Kayla Ling: Don't Criticize Weight

Kayla Ling shares why we shouldn’t criticize other people’s bodies.

“You’ve gained weight lately!”

I was 12 years old when my nanny commented about my growing stomach and arms. I was so shocked by this comment that I could only stare at her with hurt, surprised eyes. Eyes that searched for what she could possibly mean. Attempting to remedy her mistake, she later told me that my weight gain was a “healthy” and “good” thing.

I was 15 years old when a close friend told me, “You’ve lost a lot of weight lately!” I grinned, again speechless. This time, shouldn’t I have felt good? Isn’t skinny good? But rather than feeling complimented, I somehow again felt vulnerable and sensitive.

We sometimes hear about how we shouldn’t criticize other people’s bodies, at risk of perpetuating harm. But my personal experiences are why I believe that we should also be thoughtful of our compliments of other’s bodies.

Women, men and everyone in between can receive compliments about their physical features — whether it’s weight, body shape or a specific body part.

I used to crave these compliments, but I have learned that connecting my worth to my figure is unhealthy for me. I have so much more to contribute to this world than my legs, my chest and my hips.

So when I get critiques or compliments about my figure, it makes me question what others value me for — my physicality? Or is it my intelligence, my kindness and my humor?

Now, nothing is black-and-white. We can still recognize someone for their hard work if they’ve been updating you about their weight loss plan, or we could still ask someone about concerning weight loss if they’ve recently begun engaging in abnormal eating patterns.

But let’s mindfully compliment others to avoid objectification or perpetuating harmful expectations about body image. If you’re concerned about someone’s health, ask about going on a walk together without criticizing the flabbiness of their arms. And, if we want to appreciate someone’s beauty, just say that they are beautiful—not their muscled torso or curvy hips. Trust me, that compliment will mean radically more.

With a Perspective, I’m Kayla Ling.

Kayla Ling is a high school junior in San Mateo. She is a passionate climate justice activist, student journalist and filmmaker.