'A Little Broken' - First Responders Grapple With Unseen Scars of the 2017 Fire Siege
Ukiah High School Students Mourn the Death of Kressa Shepherd and Celebrate Homecoming in the Same Week
Touch Football and a Middle School Crush: After the Fire, 8th-Graders Remember Classmate Kai Shepherd
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In 2018, she co-founded the California Reporting Project, a coalition of newsrooms across the state focused on obtaining previously sealed internal affairs records from law enforcement. In addition to her reporting on police accountability, Sukey has investigated the bail bonds industry, California's wildfires and the high cost of prison phone calls. Sukey earned a master's degree in journalism from the University of California at Berkeley. Send news tips to slewis@kqed.org.","avatar":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/03fd6b21024f99d8b0a1966654586de7?s=600&d=blank&r=g","twitter":"SukeyLewis","facebook":null,"instagram":null,"linkedin":null,"sites":[{"site":"news","roles":["author","edit_others_posts"]}],"headData":{"title":"Sukey Lewis | KQED","description":"KQED Contributor","ogImgSrc":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/03fd6b21024f99d8b0a1966654586de7?s=600&d=blank&r=g","twImgSrc":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/03fd6b21024f99d8b0a1966654586de7?s=600&d=blank&r=g"},"isLoading":false,"link":"/author/slewis"}},"breakingNewsReducer":{},"campaignFinanceReducer":{},"firebase":{"requesting":{},"requested":{},"timestamps":{},"data":{},"ordered":{},"auth":{"isLoaded":false,"isEmpty":true},"authError":null,"profile":{"isLoaded":false,"isEmpty":true},"listeners":{"byId":{},"allIds":[]},"isInitializing":false,"errors":[]},"navBarReducer":{"navBarId":"news","fullView":true,"showPlayer":false},"navMenuReducer":{"menus":[{"key":"menu1","items":[{"name":"News","link":"/","type":"title"},{"name":"Politics","link":"/politics"},{"name":"Science","link":"/science"},{"name":"Education","link":"/educationnews"},{"name":"Housing","link":"/housing"},{"name":"Immigration","link":"/immigration"},{"name":"Criminal Justice","link":"/criminaljustice"},{"name":"Silicon Valley","link":"/siliconvalley"},{"name":"Forum","link":"/forum"},{"name":"The California Report","link":"/californiareport"}]},{"key":"menu2","items":[{"name":"Arts & Culture","link":"/arts","type":"title"},{"name":"Critics’ Picks","link":"/thedolist"},{"name":"Cultural Commentary","link":"/artscommentary"},{"name":"Food & Drink","link":"/food"},{"name":"Bay Area Hip-Hop","link":"/bayareahiphop"},{"name":"Rebel Girls","link":"/rebelgirls"},{"name":"Arts Video","link":"/artsvideos"}]},{"key":"menu3","items":[{"name":"Podcasts","link":"/podcasts","type":"title"},{"name":"Bay Curious","link":"/podcasts/baycurious"},{"name":"Rightnowish","link":"/podcasts/rightnowish"},{"name":"The Bay","link":"/podcasts/thebay"},{"name":"On Our Watch","link":"/podcasts/onourwatch"},{"name":"Mindshift","link":"/podcasts/mindshift"},{"name":"Consider This","link":"/podcasts/considerthis"},{"name":"Political Breakdown","link":"/podcasts/politicalbreakdown"}]},{"key":"menu4","items":[{"name":"Live Radio","link":"/radio","type":"title"},{"name":"TV","link":"/tv","type":"title"},{"name":"Events","link":"/events","type":"title"},{"name":"For Educators","link":"/education","type":"title"},{"name":"Support KQED","link":"/support","type":"title"},{"name":"About","link":"/about","type":"title"},{"name":"Help Center","link":"https://kqed-helpcenter.kqed.org/s","type":"title"}]}]},"pagesReducer":{},"postsReducer":{"stream_live":{"type":"live","id":"stream_live","audioUrl":"https://streams.kqed.org/kqedradio","title":"Live Stream","excerpt":"Live Stream information currently unavailable.","link":"/radio","featImg":"","label":{"name":"KQED Live","link":"/"}},"stream_kqedNewscast":{"type":"posts","id":"stream_kqedNewscast","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/RDnews/newscast.mp3?_=1","title":"KQED Newscast","featImg":"","label":{"name":"88.5 FM","link":"/"}},"news_11698335":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11698335","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11698335","score":null,"sort":[1539387661000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"a-little-broken-first-responders-grapple-with-unseen-scars-of-the-2017-fire-siege","title":"'A Little Broken' - First Responders Grapple With Unseen Scars of the 2017 Fire Siege","publishDate":1539387661,"format":"image","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>[dropcap]S[/dropcap]hortly after Lucas Boek joined his local fire department, he saw a veteran firefighter walk into firehouse and drop all his gear. “’That’s it, I’m done,’” Boek remembers the man saying. “’I can’t do this anymore.’ And he left.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the years, the incident stuck with him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, Boek is sitting and talking with two other men in a Ukiah high school classroom. Between the three — medic Corey Bender, 44, and firefighters Lucas Boek, 40, and Brendan Turner, 46 — they have nearly 60 years of experience in emergency response. Sixty years of running toward car accidents, gunshots and flames.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But it’s not the physical danger of the work that these guys are talking about today. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s something else, something that until recently has been pretty difficult to discuss openly: their mental health. A \u003ca href=\"http://rudermanfoundation.org/white_papers/police-officers-and-firefighters-are-more-likely-to-die-by-suicide-than-in-line-of-duty/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">2017 study\u003c/a> found that police officers and firefighters are more likely to die by suicide than in the line of duty. Another \u003ca href=\"https://www.phoenix.edu/about_us/media-center/news/uopx-releases-first-responder-mental-health-survey-results.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">survey\u003c/a> done last year by the University of Phoenix found that 85 percent of first responders have symptoms related to mental health issues.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“To a certain extent I agree with what my therapist said, which is that she's never met a first responder that's been working in the field full-time for more than 20 years that isn't a little bit messed up,” Turner says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11698397\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/10/IMG_2982-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Brendan Turner stands by his fire truck behind the Redwood Valley Fire Department in Mendocino.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11698397\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Brendan Turner stands by his fire truck behind the Redwood Valley Fire Department in Mendocino. \u003ccite>(Marisa Lagos/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>As they talk, these guys keep going back to the metaphor of “the bucket” to explain the effect of cumulative stress on their psyches. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each call they respond to adds another rock to that bucket, and when that bucket overflows, the effects can be disastrous.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Bender says he’s personally known veteran paramedics and firefighters who have quit on a dime, have been alienated from their families or have committed suicide after years of service.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And the number one killer in the fire and EMS services is heart attack,” Bender says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The conversation these three guys are having was pretty unthinkable even just a few years ago. But for many of those who responded to the October fire siege, this conversation is not only urgent now — but finally possible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You know every single call was a drop in that bucket, and that bucket for some of us was pretty darn close to full before that happened,” Turner says. “It got kicked over in October for many of us.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Last October\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>On Oct. 8, 2017, Turner was acting fire chief in Redwood Valley, when he got a call around 11:30 p.m. about a fire in the neighboring town of Potter Valley. An hour later, an ember pushed by incredibly high winds ignited another fire that was sweeping down into Redwood Valley.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Firefighters consider a fire moving at 3 mph to be extremely dangerous, Turner says. This fire was moving 18-20 mph.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11698403\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/10/IMG_3013-e1539362096335-800x1200.jpg\" alt=\"Redwood Valley relies on a largely volunteer firefighting department like many rural towns.\" width=\"800\" height=\"1200\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11698403\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Redwood Valley relies on a largely volunteer firefighting department like many rural towns. \u003ccite>(Marisa Lagos/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“You can't outrun that on foot,” Turner says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turner remembers that night like a series of movie trailers in his head — disjointed and in no particular order. It is a blur of trying to rescue people trapped by flames and making split-second life-or-death decisions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I don't know that I'm ever going to have that full movie in my head,” he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It was like nothing Turner had seen before, and it devastated their tiny community of fewer than 2,000 people, burning down more than 500 homes. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turner’s in-laws lost their home. Another volunteer firefighter drove past his own home on fire, to evacuate people from harm’s way. He wasn’t able to confirm until the following morning that his wife made it out alive. Nine people, including two teenagers, died.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For Turner and Boek, this fire was incredibly personal. They had spent time inside the homes that were burning and knew the burn patients they were bandaging and sending to the hospital.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“For me it just really wrecked me, like it really hurt a lot,” Boek said.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>An Injury, Not a Disorder\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Turner says in the months after the fire he became a hermit. He stopped going out in public or shopping at the local supermarket.