Enkhgerel Bayasgalan shares about times in her life when she felt lonely.
What does it mean to be surrounded by love, but still feel alone? For a long time, I thought loneliness only existed when no one was there for you. I believed that if you had support, you shouldn’t feel that way. But I’ve learned it’s not that simple.
When I was 10 years old, my mom passed away from cancer. I didn’t fully understand it at the time, but I felt the loss. As I grew up, it stayed with me in quiet ways, in moments where I wished she was there but had to keep going without her.
When I was 28, I gave birth during the COVID pandemic. The room wasn’t empty. My daughter’s father was there, along with the nurse and doctor. I knew I was safe. But all I could think about was my mom. I didn’t feel like an adult about to become a mother. I felt like that same 10-year-old girl again, scared and needing her mom. After my daughter was born, I fell into postpartum depression. My family showed up for me in every way they could. They supported me, comforted me and made sure I wasn’t alone. But I still felt lonely.That was the hardest part, knowing I was loved but not being able to feel it.
I remember wondering why nothing made me happy. Looking back now, I see things differently. I see how much love was around me, even when I couldn’t feel it. My family never stopped showing up for me. I’ve learned that loneliness doesn’t always mean you’re alone. Sometimes it means you’re carrying something no one else can fully understand.