Jessica Smits: It's All About Respect

After witnessing adults being rude to kids on the field, cross country coach Jessica Smits says it’s time for the disrespect to end.

As a middle school coach, I have one non-negotiable: I learn each child’s name at the beginning of the season and I greet them by their name every time. I do this because I believe they need to know they are seen and have an adult on their side.

Because despite the bad wrap that junior high students get, I find it’s often the adults who engage with the younger generations who are the worst offenders of poor behavior.

One young athlete was startled the first time I greeted her by her name. She asked, “What did I do?” She assumed I was coming to talk to her because she was in trouble. I would argue that this was her gut reaction to me, because most of the adult interactions she has are not positive ones.

I’m confronted with examples often. It’s the track coach yelling threats at a group of teens because they mistakenly walked on the wrong part of the field, or the second grader expressing to me that he likes his new teacher because she doesn’t yell as much as the previous one. I can’t say it enough: it’s not the kids, it’s the adults that are the problem.

To the coaches and instructors that find themselves in a destructive cycle of short fuses and yelling, you must stop. You wouldn’t act this poorly if you were dealing with adults. You do this because you believe that an adult innately deserves respect from a child, and it gives you a sense of power.

And parents, stop making excuses for poor behavior. When we say things like, “Well, he is the coach,” or, “They obviously had a reason for yelling,” we teach our kids the wrong lesson. Because when we tell our kids to blindly follow authority and that asking questions is talking back, we teach them to be victims.

So may I urge all adults to self-reflect before interacting with our youth. Be patient. Show them grace, and respect them; and perhaps one day you will earn theirs in return. With a Perspective, I’m Jessica Smits.

Jessica Smits is a registered nurse and cross country coach. She lives with her family in the South Bay.