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My perception was that, you know, people were looking at me different,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But isolation also didn’t help. He would wake up in the night in full fight-or-flight mode, replaying the worst calls of his career. When the wind picked up, his whole body would go taut and his chest would tighten.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"alignright\">\n\u003ch2>Mental Health Resources for First Responders\u003c/h2>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"http://www.managingtheghosts.org/resources/\">‘Managing the Ghosts,’ a Meeting Directory for First Responders\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/managingtheghosts/?ref=br_rs\">A First Responders Facebook Group\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/helping-someone-with-ptsd.htm\">Resources for the Loved Ones of First Responders\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"http://ptsdusa.org/get-help/first-responders/ptsd-assessment-form/\">A PTSD Assessment Form for First Responders\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>Then on Christmas Eve, a friend who’d also been an emergency responder came up to him at a party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"That person approached me and said, ‘I think you need to talk to somebody,'\" Turner remembers. “Without blinking. I said, ‘Yes I think that's a good idea.'\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In therapy Turner was finally able to talk about not just the October firestorm, but his 23 years of being a witness to some of the most extreme and traumatic events human beings experience. It all came tumbling out of him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not surprisingly, Turner was diagnosed with PTSD. But he doesn’t think of it as a disorder, which implies a pre-existing condition. He calls it an injury.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I look at it the same way as if I were to break my ankle on a call,” he says. “I would go to an orthopedic surgeon, right, and get that fixed? I view this the same way.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turner says now he is learning how to treat this injury, through breathing techniques, meditation and by reaching out to other first responders.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Not the Only One\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Earlier this year, Turner reached out to Corey Bender, his old friend from paramedic school, with the idea of putting together a peer group.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m like, ‘I think that’s an amazing idea,'\" Bender says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11698401\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/10/IMG_3363-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"Corey Bender has been a medic for 18 years. He now lives in Redwood Valley.\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11698401\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Corey Bender has been a medic for 18 years. He now lives in Redwood Valley. \u003ccite>(Sukey Lewis/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Completely independently, Bender found he was being approached by more and more people — military veterans, police officers, medics and sheriff’s deputies — all of them speaking about the same thing: PTSD and cumulative stress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The peer group now gets together every few weeks or so, and they just talk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turner remembers a meeting in which he was describing the symptoms he has of chest discomfort — a kind of numbing sensation that travels down his arm.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"pullquote alignright\">'I don’t want my kids to think that I’m hurt or broken, even though maybe I am a little hurt and broken.'\u003ccite>Firefighter Lucas Boek\u003c/cite>\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>“One of the members of that group said, ‘Oh no it starts right here.’” Turner says the man pointed to an area on his chest.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“‘And it feels like crawling under your skin,'” Tuner says. “And I apologized. I said, ‘I'm sorry did I already tell you this?’ He goes, ‘No, I'm telling you what I experience.’ It was almost identical.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The group is made up primarily of people who have been doing this work for decades. They share bad calls, but also talk about their fears, their feelings and their families.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Firefighter Boek says he called up Turner one day because he felt like he was letting down his kids. He was used to being able to handle anything — he kind of felt like Superman. Now he found himself crying in the kitchen for no apparent reason.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I don’t want my kids to think that I’m hurt or broken, even though maybe I am a little hurt and broken,” Boek says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11698400\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/10/IMG_3366-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"Firefighter Lucas Boek says the Redwood Valley Fire hit himself and his community really hard.\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11698400\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Firefighter Lucas Boek says the Redwood Valley Fire hit himself and his community really hard. \u003ccite>(Sukey Lewis/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>But Turner says he has come to see that they’ve been actually letting down their families for years — by pretending that they’re not affected by this work. They can actually help their own kids, he says, and other young people who are just starting out as emergency responders by modeling emotional openness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If there's one positive that I can see from that horrible incident, it's that the shell that was starting to crack — the attitude and really the lack of honesty about emotions in emergency services — it went from having some cracks in it to shattering for a lot of us,” Turner says.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>A New Kind of Emergency Responder\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>A few months ago, Turned stepped down as assistant fire chief in Redwood Valley. He still volunteers, but he has a new job now teaching health occupations to high school kids.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Along with homework assignments and reading, the words “evacuations” and “disaster response” are written on whiteboard in his classroom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Many of his students are considering a career in emergency response. He wants them to go into this work with their eyes wide open.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Recently, Turner’s class did a review of Hurricane Katrina. They spent three days watching footage of the disaster and discussing the health care crisis that occurred in the hurricane’s aftermath.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That’s pretty heavy for some high school kids to watch that,” Turner says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, a counselor for the school came into the classroom and did a presentation on techniques to deal with stress and emotions. Turner said when things would get intense, they would take a break and all practice breathing exercises.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11698407\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/10/RanchFire_AW_105-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A firefighter holds a hand tool ready to build containment around the Ranch Fire. \" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11698407\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A firefighter holds a hand tool ready to build containment around the Ranch Fire. \u003ccite>(Anne Wernikoff/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Turner hopes by sharing his own experiences and teaching these young people the tools to cope with those experiences, he can better equip them to manage their own buckets of rocks, now and in the future.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It doesn't have to end with the firefighter walking in and dropping their gear on the floor and saying you know, ‘Bleep this, I'm done,'\" he says. \"And I think that's really what we want to prevent.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>KQED reporter Marisa Lagos contributed to this report. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"First responders say there’s a silver lining to the trauma: they’re having new conversations about PTSD and mental health following last year's devastating fires.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1539391503,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":53,"wordCount":1815},"headData":{"title":"'A Little Broken' - First Responders Grapple With Unseen Scars of the 2017 Fire Siege | KQED","description":"First responders say there’s a silver lining to the trauma: they’re having new conversations about PTSD and mental health following last year's devastating fires.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"'A Little Broken' - First Responders Grapple With Unseen Scars of the 2017 Fire Siege","datePublished":"2018-10-12T23:41:01.000Z","dateModified":"2018-10-13T00:45:03.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11698335 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11698335","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2018/10/12/a-little-broken-first-responders-grapple-with-unseen-scars-of-the-2017-fire-siege/","disqusTitle":"'A Little Broken' - First Responders Grapple With Unseen Scars of the 2017 Fire Siege","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcrmag/2018/10/LewisFirstResponders.mp3","audioTrackLength":485,"path":"/news/11698335/a-little-broken-first-responders-grapple-with-unseen-scars-of-the-2017-fire-siege","audioDuration":502000,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class=\"utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__dropcapShortcode__dropcap\">S\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>hortly after Lucas Boek joined his local fire department, he saw a veteran firefighter walk into firehouse and drop all his gear. “’That’s it, I’m done,’” Boek remembers the man saying. “’I can’t do this anymore.’ And he left.