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Beside him stood a table decorated with real pieces of tombstone – and copies of the book “Silent Cities: San Francisco,” ready to be signed by author Jessica Ferri. Urns full of candy stood like sentries by the entry at the Halloween-themed book event, one of many types of public gatherings that take place at the columbarium. The crowd, some dressed as skeletons and vampires, milled about with plates of cheese and fruit, their conversations drifting up the neoclassical rotunda where thousands of cremains rest.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The elegant columbarium — officially the San Francisco Columbarium and Funeral Home, owned and operated by Dignity Memorial — occupies its corner of San Francisco’s Richmond District with a stoic beauty, its verdigris dome poking out from graceful hedges, trickling fountains and rose-draped trellises. The building was constructed in 1898 as a centerpiece for the Odd Fellows Cemetery, one of the “Big Four” burial grounds that stretched across San Francisco.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It used to have a grand entrance with steps leading up to it from Geary Boulevard just east of Arguello Boulevard; now it's only accessible from Loraine Court. Tucked away in the pocket of a dead-end street, the columbarium is one of the most famous San Francisco places you’ve probably never heard of.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[pullquote size=\"medium\" align=\"right\" citation=\"Heather Cann, former columbarium office manager\"]'You feel San Francisco in these walls. The rich history of its beginnings, the eccentricity of its residents and the passion for this city that binds it all together.'[/pullquote]\"I hear it every day,\" Kestenblatt told KQED. \"Someone comes in and says they've lived in the city their whole life and never knew about this place.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The columbarium has rooms named after mythological winds and constellations, and an addition called “The Hall of Olympians” to continue with the classical theme. A 1899 Odd Fellows publication describes it as “without exception the most beautiful and elaborate building in the world, used exclusively as a repository for the ashes of the dead.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In January 1914, the Board of Supervisors passed an ordinance to remove all human remains from the city. This led to a long and complicated process to relocate bodies to the necropolis of Colma, where the dead outnumber the living 999 to 1. The cemeteries were gone, but the columbarium and its ashes — now a designated historic landmark — remained.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[aside postID=news_10779164 hero='https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2026/12/exhume-1440x1218.jpg']The columbarium, the only place where anyone can leave their heart forever in San Francisco, is a nesting doll of stories. There are the stories of the people whose ashes line the walls of the rotunda, people like \u003ca href=\"https://dante-the-magician.com/\">Dante the Magician\u003c/a> (1883-1955) who performed for kings, and \u003ca href=\"https://www.lindahall.org/dorothea-klumpke-roberts/\">Dorothea Klumpke Roberts\u003c/a> (1861-1942), a groundbreaking astronomer who has two asteroids named after her. There are also the stories of the stewards of this place — celebrants and caretakers, funeral directors and managers — characters who bring creativity and humor to conducting the business of death in a most unusual place.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The tales of the columbarium’s forever tenants don’t stay behind the glass-fronted doors of the niches that contain their cremains. They float through the four tiers of the golden rotunda, haunting the stewards charged with their care.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The stewards of the columbarium not only take care of the building and memorials; they protect its residents’ stories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I don’t do tours, I tell stories,” Crystal Hoffman said, her dark eyes flashing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hoffman moved from China to San Francisco in 2003 and has been working as a family service counselor at the columbarium for eight years, a job she can’t seem to quit. Hoffman organizes events where those who have purchased a niche can meet their future forever neighbors — people who have purchased adjoining or nearby niches. The event, usually held in the summer, was suspended for the past two years because of the pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11914181\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11914181\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1745\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium-800x727.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium-1020x927.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium-160x145.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium-1536x1396.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Crystal Hoffman, family service counselor at the San Francisco Columbarium. \u003ccite>(Julie Zigoris/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Hoffman acknowledged the difficulty of her line of work but also the great rewards. Tears sprang to her eyes when she told the story of a man who died one week before he was supposed to get married. “His wedding became a funeral,” she said, gesturing to his niche, which contained a bundle of letters tied with pink fluorescent yarn, photographs, miniature black-and-white Nikes, and a Casio watch. It was still ticking.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Celebrant Paul Harpring, who described his job at the columbarium as half emcee, half minister or rabbi, loves telling the stories of people who have died.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s the little details that bring someone back, not the biographical facts of their life,” he said. When preparing for a service, he talks to as many people as possible to get the full spectrum of someone’s history. “Everyone has their own unique relationship to the person who passed. The same person can be a different person to kids, friends, colleagues,” he said. He likens his work at the columbarium to a weighted blanket — heavy, but also grounding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The most haunting story for Hoffman is about a young woman from China, an immigrant who reminds her of herself, who worked night and day to take care of her family. The woman looked young in her photograph, but when Hoffman saw her body at an open-casket ceremony, she seemed old and shriveled. While the columbarium holds only ashes, many families choose to have an open casket funeral on-site and then do a smaller placement ceremony once the ashes return from an off-site crematorium.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hoffman couldn’t get the image out of her mind. The night after the young woman’s funeral, Hoffman saw her ghost.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She was sitting next to me with long hair, touching my head very gently, telling me not to work so hard,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11914194\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11914194\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"2445\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda-800x1019.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda-1020x1299.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda-160x204.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda-1206x1536.jpg 1206w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda-1608x2048.jpg 1608w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The interior rotunda of the San Francisco Columbarium. \u003ccite>(Julie Zigoris/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The intense demands of the funerary profession — “people don’t die nine to five” and “there’s no holidays in this business” are sayings within the industry — lead many to see it as a service position akin to a firefighter, teacher or police officer. It’s a calling, not a career, and it’s one that often feels preordained.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A high school aptitude test suggested funeral director as a job for both Harpring and Kestenblatt. After shadowing a funeral director in his native Rochester, New York, Kestenblatt became so enamored with the work that he ran home and told his dad what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. “Couldn’t you pick something a little more lively?” his dad asked.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Those working in the funerary profession have been on the front lines of the pandemic, though they are often not recognized in the way that grocery clerks, mail carriers and doctors have been.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We are essential workers,” Harpring said, “and we never stopped working during the pandemic.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jessica Ferri, author of “Silent Cities: San Francisco,” agreed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Funeral directors are the best people. They remind me of teachers — they wouldn’t do it if they didn’t love it,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alongside the intense challenges come deep rewards. Kestenblatt, who has mentored numerous people for careers in the funerary profession, is always trying to find more people to work in the field.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s so rewarding when you get a letter from a family saying, we couldn’t have gotten through this without you,” he said. “That’s more rewarding than any paycheck.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite the rigorous demands of the job, funeral directors have learned how to imbue levity into their profession, in what is perhaps a necessary survival technique. “They take their work seriously but also have a great sense of humor,” Ferri said. Kestenblatt served coffee in a mug that said “Embalming Fluid (concentrated)” and Hoffman joked that her “neighbors” who have niches next to hers can’t die until they pay off their “forever apartment.” Hoffman, who bought her own niche years ago, proudly shows it off to other potential customers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Harpring loves to make people laugh during services and tries to get stories from family members that will elicit giggles. “You get the full emotional spectrum at a service,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I love the creativity and the freedom I have here,” said Kim Rifredi, caretaker of the columbarium. She organized the Halloween book signing and has photoshopped the landmark’s dome pink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The families who choose the columbarium tend to be creative as well, according to Rifredi. “I often find myself thinking, gee, I wish I knew that person,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11914183\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11914183\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1750\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium-800x729.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium-1020x930.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium-160x146.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium-1536x1400.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kim Rifredi, caretaker of the San Francisco Columbarium. \u003ccite>(Julie Zigoris/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Creativity, perhaps, is baked into the funerary profession. During the training for his funeral director license, Harpring did an activity in which he and a partner pulled three characteristics of a death — who died, where and how — from a bowl full of options. They then had to use their imagination to devise a service appropriate to the person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The columbarium is a crucible of creativity, “every niche a poem, every room a novel,” as Bob Yount from Green Street Mortuary said. Yet perhaps the biggest tale the historical landmark is trying to tell is one of San Francisco itself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The columbarium is a love letter to San Francisco,” said Serena Brockelman, a former family service counselor at the columbarium.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s a beautiful piece of San Francisco history,” Harpring agreed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11914199\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11914199\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1558\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain-800x649.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain-1020x828.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain-160x130.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain-1536x1246.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A Coit Tower-shaped fountain adorns the grounds of the San Francisco Columbarium. \u003ccite>(Julie Zigoris/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>With a Coit Tower-shaped fountain on the grounds, urns in the form of the painted ladies of Alamo Square and a longstanding embrace of the queer community, the columbarium and its tenants embody the spirit of the city.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>An array of characters inhabit its walls — people like Harry August Jansen, a Danish-born professional magician known as Dante the Magician, who traveled the world in the early 1900s and invented the famous catchphrase “Sim, Sala, Bim.” Dante the Magician and a grocery store owner are forever neighbors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s somewhat random, but it just feels right,” Harpring said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11914186\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11914186\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1265\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche-800x527.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche-1020x672.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche-160x105.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche-1536x1012.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A niche at the columbarium pays tribute to slain San Francisco supervisor Harvey Milk. Milk's ashes no longer reside in the building, but his family kept the niche in his honor. \u003ccite>(Julie Zigoris/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>There are also San Francisco celebrities: Harvey Milk, influential political powerbroker Rose Pak, and the father of Carlos Santana. Milk’s family has since decided to move his ashes elsewhere, but they kept the memorial niche in his honor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anchor Steam brewery founders Otto Schinkel and Ernst Baruth are side by side in the Notus room, Schinkel having died the most San Francisco of deaths — he was thrown from a streetcar that had slammed on its brakes — after making what would become the most San Francisco of beverages.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What do you have left when you die? The stories others tell about you. We spend our lives trying to accomplish and obtain, trying to live within the parameters of what looks good. But in the end it’s often the flaws and foibles, the anecdotes, that live on forever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You feel San Francisco in these walls,” said Heather Cann, a former office manager at the columbarium. “The rich history of its beginnings, the eccentricity of its residents and the passion for this city that binds it all together.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"'You feel San Francisco in these walls,' said a former manager at the SF Columbarium. Tucked away in the pocket of a dead-end street, it's one of the city's most famous places you've probably never heard of.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1652814243,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":41,"wordCount":2084},"headData":{"title":"The Only Place You Can Leave Your Heart Forever in San Francisco: The Inner Richmond's Palace of Ashes | KQED","description":"'You feel San Francisco in these walls,' said a former manager at the SF Columbarium. Tucked away in the pocket of a dead-end street, it's one of the city's most famous places you've probably never heard of.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"The Only Place You Can Leave Your Heart Forever in San Francisco: The Inner Richmond's Palace of Ashes","datePublished":"2022-05-14T22:05:37.000Z","dateModified":"2022-05-17T19:04:03.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11914175 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11914175","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2022/05/14/the-only-place-you-can-leave-your-heart-forever-in-san-francisco-the-inner-richmonds-palace-of-ashes/","disqusTitle":"The Only Place You Can Leave Your Heart Forever in San Francisco: The Inner Richmond's Palace of Ashes","source":"City College of San Francisco Journalism Department","sourceUrl":"https://www.ccsf.edu/degrees-certificates/journalism","nprByline":"\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/jzigoris\">Julie Zigoris\u003c/a>","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","path":"/news/11914175/the-only-place-you-can-leave-your-heart-forever-in-san-francisco-the-inner-richmonds-palace-of-ashes","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class=\"utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__dropcapShortcode__dropcap\">F\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>uneral director Brian Kestenblatt stepped up to the microphone last October with a glass of red wine in his hand and a top hat on his head. “Happy Halloween,” he said dryly to the audience, the four tiers of the San Francisco Columbarium rising up around him like a wizard’s tower. Beside him stood a table decorated with real pieces of tombstone – and copies of the book “Silent Cities: San Francisco,” ready to be signed by author Jessica Ferri. Urns full of candy stood like sentries by the entry at the Halloween-themed book event, one of many types of public gatherings that take place at the columbarium. The crowd, some dressed as skeletons and vampires, milled about with plates of cheese and fruit, their conversations drifting up the neoclassical rotunda where thousands of cremains rest.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The elegant columbarium — officially the San Francisco Columbarium and Funeral Home, owned and operated by Dignity Memorial — occupies its corner of San Francisco’s Richmond District with a stoic beauty, its verdigris dome poking out from graceful hedges, trickling fountains and rose-draped trellises. The building was constructed in 1898 as a centerpiece for the Odd Fellows Cemetery, one of the “Big Four” burial grounds that stretched across San Francisco.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It used to have a grand entrance with steps leading up to it from Geary Boulevard just east of Arguello Boulevard; now it's only accessible from Loraine Court. Tucked away in the pocket of a dead-end street, the columbarium is one of the most famous San Francisco places you’ve probably never heard of.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"'You feel San Francisco in these walls. The rich history of its beginnings, the eccentricity of its residents and the passion for this city that binds it all together.'","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Heather Cann, former columbarium office manager","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\"I hear it every day,\" Kestenblatt told KQED. \"Someone comes in and says they've lived in the city their whole life and never knew about this place.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The columbarium has rooms named after mythological winds and constellations, and an addition called “The Hall of Olympians” to continue with the classical theme. A 1899 Odd Fellows publication describes it as “without exception the most beautiful and elaborate building in the world, used exclusively as a repository for the ashes of the dead.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In January 1914, the Board of Supervisors passed an ordinance to remove all human remains from the city. This led to a long and complicated process to relocate bodies to the necropolis of Colma, where the dead outnumber the living 999 to 1. The cemeteries were gone, but the columbarium and its ashes — now a designated historic landmark — remained.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"aside","attributes":{"named":{"postid":"news_10779164","hero":"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2026/12/exhume-1440x1218.jpg","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>The columbarium, the only place where anyone can leave their heart forever in San Francisco, is a nesting doll of stories. There are the stories of the people whose ashes line the walls of the rotunda, people like \u003ca href=\"https://dante-the-magician.com/\">Dante the Magician\u003c/a> (1883-1955) who performed for kings, and \u003ca href=\"https://www.lindahall.org/dorothea-klumpke-roberts/\">Dorothea Klumpke Roberts\u003c/a> (1861-1942), a groundbreaking astronomer who has two asteroids named after her. There are also the stories of the stewards of this place — celebrants and caretakers, funeral directors and managers — characters who bring creativity and humor to conducting the business of death in a most unusual place.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The tales of the columbarium’s forever tenants don’t stay behind the glass-fronted doors of the niches that contain their cremains. They float through the four tiers of the golden rotunda, haunting the stewards charged with their care.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The stewards of the columbarium not only take care of the building and memorials; they protect its residents’ stories.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I don’t do tours, I tell stories,” Crystal Hoffman said, her dark eyes flashing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hoffman moved from China to San Francisco in 2003 and has been working as a family service counselor at the columbarium for eight years, a job she can’t seem to quit. Hoffman organizes events where those who have purchased a niche can meet their future forever neighbors — people who have purchased adjoining or nearby niches. The event, usually held in the summer, was suspended for the past two years because of the pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11914181\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11914181\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1745\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium-800x727.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium-1020x927.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium-160x145.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HoffmanColumbarium-1536x1396.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Crystal Hoffman, family service counselor at the San Francisco Columbarium. \u003ccite>(Julie Zigoris/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Hoffman acknowledged the difficulty of her line of work but also the great rewards. Tears sprang to her eyes when she told the story of a man who died one week before he was supposed to get married. “His wedding became a funeral,” she said, gesturing to his niche, which contained a bundle of letters tied with pink fluorescent yarn, photographs, miniature black-and-white Nikes, and a Casio watch. It was still ticking.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Celebrant Paul Harpring, who described his job at the columbarium as half emcee, half minister or rabbi, loves telling the stories of people who have died.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s the little details that bring someone back, not the biographical facts of their life,” he said. When preparing for a service, he talks to as many people as possible to get the full spectrum of someone’s history. “Everyone has their own unique relationship to the person who passed. The same person can be a different person to kids, friends, colleagues,” he said. He likens his work at the columbarium to a weighted blanket — heavy, but also grounding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The most haunting story for Hoffman is about a young woman from China, an immigrant who reminds her of herself, who worked night and day to take care of her family. The woman looked young in her photograph, but when Hoffman saw her body at an open-casket ceremony, she seemed old and shriveled. While the columbarium holds only ashes, many families choose to have an open casket funeral on-site and then do a smaller placement ceremony once the ashes return from an off-site crematorium.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hoffman couldn’t get the image out of her mind. The night after the young woman’s funeral, Hoffman saw her ghost.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She was sitting next to me with long hair, touching my head very gently, telling me not to work so hard,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11914194\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11914194\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"2445\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda-800x1019.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda-1020x1299.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda-160x204.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda-1206x1536.jpg 1206w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/ColumbariumRotunda-1608x2048.jpg 1608w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The interior rotunda of the San Francisco Columbarium. \u003ccite>(Julie Zigoris/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The intense demands of the funerary profession — “people don’t die nine to five” and “there’s no holidays in this business” are sayings within the industry — lead many to see it as a service position akin to a firefighter, teacher or police officer. It’s a calling, not a career, and it’s one that often feels preordained.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A high school aptitude test suggested funeral director as a job for both Harpring and Kestenblatt. After shadowing a funeral director in his native Rochester, New York, Kestenblatt became so enamored with the work that he ran home and told his dad what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. “Couldn’t you pick something a little more lively?” his dad asked.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Those working in the funerary profession have been on the front lines of the pandemic, though they are often not recognized in the way that grocery clerks, mail carriers and doctors have been.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We are essential workers,” Harpring said, “and we never stopped working during the pandemic.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jessica Ferri, author of “Silent Cities: San Francisco,” agreed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Funeral directors are the best people. They remind me of teachers — they wouldn’t do it if they didn’t love it,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alongside the intense challenges come deep rewards. Kestenblatt, who has mentored numerous people for careers in the funerary profession, is always trying to find more people to work in the field.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s so rewarding when you get a letter from a family saying, we couldn’t have gotten through this without you,” he said. “That’s more rewarding than any paycheck.