Scarlett Morales explains why she’s struggled with her cultural identity.
Identity is supposed to be simple, right? You’re supposed to know who you are, where you come from, and belong. But for me it’s never felt that clear. I know I’m Mexican. My family is from Mexico. I grew up surrounded by the food, the music, the traditions. Spanish was always around me.
And yet I’ve never felt fully, 100 percent Mexican. Yes, I speak Spanish but not perfectly. My grammar slips, my vocabulary feels limited, and when I speak, I get self-conscious. It’s like every mistake is proof that I don’t measure up. And that hurts most with my grandparents.
The past three summers, I’ve gone to Mexico to see them. They greet me with so much love and patience. But when it’s time to talk I freeze. I sit quietly, letting my mom do the talking, even though deep down I want to connect.
On phone calls, it’s even harder. One of my grandparents is now terminally ill. Every call should be precious. But instead of showing up, I shrink away. I avoid the conversation. And afterward, I’m left with regret. The thing is, I do know my culture.