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"content": "\u003cp>If you got engaged recently, merging your financial assets as a couple may be the last thing on your mind right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But perhaps a frank chat about money should eventually move up on your wedding “to-do” list. And this conversation might well involve the word “pre-nup.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While pre-nuptial contracts have long been associated with the ultra-wealthy, or with \u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/13/style/modern-love-prenup-is-a-four-letter-word.html\">marriages already headed for trouble\u003c/a>, these documents are now being increasingly embraced by couples of all ages — and financial situations — as a form of basic planning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A recent \u003ca href=\"https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2025/12/29/why-millennials-love-prenups\">\u003cem>New Yorker\u003c/em> feature found that more than 40% of engaged millennials say they’ve signed a prenup\u003c/a> — and that couples are using them to protect everything from intellectual property to collector items, like \u003ca href=\"https://helloprenup.com/prenuptial-agreements/how-to-protect-your-labubu-with-a-prenup/\">Labubus\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Apps have also made these legal contracts easier to access. And a growing chorus of lawyers, financial advisers and people who’ve been through ugly divorces are making the case that a pre-nup isn’t a sign of distrust, but rather an indication that you’ve done your homework.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But pre-nups can also be complicated, misunderstood and (if done wrong) downright unenforceable. With these complexities in mind, KQED asked the experts: what does a pre-nup actually do, who needs one, and what should you know before you sign?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Keep reading for everything you need to know about pre-nups in California.\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Jump straight to: \u003ca href=\"#WhyshouldIgetaprenupifwedonthavealotofassetsyet\">Why should I get a pre-nup if we don’t have a lot of assets yet?\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003ch2>How does marital property work in California if I don’t have a pre-nup?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>If you were married in California, you’ve actually already \u003cem>made \u003c/em>a legal agreement about your assets.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As family law attorney \u003ca href=\"https://hansonflg.com/juliana-yanez\">Juliana Yanez\u003c/a> told KQED on a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum/2010101912887/you-can-get-a-prenup-for-your-labubu-collection-should-you\">recent Forum show\u003c/a>: “The state of California, in essence, has a premarital agreement for you. It’s just that most folks who are getting married don’t know what it says.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you didn’t sign a pre-nuptial agreement, and you later file for a divorce, you’re likely to have your assets divided according to the state’s legal default.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Decades ago, California was the \u003ca href=\"https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2024-05-24/california-settled-the-no-fault-divorce-question-decades-ago-why-is-it-back-in-the-news\">first state to legalize no-fault divorce\u003c/a>, meaning that courts could no longer consider marital misconduct when granting a divorce or deciding how property would be divided — a process that previously favored the wronged party in a divorce where “fault” could be attributed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067243\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12067243\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photographers navigate posing their subjects on the grand staircase at San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Under current state law, Loyola law professor \u003ca href=\"https://www.lls.edu/faculty/facultylistl-r/kaiponaneamatsumura/\">Kaiponanea Matsumura\u003c/a> said, “once you marry, most of the assets that are earned by the spouses during marriage are going to be treated as ‘community property.’”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“So everybody has an immediate 50% interest in the community property,” Matsumura said, and “every dollar that you earn is 50% owned by your spouse, and vice versa.” The exception to this: Property you owned before the marriage, or received as a gift or inheritance, stays yours.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The catch is that the default rules don’t always feel equitable. Matsumura points to one common scenario: if you supported your spouse through school, and then divorced right as they started earning an income, that money \u003cem>wouldn’t \u003c/em>count as community property under California law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if you’re counting on spousal support to soften the blow, Matsumura cautions that the law is more limited than many people expect. “What the law is doing is splitting the marital property 50-50, most likely, and offering a clean break,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>What can a pre-nup actually cover?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Quite a lot. At its core, a pre-nup lets you decide how to divide property and whether to waive or limit spousal support in a specific scenario. But it also goes well beyond that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A pre-nup sets aside those rights that your state has afforded you because of marriage and allows you to craft whatever you want,” Massachusetts family law attorney \u003ca href=\"https://dangerlaw.com/\">Deborah Danger said\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These contracts can be used to protect a business, set boundaries around a retirement account or inheritance, and even to address debt. The latter is especially important for people getting married in California, given, as Matsumura said, debt is also divisible as “communal property” — meaning California couples are likely entitled to half of their spouse’s debts as well as their assets.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067211\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12067211 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingsGetty2.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingsGetty2.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingsGetty2-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingsGetty2-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Pre-nuptial contracts have long been associated with the ultra-wealthy. But these documents are now being increasingly embraced by couples of all ages and situations. \u003ccite>(Jason Doiy/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Younger couples are also pushing into new territory with their marital contracts. \u003ca href=\"https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2025/12/29/why-millennials-love-prenups\">\u003cem>New Yorker\u003c/em> staff writer Jennifer Wilson\u003c/a> found that Millennial and Gen Z couples are embracing pre-nuptial agreements as a tool for navigating tricky modern dilemmas.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In her story, Wilson said how apps like \u003ca href=\"https://helloprenup.com/\">HelloPrenup\u003c/a> offer legal templates with clauses penalizing social media disparagement, or stipulating how a couple’s embryos might be divided or stored in the event of a divorce.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s not just that more Millennials and Gen Z [couples] are getting pre-nups,” Wilson said. “They’re also trying to \u003cem>remake \u003c/em>the pre-nup.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Are there things a pre-nup can’t do?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Yes — and the clearest limit involves children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You can’t use a pre-nup to predetermine child custody or support. Courts have to award parental custody “based on the best interests of the child, regardless of what the parents say about it in a pre-nup,” Matsumura said.[aside postID=news_12067194 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingsGetty2.jpg']Courts also won’t approve terms so lopsided that one spouse is left destitute. Danger said that a judge will intervene if the terms leave someone unable to financially support themselves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Beyond that, Matsumura drew a clear line between clauses governing marital finances and spousal behavior. “Infidelity clauses” are generally unenforceable in California, and anything governing sexual conduct is also off the table.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pet custody is a newer gray area. Most states treat pets as property, meaning a judge would simply award the animal to one person, like a car. But California recently passed a law allowing couples to agree on shared companionship arrangements for pets: something that looks a lot like a custody schedule.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You might drop off the dog every two weeks at a pet store parking lot, or they agree to pay for certain types of medical care for the pet,” Matsumura said. This is a small but telling sign of how the law is slowly catching up to the way couples actually think about their lives, he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003ca id=\"WhyshouldIgetaprenupifwedonthavealotofassetsyet\">\u003c/a>My partner and I don’t have a lot of assets. Do we still need a pre-nup?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Probably more than you think. Even couples with similar financial situations at the time of marriage can find themselves with imbalanced assets later in life, Matsumura said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For example, if you decide to step back from your career to provide child or parental care, “you might find that you take a hit and you’ll never fully recover,” Matsumura said. While this can be especially true for women, he said that married people of all genders may have to make tough decisions about their participation in the workforce and how it’ll affect their earning power.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Juliana Yanez pointed to “equalization clauses,” provisions that award a stay-at-home spouse additional assets or support for every year they’re out of the workforce, as a valuable tool. This could look like a person receiving 25% of their spouse’s income after 5 years of marriage, and that percentage rising to 50% after 10 years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067155\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12067155\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1125\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-1200x675.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A pair of wedding rings on June 27, 2013. \u003ccite>(Christoph Edel/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Yanez said building these kinds of rises gradually, noting that they’re generally more enforceable if the amount of financial support vests over time, depending on how long you’ve been married.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>The New Yorker\u003c/em>’s Wilson found that many young couples are also thinking about assets they \u003cem>hope \u003c/em>to own someday — and how they’ll divide them. Among her interviewees were aspiring screenwriters who hadn’t sold a script yet, but still wanted their intellectual property protected just in case. “We’re not millionaires now,” one told her, “but we might be one day.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another way to think about all this, Danger said, is as peace of mind. Knowing your separate property is accounted for, she said, frees you to invest fully in building a life together — without the quiet anxiety of wondering what you’d lose if things went wrong.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>What’s the right time to bring up a pre-nup, and how do I start the conversation?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Family law attorney Yanez said discussing a prenup at least six months before the wedding, noting that California law already requires a seven-day waiting period before you can sign.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rushing this process also creates legal risk, Yanez said: not only do financial disclosures take time, but a pre-nup that feels coerced is also much harder to enforce.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12038520\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12038520\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/05/GettyImages-1389555319-scaled-e1774636363116.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1336\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A bridal customer models a wedding dress and veil at Bridal Reflections Bridal Salon in Massapequa, New York, on March 17, 2022. \u003ccite>(Reece T. Williams/Newsday RM via Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>As for how to start, Danger suggests thinking of it not as planning for divorce but as planning together while you still feel generous toward each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If you find talking about money unromantic, then you’re going to find marriage unromantic,” Wilson said. Since money is the number one thing couples fight about, she said, having the conversation early may actually help the marriage last longer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If a formal conversation feels like too much of a leap, Wilson suggested taking the pressure off with \u003ca href=\"https://www.meetneptune.com/fight-night-card-game\">a card game called Fight Night\u003c/a>, designed to help couples explore where they’re aligned — and where they’re not — before ever sitting down with a lawyer.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>I’m already married. Can I still get a similar kind of protection?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Yes, you can get a postnuptial agreement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once you’re married, Matsumura said, spouses owe each other “fiduciary duties.” This means you and your spouse are obligated to act in each other’s best financial interests, which can complicate things legally.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But with independent legal counsel — one lawyer for each of you, even though you’re married — and genuinely fair terms, a post-nup has a good chance of holding up in court.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Danger points out another option if you already have a pre-nup in place: amend it as your circumstances change. Consider setting regular check-in dates, timed with your anniversary or another memorable milestone, to reevaluate this document as a couple.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Think of this as a tool in your marital emergency kit, Danger said: “You don’t have to turn on your lamp, but if it gets dark, it’d be good to have some light.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>My partner and I aren’t getting married, but we live together. Can we still make a legal agreement?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>A landmark California case called \u003ca href=\"https://scocal.stanford.edu/opinion/marvin-v-marvin-27965\">Marvin v. Marvin\u003c/a> established that yes, unmarried pairs living together can enter into legally binding agreements about property and financial support — even if they are not in a romantic relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But as \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum/2010101912887/you-can-get-a-prenup-for-your-labubu-collection-should-you\">law professor Matsumura said on Forum\u003c/a>: “If you actually go to court to litigate [a case like this], you might be disappointed.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>I’m in a non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship. Can I get a pre-nup with multiple partners?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Since marriage in the United States is legally limited to two people, the default assumption of “communal property” isn’t available to all partners in a polyamorous relationship.[aside postID=news_12067114 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-03-KQED_qed.jpg']“We’re not talking about pre-nups at that point, we’re just talking about contracts,” Matsumura said. In theory, he said, partners should be able to contract over “co-ownership of property, payment obligations, or how they’re going to split the surplus that their household generates.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The catch is: courts tend to be skeptical of these agreements and may resist enforcing them in practice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For those who want more robust protection, some U.S. law firms now specialize in building marriage-like protections for polyamorous partners through a combination of contracts and estate planning tools.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This matters especially if two of the three — or more — partners are legally married already. Without a separate contract, a third partner could be left with nothing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For poly partnerships, Danger said that every person in the relationship contracts their own independent attorney. This will help to ensure fairness and help your documents hold up under scrutiny in court.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Can I just use an online pre-nup app instead of hiring a lawyer?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Apps and services like \u003ca href=\"https://helloprenup.com/\">HelloPrenup\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://wenup.co.uk/\">Weenup\u003c/a>, and \u003ca href=\"https://www.meetneptune.com/\">Neptune\u003c/a> have made pre-nups feel more accessible. And for many couples, that’s a good thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As a starting point for organizing your thoughts, these tools can be useful. Wilson observed that these apps “feel seamless” with our digital lives and some, like Neptune, even use AI to match couples with an appropriate lawyer based on their specific concerns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But all of the legal experts KQED spoke with were clear: an app alone is not enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As Yanez explains, you can’t \u003cem>make \u003c/em>an enforceable contract if you don’t each have your own legal counsel. That’s not a technicality: it’s a hard legal requirement.