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite the rigorous demands of the job, funeral directors have learned how to imbue levity into their profession, in what is perhaps a necessary survival technique. “They take their work seriously but also have a great sense of humor,” Ferri said. Kestenblatt served coffee in a mug that said “Embalming Fluid (concentrated)” and Hoffman joked that her “neighbors” who have niches next to hers can’t die until they pay off their “forever apartment.” Hoffman, who bought her own niche years ago, proudly shows it off to other potential customers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Harpring loves to make people laugh during services and tries to get stories from family members that will elicit giggles. “You get the full emotional spectrum at a service,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I love the creativity and the freedom I have here,” said Kim Rifredi, caretaker of the columbarium. She organized the Halloween book signing and has photoshopped the landmark’s dome pink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The families who choose the columbarium tend to be creative as well, according to Rifredi. “I often find myself thinking, gee, I wish I knew that person,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11914183\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11914183\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1750\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium-800x729.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium-1020x930.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium-160x146.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/RefridiColumbarium-1536x1400.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kim Rifredi, caretaker of the San Francisco Columbarium. \u003ccite>(Julie Zigoris/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Creativity, perhaps, is baked into the funerary profession. During the training for his funeral director license, Harpring did an activity in which he and a partner pulled three characteristics of a death — who died, where and how — from a bowl full of options. They then had to use their imagination to devise a service appropriate to the person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The columbarium is a crucible of creativity, “every niche a poem, every room a novel,” as Bob Yount from Green Street Mortuary said. Yet perhaps the biggest tale the historical landmark is trying to tell is one of San Francisco itself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The columbarium is a love letter to San Francisco,” said Serena Brockelman, a former family service counselor at the columbarium.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s a beautiful piece of San Francisco history,” Harpring agreed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11914199\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11914199\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1558\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain-800x649.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain-1020x828.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain-160x130.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/CoitTowerFountain-1536x1246.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A Coit Tower-shaped fountain adorns the grounds of the San Francisco Columbarium. \u003ccite>(Julie Zigoris/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>With a Coit Tower-shaped fountain on the grounds, urns in the form of the painted ladies of Alamo Square and a longstanding embrace of the queer community, the columbarium and its tenants embody the spirit of the city.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>An array of characters inhabit its walls — people like Harry August Jansen, a Danish-born professional magician known as Dante the Magician, who traveled the world in the early 1900s and invented the famous catchphrase “Sim, Sala, Bim.” Dante the Magician and a grocery store owner are forever neighbors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s somewhat random, but it just feels right,” Harpring said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11914186\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1920px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11914186\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1265\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche-800x527.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche-1020x672.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche-160x105.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2022/05/HarveyMilkNiche-1536x1012.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A niche at the columbarium pays tribute to slain San Francisco supervisor Harvey Milk. Milk's ashes no longer reside in the building, but his family kept the niche in his honor. \u003ccite>(Julie Zigoris/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>There are also San Francisco celebrities: Harvey Milk, influential political powerbroker Rose Pak, and the father of Carlos Santana. Milk’s family has since decided to move his ashes elsewhere, but they kept the memorial niche in his honor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anchor Steam brewery founders Otto Schinkel and Ernst Baruth are side by side in the Notus room, Schinkel having died the most San Francisco of deaths — he was thrown from a streetcar that had slammed on its brakes — after making what would become the most San Francisco of beverages.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What do you have left when you die? The stories others tell about you. We spend our lives trying to accomplish and obtain, trying to live within the parameters of what looks good. But in the end it’s often the flaws and foibles, the anecdotes, that live on forever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You feel San Francisco in these walls,” said Heather Cann, a former office manager at the columbarium. “The rich history of its beginnings, the eccentricity of its residents and the passion for this city that binds it all together.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11914175/the-only-place-you-can-leave-your-heart-forever-in-san-francisco-the-inner-richmonds-palace-of-ashes","authors":["byline_news_11914175"],"categories":["news_223","news_8"],"tags":["news_31105","news_22434","news_160","news_38","news_6627"],"featImg":"news_11914179","label":"source_news_11914175"},"news_11859088":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11859088","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11859088","score":null,"sort":[1615813205000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"covid-19-and-personal-grief-advice-from-experts","title":"COVID-19 and Personal Grief: Advice from Experts","publishDate":1615813205,"format":"standard","headTitle":"KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Part of our series '\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/yearofcovid\">A Year of COVID\u003c/a>,' marking a year of the coronavirus pandemic\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A year after the pandemic began, more than 2.6 million people globally have died from the coronavirus.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the United States, COVID-19 has killed more than 530,000 people. And within California, more than 55,000 people have died.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These vast numbers remain hard to grasp — each one representing not just a person, but also a community of grieving friends and family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Much has been written of both \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2021/01/01/949329416/steamrolled-us-in-every-direction-the-year-grief-hit-from-all-sides\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">individual grief\u003c/a> and the ongoing feelings\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/04/were-not-ready-for-this-kind-of-grief/609856/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"> of collective loss during this period\u003c/a>. But what should be done about the indescribable brain fog and empty-heartedness that grief leaves a person with?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"All the ways that you cope and grieve with horrifying losses are kind of stripped during a crisis like this,\" said journalist Sam Levin on \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">KQED Forum\u003c/a>'s \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum/2010101881800/processing-the-grief-and-trauma-of-losing-a-loved-one-to-covid-19\">recent show dedicated to the grief and trauma\u003c/a> wrought by the COVID-19 death toll. \"And it makes it just exponentially harder and really is sort of a trauma on top of trauma.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Levin lost his grandmother, Debbie Hennessy, to COVID-19 in January, and wrote a \u003ca href=\"https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jan/31/my-grandmas-survival-in-america-defied-all-odds-then-covid-stole-her-from-us\">moving tribute to her in The Guardian\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/SamTLevin/status/1351590545836003328\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For California Assemblyman James Ramos, D-Highland, who is the first Native American elected to the state Assembly, there’s a different sense of a loss when it comes to COVID-19 and elders.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“When we lose them, it's a piece of our history and a piece of our knowledge that goes with them,\" Ramos — a member of the of the Serrano/Cahuilla tribe in San Bernardino County — told KQED Forum.\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">[aside postID=\"arts_13893843\"]\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's things that aren't written down,\" Ramos said. And with each human loss, \"a thread of the culture\" is lost too, he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For those experiencing grief during the pandemic — and particularly Black and Indigenous people of color (BIPOC), \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/09/16/913365560/the-majority-of-children-who-die-from-covid-19-are-children-of-color\">who have been so disproportionately impacted by the coronavirus \u003c/a>— what are some concrete ways individuals can work through the enormity of losing someone to COVID-19?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>KQED spoke with three experts who all professionally focus on end-of-life care and approach grieving from differing perspectives:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.oceanaendoflifedoula.com/end-of-life-doula\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Oceana Sawyer, \u003c/a>an end-of-life doula in the Bay Area,\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cardamomandkavate.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Roshni Kavate, \u003c/a>healer and activist, and former palliative care nurse\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://sbbh.net/provider/erika-felix/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Erika Felix, \u003c/a>a licensed psychologist and associate professor of clinical psychology at UC Santa Barbara\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>And keep in mind when reading this: as Felix noted on KQED Forum, “grief is not a one size fits all thing.\" Consider and take what works for you and leave the rest. Additional resources on processing grief \u003ca href=\"#anchor\">are listed at the bottom of this article\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Choose Someone You Can \u003cem>Really\u003c/em> Talk To\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>“The first thing I would suggest is the person get themselves a therapist,” said \u003ca href=\"https://www.oceanaendoflifedoula.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Oceana Sawyer, \u003c/a> who as an end-of-life doula provides supportive care to people during the dying process.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sawyer hosts a virtual \"death cafe\" for the BIPOC community, as well as events focusing on grief and the Black experience. It's important, Sawyer stresses, that the support you seek comes with the cultural competency you need. [pullquote size=\"medium\" align=\"right\" citation=\"Oceana Sawyer, death doula\"]'You want to be able to communicate your experience to someone who can actually hear it and receive it and reflect it back to you in its entirety.'[/pullquote]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You want to be able to communicate your experience to someone who can actually hear it and receive it, and reflect it back to you in its entirety,\" Sawyer said — emphasizing the particular importance for BIPOC folks of doing so without the \"need for code switching.\" Ideally, anyone who is sharing their experiences should not be \"impacted by microaggressions at a moment in time where you're at your most vulnerable,\" she added.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The importance of cultural competency in professional support was echoed on KQED Forum's show by Los Angeles Times reporter Brittny Mejia, who has been personally been working through the death of her own loved ones from COVID-19 while simultaneously reporting on the pandemic in L.A.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mejia said her therapist is also Mexican American, which has \"been a huge help to me that she kind of understands my family dynamic.\" \"She gets it\" Mejia said — emphasizing that \"it makes a huge difference for me to have a therapist like her.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All of this matters, Oceana Sawyer says, because the communities of color she works with have been dying from the virus at disproportionate rates. And that means their grief is also happening in “the context of medical racism, which doesn't provide adequate care for Black and brown Indigenous bodies,” she says — and all amid the “ongoing racial oppression and white supremacy” in the United States.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"For us, it's more complex,\" Sawyer said. \"All these different layers are happening.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11837589\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 1900px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11837589\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1900\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy.png 1900w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy-800x539.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy-1020x687.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy-160x108.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy-1536x1035.png 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1900px) 100vw, 1900px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Resources on finding culturally competent affordable therapy can be found below. \u003ccite>(Gender Spectrum Collection/Broadly)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch3>Remember That Grief Might Not Feel (or Look) Like You Think\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Erika Felix echoes the importance of having a support system. “We all know that there's no words that can take away such a profound loss,” she said — and still, she notes, we \u003cem>need\u003c/em> our networks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If it's someone close to you going through grief, Felix recommends checking in, but staying adaptable on the support you offer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Maybe they want to talk that day, maybe they don't,\" Felix said. \"Maybe it just feels good to have somebody remember that they're going through this and grieving.\" And just knowing that you're “willing to walk through it with them,” she added, is important for a person's healing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While the five stages of grief may be more well known — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance — the fact that everyone goes through them differently can be hard to reconcile with close family and friends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We might go through phases of depression and eventually come out at the other end with acceptance and being able to hold the memories and move forward,\" said Felix.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But people also move \u003cem>in and out\u003c/em> of each stage in many different ways, Felix said. \"Depending on somebody’s culture and family, and how they process emotions, even within families, grief can look very different,\" she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each person's grief and each family's grief may look different and go through many continual phases. If you're the one experiencing grief, be aware of this and be kind to yourself. And if you're the one offering support, know that a loved one's grief might not take the form or process you anticipated.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>Allow Your Body to Feel Your Grief \u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\"Grief is a full-body sport,\" says Roshni Kavate, who grew up in India and worked for several years as an ICU and palliative care nurse in the Bay Area. \"It shows up in your body and in your heart.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kavate now focuses on reclaiming nourishing practices rooted in ancestral wisdom, often working with people who are experiencing grief by mixing art and ritual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kavate says she left nursing after 12 years because she wanted to see a greater sense of caring in the bereavement process. \"I want to do it with beauty and intention; with celebrating,\" she said. And creating or recreating personal rituals for your body and brain to enact can allow those experiencing grief to rethink the shattered sense of meaning in their lives and regain a sense of control, she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You cannot control grief. It dictates when it’s going to show up,” Kavate said. But with ritual, she said, \"you can get curious in that space.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She also sees it as a cyclical process. Healing is often thought of with an endpoint, but as Kavate says, you don’t need to try to get to the end — since there \u003cem>is\u003c/em> no end. “If we can really feel the depth of emotion in our body,\" she notes, that will help the process.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oceana Sawyer also highlights how both movement and sound — known as somatic or vocal processing — can be a way of moving through grief. This can be particularly powerful for BIPOC grievers, she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The whole thing about the full-body wailing — the singing, the moving, the dancing … It's part of how Black bodies actually metabolize grief,” Sawyer said. “When you move your body in a certain way — that rocking, that swing, you add a hum to it — those things together actually calm the nervous system, and allow the body to process big emotional experiences.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11835632\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 1900px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11835632\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1900\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp.png 1900w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp-800x539.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp-1020x687.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp-160x108.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp-1536x1035.png 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1900px) 100vw, 1900px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Listen to how you speak to yourself. Are you showing the same understanding and compassion that you'd extend to a friend? \u003ccite>(Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>Move Your Body \u003cem>Into\u003c/em> Nature\u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Paying attention to your grief through journaling or meditation has huge value, Sawyer said, \"but I \u003cem>really\u003c/em> recommend that people start moving around: specifically for BIPOC folks.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sawyer recommends people notice and observe their body, \"meditate, move — get out in nature and just start moving, noticing how it feels in your body, where the emotions are in your body,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kavate agrees that nature is a wonderful remedy. This could be something as simple as taking care of a plant for a kitchen garden, taking a hike in nature, or a trip to the beach — anything you can do to tend to life, while going through loss.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“When [we] are grieving, we don’t take care of ourselves,” Kavate said. \"An antidote to grief is life,” she said, and urges ways to find “a deeper kinship with living beings, and life.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>Consider Connecting With Family and Ancestral Forms of Healing\u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Delving deeper into ancestral wisdom can be useful for immigrants as well as first, second and third generation Americans, Kavate says. The question she advises asking: \"What in your culture was medicine?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If it was food-based, this could be answered by eating your grandmother's favorite lamb meatballs, for example, or eating a mango. Kavate encourages people to particularly look into foods that bring you comfort — which could be traditional medicinal food, like stews, beans, rice and lentils. The smell of these foods, Kavate says, can also be powerful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Grief is really a calling for more joy and more life,” she said — and it's important for people to “tend” to what is calling us and our bodies. “Our bodies are deeply intelligent and they have intelligence in how to navigate grief,\" she adds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>Finally, Say No to Guilt\u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>As Felix told KQED Forum, when it comes to housing inequities and work, sometimes people — particularly BIPOC folks — are given “impossible choices on survival\" in terms of navigating exposure, work and a constantly changing and mutating viruses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You could do everything right, and somebody could still get it [COVID-19],” Felix said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While guilt is understandable, Felix says it's about not letting it stop a person moving forward. To reframe the perspective, Felix poses the question of how someone might treat a friend in a similar situation, — “what would they say to their best friend to comfort them?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca id=\"anchor\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Resources:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.nctsn.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">National Child Traumatic Stress Network\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.apa.org/helpcenter\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">American Psychological Association Help Center\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.nlpa.ws/find-an-expert#/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">National Latinx Psychological Association\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://abpsi.site-ym.com/search/custom.asp?id=5934\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Association of Black Psychologists, Find a Therapist\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://kara-grief.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Kara Grief Support\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/groups/2032852766832910\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">COVID-19 Loss Support Group for Young Adults, a Facebook group\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/groups/2032852766832910\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Motherless Daughters, Facebook group\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>An \u003ca href=\"https://refugeingrief.com/helper-overview/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">overview on how to help a grieving friend\u003c/a> from Megan Devine\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.covidgriefnetwork.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The COVID Grief Network\u003c/a> offers free one-on-one and group grief support for young adults\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>More resources from \u003ca href=\"https://alicaforneret.com/aboutme\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Alica Forneret\u003c/a>, founder of Dead Mom’s Club\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>List of \u003ca href=\"https://bookshop.org/lists/books-for-a-grieving-friend\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">books on grief,\u003c/a> curated by journalist Katie Hawkins-Garr\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://letsreimagine.org/resources/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Let's Reimagine\u003c/a>, resources and community events\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://open.spotify.com/show/75hicI0owzQKJmUuFwP4oc?si=oKkkEJ92TxWADTLrl2z2KQ\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Grief Out Loud\u003c/a>, a podcast on grief from \u003ca href=\"https://www.dougy.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Dougy Center\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"'Grief is not a one size fits all thing,' said Erika Felix, a psychologist and associate professor of clinical psychology at UC Santa Barbara. Here are some tips to support yourself and others working through grief.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1616085083,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":47,"wordCount":2027},"headData":{"title":"COVID-19 and Personal Grief: Advice from Experts | KQED","description":"'Grief is not a one size fits all thing,' said Erika Felix, a psychologist and associate professor of clinical psychology at UC Santa Barbara. Here are some tips to support yourself and others working through grief.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"COVID-19 and Personal Grief: Advice from Experts","datePublished":"2021-03-15T13:00:05.000Z","dateModified":"2021-03-18T16:31:23.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11859088 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11859088","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2021/03/15/covid-19-and-personal-grief-advice-from-experts/","disqusTitle":"COVID-19 and Personal Grief: Advice from Experts","path":"/news/11859088/covid-19-and-personal-grief-advice-from-experts","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Part of our series '\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/yearofcovid\">A Year of COVID\u003c/a>,' marking a year of the coronavirus pandemic\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A year after the pandemic began, more than 2.6 million people globally have died from the coronavirus.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the United States, COVID-19 has killed more than 530,000 people. And within California, more than 55,000 people have died.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These vast numbers remain hard to grasp — each one representing not just a person, but also a community of grieving friends and family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Much has been written of both \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2021/01/01/949329416/steamrolled-us-in-every-direction-the-year-grief-hit-from-all-sides\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">individual grief\u003c/a> and the ongoing feelings\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/04/were-not-ready-for-this-kind-of-grief/609856/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"> of collective loss during this period\u003c/a>. But what should be done about the indescribable brain fog and empty-heartedness that grief leaves a person with?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"All the ways that you cope and grieve with horrifying losses are kind of stripped during a crisis like this,\" said journalist Sam Levin on \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">KQED Forum\u003c/a>'s \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum/2010101881800/processing-the-grief-and-trauma-of-losing-a-loved-one-to-covid-19\">recent show dedicated to the grief and trauma\u003c/a> wrought by the COVID-19 death toll. \"And it makes it just exponentially harder and really is sort of a trauma on top of trauma.