Now we're talking! Real coffee! Did Lorelai reupholster the lumpy living room couch? Emily is going to hate this even more than the last one.
OMG. Chez Gilmore got a fresh coat of paint! Maybe Kirk created a house painting business for a day before moving on to yet another profession? Would Luke Danes deign (see what I did there?) to live in a robin's egg-colored house? Does this mean they never really got back together?!?
PHEW!!! Look at that sexual hand-holding! In the words of Beyonce, god is real. Luke's wardrobe is unchanged, as we knew it would be. Lorelai seems more stylish. Maybe she's finally raking in enough cash money from the Dragonfly to chuck the bedazzled-butt sweats and spring for more cute, flirty print dresses. Good things happen to good people. She deserves all the nice things in the world because she raised Rory all on her own (thanks for nothing, Christopher!) and is such a loyal friend and...*voice cracks* *cries quietly for a long time while Googling pictures of Lauren Graham*
Okay, there is a lot to unpack here.
1. Get it, Miss Patty! Love the hair.
2. Hi, Babette! I hope Maury still plays piano for you and carries you around.
3. Stars Hollow is staging a musical because it was only a matter of time. Is it beach themed or did Lorelai and Rory move to Venice Beach to hang out with Jess' deadbeat dad?
4. Look! One of Lane's twins! He's holding a beach chair, so I guess the beach theme is real. OR! All the disappointments in Lane's life (her mentally abusive mother, her absent father, her layabout baby daddy, Dave Rygalski just leaving for The OC in the midst of their hot and heavy love affair, the fact that she only had sex once and hated it and got knocked up in the process, the fact that her "best friend" only hangs out with her when she has something to complain about, etc. etc. etc.) catch up with her, sending her into a deep spiral that leaves her unable to care for both twins so she gives one to Rory and he joins her and Lorelai in their move to Venice Beach.
What? I have a vivid imagination and stranger things have happened on this show (*cough*Luke's secret daughter*cough*).
What. A. Boss. Still suffers zero fools. Still lives in the same mansion, if that staircase is any indication. In light of the passing of Edward Herrmann, we know Emily will be single and mingling. I hope the D.A.R. holds a Bachelorette-themed event, where Emily judges and scorns 20 eligible men, only to keep the final rose for herself. I'd also be open to her running for the Senate and eviscerating crooked politicos. Oh, who am I kidding, she could literally just sit in that chair for all four mini-movies and I would be like yaaaassss.
So Rory didn't morph into Christiane Amanpour, like she had hoped, but teaching or guest lecturing at her high school alma mater, Chilton, works too. Based on the irregular handwriting on the chalkboard (which is odd because we all know Rory's handwriting is immaculate), she's schooling these kids on Jane Eyre. Here's hoping she finds a way to incorporate an anecdote about how, one time, this really hot guy stole her book and wrote in the margins and charmed her into dumping her nice, but kind of dumb and super controlling boyfriend for a whirlwind year of dating that left her with a fractured wrist and a broken heart.
That's when Jess will show up really frantic, like he did at her dorm that one time, and profess his love again, but, unlike last time, Rory is down and they reclaim their title as the hottest couple in modern history. Make it so, Amy Sherman-Palladino! Also, I hope Paris poisoned the headmaster and has assumed his position at Chilton. And I hope that Madeline and Louise are the Sex-Ed teachers.
Alright, this magnifying glass is starting to hurt my eye so that's all for now. There's unfortunately no official word on when we'll get to actually watch Gilmore Girls: Seasons, but that just leaves us with plenty of time to trade predictions in the comments below! Have at it!