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>My child is getting married, and I want them to get a pre-nup. What can I do?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>If you’re anxious about your child’s impending nuptials, you’re not alone. Wilson said that parents are often the ones pushing hardest for pre-nups, particularly as \u003ca href=\"https://sites.lsa.umich.edu/mje/2025/04/03/the-great-wealth-transfer-and-its-implications-for-the-american-economy/\">Baby Boomers begin transferring significant wealth to their children\u003c/a> and want to make sure it stays in the family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But according to attorney Danger, you can suggest it, you can even offer to pay for it — but you can’t force it. Trying to build conditions into your estate plan, like threatening to disinherit a child who marries without a pre-nup, is unlikely to hold up in court.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If a pre-nup is off the table, attorney Yanez recommended instead focusing on financial education. Framing a pre-nuptial agreement as “a financial planning tool” may be a more persuasive approach when broaching the subject with your child and their soon-to-be spouse.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>If you got engaged recently, merging your financial assets as a couple may be the last thing on your mind right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But perhaps a frank chat about money should eventually move up on your wedding “to-do” list. And this conversation might well involve the word “pre-nup.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While pre-nuptial contracts have long been associated with the ultra-wealthy, or with \u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/13/style/modern-love-prenup-is-a-four-letter-word.html\">marriages already headed for trouble\u003c/a>, these documents are now being increasingly embraced by couples of all ages — and financial situations — as a form of basic planning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A recent \u003ca href=\"https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2025/12/29/why-millennials-love-prenups\">\u003cem>New Yorker\u003c/em> feature found that more than 40% of engaged millennials say they’ve signed a prenup\u003c/a> — and that couples are using them to protect everything from intellectual property to collector items, like \u003ca href=\"https://helloprenup.com/prenuptial-agreements/how-to-protect-your-labubu-with-a-prenup/\">Labubus\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Apps have also made these legal contracts easier to access. And a growing chorus of lawyers, financial advisers and people who’ve been through ugly divorces are making the case that a pre-nup isn’t a sign of distrust, but rather an indication that you’ve done your homework.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But pre-nups can also be complicated, misunderstood and (if done wrong) downright unenforceable. With these complexities in mind, KQED asked the experts: what does a pre-nup actually do, who needs one, and what should you know before you sign?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Keep reading for everything you need to know about pre-nups in California.\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Jump straight to: \u003ca href=\"#WhyshouldIgetaprenupifwedonthavealotofassetsyet\">Why should I get a pre-nup if we don’t have a lot of assets yet?\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003ch2>How does marital property work in California if I don’t have a pre-nup?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>If you were married in California, you’ve actually already \u003cem>made \u003c/em>a legal agreement about your assets.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As family law attorney \u003ca href=\"https://hansonflg.com/juliana-yanez\">Juliana Yanez\u003c/a> told KQED on a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum/2010101912887/you-can-get-a-prenup-for-your-labubu-collection-should-you\">recent Forum show\u003c/a>: “The state of California, in essence, has a premarital agreement for you. It’s just that most folks who are getting married don’t know what it says.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you didn’t sign a pre-nuptial agreement, and you later file for a divorce, you’re likely to have your assets divided according to the state’s legal default.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Decades ago, California was the \u003ca href=\"https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2024-05-24/california-settled-the-no-fault-divorce-question-decades-ago-why-is-it-back-in-the-news\">first state to legalize no-fault divorce\u003c/a>, meaning that courts could no longer consider marital misconduct when granting a divorce or deciding how property would be divided — a process that previously favored the wronged party in a divorce where “fault” could be attributed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067243\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12067243\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photographers navigate posing their subjects on the grand staircase at San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Under current state law, Loyola law professor \u003ca href=\"https://www.lls.edu/faculty/facultylistl-r/kaiponaneamatsumura/\">Kaiponanea Matsumura\u003c/a> said, “once you marry, most of the assets that are earned by the spouses during marriage are going to be treated as ‘community property.’”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“So everybody has an immediate 50% interest in the community property,” Matsumura said, and “every dollar that you earn is 50% owned by your spouse, and vice versa.” The exception to this: Property you owned before the marriage, or received as a gift or inheritance, stays yours.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The catch is that the default rules don’t always feel equitable. Matsumura points to one common scenario: if you supported your spouse through school, and then divorced right as they started earning an income, that money \u003cem>wouldn’t \u003c/em>count as community property under California law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if you’re counting on spousal support to soften the blow, Matsumura cautions that the law is more limited than many people expect. “What the law is doing is splitting the marital property 50-50, most likely, and offering a clean break,” he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>What can a pre-nup actually cover?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Quite a lot. At its core, a pre-nup lets you decide how to divide property and whether to waive or limit spousal support in a specific scenario. But it also goes well beyond that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A pre-nup sets aside those rights that your state has afforded you because of marriage and allows you to craft whatever you want,” Massachusetts family law attorney \u003ca href=\"https://dangerlaw.com/\">Deborah Danger said\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These contracts can be used to protect a business, set boundaries around a retirement account or inheritance, and even to address debt. The latter is especially important for people getting married in California, given, as Matsumura said, debt is also divisible as “communal property” — meaning California couples are likely entitled to half of their spouse’s debts as well as their assets.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067211\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12067211 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingsGetty2.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingsGetty2.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingsGetty2-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingsGetty2-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Pre-nuptial contracts have long been associated with the ultra-wealthy. But these documents are now being increasingly embraced by couples of all ages and situations. \u003ccite>(Jason Doiy/Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Younger couples are also pushing into new territory with their marital contracts. \u003ca href=\"https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2025/12/29/why-millennials-love-prenups\">\u003cem>New Yorker\u003c/em> staff writer Jennifer Wilson\u003c/a> found that Millennial and Gen Z couples are embracing pre-nuptial agreements as a tool for navigating tricky modern dilemmas.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In her story, Wilson said how apps like \u003ca href=\"https://helloprenup.com/\">HelloPrenup\u003c/a> offer legal templates with clauses penalizing social media disparagement, or stipulating how a couple’s embryos might be divided or stored in the event of a divorce.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s not just that more Millennials and Gen Z [couples] are getting pre-nups,” Wilson said. “They’re also trying to \u003cem>remake \u003c/em>the pre-nup.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Are there things a pre-nup can’t do?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Yes — and the clearest limit involves children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You can’t use a pre-nup to predetermine child custody or support. Courts have to award parental custody “based on the best interests of the child, regardless of what the parents say about it in a pre-nup,” Matsumura said.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>Courts also won’t approve terms so lopsided that one spouse is left destitute. Danger said that a judge will intervene if the terms leave someone unable to financially support themselves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Beyond that, Matsumura drew a clear line between clauses governing marital finances and spousal behavior. “Infidelity clauses” are generally unenforceable in California, and anything governing sexual conduct is also off the table.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pet custody is a newer gray area. Most states treat pets as property, meaning a judge would simply award the animal to one person, like a car. But California recently passed a law allowing couples to agree on shared companionship arrangements for pets: something that looks a lot like a custody schedule.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You might drop off the dog every two weeks at a pet store parking lot, or they agree to pay for certain types of medical care for the pet,” Matsumura said. This is a small but telling sign of how the law is slowly catching up to the way couples actually think about their lives, he said.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003ca id=\"WhyshouldIgetaprenupifwedonthavealotofassetsyet\">\u003c/a>My partner and I don’t have a lot of assets. Do we still need a pre-nup?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Probably more than you think. Even couples with similar financial situations at the time of marriage can find themselves with imbalanced assets later in life, Matsumura said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For example, if you decide to step back from your career to provide child or parental care, “you might find that you take a hit and you’ll never fully recover,” Matsumura said. While this can be especially true for women, he said that married people of all genders may have to make tough decisions about their participation in the workforce and how it’ll affect their earning power.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Juliana Yanez pointed to “equalization clauses,” provisions that award a stay-at-home spouse additional assets or support for every year they’re out of the workforce, as a valuable tool. This could look like a person receiving 25% of their spouse’s income after 5 years of marriage, and that percentage rising to 50% after 10 years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067155\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12067155\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1125\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-1200x675.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A pair of wedding rings on June 27, 2013. \u003ccite>(Christoph Edel/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Yanez said building these kinds of rises gradually, noting that they’re generally more enforceable if the amount of financial support vests over time, depending on how long you’ve been married.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>The New Yorker\u003c/em>’s Wilson found that many young couples are also thinking about assets they \u003cem>hope \u003c/em>to own someday — and how they’ll divide them. Among her interviewees were aspiring screenwriters who hadn’t sold a script yet, but still wanted their intellectual property protected just in case. “We’re not millionaires now,” one told her, “but we might be one day.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another way to think about all this, Danger said, is as peace of mind. Knowing your separate property is accounted for, she said, frees you to invest fully in building a life together — without the quiet anxiety of wondering what you’d lose if things went wrong.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>What’s the right time to bring up a pre-nup, and how do I start the conversation?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Family law attorney Yanez said discussing a prenup at least six months before the wedding, noting that California law already requires a seven-day waiting period before you can sign.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rushing this process also creates legal risk, Yanez said: not only do financial disclosures take time, but a pre-nup that feels coerced is also much harder to enforce.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12038520\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12038520\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/05/GettyImages-1389555319-scaled-e1774636363116.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1336\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A bridal customer models a wedding dress and veil at Bridal Reflections Bridal Salon in Massapequa, New York, on March 17, 2022. \u003ccite>(Reece T. Williams/Newsday RM via Getty Images)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>As for how to start, Danger suggests thinking of it not as planning for divorce but as planning together while you still feel generous toward each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If you find talking about money unromantic, then you’re going to find marriage unromantic,” Wilson said. Since money is the number one thing couples fight about, she said, having the conversation early may actually help the marriage last longer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If a formal conversation feels like too much of a leap, Wilson suggested taking the pressure off with \u003ca href=\"https://www.meetneptune.com/fight-night-card-game\">a card game called Fight Night\u003c/a>, designed to help couples explore where they’re aligned — and where they’re not — before ever sitting down with a lawyer.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>I’m already married. Can I still get a similar kind of protection?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Yes, you can get a postnuptial agreement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once you’re married, Matsumura said, spouses owe each other “fiduciary duties.” This means you and your spouse are obligated to act in each other’s best financial interests, which can complicate things legally.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But with independent legal counsel — one lawyer for each of you, even though you’re married — and genuinely fair terms, a post-nup has a good chance of holding up in court.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Danger points out another option if you already have a pre-nup in place: amend it as your circumstances change. Consider setting regular check-in dates, timed with your anniversary or another memorable milestone, to reevaluate this document as a couple.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Think of this as a tool in your marital emergency kit, Danger said: “You don’t have to turn on your lamp, but if it gets dark, it’d be good to have some light.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>My partner and I aren’t getting married, but we live together. Can we still make a legal agreement?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>A landmark California case called \u003ca href=\"https://scocal.stanford.edu/opinion/marvin-v-marvin-27965\">Marvin v. Marvin\u003c/a> established that yes, unmarried pairs living together can enter into legally binding agreements about property and financial support — even if they are not in a romantic relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But as \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum/2010101912887/you-can-get-a-prenup-for-your-labubu-collection-should-you\">law professor Matsumura said on Forum\u003c/a>: “If you actually go to court to litigate [a case like this], you might be disappointed.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>I’m in a non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship. Can I get a pre-nup with multiple partners?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Since marriage in the United States is legally limited to two people, the default assumption of “communal property” isn’t available to all partners in a polyamorous relationship.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>“We’re not talking about pre-nups at that point, we’re just talking about contracts,” Matsumura said. In theory, he said, partners should be able to contract over “co-ownership of property, payment obligations, or how they’re going to split the surplus that their household generates.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The catch is: courts tend to be skeptical of these agreements and may resist enforcing them in practice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For those who want more robust protection, some U.S. law firms now specialize in building marriage-like protections for polyamorous partners through a combination of contracts and estate planning tools.