Golden Globe Predictions 2014: Who Will Take Home the Gold?

The Golden Globes are the best award show. Remember when Michael J. Fox announced Christine Lahti as the winner of Best Supporting Actress in a Drama...and she was in the bathroom? What fun! What spontaneity! As Robin Williams jumped on stage to buy time while Lahti was “washing her hands,” the Golden Globes entered a new territory of chaos. Let’s face it: everyone’s asleep at the Emmys, everyone’s pilled up at the Oscars, and everyone’s hella drunk at the Golden Globes. More Moet! More Cliquot! More (at my party) Korbel! If there was a pool table, you know J-Law would be dancing on it.

Here are some educated guesses on who will be taking home the gold:

 MOVIES

Best Drama

12 Years a Slave / Captain Phillips / Gravity / Philomena / Rush

Will Win: 12 Years a Slave
Could Win: Gravity

What the what is Rush? The true fight is between 12 Years and Gravity. While the latter took us into the near future, the former showed us a complex and disturbing portrait of the past, with astounding performances to boot. If you didn’t see Gravity in IMAX, then you didn’t see Gravity. Chances are some voters got their copy in the mail and watched it on their flat screen, which is like, not cool man. And so 12 Years has the edge. Now seriously, what is Rush?

Best Comedy

American Hustle / Her / Inside Llewyn Davis / Nebraska / The Wolf of Wall Street

Will Win: American Hustle
Could Win: Her

If it was up to me, Her would win it all. The movie has lingered with me even up to this moment. American Hustle came off to me as more of a cringe-worthy caper than a laugh-out-loud comedy, while Her had me chuckling to myself at the absurdity and absoluteness of the near future. The buzz is still growing for Her so maybe a screenplay award or some cool Oscar nods, but this Sunday, the HFPA will vote Hustle.

Best Director

Alfonso Cuaron / Paul Greengrass / Steve McQueen / Alexander Payne / David O’Russell

Will Win: Alfonso Cuaron
Could Win: Steve McQueen

Again the race is on between 12 Years and Gravity. I’m going with Cuaron simply because I’m not sure how the directing could have been any better in a movie so based on physicality. Weirdly, it was as though Cuaron was directing a stage play. Move your arm here. Lift your leg here. Cuaron was and is a master. What a crowded field this year! You know things are tight if Martin Scorsese can’t even get a nod.

Best Actress – Drama

Cate Blanchett / Sandra Bullock / Judie Dench / Emma Thompson / Kate Winslet

Will Win: Cate Blanchett
Could Win: No chance, Sandra Bullock

The performance of Cate Blanchett as the tortured title character in Blue Jasmine was like no other performance I’ve seen this year or, truthfully, any other year I’ve been alive. To think that Sandra Bullock or any other actress could surpass the astounding Blanchett would be akin to giving the Best Apple award to an orange.

Best Actor – Drama

Chiwetel Ejiofor / Idris Elba / Tom Hanks / Matthew McConaughey / Robert Redford

Will Win: Chiwetel Ejifor
Could Win: Matthew McConaughey

Yes, Chiwetel Ejiofor’s performance is groundbreaking and powerful. And yes, he deserves to win every award this year. But what does a world where Matthew McConaughey wins acting awards look like? Don’t you want to find out?!

Best Actress – Comedy

Amy Adams / Julie Delpy / Greta Gerwig / Julia Louis-Dreyfus / Meryl Streep

Will Win: Amy Adams
Could Win: Meryl Streep

The smart money is on Amy Adams, whose side boob turned in the second most gravity-defying performance of the year in American Hustle. But this isn’t the strongest category, as it is totally possible that none of these actresses get an Oscar nomination, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see an old favorite like Meryl Streep pick this one up by default like she did in 2010 for Julie & Julia (which coincidentally also starred Amy Adams).

Best Actor – Comedy

Christian Bale / Bruce Dern / Leonardo DiCaprio / Oscar Isaac / Joaquin Phoenix

Will Win: Bruce Dern
Could Win: Leonardo DiCaprio

This is the third year in a row Leo has been nominated for a Golden Globe and the 7^th time since 2003, but he’s only won once. I wouldn’t be surprised if he snuck past sentimental and early favorite Bruce Dern for his second statuette. My vote, however, would be for Joaquin Phoenix who blew me away in Her.

