Larry Lee and his family are preparing to celebrate the Lunar New Year, but this year someone and something will be missing.
As we approach the Chinese Lunar New Year, the year of the rabbit, there is a distinct difference this year for my family. My father passed away in March last year. It seems strange, to experience the first of any holiday without a loved one, to go into my year end routine of cleaning house and of putting things in order to have the emotionally lingering feeling of loss. Customarily, it’s best for one to enter a new year with as much balance and harmony as possible. However, dealing with loss doesn’t quite fit into these plans as neatly. I imagine when my family gathers that we may not mention dad’s absence, but it will certainly be felt.
I feel very grateful during this time of experiencing loss, that I can feel his presence so poignantly in Chinatown, since the neighborhood was such an integral part of his life. Every time I walk on Jackson Street, I can still see him standing at the counter in his store. On Grant Avenue, as I pass the Lee Family Association building, which was his home away from home, I can see Dad socializing with his friends where he would be planning the new years banquets, lion dances and celebrations.
This time of year, when Chinatown is bustling with frenzied activity as every family prepares to celebrate by gathering all of the items and food representing harmony and prosperity, such as tangerines, pomelos, and red envelopes of lucky money for the new year. I will experience both a sense of loss and feel Dad’s presence at the same time. When we have the ritual of the closing and opening the year dinners, I will be keenly aware of Dad not sitting at the table with us but, I know he is still here with us in our memories and heart.
I know above all else, for most families, regardless of all of the rituals and festivities of preparing for the new year, celebrating family togetherness is primary. I am grateful that we can enjoy the fruit of his labor. For me, gratitude has always been the salve for emotional pain and sadness and I choose to bring that spirit into the new year.