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This matters especially if two of the three — or more — partners are legally married already. Without a separate contract, a third partner could be left with nothing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For poly partnerships, Danger said that every person in the relationship contracts their own independent attorney. This will help to ensure fairness and help your documents hold up under scrutiny in court.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Can I just use an online pre-nup app instead of hiring a lawyer?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Apps and services like \u003ca href=\"https://helloprenup.com/\">HelloPrenup\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://wenup.co.uk/\">Weenup\u003c/a>, and \u003ca href=\"https://www.meetneptune.com/\">Neptune\u003c/a> have made pre-nups feel more accessible. And for many couples, that’s a good thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As a starting point for organizing your thoughts, these tools can be useful. Wilson observed that these apps “feel seamless” with our digital lives and some, like Neptune, even use AI to match couples with an appropriate lawyer based on their specific concerns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But all of the legal experts KQED spoke with were clear: an app alone is not enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As Yanez explains, you can’t \u003cem>make \u003c/em>an enforceable contract if you don’t each have your own legal counsel. That’s not a technicality: it’s a hard legal requirement.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>My child is getting married, and I want them to get a pre-nup. What can I do?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>If you’re anxious about your child’s impending nuptials, you’re not alone. Wilson said that parents are often the ones pushing hardest for pre-nups, particularly as \u003ca href=\"https://sites.lsa.umich.edu/mje/2025/04/03/the-great-wealth-transfer-and-its-implications-for-the-american-economy/\">Baby Boomers begin transferring significant wealth to their children\u003c/a> and want to make sure it stays in the family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But according to attorney Danger, you can suggest it, you can even offer to pay for it — but you can’t force it. Trying to build conditions into your estate plan, like threatening to disinherit a child who marries without a pre-nup, is unlikely to hold up in court.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If a pre-nup is off the table, attorney Yanez recommended instead focusing on financial education. Framing a pre-nuptial agreement as “a financial planning tool” may be a more persuasive approach when broaching the subject with your child and their soon-to-be spouse.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"slug": "san-francisco-city-hall-wedding-ceremony-how-to-plan-small-simple-marriage",
"title": "Expert Advice on Pulling Off a Small, Intimate City Hall Wedding (That Won’t Break the Bank)",
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"headTitle": "Expert Advice on Pulling Off a Small, Intimate City Hall Wedding (That Won’t Break the Bank) | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cp>According to Sunnyvale \u003ca href=\"https://deniselillie.com/\">wedding planner\u003c/a> Denise Lillie, the holidays are known to those in her profession as “engagement season.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But there are many reasons that couples may opt for a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12067114/getting-married-san-francisco-bay-area-wedding-license-certificate-costs-officiant-witnesses-change-name-marriage\">smaller, simpler elopement-style ceremony\u003c/a>, she said — not least the financial pressures of a \u003ca href=\"https://www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/2024/05/22/wedding-planning-dress-cost-marriage-abbigail-shirk\">big traditional wedding\u003c/a>. According to \u003ca href=\"https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost\">a 2025 survey of around 17,000 couples by wedding website \u003cem>The Knot\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>, \u003c/em>the average cost of a wedding in the United States — the wedding dress, the venue, the band, the catering and so much more — is $33,000. In San Francisco, it’s $51,500.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lillie started seeing an increase in inquiries for these types of events during the height of the pandemic, when she observed many people wanting to make the commitment quickly and save a bigger celebration for later down the line — as well as a growing appreciation for the “aesthetics” of a small, intimate wedding ceremony among Gen-Z, she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So if you’re one of those couples seeking to marry a partner as quickly and affordably as possible, how can you make a smaller city hall ceremony still feel special, without breaking the bank? Keep reading for advice from the wedding experts on how to make a simple, local ceremony extra enjoyable for you and your guests — whether you’re planning a larger party later or not — with particular tips for getting married at San Francisco City Hall.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if you’re looking for a breakdown of \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12067114/getting-married-san-francisco-bay-area-wedding-license-certificate-costs-officiant-witnesses-change-name-marriage\">the logistics of getting married swiftly and affordably\u003c/a>, from marriage licenses and certificate costs to timeframes, check out our earlier guide: From Paperwork to Costs, the Basics of Getting Married in the Bay Area.\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Jump straight to: \u003ca href=\"#HowtogetmarriedinSanFranciscoCityHall\">How to get married in San Francisco City Hall\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003ch2>Know that not all costs are ‘essential’ …\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Beyond the basic costs of a marriage license and paying someone to perform your ceremony, there are a \u003cem>lot \u003c/em>of expenses people associate with weddings, said Alexis Levy, a San Francisco-based lawyer who is licensed to marry people in California: Rings, clothes, venues, “all that kind of stuff.”[aside postID=news_12067114 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-03-KQED_qed.jpg']But Levy explained that “none of those are technically legally required to get married,” and rather to see those costs as “just common pieces of a wedding.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/author/abandlamudi\">KQED’s own Adhiti Bandlamudi \u003c/a>echoed this advice for couples to work out what’s truly important to them for their own big day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When it came to her own civil ceremony in 2021 at San Francisco City Hall, Bandlamudi wore a white dress purchased from Anthropologie.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Afterwards, she and her loved ones gathered together in the couple’s cozy Richmond apartment, with takeout Indian pizza for catering. She even made her own gingerbread wedding cake.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>… and figure out your own priorities\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>For some couples, the emotional stress of weddings — the costs, the planning, the constant wondering of what other people and families are going to think — can burden them. But, Bandlamudi said, “it’s \u003cem>your wedding\u003c/em>.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She recommended that couples focus on what that day means to them: “Is it the vibes? Is it the music? Is that the food?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once you and your partner have discussed the elements that truly matter to you, “focus on that, make it really special,” advised Bandlamudi. This will also help you eliminate certain aspects and costs you just don’t need or want.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And now that you’ve established your non-negotiables …\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Make a checklist to manage the day itself …\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>For the majority of intimate elopements or city hall weddings, “most couples really tend to manage the event themselves,” said Nilou Nouri, a \u003ca href=\"https://nilouweddings.com/\">wedding planner\u003c/a> based in the Bay Area.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But sometimes she’s looped in to make the “day a little more effortless for them,” like managing florals, guests or booking a photographer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067145\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12067145 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Denise Lillie at San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>While an elopement is “still a special day for you,” wedding planner Lillie said, there may be some key aspects you can overlook in the rush and excitement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For example, hiring a content creator — a person to film vertical videos of the ceremony optimized for posting to platforms like Instagram or TikTok — has become super popular among couples, even during shorter weddings, Lillie said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A couple may also choose to book a photographer or hair and make-up artist. She said a lot of services can be reserved on short notice by sifting through wedding groups on social media.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lillie suggested couples come up with a plan or checklist ahead of the ceremony — or designate tasks to friends, family or a planner.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>… and work out your day’s timeline\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Timing is important, especially since the ceremony itself is an appointment of a certain length. You and your partner can establish:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>What is the timeline for the day?\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>If you are meeting at the city hall, what time is everyone getting there? Where are you physically meeting? Remember to allow time to go through the city hall’s security.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Where will you park? (For example, “the best parking for San Francisco City Hall is under the Civic Center Plaza,” added Nouri.)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Do you want a bouquet?\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Do you want a cake? Will it be delivered somewhere, or will someone pick it up?\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Even just a few days of planning is worth it, Nouri said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My advice would be to still take that personal time for yourself and do what’s important,” she said. “Not to overlook that … just because it’s on a more intimate scale.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Consider all the free places you can take your wedding pictures\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Any public spot in San Francisco City Hall is free to take pictures, explained Nouri. And it’s such a beautiful space that Nouri “definitely” recommends springing for a professional photographer to capture your day, even if only briefly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“There are some photographers who do City Hall specials,” she said. “Maybe you hire them for 30 minutes to 60 minutes or 90 minutes.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067266\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12067266\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-02-KQED_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-02-KQED_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-02-KQED_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-02-KQED_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Haojun Chen (right) and Kitling Zhang pose for a photo on the Grand Staircase inside San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Other free places around San Francisco alone that are popular photography locations include public spaces like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>The steps outside of San Francisco City Hall\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The steps outside the Asian Art Museum, next to City Hall\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The Palace of Fine Arts\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The Presidio, especially \u003ca href=\"https://presidio.gov/explore/attractions/lovers-lane-trail\">Lovers Lane\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Sutro Baths\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Baker Beach\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003ch2>Case study: \u003ca id=\"HowtogetmarriedinSanFranciscoCityHall\">\u003c/a>How to get married in San Francisco City Hall\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Book your ceremony, depending on guest list and day\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I love City Hall weddings,” Nouri said. “It’s one of the most beautiful venues in San Francisco.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Given its popularity, San Francisco City Hall requires \u003ca href=\"https://sfcityhallevents.org/event-calendar/\">booking in advance\u003c/a>. If you want a large ceremony at City Hall — defined as more than six guests — \u003cem>or \u003c/em>want to get married on a weekend or holiday, you’ll have to book through \u003ca href=\"https://sfcityhallevents.org/weddings/\">the city’s events page\u003c/a>. Among its offerings is \u003ca href=\"https://sfcityhallevents.org/one-hour-weddings/\">a one-hour wedding package\u003c/a>, which costs $1,200.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you have six or fewer guests, you can \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/have-civil-marriage-or-domestic-partnership-ceremony-city-hall\">book an appointment for a smaller civil ceremony\u003c/a>. That’s what KQED’s Bandlamudi did.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067243\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12067243\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photographers navigate posing their subjects on the grand staircase at San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>She said while she and her parents were excited about a “traditional big Indian wedding,” she and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11895000/how-i-met-my-husband-despite-the-global-pandemic\">her now-husband\u003c/a> wanted to have “something a little more intimate \u003cem>before \u003c/em>the wedding.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco City Hall felt like a natural choice since “it’s already such a pretty place,” she said. “In the morning, we had our appointment at City Hall,” and had their “a very, very quick ceremony” performed by a judge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Bandlamudi said she was surprised by how relatively easy the whole process was.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was very simple. And anyone can do it,” she said, although she noted that they had to book the ceremony itself “pretty quickly” after \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12067114/getting-married-san-francisco-bay-area-wedding-license-certificate-costs-officiant-witnesses-change-name-marriage\">getting the license\u003c/a>.[aside postID=news_11895000 hero='https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/004_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg']San Francisco County Clerk Diane Rea said City Hall offers around thirty to forty appointments a day for their weekday ceremonies. Many of these are in the rotunda area, Rea explained, and are “short and sweet.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Consider the day and time if you \u003cem>don’t \u003c/em>want a busy scene\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Nouri’s experience, the best times for elopement-style ceremonies at San Francisco City Hall are around 9 a.m. or 10 a.m. Midday, around 12 to 3 p.m., tends to be the busiest time, she said. And Mondays or Fridays especially bring crowds to City Hall, Nouri noted.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For her, the busiest months for weddings at San Francisco City Hall are February, with Valentine’s Day and “2” being a lucky number in some cultures, and June, for Pride Month.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Know you’ll be sharing the space — and stay on time\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While three couples may share an appointment, the ceremonies at San Francisco City Hall are one at a time. Rea said in the excitement of the wedding, some couples may wander off to take photos as they wait for their ceremony, but it really helps if the couple stays in the area and takes pictures \u003cem>after \u003c/em>the ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s really important to be on time. Because that could snowball through the day if they’re late,” she said, and couples will have the rest of the day to take pictures after the ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Keep in mind: a government space like City Hall draws people for all types of occasions, like graduation or quinceañeras. Expect to potentially run into crowds, and for noise to travel within the building.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>According to Sunnyvale \u003ca href=\"https://deniselillie.com/\">wedding planner\u003c/a> Denise Lillie, the holidays are known to those in her profession as “engagement season.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But there are many reasons that couples may opt for a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12067114/getting-married-san-francisco-bay-area-wedding-license-certificate-costs-officiant-witnesses-change-name-marriage\">smaller, simpler elopement-style ceremony\u003c/a>, she said — not least the financial pressures of a \u003ca href=\"https://www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/2024/05/22/wedding-planning-dress-cost-marriage-abbigail-shirk\">big traditional wedding\u003c/a>. According to \u003ca href=\"https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost\">a 2025 survey of around 17,000 couples by wedding website \u003cem>The Knot\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>, \u003c/em>the average cost of a wedding in the United States — the wedding dress, the venue, the band, the catering and so much more — is $33,000. In San Francisco, it’s $51,500.