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Levin lost his grandmother, Debbie Hennessy, to COVID-19 in January, and wrote a \u003ca href=\"https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jan/31/my-grandmas-survival-in-america-defied-all-odds-then-covid-stole-her-from-us\">moving tribute to her in The Guardian\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"singleTwitterStatus","attributes":{"named":{"id":"1351590545836003328"},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>For California Assemblyman James Ramos, D-Highland, who is the first Native American elected to the state Assembly, there’s a different sense of a loss when it comes to COVID-19 and elders.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“When we lose them, it's a piece of our history and a piece of our knowledge that goes with them,\" Ramos — a member of the of the Serrano/Cahuilla tribe in San Bernardino County — told KQED Forum.\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"aside","attributes":{"named":{"postid":"arts_13893843","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's things that aren't written down,\" Ramos said. And with each human loss, \"a thread of the culture\" is lost too, he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For those experiencing grief during the pandemic — and particularly Black and Indigenous people of color (BIPOC), \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/09/16/913365560/the-majority-of-children-who-die-from-covid-19-are-children-of-color\">who have been so disproportionately impacted by the coronavirus \u003c/a>— what are some concrete ways individuals can work through the enormity of losing someone to COVID-19?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>KQED spoke with three experts who all professionally focus on end-of-life care and approach grieving from differing perspectives:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.oceanaendoflifedoula.com/end-of-life-doula\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Oceana Sawyer, \u003c/a>an end-of-life doula in the Bay Area,\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cardamomandkavate.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Roshni Kavate, \u003c/a>healer and activist, and former palliative care nurse\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://sbbh.net/provider/erika-felix/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Erika Felix, \u003c/a>a licensed psychologist and associate professor of clinical psychology at UC Santa Barbara\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>And keep in mind when reading this: as Felix noted on KQED Forum, “grief is not a one size fits all thing.\" Consider and take what works for you and leave the rest. Additional resources on processing grief \u003ca href=\"#anchor\">are listed at the bottom of this article\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Choose Someone You Can \u003cem>Really\u003c/em> Talk To\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>“The first thing I would suggest is the person get themselves a therapist,” said \u003ca href=\"https://www.oceanaendoflifedoula.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Oceana Sawyer, \u003c/a> who as an end-of-life doula provides supportive care to people during the dying process.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sawyer hosts a virtual \"death cafe\" for the BIPOC community, as well as events focusing on grief and the Black experience. It's important, Sawyer stresses, that the support you seek comes with the cultural competency you need. \u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"'You want to be able to communicate your experience to someone who can actually hear it and receive it and reflect it back to you in its entirety.'","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Oceana Sawyer, death doula","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You want to be able to communicate your experience to someone who can actually hear it and receive it, and reflect it back to you in its entirety,\" Sawyer said — emphasizing the particular importance for BIPOC folks of doing so without the \"need for code switching.\" Ideally, anyone who is sharing their experiences should not be \"impacted by microaggressions at a moment in time where you're at your most vulnerable,\" she added.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The importance of cultural competency in professional support was echoed on KQED Forum's show by Los Angeles Times reporter Brittny Mejia, who has been personally been working through the death of her own loved ones from COVID-19 while simultaneously reporting on the pandemic in L.A.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mejia said her therapist is also Mexican American, which has \"been a huge help to me that she kind of understands my family dynamic.\" \"She gets it\" Mejia said — emphasizing that \"it makes a huge difference for me to have a therapist like her.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All of this matters, Oceana Sawyer says, because the communities of color she works with have been dying from the virus at disproportionate rates. And that means their grief is also happening in “the context of medical racism, which doesn't provide adequate care for Black and brown Indigenous bodies,” she says — and all amid the “ongoing racial oppression and white supremacy” in the United States.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"For us, it's more complex,\" Sawyer said. \"All these different layers are happening.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11837589\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 1900px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11837589\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1900\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy.png 1900w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy-800x539.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy-1020x687.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy-160x108.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/therapy-1536x1035.png 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1900px) 100vw, 1900px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Resources on finding culturally competent affordable therapy can be found below. \u003ccite>(Gender Spectrum Collection/Broadly)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch3>Remember That Grief Might Not Feel (or Look) Like You Think\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Erika Felix echoes the importance of having a support system. “We all know that there's no words that can take away such a profound loss,” she said — and still, she notes, we \u003cem>need\u003c/em> our networks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If it's someone close to you going through grief, Felix recommends checking in, but staying adaptable on the support you offer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Maybe they want to talk that day, maybe they don't,\" Felix said. \"Maybe it just feels good to have somebody remember that they're going through this and grieving.\" And just knowing that you're “willing to walk through it with them,” she added, is important for a person's healing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While the five stages of grief may be more well known — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance — the fact that everyone goes through them differently can be hard to reconcile with close family and friends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We might go through phases of depression and eventually come out at the other end with acceptance and being able to hold the memories and move forward,\" said Felix.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But people also move \u003cem>in and out\u003c/em> of each stage in many different ways, Felix said. \"Depending on somebody’s culture and family, and how they process emotions, even within families, grief can look very different,\" she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each person's grief and each family's grief may look different and go through many continual phases. If you're the one experiencing grief, be aware of this and be kind to yourself. And if you're the one offering support, know that a loved one's grief might not take the form or process you anticipated.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>Allow Your Body to Feel Your Grief \u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\"Grief is a full-body sport,\" says Roshni Kavate, who grew up in India and worked for several years as an ICU and palliative care nurse in the Bay Area. \"It shows up in your body and in your heart.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kavate now focuses on reclaiming nourishing practices rooted in ancestral wisdom, often working with people who are experiencing grief by mixing art and ritual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kavate says she left nursing after 12 years because she wanted to see a greater sense of caring in the bereavement process. \"I want to do it with beauty and intention; with celebrating,\" she said. And creating or recreating personal rituals for your body and brain to enact can allow those experiencing grief to rethink the shattered sense of meaning in their lives and regain a sense of control, she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You cannot control grief. It dictates when it’s going to show up,” Kavate said. But with ritual, she said, \"you can get curious in that space.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She also sees it as a cyclical process. Healing is often thought of with an endpoint, but as Kavate says, you don’t need to try to get to the end — since there \u003cem>is\u003c/em> no end. “If we can really feel the depth of emotion in our body,\" she notes, that will help the process.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oceana Sawyer also highlights how both movement and sound — known as somatic or vocal processing — can be a way of moving through grief. This can be particularly powerful for BIPOC grievers, she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The whole thing about the full-body wailing — the singing, the moving, the dancing … It's part of how Black bodies actually metabolize grief,” Sawyer said. “When you move your body in a certain way — that rocking, that swing, you add a hum to it — those things together actually calm the nervous system, and allow the body to process big emotional experiences.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11835632\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 1900px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11835632\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1900\" height=\"1280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp.png 1900w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp-800x539.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp-1020x687.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp-160x108.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/08/stress-comp-1536x1035.png 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1900px) 100vw, 1900px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Listen to how you speak to yourself. Are you showing the same understanding and compassion that you'd extend to a friend? \u003ccite>(Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>Move Your Body \u003cem>Into\u003c/em> Nature\u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Paying attention to your grief through journaling or meditation has huge value, Sawyer said, \"but I \u003cem>really\u003c/em> recommend that people start moving around: specifically for BIPOC folks.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sawyer recommends people notice and observe their body, \"meditate, move — get out in nature and just start moving, noticing how it feels in your body, where the emotions are in your body,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kavate agrees that nature is a wonderful remedy. This could be something as simple as taking care of a plant for a kitchen garden, taking a hike in nature, or a trip to the beach — anything you can do to tend to life, while going through loss.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“When [we] are grieving, we don’t take care of ourselves,” Kavate said. \"An antidote to grief is life,” she said, and urges ways to find “a deeper kinship with living beings, and life.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>Consider Connecting With Family and Ancestral Forms of Healing\u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Delving deeper into ancestral wisdom can be useful for immigrants as well as first, second and third generation Americans, Kavate says. The question she advises asking: \"What in your culture was medicine?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If it was food-based, this could be answered by eating your grandmother's favorite lamb meatballs, for example, or eating a mango. Kavate encourages people to particularly look into foods that bring you comfort — which could be traditional medicinal food, like stews, beans, rice and lentils. The smell of these foods, Kavate says, can also be powerful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Grief is really a calling for more joy and more life,” she said — and it's important for people to “tend” to what is calling us and our bodies. “Our bodies are deeply intelligent and they have intelligence in how to navigate grief,\" she adds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>Finally, Say No to Guilt\u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>As Felix told KQED Forum, when it comes to housing inequities and work, sometimes people — particularly BIPOC folks — are given “impossible choices on survival\" in terms of navigating exposure, work and a constantly changing and mutating viruses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You could do everything right, and somebody could still get it [COVID-19],” Felix said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While guilt is understandable, Felix says it's about not letting it stop a person moving forward. To reframe the perspective, Felix poses the question of how someone might treat a friend in a similar situation, — “what would they say to their best friend to comfort them?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca id=\"anchor\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Resources:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.nctsn.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">National Child Traumatic Stress Network\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.apa.org/helpcenter\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">American Psychological Association Help Center\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.nlpa.ws/find-an-expert#/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">National Latinx Psychological Association\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://abpsi.site-ym.com/search/custom.asp?id=5934\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Association of Black Psychologists, Find a Therapist\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://kara-grief.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Kara Grief Support\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/groups/2032852766832910\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">COVID-19 Loss Support Group for Young Adults, a Facebook group\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/groups/2032852766832910\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Motherless Daughters, Facebook group\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>An \u003ca href=\"https://refugeingrief.com/helper-overview/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">overview on how to help a grieving friend\u003c/a> from Megan Devine\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.covidgriefnetwork.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The COVID Grief Network\u003c/a> offers free one-on-one and group grief support for young adults\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>More resources from \u003ca href=\"https://alicaforneret.com/aboutme\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Alica Forneret\u003c/a>, founder of Dead Mom’s Club\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>List of \u003ca href=\"https://bookshop.org/lists/books-for-a-grieving-friend\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">books on grief,\u003c/a> curated by journalist Katie Hawkins-Garr\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://letsreimagine.org/resources/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Let's Reimagine\u003c/a>, resources and community events\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://open.spotify.com/show/75hicI0owzQKJmUuFwP4oc?si=oKkkEJ92TxWADTLrl2z2KQ\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Grief Out Loud\u003c/a>, a podcast on grief from \u003ca href=\"https://www.dougy.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Dougy Center\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11859088/covid-19-and-personal-grief-advice-from-experts","authors":["11626","243"],"categories":["news_457","news_8"],"tags":["news_29216","news_27350","news_27980","news_29029","news_27504","news_22434","news_28949","news_18543","news_28951","news_2109"],"featImg":"news_11859089","label":"news"},"news_11852133":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11852133","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11852133","score":null,"sort":[1608481866000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"psychologist-on-why-funerals-are-fundamental-to-processing-grief","title":"Psychologist on Why Funerals Are Fundamental to Processing Grief","publishDate":1608481866,"format":"standard","headTitle":"KQED News","labelTerm":{},"content":"\u003cp>As the U.S. marks 300,000 dead, it's impossible to capture the grief families around the country are experiencing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each person who dies of COVID-19 has a story. But many of those left behind no longer have access to the traditional ways of remembering the dead. Funerals are often happening over Zoom or as stripped-down, socially distant affairs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hugs aren't safe anymore.\u003cbr>\n[pullquote size=\"medium\" align=\"right\" citation=\"Christy Denckla, clinical psychologist specializing in grief\"]'Because it is ongoing, the scope of the loss is hard to appreciate in the moment. It will take time and there will be ripple effects for years after this as we grapple with the full scope of this loss.[/pullquote]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The lack of coming together to grieve will have long-term consequences even after the pandemic subsides, says Christy Denckla. She is a research associate at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health and a clinical psychologist specializing in grief.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Because it is ongoing, the scope of the loss is hard to appreciate in the moment,\" Denckla tells \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em>. \"It will take time and there will be ripple effects for years after this as we grapple with the full scope of this loss.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Denckla talked about why funerals and coming together are important for people to process death. Here are excerpts from the interview:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>What is it that we get from a funeral in more normal times, how do they help us grieve, how do they help us heal?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Funerals and the rituals that go along with mourning that loss are really fundamental to a number of processes. They're fundamental to how we mourn, to how we grieve, to how we reinforce social ties, to how we expand the social safety net in times of vulnerability and loss. And more fundamentally, they reflect what it means for us to be human and for us to love and for us to connect.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And there are cultural practices for these that vary widely across the world. But in each of these, they share a common infrastructure of bonding and gathering collectively.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Can you give any specifics on the consequences of not being able to mourn as we usually are?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of the things that we're observing, or that we know about COVID so far, is that the typical ways that people begin to grapple with the death of loved ones is being lost. People can't be at the bedside. People can't say goodbye to their loved ones. And often the loss comes unexpectedly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And so we do know that there are multiple steps involved in coming to terms with the loss of a loved one. And one of those is seeing the physical body. And people now cannot see the physical body because of the requirements of social distancing to prevent the spread.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This concerns me. This is a troubling consequence of COVID-19 loss, and we don't know how that will play out over time. But we can expect that there will be potential difficulties, really grappling with the loss, as people mourn and grieve.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>For those among us who are grieving right now and having to do so alone, do you have any advice?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My best advice would be to connect. There are aspects of grieving that are done alone, but there are also aspects of grieving that are done in community and groups. And we must connect. We must connect to friends. We must connect to social support. We must connect. And this can be done virtually. It can be done by phone calls. It can be done through social media. The bereavement community has mounted a formidable response to provide online support services for people who are facing grief.[aside tag=\"coronavirus\" label=\"More Related Stories\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>And what about offline? I'm wondering if the value of a handwritten note of sympathy takes on even more meaning and comfort in this moment where we don't have all of the other support structures in place?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Absolutely. Written notes, deliveries, offering tangible support, little things, going to the grocery store, helping to deal with the many things that are left undone in mourning and grieving loved ones. There are ways to offer tangible and emotional (support) to those who are bereaved right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Meera Venkat and Courtney Dorning produced and edited the audio interview. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Psychologist+On+Why+Funerals+Are+Fundamental+To+Processing+Grief+&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"People being unable to gather or see the bodies of people who died of COVID-19 is having profound psychological effects that will last for years, says psychologist Christy Denckla of Harvard.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1610566156,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":20,"wordCount":748},"headData":{"title":"Psychologist on Why Funerals Are Fundamental to Processing Grief | KQED","description":"People being unable to gather or see the bodies of people who died of COVID-19 is having profound psychological effects that will last for years, says psychologist Christy Denckla of Harvard.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"Psychologist on Why Funerals Are Fundamental to Processing Grief","datePublished":"2020-12-20T16:31:06.000Z","dateModified":"2021-01-13T19:29:16.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11852133 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11852133","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2020/12/20/psychologist-on-why-funerals-are-fundamental-to-processing-grief/","disqusTitle":"Psychologist on Why Funerals Are Fundamental to Processing Grief","source":"NPR","sourceUrl":"https://www.npr.org/","nprImageCredit":"Andrew Caballero-Reynolds","nprByline":"Mary Louise Kelly, James Doubek","nprImageAgency":"AFP via Getty Images","nprStoryId":"946402101","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=946402101&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/12/14/946402101/psychologist-on-why-funerals-are-fundamental-to-processing-grief?ft=nprml&f=946402101","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Mon, 14 Dec 2020 20:09:00 -0500","nprStoryDate":"Mon, 14 Dec 2020 18:30:00 -0500","nprLastModifiedDate":"Mon, 14 Dec 2020 20:01:59 -0500","nprAudio":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/atc/2020/12/20201214_atc_psychologist_on_the_need_to_grieve_as_a_community_during_the_pandemic.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1128&aggIds=812054919&d=299&p=2&story=946402101&ft=nprml&f=946402101","nprAudioM3u":"http://api.npr.org/m3u/1946420839-766f84.m3u?orgId=1&topicId=1128&aggIds=812054919&d=299&p=2&story=946402101&ft=nprml&f=946402101","path":"/news/11852133/psychologist-on-why-funerals-are-fundamental-to-processing-grief","audioUrl":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/atc/2020/12/20201214_atc_psychologist_on_the_need_to_grieve_as_a_community_during_the_pandemic.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1128&aggIds=812054919&d=299&p=2&story=946402101&ft=nprml&f=946402101","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>As the U.S. marks 300,000 dead, it's impossible to capture the grief families around the country are experiencing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each person who dies of COVID-19 has a story. But many of those left behind no longer have access to the traditional ways of remembering the dead. Funerals are often happening over Zoom or as stripped-down, socially distant affairs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hugs aren't safe anymore.\u003cbr>\n\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"'Because it is ongoing, the scope of the loss is hard to appreciate in the moment. It will take time and there will be ripple effects for years after this as we grapple with the full scope of this loss.","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Christy Denckla, clinical psychologist specializing in grief","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The lack of coming together to grieve will have long-term consequences even after the pandemic subsides, says Christy Denckla. She is a research associate at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health and a clinical psychologist specializing in grief.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Because it is ongoing, the scope of the loss is hard to appreciate in the moment,\" Denckla tells \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em>. \"It will take time and there will be ripple effects for years after this as we grapple with the full scope of this loss.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Denckla talked about why funerals and coming together are important for people to process death. Here are excerpts from the interview:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>What is it that we get from a funeral in more normal times, how do they help us grieve, how do they help us heal?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Funerals and the rituals that go along with mourning that loss are really fundamental to a number of processes. They're fundamental to how we mourn, to how we grieve, to how we reinforce social ties, to how we expand the social safety net in times of vulnerability and loss. And more fundamentally, they reflect what it means for us to be human and for us to love and for us to connect.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And there are cultural practices for these that vary widely across the world. But in each of these, they share a common infrastructure of bonding and gathering collectively.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Can you give any specifics on the consequences of not being able to mourn as we usually are?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of the things that we're observing, or that we know about COVID so far, is that the typical ways that people begin to grapple with the death of loved ones is being lost. People can't be at the bedside. People can't say goodbye to their loved ones. And often the loss comes unexpectedly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And so we do know that there are multiple steps involved in coming to terms with the loss of a loved one. And one of those is seeing the physical body. And people now cannot see the physical body because of the requirements of social distancing to prevent the spread.