This began a series of incremental choices that wouldn’t, at the time, have felt as extreme as they seem in hindsight. Maura and Steve became the first members of the Greens’ church. They raised children in the harsh environment that Lila — who’d renamed herself Deborah — cultivated. And because of her lingering doubts, or simply because she refused to beat her children as firmly as Deborah thought she should, Maura was punished. She was first ostracized then exiled. Although being banished was painful, for Maura, it eventually became a relief, a way to escape.
The twists and turns Hill follows throughout this true story are extraordinary, and the author does a wonderful job of contextualizing the painful, sometimes horrifying choices his subjects made — especially those involving women leaving their children, which, as he points out, would be perceived very differently if these women had been men.
How and why do people end up in cults? Why did Maura Aluzas join ACMTC if she was never fully on board? Well, Hill reminds readers, no one really “joins” a cult. “They join what they believe to be an alternative community, or an especially devoted religious group.” Gradually, things change, but by then, the group has become a home, a kind of family.
Those born into or raised in a cult, of course, have no choice in the matter of joining. Sarah Green, Deborah and Jim’s first child, grew up in ACMTC, moving with her parents and their followers as they sought to avoid legal consequences for their various actions. When she escaped in adulthood, she left behind three young children of her own — practically speaking, she couldn’t run away with them. She tried to go back to get them, but her mother allowed her to see them only briefly before effectively hiding them away. Part of Sarah still believed that she was very literally going to hell for leaving ACMTC; she rationalized that her children, at least, could still be granted entry to heaven.
Our culture is fascinated by cults, and there’s an element of self-soothing to be found in consuming media about them. We would never join a cult, we tell ourselves. But it’s generally believed now that what makes a person vulnerable to a cult isn’t anything innate about them but rather a confluence of factors relating to their circumstances, their support networks, and the options open to them. I was often reminded, while reading this book, of a now-iconic scene in the second season of Fleabag, when Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s character, who is grieving the death of her friend — which she believes to have been her fault — confesses to the priest she’s in love with that she wants someone to tell her what to do. She wants to be told “what to like, what to hate, what to rage about.” Most of all, she wants someone to tell her what to believe in and how to live her life.