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lillie started seeing an increase in inquiries for these types of events during the height of the pandemic, when she observed many people wanting to make the commitment quickly and save a bigger celebration for later down the line — as well as a growing appreciation for the “aesthetics” of a small, intimate wedding ceremony among Gen-Z, she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So if you’re one of those couples seeking to marry a partner as quickly and affordably as possible, how can you make a smaller city hall ceremony still feel special, without breaking the bank? Keep reading for advice from the wedding experts on how to make a simple, local ceremony extra enjoyable for you and your guests — whether you’re planning a larger party later or not — with particular tips for getting married at San Francisco City Hall.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if you’re looking for a breakdown of \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12067114/getting-married-san-francisco-bay-area-wedding-license-certificate-costs-officiant-witnesses-change-name-marriage\">the logistics of getting married swiftly and affordably\u003c/a>, from marriage licenses and certificate costs to timeframes, check out our earlier guide: From Paperwork to Costs, the Basics of Getting Married in the Bay Area.\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Jump straight to: \u003ca href=\"#HowtogetmarriedinSanFranciscoCityHall\">How to get married in San Francisco City Hall\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003ch2>Know that not all costs are ‘essential’ …\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Beyond the basic costs of a marriage license and paying someone to perform your ceremony, there are a \u003cem>lot \u003c/em>of expenses people associate with weddings, said Alexis Levy, a San Francisco-based lawyer who is licensed to marry people in California: Rings, clothes, venues, “all that kind of stuff.”\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>But Levy explained that “none of those are technically legally required to get married,” and rather to see those costs as “just common pieces of a wedding.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/author/abandlamudi\">KQED’s own Adhiti Bandlamudi \u003c/a>echoed this advice for couples to work out what’s truly important to them for their own big day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When it came to her own civil ceremony in 2021 at San Francisco City Hall, Bandlamudi wore a white dress purchased from Anthropologie.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Afterwards, she and her loved ones gathered together in the couple’s cozy Richmond apartment, with takeout Indian pizza for catering. She even made her own gingerbread wedding cake.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>… and figure out your own priorities\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>For some couples, the emotional stress of weddings — the costs, the planning, the constant wondering of what other people and families are going to think — can burden them. But, Bandlamudi said, “it’s \u003cem>your wedding\u003c/em>.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She recommended that couples focus on what that day means to them: “Is it the vibes? Is it the music? Is that the food?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once you and your partner have discussed the elements that truly matter to you, “focus on that, make it really special,” advised Bandlamudi. This will also help you eliminate certain aspects and costs you just don’t need or want.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And now that you’ve established your non-negotiables …\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Make a checklist to manage the day itself …\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>For the majority of intimate elopements or city hall weddings, “most couples really tend to manage the event themselves,” said Nilou Nouri, a \u003ca href=\"https://nilouweddings.com/\">wedding planner\u003c/a> based in the Bay Area.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But sometimes she’s looped in to make the “day a little more effortless for them,” like managing florals, guests or booking a photographer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067145\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12067145 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Denise Lillie at San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>While an elopement is “still a special day for you,” wedding planner Lillie said, there may be some key aspects you can overlook in the rush and excitement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For example, hiring a content creator — a person to film vertical videos of the ceremony optimized for posting to platforms like Instagram or TikTok — has become super popular among couples, even during shorter weddings, Lillie said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A couple may also choose to book a photographer or hair and make-up artist. She said a lot of services can be reserved on short notice by sifting through wedding groups on social media.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lillie suggested couples come up with a plan or checklist ahead of the ceremony — or designate tasks to friends, family or a planner.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>… and work out your day’s timeline\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Timing is important, especially since the ceremony itself is an appointment of a certain length. You and your partner can establish:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>What is the timeline for the day?\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>If you are meeting at the city hall, what time is everyone getting there? Where are you physically meeting? Remember to allow time to go through the city hall’s security.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Where will you park? (For example, “the best parking for San Francisco City Hall is under the Civic Center Plaza,” added Nouri.)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Do you want a bouquet?\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Do you want a cake? Will it be delivered somewhere, or will someone pick it up?\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Even just a few days of planning is worth it, Nouri said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My advice would be to still take that personal time for yourself and do what’s important,” she said. “Not to overlook that … just because it’s on a more intimate scale.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Consider all the free places you can take your wedding pictures\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Any public spot in San Francisco City Hall is free to take pictures, explained Nouri. And it’s such a beautiful space that Nouri “definitely” recommends springing for a professional photographer to capture your day, even if only briefly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“There are some photographers who do City Hall specials,” she said. “Maybe you hire them for 30 minutes to 60 minutes or 90 minutes.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067266\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12067266\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-02-KQED_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-02-KQED_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-02-KQED_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-02-KQED_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Haojun Chen (right) and Kitling Zhang pose for a photo on the Grand Staircase inside San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Other free places around San Francisco alone that are popular photography locations include public spaces like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>The steps outside of San Francisco City Hall\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The steps outside the Asian Art Museum, next to City Hall\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The Palace of Fine Arts\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The Presidio, especially \u003ca href=\"https://presidio.gov/explore/attractions/lovers-lane-trail\">Lovers Lane\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Sutro Baths\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Baker Beach\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003ch2>Case study: \u003ca id=\"HowtogetmarriedinSanFranciscoCityHall\">\u003c/a>How to get married in San Francisco City Hall\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Book your ceremony, depending on guest list and day\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I love City Hall weddings,” Nouri said. “It’s one of the most beautiful venues in San Francisco.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Given its popularity, San Francisco City Hall requires \u003ca href=\"https://sfcityhallevents.org/event-calendar/\">booking in advance\u003c/a>. If you want a large ceremony at City Hall — defined as more than six guests — \u003cem>or \u003c/em>want to get married on a weekend or holiday, you’ll have to book through \u003ca href=\"https://sfcityhallevents.org/weddings/\">the city’s events page\u003c/a>. Among its offerings is \u003ca href=\"https://sfcityhallevents.org/one-hour-weddings/\">a one-hour wedding package\u003c/a>, which costs $1,200.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you have six or fewer guests, you can \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/have-civil-marriage-or-domestic-partnership-ceremony-city-hall\">book an appointment for a smaller civil ceremony\u003c/a>. That’s what KQED’s Bandlamudi did.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067243\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12067243\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photographers navigate posing their subjects on the grand staircase at San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>She said while she and her parents were excited about a “traditional big Indian wedding,” she and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11895000/how-i-met-my-husband-despite-the-global-pandemic\">her now-husband\u003c/a> wanted to have “something a little more intimate \u003cem>before \u003c/em>the wedding.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco City Hall felt like a natural choice since “it’s already such a pretty place,” she said. “In the morning, we had our appointment at City Hall,” and had their “a very, very quick ceremony” performed by a judge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Bandlamudi said she was surprised by how relatively easy the whole process was.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It was very simple. And anyone can do it,” she said, although she noted that they had to book the ceremony itself “pretty quickly” after \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12067114/getting-married-san-francisco-bay-area-wedding-license-certificate-costs-officiant-witnesses-change-name-marriage\">getting the license\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>San Francisco County Clerk Diane Rea said City Hall offers around thirty to forty appointments a day for their weekday ceremonies. Many of these are in the rotunda area, Rea explained, and are “short and sweet.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Consider the day and time if you \u003cem>don’t \u003c/em>want a busy scene\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Nouri’s experience, the best times for elopement-style ceremonies at San Francisco City Hall are around 9 a.m. or 10 a.m. Midday, around 12 to 3 p.m., tends to be the busiest time, she said. And Mondays or Fridays especially bring crowds to City Hall, Nouri noted.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For her, the busiest months for weddings at San Francisco City Hall are February, with Valentine’s Day and “2” being a lucky number in some cultures, and June, for Pride Month.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Know you’ll be sharing the space — and stay on time\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While three couples may share an appointment, the ceremonies at San Francisco City Hall are one at a time. Rea said in the excitement of the wedding, some couples may wander off to take photos as they wait for their ceremony, but it really helps if the couple stays in the area and takes pictures \u003cem>after \u003c/em>the ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s really important to be on time. Because that could snowball through the day if they’re late,” she said, and couples will have the rest of the day to take pictures after the ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Keep in mind: a government space like City Hall draws people for all types of occasions, like graduation or quinceañeras. Expect to potentially run into crowds, and for noise to travel within the building.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"slug": "getting-married-san-francisco-bay-area-wedding-license-certificate-costs-officiant-witnesses-change-name-marriage",
"title": "From Paperwork to Costs, the Basics of Getting Married in the Bay Area",
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"headTitle": "From Paperwork to Costs, the Basics of Getting Married in the Bay Area | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cp>When I told KQED coworkers I was working on a guide to getting married quickly, my fundraising colleague Lilly Payne joked that she and her wife got married “for love and health insurance.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To be clear, the plan was always to \u003cem>get \u003c/em>married. “She’s the love of my life. She’s my favorite person,” Payne said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But she explained she had to accelerate her wedding plans in 2023 to be able to keep her then-fiancée insured before a big move the very same week. This rapid change in circumstance delayed the couple’s plan for a larger ceremony in favor of backyard vows conducted by an ordained neighbor, and witnessed by their friends and their dog, Oliver.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We didn’t have rings yet, but we had matching baseball caps,” Payne laughed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And while this quick approach was admittedly “not what we were expecting at all,” said Payne, the tradeoff of cementing the couple’s legal partnership for their joint health and happiness was, for them, worth it.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>When a speedy wedding feels right\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Payne was by no means alone in choosing to formalize a partnership earlier than originally planned for practical reasons. In the United States, where access to good healthcare is often tied to employment or marriage, \u003ca href=\"https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/living-single/202103/its-not-just-love-some-stay-married-the-health-insurance\">health insurance can be a large motivator\u003c/a> — as can financial pressures in general.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>People may choose elopements, that is, quicker or smaller ceremonies, for a variety of reasons, Sunnyvale \u003ca href=\"https://deniselillie.com/\">wedding planner\u003c/a> Denise Lillie said. She started seeing an increase in inquiries for these types of events during the height of the pandemic, when she observed many people wanting to make the commitment quickly — and celebrate later.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067145\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12067145 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Denise Lillie at San Francicsco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Lillie said planners like her have also received requests from LGBTQ+ couples concerned about the future of marriage equality.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even though the \u003ca href=\"https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/supreme-court-rejects-long-shot-effort-overturn-sex-marriage-ruling-rcna241113\">Supreme Court rejected the latest request\u003c/a> to overturn the U.S.’s landmark same-sex marriage ruling in early November, some couples have \u003ca href=\"https://time.com/7297484/obergefell-anniversary-trump-gay-marriage/\">expressed anxiety about the future of equal marriage\u003c/a> under President Donald Trump’s\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12023784/after-trumps-order-on-two-genders-trans-rights-groups-taking-action\"> second administration\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The aesthetics of a small, intimate wedding ceremony — sometimes followed up by a bigger party later down the line — has also gained in popularity among Gen-Z, Lillie said.[aside postID=news_12067194 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingsGetty2.jpg']And then, there are the undoubted financial pressures of the \u003ca href=\"https://www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/2024/05/22/wedding-planning-dress-cost-marriage-abbigail-shirk\">big traditional wedding\u003c/a>: According to \u003ca href=\"https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost\">a 2025 survey of around 17,000 couples by wedding website \u003cem>The Knot\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>, \u003c/em>the average cost of a wedding in the United States is $33,000. In San Francisco, it’s $51,500.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the midst of the holidays, also known as “engagement season” to wedding planners like Lillie, if you’re someone seeking to marry a partner as quickly and affordably as possible, you may be wondering: What are the logistics of getting married? What kind of paperwork do you actually need, and what are the timeframes — and costs?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Keep reading for the breakdown — and bear in mind that since the following doesn’t constitute legal advice, it’s always a good idea to speak to a lawyer about marriage licenses, name change options, finances and more when it comes to your own circumstances.