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This concerns me. This is a troubling consequence of COVID-19 loss, and we don't know how that will play out over time. But we can expect that there will be potential difficulties, really grappling with the loss, as people mourn and grieve.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>For those among us who are grieving right now and having to do so alone, do you have any advice?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My best advice would be to connect. There are aspects of grieving that are done alone, but there are also aspects of grieving that are done in community and groups. And we must connect. We must connect to friends. We must connect to social support. We must connect. And this can be done virtually. It can be done by phone calls. It can be done through social media. The bereavement community has mounted a formidable response to provide online support services for people who are facing grief.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"aside","attributes":{"named":{"tag":"coronavirus","label":"More Related Stories "},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>And what about offline? I'm wondering if the value of a handwritten note of sympathy takes on even more meaning and comfort in this moment where we don't have all of the other support structures in place?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Absolutely. Written notes, deliveries, offering tangible support, little things, going to the grocery store, helping to deal with the many things that are left undone in mourning and grieving loved ones. There are ways to offer tangible and emotional (support) to those who are bereaved right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Meera Venkat and Courtney Dorning produced and edited the audio interview. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Psychologist+On+Why+Funerals+Are+Fundamental+To+Processing+Grief+&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11852133/psychologist-on-why-funerals-are-fundamental-to-processing-grief","authors":["byline_news_11852133"],"categories":["news_8"],"tags":["news_27350","news_29029","news_27504","news_22434","news_28950","news_28949","news_28951","news_28952"],"featImg":"news_11852137","label":"source_news_11852133"},"news_11838180":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11838180","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11838180","score":null,"sort":[1600470722000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-to-talk-about-death-and-dying-during-a-pandemic","title":"How to Talk About Death and Dying During a Pandemic","publishDate":1600470722,"format":"audio","headTitle":"The California Report Magazine | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":26731,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>Dr. Jessica Zitter specializes in critical and palliative care medicine and practices at Highland Hospital in Oakland, where she helps people with serious illness talk about how they want to live, all the way to the end.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zitter says those are conversations we all should be having with our loved ones — even if we’re healthy and young. She is the author of \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/GEp6CyPmRxsNByzzfZXprl?domain=jessicazitter.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Extreme Measures: Finding a Better Path to the End of Life,\u003c/a> and her work has been featured in the documentary \u003ca href=\"https://www.netflix.com/title/80106307\">\"Extremis\"\u003c/a> on Netflix, as well as the forthcoming film \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/YsLqCzpn0ysRjmppUXnBtw?domain=caregiveralovestory.com\">\"Caregiver: A Love Story.\" \u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here are three stories about her patients, followed by some concrete tools you can use for planning and talking about the end of your life with loved ones.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Michael Thomas: 'Enjoying Every Moment'\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Michael Thomas is 64 and has COPD, a lung disease that makes it hard to breathe. He has already been in and out of the hospital several times this year and is particularly vulnerable if he were to get sick with COVID-19.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Zitter talked with him over Zoom this spring, she asked him what he wanted most. His answer? To be with his children and grandchildren in Ohio. But he also said he didn't feel a sense of urgency to visit them, because he believed he had plenty of time left.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11838731\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11838731\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"Michael Thomas' family visits him in an Ohio hospital.\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Michael Thomas' family visits him in an Ohio hospital. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Michael Thomas)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“You are a more confident person than I am about myself!” Zitter told him. “I want to be totally frank with you, because I think you deserve that. I’m concerned you may not have as much time to live as you think you do. If someone told me, 'Michael is going to die within the next six months,' I would not be surprised.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zitter said she has to steel herself to deliver this kind of news. But she believes her patients deserve to know the truth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I know you have some serious goals, and they include being with family,\" she told Thomas. \"I would hate for you to miss that opportunity.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[pullquote size=\"medium\" align=\"right\" citation=\"Dr. Jessica Zitter, critical and palliative care specialist\"]'This is really what palliative care is all about. It's about how people want to live their lives. That informs how people want to die. But it really starts with how they want to live.'[/pullquote]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas has since moved to Ohio to be close to his family — a decision sparked by his conversation with Zitter and Highland Hospital's chaplain, Pastor Betty Clark.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I didn't want to come home. I didn't want my family to see me in the condition that I'm in,\" Thomas told Zitter over zoom after his move to Ohio. \"That's why I was hesitant to come. But then I know they love me so much. And here I am today, enjoying every moment.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It just shows that if we can just bring ourselves to just face our mortality and plan for it, we can get what Michael got,\" Zitter said. \"We can get this precious time with the people that he loved the most or whatever it is that's most important to you.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11838351\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11838351\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Dr. Jessica Zitter with a patient at Highland Hospital in Oakland. \" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Dr. Jessica Zitter with a patient at Highland Hospital in Oakland. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Jessica Zitter)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch3>Evelyn Jarillo: 'It Makes You Think About Others'\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Evelyn Jarillo is a grocery store worker in Los Angeles who got sick with COVID-19 in March. She recovered, but her husband, who has diabetes, also tested positive and is still suffering from health complications. She's also worried about her 22-year-old son.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"When you're sick and you're feeling the way you feel, it makes you think about others,\" Jarillo told Zitter when they spoke by Zoom recently. \"It made you think about what happens if my son gets sick, what happens if he doesn't make it? No mother will be able to deal with [talking to] their kids about, ‘Son, if you die tomorrow, what do you want me to do?’ \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Wait, let me make sure I understand,\" Zitter said. \"Are you saying you can't ask your son, 'What you want me to do if you got COVID and you were in the hospital on a ventilator?' You don't feel like you could talk to him about that?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I can't,\" Jarillo told her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Evelyn saw something that most of us don't get a chance to see,\" said Zitter. \"She saw the potential for death.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like many of us, when Jarillo thought about members of her family dying, she faced a mental block, Zitter said. It seemed easier for Jarillo to share her thoughts about flower arrangements for her own funeral than to think about tough topics like a do-not-resuscitate order or discussing it with her children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[aside tag=\"end-of-life\" label=\"related coverage\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zitter had a similar conversation with her own son on his 18th birthday by playing a game called \u003ca href=\"http://www.gowish.org/\">Go Wish\u003c/a>. The game helps families talk about their preferences around death and the important things they want to hold on to throughout the course of their life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Like Evelyn, the last thing I want to do is think about my children dying,\" said Zitter. \"It's just grim. It's horrifying. It feels in some ways like not what a mother does, right? A mother is supposed to focus on the positives, the weddings. We're not supposed to focus on the deathbed moments of a child. But asking open-ended questions is something you can and should do with your family. Just leaving space for more.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zitter has conducted workshops on death and dying with teenagers. Just like sex education, she says, there should be a place for death education in high schools.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Andrew Rich: 'This Is Where I Want to Die'\u003c/h3>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11838192\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11838192\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut-800x803.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"803\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut-800x803.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut-1020x1024.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut-160x161.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut-1530x1536.jpg 1530w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut.jpg 1904w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Andrew Rich with his dad, Neville Rich. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Andrew Rich.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Andrew Rich traveled to Sonoma early in the pandemic to celebrate his dad's 92nd birthday. During the visit, his father got sick. They didn’t realize it was COVID-19, and when his father had great difficulty breathing, the family decided to bring him to an emergency room. He spent two weeks on a ventilator and then died alone in the hospital, because COVID-19 rules meant no one could visit him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rich said that was not what his dad had planned when he imagined his death.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"If we could rewind the clock two weeks to that Sunday morning when he collapsed, if we could have put him back in bed and said, 'Dad, there’s the high likelihood that you have COVID and you're 92, what do you want to do?' He absolutely would have said, 'Leave me here. This is where I want to be. I want to be in this bedroom looking out in the valley. And if I die, this is where I want to die,' \" Rich said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The best-laid plans can get completely upended in the face of fear and illness and symptoms and your family not being there with you,\" said Zitter, who recommends that families talk proactively about their wishes. \"These conversations have to happen early and frequently. We have to get over the fear of talking about it and make it part of our family's conversations around the dinner table.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zitter said that she is \"very much committed\" to critical care medicine and said that it is \"in some ways miraculous.\" But Zitter says the medicine that keeps us alive should not distract us from the truth of our mortality.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We've watched the rise of the hospital and the intensive care unit to the point that we've become enamored of the many interventions and treatments that we consider to be the offerings of our modern medical system,\" she said. \"We've really lost the discriminating power and allowed ourselves to get completely distracted from making the preparations we need to face death, from thinking about our deaths and how we want to live, right to the end.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"This is really what palliative care is all about. It's about how people want to live their lives,\" Zitter said. \"That informs how people want to die. But it really starts with how they want to live.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>Resources\u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Here are things you can do to prepare, no matter your age or health.\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Play “\u003ca href=\"http://gowish.org/\">Go Wish\u003c/a>” with your loved ones. The game helps people start talking about what is most important to them in terms of health and life.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Have a conversation about death at the dinner table. The interactive website \u003ca href=\"https://deathoverdinner.org/\">Death Over Dinner\u003c/a> can help you plan your conversation.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Write up an \u003ca href=\"https://www.nhpco.org/patients-and-caregivers/advance-care-planning/advance-directives/downloading-your-states-advance-directive/\">Advance Directive\u003c/a> and give it to your doctors and your loved ones. This document should be reviewed whenever your medical condition changes or you learn new information about an illness or condition.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>People with advanced illness who are considered to be at risk for a life-threatening clinical event should talk to their doctor about completing a \u003ca href=\"https://polst.org/form-patients\">POLST\u003c/a> form. A POLST form is a medical order that documents a person’s preferences for receiving or not receiving certain types of medical interventions (for example, chest compressions, a feeding tube or a breathing tube).\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>If needed, execute a \u003ca href=\"https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/california-financial-power-of-attorney-31871.html\">Durable Financial Power of Attorney\u003c/a>, a simple way to arrange for someone to handle your finances, such a bills or insurance matters, if you are unable to do so yourself.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Write your \u003ca href=\"https://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/family-finance/articles/steps-to-writing-a-will\">last will and testament\u003c/a> and/or a \u003ca href=\"https://www.nextavenue.org/do-you-need-a-trust-for-your-estate-plan/\">revocable trust \u003c/a>to clarify and determine how your assets are distributed after death.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Consider what your preferences are for a memorial ceremony, and discuss it with your loved ones.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJiY8duVgz0\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Palliative care expert Dr. Jessica Zitter says that conversations about end-of-life options can help inform how we want to live our lives.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1610566586,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":32,"wordCount":1649},"headData":{"title":"How to Talk About Death and Dying During a Pandemic | KQED","description":"Palliative care expert Dr. Jessica Zitter says that conversations about end-of-life options can help inform how we want to live our lives.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"How to Talk About Death and Dying During a Pandemic","datePublished":"2020-09-18T23:12:02.000Z","dateModified":"2021-01-13T19:36:26.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11838180 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11838180","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2020/09/18/how-to-talk-about-death-and-dying-during-a-pandemic/","disqusTitle":"How to Talk About Death and Dying During a Pandemic","audioUrl":"https://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.megaphone.fm/KQINC6055648221.mp3","path":"/news/11838180/how-to-talk-about-death-and-dying-during-a-pandemic","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Dr. Jessica Zitter specializes in critical and palliative care medicine and practices at Highland Hospital in Oakland, where she helps people with serious illness talk about how they want to live, all the way to the end.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zitter says those are conversations we all should be having with our loved ones — even if we’re healthy and young. She is the author of \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/GEp6CyPmRxsNByzzfZXprl?domain=jessicazitter.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Extreme Measures: Finding a Better Path to the End of Life,\u003c/a> and her work has been featured in the documentary \u003ca href=\"https://www.netflix.com/title/80106307\">\"Extremis\"\u003c/a> on Netflix, as well as the forthcoming film \u003ca href=\"https://protect-us.mimecast.com/s/YsLqCzpn0ysRjmppUXnBtw?domain=caregiveralovestory.com\">\"Caregiver: A Love Story.\" \u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here are three stories about her patients, followed by some concrete tools you can use for planning and talking about the end of your life with loved ones.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Michael Thomas: 'Enjoying Every Moment'\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Michael Thomas is 64 and has COPD, a lung disease that makes it hard to breathe. He has already been in and out of the hospital several times this year and is particularly vulnerable if he were to get sick with COVID-19.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Zitter talked with him over Zoom this spring, she asked him what he wanted most. His answer? To be with his children and grandchildren in Ohio. But he also said he didn't feel a sense of urgency to visit them, because he believed he had plenty of time left.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11838731\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11838731\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"Michael Thomas' family visits him in an Ohio hospital.\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44913_Michael-Thomas-with-family_cropped.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Michael Thomas' family visits him in an Ohio hospital. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Michael Thomas)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“You are a more confident person than I am about myself!” Zitter told him. “I want to be totally frank with you, because I think you deserve that. I’m concerned you may not have as much time to live as you think you do. If someone told me, 'Michael is going to die within the next six months,' I would not be surprised.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zitter said she has to steel herself to deliver this kind of news. But she believes her patients deserve to know the truth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I know you have some serious goals, and they include being with family,\" she told Thomas. \"I would hate for you to miss that opportunity.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"'This is really what palliative care is all about. It's about how people want to live their lives. That informs how people want to die. But it really starts with how they want to live.'","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Dr. Jessica Zitter, critical and palliative care specialist","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas has since moved to Ohio to be close to his family — a decision sparked by his conversation with Zitter and Highland Hospital's chaplain, Pastor Betty Clark.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I didn't want to come home. I didn't want my family to see me in the condition that I'm in,\" Thomas told Zitter over zoom after his move to Ohio. \"That's why I was hesitant to come. But then I know they love me so much. And here I am today, enjoying every moment.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It just shows that if we can just bring ourselves to just face our mortality and plan for it, we can get what Michael got,\" Zitter said. \"We can get this precious time with the people that he loved the most or whatever it is that's most important to you.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11838351\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11838351\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Dr. Jessica Zitter with a patient at Highland Hospital in Oakland. \" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44911_Jessica-Zitter-Evan-Rusoja-with-patient-qut.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Dr. Jessica Zitter with a patient at Highland Hospital in Oakland. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Jessica Zitter)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003ch3>Evelyn Jarillo: 'It Makes You Think About Others'\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Evelyn Jarillo is a grocery store worker in Los Angeles who got sick with COVID-19 in March. She recovered, but her husband, who has diabetes, also tested positive and is still suffering from health complications. She's also worried about her 22-year-old son.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"When you're sick and you're feeling the way you feel, it makes you think about others,\" Jarillo told Zitter when they spoke by Zoom recently. \"It made you think about what happens if my son gets sick, what happens if he doesn't make it? No mother will be able to deal with [talking to] their kids about, ‘Son, if you die tomorrow, what do you want me to do?’ \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Wait, let me make sure I understand,\" Zitter said. \"Are you saying you can't ask your son, 'What you want me to do if you got COVID and you were in the hospital on a ventilator?' You don't feel like you could talk to him about that?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I can't,\" Jarillo told her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Evelyn saw something that most of us don't get a chance to see,\" said Zitter. \"She saw the potential for death.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like many of us, when Jarillo thought about members of her family dying, she faced a mental block, Zitter said. It seemed easier for Jarillo to share her thoughts about flower arrangements for her own funeral than to think about tough topics like a do-not-resuscitate order or discussing it with her children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"aside","attributes":{"named":{"tag":"end-of-life","label":"related coverage "},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zitter had a similar conversation with her own son on his 18th birthday by playing a game called \u003ca href=\"http://www.gowish.org/\">Go Wish\u003c/a>. The game helps families talk about their preferences around death and the important things they want to hold on to throughout the course of their life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Like Evelyn, the last thing I want to do is think about my children dying,\" said Zitter. \"It's just grim. It's horrifying. It feels in some ways like not what a mother does, right? A mother is supposed to focus on the positives, the weddings. We're not supposed to focus on the deathbed moments of a child. But asking open-ended questions is something you can and should do with your family. Just leaving space for more.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zitter has conducted workshops on death and dying with teenagers. Just like sex education, she says, there should be a place for death education in high schools.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Andrew Rich: 'This Is Where I Want to Die'\u003c/h3>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11838192\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11838192\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut-800x803.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"803\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut-800x803.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut-1020x1024.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut-160x161.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut-1530x1536.jpg 1530w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2020/09/RS44908_Andrew-Neville-smiling-qut.jpg 1904w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Andrew Rich with his dad, Neville Rich. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Andrew Rich.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Andrew Rich traveled to Sonoma early in the pandemic to celebrate his dad's 92nd birthday. During the visit, his father got sick. They didn’t realize it was COVID-19, and when his father had great difficulty breathing, the family decided to bring him to an emergency room. He spent two weeks on a ventilator and then died alone in the hospital, because COVID-19 rules meant no one could visit him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rich said that was not what his dad had planned when he imagined his death.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"If we could rewind the clock two weeks to that Sunday morning when he collapsed, if we could have put him back in bed and said, 'Dad, there’s the high likelihood that you have COVID and you're 92, what do you want to do?' He absolutely would have said, 'Leave me here. This is where I want to be. I want to be in this bedroom looking out in the valley. And if I die, this is where I want to die,' \" Rich said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The best-laid plans can get completely upended in the face of fear and illness and symptoms and your family not being there with you,\" said Zitter, who recommends that families talk proactively about their wishes. \"These conversations have to happen early and frequently. We have to get over the fear of talking about it and make it part of our family's conversations around the dinner table.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zitter said that she is \"very much committed\" to critical care medicine and said that it is \"in some ways miraculous.\" But Zitter says the medicine that keeps us alive should not distract us from the truth of our mortality.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We've watched the rise of the hospital and the intensive care unit to the point that we've become enamored of the many interventions and treatments that we consider to be the offerings of our modern medical system,\" she said. \"We've really lost the discriminating power and allowed ourselves to get completely distracted from making the preparations we need to face death, from thinking about our deaths and how we want to live, right to the end.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"This is really what palliative care is all about. It's about how people want to live their lives,\" Zitter said. \"That informs how people want to die. But it really starts with how they want to live.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>Resources\u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Here are things you can do to prepare, no matter your age or health.\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Play “\u003ca href=\"http://gowish.org/\">Go Wish\u003c/a>” with your loved ones. The game helps people start talking about what is most important to them in terms of health and life.