Yumi Wilson: Missing the Signs

Editor’s note: The following Perspective contains references to domestic violence.

Yumi Wilson opens up about taking care of her sister and recognizing abuse after she was brutally attacked by her husband.

I got the call that my sister had been stabbed by her husband while I was in Washington, D.C., about to give a presentation. Frank — the 63-year-old man I hugged goodbye just days earlier — had tried to kill my big sister. He had already confessed to murdering his mother.

I rushed back to the Bay Area, fear twisting in my gut. Mika, my strong, outgoing and beautiful sister, was fighting. But it wasn’t just the wounds — she was battling something deeper. Betrayal.

For too long, COVID, work and her devotion to church kept us apart. But now, I was her anchor. The doctors said they could place her in a skilled nursing home near my apartment. She was weak, but I believed she would recover.

Then came pneumonia. Her body, already fragile from the trauma, struggled to fight this new threat. Then, sepsis followed. An ominous sign.

The night before she died, I told her: “The bad guy is out there, Mika. You are safe here.”

The following day, she was gone.

Mika loved Frank and trusted him with everything — her paycheck, home and future.

And I believed she had married the right kind of man. But control doesn’t always come in the form of violence. It comes in small, quiet ways — over money, food and choices. I missed the signs. Mika’s story isn’t just hers. It reflects something bigger — a society that doesn’t see the quiet, creeping dangers of coercive control. And perhaps, by sharing her story, we can start a conversation about the subtle signs of abuse before they escalate.
With a Perspective, I’m Yumi Wilson.

Yumi Wilson is a professor at San Francisco State University and a career coach. She lives in Oakland with her husband, Art, and their dog, Coco.