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if you’re looking for specific ways to make a small, simple ceremony feel special, check out our \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12067194/san-francisco-city-hall-wedding-ceremony-how-to-plan-small-simple-marriage\">advice from wedding experts\u003c/a> for making the most of your intimate ceremony, with particular tips for getting married at San Francisco City Hall.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>The paperwork basics of getting married\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>To be formally married in California, you’ll need to obtain two documents:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>A marriage license\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>This document authorizes your marriage to take place in California.\u003c/p>\n\u003col start=\"2\">\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>A marriage certificate\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>This document then acts as the proof of your marriage “through the county and state’s eyes,” said Alexis Levy, a San Francisco-based lawyer who is licensed to marry people in California.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Getting your marriage license\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>How do I get a marriage license in California?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A marriage license is essentially a permit to get married, although you won’t be legally married \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/get-marriage-license\">until you have a ceremony.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To obtain a license, both partners should already be unmarried and over 18. (\u003ca href=\"https://www.sdcourt.ca.gov/sdcourt/juvenile3/juvenilemarriagelicenses3#:~:text=California%20law%20requires%20a%20person,the%20discretion%20of%20the%20court.\">People under 18\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://smcacre.gov/county-clerk-recorder/applicant-cannot-physically-appear-person\">incarcerated\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://smcacre.gov/county-clerk-recorder/applicant-cannot-physically-appear-person\">hospitalized\u003c/a> or \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/information--special-case-weddings\">in active military duty\u003c/a> have separate procedures for getting married.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In California, the process for obtaining a marriage license varies by county, and you’ll often be asked to complete an application online before picking up the license.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12058872\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12058872\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/230808-SanFranciscoCityHall-23-BL_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/230808-SanFranciscoCityHall-23-BL_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/230808-SanFranciscoCityHall-23-BL_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/230808-SanFranciscoCityHall-23-BL_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">City Hall is reflected in the Veterans Building in San Francisco on Aug. 8, 2023. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>For example, in \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/get-marriage-license\">San Francisco\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://smcacre.gov/county-clerk-recorder/applying-marriage-license\">San Mateo\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.napacounty.gov/1327/Marriage-License-Ceremony\">Napa County\u003c/a>, you need to book an appointment to pick up your license. In \u003ca href=\"https://www.acgov.org/auditor/clerk/bdm/marrlic.htm\">Alameda County\u003c/a>, the process is done through \u003ca href=\"https://auditor.alamedacountyca.gov/clerk-recorder-marriage-services-virtual/\">a video conference call\u003c/a>. In \u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/marriage-birth-and-death/apply-marriage-license\">Santa Clara\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.contracostavote.gov/countyclerk/ceremony-information/\">Contra Costa\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.arcc.marincounty.gov/services/marriage-birth-and-death/applying-marriage-license\">Marin\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://sonomacounty.gov/administrative-support-and-fiscal-services/clerk-recorder-assessor/clerk-recorder/clerk-services/marriage-license\">Sonoma\u003c/a>, and \u003ca href=\"https://www.solanocounty.gov/government/treasurer-tax-collector-county-clerk/county-clerk/marriage-license\">Solano\u003c/a>, marriage licenses are issued on a walk-in basis only.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When going to the county clerk’s office to get your license, you usually will need to bring a valid government-issued ID. Both parties need to be present.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do I need to get a marriage license in the county I live in? Or the county I intend to get married in?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CHSI/Pages/Types-of-Marriage-Licenses-.aspx\">You can actually get a marriage license from any California county\u003c/a>, as long as your marriage ceremony takes place in California. You don’t have to live in that county or get married in that county.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This may offer you some convenience and flexibility if, for example, appointments for marriage licenses are scarce in the county you live in.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Are there different kinds of marriage licenses?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are two different types of licenses that a couple can obtain, which impact costs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Most couples choose what’s called a “\u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/marriage-birth-and-death/apply-marriage-license\"> public marriage license\u003c/a>,” which allows the marriage to be \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/get-marriage-license\">a public record\u003c/a> and requires a witness at the ceremony. These licenses cost around \u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/marriage-birth-and-death/apply-marriage-license\">$80\u003c/a> to \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/information--fees-county-clerk-services\">$127\u003c/a>, depending on the county. Most couples \u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/marriage-birth-and-death/apply-marriage-license\">opt for this license\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067155\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12067155\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1125\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-1200x675.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A pair of wedding rings on June 27, 2013. \u003ccite>(Christoph Edel/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>A “confidential marriage license” means that the marriage record is available \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/get-marriage-license\">only to the couple\u003c/a> or by \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CHSI/Pages/Types-of-Marriage-Licenses-.aspx\">court order from the same county\u003c/a>. These ceremonies require no witnesses, but the couple must also already \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/get-marriage-license\">live together\u003c/a> to be eligible for a confidential marriage license. These licenses typically cost a little more than public marriage licenses: For example, in \u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/marriage-birth-and-death/apply-marriage-license\">Santa Clara County\u003c/a>, the standard marriage license is $80, and the confidential marriage license is $83.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>How quickly can I get a marriage license? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It depends on how busy the office is, but an appointment for a license can take \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/step-by-step--get-married-san-francisco\">as little as \u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"https://www.solanocounty.gov/government/treasurer-tax-collector-county-clerk/county-clerk/marriage-license\">half an hour\u003c/a>. A \u003ca href=\"https://media.api.sf.gov/documents/2018_Public_Marriage_License_Application_09.13.18_nPUtUdp.pdf\">marriage license application\u003c/a> itself is around a page and a half.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The real key about the marriage license is to keep it safe,” San Francisco County Clerk Diane Rea said. “I know it looks like a piece of paper, but it becomes your record in the end.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She said there could be instances where the license could be rejected if it is ripped or has coffee stains, and you may have to buy it all over again.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Having a wedding ceremony and obtaining your marriage certificate\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>How quickly do we have to \u003cem>get \u003c/em>married after getting the license? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once you have the license, you must get married within \u003ca href=\"https://www.contracostavote.gov/countyclerk/ceremony-information/\">90 days of the date\u003c/a>, and if you don’t, you’ll need to obtain a new license.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you’re looking to really speed up the process, you could get married in the County Clerk-Recorder’s office on the same day, depending on the county. However, remember some counties will require some kind of \u003ca href=\"https://apps.smcacre.org/marsched/schedule.aspx\">booking\u003c/a> or appointment for \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/have-civil-marriage-or-domestic-partnership-ceremony-city-hall\">a civil ceremony\u003c/a>, so don’t necessarily expect to get a “walk-in wedding.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067535\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12067535 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED-67.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1334\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED-67.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED-67-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED-67-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photographers pose their subjects for engagement and quinceañera photos on the grand staircase at San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>But, truly, as long as you have the necessary witnesses and someone qualified to officiate, a ceremony can be \u003cem>anywhere\u003c/em>: a backyard, a bar, a park, a movie theater.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Remember to bring the license and government identification to the ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do I need witnesses? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you have a public marriage license in California, \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CHSI/Pages/Marriage-Officiant-Frequently-Asked-Questions.aspx\">you need at least one witness and at most two witnesses\u003c/a>. They will sign your marriage certificate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Who can marry couples in California?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>According to \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displayText.xhtml?lawCode=FAM&division=3.&title=&part=3.&chapter=1.&article=\">California law\u003c/a>, a wedding officiant can be someone, such as a judge, specific county staff, religious figures like priests or rabbis or current and former elected officials.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/services/become-one-day-deputy-commissioner\">some counties\u003c/a>, anyone can be \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/become-deputy-marriage-commissioner-day\">a marriage commissioner\u003c/a> for a day for a specific couple as long as they are over 18, fill out paperwork and are willing to take an oath to uphold the state and national constitutions. The price for this process ranges from county to county and could be around $80 to \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/information--fees-county-clerk-services\">$182\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Levy said the entities like \u003ca href=\"https://getordained.org/landing/get-ordained?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17232247909&gbraid=0AAAAADmMFGbYO-pl25X5g29z3BCIfgj12&gclid=CjwKCAjwxfjGBhAUEiwAKWPwDmoFDHZl8Cocq5vHjZw-uAOcF6kEPs-sy4e0ECVBXL5o4LwAPWW1BRoCEDoQAvD_BwE\">the Universal Life Church\u003c/a> — “which is basically a completely non-denominational, non-doctrinal church” — also allow people to get ordained and officiate weddings. While anyone over 18 can get ordained, there are specific rules to know for officiating a wedding. The Universal Life Church has \u003ca href=\"https://getordained.org/perform-a-marriage/california\">a guide on how to get ordained in the state of California\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12029447\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12029447 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED-1920x1280.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Attorney Alexis Levy poses for a portrait outside the Civic Center Courthouse in San Francisco on Feb. 26, 2025. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Does location matter?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As long as you get married in California, you do not need to get married in the county where you got your marriage license, said Levy, or the county where you live.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But if you want to get married in another \u003cem>state\u003c/em>, you should first get a marriage license in that state. For example, if you are having a Las Vegas wedding, you should obtain your marriage license in Nevada, since “their rules are very different than California’s,” cautioned Levy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>What paperwork do I need to do after the wedding? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Levy stressed that you must record the marriage certificate within 10 days of the wedding, with \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/step-by-step--get-married-san-francisco\">the county clerk where the certificate was issued\u003c/a>, which may well be a different county than the one in which you obtained your marriage license. Sometimes officiants will do the recording for you, which you should establish beforehand.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You should also request a copy of the marriage certificate from the county where it was issued.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>With all this in mind, what’s the lowest cost I could get married for?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>For the basics, you should factor in:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>The cost of your marriage license, plus\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The cost of any civil ceremony in a city hall, plus\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The cost of any county official who’s marrying you\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The cost of obtaining a copy of your marriage certificate\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>For example, in \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/information--fees-county-clerk-services\">San Francisco County\u003c/a>, a public marriage license is $127, a civil marriage ceremony in the city hall is $111 and an additional copy of a marriage certificate is $17.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another example, in \u003ca href=\"https://smcacre.gov/county-clerk-recorder/marriage-fees\">San Mateo County\u003c/a>, a public marriage license is $79, and a civil marriage ceremony is $65. A deputized marriage commissioner is $60. A duplicate of the marriage certificate is $5.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067531\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12067531 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-05-KQED_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-05-KQED_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-05-KQED_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-05-KQED_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Echo Xi (right) and Colin Kou pose for engagement photos at San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“There [are] a lot of other costs that people associate with weddings. With rings and with outfits and venues and all that kind of stuff,” Levy said. “None of those are technically legally required to get married. They’re just common pieces of a wedding.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if they wish, couples can find many ways of keeping costs down with personal touches. KQED’s own Adhiti Bandlamudi echoed this advice for couples to work out what’s truly important to them for their own big day. When it came to her own civil ceremony in 2021, Bandlamudi wore a white dress purchased from Anthropologie. Afterwards, she and her loved ones gathered together in the couple’s Richmond apartment, with takeout Indian pizza for catering. She even made her own gingerbread wedding cake.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For some couples, the emotional stress of weddings, the costs, the planning, the constant wondering of what other people and families are going to think can burden them. But, Bandlamudi said, “it’s \u003cem>your wedding\u003c/em>.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She recommended that couples focus on what that day means to them: “Is it the vibes? Is it the music? Is that the food?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once you and your partner have discussed the elements that truly matter to you, “focus on that, make it really special,” advised Bandlamudi.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>And finally: The serious questions to think about when planning your speedy wedding\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Will you and your new spouse be sharing health benefits?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Getting married is considered a “qualifying event,” Levy said, when an insurance policy can be changed. And technically, health benefits held through an employer — or through Covered California, the state’s own marketplace through the Affordable Care Act — “can be applied to the other spouse immediately upon marriage,” they said.