The Most Creepily Problematic Sexy Songs of the 1990s

Since the dawn of rock and pop music, there have been songs specifically designed to shock, or at the very least cause some discomfort. Before you listen to a song like "Rape Me" by Nirvana or The Prodigy's "Smack My B***h Up," you know well in advance that you're about to listen to something that might make you uncomfortable.

But what about the songs that, on the surface, seem perfectly normal but are, in fact, drenched in creepdom? These jams catch you off guard, engage your gag reflex, and make you wonder how you heard a song so many times before and never realized how gross it was. Here's a selection of some of the worst offenders from the 1990s. Prepare to shudder.

"Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind (1997)

Careful now. Watching Stephan Jenkins in this video, rolling up Valencia Street, past Boogaloo's and Valencia Cyclery, can be quite distracting if you're a San Francisco resident. Even if you're not, the jauntiness of the doo-doo-doo's and the stupidly catchy chorus will have a similar effect, lulling you into a false sense of security about the niceness of this song. And then one day you notice -- bam! -- Stephan Jenkins is singing about being a cocaine-addled sex pest. The drug use in this song isn't even subtle once you finally notice it: "...a bump for the drop, And then I bumped up, I took the hit I was given, Then I bumped again, And then I bumped again." Then there's the creepy talk of "little red panties," pushing a woman "face down on the mattress," and -- this is peak stalker -- "not listening when you say goodbye." Major creepsville.

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"Age Ain't Nothing But a Number" by Aaliyah (1994)

The first time you hear the smooth grooves of "Age Ain't Nothing But a Number," it's undoubtedly seductive. Because of her vocal prowess, it's easy to forget that Aaliyah was only 15 when this track came out, but think of a 15-year-old in your life singing this track to an older suitor for a second, and it immediately ceases to be a romantic jam. Then when you find out that R. Kelly -- a man whose predilection for underage girls, and possibly even cults, is well-documented -- wrote it, it basically stops being a song and starts sounding like the open planning of a sex crime. The world misses you, Aaliyah, but... no.

"...Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears (1998)

Ever wonder why the name of this song is so awkward? With the ellipses and everything? It's probably because someone in Jive Records' marketing department noticed that this record cover would become instantly problematic if it had the words "Hit Me" on it.

"Do Me!" by Bel Biv Devoe (1990)

Before you think this one is too obvious -- and yes, it is crazy obvious on the general this-song-is-definitely-about-gross-sex front -- the problem here is not all the talk of smacking, flipping, and doing. It's not even all the sex noises peppered throughout (though they do bring a general creep vibe to the thing). No, the reason this dumb song about sex is on this list is because of the sneaky statutory rape hidden in the middle of it: "Take off your clothes and leave on your shoes, Would you mind if I looked at you for a moment? Before I make sweet love. Backstage, underage, adolescent." Not as funny now, is it?

"Crash Into Me" by Dave Matthews Band (1996)

Awww, what a beautiful song about love, infatuation, and the art of heterosexual lovemaking! What a quintessentially '90s music video full of technicolor trees and elegant ladies dancing in slow motion! You just know that, all across the world, "Crash Into Me" has probably soundtracked an awful lot of white people's sexy times. And all of those couples probably never noticed the part at the very end of this song when Matthews' protagonist changes his tone: "Hike up your skirt a little bit," he demands. "Oh, I watch you there, through the window, and I stare at you." It's a song about a peeping Tom, everyone. Artfully done, Matthews. Artfully done.

"Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer (1998)

The prettiest, most innocent little song about young, rural love? Or a song featuring many thinly-veiled references to cunnilingus?** Study the lyrics and you decide!

[**This unsubstantiated theory brought forth to you by someone I went to college with, who believed wholeheartedly that "Kiss Me" was not as innocuous as it seemed. You will never hear it the same again.]

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Got any secretly creepy '90s songs of your own? Leave them in the comments!

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