'No Scrubs' Walked So Mariah Carey's 'A No No' Could Run

Mariah can even make commuting look chic. Her power... (YouTube)

Valentine's Day might be in the rearview, but that doesn't mean I've stopped celebrating my Valentine since the '90s: the elusive chanteuse, Mariah Carey.

Who else will serve you a dislocated shoulder with a diamond encrusted sling?

Who else makes Andy Cohen’s annoying ass switch around his set so she can showcase her preferred side?

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Who else brings you more cheer than Santa every Christmas season with a song that has made her $60 million and counting?

Who else can read Eminem without admitting she even knows he’s a human being?

Mariah is good to us. She knows our love language. She knows we like to receive gifts and that’s exactly what Caution, the album she released a few months ago is. There are no skips, yet each song is being slept on by everyone who isn’t a gay person on Twitter. Specifically, one song called “A No No,” which is an anthem against all the men out there who ain’t sh*t. It samples Lil Kim’s “Crush on You” and features Notorious B.I.G. chanting, "He’s a slut, he’s a ho, he’s a freak, gotta different girl every day of the week.”

On the topic of dragging men when they've earned it, I’m about to say something wild: "A No No" is the “No Scrubs" of the 20-teens. Both songs are manifestos on what we will no longer put up with. Both are odes to the boundaries we erect to keep fuccbois out of our lives. “No Scrubs” walked so “A No No” could run! 

Every one of you needs to wake up to that fact that "A No No" is a certified bop that deserves to be her 19th number one hit. Maybe the sleek music video Mariah just released for the song will help, as will the whistle tones she added to this mix just because she could. Mariah stays clobbering us over the head with the fact that she will forever have the range. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Take it away, Mimi!

If after listening to the song and/or watching the music video, you're still not convinced, Mariah has some words and an eye-roll for you:

This piece was inspired by an episode of The Cooler, KQED’s weekly pop culture podcast. Give it a listen!

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