Meghan Markle And Prince Harry's Baby Boy Is Here And Breaking Traditions Already

One of the greatest conspiracy theories in the history of the United Kingdom is the one that posits that Queen Elizabeth II is, in fact, a reptilian humanoid. The rumor was best explained by David Icke in his bonkers 1999 book, The Biggest Secret: The Book That Will Change the World. As such, every time a royal gives birth, a whole section of the population expects one of these:

Given the fact that Harry’s mother was Princess Diana (the first definitely human member of the British royal family) and Meghan Markle is an American "commoner," the chances of the 7 pound, 8 ounce baby boy being even vaguely lizardly are the lowest ever, especially since Harry's royal baby announcement was the most human in history.

Flanked by two royal horse friends, Harry said: “It’s been the most amazing experience I could ever possibly imagine. How any woman does what they do is beyond comprehension.”

Harry is the first royal man to ever publicly acknowledge that birth is even a little bit rough on their wives. To give you some idea of how unusual this is, when Prince Charles announced the birth of Harry's big brother, William, it included a kiss from a strange woman, followed by him telling gathered journalists: “It’s rather a shock to my system.” Your system, Charles? YOUR system? No wonder Diana divorced you...

At least Charles showed up though. When William and his wife Kate had their first son, George, in 2013, it was announced outside Buckingham Palace BY A PHOTO FRAME ON A GOLD STAND containing text in far too small a font, that merely said: "The Duchess of Cambridge was safely delivered of a son.” Super personal.

William, Kate and George did roll out of the hospital together later on, but that meant poor Kate had to be up and radiant for the press the morning after giving birth. (By Baby Number 3, she managed to emerge within 7 hours, which is clearly insane.)

Back when Harry's Grandma Liz was only a princess, the British capital was informed of Prince Charles' birth by terrifying birds in two different locations—via cannon blasting at Hyde Park and bell ringing at Westminster Abbey.

It seems like only yesterday we stayed up all night to watch Harry and Meghan's Oprah and Idris-attended wedding. As a couple that has consistently broken with royal tradition, one can't help but hope they name the boy something totally un-royal and American. (Brad? Chad? Tad?) Either way, congratulations, Harry and Meghan! And thanks for definitely not being lizards.