Erika Trafton: Ginger Cookies

Ginger cookies have always been a favorite of Erika Trafton and they taste even better when her son makes them.

I never thought a cookie could make me cry.

These are my favorite cookies from my childhood. My mother baked them regularly. She would let me lick the beaters but not take a swipe of batter with my fingers. There were rules. Always rules.

I rolled the batter into balls and covered them in sugar, placing them on the cookie sheet. They were best when just out of the oven:  hot and a little raw in the middle. I was allowed only one after dinner. Rules. Always rules.

I am too lazy to bake. I think about getting all the ingredients together and the depressive in me just feels overwhelmed. But lately my 17-year-old son has begun baking cookies every Saturday. He knows ginger cookies are my favorite. I sit at the table and watch him work. It’s like a chemistry experiment to him. He also saves the beater for me. I also take large finger-fulls of batter, savoring the spices. Ginger, allspice, cinnamon, cloves, molasses. There are no rules except that he is the boss.

I urge him to take the cookies out of the oven early, like my mom, so they will be a little raw. He complies. I can eat as many cookies as I want. No rules. But after all the batter I’ve eaten, one will suffice.

They taste better because my son made them. I am impressed with his industry, his single-mindedness, his energy. He makes the balls bigger than my mom did. I have no problem with that. He hands me a cookie directly from the cooling rack and delights in my joy. Our roles have been reversed. He is taking care of me. It feels good. To be rewarded for all the days I picked him up from daycare and he would punch me in the face. Motherhood is an endurance sport.

Next year he leaves for college. There will be no more ginger cookies. As I bite into each one I mourn this loss. Not of the cookies exactly. But of him.

With a Perspective, I’m Erika Trafton.

Erika Trafton is a writer and Master of Fine Arts candidate at Dominican University of California.