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the years, the incident stuck with him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, Boek is sitting and talking with two other men in a Ukiah high school classroom. Between the three — medic Corey Bender, 44, and firefighters Lucas Boek, 40, and Brendan Turner, 46 — they have nearly 60 years of experience in emergency response. Sixty years of running toward car accidents, gunshots and flames.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But it’s not the physical danger of the work that these guys are talking about today. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s something else, something that until recently has been pretty difficult to discuss openly: their mental health. A \u003ca href=\"http://rudermanfoundation.org/white_papers/police-officers-and-firefighters-are-more-likely-to-die-by-suicide-than-in-line-of-duty/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">2017 study\u003c/a> found that police officers and firefighters are more likely to die by suicide than in the line of duty. Another \u003ca href=\"https://www.phoenix.edu/about_us/media-center/news/uopx-releases-first-responder-mental-health-survey-results.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">survey\u003c/a> done last year by the University of Phoenix found that 85 percent of first responders have symptoms related to mental health issues.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“To a certain extent I agree with what my therapist said, which is that she's never met a first responder that's been working in the field full-time for more than 20 years that isn't a little bit messed up,” Turner says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11698397\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/10/IMG_2982-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Brendan Turner stands by his fire truck behind the Redwood Valley Fire Department in Mendocino.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11698397\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Brendan Turner stands by his fire truck behind the Redwood Valley Fire Department in Mendocino. \u003ccite>(Marisa Lagos/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>As they talk, these guys keep going back to the metaphor of “the bucket” to explain the effect of cumulative stress on their psyches. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each call they respond to adds another rock to that bucket, and when that bucket overflows, the effects can be disastrous.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Bender says he’s personally known veteran paramedics and firefighters who have quit on a dime, have been alienated from their families or have committed suicide after years of service.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And the number one killer in the fire and EMS services is heart attack,” Bender says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The conversation these three guys are having was pretty unthinkable even just a few years ago. But for many of those who responded to the October fire siege, this conversation is not only urgent now — but finally possible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You know every single call was a drop in that bucket, and that bucket for some of us was pretty darn close to full before that happened,” Turner says. “It got kicked over in October for many of us.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Last October\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>On Oct. 8, 2017, Turner was acting fire chief in Redwood Valley, when he got a call around 11:30 p.m. about a fire in the neighboring town of Potter Valley. An hour later, an ember pushed by incredibly high winds ignited another fire that was sweeping down into Redwood Valley.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Firefighters consider a fire moving at 3 mph to be extremely dangerous, Turner says. This fire was moving 18-20 mph.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11698403\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/10/IMG_3013-e1539362096335-800x1200.jpg\" alt=\"Redwood Valley relies on a largely volunteer firefighting department like many rural towns.\" width=\"800\" height=\"1200\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11698403\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Redwood Valley relies on a largely volunteer firefighting department like many rural towns. \u003ccite>(Marisa Lagos/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“You can't outrun that on foot,” Turner says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turner remembers that night like a series of movie trailers in his head — disjointed and in no particular order. It is a blur of trying to rescue people trapped by flames and making split-second life-or-death decisions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I don't know that I'm ever going to have that full movie in my head,” he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It was like nothing Turner had seen before, and it devastated their tiny community of fewer than 2,000 people, burning down more than 500 homes. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turner’s in-laws lost their home. Another volunteer firefighter drove past his own home on fire, to evacuate people from harm’s way. He wasn’t able to confirm until the following morning that his wife made it out alive. Nine people, including two teenagers, died.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For Turner and Boek, this fire was incredibly personal. They had spent time inside the homes that were burning and knew the burn patients they were bandaging and sending to the hospital.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“For me it just really wrecked me, like it really hurt a lot,” Boek said.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>An Injury, Not a Disorder\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Turner says in the months after the fire he became a hermit. He stopped going out in public or shopping at the local supermarket.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My perception was that, you know, people were looking at me different,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But isolation also didn’t help. He would wake up in the night in full fight-or-flight mode, replaying the worst calls of his career. When the wind picked up, his whole body would go taut and his chest would tighten.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"alignright\">\n\u003ch2>Mental Health Resources for First Responders\u003c/h2>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"http://www.managingtheghosts.org/resources/\">‘Managing the Ghosts,’ a Meeting Directory for First Responders\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/managingtheghosts/?ref=br_rs\">A First Responders Facebook Group\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/helping-someone-with-ptsd.htm\">Resources for the Loved Ones of First Responders\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003ca href=\"http://ptsdusa.org/get-help/first-responders/ptsd-assessment-form/\">A PTSD Assessment Form for First Responders\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>Then on Christmas Eve, a friend who’d also been an emergency responder came up to him at a party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"That person approached me and said, ‘I think you need to talk to somebody,'\" Turner remembers. “Without blinking. I said, ‘Yes I think that's a good idea.'\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In therapy Turner was finally able to talk about not just the October firestorm, but his 23 years of being a witness to some of the most extreme and traumatic events human beings experience. It all came tumbling out of him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not surprisingly, Turner was diagnosed with PTSD. But he doesn’t think of it as a disorder, which implies a pre-existing condition. He calls it an injury.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I look at it the same way as if I were to break my ankle on a call,” he says. “I would go to an orthopedic surgeon, right, and get that fixed? I view this the same way.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turner says now he is learning how to treat this injury, through breathing techniques, meditation and by reaching out to other first responders.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Not the Only One\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Earlier this year, Turner reached out to Corey Bender, his old friend from paramedic school, with the idea of putting together a peer group.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m like, ‘I think that’s an amazing idea,'\" Bender says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11698401\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/10/IMG_3363-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"Corey Bender has been a medic for 18 years. He now lives in Redwood Valley.\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11698401\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Corey Bender has been a medic for 18 years. He now lives in Redwood Valley. \u003ccite>(Sukey Lewis/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Completely independently, Bender found he was being approached by more and more people — military veterans, police officers, medics and sheriff’s deputies — all of them speaking about the same thing: PTSD and cumulative stress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The peer group now gets together every few weeks or so, and they just talk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turner remembers a meeting in which he was describing the symptoms he has of chest discomfort — a kind of numbing sensation that travels down his arm.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"pullquote alignright\">'I don’t want my kids to think that I’m hurt or broken, even though maybe I am a little hurt and broken.'\u003ccite>Firefighter Lucas Boek\u003c/cite>\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>“One of the members of that group said, ‘Oh no it starts right here.’” Turner says the man pointed to an area on his chest.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“‘And it feels like crawling under your skin,'” Tuner says. “And I apologized. I said, ‘I'm sorry did I already tell you this?’ He goes, ‘No, I'm telling you what I experience.’ It was almost identical.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The group is made up primarily of people who have been doing this work for decades. They share bad calls, but also talk about their fears, their feelings and their families.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Firefighter Boek says he called up Turner one day because he felt like he was letting down his kids. He was used to being able to handle anything — he kind of felt like Superman. Now he found himself crying in the kitchen for no apparent reason.