Disha Zaidi: Navigating Sympathy and Empathy

After her father fell ill, Disha Zaidi shares how empathy from friends and family made a big impact.

The phone call I had received from back home in India was one of those dreadful calls that we all fear as immigrants living in a far-away land. “Dad has fallen unconscious and I am taking the next flight from Mumbai to Delhi,” said my younger sister, followed by “He is on [a] ventilator,” and “it’s a stroke.”

The next thing I knew, is I was on a flight to Delhi. My father did survive the stroke, but was bed-ridden, and eventually slipped into a coma after a second.

I later realized the huge difference between sympathy and empathy later. Several family, friends and colleagues expressed their concern for my father. However, when my colleagues and bosses at work shared their own experiences of parents going through illness and death, it made me realize how compassionate and empathetic some of these people are.

I also came to realize the deepness of a parental bond. My father was unable to talk after the stroke, and gave a blank stare to most people who came to see him, which killed me inside. But the only three people he put his hand out to and kissed on the hand were us three kids, his three daughters. That was always his “signature” style of greeting us…a kiss on the hand…be it seeing him after a few hours or a few months. The strength of this bond will stay no matter where the cycles of life or death take us.

I learned many things during this tough time. The unwavering support of my husband taught me what a supportive partner is like. My younger sister taught me how to quietly keep doing even if there are no rewards in the end. My mother taught me how to cope with dignity in tough situations, and my friends taught me they will always be there in times of need. My father passed away a few years ago, but my learnings on empathy, parental bonds and giving continue to stay with me. With a Perspective, I’m Disha Zaidi.

Disha Zaidi works with an international development agency on poverty reduction projects, and enjoys culinary photography and poetry writing in her spare time. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.