Josephine Krebs shares how her experience playing the piano helped her to learn a healthy balance around setting expectations and happiness.
When I first started playing the piano, I couldn’t wait to finally master something and finally prove to my parents that I could live up to the expectations they set for me. However, as the years went by and the expectations grew, I started to feel that playing a piece wasn’t enough, I had to memorize it. Eventually, memorizing one piece wasn’t enough. It had to be two. I was stuck in a loop, thinking constantly that I wasn’t enough.
Being the firstborn child of two European immigrants, I felt the need to prove to them that their sacrifices were worth it and that coming to the U.S. was truly for the better. The pressure to constantly be perfect, to win all my competitions, to care about others more than about myself, was always present, like a shadow looking over my shoulder constantly. I would find myself reluctantly sitting at the piano, playing and memorizing one of composer Ludwig van Beethoven’s symphonies, week after week.
Despite my love for music, every competition, I would walk up to the piano reluctantly again until the post-competition rush came around. Nothing compared to hearing your name being called out when they were announcing first place. But eventually that feeling would go away, and I’d find myself sitting at the piano, yet again doubting myself.
Then one day, the worst thing happened, I got second place. Though it wasn’t the end of the world, for me, it meant being just a step away from perfect. While I sulked, my parents stayed by my side, helping me realize that it’s OK to not be perfect all the time.