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I don’t want my kids to think that I’m hurt or broken, even though maybe I am a little hurt and broken,” Boek says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11698400\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/10/IMG_3366-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"Firefighter Lucas Boek says the Redwood Valley Fire hit himself and his community really hard.\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11698400\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Firefighter Lucas Boek says the Redwood Valley Fire hit himself and his community really hard. \u003ccite>(Sukey Lewis/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>But Turner says he has come to see that they’ve been actually letting down their families for years — by pretending that they’re not affected by this work. They can actually help their own kids, he says, and other young people who are just starting out as emergency responders by modeling emotional openness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If there's one positive that I can see from that horrible incident, it's that the shell that was starting to crack — the attitude and really the lack of honesty about emotions in emergency services — it went from having some cracks in it to shattering for a lot of us,” Turner says.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>A New Kind of Emergency Responder\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>A few months ago, Turned stepped down as assistant fire chief in Redwood Valley. He still volunteers, but he has a new job now teaching health occupations to high school kids.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Along with homework assignments and reading, the words “evacuations” and “disaster response” are written on whiteboard in his classroom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Many of his students are considering a career in emergency response. He wants them to go into this work with their eyes wide open.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Recently, Turner’s class did a review of Hurricane Katrina. They spent three days watching footage of the disaster and discussing the health care crisis that occurred in the hurricane’s aftermath.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That’s pretty heavy for some high school kids to watch that,” Turner says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, a counselor for the school came into the classroom and did a presentation on techniques to deal with stress and emotions. Turner said when things would get intense, they would take a break and all practice breathing exercises.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11698407\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/10/RanchFire_AW_105-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A firefighter holds a hand tool ready to build containment around the Ranch Fire. \" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-11698407\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A firefighter holds a hand tool ready to build containment around the Ranch Fire. \u003ccite>(Anne Wernikoff/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Turner hopes by sharing his own experiences and teaching these young people the tools to cope with those experiences, he can better equip them to manage their own buckets of rocks, now and in the future.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It doesn't have to end with the firefighter walking in and dropping their gear on the floor and saying you know, ‘Bleep this, I'm done,'\" he says. \"And I think that's really what we want to prevent.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>KQED reporter Marisa Lagos contributed to this report. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11698335/a-little-broken-first-responders-grapple-with-unseen-scars-of-the-2017-fire-siege","authors":["8676"],"programs":["news_72"],"categories":["news_19906","news_457","news_8"],"tags":["news_6383","news_19542","news_18512","news_2109","news_21773","news_2139","news_21939","news_17041","news_20782","news_2138","news_4463"],"featImg":"news_11698526","label":"news_72"},"news_11629949":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11629949","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11629949","score":null,"sort":[1510315230000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"ukiah-high-school-students-mourn-the-death-of-kressa-shepherd-and-celebrate-homecoming-in-the-same-week","title":"Ukiah High School Students Mourn the Death of Kressa Shepherd and Celebrate Homecoming in the Same Week","publishDate":1510315230,"format":"standard","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>Homecoming is not a day at Ukiah High School; it's a week-long series of events. After the Northern California wildfires tore through Redwood Valley, the school district postponed the football game and festivities to give the town some time to recover.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Three weeks later, the night before the rescheduled events were about to start, high school junior, Kressa Shepherd, died in the hospital. She was 17.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The mood is definitely complicated and complex,” said Gordon Oslund, the school principal, as he watched students milling in the courtyard. “It’s people trying to figure out, how do you deal with a community tragedy and then carry on and have a community celebration all at the same time?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kressa and her parents were found in the road near their home the night of the fire and flown to hospitals for treatment of severe burns. Kressa’s \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2017/11/09/touch-football-and-a-middle-school-crush-after-the-fire-8th-graders-remember-classmate-kai-shepherd/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">younger brother, Kai,\u003c/a> 14, died that night, Oct. 9, before help arrived. Both of Kressa’s legs were amputated in the hospital, and she suffered cardiac arrest and multiple infections before she also died.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the morning of the big football game, Nov. 3, students packed the bleachers in the gym for a homecoming rally, one of several held throughout the week. The juniors wore all shades of pink, their class color. Hanging on the wall above them, gold balloons shimmered in the fluorescent light, spelling out K-R-E-S-S-A and K-A-I.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629957\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629957\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-960x720.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-240x180.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-375x281.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-520x390.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Juniors cheer at a homecoming rally at Ukiah High School. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>For some of Kressa’s friends, the ones who made it to school that week, the whole scene was just weird.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was just like, ‘Wow, like how can you be happy right now?’” said Sasha Wilkins, a sophomore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The class period right before, she had been to a grief circle for Kressa’s friends and classmates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was weird being in a group of everyone having such strong emotions, of being sad and down. And then going to another group of people who's so excited and so happy,” Wilkins said. “But then I realized not everyone's thinking about that all the time, but that's OK.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before Ukiah high, Kressa went to a Waldorf school. From fourth grade through eighth, she was in the same class with the same teacher and the same 23 kids. The high school counselors gathered them, and the class of sophomores below hers, to talk and share memories of Kressa.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wilkins remembered feeling intimidated last year about becoming a sophomore. She was confiding in her friends about it when Kressa walked by.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She overheard that and came up to me later and we just sat down and talked about it, and she comforted me,” she said. “She was like, ‘Yeah I was really nervous, as well, but it's going to be OK and it's not as hard as you think it is.’ It was a wonderful moment.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629958\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629958\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Voltaire-person-of-the-year-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kressa turned in this homework assignment to her history teacher last year. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Kressa’s teachers embodied the mixed emotions of the week. Some cried openly in front of their classrooms, then dressed up days later in purple and gold for homecoming. Across the board, they remember Kressa as a star student who kept a 4.0 GPA.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She’s the rock in the classroom,” said Meagan Davis, her English teacher. “To have at least one student in the class be there for you. You look up and you see them fully enveloped in what you're teaching – she was that student in my class.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A peacemaker, is how Liz Johnson, Kressa's U.S. history teacher, described her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She had a lot of compassion for multiple points of view,” Johnson said. “She had a deeper understanding of the world around her.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629959\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629959\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Kressa-drawing-e1510283804287-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kressa was working on a series of illustrations when she died. