Besides patients and their families, no one is feeling the pain of the COVID-19 catastrophe more than health care workers. The onslaught has exhausted them, but many also use the word "betrayed" to describe their feelings toward the public, and they have grown angry at people for skirting safety rule because they know much of the suffering is avoidable.
Doctors, nurses and other front-line workers feel like they're starting to crack.
“I have never lost so many patients in a short period of time,” said Dr. Dinora Chinchilla, an Orange County pulmonologist specializing in critical care. We have checked in regularly throughout the pandemic, and she called me recently on her drive home after a long shift, fighting back tears.
“I see sick, sick, sick, sick, sick and a lot of death,” she sputtered.
Chinchilla described the horrific situation at her hospital: Ambulances lined up around the block, day and night. Patients queued in big pop-up tents. Halls overflowing with sick people. The criteria for who is admitted to the ICU has changed because there aren’t enough beds. Meaning patients must be sicker than usual to qualify for critical care.
She and her colleagues are feeling it in a big way.
“We can see it in each other's faces,” Chinchilla said. “I've had janitors look at me, and they're like, ‘Oh, doc. You look so pale.’”
When Chinchilla arrives home at night, she tries to put on a good face for her 2-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son, but she often crumbles into a pile of tears as they rush toward her.
“I don't want them to see me sad,” she said. “They give me a big hug, and I try to smile even though I’m crushed inside from what we are seeing at the hospital.”