So What if Radiohead is Headlining Outside Lands?

It’s Friday, and the rumors are a-swirling: specifically, that Radiohead will headline Outside Lands this year in Golden Gate Park.

Confirmed by “sources,” according to Consequence of Sound, Radiohead is scheduled to play the three-day festival in San Francisco this August. If true, it would mean a return to Golden Gate Park for the band, who ushered in the inaugural Outside Lands in 2008.

A representative from Outside Lands declined comment to Consequence of Sound, saying that “We would be thrilled to have Radiohead headline Outside Lands, but we do not announce our lineup for a couple of months.”

If the “sources” are correct — and who are we to say they are or aren’t? — then there are a few things that need to happen here.

1. The sound system needs to be bulletproof. One of the more notable incidents during Radiohead’s 2008 appearance at Outside Lands came when the sound cut out mid-song — not once, but twice. Sound engineers: double-or triple-check everything this time around.

2. All paths in the park get widened. Do you remember the stampede in 2008 between the end of Beck’s set in Sutro Meadow and Radiohead’s set in the Polo Fields? Thousands of people, plowing down fences and trampling through bushes. Pro tip: widen all pathways an additional 10 feet for Radiohead.

3. Band must play “Fake Plastic Trees.” At Outside Lands, multicolored lights splay out across the towering trees surrounding the Polo Fields, and in 2008, as the band played “Fake Plastic Trees,” they never looked so strange, surreal, and marvelous. Put it in their contract: the song must be played.

4. The Black Keys play the side stage. Last year’s head-to-head booking of the Black Keys on the main Polo Field stage while Kendrick Lamar played the smaller Twin Peaks stage will probably go down as an embarrassment in the history books. Just to be safe and rectify the situation: this year, force the Black Keys to play at the same time as Radiohead.

5. Thom Yorke appears on KQED Forum. Really, there’s no excuse not to, right?

Radiohead is also scheduled to play Lollapalooza in Chicago and the Osheaga Music Festival in Montreal. Consequence of Sound’s report can be found here.