can’t catch up from\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:04:36] And then there was this new program in California called Transitional Kindergarten, so some of the older kids, the four-year-olds, there are families who are choosing to take their kids out of her program and putting their kids in free school, right, public school. All those things made her programs under-enrolled, so she was losing money, but at the same she had to, you know, continue paying for her rent, her utilities. All the expenses that come with running a business out of your home. She said her credit card bill, she racked up up to $50,000 in credit card, and the way she was also just managing to get through this difficult financial period was drawing from her late husband’s insurance and retirement fund.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:05:28] But on the back end, I have to pay taxes on that. I can’t do anything with my own family and my own grandkids because I don’t have the money to enjoy a life outside of just taking care of kids.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:05:42] Daisy first interviewed Lisa back in March of this year, when the funds from Alameda County’s Measure C were still being held up by lawsuits. But this summer, five years after voters passed Measure C, the County Board of Supervisors approved a plan to spend the money. And in August, Lisa finally got the help she needed. Daisy checked back in with her once she got the money So she’s among the folks who Measure C is supposed to help, it sounds like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:06:21] How much money did she get from Measure C and what did she say about how it helped her?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:06:28] The county started issuing big checks. They are one-time emergency grants ranging from $40,000 to $100,000 depending on the type of child care provider. She received a $40,000 check in the mail.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:06:44] It was amazing. I couldn’t get the smile off my face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:06:48] You know, it didn’t completely reduce her credit card bill, but it reduced it to a manageable level because now the kids are coming back.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:06:56] I just needed that one check. I got it. And now I can get new toys for the kids. I can outside stuff for the toys for kids. I can pay my back credit card bill that I’ve been paying on and living on. The interest alone will kill you. So it’s just so many things that are starting to come together. Mostly part of that is because of measure C.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:07:20] She told me it was relief, it helped her stabilize and it took a huge burden off her shoulder.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:07:29] It was like finally something went right. After everything that I went through and with the possibility of shutting down and all the emotions, it was finally gonna be okay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:07:42] How does the money given to people like Lisa, how does that trickle down to helping parents who are paying for childcare in the Bay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:07:53] Well for Lisa, she thought she was going to have to close her business by the end of this year because she was facing so much debt. And a person like her leaving the field, it just creates more fragility in the system. What’s special about in-home daycare providers is that they are caring for kids sometimes around the clock or during weekends or evenings hours. So that really accommodate parents who might work a night shift. Those are the parents who really rely on that type of service. And when there are fewer of providers like Lisa, then parents are really in a better place.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:08:38] And it makes whatever childcare options are left more expensive, it sounds like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:08:45] It costs a lot of money.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:08:52] Coming up, the other Bay Area counties looking for a local solution to the childcare crisis. Stay with us. How unique is what Alameda County is doing to address the childcare crisis in the county.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:09:18] Alameda is not the only county doing this. It’s just the latest county in the Bay Area to distribute money from a dedicated tax. San Francisco has been doing the same, and for longer, it uses funds from a commercial property tax to offer families free or subsidized childcare, to add more childcare facilities, and to pay early educators a living wage. Sonoma County is also doing the same. It’s starting to spend funds from a quarter cent sales tax to offer some grants to early educators and to improve childcare facilities. Why are these local governments turning to tax measures in particular? These local governments are turning to local tax measures because state funding has declined. California has long used a tobacco tax to fund early childhood services, but as you know, that tax has declined as tobacco use has also declined. Federal funding for early childhood programs like Head Start are, you know, facing an uncertain future under the current Trump administration. So you know those are reasons why counties are looking for local solutions to make child care more affordable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:10:44] Well, are other Bay Area counties interested in doing what Alameda County and I guess some of these other municipalities are doing to help the system of child care?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:10:58] In the Bay Area? Yeah, like Measure C in Alameda County or Baby Prop C in San Francisco, they’re seen as models for other counties that are looking for a local solution. In places like Marin County, like the cost of an infant care at a center has risen to $32,000 per year. Oh my gosh, that’s crazy. It is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eric Lucan \u003c/strong>[00:11:22] We’ve seen successful measures in San Francisco, in Alameda, in Sonoma County and there’s lots of questions around Moran if that’s the path to go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:11:33] Eric Lucan is a Marin County supervisor. He’s also a dad. He has two young kids.