Jolie Kanat: The Magic Gift

Jolie Kanat has these words of wisdom for the parents out there.

Parenting remains the untamed wild west of imperfection, notwithstanding specialists, experts and mommy bloggers who are convinced it can be mapped into predictable outcomes. But there is one perfect gift a parent can offer a child.
I learned this from my father.

“With your left hand, press the strings in the A configuration,” he instructed my awkward twelve-year-old self. “Then,” he continued, “with your right hand, alternate the sixth string and fifth string with your thumb ,just once each, then pluck the bottom three strings together once each time, too.” As I attempted this confounding tap-your-head-and-rub-your-tummy type of mental puzzle, he explained, “This is for Skip to My Lou.”

With painstaking patience and unerring faith in my ability to eventually master the impossible, my father taught me how to play many chords on that truculent no-name nylon string guitar purchased in Mexico for 100 pesos.

Over the last sixty years, I graduated to fingerpicking a steel string Gibson and a tenor Martin. And when I ask the manicurist to keep my right-hand nails long and cut the left-hand nails to the nub, she gives me a quizzical look.

“I play an instrument,” I explain. I pantomime plucking the strings and holding the chord.

My father left this world earlier this year, and every time I look at my lopsided fingernails or fingerpick a folk, country, or Bluegrass tune, I feel thankful, I feel real. His gift is indelible.

When you teach a child, when you share your skill or ability with them, you weave your heart into theirs. You form them.

Some of the guaranteed imperfections that are parenting, can be transformed into dandelion puffs with these small acts. I know this because my father’s heart is in every note I play. And any imperfection he may have had has faded forever.

With a Perspective, I’m Jolie Kanat.

Jolie Kanat is executive director of a supported living services agency in Marin.