Here's Your First Look at Lifetime's Britney Spears Movie (If Your Eyes Can Stand It)

Back in August, I warned that Lifetime, destroyer of all cultural iconography we hold dear, was planning on making a movie about the life of Britney Jean Spears. I did not want it then. And, after seeing the first images coming out from the set, I DEFINITELY don't want it now.

Before we take a look, I advise anyone who is triggered by the disfigurement of cherished '90s pop icons to flee from here at once.

Everyone else, gird yourselves, and come with me.

Photo: Lifetime
Photo: Lifetime

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I said it before and I'll say it again:

Other than also being a human woman, I’m not really seeing a resemblance. Plus, she’s Australian! Was Derrick Barry not available?

Photo: Lifetime
Photo: Lifetime

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Covering up this actress' face is a good idea, considering she doesn't look like Britney at all. And that's supposed to be Justin Timberlake, I guess. I don't like the guy because of Nipplegate and some other reasons, but this casting choice is pretty rude. This guy is a 3 at the most, Justin is at least a 5.

Photo: Lifetime
Photo: Lifetime

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If you squint really hard, after getting hopped up on Pixie Stix and drinking a lot of tequila, this might look like Backstreet Boys, but *NSYNC? Really? To quote the Gospel according to JT and co.:

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For comparison:

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This means that the creators of this Lifetime movie definitely used Britney and Kevin's reality show, Chaotic, as source material, which means they will definitely do the most with the following iconic (and kind of sad) scene:

Photo: Lifetime
Photo: Lifetime

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Okay, two things:

  1. Let's be real: the people who will watch this movie also watch RuPaul's Drag Race and can clock a fine wig when they see one. This is not a fine wig. This is a mockery. Go back to Party City where you belong.
  2. If Kevin actually looked this hot, I would finally understand what Britney was thinking.

In summation:

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If you want more thoughts and feelings about this biopic, I dumped all of mine here for you:

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