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eric Lucan \u003c/strong>[00:11:40] On average, almost $2,000 a month is what we were paying. There was about a five-month period of time when my wife and I were paying that for both kids at the same time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:11:52] He wants to place a child care funding tax on next year’s ballot. He was also involved in a similar effort in 2016, which failed. But he thinks this time the issue is gaining political momentum in Marin because child care costs has just become so expensive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jackie Speier \u003c/strong>[00:12:11] They’re choking on their costs and if they can’t make it here, they’re going to leave.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:12:18] Jackie Speier is a supervisor in San Mateo County. She’s been really focused on the high cost of childcare in San Matteo County, because she’s also a grandmother and she’s seeing her children grapple with trying to find affordable and available childcare.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jackie Speier \u003c/strong>[00:12:40] And in San Mateo County, there’s an annual loss of about $80 million due to childcare pickups that a family has. There’s about $775 million of lost economic productivity. So this is economic survival for our county.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:12:59] There was a countywide survey that found more than 45% of parents left the workforce to care for their children. I’m sure most of those were moms too. So that’s like women leaving the workforce. Jackie Spear told me that she wants to copy Alameda’s sales tax model, but she’s worried about putting it on next year’s ballot because it may wind up competing with a potential sales tax measure to fund the Bay Area’s crippling transit system.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jackie Speier \u003c/strong>[00:13:32] My goal was to put the sales tax on the ballot in next November. I may still try to do that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:13:39] I mean, it seems like there’s a lot of momentum around support, like local governments trying to support the childcare systems in their respective counties. Do we have any sense yet if the ones that exist now are helping?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:13:55] Since San Francisco has been at the forefront of investing in early childhood education, one of the impacts of that investment is that it’s seen an increase in kindergarten readiness. And the research shows that when kids have the basic social, behavioral, and cognitive skills for kindergarten, they tend to do well in later grades. And so it’s a really important measuring stick. And for San Francisco, they’ve really seen that rise. The state offers subsidized childcare to families who make below a certain income amount. And it comes through this general fund, which can fluctuate from year to year. And so counties are looking for a local solution to make childcare more affordable. And to do that, they have to create a dedicated funding stream locally.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>After a yearslong holdup, Alameda County has started distributing funds from Measure C, a 2020 ballot measure that uses a half-cent sales tax to increase access to child care and preschool for the county’s youngest residents. Now, officials from other Bay Area counties are considering doing the same.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>Links:\u003c/b>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12055336/alameda-county-is-giving-cash-to-child-care-providers-other-bay-area-counties-are-envious\">Alameda County Is Giving Cash to Child Care Providers. Other Bay Area Counties Are Envious\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ci>Some members of the KQED podcast team are represented by The Screen Actors Guild, American Federation of Television and Radio Artists. San Francisco Northern California Local.\u003c/i>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm?e=KQINC8128644045&light=true\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This transcript is computer-generated. While our team has reviewed it, there are errors.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:01:35] According to federal data, families in the Bay Area face some of the highest costs for child care. We recently put out a survey asking families in the Bay Area how much they pay for childcare and we got some really surprising answers. Some families were telling me that they pay $2,400 per month and it’s not even for full-time childcare. It causes them to have to make some tough choices. Like one parent has left the workforce to care for their kids or they’ve had to move.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:02:25] So Daisy, we’re talking today because Alameda County is throwing a bunch of money into the child care system. Where is this money coming from?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:02:34] So the money is coming from a half-cent sales tax known as Measure C, and it was something that voters passed more than five years ago to increase access to child care and preschool and also health care for the county’s youngest residents. The tax is expected to generate about $150 million per year, but a taxpayer group’s lawsuit, held up the money until recently. What’s interesting is that during these years of litigation, the county went ahead to collect the tax and placed it in a trust, so that money grew to about a billion dollars.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:03:14] Oh wow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:03:14] Mm-hmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:03:15] And now we’re at a point where this money is actually being distributed, right? Who are some of the people who are benefiting from this tax?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:03:27] It’s going into the hands of child care providers who are at risk of closing their doors. It could be a small business owner who rents a daycare out of their home, or it could be big child care center.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:03:41] All the money I earn is for my daycare. It goes back in my day care.