[aside postID=news_12058992 hero='https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/CAT-%E2%80%94-DatingPan_Thumbnail-2000x1125.jpg']Generally, Levy said, employer-sponsored healthcare and Covered California will be granted retroactively to the date of the marriage, and for \u003ca href=\"https://www.coveredca.com/marketing-blog/just-married-health-insurance-for-your-spouse-and-you/\">Covered California\u003c/a>, you can enroll up to 60 days after the marriage. But “practically speaking, it may not actually go into effect \u003cem>immediately \u003c/em>because there’s always some lag time for the paperwork to process,” they added.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Bear in mind that some large employers are obligated to cover dependents with health care but \u003ca href=\"https://www.coveredca.com/marketing-blog/just-married-health-insurance-for-your-spouse-and-you/\">not a spouse\u003c/a>, and that you should always check these details before your marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you are on \u003ca href=\"https://www.dhcs.ca.gov/Medi-Cal/Pages/update-information.aspx\">Medi-Cal\u003c/a>, you will need to report your marriage on BenefitsCal or to your county 10 days after the event.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Does one or both of you want to change your name? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rea said it is important for couples to consider if one or both spouses want to change their name, and to have made the decision before their marriage license appointment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If they do not do it right then and there, then they need to go to the courts to change it later,” Rea explained.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Keep in mind, you can’t \u003ca href=\"https://www.contracostavote.gov/countyclerk/ceremony-information/change-name-on-marriage-license/\">change your \u003cem>first \u003c/em>name\u003c/a> through this method, but you can change \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CHSI/CDPH%20Document%20Library/ADA_The%20Name%20Equality%20Act%20of%202007%20(01-18).pdf\">your last name\u003c/a> in the following ways:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>The current last name of the other spouse\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The last name of either spouse given at birth\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>A combination of last names\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>You can change \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CHSI/CDPH%20Document%20Library/ADA_The%20Name%20Equality%20Act%20of%202007%20(01-18).pdf\">your middle name\u003c/a> in the following ways:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>The current last name of either spouse\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The last name of either spouse given at birth\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>A combination of the current middle name and the current last name of the person or spouse\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>A combination of the current middle name and the birth last name of the person or spouse\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Neither party can completely drop an existing middle name.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the marriage ceremony, and after the marriage certificate is recorded with the county, you will then need to update your Social Security record and \u003ca href=\"https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/name-change/marriage\">your state and federal IDs\u003c/a>. To aid you, KQED has a thorough \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12029428/how-californians-can-start-changing-names-and-gender-markers-on-government-ids\">guide on name changes (and gender marker updates)\u003c/a> in California.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n",
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"excerpt": "There are many reasons couples choose to marry as quickly — and cheaply — as possible. From where to get your paperwork to the basic ceremony costs, here’s what to know.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>When I told KQED coworkers I was working on a guide to getting married quickly, my fundraising colleague Lilly Payne joked that she and her wife got married “for love and health insurance.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To be clear, the plan was always to \u003cem>get \u003c/em>married. “She’s the love of my life. She’s my favorite person,” Payne said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But she explained she had to accelerate her wedding plans in 2023 to be able to keep her then-fiancée insured before a big move the very same week. This rapid change in circumstance delayed the couple’s plan for a larger ceremony in favor of backyard vows conducted by an ordained neighbor, and witnessed by their friends and their dog, Oliver.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We didn’t have rings yet, but we had matching baseball caps,” Payne laughed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And while this quick approach was admittedly “not what we were expecting at all,” said Payne, the tradeoff of cementing the couple’s legal partnership for their joint health and happiness was, for them, worth it.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>When a speedy wedding feels right\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Payne was by no means alone in choosing to formalize a partnership earlier than originally planned for practical reasons. In the United States, where access to good healthcare is often tied to employment or marriage, \u003ca href=\"https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/living-single/202103/its-not-just-love-some-stay-married-the-health-insurance\">health insurance can be a large motivator\u003c/a> — as can financial pressures in general.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>People may choose elopements, that is, quicker or smaller ceremonies, for a variety of reasons, Sunnyvale \u003ca href=\"https://deniselillie.com/\">wedding planner\u003c/a> Denise Lillie said. She started seeing an increase in inquiries for these types of events during the height of the pandemic, when she observed many people wanting to make the commitment quickly — and celebrate later.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067145\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12067145 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251028-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-01_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Denise Lillie at San Francicsco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Lillie said planners like her have also received requests from LGBTQ+ couples concerned about the future of marriage equality.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even though the \u003ca href=\"https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/supreme-court-rejects-long-shot-effort-overturn-sex-marriage-ruling-rcna241113\">Supreme Court rejected the latest request\u003c/a> to overturn the U.S.’s landmark same-sex marriage ruling in early November, some couples have \u003ca href=\"https://time.com/7297484/obergefell-anniversary-trump-gay-marriage/\">expressed anxiety about the future of equal marriage\u003c/a> under President Donald Trump’s\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12023784/after-trumps-order-on-two-genders-trans-rights-groups-taking-action\"> second administration\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The aesthetics of a small, intimate wedding ceremony — sometimes followed up by a bigger party later down the line — has also gained in popularity among Gen-Z, Lillie said.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>And then, there are the undoubted financial pressures of the \u003ca href=\"https://www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/2024/05/22/wedding-planning-dress-cost-marriage-abbigail-shirk\">big traditional wedding\u003c/a>: According to \u003ca href=\"https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost\">a 2025 survey of around 17,000 couples by wedding website \u003cem>The Knot\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>, \u003c/em>the average cost of a wedding in the United States is $33,000. In San Francisco, it’s $51,500.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the midst of the holidays, also known as “engagement season” to wedding planners like Lillie, if you’re someone seeking to marry a partner as quickly and affordably as possible, you may be wondering: What are the logistics of getting married? What kind of paperwork do you actually need, and what are the timeframes — and costs?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Keep reading for the breakdown — and bear in mind that since the following doesn’t constitute legal advice, it’s always a good idea to speak to a lawyer about marriage licenses, name change options, finances and more when it comes to your own circumstances.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if you’re looking for specific ways to make a small, simple ceremony feel special, check out our \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12067194/san-francisco-city-hall-wedding-ceremony-how-to-plan-small-simple-marriage\">advice from wedding experts\u003c/a> for making the most of your intimate ceremony, with particular tips for getting married at San Francisco City Hall.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>The paperwork basics of getting married\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>To be formally married in California, you’ll need to obtain two documents:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>A marriage license\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>This document authorizes your marriage to take place in California.\u003c/p>\n\u003col start=\"2\">\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>A marriage certificate\u003c/strong>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>This document then acts as the proof of your marriage “through the county and state’s eyes,” said Alexis Levy, a San Francisco-based lawyer who is licensed to marry people in California.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Getting your marriage license\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>How do I get a marriage license in California?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A marriage license is essentially a permit to get married, although you won’t be legally married \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/get-marriage-license\">until you have a ceremony.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To obtain a license, both partners should already be unmarried and over 18. (\u003ca href=\"https://www.sdcourt.ca.gov/sdcourt/juvenile3/juvenilemarriagelicenses3#:~:text=California%20law%20requires%20a%20person,the%20discretion%20of%20the%20court.\">People under 18\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://smcacre.gov/county-clerk-recorder/applicant-cannot-physically-appear-person\">incarcerated\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://smcacre.gov/county-clerk-recorder/applicant-cannot-physically-appear-person\">hospitalized\u003c/a> or \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/information--special-case-weddings\">in active military duty\u003c/a> have separate procedures for getting married.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In California, the process for obtaining a marriage license varies by county, and you’ll often be asked to complete an application online before picking up the license.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12058872\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12058872\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/230808-SanFranciscoCityHall-23-BL_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/230808-SanFranciscoCityHall-23-BL_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/230808-SanFranciscoCityHall-23-BL_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/10/230808-SanFranciscoCityHall-23-BL_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">City Hall is reflected in the Veterans Building in San Francisco on Aug. 8, 2023. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>For example, in \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/get-marriage-license\">San Francisco\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://smcacre.gov/county-clerk-recorder/applying-marriage-license\">San Mateo\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.napacounty.gov/1327/Marriage-License-Ceremony\">Napa County\u003c/a>, you need to book an appointment to pick up your license. In \u003ca href=\"https://www.acgov.org/auditor/clerk/bdm/marrlic.htm\">Alameda County\u003c/a>, the process is done through \u003ca href=\"https://auditor.alamedacountyca.gov/clerk-recorder-marriage-services-virtual/\">a video conference call\u003c/a>. In \u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/marriage-birth-and-death/apply-marriage-license\">Santa Clara\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.contracostavote.gov/countyclerk/ceremony-information/\">Contra Costa\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.arcc.marincounty.gov/services/marriage-birth-and-death/applying-marriage-license\">Marin\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://sonomacounty.gov/administrative-support-and-fiscal-services/clerk-recorder-assessor/clerk-recorder/clerk-services/marriage-license\">Sonoma\u003c/a>, and \u003ca href=\"https://www.solanocounty.gov/government/treasurer-tax-collector-county-clerk/county-clerk/marriage-license\">Solano\u003c/a>, marriage licenses are issued on a walk-in basis only.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When going to the county clerk’s office to get your license, you usually will need to bring a valid government-issued ID. Both parties need to be present.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do I need to get a marriage license in the county I live in? Or the county I intend to get married in?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CHSI/Pages/Types-of-Marriage-Licenses-.aspx\">You can actually get a marriage license from any California county\u003c/a>, as long as your marriage ceremony takes place in California. You don’t have to live in that county or get married in that county.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This may offer you some convenience and flexibility if, for example, appointments for marriage licenses are scarce in the county you live in.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Are there different kinds of marriage licenses?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are two different types of licenses that a couple can obtain, which impact costs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Most couples choose what’s called a “\u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/marriage-birth-and-death/apply-marriage-license\"> public marriage license\u003c/a>,” which allows the marriage to be \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/get-marriage-license\">a public record\u003c/a> and requires a witness at the ceremony. These licenses cost around \u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/marriage-birth-and-death/apply-marriage-license\">$80\u003c/a> to \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/information--fees-county-clerk-services\">$127\u003c/a>, depending on the county. Most couples \u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/marriage-birth-and-death/apply-marriage-license\">opt for this license\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067155\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12067155\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1125\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/WeddingRings_qed-1200x675.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A pair of wedding rings on June 27, 2013. \u003ccite>(Christoph Edel/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>A “confidential marriage license” means that the marriage record is available \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/get-marriage-license\">only to the couple\u003c/a> or by \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CHSI/Pages/Types-of-Marriage-Licenses-.aspx\">court order from the same county\u003c/a>. These ceremonies require no witnesses, but the couple must also already \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/get-marriage-license\">live together\u003c/a> to be eligible for a confidential marriage license. These licenses typically cost a little more than public marriage licenses: For example, in \u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/marriage-birth-and-death/apply-marriage-license\">Santa Clara County\u003c/a>, the standard marriage license is $80, and the confidential marriage license is $83.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>How quickly can I get a marriage license? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It depends on how busy the office is, but an appointment for a license can take \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/step-by-step--get-married-san-francisco\">as little as \u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"https://www.solanocounty.gov/government/treasurer-tax-collector-county-clerk/county-clerk/marriage-license\">half an hour\u003c/a>. A \u003ca href=\"https://media.api.sf.gov/documents/2018_Public_Marriage_License_Application_09.13.18_nPUtUdp.pdf\">marriage license application\u003c/a> itself is around a page and a half.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The real key about the marriage license is to keep it safe,” San Francisco County Clerk Diane Rea said. “I know it looks like a piece of paper, but it becomes your record in the end.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She said there could be instances where the license could be rejected if it is ripped or has coffee stains, and you may have to buy it all over again.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Having a wedding ceremony and obtaining your marriage certificate\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>How quickly do we have to \u003cem>get \u003c/em>married after getting the license? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once you have the license, you must get married within \u003ca href=\"https://www.contracostavote.gov/countyclerk/ceremony-information/\">90 days of the date\u003c/a>, and if you don’t, you’ll need to obtain a new license.