I have respect for snacking at a formal ceremony, but maybe even more for 89-year-old James Ivory, who became the oldest Oscar winner ever with his screenplay award for Call Me By Your Name WHILE WEARING A DRESS SHIRT ADORNED WITH TIMOTHEE CHALAMET'S FACE!
Timmy approves because he's a humble, gracious angel...
...who for some reason lost Best Actor to the problematic (to say the least) Gary Oldman.
To any Academy members who voted for Oldman:
But let's forget about that injustice for now and think about something happy, like Jordan Peele winning for Get Out's original screenplay. This hug is what awwws are made of!
Jordan can't believe his good fortune! And Nicole Kidman can't believe she has to walk with her arms out like this all night because of her weird dress.
BREAKING: Almost everyone still wants to have sex with Christopher Plummer (Captain von Trapp, if you're nasty).
BREAKING PT 2: Almost everyone still wants to be BFF with Tiffany Haddish.
BREAKING PT 3: Almost everyone still wants Meryl Streep to be their mom.
I love all of these people, too, Greta.
Speaking of Miss Gerwig, she got a hilarious shout-out from Emma Stone.
I don't remember who this guy is, but he won the award for Best Bed Head on Live TV.
Ordinarily, people who win the highest honor in their field look happy. But Frances McDormand isn't ordinary. When she wins, she appears as though she is about to beat someone to a pulp, before thinking better of it.
When she got in front of the mic, she did her best Jerri Blank impression.
(For those of you who don't get that reference, here you go:)
The evening had a lot of references to last year's Steve Harvey-esque Best Picture screw-up.
The cutest of which was Best Director winner Guillermo del Toro double-checking that he actually won.
And while we're on the topic of The Shape of Water a.k.a. Grinding Nemo, the fish monster is already courting another human woman (although his hard-boiled egg breath doesn't seem to be helping).
Oh, no. I just remembered Timothée lost to Gary Oldman of all people.
I'm going to need a moment. See y'all next year!