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:03:46] Lisa Zarodney is a family child care provider. She’s been providing care out of her home in Livermore for the last 27 years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:03:55] I love what I do and I’ve been doing it for song because I love it not because I make money off of it because I don’t pay myself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:04:03] What did she tell you about, I guess, what the last few years as a child care worker has been like for her, especially since the pandemic?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:04:13] Fewer kids were coming to her home during the pandemic. And then I think even after the reopening, a lot of parents who were working from home kept their kids at home as well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:04:24] And slowly but surely, a lot of these providers, including myself, are in jeopardy of closing their doors because we just can’t catch up from\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:04:36] And then there was this new program in California called Transitional Kindergarten, so some of the older kids, the four-year-olds, there are families who are choosing to take their kids out of her program and putting their kids in free school, right, public school. All those things made her programs under-enrolled, so she was losing money, but at the same she had to, you know, continue paying for her rent, her utilities. All the expenses that come with running a business out of your home. She said her credit card bill, she racked up up to $50,000 in credit card, and the way she was also just managing to get through this difficult financial period was drawing from her late husband’s insurance and retirement fund.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:05:28] But on the back end, I have to pay taxes on that. I can’t do anything with my own family and my own grandkids because I don’t have the money to enjoy a life outside of just taking care of kids.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:05:42] Daisy first interviewed Lisa back in March of this year, when the funds from Alameda County’s Measure C were still being held up by lawsuits. But this summer, five years after voters passed Measure C, the County Board of Supervisors approved a plan to spend the money. And in August, Lisa finally got the help she needed. Daisy checked back in with her once she got the money So she’s among the folks who Measure C is supposed to help, it sounds like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:06:21] How much money did she get from Measure C and what did she say about how it helped her?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:06:28] The county started issuing big checks. They are one-time emergency grants ranging from $40,000 to $100,000 depending on the type of child care provider. She received a $40,000 check in the mail.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:06:44] It was amazing. I couldn’t get the smile off my face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:06:48] You know, it didn’t completely reduce her credit card bill, but it reduced it to a manageable level because now the kids are coming back.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:06:56] I just needed that one check. I got it. And now I can get new toys for the kids. I can outside stuff for the toys for kids. I can pay my back credit card bill that I’ve been paying on and living on. The interest alone will kill you. So it’s just so many things that are starting to come together. Mostly part of that is because of measure C.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:07:20] She told me it was relief, it helped her stabilize and it took a huge burden off her shoulder.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lisa Zarodney \u003c/strong>[00:07:29] It was like finally something went right. After everything that I went through and with the possibility of shutting down and all the emotions, it was finally gonna be okay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:07:42] How does the money given to people like Lisa, how does that trickle down to helping parents who are paying for childcare in the Bay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:07:53] Well for Lisa, she thought she was going to have to close her business by the end of this year because she was facing so much debt. And a person like her leaving the field, it just creates more fragility in the system. What’s special about in-home daycare providers is that they are caring for kids sometimes around the clock or during weekends or evenings hours. So that really accommodate parents who might work a night shift. Those are the parents who really rely on that type of service. And when there are fewer of providers like Lisa, then parents are really in a better place.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:08:38] And it makes whatever childcare options are left more expensive, it sounds like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:08:45] It costs a lot of money.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:08:52] Coming up, the other Bay Area counties looking for a local solution to the childcare crisis. Stay with us. How unique is what Alameda County is doing to address the childcare crisis in the county.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:09:18] Alameda is not the only county doing this. It’s just the latest county in the Bay Area to distribute money from a dedicated tax. San Francisco has been doing the same, and for longer, it uses funds from a commercial property tax to offer families free or subsidized childcare, to add more childcare facilities, and to pay early educators a living wage. Sonoma County is also doing the same. It’s starting to spend funds from a quarter cent sales tax to offer some grants to early educators and to improve childcare facilities. Why are these local governments turning to tax measures in particular? These local governments are turning to local tax measures because state funding has declined. California has long used a tobacco tax to fund early childhood services, but as you know, that tax has declined as tobacco use has also declined. Federal funding for early childhood programs like Head Start are, you know, facing an uncertain future under the current Trump administration. So you know those are reasons why counties are looking for local solutions to make child care more affordable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:10:44] Well, are other Bay Area counties interested in doing what Alameda County and I guess some of these other municipalities are doing to help the system of child care?