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Gordon Oslund)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>And she was a natural born artist, according to her art teacher, Rose Easterbrook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She wanted to be an illustrator someday, and she truly could have done that,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kressa had been working on a series of drawings of a young girl with blond hair frolicking in a meadow. She carried them everywhere with her. For her photography class, she took a similar picture of her cousin picking flowers, and photo shopped fairy wings into it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629960\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629960\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Kressa-cousin-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kressa took this picture of her cousin for her photography class in high school. \u003ccite>(Kressa Shepherd)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“That was her: innocent and sincere,” said Lech Slocinski, her photography teacher, as he hung a collection of Kressa’s black and white prints in the school lobby. “There was nothing fake about her. Everything was just real. And kind. And it shows in her pictures.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Her work often portrayed a calm world, he said, removed from madness and conflict.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And that was the kind of scene the school tried to recreate in her memory the night of the homecoming game.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“This evening, we pay tribute to the lives of Ukiah high school junior, Kressa Shepherd, and her brother, Kai Logan Shepherd,” principal Gordon Oslund said to the crowd, asking them to join him in a moment of silence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before the marching band came on, before the football players took the field, and before screaming erupted in the stands, more than a thousand people stood up and went completely quiet.\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Homecoming is a big deal in this Friday Night Lights town. This year, it was complicated by the wildfires.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1510354123,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":26,"wordCount":937},"headData":{"title":"Ukiah High School Students Mourn the Death of Kressa Shepherd and Celebrate Homecoming in the Same Week | KQED","description":"Homecoming is a big deal in this Friday Night Lights town. This year, it was complicated by the wildfires.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"Ukiah High School Students Mourn the Death of Kressa Shepherd and Celebrate Homecoming in the Same Week","datePublished":"2017-11-10T12:00:30.000Z","dateModified":"2017-11-10T22:48:43.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11629949 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11629949","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2017/11/10/ukiah-high-school-students-mourn-the-death-of-kressa-shepherd-and-celebrate-homecoming-in-the-same-week/","disqusTitle":"Ukiah High School Students Mourn the Death of Kressa Shepherd and Celebrate Homecoming in the Same Week","path":"/news/11629949/ukiah-high-school-students-mourn-the-death-of-kressa-shepherd-and-celebrate-homecoming-in-the-same-week","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Homecoming is not a day at Ukiah High School; it's a week-long series of events. After the Northern California wildfires tore through Redwood Valley, the school district postponed the football game and festivities to give the town some time to recover.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Three weeks later, the night before the rescheduled events were about to start, high school junior, Kressa Shepherd, died in the hospital. She was 17.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The mood is definitely complicated and complex,” said Gordon Oslund, the school principal, as he watched students milling in the courtyard. “It’s people trying to figure out, how do you deal with a community tragedy and then carry on and have a community celebration all at the same time?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kressa and her parents were found in the road near their home the night of the fire and flown to hospitals for treatment of severe burns. Kressa’s \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2017/11/09/touch-football-and-a-middle-school-crush-after-the-fire-8th-graders-remember-classmate-kai-shepherd/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">younger brother, Kai,\u003c/a> 14, died that night, Oct. 9, before help arrived. Both of Kressa’s legs were amputated in the hospital, and she suffered cardiac arrest and multiple infections before she also died.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the morning of the big football game, Nov. 3, students packed the bleachers in the gym for a homecoming rally, one of several held throughout the week. The juniors wore all shades of pink, their class color. Hanging on the wall above them, gold balloons shimmered in the fluorescent light, spelling out K-R-E-S-S-A and K-A-I.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629957\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629957\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-960x720.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-240x180.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-375x281.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Ukiah-Homecoming-Rally-e1510283499991-520x390.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Juniors cheer at a homecoming rally at Ukiah High School. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>For some of Kressa’s friends, the ones who made it to school that week, the whole scene was just weird.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was just like, ‘Wow, like how can you be happy right now?’” said Sasha Wilkins, a sophomore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The class period right before, she had been to a grief circle for Kressa’s friends and classmates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was weird being in a group of everyone having such strong emotions, of being sad and down. And then going to another group of people who's so excited and so happy,” Wilkins said. “But then I realized not everyone's thinking about that all the time, but that's OK.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before Ukiah high, Kressa went to a Waldorf school. From fourth grade through eighth, she was in the same class with the same teacher and the same 23 kids. The high school counselors gathered them, and the class of sophomores below hers, to talk and share memories of Kressa.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wilkins remembered feeling intimidated last year about becoming a sophomore. She was confiding in her friends about it when Kressa walked by.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She overheard that and came up to me later and we just sat down and talked about it, and she comforted me,” she said. “She was like, ‘Yeah I was really nervous, as well, but it's going to be OK and it's not as hard as you think it is.’ It was a wonderful moment.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629958\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629958\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Voltaire-person-of-the-year-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kressa turned in this homework assignment to her history teacher last year. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Kressa’s teachers embodied the mixed emotions of the week. Some cried openly in front of their classrooms, then dressed up days later in purple and gold for homecoming. Across the board, they remember Kressa as a star student who kept a 4.0 GPA.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She’s the rock in the classroom,” said Meagan Davis, her English teacher. “To have at least one student in the class be there for you. You look up and you see them fully enveloped in what you're teaching – she was that student in my class.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A peacemaker, is how Liz Johnson, Kressa's U.S. history teacher, described her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She had a lot of compassion for multiple points of view,” Johnson said. “She had a deeper understanding of the world around her.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629959\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629959\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Kressa-drawing-e1510283804287-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kressa was working on a series of illustrations when she died. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Gordon Oslund)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>And she was a natural born artist, according to her art teacher, Rose Easterbrook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“She wanted to be an illustrator someday, and she truly could have done that,” she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kressa had been working on a series of drawings of a young girl with blond hair frolicking in a meadow. She carried them everywhere with her. For her photography class, she took a similar picture of her cousin picking flowers, and photo shopped fairy wings into it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629960\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629960\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Kressa-cousin-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kressa took this picture of her cousin for her photography class in high school. \u003ccite>(Kressa Shepherd)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“That was her: innocent and sincere,” said Lech Slocinski, her photography teacher, as he hung a collection of Kressa’s black and white prints in the school lobby. “There was nothing fake about her. Everything was just real. And kind. And it shows in her pictures.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Her work often portrayed a calm world, he said, removed from madness and conflict.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And that was the kind of scene the school tried to recreate in her memory the night of the homecoming game.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“This evening, we pay tribute to the lives of Ukiah high school junior, Kressa Shepherd, and her brother, Kai Logan Shepherd,” principal Gordon Oslund said to the crowd, asking them to join him in a moment of silence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before the marching band came on, before the football players took the field, and before screaming erupted in the stands, more than a thousand people stood up and went completely quiet.