Negar Ajayebi shares how her perception of home has changed after moving to the United States.
Home! I used to obsess over that concept for years. Maybe because I left it. I looked through what people were saying about it perhaps to find answers. T.S. Eliot, in his poem “East Coker,” wrote: “Home is where one starts from.”
Well, that kind of worked. I definitely felt that sense of belonging. But that wasn’t all. There must be more. I went deeper in my mind and I realized I have feelings for other places too. For the first neighborhood we chose to rent an apartment after immigrating to the U.S. For the grocery store, I do my shopping’s in the most. For the university I received my second masters from. They felt like home too.
And there was where I felt maybe I have too many homes, different ones. Maybe somehow closer to what Margot Bickel says in
her poem: “My home is nowhere on the map; my home is in the heart of people whom I love.” Then once in a while, a home of mine gets bolder. Like the things happening these days… where the home I was born and raised in, Iran, is in trouble.
My people seek freedom from the regime, the regime that has been killing, wounding and arresting thousands and thousands of them in just a few days. My feelings have gone from anger to deep sadness, from crying to sharing the feelings with close friends. But the thing is, life goes on.
After nearly a month of scrolling and scrolling and looking for news in a total internet blackout I realize maybe home is where you find safety and purpose. I’m safe in this home of mine where I live now. Also, I have loved ones back in the home I was born and raised in and still have strong feelings for. They deserve to be safe and they deserve to be heard. And maybe that’s my purpose for living now. With a Perspective, I’m Negar Ajayebi.