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:10:58] In the Bay Area? Yeah, like Measure C in Alameda County or Baby Prop C in San Francisco, they’re seen as models for other counties that are looking for a local solution. In places like Marin County, like the cost of an infant care at a center has risen to $32,000 per year. Oh my gosh, that’s crazy. It is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eric Lucan \u003c/strong>[00:11:22] We’ve seen successful measures in San Francisco, in Alameda, in Sonoma County and there’s lots of questions around Moran if that’s the path to go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:11:33] Eric Lucan is a Marin County supervisor. He’s also a dad. He has two young kids.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Eric Lucan \u003c/strong>[00:11:40] On average, almost $2,000 a month is what we were paying. There was about a five-month period of time when my wife and I were paying that for both kids at the same time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:11:52] He wants to place a child care funding tax on next year’s ballot. He was also involved in a similar effort in 2016, which failed. But he thinks this time the issue is gaining political momentum in Marin because child care costs has just become so expensive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jackie Speier \u003c/strong>[00:12:11] They’re choking on their costs and if they can’t make it here, they’re going to leave.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:12:18] Jackie Speier is a supervisor in San Mateo County. She’s been really focused on the high cost of childcare in San Matteo County, because she’s also a grandmother and she’s seeing her children grapple with trying to find affordable and available childcare.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jackie Speier \u003c/strong>[00:12:40] And in San Mateo County, there’s an annual loss of about $80 million due to childcare pickups that a family has. There’s about $775 million of lost economic productivity. So this is economic survival for our county.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:12:59] There was a countywide survey that found more than 45% of parents left the workforce to care for their children. I’m sure most of those were moms too. So that’s like women leaving the workforce. Jackie Spear told me that she wants to copy Alameda’s sales tax model, but she’s worried about putting it on next year’s ballot because it may wind up competing with a potential sales tax measure to fund the Bay Area’s crippling transit system.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jackie Speier \u003c/strong>[00:13:32] My goal was to put the sales tax on the ballot in next November. I may still try to do that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Ericka Cruz Guevarra \u003c/strong>[00:13:39] I mean, it seems like there’s a lot of momentum around support, like local governments trying to support the childcare systems in their respective counties. Do we have any sense yet if the ones that exist now are helping?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy Nguyen \u003c/strong>[00:13:55] Since San Francisco has been at the forefront of investing in early childhood education, one of the impacts of that investment is that it’s seen an increase in kindergarten readiness. And the research shows that when kids have the basic social, behavioral, and cognitive skills for kindergarten, they tend to do well in later grades. And so it’s a really important measuring stick. And for San Francisco, they’ve really seen that rise. The state offers subsidized childcare to families who make below a certain income amount. And it comes through this general fund, which can fluctuate from year to year. And so counties are looking for a local solution to make childcare more affordable. And to do that, they have to create a dedicated funding stream locally.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>For the first time ever, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/early-childhood-education-and-care\">early childhood educators\u003c/a> will have a seat on the influential board that sets standards for public school teachers across California.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Under a bill signed by Gov. Gavin Newsom last week, Oct. 1, the California Commission on Teacher Credentialing’s 15 voting members will include two who have experience and expertise in the early years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They will include a teacher who works at a state-funded preschool or pre-kindergarten program, and a college or university faculty member who teaches child development or early childhood education, often referred to as ECE.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Assm. Al Muratsuchi, who sponsored the bill, called it a “long overdue measure that will ensure that ECE educators, administrators, and the faculty who prepare them have a voice on issues of direct consequence to them and the families they serve.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The commission sets standards for teachers and issues permits and credentials for them to work in classrooms, including a new credential to teach pre-kindergarten through third grade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11988311\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-11988311\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut.jpg\" alt=\"Several young children play with toys on tables on a court outside.\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut.jpg 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Children play at Lincoln Square Park in Oakland on May 24 during an event featuring the city’s new mobile Head Start classroom. \u003ccite>(Gina Castro/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The PK-3 credential was established last year to meet growing demand for transitional kindergarten teachers, but advocates criticized the commission for developing the standards without seriously considering the input of early childhood educators.