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Yumi Wilson: Missing the Signs

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Editor’s note: The following Perspective contains references to domestic violence.

Yumi Wilson opens up about taking care of her sister and recognizing abuse after she was brutally attacked by her husband.

I got the call that my sister had been stabbed by her husband while I was in Washington, D.C., about to give a presentation. Frank — the 63-year-old man I hugged goodbye just days earlier — had tried to kill my big sister. He had already confessed to murdering his mother.

I rushed back to the Bay Area, fear twisting in my gut. Mika, my strong, outgoing and beautiful sister, was fighting. But it wasn’t just the wounds — she was battling something deeper. Betrayal.

For too long, COVID, work and her devotion to church kept us apart. But now, I was her anchor. The doctors said they could place her in a skilled nursing home near my apartment. She was weak, but I believed she would recover.

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Then came pneumonia. Her body, already fragile from the trauma, struggled to fight this new threat. Then, sepsis followed. An ominous sign.

The night before she died, I told her: “The bad guy is out there, Mika. You are safe here.”

The following day, she was gone.

Mika loved Frank and trusted him with everything — her paycheck, home and future.

And I believed she had married the right kind of man. But control doesn’t always come in the form of violence. It comes in small, quiet ways — over money, food and choices. I missed the signs. Mika’s story isn’t just hers. It reflects something bigger — a society that doesn’t see the quiet, creeping dangers of coercive control. And perhaps, by sharing her story, we can start a conversation about the subtle signs of abuse before they escalate.
With a Perspective, I’m Yumi Wilson.

Yumi Wilson is a professor at San Francisco State University and a career coach. She lives in Oakland with her husband, Art, and their dog, Coco.

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