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Marilyn Englander: Transforming with Kindness

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Inspirational messages can feel cloying and cliché, but Marilyn Englander tells us about a time she took a chance and listened to one of those messages.

At a business near my home stands a large sign displaying motivational messages to improve the general public. I drive by, shaking my head at such futile good intentions. Yet, recently, the words lingered in my mind, “It’s so easy to be nice.”

I had a series of tedious phone calls to make — the medical insurance, the DMV and worst, Social Security. I procrastinated, dreading the tinny hold music leading finally to a surly customer service agent.

At last, though, I sat down to make my first call, expecting frustration and a big headache.

I waded through a long menu and finally reached an agent at Social Security. My last call there, I’d experienced withering condescension and impatience. It had required all my willpower not to swear.

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Now, the agent answered with the expected weary tone and full-blown attitude. “Why are you calling?” she barked. I explained. “Just come into the office,” she commanded.

Oh, no! Through my brain flashed, “It’s so easy to be nice,” and I took a wild leap.

Sweetly, deferentially, I said I’d truly be grateful to work with her by phone. I littered “please” and “thank you so much” into every pause, as well as “Oh, that’s good of you,” and even “How’s your day going?”

To my amazement, her tone began to soften, brighten. Pretty soon she was sharing with me her struggles with the balky computer system and the heavy work load. She apologized when she asked me to repeat something. She even offered a few tips to solve future problems.

I was dumbfounded, but …delighted! It was like finding a new friend. I think she was touched to be seen, appreciated. In the end, she told me to ask for her next time.

It had been so easy to be nice! And kindness had transformed both of us.

Hey, I’m going to study those messages near my house from now on.

With a Perspective, I’m Marilyn Englander.

Marilyn Englander is a North Bay educator.

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