A Man and His Bot Wrote a Fake 'Queer Eye' Script—and it is Sublime

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The Fab 5, who shall henceforth be known as (l-r): Builder of Every Structure on Earth, Bride of Grooming, Culture Daddy, Groceries Professor and the CEO of Shirts. (Netflix)

"I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Queer Eye and then asked it to write an episode of Queer Eye of its own," the tweet read.  Despite the fact that it is almost certainly a false claim—there are only 33 episodes and a handful of extras, after all—Keaton Patti's subsequent Queer Eye bot-script has been liked on Twitter almost 100,000 times and even prompted a response from Netflix. Why?

Because it's sublime, that's why.

The joy prompted by this surreal but incredibly accurate nonsense might be even greater than that of Ms. Dooley's students after Jonathan Van Ness cut off her mullet in the first episode of Season 4. Some of these phrases are so magnificent, one can only hope that they one day make it into the permanent Queer Eye lexicon.


Keaton Patti's bot also wrote a script last year for a remarkable and thoroughly existential Olive Garden commercial. That, too, went viral thanks to phrases like: “We see the pasta nachos. They’re warm and defeated,” “Friend 4 smiles wide. Her mouth is full of secret soup,” and “We see the unlimited stick. It is infinite. It is all.”

Patti has written for The New Yorker, Marvel, Comedy Central and The Onion. Someone at Adult Swim should probably give him a full-time job immediately.