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11629949/ukiah-high-school-students-mourn-the-death-of-kressa-shepherd-and-celebrate-homecoming-in-the-same-week","authors":["3205"],"programs":["news_72"],"categories":["news_8"],"tags":["news_2231","news_17996","news_21939","news_4463"],"featImg":"news_11629956","label":"news_72"},"news_11629198":{"type":"posts","id":"news_11629198","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"news","id":"11629198","score":null,"sort":[1510246737000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"touch-football-and-a-middle-school-crush-after-the-fire-8th-graders-remember-classmate-kai-shepherd","title":"Touch Football and a Middle School Crush: After the Fire, 8th-Graders Remember Classmate Kai Shepherd","publishDate":1510246737,"format":"standard","headTitle":"The California Report | KQED News","labelTerm":{"term":72,"site":"news"},"content":"\u003cp>It’s wear-your-pajamas-to-school day at Eagle Peak Middle School in Redwood Valley, as principal Dan Stearns shuffles down the hall in his slippers and plaid bathrobe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Eagle Peak's Spirit Week, which features a different dress-up theme every day, was delayed by three weeks after wildfires devastated neighborhoods in this Mendocino County community and killed nine people, including 14-year-old Kai Logan Shepherd.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Some people have described him as shy, but that was not my perspective,\" Stearns says. \"I saw him constantly running from group to group, interacting, laughing, joking around.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[audio src=\"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcr/2017/11/KaiSheperdDembosky171109.mp3\" Image=\"https://u.s.kqed.net/2017/11/09/KaiBaseball.jpg\" Title=\"After the Fire, 8th Graders Remember Classmate Kai Shepherd\" program=\"The California Report\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stearns stops at a classroom on the second floor where a group of eighth-grade students is hunched over their laptops, scrolling through photos of Kai: Kai at the beach, Kai playing baseball, Kai goofing around with his friends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>School was closed for a week after the fire, but the first day back, students asked their digital media teacher if they could make a dedication page for Kai in the yearbook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They've been working nonstop on it since then,\" says Elizabeth DeVinny, who taught Kai in her honors English class last year. \"They've been gathering photos and even asking if they could have extra space, because they have so much that their classmates want to say and their teachers want to say.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629210\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629210\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3030-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Janeane Higdon (left) and Joshua Harding work on the yearbook dedication page for Kai. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Kai loved sports. One of his best friends, Brenton Wheeler, took a video of Kai competing in a wrestling match last year.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"After he was done wrestling ... he kinda ... he smiled. Even though he lost, he smiled, and, kept his chin up,\" Brenton remembers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Winning or losing, he always walked off the mat with a smile, says Shane Stearns, another of Kai's friends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The three boys played touch football every morning on the blacktop at school, he says. Kai was the quarterback.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"He would get frustrated easily, but ...,\" Brenton says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"He'd always be laughing when he was arguing, though,\" Shane finishes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629205\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629205\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Brenton-and-Shane-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Shane Stearns, foreground, and Brenton Wheeler, friends of Kai's, edit photos of Kai they plan to use in the yearbook. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Kai had other dimensions, and Janeane Higdon, 13, wants to show the side of him that she knew in the yearbook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"On the outside, I know he was very athletic. But on Instagram, he’d just act like a totally different person. He would talk about nerd stuff like Magic and video games,\" she says. \"Deep down inside, I think he was a nerd.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For their celebration of Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, students put together an altar for Kai. It has a baseball and football on it. And a box of Kai's favorite cereal: Golden Grahams. Janeane draped a special necklace over the box.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629206\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629206\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-960x720.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-240x180.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-375x281.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-520x390.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Students at Eagle Peak Middle School built an altar in Kai's memory for Day of the Dead. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\"We had matching shark-tooth necklaces from Six Flags,\" she says, the kind that are sold in pairs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Janeane kept one, and gave the other one to Kai.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I had a crush on Kai last year,\" she says. \"So I brought him back a necklace. And he wore it, I think, twice. And then he put it on his shelf, I’m pretty sure he told me. So I had one of his best friends deliver it to him, 'cause I was kind of scared to.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They started messaging over Instagram. Janeane wrote poems about him in her honors English class, including an ode to Kai’s blue eyes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Because your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\nthey make me get butterflies.\u003cbr>\nBecause your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\naround you they make me feel shy.\u003cbr>\nBecause your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\nthey make me feel high.\u003cbr>\nBecause your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\nthey make me love the plain dull sky\u003cbr>\nBecause your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\nthoughts of you preoccupy my mind\u003cbr>\nBecause your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\nthey’re prettier than a dragon’s eye….\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629207\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629207\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-960x720.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-240x180.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-375x281.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-520x390.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Janeane Higdon looks at a selfie she took during Spirit Week last year. She is in the front with red hair. Kai is in the back row on the left. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Janeane gave a couple of her poems to Kai, and he told her he liked them because they reminded him of rap music. She was never really sure, though, what Kai thought about her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But Brenton and Shane did.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I remember Kai kinda liked Janeane, too, at one point,\" Shane says. \"I remember him talking about that.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Kai would say, 'It's kinda nice knowing that Janeane likes me,' \" Brenton says. \"And how he kinda liked her back.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Janeane didn’t know this.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It kinda makes me sad now. Because we could have gotten closer,\" she says. \"And now that he's dead, I know that we won't be able to replay that.\"\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Classmates of the 14-year old boy who died in the Redwood Valley fire plan to memorialize him in the school yearbook.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1510274385,"stats":{"hasAudio":true,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":28,"wordCount":891},"headData":{"title":"Touch Football and a Middle School Crush: After the Fire, 8th-Graders Remember Classmate Kai Shepherd | KQED","description":"Classmates of the 14-year old boy who died in the Redwood Valley fire plan to memorialize him in the school yearbook.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"Touch Football and a Middle School Crush: After the Fire, 8th-Graders Remember Classmate Kai Shepherd","datePublished":"2017-11-09T16:58:57.000Z","dateModified":"2017-11-10T00:39:45.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png","isAccessibleForFree":"Y","publisher":{"@type":"NewsMediaOrganization","@id":"https://www.kqed.org/#organization","name":"KQED","url":"https://www.kqed.org","logo":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}}},"disqusIdentifier":"11629198 https://ww2.kqed.org/news/?p=11629198","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/2017/11/09/touch-football-and-a-middle-school-crush-after-the-fire-8th-graders-remember-classmate-kai-shepherd/","disqusTitle":"Touch Football and a Middle School Crush: After the Fire, 8th-Graders Remember Classmate Kai Shepherd","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcr/2017/11/KaiSheperdDembosky171109.mp3","path":"/news/11629198/touch-football-and-a-middle-school-crush-after-the-fire-8th-graders-remember-classmate-kai-shepherd","audioDuration":242000,"audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It’s wear-your-pajamas-to-school day at Eagle Peak Middle School in Redwood Valley, as principal Dan Stearns shuffles down the hall in his slippers and plaid bathrobe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Eagle Peak's Spirit Week, which features a different dress-up theme every day, was delayed by three weeks after wildfires devastated neighborhoods in this Mendocino County community and killed nine people, including 14-year-old Kai Logan Shepherd.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Some people have described him as shy, but that was not my perspective,\" Stearns says. \"I saw him constantly running from group to group, interacting, laughing, joking around.