I am a rotten teenager; at least that's what my mom calls me. But I'm not your average spoiled know-it-all. For the most part I am a good kid; a giggly tomboy who likes to play sports. Since I am perceptive enough to get some people to bend to my will, it amazes me how long it took to realize how I was hurting so many others. Not only did I succeed in pushing away many of my closest friends, but I also managed to sabotage the most precious relationship in my life: my relationship with my mother.
Ever since I entered my teenage years, I've said some horrible comments. Hurtful comments that stung the people I loved the most. Acts of confusion and anger all just to make things go my way. My mother gave birth to me at age 18 and she would sometimes tell me, "I was hoping my first would be a girl. Please don't push me away." I would reply with my best face of stone: "I didn't ask for you! I don't want you to care about me!"
My mother began to believe I meant it. Ironically, I wish I could say I had been using drugs, swallowing pills or smoking. At least that would account for my change in attitude and those razor-sharp words that came flying out of my mouth. However, this isn't the case. My only addiction is hatred; my only high is inflicting pain.
At a certain point, I had to stop and ask myself, why? Why do I feel the need to hurt others? Why do I hurt the people I care about the most? Why my mom? I don't want to inflict pain on others to cover up what I am trying to hide myself. Self-hatred. Self-hatred unleashed on my mother. I saw my mother's pained face, her warm yet tired eyes filled with emptiness. My first encounter with unconditional love was a powerful feeling.
Despite all the lies and anger-filled words, she still loved me. My mother's unconditional love is the most precious gift I have ever received. I want to extend the gift my mom gave me to all the "rotten teenagers" who are lost in this world. It's okay to feel pain, anger and love, just don't forget about those who will love you unconditionally.