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of times, early educators are the last to be brought onto initiatives like the PK-3 credential, which already had momentum behind it by the time [they] were asked to contribute to what was being designed,” said Tony Ayala, a professor of child development and family studies at Solano Community College. He advocated for the bill on behalf of \u003ca href=\"https://www.peach4ece.org/\">PEACH\u003c/a>, a group of California academics focused on developing the early care and education workforce.[aside postID=news_12055336 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250911-ALAMEDASCHILDCARETAX-06-BL-KQED.jpg']Critics of the credential said it set \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12033209/california-needs-transitional-kindergarten-teachers-preschool-teachers-want-in\">tough barriers for early educators\u003c/a> who already have experience teaching young kids in private or nonprofit-based preschools.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Right now, early childhood educators are being locked out of teaching TK because of the credentialing process,” said Elena Montoya, associate director of research and policy at UC Berkeley’s Center for the Study of Child Care Employment. “We applaud this new action by the governor and legislature to bring their experience and voices to the commission.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ayala called the law a huge win for early childhood educators, most of whom are women of color who work in childcare and preschool settings, and could stand to earn higher wages and benefits if they have a smoother pathway toward teaching in TK classrooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Despite their critical role in supporting California’s children and families, these professionals have historically been marginalized and given limited opportunities to influence policy decisions,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Assm. Al Muratsuchi, who sponsored the bill, called it a “long overdue measure that will ensure that ECE educators, administrators, and the faculty who prepare them have a voice on issues of direct consequence to them and the families they serve.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The commission sets standards for teachers and issues permits and credentials for them to work in classrooms, including a new credential to teach pre-kindergarten through third grade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11988311\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-11988311\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut.jpg\" alt=\"Several young children play with toys on tables on a court outside.\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut.jpg 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2024/05/20240524_MobileHeadStart-39_qut-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Children play at Lincoln Square Park in Oakland on May 24 during an event featuring the city’s new mobile Head Start classroom. \u003ccite>(Gina Castro/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The PK-3 credential was established last year to meet growing demand for transitional kindergarten teachers, but advocates criticized the commission for developing the standards without seriously considering the input of early childhood educators.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of times, early educators are the last to be brought onto initiatives like the PK-3 credential, which already had momentum behind it by the time [they] were asked to contribute to what was being designed,” said Tony Ayala, a professor of child development and family studies at Solano Community College. He advocated for the bill on behalf of \u003ca href=\"https://www.peach4ece.org/\">PEACH\u003c/a>, a group of California academics focused on developing the early care and education workforce.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>Critics of the credential said it set \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12033209/california-needs-transitional-kindergarten-teachers-preschool-teachers-want-in\">tough barriers for early educators\u003c/a> who already have experience teaching young kids in private or nonprofit-based preschools.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Right now, early childhood educators are being locked out of teaching TK because of the credentialing process,” said Elena Montoya, associate director of research and policy at UC Berkeley’s Center for the Study of Child Care Employment. “We applaud this new action by the governor and legislature to bring their experience and voices to the commission.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ayala called the law a huge win for early childhood educators, most of whom are women of color who work in childcare and preschool settings, and could stand to earn higher wages and benefits if they have a smoother pathway toward teaching in TK classrooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Despite their critical role in supporting California’s children and families, these professionals have historically been marginalized and given limited opportunities to influence policy decisions,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>Months after the playground at San Francisco’s Lafayette Elementary School was destroyed in \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12041470/suspicious-playground-fires-parents-neighbors-sfs-outer-richmond-on-edge\">a suspicious fire\u003c/a>, students, parents and teachers gathered Wednesday morning to celebrate the unveiling of a replacement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The school’s original playground was destroyed by a May 18 fire, which was the second to break out at the school that month and the third in a string of fires in the Outer Richmond that left residents on edge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The first happened on May 1 outside the elementary school, when a storage container filled with PTA supplies was found on fire.