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you’re looking to really speed up the process, you could get married in the County Clerk-Recorder’s office on the same day, depending on the county. However, remember some counties will require some kind of \u003ca href=\"https://apps.smcacre.org/marsched/schedule.aspx\">booking\u003c/a> or appointment for \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/have-civil-marriage-or-domestic-partnership-ceremony-city-hall\">a civil ceremony\u003c/a>, so don’t necessarily expect to get a “walk-in wedding.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067535\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12067535 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED-67.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1334\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED-67.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED-67-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-04-KQED-67-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photographers pose their subjects for engagement and quinceañera photos on the grand staircase at San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025.\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>But, truly, as long as you have the necessary witnesses and someone qualified to officiate, a ceremony can be \u003cem>anywhere\u003c/em>: a backyard, a bar, a park, a movie theater.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Remember to bring the license and government identification to the ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do I need witnesses? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you have a public marriage license in California, \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CHSI/Pages/Marriage-Officiant-Frequently-Asked-Questions.aspx\">you need at least one witness and at most two witnesses\u003c/a>. They will sign your marriage certificate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Who can marry couples in California?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>According to \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displayText.xhtml?lawCode=FAM&division=3.&title=&part=3.&chapter=1.&article=\">California law\u003c/a>, a wedding officiant can be someone, such as a judge, specific county staff, religious figures like priests or rabbis or current and former elected officials.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://clerkrecorder.santaclaracounty.gov/services/become-one-day-deputy-commissioner\">some counties\u003c/a>, anyone can be \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/become-deputy-marriage-commissioner-day\">a marriage commissioner\u003c/a> for a day for a specific couple as long as they are over 18, fill out paperwork and are willing to take an oath to uphold the state and national constitutions. The price for this process ranges from county to county and could be around $80 to \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/information--fees-county-clerk-services\">$182\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Levy said the entities like \u003ca href=\"https://getordained.org/landing/get-ordained?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17232247909&gbraid=0AAAAADmMFGbYO-pl25X5g29z3BCIfgj12&gclid=CjwKCAjwxfjGBhAUEiwAKWPwDmoFDHZl8Cocq5vHjZw-uAOcF6kEPs-sy4e0ECVBXL5o4LwAPWW1BRoCEDoQAvD_BwE\">the Universal Life Church\u003c/a> — “which is basically a completely non-denominational, non-doctrinal church” — also allow people to get ordained and officiate weddings. While anyone over 18 can get ordained, there are specific rules to know for officiating a wedding. The Universal Life Church has \u003ca href=\"https://getordained.org/perform-a-marriage/california\">a guide on how to get ordained in the state of California\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12029447\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 2000px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12029447 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2000\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED.jpg 2000w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/03/250226-NAMEGENDERMARKERS-03-BL-KQED-1920x1280.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Attorney Alexis Levy poses for a portrait outside the Civic Center Courthouse in San Francisco on Feb. 26, 2025. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Does location matter?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As long as you get married in California, you do not need to get married in the county where you got your marriage license, said Levy, or the county where you live.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But if you want to get married in another \u003cem>state\u003c/em>, you should first get a marriage license in that state. For example, if you are having a Las Vegas wedding, you should obtain your marriage license in Nevada, since “their rules are very different than California’s,” cautioned Levy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>What paperwork do I need to do after the wedding? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Levy stressed that you must record the marriage certificate within 10 days of the wedding, with \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/step-by-step--get-married-san-francisco\">the county clerk where the certificate was issued\u003c/a>, which may well be a different county than the one in which you obtained your marriage license. Sometimes officiants will do the recording for you, which you should establish beforehand.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You should also request a copy of the marriage certificate from the county where it was issued.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>With all this in mind, what’s the lowest cost I could get married for?\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>For the basics, you should factor in:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>The cost of your marriage license, plus\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The cost of any civil ceremony in a city hall, plus\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The cost of any county official who’s marrying you\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The cost of obtaining a copy of your marriage certificate\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>For example, in \u003ca href=\"https://www.sf.gov/information--fees-county-clerk-services\">San Francisco County\u003c/a>, a public marriage license is $127, a civil marriage ceremony in the city hall is $111 and an additional copy of a marriage certificate is $17.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another example, in \u003ca href=\"https://smcacre.gov/county-clerk-recorder/marriage-fees\">San Mateo County\u003c/a>, a public marriage license is $79, and a civil marriage ceremony is $65. A deputized marriage commissioner is $60. A duplicate of the marriage certificate is $5.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_12067531\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1999px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-12067531 size-full\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-05-KQED_qed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1999\" height=\"1333\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-05-KQED_qed.jpg 1999w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-05-KQED_qed-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2025/12/251029-SWIFT-SHOWGIRL-MD-05-KQED_qed-1536x1024.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1999px) 100vw, 1999px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Echo Xi (right) and Colin Kou pose for engagement photos at San Francisco City Hall on Oct. 28, 2025. \u003ccite>(Martin do Nascimento/KQED)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“There [are] a lot of other costs that people associate with weddings. With rings and with outfits and venues and all that kind of stuff,” Levy said. “None of those are technically legally required to get married. They’re just common pieces of a wedding.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if they wish, couples can find many ways of keeping costs down with personal touches. KQED’s own Adhiti Bandlamudi echoed this advice for couples to work out what’s truly important to them for their own big day. When it came to her own civil ceremony in 2021, Bandlamudi wore a white dress purchased from Anthropologie. Afterwards, she and her loved ones gathered together in the couple’s Richmond apartment, with takeout Indian pizza for catering. She even made her own gingerbread wedding cake.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For some couples, the emotional stress of weddings, the costs, the planning, the constant wondering of what other people and families are going to think can burden them. But, Bandlamudi said, “it’s \u003cem>your wedding\u003c/em>.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She recommended that couples focus on what that day means to them: “Is it the vibes? Is it the music? Is that the food?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once you and your partner have discussed the elements that truly matter to you, “focus on that, make it really special,” advised Bandlamudi.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>And finally: The serious questions to think about when planning your speedy wedding\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Will you and your new spouse be sharing health benefits?\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Getting married is considered a “qualifying event,” Levy said, when an insurance policy can be changed. And technically, health benefits held through an employer — or through Covered California, the state’s own marketplace through the Affordable Care Act — “can be applied to the other spouse immediately upon marriage,” they said.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>Generally, Levy said, employer-sponsored healthcare and Covered California will be granted retroactively to the date of the marriage, and for \u003ca href=\"https://www.coveredca.com/marketing-blog/just-married-health-insurance-for-your-spouse-and-you/\">Covered California\u003c/a>, you can enroll up to 60 days after the marriage. But “practically speaking, it may not actually go into effect \u003cem>immediately \u003c/em>because there’s always some lag time for the paperwork to process,” they added.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Bear in mind that some large employers are obligated to cover dependents with health care but \u003ca href=\"https://www.coveredca.com/marketing-blog/just-married-health-insurance-for-your-spouse-and-you/\">not a spouse\u003c/a>, and that you should always check these details before your marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you are on \u003ca href=\"https://www.dhcs.ca.gov/Medi-Cal/Pages/update-information.aspx\">Medi-Cal\u003c/a>, you will need to report your marriage on BenefitsCal or to your county 10 days after the event.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Does one or both of you want to change your name? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rea said it is important for couples to consider if one or both spouses want to change their name, and to have made the decision before their marriage license appointment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If they do not do it right then and there, then they need to go to the courts to change it later,” Rea explained.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Keep in mind, you can’t \u003ca href=\"https://www.contracostavote.gov/countyclerk/ceremony-information/change-name-on-marriage-license/\">change your \u003cem>first \u003c/em>name\u003c/a> through this method, but you can change \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CHSI/CDPH%20Document%20Library/ADA_The%20Name%20Equality%20Act%20of%202007%20(01-18).pdf\">your last name\u003c/a> in the following ways:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>The current last name of the other spouse\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The last name of either spouse given at birth\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>A combination of last names\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>You can change \u003ca href=\"https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CHSI/CDPH%20Document%20Library/ADA_The%20Name%20Equality%20Act%20of%202007%20(01-18).pdf\">your middle name\u003c/a> in the following ways:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>The current last name of either spouse\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>The last name of either spouse given at birth\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>A combination of the current middle name and the current last name of the person or spouse\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>A combination of the current middle name and the birth last name of the person or spouse\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Neither party can completely drop an existing middle name.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the marriage ceremony, and after the marriage certificate is recorded with the county, you will then need to update your Social Security record and \u003ca href=\"https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/name-change/marriage\">your state and federal IDs\u003c/a>. To aid you, KQED has a thorough \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/12029428/how-californians-can-start-changing-names-and-gender-markers-on-government-ids\">guide on name changes (and gender marker updates)\u003c/a> in California.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"title": "California Child Bride Survivors Protest to Outlaw Underage Marriage",
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"headTitle": "California Child Bride Survivors Protest to Outlaw Underage Marriage | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cp>They stood on the steps of the state Capitol, in white bridal gowns and veils, their wrists chained together and their mouths taped shut.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They are survivors of forced and child marriages — and they want California to finally outlaw child brides.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“When I was 14 years old, my parents coerced me into marrying the 27-year-old pedophile who had been abusing me for two years because I became pregnant and it brought ‘shame’ to the family,” said Pat Abatemarco, who said she eventually escaped the marriage, with her daughter, with the help of a social worker.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thursday, she and others shared their stories of enduring gender-based violence, being forced to abandon their education, and becoming estranged from their families during the “chain-in” protest organized by \u003ca href=\"https://www.unchainedatlast.org/\">Unchained At Last\u003c/a>, a national advocacy nonprofit, to launch a campaign for the law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We are here in gowns and chains to demand an end to a human rights abuse and nightmarish legal trap that gives get-out-of-jail-free cards to child rapists,” said Fraidy Reiss, a forced marriage survivor who founded Unchained At Last. “What better way to urge legislators to take action than to show them what life looks like for those who are forced into marriage?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[pullquote size=\"medium\" align=\"right\" citation=\"Assemblymember Cottie Petrie-Norris (D-Irvine)\"]‘We like to think that here in California … we are ahead of the curve. But when it comes to child marriage, we aren’t leading, we aren’t even following. We are failing.’[/pullquote]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In California, you must be 18 to get a divorce. But there is no minimum age to get married, as long as a parent or guardian consent and a court gives permission. \u003ca href=\"https://www.unchainedatlast.org/child-marriage-progress/\">California is among just seven states, including New Mexico and Oklahoma, that does not have a minimum age for marriage.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Assemblymember \u003ca href=\"https://calmatters.org/legislator-tracker/cottie-petrie-norris-1975/\">Cottie Petrie-Norris\u003c/a>, an Irvine Democrat, plans to introduce legislation next year to end child marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We like to think that here in California … we are ahead of the curve,” she said. “But when it comes to child marriage, we aren’t leading, we aren’t even following. We are failing.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>A false start\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In 2017, California was on track to be the first state to pass an absolute ban on marriages for those younger than 18. However, due to opposition from the American Civil Liberties Union, the Children’s Law Center and Planned Parenthood, the bill proposed by then-Sen. Jerry Hill was watered down to add some safeguards\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>for child marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an opposition letter, the ACLU said that the bill “unnecessarily and unduly intrudes on the fundamental rights of marriage without sufficient cause,” while the Children’s Law Center said that “ … for some minors, the decision to marry is based on positive, pro-social factors and the marriage furthers their personal, short and long-term goals.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11953901\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1200px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-11953901\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02.jpg\" alt=\"Many women wearing wedding dresses and veils are seen on the steps of California's Capitol Building. One older woman with gray hair and glasses, is speaking from a podium. All the individuals in the photo wear a red stop sign on their chest that reads, "Stop Child Marriage in CA."\" width=\"1200\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02.jpg 1200w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-160x107.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Pat Abatemarco, a child marriage survivor, speaks during a press conference at the state Capitol in Sacramento on June 22, 2023. \u003ccite>(Rahul Lal/CalMatters)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Most research disputes the claims made by the Children’s Law Center. A review by the International Center for Research on Women found that \u003ca href=\"https://www.icrw.