The Secret to Seeing Your Friends More Often in Adulthood

This week, as we near the end of 2025, the writers and editors of KQED Arts & Culture are reflecting on One Beautiful Thing from the year.

In college, no one warns you how difficult it will be to maintain friendships in adulthood. The campus provides endless opportunities to run into friends, grab a bite together in the dining halls and dance at the same parties. “Long distance” usually means your friend lives on the opposite corner of the walkable and bikeable environment you call home. There’s even the “freshman year friend group” effect — the people you mostly befriend out of convenience, because you live on the same floor of the same building.

San Francisco is, geographically speaking, relatively small. Not campus small, but the space is tight enough that running into people you know is inevitable. In theory, that should make seeing friends easier — everyone is a MUNI ride away, right? Unfortunately, for quite some time, this had the opposite effect for me, as if knowing I could hypothetically meet up for coffee anytime was enough to keep connections alive. 

This year, my college friends and I came up with a new approach — a standing Tuesday rendezvous that we plan in the group chat, as long as two or more of us are available and willing to hang out. It was not a groundbreaking, never-before-seen concept, but my friend Dea made sure we followed through.

That’s how the two of us ended up at a wine bar in the Mission one rainy evening. Over some tasty syrah, I asked her about how her new job was going and what travel plans she has coming up. She asked me about my dating life. We discussed the interior design of the bar, which reminded us of some of the bars we’d go to in Berlin, when we studied abroad there together. By the time we left, we’d successfully caught up, and already planted the seeds for our next hang. 

Over the course of the next few weeks, we continued to see each other more consistently, skipping some weeks but sticking with our Tuesday gatherings. I would consider these “low-effort” hangs, the kind where it doesn’t matter what you wear or how you look. We might sip on some hot tea (literally and figuratively) at one of our apartments or go to the theater to see a foreign film. The point was always to make room in our social calendars and build community as adults.

Last night, after everyone returned from their Thanksgiving travels, we got together at my apartment. There was wine, there were snacks and most importantly, we had two dogs in attendance, keeping us entertained at all times. We were at least an hour deep into conversation when I noticed I completely forgot to put on any background music. Five humans and two dogs, it turns out, are enough to fill in every gap where a chill R&B playlist would typically shine.

At the end of the night, we had to acknowledge that this might very well have been the last time we’d all see each other before the new year, and that we’d need to consciously revive our casual hangouts when everyone’s back in the city. Maybe tending to our adult friendships doesn’t have to be so complicated. I went to bed with my heart full, comforted by the idea that we’d probably be together again on another Tuesday night very soon.