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On May 10, a fire burned a small hole through one of the slides at nearby Lincoln Park. Just over a week later, the second Lafayette Elementary fire broke out on the school playground, leaving behind only rubble and ash.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The San Francisco Police Department arrested a suspect in relation to the fires on May 26, but it said in a \u003ca href=\"https://www.sanfranciscopolice.org/news/sfpd-arrests-arson-suspect-richmond-district-25-067\">press release\u003c/a> two days later that the investigation remains active and open. SFPD did not immediately respond to a request for an update on the investigation on Wednesday.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Trip Seibold, a father of two students at the school, found out about the fire when he dropped his kids off at school that morning.[aside postID=news_12041864 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/05/SFPlayground2-1020x765.jpg'] “How could this happen? Why did this happen? That’s what all the students and parents in the community were feeling,” he said\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While the school staff did a great job of ensuring that the kids could engage in other activities the past few months, he said, his kids are excited to have their old playground back. But he’s concerned that the arson case is unresolved.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Parents and school officials had a meeting on Monday morning where questions regarding the investigation went unanswered, Seibold said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think more transparency about what is the current state of the investigation being shared with the community at large, that’s really all I think what most parents want,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco Unified School District Superintendent Maria Su said the destruction of the playground was traumatic for the school community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was very painful to see the ashes and to see the play yard in shambles,” she said. “It was melted down, it was dark. There was soot and dirt everywhere, and it really hurt.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The playground was rebuilt four months after it was destroyed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Parents and volunteers helped clean up what was left by the fire. Afterward, they decorated the playground’s fence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We as a community came together over the last three months to rally all our officials, state leaders, local leaders, to fast-track this project for our students,” Su said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Months after the playground at San Francisco’s Lafayette Elementary School was destroyed in \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12041470/suspicious-playground-fires-parents-neighbors-sfs-outer-richmond-on-edge\">a suspicious fire\u003c/a>, students, parents and teachers gathered Wednesday morning to celebrate the unveiling of a replacement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The school’s original playground was destroyed by a May 18 fire, which was the second to break out at the school that month and the third in a string of fires in the Outer Richmond that left residents on edge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The first happened on May 1 outside the elementary school, when a storage container filled with PTA supplies was found on fire.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On May 10, a fire burned a small hole through one of the slides at nearby Lincoln Park. Just over a week later, the second Lafayette Elementary fire broke out on the school playground, leaving behind only rubble and ash.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The San Francisco Police Department arrested a suspect in relation to the fires on May 26, but it said in a \u003ca href=\"https://www.sanfranciscopolice.org/news/sfpd-arrests-arson-suspect-richmond-district-25-067\">press release\u003c/a> two days later that the investigation remains active and open. SFPD did not immediately respond to a request for an update on the investigation on Wednesday.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Trip Seibold, a father of two students at the school, found out about the fire when he dropped his kids off at school that morning.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp> “How could this happen? Why did this happen? That’s what all the students and parents in the community were feeling,” he said\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While the school staff did a great job of ensuring that the kids could engage in other activities the past few months, he said, his kids are excited to have their old playground back. But he’s concerned that the arson case is unresolved.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Parents and school officials had a meeting on Monday morning where questions regarding the investigation went unanswered, Seibold said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think more transparency about what is the current state of the investigation being shared with the community at large, that’s really all I think what most parents want,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco Unified School District Superintendent Maria Su said the destruction of the playground was traumatic for the school community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was very painful to see the ashes and to see the play yard in shambles,” she said. “It was melted down, it was dark. There was soot and dirt everywhere, and it really hurt.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The playground was rebuilt four months after it was destroyed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Parents and volunteers helped clean up what was left by the fire. Afterward, they decorated the playground’s fence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We as a community came together over the last three months to rally all our officials, state leaders, local leaders, to fast-track this project for our students,” Su said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/alameda-county\">Alameda County’s\u003c/a> Department of Children and Family Services regularly fails to investigate allegations of child abuse and neglect in a timely manner, leaving children in potentially unsafe situations, according to a new state report.