Electric Scooters are Changing the Fabric of Society (Says Twitter)

The urban electric scooter invasion happened seemingly overnight -- an invasion of the body snatchers for our time (only this one really clutters up the sidewalk!). San Francisco hasn't been this divided on a new mode of transport since 2013, when the Google bus protests started in earnest.

The initial response to the two-wheeled menace was visceral. Stories of scooters getting thrown into Oakland's Lake Merritt and smeared with poop in San Francisco spread far and wide. The world can now be divided into two halves: who is pro- and anti-electric scooter.

But dive beneath the surface knee-jerk, and these electric scooters are actually prompting questions about the very fabric of modern society, like...

Can you even be a capitalist anymore if you're not riding one?

Could electric scooters be the ultimate symbol of just how hard it is to make money in a post-tech economy?

Are the scooters a symbol of our 2018 malaise and willingness to settle?

Is electric scooting a feminist issue?

Is access to technology changing the fabric of society by making the uncool cool?

Could electric scooters help fix climate change?

Can they reverse aging itself?

Or will they just make us all unrepentantly terrible humans?

In 1986, the Beastie Boys told us to fight for our right to party. Three decades later, should we be fighting for our right to party... and scoot?

At this point, the only thing we know for sure is that electric scooters appear to be here to stay. In addition to Bird, Lime, and Spin, news broke this week that Lyft is trying to get in on the action, having just applied for a permit.

God help pedestrians, one and all.