Childhood friendships are important and Chandler Hoffman shares how they make an impact throughout our lives.
Resilience, or the ability to bounce back from stress, adversity or trauma, is often associated with inner resources. But there is one source of resilience that is quietly overlooked: childhood friendship. As a child psychologist in the Bay Area for over 25 years, many of my clients are experiencing increased amounts of loneliness and disconnection and friendship is still one of the most accessible and powerful interventions we have. When we are little, the ability to soothe ourselves often comes from our caregivers paying attention to us and co-regulating us.
When we enter school, teachers and friends become extensions of this regulatory system. The friendships that we develop aren’t just social — they are developmental lifelines, and according to a growing body of research, they play a crucial role in shaping our capacity for resilience. Growing up Berkeley, I was very overweight. I went to school every day afraid of being teased.
My first-grade friend, Carvel, never teased me and he played with me on the playground, ate lunch with me and we had sleepovers at each other’s homes on the weekends. My friendship with Carvel, turned exclusion into belonging and made the school day feel safe.
Research shows that children who have at least one stable, supportive peer relationship are significantly more likely to cope well with adversity, including family instability, academic stress and social rejection and are more likely to be helpful to their peers.