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Have a conversation about death at the dinner table. The interactive website \u003ca href=\"https://deathoverdinner.org/\">Death Over Dinner\u003c/a> can help you plan your conversation.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Write up an \u003ca href=\"https://www.nhpco.org/patients-and-caregivers/advance-care-planning/advance-directives/downloading-your-states-advance-directive/\">Advance Directive\u003c/a> and give it to your doctors and your loved ones. This document should be reviewed whenever your medical condition changes or you learn new information about an illness or condition.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>People with advanced illness who are considered to be at risk for a life-threatening clinical event should talk to their doctor about completing a \u003ca href=\"https://polst.org/form-patients\">POLST\u003c/a> form. A POLST form is a medical order that documents a person’s preferences for receiving or not receiving certain types of medical interventions (for example, chest compressions, a feeding tube or a breathing tube).\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>If needed, execute a \u003ca href=\"https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/california-financial-power-of-attorney-31871.html\">Durable Financial Power of Attorney\u003c/a>, a simple way to arrange for someone to handle your finances, such a bills or insurance matters, if you are unable to do so yourself.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Write your \u003ca href=\"https://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/family-finance/articles/steps-to-writing-a-will\">last will and testament\u003c/a> and/or a \u003ca href=\"https://www.nextavenue.org/do-you-need-a-trust-for-your-estate-plan/\">revocable trust \u003c/a>to clarify and determine how your assets are distributed after death.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Consider what your preferences are for a memorial ceremony, and discuss it with your loved ones.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/TJiY8duVgz0'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/TJiY8duVgz0'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11838180/how-to-talk-about-death-and-dying-during-a-pandemic","authors":["11660"],"programs":["news_72","news_26731"],"categories":["news_457","news_8"],"tags":["news_28557","news_28556","news_27350","news_29029","news_27504","news_28005","news_22434","news_28558","news_28554","news_18202","news_28555","news_28559","news_27626","news_23654","news_27105"],"featImg":"news_11838189","label":"news_26731"},"news_11813006":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11813006","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11813006","score":null,"sort":[1587222022000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"using-the-aids-pandemic-to-inform-palliative-care-for-covid-19-patients","title":"Using Lessons From the AIDS Pandemic to Inform Palliative Care for COVID-19 Patients","publishDate":1587222022,"format":"audio","headTitle":"KQED News","labelTerm":{},"content":"\u003cp>Steve Pantilat was in medical school and residency training in San Francisco at the peak of the AIDS crisis.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“While that was a different type of pandemic, there are a lot of echoes of that, of an illness we can't treat, of people dying, a lot. Young people dying,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the 1980s, health workers knew they could contract HIV from accidental needle sticks. The risk of contagion with coronavirus is very different.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“In this situation, anybody can get sick like this,” Pantilat said. “I could get sick like this also.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pantilat became a pioneer in palliative medicine, shepherding patients through serious illness and the dying process. He founded, and now directs the palliative care program at UCSF, where he’s setting the protocols that are guiding how the first generation of COVID-19 patients dies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Compared to AIDS, this is much more personal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My wife and I are both in our 50s,” Pantilat said. “That is a higher risk group for serious complications, including dying of COVID-19. So in our house at least, we think about this a lot because of the work that I do and my wife does, but it's much more tangible now.” [pullquote size=\"medium\" align=\"right\" citation=\"Dr. Steve Pantilat, chief of palliative care at UCSF\"]\"All the clothes go directly in the washing machine. She goes to the shower first thing. We then wipe down every door knob and surface that she touched on the way in the house. And then, we say hello.\"[/pullquote]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pantilat’s wife is also a doctor. She’s been on the front lines in the hospital, caring for COVID-19 patients. The concern with carrying the infection home has led to some elaborate routines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She undresses in the garage, leaves her shoes there, wipes everything down, including the car, her shoes, her stethoscope,” Pantilat said. “She comes into the house, undressed — all the clothes go directly in the washing machine. She goes to the shower first thing. We then wipe down every door knob and surface that she touched on the way in the house. And then, we say hello.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pantilat, on the other hand, has been protecting himself and his team by working almost exclusively from home, doing his consults over video. While doctors would normally sit on the side of a patient’s bed and hold their hand when delivering bad news, now, all patients have to hold is an iPad.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“In order to limit exposure of our staff and to preserve the personal protection equipment, we've decided that we will see patients as much as we can by telemedicine, even for patients in the hospital,” he said. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Family and visitors are limited to video and phone calls, too. This is hard for doctors like Pantilat, who have made it their life’s work to honor peoples’ last wishes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I've been in rooms where there are 35 family members, people are playing music and holding a vigil and saying prayers and singing,” he said. “They’re even having weddings in the hospital. Just last month, we had another wedding for someone who was dying.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But in the age of coronavirus, all that is out. There’s too much risk of visitors getting sick and there aren’t enough masks to go around. So the new policy at UCSF is one visitor, and only for patients who are actively dying.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We've never really faced this before of trying to make these really kind of gut wrenching decisions about visitation and when and who and how many,” he said. “I think that's really, really, really distressing for everyone involved.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Many of these kinds of decisions are rushed right now. In some cases, COVID-19 can progress so fast, there’s not enough time for a considered conversation with patients about what kind of care they’re willing to have, what’s important to them, and what they want for the end of their lives. Pantilat says we should all be having these conversations with our loved ones now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Some of us who might not have thought about these issues and thought, ‘Oh, I’ve got a lot of time before I have to worry about this,’ are suddenly facing the reality that you could get suddenly sick and suddenly very, very sick,” he said. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Just in case, we should all be saying our goodbyes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“No harm in saying, I love you and thank you and forgive me and I forgive you to the people you care about at any time,” he says. “It's a really good time to do that now.” [aside tag=\"coronavirus\" label=\"Related Coverage\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But not all doctors take their own advice. \"Good friends of ours sent us a, this sort of letter about, if both of them die, you know, asking us to be sort of official godparents to their three children,\" Pantilat said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pantilat and his wife have two kids. The oldest is grown, but his younger son is 16 and still at home. They don’t have a plan for him. Neither of them have a will. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We've talked about it, we have this sort of informal will. We have life insurance, we've gone that far,” he says. “But it's a little embarrassing, as someone who takes care of people who are seriously ill, to say that we don't have a will, but we don't have one yet.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even now, with the haunting pressure of a fatal pandemic, Pantilat wavers. He sighs. He can’t bring himself to write an official plan for his own end. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You know, probably like a lot of people, there's a little bit of denial, too, like, is this really going to happen to both of us at the same time in the next few months?” he said. “It's very sobering to get just this very small taste of what I imagine my seriously ill patients must be thinking about all the time.”\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Steve Pantilat became a pioneer in palliative medicine assisting patients through the dying process. He founded, and now directs the palliative care program at UCSF, where he’s setting the protocols on COVID-19 patients.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1587320247,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":26,"wordCount":1062},"headData":{"title":"Using Lessons From the AIDS Pandemic to Inform Palliative Care for COVID-19 Patients | KQED","description":"Steve Pantilat became a pioneer in palliative medicine assisting patients through the dying process. He founded, and now directs the palliative care program at UCSF, where he’s setting the protocols on COVID-19 patients.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"Using Lessons From the AIDS Pandemic to Inform Palliative Care for COVID-19 Patients","datePublished":"2020-04-18T15:00:22.000Z","dateModified":"2020-04-19T18:17:27.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11813006 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11813006","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2020/04/18/using-the-aids-pandemic-to-inform-palliative-care-for-covid-19-patients/","disqusTitle":"Using Lessons From the AIDS Pandemic to Inform Palliative Care for COVID-19 Patients","source":"Coronavirus","sourceUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/coronavirus","audioUrl":"https://traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/0af137ef-751e-4b19-a055-aaef00d2d578/ffca7e9f-6831-41c5-bcaf-aaef00f5a073/c2c32e47-61c8-44e3-a0ae-aba00188ad91/audio.mp3","path":"/news/11813006/using-the-aids-pandemic-to-inform-palliative-care-for-covid-19-patients","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Steve Pantilat was in medical school and residency training in San Francisco at the peak of the AIDS crisis.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“While that was a different type of pandemic, there are a lot of echoes of that, of an illness we can't treat, of people dying, a lot. Young people dying,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the 1980s, health workers knew they could contract HIV from accidental needle sticks. The risk of contagion with coronavirus is very different.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“In this situation, anybody can get sick like this,” Pantilat said. “I could get sick like this also.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pantilat became a pioneer in palliative medicine, shepherding patients through serious illness and the dying process. He founded, and now directs the palliative care program at UCSF, where he’s setting the protocols that are guiding how the first generation of COVID-19 patients dies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Compared to AIDS, this is much more personal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My wife and I are both in our 50s,” Pantilat said. “That is a higher risk group for serious complications, including dying of COVID-19. So in our house at least, we think about this a lot because of the work that I do and my wife does, but it's much more tangible now.” \u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"\"All the clothes go directly in the washing machine. She goes to the shower first thing. We then wipe down every door knob and surface that she touched on the way in the house. And then, we say hello.\"","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Dr. Steve Pantilat, chief of palliative care at UCSF","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pantilat’s wife is also a doctor. She’s been on the front lines in the hospital, caring for COVID-19 patients. The concern with carrying the infection home has led to some elaborate routines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She undresses in the garage, leaves her shoes there, wipes everything down, including the car, her shoes, her stethoscope,” Pantilat said. “She comes into the house, undressed — all the clothes go directly in the washing machine. She goes to the shower first thing. We then wipe down every door knob and surface that she touched on the way in the house. And then, we say hello.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pantilat, on the other hand, has been protecting himself and his team by working almost exclusively from home, doing his consults over video. While doctors would normally sit on the side of a patient’s bed and hold their hand when delivering bad news, now, all patients have to hold is an iPad.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“In order to limit exposure of our staff and to preserve the personal protection equipment, we've decided that we will see patients as much as we can by telemedicine, even for patients in the hospital,” he said. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Family and visitors are limited to video and phone calls, too. This is hard for doctors like Pantilat, who have made it their life’s work to honor peoples’ last wishes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I've been in rooms where there are 35 family members, people are playing music and holding a vigil and saying prayers and singing,” he said. “They’re even having weddings in the hospital. Just last month, we had another wedding for someone who was dying.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But in the age of coronavirus, all that is out. There’s too much risk of visitors getting sick and there aren’t enough masks to go around. So the new policy at UCSF is one visitor, and only for patients who are actively dying.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We've never really faced this before of trying to make these really kind of gut wrenching decisions about visitation and when and who and how many,” he said. “I think that's really, really, really distressing for everyone involved.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Many of these kinds of decisions are rushed right now. In some cases, COVID-19 can progress so fast, there’s not enough time for a considered conversation with patients about what kind of care they’re willing to have, what’s important to them, and what they want for the end of their lives. Pantilat says we should all be having these conversations with our loved ones now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Some of us who might not have thought about these issues and thought, ‘Oh, I’ve got a lot of time before I have to worry about this,’ are suddenly facing the reality that you could get suddenly sick and suddenly very, very sick,” he said. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Just in case, we should all be saying our goodbyes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“No harm in saying, I love you and thank you and forgive me and I forgive you to the people you care about at any time,” he says. “It's a really good time to do that now.” \u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"aside","attributes":{"named":{"tag":"coronavirus","label":"Related Coverage "},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But not all doctors take their own advice. \"Good friends of ours sent us a, this sort of letter about, if both of them die, you know, asking us to be sort of official godparents to their three children,\" Pantilat said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pantilat and his wife have two kids. The oldest is grown, but his younger son is 16 and still at home. They don’t have a plan for him. Neither of them have a will. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We've talked about it, we have this sort of informal will. We have life insurance, we've gone that far,” he says. “But it's a little embarrassing, as someone who takes care of people who are seriously ill, to say that we don't have a will, but we don't have one yet.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even now, with the haunting pressure of a fatal pandemic, Pantilat wavers. He sighs. He can’t bring himself to write an official plan for his own end. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You know, probably like a lot of people, there's a little bit of denial, too, like, is this really going to happen to both of us at the same time in the next few months?” he said. “It's very sobering to get just this very small taste of what I imagine my seriously ill patients must be thinking about all the time.”\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11813006/using-the-aids-pandemic-to-inform-palliative-care-for-covid-19-patients","authors":["3205"],"categories":["news_8"],"tags":["news_27350","news_27504","news_22434","news_18202","news_27105"],"featImg":"news_11813014","label":"source_news_11813006"},"news_11759125":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11759125","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11759125","score":null,"sort":[1562702565000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"now-you-can-choose-to-have-your-cremains-help-redwoods-grow","title":"Now You Can Choose to Have Your Cremains Help Redwoods Grow","publishDate":1562702565,"format":"image","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>Sandy Gibson remembers that his mother thought about the end of her life a lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When he was 5, his mother found out she had terminal cancer. She was only 39 years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"My mom grew up in a very religious family, and she'd ask, 'Why would God do this to me?'\" said Gibson. \"Why would she have a 5-year-old and an 8-year-old and have a terminal illness?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11759768\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11759768\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Sandy-Gibson-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Co-founder of Better Place Forests Sandy Gibson lost both his parents in his youth. \" width=\"800\" height=\"533\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Co-founder of Better Place Forests Sandy Gibson said his parents' gravesite \"never felt like the right place for them.\" \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Better Place Forests)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>One year before his mother passed away — when Gibson was 10 years old — his father died of complications due to a stroke. For most of his life, Gibson never wanted to visit that site where his parents were buried.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It never felt like the right place for them,\" he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>His personal experience with loss is, in part, what inspired Gibson to co-found \u003ca href=\"https://www.betterplaceforests.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Better Place Forests\u003c/a> — an alternative to cemeteries, where families can claim a redwood tree as a grave marker and scatter their loved one's ashes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The company currently has two locations in California — Point Arena and Santa Cruz — and is hoping to expand to locations in Oregon, Colorado, Arizona and Washington.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>According to Gibson, scattering remains at Better Place Forests involves two rituals. First, selecting a tree. Families come to the forest together to decide which section of the forest speaks to them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Because while it's in a 20-acre forest, you might have 50 different sections that feel very different,\" Gibson explained. \"It might be that the birds live in one section, or the fact that rhododendrons are in another.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Choosing a tree also involves deciding if you want to be scattered alone, or with your pets and family members. Better Place offers \u003ca href=\"http://learn.betterplaceforests.com/knowledge/what-are-the-different-options-in-the-forestv2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">five different tree options\u003c/a> with varying scattering rights.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11759965\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11759965\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Tree-Cremains-Marker-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Families can choose to add memorial markers with personalized quotes to their tree.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Tree-Cremains-Marker.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Tree-Cremains-Marker-160x107.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Families can choose to add memorial markers with personalized quotes to their tree. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Better Place Forests)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Once the tree is selected, the second ritual is the spreading ceremony, where family members gather to scatter the ashes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As part of the experience, Better Place takes the cremains and mixes them with local soil to rebalance the pH.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[pullquote size='small' align='right' citation='Sandy Gibson, Better Place Forests co-founder']'We perform the ceremony where they watch the ashes be returned to the earth and remixed with that soil and then be re-covered. Then we spread wildflower seeds, and the family participates in watering the area around the tree.'[/pullquote]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"That's very important because it's the bacteria in the soil that's going to break down the bone ash to become nutrients for the forest floor,\" explained Gibson. \"That's what starts the cycle of life with that bacteria. And that can only live and thrive in a properly balanced soil mixture.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the ashes are prepared, a member of Better Place Forests walks with the family to their chosen tree to perform the service.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We perform the ceremony where they watch the ashes be returned to the earth and remixed with that soil and then be re-covered. Then we spread wildflower seeds, and the family participates in watering the area around the tree,\" said Gibson.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11759766\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11759766\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Point-Arena-Visitor-Center-Day-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"The Better Place Forests visitor's center at Point Arena.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The Better Place Forests visitors center at Point Arena. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Better Place Forests)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Scattering ashes in forests or other scenic locations is not a new idea. But California has strict laws on where this can be legally performed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[pullquote size='medium' align='right' citation='Sandy Gibson, Better Place Forests co-founder']'It's all about creating a ritual that connects you to a sense of place'[/pullquote]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>According to the \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySection.xhtml?lawCode=HSC§ionNum=7116.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Health and Safety Code\u003c/a>, cremated human remains can be scattered only in places where \"no local prohibition exists,\" as long as they're not \"visible to the public.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Those doing the scattering must also obtain written permission from the property owner — be that a private landowner or governing agency.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But the California Cemetery and Funeral Bureau (CFB) warns that scattering cremains on private property doesn't guarantee that a family will always be able to return and visit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"... as time goes on property status may change. If the consumers' goal is to return to a site to visit their loved ones over the years or decades, they may want to consider a licensed cemetery,\" said the agency in a statement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11759761\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11759761\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Point-Arena-Forest-Creekside-Area-800x533.jpg\" alt=\""It's all about creating a ritual that connects you to a sense of place," said Gibson. "It's the opposite of my experience. It's the opposite of trying to think about my mother and thinking of a black tombstone. It's thinking about your husband or your father or your mother and thinking about this beautiful place that's full of life."\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">\"It's all about creating a ritual that connects you to a sense of place,\" Gibson said. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Better Place Forests)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Gibson says the creation of this new option for burial has helped him deal with some of his personal trauma.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's all about creating a ritual that connects you to a sense of place,\" said Gibson. \"It's the opposite of my experience. It's the opposite of trying to think about my mother and thinking of a black tombstone. It's thinking about your husband or your father or your mother and thinking about this beautiful place that's full of life.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Co-founder of Better Place Forests Sandy Gibson was inspired to start the business, in part, due to his own history with personal loss. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1563217786,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":26,"wordCount":857},"headData":{"title":"Now You Can Choose to Have Your Cremains Help Redwoods Grow | KQED","description":"Co-founder of Better Place Forests Sandy Gibson was inspired to start the business, in part, due to his own history with personal loss. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"Now You Can Choose to Have Your Cremains Help Redwoods Grow","datePublished":"2019-07-09T20:02:45.000Z","dateModified":"2019-07-15T19:09:46.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11759125 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11759125","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2019/07/09/now-you-can-choose-to-have-your-cremains-help-redwoods-grow/","disqusTitle":"Now You Can Choose to Have Your Cremains Help Redwoods Grow","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcr/2019/07/WileyTreeburials.mp3","audioTrackLength":98,"path":"/news/11759125/now-you-can-choose-to-have-your-cremains-help-redwoods-grow","audioDuration":98000,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Sandy Gibson remembers that his mother thought about the end of her life a lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When he was 5, his mother found out she had terminal cancer. She was only 39 years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"My mom grew up in a very religious family, and she'd ask, 'Why would God do this to me?'