Knives Nguyen: A Tricky Intersection

As a second generation Asian American, it was much easier for Knives Nguyen to come out to their friends at school than to their mom.

“Do you know what a bisexual person is?” With a racing heart and a lump in my throat, I told her, “That’s who I am.”

I came out to my mom in middle school. Even though she immigrated here from Vietnam as a teenager and speaks perfect English, I wasn’t sure if she had ever heard of the term “bisexual” before.

Like my sexuality, my life has always felt split in two. Who I get to be when I’m at school, and who I am when I’m at home. In high school, I was openly queer and supported our small but mighty gay community.

But at home, my exploration of androgyny was met with hostility from my father, and disappointment from my mother. One especially tense day, my father told me I needed to change how I looked or else he would throw out all of my clothes and replace them with skirts and dresses. A female gender was a performance I had to keep up at home. And I was failing.

Hair was another source of conflict in my family. I’ve always preferred a shorter hairstyle. But my mom always hesitated taking me to the salon. My short hair was ugly to them. As I grew older and less dependent on my parents, hiding my new haircuts became a necessity. I struggled to reconcile my identity with their expectations.

I understand their harshness, influenced by Vietnamese cultural norms where LGBT topics are taboo. In a way, their concern was an attempt to protect me. When you live in a society that preaches anti-gay rhetoric, you too will find yourself speaking the same language.

Many queer Asian Americans face similar struggles, navigating often queerphobic cultural expectations and personal identities. Yet, we are still our immigrant parents’ wildest dreams. We are capable of greatness regardless of who we love or how we express ourselves.

With a Perspective, I’m Knives Nguyen.

Knives Nguyen is 18 years old and a student at UC Berkeley. Their Perspective was produced by YR Media.