Best Screenplay

12 Years A Slave / American Hustle / Her / Nebraska / Philomena

Will Win: Her
Could Win: American Hustle

Three of the last four winners of the screenplay award have been big name writer/directors whose movies did not win a Best Picture Golden Globe (Django Unchained, Midnight in Paris, and Up in the Air, with The Social Network being the exception). I think that trend continues this year as Spike Jonze’s Her is a beautifully written screenplay that won’t get serious consideration in its other categories. And come on, Scarlett Johansson’s throaty Samantha deserves an award all to her/itself.

 TELEVISION

Best Drama Series

Breaking Bad / Downton Abbey / The Good Wife / House of Cards / Masters of Sex

Will Win: Breaking Bad
Could Win: House of Cards

Who doesn’t love a darling? This year, both Breaking Bad and House of Cards became the shows everyone talked about around the next day’s water cooler. Both shows defied and redefined what television can be. I can’t tell you how many times I fell on the floor during BB, while with HoC I only made it to the edge of my seat. And that’s why I’m giving this one to BB.

Best Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory / Brooklyn 99 / Girls / Modern Family / Parks and Recreation

Will Win: Modern Family
Could Win: Parks and Recreation

I’d like to think the opposite could seriously happen. The HFPA gave this one to Girls last year, but I think the buzz has downgraded to a soft hum with that one (plus it’s my least favorite show on television!). While Parks and Recreation is long overdue for a win, the voters will likely turn to Modern Family, which I stopped watching two years ago, but which is also, to my weird chagrin, still kind of funny.

Best Actress – Drama

Julianna Marguiles / Tatiana Maslany / Taylor Schilling / Kerry Washington / Robin Wright

Will Win: Kerry Washington
Could Win: Julianna Margulies

Julianna Margulies’ husband is really handsome. We are always like: “Who is that?” and the answer is always her husband. And she also took home the Emmy last year so I’m thinking voters will chill with her. Now Kerry Washington is a different story. She is going to implode if someone doesn’t hand her something, anything made of gold. It’s too bad Revenge never got as good as Scandal. It’s too bad Madeleine Stowe’s eyes never got a nod.

Best Actor – Drama

Bryan Cranston / Liev Schreiber / Michael Sheen / Kevin Spacey / James Spader

Will Win: Bryan Cranston
Could Win: Kevin Spacey

Walter White’s metamorphosis on Breaking Bad is so pure. Although the hoopla has died down significantly for BB, the HFPA must acknowledge the depth and unbridled insanity of Walter White; he embodied that character so much I think they should give the Golden Globe to him instead of Bryan Cranston. Oh, and Kevin Spacey was good, but he like, looked at the camera too much.

Best Actress – Comedy

Zooey Deschanel / Lena Dunham / Edie Falco / Julia Louis-Dreyfus / Amy Poehler

Will Win: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Could Win: Amy Poehler

JLD almost has this one in the bag—almost. Amy Poehler has played second fiddle to Tina Fey for a large part of her career. It’s time she gets the validity she deserves and, with Parks and Rec’s always-shaky future, perhaps voters will finally dole one out to Poehler. It will, of course, be difficult to outshine Elaine Benes whose acceptance speech at last year’s Emmys was comedy gold.

Best Actor – Comedy

Jason Bateman / Don Cheadle / Michael J. Fox / Jim Parsons / Andy Samberg

Will Win: Michael J. Fox
Could Win: Jim Parsons

Jim Parson is an award show powerhouse, which I don’t really get because The Big Bang Theory is just such a snooze festival. No one can deny the charm and modesty that Michael J. Fox has brought to television, even when he was a little guy on Family Ties, which I remember watching snowed in with my siblings. I have fond memories of Fox and even more respect for the guy now and I think the voters will too.

Random Relevant Statements:

- Many claim this was the best year for movies in a long time. I’m kind of like meh.
- I’m still aboard the J-Law train. Choo, choo for realz.
- Jared Leto’s Rayon was captivating.
- Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are going to kill it!
- Anna Gunn / Laura Dern / Christina Hendricks not getting nominated makes me want to throw my hummus at the television.
- Mad Men ruled this past season.
- Enlightened ruled even more.
- Girls is the worst show on television.