\" said Gibson. \"Why would she have a 5-year-old and an 8-year-old and have a terminal illness?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11759768\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11759768\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Sandy-Gibson-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Co-founder of Better Place Forests Sandy Gibson lost both his parents in his youth. \" width=\"800\" height=\"533\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Co-founder of Better Place Forests Sandy Gibson said his parents' gravesite \"never felt like the right place for them.\" \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Better Place Forests)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>One year before his mother passed away — when Gibson was 10 years old — his father died of complications due to a stroke. For most of his life, Gibson never wanted to visit that site where his parents were buried.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It never felt like the right place for them,\" he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>His personal experience with loss is, in part, what inspired Gibson to co-found \u003ca href=\"https://www.betterplaceforests.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Better Place Forests\u003c/a> — an alternative to cemeteries, where families can claim a redwood tree as a grave marker and scatter their loved one's ashes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The company currently has two locations in California — Point Arena and Santa Cruz — and is hoping to expand to locations in Oregon, Colorado, Arizona and Washington.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>According to Gibson, scattering remains at Better Place Forests involves two rituals. First, selecting a tree. Families come to the forest together to decide which section of the forest speaks to them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Because while it's in a 20-acre forest, you might have 50 different sections that feel very different,\" Gibson explained. \"It might be that the birds live in one section, or the fact that rhododendrons are in another.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Choosing a tree also involves deciding if you want to be scattered alone, or with your pets and family members. Better Place offers \u003ca href=\"http://learn.betterplaceforests.com/knowledge/what-are-the-different-options-in-the-forestv2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">five different tree options\u003c/a> with varying scattering rights.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11759965\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11759965\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Tree-Cremains-Marker-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Families can choose to add memorial markers with personalized quotes to their tree.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Tree-Cremains-Marker.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Tree-Cremains-Marker-160x107.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Families can choose to add memorial markers with personalized quotes to their tree. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Better Place Forests)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Once the tree is selected, the second ritual is the spreading ceremony, where family members gather to scatter the ashes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As part of the experience, Better Place takes the cremains and mixes them with local soil to rebalance the pH.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"'We perform the ceremony where they watch the ashes be returned to the earth and remixed with that soil and then be re-covered. Then we spread wildflower seeds, and the family participates in watering the area around the tree.'","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"small","align":"right","citation":"Sandy Gibson, Better Place Forests co-founder","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"That's very important because it's the bacteria in the soil that's going to break down the bone ash to become nutrients for the forest floor,\" explained Gibson. \"That's what starts the cycle of life with that bacteria. And that can only live and thrive in a properly balanced soil mixture.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the ashes are prepared, a member of Better Place Forests walks with the family to their chosen tree to perform the service.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We perform the ceremony where they watch the ashes be returned to the earth and remixed with that soil and then be re-covered. Then we spread wildflower seeds, and the family participates in watering the area around the tree,\" said Gibson.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11759766\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11759766\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Point-Arena-Visitor-Center-Day-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"The Better Place Forests visitor's center at Point Arena.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The Better Place Forests visitors center at Point Arena. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Better Place Forests)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Scattering ashes in forests or other scenic locations is not a new idea. But California has strict laws on where this can be legally performed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"'It's all about creating a ritual that connects you to a sense of place'","name":"pullquote","attributes":{"named":{"size":"medium","align":"right","citation":"Sandy Gibson, Better Place Forests co-founder","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>According to the \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySection.xhtml?lawCode=HSC§ionNum=7116.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Health and Safety Code\u003c/a>, cremated human remains can be scattered only in places where \"no local prohibition exists,\" as long as they're not \"visible to the public.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Those doing the scattering must also obtain written permission from the property owner — be that a private landowner or governing agency.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But the California Cemetery and Funeral Bureau (CFB) warns that scattering cremains on private property doesn't guarantee that a family will always be able to return and visit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"... as time goes on property status may change. If the consumers' goal is to return to a site to visit their loved ones over the years or decades, they may want to consider a licensed cemetery,\" said the agency in a statement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11759761\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11759761\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/07/Point-Arena-Forest-Creekside-Area-800x533.jpg\" alt=\""It's all about creating a ritual that connects you to a sense of place," said Gibson. "It's the opposite of my experience. It's the opposite of trying to think about my mother and thinking of a black tombstone. It's thinking about your husband or your father or your mother and thinking about this beautiful place that's full of life."\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">\"It's all about creating a ritual that connects you to a sense of place,\" Gibson said. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Better Place Forests)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Gibson says the creation of this new option for burial has helped him deal with some of his personal trauma.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's all about creating a ritual that connects you to a sense of place,\" said Gibson. \"It's the opposite of my experience. It's the opposite of trying to think about my mother and thinking of a black tombstone. It's thinking about your husband or your father or your mother and thinking about this beautiful place that's full of life.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11759125/now-you-can-choose-to-have-your-cremains-help-redwoods-grow","authors":["11526"],"programs":["news_72"],"categories":["news_19906","news_457","news_8"],"tags":["news_22434","news_18202","news_2062","news_21176","news_721"],"featImg":"news_11759956","label":"news_72"},"news_11725695":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11725695","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11725695","score":null,"sort":[1550279610000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"why-remembering-a-last-kiss-is-as-important-as-remembering-a-first","title":"Why Remembering a Last Kiss Is as Important as Remembering a First","publishDate":1550279610,"format":"audio","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>Close your eyes, and think about the first time you kissed someone special. Even little details stand out, like how you were dressed that day and what the weather was like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now try to remember a last kiss. That’s much harder, right? This sort of memory doesn’t come so easily. It can be painful, awkward or sad. More often than not, it’s something you’d rather forget.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lately, I've been asking Californians to share their last kiss stories. I wanted to know what it was about these experiences that stays with people, as well as what they might all have in common. I was surprised by how many people were willing to share their last kiss stories, and how the memories, though often difficult, were positive, rather than filled with regret.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725941\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11725941 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Nara-1-e1550093227871-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"Nara with her friend, fellow theater aficionado and UC Santa Barbara roommate Greg.\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Nara with her friend, fellow theater aficionado and UC Santa Barbara roommate, Greg. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Nara D)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Nara, 38\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nMy junior year in college, I helped my roommate and friend Greg re-dye his hair pink, to piss off the director of a play he was in. The director was very conservative and seemingly didn't approve of Greg's gay lifestyle. We sat on the stoop of our house in the sun chatting and waiting for the dye to dry. Eventually, I had to go to class and Greg needed to go prep for his preview performance. When we said goodbye, we kissed each other and said “I love you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He died onstage that night of an undiagnosed heart condition. He was 20 years old. It was one of the biggest shocks I've ever had. Greg left a big hole in my life, but I don't think I would trade that pain for not having lived with him, and not having gotten to know him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725942\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 720px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11725942\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Joe-and-KC.jpg\" alt=\"Joe and his girlfriend K.C. in Sonoma.\" width=\"720\" height=\"960\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Joe-and-KC.jpg 720w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Joe-and-KC-160x213.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joe and his girlfriend K.C. in Sonoma. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Joe H.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Joe, 63\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nI met my girlfriend K.C. through a friend. We started emailing each other and decided to meet in person after about a month. We went to a little restaurant for our first date. About three minutes into our conversation, she got right to telling me what was important: that she had two incurable diseases she caught while being a nurse 30 years ago; that she was in so much pain all the time, she couldn't have sex; and that she was still legally married. I admired the way she didn't play games.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Strangely enough, K.C. didn't end up dying because of those diseases. She was part of a drug trial and was cured. But six months later, she was diagnosed with cancer. So I knew the last kiss was coming. One day, when I visited her, I kissed her on the couch at her home in Sonoma. That was the last time I saw her. She called me the night she passed away. K.C. went to sleep and never woke up. The world got a little darker after she left.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725943\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11725943 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Keli-Dailey-2-e1550093466753-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"Keli in San Francisco.\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Keli in San Francisco. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Keli D.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Keli, 44\u003cbr>\n\u003c/strong>I met this guy in a San Francisco record store and we ended up going out on a date. We went for oysters. We were having a fun, casual time. Then, at the end of the evening, he lunged at me. It felt like he was coming from every direction. It was like an \"omni kiss,\" where there's tongue and hands and this and that. It was so passionate and unusual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then I went out of town for a week for Thanksgiving [and came down with a cold]. By the time I got off the plane, I was in full-blown sick mode. But of course this guy still wanted to see me. It was a strange reunion because we couldn’t kiss. I was sick, so I couldn't breathe. Also, my nose was leaking. I couldn’t wait to get my health back so I could kiss him again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When I was feeling well enough, we spoke on the phone. I said, “Oh my gosh, I can't wait to see you! When will I see you next?” “Yeah, about that,\" he said. \"I think I'd like to take a step back.” And my first response was, “Oh no. I just beat my cold! What are you talking about?\" Just when I was well enough to kiss again, no more kisses would be had. It's taught me to be more explicit with dudes about what I'm looking for. Because one of those \"good time kisses\" is a waste of time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725944\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11725944 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Karen and Loren in 1977\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-1020x679.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-1200x799.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-1920x1278.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Karen and Loren in 1977. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Karen Z.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Karen, 50\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nWhen I said goodbye to my oldest friend, Loren, just before she died of a brain tumor at 45, she was medicated into what seemed like unconsciousness. So I sat at her bedside and held her hand and talked to her. When it was time to leave I said, “I’m going to kiss you now.\" And as I leaned in to kiss her, Loren puckered her lips. I’ll never forget it. She had not fluttered her eyes or moved in any way the whole time I'd been talking to her, until I told her I was going to kiss her. And I have to say, it looked like it took effort to pucker her lips, like she really wanted to make it clear that she was listening to me, that she had heard what I said, that she was there with me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725954\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11725954 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/erin-tattoo-3-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"The tattoo on Erin's back which inspired her teacher's love poem\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The tattoo on Erin's back which inspired her teacher's love poem. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Erin S.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Erin, 35\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nI'm a single mom of a toddler, and was coming out of a long relationship when I ended up in an intense emotional affair with a teacher at a summer program I was attending. He had a daughter the same age as mine, and was in a supposedly monogamous relationship with her mom. The first time we met, in the open, we talked for over an hour. Later, we met in secret three times. It was never more than kissing, but I'd never been kissed like that in my entire life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the last day of the program, he wrote a poem about his summer, his heart, and the experience with me, and read it out loud to the entire class. No one understood except me. The last night of the program we shared a goodbye kiss in my car. It was distracted and sad. I didn't show up on campus for my exit interview the next day. The whole thing was tragic, beautiful, and totally against who I am. I don't regret any of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725971\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 1687px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11725971\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper.jpeg\" alt=\"Ripper and a young CJ\" width=\"1687\" height=\"1265\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper.jpeg 1687w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper-160x120.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper-800x600.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper-1020x765.jpeg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper-1200x900.jpeg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1687px) 100vw, 1687px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ripper and a young CJ. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Coulton B.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>CJ, 23\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nRipper was my first dog, a black lab. He was playful, sweet and smelly. I was around nine when we had to put him down because he was old and sick. I remember my parents telling me today was the day. I was sad all day. I hung out with Ripper and cuddled with him and he didn't really want to move much. He was just laying there the whole time. I fell asleep for a while with Ripper, and I remember my parents waking me up and saying, \"It's time for him to go.\" I remember looking him in the eyes and I gave him a little kiss on the forehead. He looked at me. It seemed like he knew that this was his time, like he was ready to go. He kind of smiled. And then he just rested his head. He passed and that was pretty much it. I wasn't ready for it.I still miss him. He was the first stepping stone into my love of all animals. I hope to work with animals someday, perhaps in a shelter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725972\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 240px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11725972\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Olivia-Sally-copy.jpg\" alt=\"Olivia and her brother on an early family trip to Disneyland\" width=\"240\" height=\"320\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Olivia-Sally-copy.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Olivia-Sally-copy-160x213.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 240px) 100vw, 240px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Olivia and her brother on an early family trip to Disneyland. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Olivia S)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Olivia, 16\u003cbr>\n\u003c/strong>When I was 14, I went to Disneyland with my family. I had a crush on this guy, Kyle. I found out he was also going to Disneyland with his family. So I texted him and we ended up meeting up at the park. We went on the Winnie the Pooh ride. We'd flirted before, so it wasn't completely a surprise when we started holding hands. While we were on the ride, he moved his head around to the front of my face, leaned in and his lips touched mine. And in a second, my first kiss was gone. I was devastated. I pulled away. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We didn't even talk about it. We got off the ride. We weren't holding hands anymore. I said, \"I'll see you around.\" And we went back to our families. That was the end of the day for us, and the last time I kissed Kyle. I hoped my first kiss was going to be with someone whom I was in love with, maybe on a mountain, maybe watching the sunset. That was the ideal. So having strayed from that was something I really had difficulty processing. Nothing's going to be perfect, is what I've learned.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725973\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 1350px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11725973\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth.jpg\" alt=\"Tom in San Francisco.\" width=\"1350\" height=\"1800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth.jpg 1350w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth-160x213.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth-800x1067.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth-1020x1360.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth-900x1200.jpg 900w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1350px) 100vw, 1350px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Tom in San Francisco. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Tom H.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Tom, 47\u003cbr>\n\u003c/strong>I've been a gay man my whole adult life. But my last kiss story is about the last time I kissed a girl. It was New Year's Eve in Ipswich —the town where I grew up, in the U.K. — and I was with one of my best friends, Sarah. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We were teenagers at the time. It was kind of custom that everyone on New Year's Eve would go out, drink as much alcohol as humanly possible, and then throw empty bottles at the police. I wasn't out to everyone, but Sarah knew I was gay. And then suddenly we were snogging and had this really passionate kiss. Eventually, we both blinked and finished. I think we probably had strong feelings for each other. Maybe it was just sort of sealing a friendship or something, in a crazy, teenage, hormonal way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Unlike first kisses, last kisses are often painful, awkward or sad. But they're worth remembering. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1550279610,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":20,"wordCount":1728},"headData":{"title":"Why Remembering a Last Kiss Is as Important as Remembering a First | KQED","description":"Unlike first kisses, last kisses are often painful, awkward or sad. But they're worth remembering. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"Why Remembering a Last Kiss Is as Important as Remembering a First","datePublished":"2019-02-16T01:13:30.000Z","dateModified":"2019-02-16T01:13:30.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11725695 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11725695","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2019/02/15/why-remembering-a-last-kiss-is-as-important-as-remembering-a-first/","disqusTitle":"Why Remembering a Last Kiss Is as Important as Remembering a First","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcrmag/2019/02/VeltmanLastKiss.mp3","audioTrackLength":441,"path":"/news/11725695/why-remembering-a-last-kiss-is-as-important-as-remembering-a-first","audioDuration":451000,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Close your eyes, and think about the first time you kissed someone special. Even little details stand out, like how you were dressed that day and what the weather was like.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now try to remember a last kiss. That’s much harder, right? This sort of memory doesn’t come so easily. It can be painful, awkward or sad. More often than not, it’s something you’d rather forget.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lately, I've been asking Californians to share their last kiss stories. I wanted to know what it was about these experiences that stays with people, as well as what they might all have in common. I was surprised by how many people were willing to share their last kiss stories, and how the memories, though often difficult, were positive, rather than filled with regret.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725941\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11725941 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Nara-1-e1550093227871-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"Nara with her friend, fellow theater aficionado and UC Santa Barbara roommate Greg.\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Nara with her friend, fellow theater aficionado and UC Santa Barbara roommate, Greg. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Nara D)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Nara, 38\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nMy junior year in college, I helped my roommate and friend Greg re-dye his hair pink, to piss off the director of a play he was in. The director was very conservative and seemingly didn't approve of Greg's gay lifestyle. We sat on the stoop of our house in the sun chatting and waiting for the dye to dry. Eventually, I had to go to class and Greg needed to go prep for his preview performance. When we said goodbye, we kissed each other and said “I love you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He died onstage that night of an undiagnosed heart condition. He was 20 years old. It was one of the biggest shocks I've ever had. Greg left a big hole in my life, but I don't think I would trade that pain for not having lived with him, and not having gotten to know him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725942\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 720px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11725942\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Joe-and-KC.jpg\" alt=\"Joe and his girlfriend K.C. in Sonoma.\" width=\"720\" height=\"960\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Joe-and-KC.jpg 720w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Joe-and-KC-160x213.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joe and his girlfriend K.C. in Sonoma. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Joe H.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Joe, 63\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nI met my girlfriend K.C. through a friend. We started emailing each other and decided to meet in person after about a month. We went to a little restaurant for our first date. About three minutes into our conversation, she got right to telling me what was important: that she had two incurable diseases she caught while being a nurse 30 years ago; that she was in so much pain all the time, she couldn't have sex; and that she was still legally married. I admired the way she didn't play games.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Strangely enough, K.C. didn't end up dying because of those diseases. She was part of a drug trial and was cured. But six months later, she was diagnosed with cancer. So I knew the last kiss was coming. One day, when I visited her, I kissed her on the couch at her home in Sonoma. That was the last time I saw her. She called me the night she passed away. K.C. went to sleep and never woke up. The world got a little darker after she left.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725943\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11725943 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Keli-Dailey-2-e1550093466753-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"Keli in San Francisco.