Eva Meyersson Milgrom shares about her experiences aging and forming a new social group.
The biggest myth about aging is assuming that our social world will stay the same. As we get older, people often tell us to “hold on tight” to the relationships we already have. But the real secret to staying vibrant isn’t about holding on. It’s about keeping the door open to change.
Research shows that people who age well – emotionally, cognitively, physically – open themselves to new experiences. They create what I call “pipelines” of inflows and outflows, making sure new people can enter their lives, as others naturally leave. They allow their older ties to loosen without guilt or fear. The idea behind creating new pipelines is simple: join a hiking group, volunteer, or show up at a community activity where you don’t know a soul.
A few years ago, I joined a hiking group at the Stanford Dish of Spanish-speaking women. We come from different professions and different parts of the world. What makes our hiking group powerful is not the emotional intensity or shared identity that comes from what we sociologists refer to as our “bonding ties.” Rather, it is the looseness of connection, like a constantly changing social pipeline, to a diverse mix of people with whom we share new information, resources, ideas – big and small, and unexpected friendships, that quietly strengthens us and builds confidence over time.
Getting older can be a time of personal growth if we continue to explore our interests in shared activities with others. This comes from the recognition that as we age, we continue to change and our social networks must keep changing too! With a Perspective, I’m Eva Meyersson Milgrom.