Only Italians Should Sing on Balconies, As These Other Nations Prove

A scene from 1968's 'Romeo & Juliet' in which Italians show the rest of the world how to best use a balcony.

For about a week now, as the worldwide coronavirus crisis deepens, the internet has been figuratively clinging to the balcony singers of Italy like a life raft.

The much-shared balcony outpourings have so far stood as a testament to community, togetherness, the power of music and the resilience of humanity. But as lockdowns and quarantines are expanded around the globe, they've also been an inspiration to others. "If they can do it with this much grace," the rest of the world has noted, "then we can too!"

Except actually... no. It turns out that united balcony singing is for Italians and Italians only.

When Germans try it, neighbors threaten to call the police:

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In Wales, this man did his best to lift the spirits of his countrymen, only to find his Queen-related efforts were met with both resistance and expletives:

The Israeli attempt at balcony togetherness did its best to imitate the fun-loving Italians, but ended up being so inordinately loud, it was basically large scale noise pollution:

Then there's this poor, lonely gentleman who might have been better off belting out Robyn's "Dancing On My Own" instead:

And this freezing Scandinavian who has only the whistling wind for company:

Even countries that haven't attempted a mass singalong yet are fearful of the results. This guy worries that any Aussie efforts attempted may sound less triumphant and more like a bunch of drunk people leaving the bar at a beach resort:

The spirit is there for this Chicago resident, but the comedy delivery is a tad low key:

With all that in mind, it's probably best that the rest of the world drops the mic and continues to let Italy take charge. After all, how is anyone anywhere supposed to compete with this?