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a \u003ca href=\"https://www.auditor.ca.gov/reports/2024-108/\">report\u003c/a> released Tuesday, state auditor Grant Parks found the department often did not start investigations within the required timeframe, failed to adequately report critical incidents at its Transitional Shelter Care Facility and did not ensure foster youth received necessary physical and mental health services promptly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Until the department addresses these significant shortcomings, it cannot ensure that it is taking sufficient action to address the health and safety needs of Alameda County’s youth,” Parks wrote.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>State Sen. Aisha Wahab, D-Fremont, requested the audit last year amid ongoing concerns about the county’s foster care system, which has faced criticism after several high-profile cases where officials seemingly failed to act despite repeated warnings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I am requesting this audit due to years of issues within the Department of Children and Family Services within Alameda County’s Social Services Agency, especially concerning foster youth,” Wahab wrote in April 2024. “There are clear systemic failures and a lack of administrative planning to support foster youth with emerging and complex needs.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The 2022 death of 8-year-old Sophia Mason drew criticism from family members and advocates after social workers reportedly missed multiple warnings of possible physical and sexual abuse. A \u003ca href=\"https://www.mercurynews.com/2023/04/09/this-tragedy-was-avoidable-new-records-show-how-hayward-police-found-8-year-old-sophias-mason-but-it-was-already-too-late/\">Bay Area News Group investigation\u003c/a> found that clinicians at Kaiser Permanente documented bruising and possible cigarette burns roughly six months before her death, but a social worker later concluded the concerns were unfounded.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11899767\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11899767 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021.jpg\" alt=\"Two people hold hands with late afternoon orange sunlight creating a shadow of the two people on the fence behind them.\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021.jpg 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Two people hold hands with late afternoon orange sunlight creating a shadow on Aug. 23, 2021 \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“As a former foster youth, I know firsthand the difference that social services can make-and the damage when things aren’t up to standard. That is why we requested this audit,” Wahab said in a statement to KQED. “The findings are indisputable: Alameda County Social Services has failed too many children and families who rely on it the most. These are children in vulnerable situations and vulnerable communities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“All kids deserve better, and it is unacceptable for government to fall short in its most basic duty of care. This audit is not the end of the conversation — it is a call to action. We must urgently rebuild trust, deliver accountability, and ensure every child has the support and protection they need to thrive.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The county’s foster system also faced scrutiny following the 2015 fatal overdose of 3-year-old Mariah Mustafa, who had been returned to her foster home two weeks after being hospitalized for ingesting methamphetamine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Foster youth are some of the most vulnerable people in our community, especially young children,” Alameda County Board of Supervisors President David Haubert said. “We’re going to continue to up the pace of hiring new people, training them to do their job on time and effectively and hold them accountable for doing that.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For immediate referrals, where youth are in imminent danger, investigations must begin within 24 hours. The audit found that the department met that standard in nearly 90% of cases.[aside postID=news_12055336 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/09/250911-ALAMEDASCHILDCARETAX-06-BL-KQED.jpg']For non-immediate referrals, which must begin within 10 days, investigations were started on time in only about half of cases.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Investigations also exceeded the required 30-day completion window. During the 2023–24 fiscal year, the average investigation for half of non-immediate referrals lasted 105 days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Although delays in initiating investigations of the referrals that we selected for review were beyond the department’s control — when, for example, the department was unable to contact a family member after repeated attempts — the department could not always demonstrate why its completion of investigations took so long,” Parks wrote.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The report cited high vacancy rates among child welfare workers as a contributing factor, which doubled from 17% to 34% between the 2019–20 and 2024–25 fiscal years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Parks recommended that the department take several actions by January, including periodic reviews of referrals and timely supervisory review of investigation reports.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Other changes recommended by next October include a staff survey to identify recruitment and retention barriers, increased documentation of service referrals and at least monthly reviews to ensure youth receive services within agreed-upon time frames.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The county’s Social Services Agency, which houses the Department of Children and Family Services, did not return a request for comment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/alameda-county\">Alameda County’s\u003c/a> Department of Children and Family Services regularly fails to investigate allegations of child abuse and neglect in a timely manner, leaving children in potentially unsafe situations, according to a new state report.