The first time I can remember actually physically abusing a woman I was about 16 years old. I was with a friend of mine and I witnessed him striking his girlfriend. And so I thought that was the right thing to do. So I did the same thing. I struck my girl. When I did she was very surprised. I'll never forget the look on her face when she asked, "Why did you do that?" And I really didn't have an answer. I know it didn't feel right but she didn't leave. She stayed there. So that was the ticket for me to say it was OK.
'It Feels Good to Be Free and to Say These Things'
When I was about 30 years old I fell into a relationship that lasted for about 10 years. I have to admit that I abused her in every fashion of the word "abuse."
There came a time where she told me she wasn't afraid of me anymore. It shocked me because I didn't know what to do. I was losing my form of control, so I threatened her. Matter of fact I threatened her with a gun and she actually went to the police.
That cost me time in prison. While in prison I received a spiritual revelation. I had a chance to look at myself and see the ugliness of myself and who I thought I was and who I was not.
This was in 1998. In the wake of the #MeToo movement I wanted to share my story. I wanted to share the distortion of who I thought women were and that they were to be used.
I realize now this is a time of healing and it feels good to be free to be able to say these things. I can remember that in that 10-year relationship, my protection was for her to be silent. For her not to say anything.
You know I thank the Lord Most High for allowing me to be free enough to speak about the ugliness of that part of me. I really, honestly believe that there are more men that need to see this within themselves.