\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Keli in San Francisco. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Keli D.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Keli, 44\u003cbr>\n\u003c/strong>I met this guy in a San Francisco record store and we ended up going out on a date. We went for oysters. We were having a fun, casual time. Then, at the end of the evening, he lunged at me. It felt like he was coming from every direction. It was like an \"omni kiss,\" where there's tongue and hands and this and that. It was so passionate and unusual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then I went out of town for a week for Thanksgiving [and came down with a cold]. By the time I got off the plane, I was in full-blown sick mode. But of course this guy still wanted to see me. It was a strange reunion because we couldn’t kiss. I was sick, so I couldn't breathe. Also, my nose was leaking. I couldn’t wait to get my health back so I could kiss him again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When I was feeling well enough, we spoke on the phone. I said, “Oh my gosh, I can't wait to see you! When will I see you next?” “Yeah, about that,\" he said. \"I think I'd like to take a step back.” And my first response was, “Oh no. I just beat my cold! What are you talking about?\" Just when I was well enough to kiss again, no more kisses would be had. It's taught me to be more explicit with dudes about what I'm looking for. Because one of those \"good time kisses\" is a waste of time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725944\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11725944 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Karen and Loren in 1977\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-160x107.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-1020x679.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-1200x799.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Karen-and-Loren-in-1977-1920x1278.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Karen and Loren in 1977. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Karen Z.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Karen, 50\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nWhen I said goodbye to my oldest friend, Loren, just before she died of a brain tumor at 45, she was medicated into what seemed like unconsciousness. So I sat at her bedside and held her hand and talked to her. When it was time to leave I said, “I’m going to kiss you now.\" And as I leaned in to kiss her, Loren puckered her lips. I’ll never forget it. She had not fluttered her eyes or moved in any way the whole time I'd been talking to her, until I told her I was going to kiss her. And I have to say, it looked like it took effort to pucker her lips, like she really wanted to make it clear that she was listening to me, that she had heard what I said, that she was there with me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725954\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11725954 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/erin-tattoo-3-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"The tattoo on Erin's back which inspired her teacher's love poem\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">The tattoo on Erin's back which inspired her teacher's love poem. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Erin S.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Erin, 35\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nI'm a single mom of a toddler, and was coming out of a long relationship when I ended up in an intense emotional affair with a teacher at a summer program I was attending. He had a daughter the same age as mine, and was in a supposedly monogamous relationship with her mom. The first time we met, in the open, we talked for over an hour. Later, we met in secret three times. It was never more than kissing, but I'd never been kissed like that in my entire life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the last day of the program, he wrote a poem about his summer, his heart, and the experience with me, and read it out loud to the entire class. No one understood except me. The last night of the program we shared a goodbye kiss in my car. It was distracted and sad. I didn't show up on campus for my exit interview the next day. The whole thing was tragic, beautiful, and totally against who I am. I don't regret any of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725971\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 1687px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11725971\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper.jpeg\" alt=\"Ripper and a young CJ\" width=\"1687\" height=\"1265\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper.jpeg 1687w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper-160x120.jpeg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper-800x600.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper-1020x765.jpeg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/CJ-and-Ripper-1200x900.jpeg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1687px) 100vw, 1687px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ripper and a young CJ. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Coulton B.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>CJ, 23\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nRipper was my first dog, a black lab. He was playful, sweet and smelly. I was around nine when we had to put him down because he was old and sick. I remember my parents telling me today was the day. I was sad all day. I hung out with Ripper and cuddled with him and he didn't really want to move much. He was just laying there the whole time. I fell asleep for a while with Ripper, and I remember my parents waking me up and saying, \"It's time for him to go.\" I remember looking him in the eyes and I gave him a little kiss on the forehead. He looked at me. It seemed like he knew that this was his time, like he was ready to go. He kind of smiled. And then he just rested his head. He passed and that was pretty much it. I wasn't ready for it.I still miss him. He was the first stepping stone into my love of all animals. I hope to work with animals someday, perhaps in a shelter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725972\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 240px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11725972\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Olivia-Sally-copy.jpg\" alt=\"Olivia and her brother on an early family trip to Disneyland\" width=\"240\" height=\"320\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Olivia-Sally-copy.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/Olivia-Sally-copy-160x213.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 240px) 100vw, 240px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Olivia and her brother on an early family trip to Disneyland. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Olivia S)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Olivia, 16\u003cbr>\n\u003c/strong>When I was 14, I went to Disneyland with my family. I had a crush on this guy, Kyle. I found out he was also going to Disneyland with his family. So I texted him and we ended up meeting up at the park. We went on the Winnie the Pooh ride. We'd flirted before, so it wasn't completely a surprise when we started holding hands. While we were on the ride, he moved his head around to the front of my face, leaned in and his lips touched mine. And in a second, my first kiss was gone. I was devastated. I pulled away. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We didn't even talk about it. We got off the ride. We weren't holding hands anymore. I said, \"I'll see you around.\" And we went back to our families. That was the end of the day for us, and the last time I kissed Kyle. I hoped my first kiss was going to be with someone whom I was in love with, maybe on a mountain, maybe watching the sunset. That was the ideal. So having strayed from that was something I really had difficulty processing. Nothing's going to be perfect, is what I've learned.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11725973\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 1350px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-11725973\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth.jpg\" alt=\"Tom in San Francisco.\" width=\"1350\" height=\"1800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth.jpg 1350w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth-160x213.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth-800x1067.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth-1020x1360.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2019/02/TWH-teeth-900x1200.jpg 900w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1350px) 100vw, 1350px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Tom in San Francisco. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Tom H.)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Tom, 47\u003cbr>\n\u003c/strong>I've been a gay man my whole adult life. But my last kiss story is about the last time I kissed a girl. It was New Year's Eve in Ipswich —the town where I grew up, in the U.K. — and I was with one of my best friends, Sarah. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We were teenagers at the time. It was kind of custom that everyone on New Year's Eve would go out, drink as much alcohol as humanly possible, and then throw empty bottles at the police. I wasn't out to everyone, but Sarah knew I was gay. And then suddenly we were snogging and had this really passionate kiss. Eventually, we both blinked and finished. I think we probably had strong feelings for each other. Maybe it was just sort of sealing a friendship or something, in a crazy, teenage, hormonal way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11725695/why-remembering-a-last-kiss-is-as-important-as-remembering-a-first","authors":["8608"],"programs":["news_72"],"categories":["news_223"],"tags":["news_22434","news_25038","news_20856","news_2301"],"featImg":"news_11725940","label":"news_72"},"news_11714784":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11714784","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11714784","score":null,"sort":[1545942296000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"judge-man-charged-in-nia-wilson-stabbing-may-be-mentally-unfit","title":"Judge: Man Charged in Nia Wilson Stabbing May be Mentally Unfit","publishDate":1545942296,"format":"image","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>A judge on Thursday suspended criminal proceedings against John Lee Cowell, a transient charged with stabbing 18-year-old \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11684939/nia-wilsons-purpose-oakland-buries-a-daughter-and-demands-justice-in-her-name\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Nia Wilson\u003c/a> to death at the MacArthur BART station over the summer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A lawyer for John Lee Cowell, 28, told Alameda County Superior Court Judge James Cramer that he suffers severe delusions and paranoia, was unable to assist in his defense, and was placed in psychiatric hold three times in the month prior to the killing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cramer ruled that Cowell may not be competent to stand trial and ordered two court appointed psychiatrists to examine him and report back in February.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cowell was released from a maximum security facility for mentally ill convicts less than three months before Wilson and her 26-year-old sister were attacked while changing trains on July 22, said his lawyer, Christina Moore. Wilson's sister, Lahtifa, recovered.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prosecutors say Cowell randomly attacked the sisters. If convicted, he is eligible for the death penalty.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"An Alameda County Judge has ordered psychiatrists to examine John Lee Cowell, the man charged with the stabbing death of 18-year-old Nia Wilson. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1545942296,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":7,"wordCount":164},"headData":{"title":"Judge: Man Charged in Nia Wilson Stabbing May be Mentally Unfit | KQED","description":"An Alameda County Judge has ordered psychiatrists to examine John Lee Cowell, the man charged with the stabbing death of 18-year-old Nia Wilson. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"Judge: Man Charged in Nia Wilson Stabbing May be Mentally Unfit","datePublished":"2018-12-27T20:24:56.000Z","dateModified":"2018-12-27T20:24:56.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11714784 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11714784","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2018/12/27/judge-man-charged-in-nia-wilson-stabbing-may-be-mentally-unfit/","disqusTitle":"Judge: Man Charged in Nia Wilson Stabbing May be Mentally Unfit","path":"/news/11714784/judge-man-charged-in-nia-wilson-stabbing-may-be-mentally-unfit","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>A judge on Thursday suspended criminal proceedings against John Lee Cowell, a transient charged with stabbing 18-year-old \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11684939/nia-wilsons-purpose-oakland-buries-a-daughter-and-demands-justice-in-her-name\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Nia Wilson\u003c/a> to death at the MacArthur BART station over the summer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A lawyer for John Lee Cowell, 28, told Alameda County Superior Court Judge James Cramer that he suffers severe delusions and paranoia, was unable to assist in his defense, and was placed in psychiatric hold three times in the month prior to the killing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cramer ruled that Cowell may not be competent to stand trial and ordered two court appointed psychiatrists to examine him and report back in February.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cowell was released from a maximum security facility for mentally ill convicts less than three months before Wilson and her 26-year-old sister were attacked while changing trains on July 22, said his lawyer, Christina Moore. Wilson's sister, Lahtifa, recovered.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prosecutors say Cowell randomly attacked the sisters. If convicted, he is eligible for the death penalty.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11714784/judge-man-charged-in-nia-wilson-stabbing-may-be-mentally-unfit","authors":["237"],"programs":["news_72"],"categories":["news_6188","news_8"],"tags":["news_269","news_22434","news_23776","news_18"],"label":"news_72"},"news_11686072":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11686072","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11686072","score":null,"sort":[1534177809000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"a-dance-with-death-the-final-days-of-kelly-johnson-video","title":"A Dance With Death: The Final Days of Kelly Johnson [Video]","publishDate":1534177809,"format":"video","headTitle":"KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>A few months ago, I was offered the opportunity to film the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13831648/kelly-johnson-former-berkeley-symphony-director-chooses-to-end-life\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">last days\u003c/a> of Kelly Johnson’s life. I did not know him. I did not know how or why the date of his death was predetermined.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I was told to show up the next morning at Peet’s in The Fillmore. Then I’d walk half a block with my equipment to a beautiful blue Victorian overlooking Fillmore Street where he’d lived since 1969. After climbing two flights of stairs, each step creaking with antiquity, I entered the top flat. I followed an oxygen tube strewn across the carpet.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"pullquote alignright\">'I look back at my life and I’ve choreographed an extraordinary dance. It’s over. Strike a pose! Bring the curtain down!'\u003cbr>\n\u003ccite>Kelly Johnson\u003c/cite>\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>Kelly Johnson sat on his red couch, calmly staring out the window, as I approached with my camera in hand. A smile stretched across his face as he greeted me. He was ready for his close up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I only met Kelly during the last two weeks of his life, but came to feel as if I had known him longer than I’ve been alive. His spirit was unrestrained. But his body was incapacitated, tethered to his oxygen concentrator and restricted to a walker and, at the end, a wheelchair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My body has given out,” he said. “You take away my medication, my oxygen, and I’ll be dead by sundown.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At 75 years old, Kelly's breathing was labored and his body wracked with arthritis. He was terminally ill with pulmonary disease. After several years of declining health, barely able to leave his apartment, he began planning his death. On May 7 of this year, Kelly Johnson died after invoking California’s aid-in-dying law — a memory I cannot erase.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"alignright\">\n\u003ch3>\u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/events/412308225924469/\">Screening of 'A Dance With Death'\u003c/a>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11686097\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11686097\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-1020x574.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-1020x574.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-160x90.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-800x450.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-1200x675.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-1920x1080.png 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-1180x664.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-960x540.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-240x135.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-375x211.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-520x293.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A poster for the 24-minute film by Arash Malekzadeh.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>A screening of a longer version of \"A Dance With Death\" will be held on \u003cstrong>Wednesday, August 15th at 7 p.m. at Landmark's Clay Theatre\u003c/strong>, followed by a discussion with filmmaker Arash Malekzadeh and Kelly Johnson's daughter Leda Meredith. Kim Nalley and Tammy Hall will perform.\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli style=\"list-style-type: none\">\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Tickets available \u003ca href=\"https://www.landmarktheatres.com/san-francisco/clay-theatre/film-info/a-dance-with-death?attributes=165\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"#\">.\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11686334/a-lesson-in-how-to-die\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Hear a conversation\u003c/a> with filmmaker Arash Malekzadeh on \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/the-bay\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">'The Bay'\u003c/a>.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>California’s End of Life Option Act went into effect on June 9, 2016, allowing terminally ill adults to be prescribed aid-in-dying medication under certain conditions. Patients must have the capacity to make medical decisions for themselves and self-administer the drug, either by eating, drinking or swallowing it. Pharmacies and physicians can opt out at any point.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In May, about a week after Kelly passed, the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11669924/california-moves-to-defend-law-allowing-life-ending-drugs\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">law was temporarily halted\u003c/a> by legal challenges. On June 15, a California appeals court reinstated the End of Life Option Act while those challenges make their way through the courts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kelly came to his decision on the way to Peet’s, a community hub on the corner of Fillmore and Sacramento. He \u003ca href=\"http://newfillmore.com/2017/01/02/kellys-corner/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">was a regular there\u003c/a>, having spent countless mornings and afternoons cultivating friendships over cups of coffee and conversation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I reached a point where people were coming and dragging me down to Peet’s, and I was just gasping for breath,” Kelly said. “There was nothing left of me.” He realized his patronage at Peet’s would soon come to a halt. “I got about three or four steps from my house and I just wanted to die,” he said. “I wanted it to be over.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As a child, Kelly performed with his sister on the vaudeville circuit in Chicago as a contortionist and tap dancer. When he moved to California as an adult in the late 1960s, he and his wife started the San Francisco Dance Theater on Fillmore Street — and changed the face of Bay Area dance in the decades that followed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the 1980s, he shifted his focus after becoming executive director of the Berkeley Symphony, working alongside international greats such as conductor Kent Nagano, until his diminishing health pushed him toward retirement. In the final stretch of his career, he became a concert pianist, embarking on a tour of retirement communities in Northern California, playing classical piano concerts and composing original music of his own. Earlier this year, he issued a final album of ballet music he wrote and performed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11686196\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 640px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11686196 size-large\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-1020x776.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"487\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-1020x776.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-160x122.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-800x609.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-1200x914.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-1180x898.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-960x731.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-240x183.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-375x285.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-520x396.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly.jpg 1910w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kelly Johnson in 1970. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Kelly Johnson)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“I’ve managed to produce something that I’ve loved until the very end,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kelly Johnson was\u003ca href=\"https://www.kellyjohnson.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> an entertainer at heart\u003c/a>. He’d arranged countless performances throughout his life and was determined to orchestrate his own death — the grand finale.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I look back at my life and I’ve choreographed an extraordinary dance,” he said. “It’s over. Strike a pose! Bring the curtain down!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As I documented his final weeks, I witnessed a person truly coming to peace with the end of his life. Kelly spent his evenings in the intimate company of his friends, listening to private performances from various musical guests. The sounds of the piano and B3 organ, vocal melodies and clinking glasses floated through his living room window out into the night air.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m in my home, I’ve got live music, I’ve got a lot of people,” he said. “I can go to a nursing home and I’d have a chest at the end of my bed with all my belongings in it, with someone who’s prolonging my life in misery. But you don’t have to have a black period in your life. I don’t, and I’m very fortunate.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At first, I felt intrusive — following his final moments with a camera, recording private conversations and interactions. Yet Kelly didn’t mind. He wanted the world to hear his story and to know about the end-of-life option.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kelly acknowledged that he could let his life naturally take its course, or take his chances by quitting the medication that was keeping him alive. But he was determined to choreograph exactly how he would leave the world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m happy he can go the way he wants to,” said Leda Meredith, his daughter. “What the rest of us have to deal with, as far as grieving after the fact, is not his problem.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On his last day, seven hours before his death, I followed Kelly on his final trip down to Peet’s. He was surrounded by his eclectic community of longtime companions and neighborhood friends, all eager to say their final goodbyes. On the wall was a newly hung portrait of him. He read from a brass plaque attached to the place where he often sat, engraved with the words “Kelly’s Corner.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11686203\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11686203\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-1200x675.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-1180x664.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-960x540.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-240x135.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-375x211.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-520x293.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">On his last day, Kelly Johnson was surrounded by friends at his favorite spot, the Peet's in The Fillmore. \u003ccite>(Arash Malekzadeh)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“'In loving remembrance of Kelly Johnson, Mayor of Peet’s and friend to all,'” he read aloud before the emotional crowd erupted in applause. After an hour of goodbyes, he retreated back to his home to prepare to die.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I set up my tripod next to his baby grand piano. My lens peeked around the corner of the archway leading into his living room. I knew what to expect, although I couldn’t say I was ready. But Kelly was.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He took his anti-nausea medication in preparation for the aid-in-dying drug. He sat with his daughter on his left and his best friend and neighbor on his right. He drank a rare tequila from India as he listened to a recording of himself playing Scriabin’s 24 Preludes, Opus 11. His hands jolted as his muscle memory played along.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“They’re not perfect, but I love those pieces,” he said. “If anything musically is me, it’s those pieces.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11686197\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11686197\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-800x805.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"805\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-800x805.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-160x161.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-1020x1026.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-1192x1200.jpg 1192w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-1920x1932.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-1180x1187.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-960x966.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-240x242.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-375x377.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-520x523.