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"audio","attributes":{"named":{"src":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcr/2017/11/KaiSheperdDembosky171109.mp3","image":"https://u.s.kqed.net/2017/11/09/KaiBaseball.jpg","title":"After the Fire, 8th Graders Remember Classmate Kai Shepherd","program":"The California Report","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stearns stops at a classroom on the second floor where a group of eighth-grade students is hunched over their laptops, scrolling through photos of Kai: Kai at the beach, Kai playing baseball, Kai goofing around with his friends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>School was closed for a week after the fire, but the first day back, students asked their digital media teacher if they could make a dedication page for Kai in the yearbook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They've been working nonstop on it since then,\" says Elizabeth DeVinny, who taught Kai in her honors English class last year. \"They've been gathering photos and even asking if they could have extra space, because they have so much that their classmates want to say and their teachers want to say.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629210\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629210\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3030-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Janeane Higdon (left) and Joshua Harding work on the yearbook dedication page for Kai. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Kai loved sports. One of his best friends, Brenton Wheeler, took a video of Kai competing in a wrestling match last year.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"After he was done wrestling ... he kinda ... he smiled. Even though he lost, he smiled, and, kept his chin up,\" Brenton remembers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Winning or losing, he always walked off the mat with a smile, says Shane Stearns, another of Kai's friends.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The three boys played touch football every morning on the blacktop at school, he says. Kai was the quarterback.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"He would get frustrated easily, but ...,\" Brenton says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"He'd always be laughing when he was arguing, though,\" Shane finishes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629205\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629205\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/Brenton-and-Shane-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Shane Stearns, foreground, and Brenton Wheeler, friends of Kai's, edit photos of Kai they plan to use in the yearbook. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Kai had other dimensions, and Janeane Higdon, 13, wants to show the side of him that she knew in the yearbook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"On the outside, I know he was very athletic. But on Instagram, he’d just act like a totally different person. He would talk about nerd stuff like Magic and video games,\" she says. \"Deep down inside, I think he was a nerd.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For their celebration of Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, students put together an altar for Kai. It has a baseball and football on it. And a box of Kai's favorite cereal: Golden Grahams. Janeane draped a special necklace over the box.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629206\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629206\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-960x720.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-240x180.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-375x281.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3051-1-520x390.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Students at Eagle Peak Middle School built an altar in Kai's memory for Day of the Dead. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\"We had matching shark-tooth necklaces from Six Flags,\" she says, the kind that are sold in pairs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Janeane kept one, and gave the other one to Kai.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I had a crush on Kai last year,\" she says. \"So I brought him back a necklace. And he wore it, I think, twice. And then he put it on his shelf, I’m pretty sure he told me. So I had one of his best friends deliver it to him, 'cause I was kind of scared to.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They started messaging over Instagram. Janeane wrote poems about him in her honors English class, including an ode to Kai’s blue eyes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Because your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\nthey make me get butterflies.\u003cbr>\nBecause your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\naround you they make me feel shy.\u003cbr>\nBecause your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\nthey make me feel high.\u003cbr>\nBecause your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\nthey make me love the plain dull sky\u003cbr>\nBecause your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\nthoughts of you preoccupy my mind\u003cbr>\nBecause your eyes are as blue as the sky,\u003cbr>\nthey’re prettier than a dragon’s eye….\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11629207\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-11629207\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-960x720.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-240x180.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-375x281.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2017/11/IMG_3041-520x390.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Janeane Higdon looks at a selfie she took during Spirit Week last year. She is in the front with red hair. Kai is in the back row on the left. \u003ccite>(April Dembosky)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Janeane gave a couple of her poems to Kai, and he told her he liked them because they reminded him of rap music. She was never really sure, though, what Kai thought about her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But Brenton and Shane did.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I remember Kai kinda liked Janeane, too, at one point,\" Shane says. \"I remember him talking about that.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Kai would say, 'It's kinda nice knowing that Janeane likes me,' \" Brenton says. \"And how he kinda liked her back.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Janeane didn’t know this.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It kinda makes me sad now. Because we could have gotten closer,\" she says. \"And now that he's dead, I know that we won't be able to replay that.\"\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/news/11629198/touch-football-and-a-middle-school-crush-after-the-fire-8th-graders-remember-classmate-kai-shepherd","authors":["3205"],"programs":["news_6944","news_72"],"categories":["news_8"],"tags":["news_21773","news_21939","news_17286","news_17041"],"featImg":"news_11629618","label":"news_72"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.","airtime":"SUN 2pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Possible-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.possible.fm/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Possible"},"link":"/radio/program/possible","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/possible/id1677184070","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/730YpdUSNlMyPQwNnyjp4k"}},"1a":{"id":"1a","title":"1A","info":"1A is home to the national conversation. 1A brings on great guests and frames the best debate in ways that make you think, share and engage.","airtime":"MON-THU 11pm-12am","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/1a.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://the1a.org/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/1a","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=1188724250&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/1A-p947376/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510316/podcast.xml"}},"all-things-considered":{"id":"all-things-considered","title":"All Things Considered","info":"Every weekday, \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em> hosts Robert Siegel, Audie Cornish, Ari Shapiro, and Kelly McEvers present the program's trademark mix of news, interviews, commentaries, reviews, and offbeat features. Michel Martin hosts on the weekends.","airtime":"MON-FRI 1pm-2pm, 4:30pm-6:30pm\u003cbr />SAT-SUN 5pm-6pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/All-Things-Considered-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.npr.org/programs/all-things-considered/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/all-things-considered"},"american-suburb-podcast":{"id":"american-suburb-podcast","title":"American Suburb: The Podcast","tagline":"The flip side of gentrification, told through one town","info":"Gentrification is changing cities across America, forcing people from neighborhoods they have long called home. Call them the displaced. Now those priced out of the Bay Area are looking for a better life in an unlikely place. American Suburb follows this migration to one California town along the Delta, 45 miles from San Francisco. But is this once sleepy suburb ready for them?","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/American-Suburb-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"13"},"link":"/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?mt=2&id=1287748328","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/American-Suburb-p1086805/","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkMzMDExODgxNjA5"}},"baycurious":{"id":"baycurious","title":"Bay Curious","tagline":"Exploring the Bay Area, one question at a time","info":"KQED’s new podcast, Bay Curious, gets to the bottom of the mysteries — both profound and peculiar — that give the Bay Area its unique identity. And we’ll do it with your help! You ask the questions. You decide what Bay Curious investigates. And you join us on the journey to find the answers.","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Bay-Curious-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"\"KQED Bay Curious","officialWebsiteLink":"/news/series/baycurious","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"4"},"link":"/podcasts/baycurious","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bay-curious/id1172473406","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/500557090/bay-curious","rss":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/category/bay-curious-podcast/feed/podcast","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93dzIua3FlZC5vcmcvbmV3cy9jYXRlZ29yeS9iYXktY3VyaW91cy1wb2RjYXN0L2ZlZWQvcG9kY2FzdA","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/bay-curious","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/6O76IdmhixfijmhTZLIJ8k"}},"bbc-world-service":{"id":"bbc-world-service","title":"BBC World Service","info":"The day's top stories from BBC News compiled twice daily in the week, once at weekends.","airtime":"MON-FRI 9pm-10pm, TUE-FRI 1am-2am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/BBC-World-Service-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/live:bbc_world_service","meta":{"site":"news","source":"BBC World Service"},"link":"/radio/program/bbc-world-service","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/global-news-podcast/id135067274?