Dark Horse Presidential Candidate Andrew W.K. Launches 'The Party Party'

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Andrew W.K. wants your vote.

Still on the fence about Hill vs. Bernie? Love Trump's stance on immigration, but Ted Cruz's hairline speaks more directly to your heart and soul?

Well don't look now, but there's a new kid in town, and it's none other than the Mayor of Partyville himself: rocker-turned-motivational speaker-and-advice-columnist Andrew W.K.

The famous human (who is still best known for his 2001 single "Party Hard," off the album I Get Wet) rolled out a new website this week to go with an all-new political party he insists is 100 percent real.

The Party Party, according to a screed on its website, aims to be "an all-inclusive alternative to the two-party model." To wit:

The Party Party is simple in its mission: To free the American people from the dysfunction that is our two party system. At best, partisan politics has created an insurmountable divide that has separated the people into two categories of Democrat and Republican. The Party Party aims to provide an alternative to the divisive labeling of our current system. Most people have become too caught up in the bickering of our news cycles to realize that we ultimately desire the exact same things: reliable access to education, healthcare, and a sense of social equality.

If enough people are willing to liberate themselves from choosing left or right, a third voice can emerge with a much more powerful message. A message that will open the eyes of our representatives and help them see that this “Us versus Them” mentality has kept our country from providing its people with a REAL sense of freedom. If we open our hearts and approach the problems we face with an open mind, real change can be achieved. We hope you will join us on this journey.

The Party Purveyor gave a similarly vague interview to Rolling Stone as well. When asked for his platform, he stated, "The only thing that I want to achieve at this point — the total vision for this adventure — is a sense of uplifting optimism, trying to see beyond anything that pushes us apart, tears us apart, and not necessarily discourage one another from engaging in argument and debate or fighting for your particular points of view, but to somehow foster a mindset and a state of being that allows all of that to happen and to still feel some type of camaraderie."


So basically, good vibes and not fighting and stuff. Personally, I'm not particularly moved by these words to affiliate myself with the Party Party, especially without concrete details on a platform.

Then again, when the likely GOP nominee's entire plan is "Make America Great Again," maybe it's open season? And vague positivity is certainly preferable to publicly espousing, you know, hatred and divisiveness.

Someone get me this party wall clock for my birthday please. It's June 1st.
Someone get me this party wall clock for my birthday please. It's June 1st.

Also, compared to those of both the Republican and Democratic frontrunners, it should be said that Andrew W.K.'s online merchandise store has already won my vote.

Regardless of your political leanings: Think for yourselves, my fellow Americans. And when it's time to party, I think we can all agree that one should always party hard.