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">\"Kelly on Fillmore\" by Anne Ruth Isaacson \u003ccite>(Anne Ruth Isaacson)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>After the 40-minute composition ended, he was handed the aid-in-dying medication — 90 capsules of powder mixed with orange juice. He had two minutes before the concoction turned to sludge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think now my brain is telling me it’ll fade away peacefully and leave me with my friends,” Kelly said. “That’s my everlasting life. And I’m very happy, just very happy.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On his cue, the room filled with his most recent recording, Chopin’s Nocturne 21 B. With no hesitation, he quickly sipped the cocktail through an oversized straw. As the music fluttered through the speakers, his eyes settled shut in the embrace of his most beloved.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>A version of this story was previously published in \u003ca href=\"http://newfillmore.com/2018/05/31/the-final-days-of-kelly-johnson/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The New Fillmore\u003c/a>. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>A screening of a longer version of\u003c/em> A Dance With Death \u003cem>will be held on Wednesday, August 15th at 7 p.m. at Landmark's Clay Theatre. More information can be \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/events/412308225924469/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">found here\u003c/a>\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Filmmaker Arash Malekzadeh appeared on the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11686334/a-lesson-in-how-to-die\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">August 13th episode of The Bay\u003c/a> to discuss his time spent with Kelly Johnson.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"A California law gave Fillmore fixture Kelly Johnson the option to end his life as he wished. He took it.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1534622941,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":34,"wordCount":1573},"headData":{"title":"A Dance With Death: The Final Days of Kelly Johnson [Video] | KQED","description":"A California law gave Fillmore fixture Kelly Johnson the option to end his life as he wished. He took it.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"A Dance With Death: The Final Days of Kelly Johnson [Video]","datePublished":"2018-08-13T16:30:09.000Z","dateModified":"2018-08-18T20:09:01.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11686072 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11686072","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2018/08/13/a-dance-with-death-the-final-days-of-kelly-johnson-video/","disqusTitle":"A Dance With Death: The Final Days of Kelly Johnson [Video]","videoEmbed":"https://vimeo.com/284403404","path":"/news/11686072/a-dance-with-death-the-final-days-of-kelly-johnson-video","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>A few months ago, I was offered the opportunity to film the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13831648/kelly-johnson-former-berkeley-symphony-director-chooses-to-end-life\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">last days\u003c/a> of Kelly Johnson’s life. I did not know him. I did not know how or why the date of his death was predetermined.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I was told to show up the next morning at Peet’s in The Fillmore. Then I’d walk half a block with my equipment to a beautiful blue Victorian overlooking Fillmore Street where he’d lived since 1969. After climbing two flights of stairs, each step creaking with antiquity, I entered the top flat. I followed an oxygen tube strewn across the carpet.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"pullquote alignright\">'I look back at my life and I’ve choreographed an extraordinary dance. It’s over. Strike a pose! Bring the curtain down!'\u003cbr>\n\u003ccite>Kelly Johnson\u003c/cite>\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>Kelly Johnson sat on his red couch, calmly staring out the window, as I approached with my camera in hand. A smile stretched across his face as he greeted me. He was ready for his close up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I only met Kelly during the last two weeks of his life, but came to feel as if I had known him longer than I’ve been alive. His spirit was unrestrained. But his body was incapacitated, tethered to his oxygen concentrator and restricted to a walker and, at the end, a wheelchair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My body has given out,” he said. “You take away my medication, my oxygen, and I’ll be dead by sundown.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At 75 years old, Kelly's breathing was labored and his body wracked with arthritis. He was terminally ill with pulmonary disease. After several years of declining health, barely able to leave his apartment, he began planning his death. On May 7 of this year, Kelly Johnson died after invoking California’s aid-in-dying law — a memory I cannot erase.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"alignright\">\n\u003ch3>\u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/events/412308225924469/\">Screening of 'A Dance With Death'\u003c/a>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11686097\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 300px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11686097\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-1020x574.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-1020x574.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-160x90.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-800x450.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-1200x675.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-1920x1080.png 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-1180x664.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-960x540.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-240x135.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-375x211.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Screen-Shot-2018-08-09-at-5.18.20-PM-2-520x293.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A poster for the 24-minute film by Arash Malekzadeh.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>A screening of a longer version of \"A Dance With Death\" will be held on \u003cstrong>Wednesday, August 15th at 7 p.m. at Landmark's Clay Theatre\u003c/strong>, followed by a discussion with filmmaker Arash Malekzadeh and Kelly Johnson's daughter Leda Meredith. Kim Nalley and Tammy Hall will perform.\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli style=\"list-style-type: none\">\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Tickets available \u003ca href=\"https://www.landmarktheatres.com/san-francisco/clay-theatre/film-info/a-dance-with-death?attributes=165\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"#\">.\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11686334/a-lesson-in-how-to-die\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Hear a conversation\u003c/a> with filmmaker Arash Malekzadeh on \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/tag/the-bay\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">'The Bay'\u003c/a>.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>California’s End of Life Option Act went into effect on June 9, 2016, allowing terminally ill adults to be prescribed aid-in-dying medication under certain conditions. Patients must have the capacity to make medical decisions for themselves and self-administer the drug, either by eating, drinking or swallowing it. Pharmacies and physicians can opt out at any point.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In May, about a week after Kelly passed, the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11669924/california-moves-to-defend-law-allowing-life-ending-drugs\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">law was temporarily halted\u003c/a> by legal challenges. On June 15, a California appeals court reinstated the End of Life Option Act while those challenges make their way through the courts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kelly came to his decision on the way to Peet’s, a community hub on the corner of Fillmore and Sacramento. He \u003ca href=\"http://newfillmore.com/2017/01/02/kellys-corner/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">was a regular there\u003c/a>, having spent countless mornings and afternoons cultivating friendships over cups of coffee and conversation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I reached a point where people were coming and dragging me down to Peet’s, and I was just gasping for breath,” Kelly said. “There was nothing left of me.” He realized his patronage at Peet’s would soon come to a halt. “I got about three or four steps from my house and I just wanted to die,” he said. “I wanted it to be over.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As a child, Kelly performed with his sister on the vaudeville circuit in Chicago as a contortionist and tap dancer. When he moved to California as an adult in the late 1960s, he and his wife started the San Francisco Dance Theater on Fillmore Street — and changed the face of Bay Area dance in the decades that followed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the 1980s, he shifted his focus after becoming executive director of the Berkeley Symphony, working alongside international greats such as conductor Kent Nagano, until his diminishing health pushed him toward retirement. In the final stretch of his career, he became a concert pianist, embarking on a tour of retirement communities in Northern California, playing classical piano concerts and composing original music of his own. Earlier this year, he issued a final album of ballet music he wrote and performed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11686196\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 640px\">\u003cimg class=\"wp-image-11686196 size-large\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-1020x776.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"487\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-1020x776.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-160x122.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-800x609.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-1200x914.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-1180x898.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-960x731.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-240x183.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-375x285.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly-520x396.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/youngkelly.jpg 1910w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kelly Johnson in 1970. \u003ccite>(Courtesy Kelly Johnson)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“I’ve managed to produce something that I’ve loved until the very end,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kelly Johnson was\u003ca href=\"https://www.kellyjohnson.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> an entertainer at heart\u003c/a>. He’d arranged countless performances throughout his life and was determined to orchestrate his own death — the grand finale.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I look back at my life and I’ve choreographed an extraordinary dance,” he said. “It’s over. Strike a pose! Bring the curtain down!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As I documented his final weeks, I witnessed a person truly coming to peace with the end of his life. Kelly spent his evenings in the intimate company of his friends, listening to private performances from various musical guests. The sounds of the piano and B3 organ, vocal melodies and clinking glasses floated through his living room window out into the night air.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m in my home, I’ve got live music, I’ve got a lot of people,” he said. “I can go to a nursing home and I’d have a chest at the end of my bed with all my belongings in it, with someone who’s prolonging my life in misery. But you don’t have to have a black period in your life. I don’t, and I’m very fortunate.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At first, I felt intrusive — following his final moments with a camera, recording private conversations and interactions. Yet Kelly didn’t mind. He wanted the world to hear his story and to know about the end-of-life option.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kelly acknowledged that he could let his life naturally take its course, or take his chances by quitting the medication that was keeping him alive. But he was determined to choreograph exactly how he would leave the world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m happy he can go the way he wants to,” said Leda Meredith, his daughter. “What the rest of us have to deal with, as far as grieving after the fact, is not his problem.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On his last day, seven hours before his death, I followed Kelly on his final trip down to Peet’s. He was surrounded by his eclectic community of longtime companions and neighborhood friends, all eager to say their final goodbyes. On the wall was a newly hung portrait of him. He read from a brass plaque attached to the place where he often sat, engraved with the words “Kelly’s Corner.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11686203\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11686203\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-1200x675.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-1180x664.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-960x540.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-240x135.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-375x211.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/Peets-520x293.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">On his last day, Kelly Johnson was surrounded by friends at his favorite spot, the Peet's in The Fillmore. \u003ccite>(Arash Malekzadeh)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“'In loving remembrance of Kelly Johnson, Mayor of Peet’s and friend to all,'” he read aloud before the emotional crowd erupted in applause. After an hour of goodbyes, he retreated back to his home to prepare to die.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I set up my tripod next to his baby grand piano. My lens peeked around the corner of the archway leading into his living room. I knew what to expect, although I couldn’t say I was ready. But Kelly was.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He took his anti-nausea medication in preparation for the aid-in-dying drug. He sat with his daughter on his left and his best friend and neighbor on his right. He drank a rare tequila from India as he listened to a recording of himself playing Scriabin’s 24 Preludes, Opus 11. His hands jolted as his muscle memory played along.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“They’re not perfect, but I love those pieces,” he said. “If anything musically is me, it’s those pieces.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11686197\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11686197\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-800x805.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"805\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-800x805.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-160x161.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-1020x1026.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-1192x1200.jpg 1192w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-1920x1932.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-1180x1187.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-960x966.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-240x242.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-375x377.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-520x523.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2018/08/isaacson-a-c-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">\"Kelly on Fillmore\" by Anne Ruth Isaacson \u003ccite>(Anne Ruth Isaacson)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>After the 40-minute composition ended, he was handed the aid-in-dying medication — 90 capsules of powder mixed with orange juice. He had two minutes before the concoction turned to sludge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think now my brain is telling me it’ll fade away peacefully and leave me with my friends,” Kelly said. “That’s my everlasting life. And I’m very happy, just very happy.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On his cue, the room filled with his most recent recording, Chopin’s Nocturne 21 B. With no hesitation, he quickly sipped the cocktail through an oversized straw. As the music fluttered through the speakers, his eyes settled shut in the embrace of his most beloved.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>A version of this story was previously published in \u003ca href=\"http://newfillmore.com/2018/05/31/the-final-days-of-kelly-johnson/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The New Fillmore\u003c/a>. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>A screening of a longer version of\u003c/em> A Dance With Death \u003cem>will be held on Wednesday, August 15th at 7 p.m. at Landmark's Clay Theatre. More information can be \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/events/412308225924469/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">found here\u003c/a>\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Filmmaker Arash Malekzadeh appeared on the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11686334/a-lesson-in-how-to-die\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">August 13th episode of The Bay\u003c/a> to discuss his time spent with Kelly Johnson.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11686072/a-dance-with-death-the-final-days-of-kelly-johnson-video","authors":["11366"],"categories":["news_223","news_457","news_8"],"tags":["news_22434","news_1930","news_150"],"featImg":"news_11686202","label":"news"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.","airtime":"SUN 2pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Possible-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.possible.fm/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Possible"},"link":"/radio/program/possible","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/possible/id1677184070","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/730YpdUSNlMyPQwNnyjp4k"}},"1a":{"id":"1a","title":"1A","info":"1A is home to the national conversation. 1A brings on great guests and frames the best debate in ways that make you think, share and engage.","airtime":"MON-THU 11pm-12am","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/1a.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://the1a.org/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/1a","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=1188724250&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/1A-p947376/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510316/podcast.xml"}},"all-things-considered":{"id":"all-things-considered","title":"All Things Considered","info":"Every weekday, \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em> hosts Robert Siegel, Audie Cornish, Ari Shapiro, and Kelly McEvers present the program's trademark mix of news, interviews, commentaries, reviews, and offbeat features. Michel Martin hosts on the weekends.","airtime":"MON-FRI 1pm-2pm, 4:30pm-6:30pm\u003cbr />SAT-SUN 5pm-6pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/All-Things-Considered-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.npr.org/programs/all-things-considered/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/all-things-considered"},"american-suburb-podcast":{"id":"american-suburb-podcast","title":"American Suburb: The Podcast","tagline":"The flip side of gentrification, told through one town","info":"Gentrification is changing cities across America, forcing people from neighborhoods they have long called home. Call them the displaced. Now those priced out of the Bay Area are looking for a better life in an unlikely place. American Suburb follows this migration to one California town along the Delta, 45 miles from San Francisco. But is this once sleepy suburb ready for them?","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/American-Suburb-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"13"},"link":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?mt=2&id=1287748328","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/American-Suburb-p1086805/","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkMzMDExODgxNjA5"}},"baycurious":{"id":"baycurious","title":"Bay Curious","tagline":"Exploring the Bay Area, one question at a time","info":"KQED’s new podcast, Bay Curious, gets to the bottom of the mysteries — both profound and peculiar — that give the Bay Area its unique identity. And we’ll do it with your help! You ask the questions. You decide what Bay Curious investigates. And you join us on the journey to find the answers.","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Bay-Curious-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"\"KQED Bay Curious","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/baycurious","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"4"},"link":"/podcasts/baycurious","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bay-curious/id1172473406","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/500557090/bay-curious","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/category/bay-curious-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93dzIua3FlZC5vcmcvbmV3cy9jYXRlZ29yeS9iYXktY3VyaW91cy1wb2RjYXN0L2ZlZWQvcG9kY2FzdA","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/bay-curious","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/6O76IdmhixfijmhTZLIJ8k"}},"bbc-world-service":{"id":"bbc-world-service","title":"BBC World Service","info":"The day's top stories from BBC News compiled twice daily in the week, once at weekends.","airtime":"MON-FRI 9pm-10pm, TUE-FRI 1am-2am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/BBC-World-Service-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/live:bbc_world_service","meta":{"site":"news","source":"BBC World Service"},"link":"/radio/program/bbc-world-service","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/global-news-podcast/id135067274?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/BBC-World-Service-p455581/","rss":"https://podcasts.files.bbci.co.uk/p02nq0gn.rss"}},"code-switch-life-kit":{"id":"code-switch-life-kit","title":"Code Switch / Life Kit","info":"\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em>, which listeners will hear in the first part of the hour, has fearless and much-needed conversations about race. Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. 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You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn","officialWebsiteLink":"/mindshift/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"2"},"link":"/podcasts/mindshift","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindshift-podcast/id1078765985","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/464615685/mind-shift-podcast","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx"}},"morning-edition":{"id":"morning-edition","title":"Morning Edition","info":"\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. Hosts Steve Inskeep, David Greene and Rachel Martin bring you the latest breaking news and features to prepare you for the day.","airtime":"MON-FRI 3am-9am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Morning-Edition-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.npr.org/programs/morning-edition/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/morning-edition"},"onourwatch":{"id":"onourwatch","title":"On Our Watch","tagline":"Police secrets, unsealed","info":"For decades, the process for how police police themselves has been inconsistent – if not opaque. In some states, like California, these proceedings were completely hidden. After a new police transparency law unsealed scores of internal affairs files, our reporters set out to examine these cases and the shadow world of police discipline. On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/On-Our-Watch-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"On Our Watch from NPR and KQED","officialWebsiteLink":"/podcasts/onourwatch","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"1"},"link":"/podcasts/onourwatch","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1567098962","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5ucHIub3JnLzUxMDM2MC9wb2RjYXN0LnhtbD9zYz1nb29nbGVwb2RjYXN0cw","npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/onourwatch","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0OLWoyizopu6tY1XiuX70x","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/On-Our-Watch-p1436229/","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/show/on-our-watch","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510360/podcast.xml"}},"on-the-media":{"id":"on-the-media","title":"On The Media","info":"Our weekly podcast explores how the media 'sausage' is made, casts an incisive eye on fluctuations in the marketplace of ideas, and examines threats to the freedom of information and expression in America and abroad. For one hour a week, the show tries to lift the veil from the process of \"making media,\" especially news media, because it's through that lens that we see the world and the world sees us","airtime":"SUN 2pm-3pm, MON 12am-1am","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/onTheMedia.png","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/otm","meta":{"site":"news","source":"wnyc"},"link":"/radio/program/on-the-media","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/on-the-media/id73330715?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/On-the-Media-p69/","rss":"http://feeds.wnyc.org/onthemedia"}},"our-body-politic":{"id":"our-body-politic","title":"Our Body Politic","info":"Presented by KQED, KCRW and KPCC, and created and hosted by award-winning journalist Farai Chideya, Our Body Politic is unapologetically centered on reporting on not just how women of color experience the major political events of today, but how they’re impacting those very issues.","airtime":"SAT 6pm-7pm, SUN 1am-2am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Our-Body-Politic-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://our-body-politic.simplecast.com/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kcrw"},"link":"/radio/program/our-body-politic","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/our-body-politic/id1533069868","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5zaW1wbGVjYXN0LmNvbS9feGFQaHMxcw","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/4ApAiLT1kV153TttWAmqmc","rss":"https://feeds.simplecast.com/_xaPhs1s","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/podcasts/News--Politics-Podcasts/Our-Body-Politic-p1369211/"}},"pbs-newshour":{"id":"pbs-newshour","title":"PBS NewsHour","info":"Analysis, background reports and updates from the PBS NewsHour putting today's news in context.","airtime":"MON-FRI 3pm-4pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/PBS-News-Hour-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.pbs.org/newshour/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"pbs"},"link":"/radio/program/pbs-newshour","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pbs-newshour-full-show/id394432287?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/PBS-NewsHour---Full-Show-p425698/","rss":"https://www.pbs.org/newshour/feeds/rss/podcasts/show"}},"perspectives":{"id":"perspectives","title":"Perspectives","tagline":"KQED's series of of daily listener commentaries since 1991","info":"KQED's series of of daily listener commentaries since 1991.","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Perspectives-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"/perspectives/","meta":{"site":"radio","source":"kqed","order":"15"},"link":"/perspectives","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id73801135","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/432309616/perspectives","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/perspectives/category/perspectives/feed/","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93dzIua3FlZC5vcmcvcGVyc3BlY3RpdmVzL2NhdGVnb3J5L3BlcnNwZWN0aXZlcy9mZWVkLw"}},"planet-money":{"id":"planet-money","title":"Planet Money","info":"The economy explained. 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