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a \u003ca href=\"https://www.auditor.ca.gov/reports/2024-108/\">report\u003c/a> released Tuesday, state auditor Grant Parks found the department often did not start investigations within the required timeframe, failed to adequately report critical incidents at its Transitional Shelter Care Facility and did not ensure foster youth received necessary physical and mental health services promptly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Until the department addresses these significant shortcomings, it cannot ensure that it is taking sufficient action to address the health and safety needs of Alameda County’s youth,” Parks wrote.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>State Sen. Aisha Wahab, D-Fremont, requested the audit last year amid ongoing concerns about the county’s foster care system, which has faced criticism after several high-profile cases where officials seemingly failed to act despite repeated warnings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I am requesting this audit due to years of issues within the Department of Children and Family Services within Alameda County’s Social Services Agency, especially concerning foster youth,” Wahab wrote in April 2024. “There are clear systemic failures and a lack of administrative planning to support foster youth with emerging and complex needs.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The 2022 death of 8-year-old Sophia Mason drew criticism from family members and advocates after social workers reportedly missed multiple warnings of possible physical and sexual abuse. A \u003ca href=\"https://www.mercurynews.com/2023/04/09/this-tragedy-was-avoidable-new-records-show-how-hayward-police-found-8-year-old-sophias-mason-but-it-was-already-too-late/\">Bay Area News Group investigation\u003c/a> found that clinicians at Kaiser Permanente documented bruising and possible cigarette burns roughly six months before her death, but a social worker later concluded the concerns were unfounded.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11899767\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11899767 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021.jpg\" alt=\"Two people hold hands with late afternoon orange sunlight creating a shadow of the two people on the fence behind them.\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021.jpg 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/12/026_SanJose_Immigration_08232021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Two people hold hands with late afternoon orange sunlight creating a shadow on Aug. 23, 2021 \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“As a former foster youth, I know firsthand the difference that social services can make-and the damage when things aren’t up to standard. That is why we requested this audit,” Wahab said in a statement to KQED. “The findings are indisputable: Alameda County Social Services has failed too many children and families who rely on it the most. These are children in vulnerable situations and vulnerable communities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“All kids deserve better, and it is unacceptable for government to fall short in its most basic duty of care. This audit is not the end of the conversation — it is a call to action. We must urgently rebuild trust, deliver accountability, and ensure every child has the support and protection they need to thrive.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The county’s foster system also faced scrutiny following the 2015 fatal overdose of 3-year-old Mariah Mustafa, who had been returned to her foster home two weeks after being hospitalized for ingesting methamphetamine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Foster youth are some of the most vulnerable people in our community, especially young children,” Alameda County Board of Supervisors President David Haubert said. “We’re going to continue to up the pace of hiring new people, training them to do their job on time and effectively and hold them accountable for doing that.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For immediate referrals, where youth are in imminent danger, investigations must begin within 24 hours. The audit found that the department met that standard in nearly 90% of cases.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>For non-immediate referrals, which must begin within 10 days, investigations were started on time in only about half of cases.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Investigations also exceeded the required 30-day completion window. During the 2023–24 fiscal year, the average investigation for half of non-immediate referrals lasted 105 days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Although delays in initiating investigations of the referrals that we selected for review were beyond the department’s control — when, for example, the department was unable to contact a family member after repeated attempts — the department could not always demonstrate why its completion of investigations took so long,” Parks wrote.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The report cited high vacancy rates among child welfare workers as a contributing factor, which doubled from 17% to 34% between the 2019–20 and 2024–25 fiscal years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Parks recommended that the department take several actions by January, including periodic reviews of referrals and timely supervisory review of investigation reports.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Other changes recommended by next October include a staff survey to identify recruitment and retention barriers, increased documentation of service referrals and at least monthly reviews to ensure youth receive services within agreed-upon time frames.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The county’s Social Services Agency, which houses the Department of Children and Family Services, did not return a request for comment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"soldout": {
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"title": "SOLD OUT: Rethinking Housing in America",
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