Lucienne is a new mother living in Oakland.
Today’s my last day in this blissful bubble of maternity leave. All other priorities are hazy. Do I remember where I put my purse? Or if I locked the car? No idea. But I do know the evolution of every curl on my son’s head. My mind catalogs his every bodily function. My boobs can hear him cry and in those first days, my arms felt his heartbeat even after I set him down.
He and I are each other’s teacher and student as we learn our new bodies in all their sorcery and all their fluids. He taught me that before books and gadgets, babies are captivated by story and song. That before words, there is laughter. But the wisdom he is most eager to teach me is about dependence as our most fundamental human trait.
Not everyone would describe postpartum as bliss. Calling it a rollercoaster is an understatement. Plenty of parents are eager to return to their careers. Most don’t have the choice—many employers don’t give us a moment to pause.
Without supportive policies, parents make tough choices. Thankfully, the State of California offers parental leave. But for me, choices that embraced my dependence are how I survived. I turned down dream jobs to stay close to family. I opted for group doctor appointments and stayed in touch with those mamas through group texts. I relied on meals from friends and hand-me-downs from neighbors. In my most difficult times, the greatest remedy was reaching out to say the same thing my newborn says: I can’t do this alone.