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/BBC-World-Service-p455581/","rss":"https://podcasts.files.bbci.co.uk/p02nq0gn.rss"}},"code-switch-life-kit":{"id":"code-switch-life-kit","title":"Code Switch / Life Kit","info":"\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em>, which listeners will hear in the first part of the hour, has fearless and much-needed conversations about race. Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. Because everyone needs a little help being human.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch\">\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/lifekit\">\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />","airtime":"SUN 9pm-10pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Code-Switch-Life-Kit-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","meta":{"site":"radio","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/code-switch-life-kit","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/1112190608?mt=2&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnByLm9yZy9yc3MvcG9kY2FzdC5waHA_aWQ9NTEwMzEy","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/3bExJ9JQpkwNhoHvaIIuyV","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510312/podcast.xml"}},"commonwealth-club":{"id":"commonwealth-club","title":"Commonwealth Club of California Podcast","info":"The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. As a non-partisan forum, The Club brings to the public airwaves diverse viewpoints on important topics. The Club's weekly radio broadcast - the oldest in the U.S., dating back to 1924 - is carried across the nation on public radio stations and is now podcasting. Our website archive features audio of our recent programs, as well as selected speeches from our long and distinguished history. This podcast feed is usually updated twice a week and is always un-edited.","airtime":"THU 10pm, FRI 1am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Commonwealth-Club-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.commonwealthclub.org/podcasts","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Commonwealth Club of California"},"link":"/radio/program/commonwealth-club","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/commonwealth-club-of-california-podcast/id976334034?mt=2","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cDovL3d3dy5jb21tb253ZWFsdGhjbHViLm9yZy9hdWRpby9wb2RjYXN0L3dlZWtseS54bWw","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/Commonwealth-Club-of-California-p1060/"}},"considerthis":{"id":"considerthis","title":"Consider This","tagline":"Make sense of the day","info":"Make sense of the day. Every weekday afternoon, Consider This helps you consider the major stories of the day in less than 15 minutes, featuring the reporting and storytelling resources of NPR. Plus, KQED’s Bianca Taylor brings you the local KQED news you need to know.","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Consider-This-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"Consider This from NPR and KQED","officialWebsiteLink":"/podcasts/considerthis","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"7"},"link":"/podcasts/considerthis","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1503226625?mt=2&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/coronavirusdaily","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5ucHIub3JnLzUxMDM1NS9wb2RjYXN0LnhtbA","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/3Z6JdCS2d0eFEpXHKI6WqH"}},"forum":{"id":"forum","title":"Forum","tagline":"The conversation starts here","info":"KQED’s live call-in program discussing local, state, national and international issues, as well as in-depth interviews.","airtime":"MON-FRI 9am-11am, 10pm-11pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Forum-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"KQED Forum with Mina Kim and Alexis Madrigal","officialWebsiteLink":"/forum","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"8"},"link":"/forum","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kqeds-forum/id73329719","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM5NTU3MzgxNjMz","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/432307980/forum","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqedfm-kqeds-forum-podcast","rss":"https://feeds.megaphone.fm/KQINC9557381633"}},"freakonomics-radio":{"id":"freakonomics-radio","title":"Freakonomics Radio","info":"Freakonomics Radio is a one-hour award-winning podcast and public-radio project hosted by Stephen Dubner, with co-author Steve Levitt as a regular guest. It is produced in partnership with WNYC.","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/05/freakonomicsRadio.png","officialWebsiteLink":"http://freakonomics.com/","airtime":"SUN 1am-2am, SAT 3pm-4pm","meta":{"site":"radio","source":"WNYC"},"link":"/radio/program/freakonomics-radio","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/4s8b","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/freakonomics-radio/id354668519","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/podcasts/WNYC-Podcasts/Freakonomics-Radio-p272293/","rss":"https://feeds.feedburner.com/freakonomicsradio"}},"fresh-air":{"id":"fresh-air","title":"Fresh Air","info":"Hosted by Terry Gross, \u003cem>Fresh Air from WHYY\u003c/em> is the Peabody Award-winning weekday magazine of contemporary arts and issues. One of public radio's most popular programs, Fresh Air features intimate conversations with today's biggest luminaries.","airtime":"MON-FRI 7pm-8pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Fresh-Air-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/","meta":{"site":"radio","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/fresh-air","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/4s8b","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=214089682&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/Fresh-Air-p17/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/381444908/podcast.xml"}},"here-and-now":{"id":"here-and-now","title":"Here & Now","info":"A live production of NPR and WBUR Boston, in collaboration with stations across the country, Here & Now reflects the fluid world of news as it's happening in the middle of the day, with timely, in-depth news, interviews and conversation. Hosted by Robin Young, Jeremy Hobson and Tonya Mosley.","airtime":"MON-THU 11am-12pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Here-And-Now-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"http://www.wbur.org/hereandnow","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/here-and-now","subsdcribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?mt=2&id=426698661","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/Here--Now-p211/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510051/podcast.xml"}},"how-i-built-this":{"id":"how-i-built-this","title":"How I Built This with Guy Raz","info":"Guy Raz dives into the stories behind some of the world's best known companies. How I Built This weaves a narrative journey about innovators, entrepreneurs and idealists—and the movements they built.","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/05/howIBuiltThis.png","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510313/how-i-built-this","airtime":"SUN 7:30pm-8pm","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/how-i-built-this","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/3zxy","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/how-i-built-this-with-guy-raz/id1150510297?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/podcasts/Arts--Culture-Podcasts/How-I-Built-This-p910896/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510313/podcast.xml"}},"inside-europe":{"id":"inside-europe","title":"Inside Europe","info":"Inside Europe, a one-hour weekly news magazine hosted by Helen Seeney and Keith Walker, explores the topical issues shaping the continent. No other part of the globe has experienced such dynamic political and social change in recent years.","airtime":"SAT 3am-4am","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Inside-Europe-Podcast-Tile-300x300-1.jpg","meta":{"site":"news","source":"Deutsche Welle"},"link":"/radio/program/inside-europe","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/inside-europe/id80106806?mt=2","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/Inside-Europe-p731/","rss":"https://partner.dw.com/xml/podcast_inside-europe"}},"latino-usa":{"id":"latino-usa","title":"Latino USA","airtime":"MON 1am-2am, SUN 6pm-7pm","info":"Latino USA, the radio journal of news and culture, is the only national, English-language radio program produced from a Latino perspective.","imageSrc":"https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/latinoUsa.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"http://latinousa.org/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/latino-usa","subscribe":{"npr":"https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/xtTd","apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=79681317&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/Latino-USA-p621/","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510016/podcast.xml"}},"live-from-here-highlights":{"id":"live-from-here-highlights","title":"Live from Here Highlights","info":"Chris Thile steps to the mic as the host of Live from Here (formerly A Prairie Home Companion), a live public radio variety show. Download Chris’s Song of the Week plus other highlights from the broadcast. Produced by American Public Media.","airtime":"SAT 6pm-8pm, SUN 11am-1pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Live-From-Here-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","officialWebsiteLink":"https://www.livefromhere.org/","meta":{"site":"arts","source":"american public media"},"link":"/radio/program/live-from-here-highlights","subscribe":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1167173941","tuneIn":"https://tunein.com/radio/Live-from-Here-Highlights-p921744/","rss":"https://feeds.publicradio.org/public_feeds/a-prairie-home-companion-highlights/rss/rss"}},"marketplace":{"id":"marketplace","title":"Marketplace","info":"Our flagship program, helmed by Kai Ryssdal, examines what the day in money delivered, through stories, conversations, newsworthy numbers and more. 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