Q+A with Sloane Crosley

Sloane Crosley, the author behind How Did You Get This Number, recently visited the KQED studios to record an episode of The Writers' Block, which will be released next week (listen to her latest episode as well as her 2008 episode). Until then, get to know her a little better with this Q+A, in which she talks about her rude landlord and which stud she would marry from Full House.

David Sedaris seems to be a huge fan of your work. Is he on yourpayroll? Does your kinship transcend the world of book blurbs into theactual one?

SC: David! David, stop tickling me, I'm trying to answer these nicepeople's questions! What's that? I know, we're going to be late forour daily park-skip...Actually, I've only really had one exchange withhim, but it was so lovely. He's such a generous and brilliant guy.

You've written about bear death and drunk Portuguese clowns. What kindof subject matter can we expect from your next collection?


SC: Bear clowns and dead Portuguese people.

I read somewhere that you're working on a piece of fiction. Who are someof your idols in that realm and what might this book be like?

SC: I am, but who isn't, right? Well, my super, that's who. He's working on not responding to texts regarding my shower drain. Then the othernight, he full-on scolded me for texting him after 8pm to confirm anappointment. Is that poor form, to text in the evening? Mind you, thisis his primary means of communication and one initiated by him. I don'thave his email. It's like: don't even think of picturing my face oncethe sun goes down. Sorry, what? Oh, I love a lot of people living anddead who have written fiction. If I could write one paragraph half asgood as Lorrie Moore, Sam Lipsyte, Jim Shepard, Michael Chabon, DaveEggers or Junot Diaz, I would go ahead and do that.

In an interview you gave a couple of years back, you eulogized the deathof slap bracelets. What other relics of your youth do you miss? Whatkind of kid were you?

SC: A short one. And probably one of those kids thatseems like an 80-year-old trapped in an 8-year-old. I missJELLO 1-2-3. God knows what they put in the gelatin to make it splitinto three different textures in your refrigerator.

You've called lying "conversational oil." What's the biggest lie youever told and did you get away with it?

Sloane Crosley: I'm sure I tell some doozies to myself. I can't think of them, they're so embedded in who I am. The most constant is likely pretending not to speak English around insane cab drivers.

Do, Dump, or Marry (Full House edition): Uncle Jessie, Danny Tanner,Uncle Joey. Please explain your choices.

SC: Uncle Joey gets dumped. Clearly. In life, Ialways go for the clown. But with the same force, I flee from theunfunny clown. Plus, I remember a great deal of tropical shirts forhis character. The accuracy of this is irrelevant since it's how I thinkof him. But here's the twist -- I would do Danny Tanner and marry UncleJessie. I think Danny would secretly be amazing in that regard, but thatcould be influenced by what the world knows of comedian Bob Sagetpost-Full House. Similarly with Uncle Jessie. Hi: Stamos. What wasgood enough for Rebecca for a few years is good enough for me and likelyfor the same duration of time. I would not be signing a prenup,needless to say. But as for the characters themselves: Danny Tanner hasbeen widowed, right? He is going to be so tender and lovely andgrateful for the touch of a lady. And Uncle Jesse is a rebel, sure, butwith a heart of gold. And darn it all to heck, if he doesn't love kids.

What's the last album you fell in love with?

SC: Oh Land.

What was your first concert?

SC: The Allman Brothers at The Beacon theater in Manhattan.

You're on stage at a karaoke bar. What are you singing?

SC: I like to sing sad things. "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" by Chicago tends to be a nice mood-killer. Also "Desperado."

If you could invite 3 people (dead/alive/fictional) to your dinnerparty, who would they be and why?

SC: Gandhi, Audrey Hepburn and Iggy Pop. I could eat all the food.

If you could live inside one movie, which would it be?

SC: Annie Hall. Or Titanic. No, wait, that last one is a terrible choice.

Look for Sloane Crosley's episode of The Writers' Block next Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at kqed.org/writersblock. And be sure not to miss each episode as it becomes available by subscribing to The Writers' Block podcast!

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