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/child-marriage-in-the-US-prevalence-impact_8-2020_ICRW.pdf\">married girls are more likely to drop out of school (PDF)\u003c/a> and less likely to complete college, more likely to live in poverty, and at greater risk of diabetes and cancer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s not at all about maturity,” Reiss said. “But what you wake up with on your 18th birthday, which is crucial, is the rights of adulthood,” she continued, including leaving home, renting an apartment, getting into a domestic violence shelter, or taking legal action.[pullquote size=\"medium\" align=\"right\" citation=\"Assemblymember Cottie Petrie-Norris (D-Irvine)\"]‘I am committed to ending this human rights abuse in California. One child forced into marriage is one too many.’[/pullquote]The U.S. State Department classifies forced marriage \u003ca href=\"https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/emergencies/forced-marriage.html\">as a human rights abuse\u003c/a>, while the International Labor Organization has called it \u003ca href=\"https://www.ilo.org/wcmsp5/groups/public/---dgreports/---dcomm/documents/publication/wcms_575479.pdf\">a form of modern slavery (PDF)\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The federal government considers marriage under the age of 18 in foreign countries a human rights abuse, yet it still remains legal right here in our own backyards,” Petrie-Norris said at the protest. “I am committed to ending this human rights abuse in California. One child forced into marriage is one too many.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Under California law, it’s statutory rape when an adult has sex with someone younger than 18 if they are not married. The crime is a misdemeanor or a felony, depending on the age difference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billTextClient.xhtml?bill_id=201720180SB273\">The law that eventually passed\u003c/a> in 2018 required a judge and Family Court Services to interview both parties to the marriage and a guardian to determine that coercion, child abuse and trafficking were not taking place.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://flo.uri.sh/visualisation/14225893/embed\" title=\"Interactive or visual content\" class=\"flourish-embed-iframe\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" style=\"width:100%;height:600px;\" sandbox=\"allow-same-origin allow-forms allow-scripts allow-downloads allow-popups allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox allow-top-navigation-by-user-activation\" width=\"100%\" height=\"500\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The law also required local registrars to begin reporting the number of marriage certificates issued to minors. Since 2019, the state has reported fewer than 20 child marriages.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But in 2021, about 8,800 15- to 17-year-olds in California reported being married in the previous 12 months to the U.S. Census, according to an analysis by Unchained At Last. The vast majority, but not all, are girls.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The group says that the huge difference in the numbers is because many registrars are not keeping track of child marriages.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>What other states are doing\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Since the limited 2018 law took effect in California, nine states have made the marriage age 18 with no exceptions: Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and Vermont. This week, Michigan’s Legislature \u003ca href=\"https://wwmt.com/news/local/michigan-child-marriage-ban-laws-legislation-house-senate-vote-approval-consent-18-age-minimum-license-bills-government-governor-gretchen-whitmer-policy-lansing-ingham-county\">voted to ban child marriage\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Protestors and advocates hope that California will be the eleventh state to ban child marriage with no exceptions. But a bill to do that has already been \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billVersionsCompareClient.xhtml?bill_id=202320240SB404&cversion=20230SB40499INT\">weakened in the current session\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Instead of setting a minimum marriage age, the bill now addresses some underage marriages that are done through spiritual ceremonies that are not legally recognized.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“While some — myself included — have concerns with minors getting married under any circumstances, California does have some guardrails to protect children,” the bill’s author, Sen. \u003ca href=\"https://calmatters.org/legislator-tracker/aisha-wahab-1987/\">Aisha Wahab\u003c/a>, a Fremont Democrat, said in a statement to CalMatters. “However, current law does not account for instances in which a third party arranges or officiates an underground marriage between a minor and another person, and that is what we are targeting with this bill.”[aside label='More Stories on California Law' tag='california-law']In May, the state Senate unanimously passed the amended \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billVotesClient.xhtml?bill_id=202320240SB404\">Senate Bill 404\u003c/a>, which would make it a misdemeanor for any person to knowingly sanction a religious union or unauthorized secular union between a minor and another person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While supporters say this proposal would strengthen California’s ability to protect children, some backers of the original bill said the current version could further harm children by criminalizing their families and communities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The survivors of forced marriage that we serve often have complicated relationships with the parents or communities who pressure them to marry,” the Tahirih Justice Center says in the bill analysis. “In many cases, even after facing significant abuse, they still love and value these social bonds and hope for reconciliation.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Unchained At Last also says the amended bill doesn’t address the real problem; it wants a minimum marriage age of 18. Thursday’s protest, similar to those held in other states, is the beginning of building a coalition in California, said Reiss. The group plans to sit down individually with legislators, to make the case for a law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“There are some human rights abuses we all agree are terrible, but we might not be able to eliminate them in our lifetime,” Reiss said. “But child marriage in California, we can end it, not only in our lifetime … [but] this year.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n",
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"title": "California Child Bride Survivors Protest to Outlaw Underage Marriage | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>They stood on the steps of the state Capitol, in white bridal gowns and veils, their wrists chained together and their mouths taped shut.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They are survivors of forced and child marriages — and they want California to finally outlaw child brides.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“When I was 14 years old, my parents coerced me into marrying the 27-year-old pedophile who had been abusing me for two years because I became pregnant and it brought ‘shame’ to the family,” said Pat Abatemarco, who said she eventually escaped the marriage, with her daughter, with the help of a social worker.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thursday, she and others shared their stories of enduring gender-based violence, being forced to abandon their education, and becoming estranged from their families during the “chain-in” protest organized by \u003ca href=\"https://www.unchainedatlast.org/\">Unchained At Last\u003c/a>, a national advocacy nonprofit, to launch a campaign for the law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We are here in gowns and chains to demand an end to a human rights abuse and nightmarish legal trap that gives get-out-of-jail-free cards to child rapists,” said Fraidy Reiss, a forced marriage survivor who founded Unchained At Last. “What better way to urge legislators to take action than to show them what life looks like for those who are forced into marriage?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "‘We like to think that here in California … we are ahead of the curve. But when it comes to child marriage, we aren’t leading, we aren’t even following. We are failing.’",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In California, you must be 18 to get a divorce. But there is no minimum age to get married, as long as a parent or guardian consent and a court gives permission. \u003ca href=\"https://www.unchainedatlast.org/child-marriage-progress/\">California is among just seven states, including New Mexico and Oklahoma, that does not have a minimum age for marriage.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Assemblymember \u003ca href=\"https://calmatters.org/legislator-tracker/cottie-petrie-norris-1975/\">Cottie Petrie-Norris\u003c/a>, an Irvine Democrat, plans to introduce legislation next year to end child marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We like to think that here in California … we are ahead of the curve,” she said. “But when it comes to child marriage, we aren’t leading, we aren’t even following. We are failing.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>A false start\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In 2017, California was on track to be the first state to pass an absolute ban on marriages for those younger than 18. However, due to opposition from the American Civil Liberties Union, the Children’s Law Center and Planned Parenthood, the bill proposed by then-Sen. Jerry Hill was watered down to add some safeguards\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>for child marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an opposition letter, the ACLU said that the bill “unnecessarily and unduly intrudes on the fundamental rights of marriage without sufficient cause,” while the Children’s Law Center said that “ … for some minors, the decision to marry is based on positive, pro-social factors and the marriage furthers their personal, short and long-term goals.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11953901\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1200px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-11953901\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02.jpg\" alt=\"Many women wearing wedding dresses and veils are seen on the steps of California's Capitol Building. One older woman with gray hair and glasses, is speaking from a podium. All the individuals in the photo wear a red stop sign on their chest that reads, "Stop Child Marriage in CA."\" width=\"1200\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02.jpg 1200w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2023/06/ChildBridesCM02-160x107.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Pat Abatemarco, a child marriage survivor, speaks during a press conference at the state Capitol in Sacramento on June 22, 2023. \u003ccite>(Rahul Lal/CalMatters)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Most research disputes the claims made by the Children’s Law Center. A review by the International Center for Research on Women found that \u003ca href=\"https://www.icrw.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/child-marriage-in-the-US-prevalence-impact_8-2020_ICRW.pdf\">married girls are more likely to drop out of school (PDF)\u003c/a> and less likely to complete college, more likely to live in poverty, and at greater risk of diabetes and cancer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s not at all about maturity,” Reiss said. “But what you wake up with on your 18th birthday, which is crucial, is the rights of adulthood,” she continued, including leaving home, renting an apartment, getting into a domestic violence shelter, or taking legal action.\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "‘I am committed to ending this human rights abuse in California. One child forced into marriage is one too many.’",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>The U.S. State Department classifies forced marriage \u003ca href=\"https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/emergencies/forced-marriage.html\">as a human rights abuse\u003c/a>, while the International Labor Organization has called it \u003ca href=\"https://www.ilo.org/wcmsp5/groups/public/---dgreports/---dcomm/documents/publication/wcms_575479.pdf\">a form of modern slavery (PDF)\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The federal government considers marriage under the age of 18 in foreign countries a human rights abuse, yet it still remains legal right here in our own backyards,” Petrie-Norris said at the protest. “I am committed to ending this human rights abuse in California. One child forced into marriage is one too many.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Under California law, it’s statutory rape when an adult has sex with someone younger than 18 if they are not married. The crime is a misdemeanor or a felony, depending on the age difference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billTextClient.xhtml?bill_id=201720180SB273\">The law that eventually passed\u003c/a> in 2018 required a judge and Family Court Services to interview both parties to the marriage and a guardian to determine that coercion, child abuse and trafficking were not taking place.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://flo.uri.sh/visualisation/14225893/embed\" title=\"Interactive or visual content\" class=\"flourish-embed-iframe\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" style=\"width:100%;height:600px;\" sandbox=\"allow-same-origin allow-forms allow-scripts allow-downloads allow-popups allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox allow-top-navigation-by-user-activation\" width=\"100%\" height=\"500\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The law also required local registrars to begin reporting the number of marriage certificates issued to minors. Since 2019, the state has reported fewer than 20 child marriages.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But in 2021, about 8,800 15- to 17-year-olds in California reported being married in the previous 12 months to the U.S. Census, according to an analysis by Unchained At Last. The vast majority, but not all, are girls.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The group says that the huge difference in the numbers is because many registrars are not keeping track of child marriages.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>What other states are doing\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Since the limited 2018 law took effect in California, nine states have made the marriage age 18 with no exceptions: Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and Vermont. This week, Michigan’s Legislature \u003ca href=\"https://wwmt.com/news/local/michigan-child-marriage-ban-laws-legislation-house-senate-vote-approval-consent-18-age-minimum-license-bills-government-governor-gretchen-whitmer-policy-lansing-ingham-county\">voted to ban child marriage\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Protestors and advocates hope that California will be the eleventh state to ban child marriage with no exceptions. But a bill to do that has already been \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billVersionsCompareClient.xhtml?bill_id=202320240SB404&cversion=20230SB40499INT\">weakened in the current session\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Instead of setting a minimum marriage age, the bill now addresses some underage marriages that are done through spiritual ceremonies that are not legally recognized.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“While some — myself included — have concerns with minors getting married under any circumstances, California does have some guardrails to protect children,” the bill’s author, Sen. \u003ca href=\"https://calmatters.org/legislator-tracker/aisha-wahab-1987/\">Aisha Wahab\u003c/a>, a Fremont Democrat, said in a statement to CalMatters. “However, current law does not account for instances in which a third party arranges or officiates an underground marriage between a minor and another person, and that is what we are targeting with this bill.”\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>In May, the state Senate unanimously passed the amended \u003ca href=\"https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billVotesClient.xhtml?bill_id=202320240SB404\">Senate Bill 404\u003c/a>, which would make it a misdemeanor for any person to knowingly sanction a religious union or unauthorized secular union between a minor and another person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While supporters say this proposal would strengthen California’s ability to protect children, some backers of the original bill said the current version could further harm children by criminalizing their families and communities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The survivors of forced marriage that we serve often have complicated relationships with the parents or communities who pressure them to marry,” the Tahirih Justice Center says in the bill analysis. “In many cases, even after facing significant abuse, they still love and value these social bonds and hope for reconciliation.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Unchained At Last also says the amended bill doesn’t address the real problem; it wants a minimum marriage age of 18. Thursday’s protest, similar to those held in other states, is the beginning of building a coalition in California, said Reiss. The group plans to sit down individually with legislators, to make the case for a law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“There are some human rights abuses we all agree are terrible, but we might not be able to eliminate them in our lifetime,” Reiss said. “But child marriage in California, we can end it, not only in our lifetime … [but] this year.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cp>I moved to the Bay Area in January 2020, before the pandemic was a glimmer in our collective eye. I had left most of my friends and family back home on the East Coast and grew lonely soon after moving out West. Then the pandemic hit and we all started sheltering in place, which didn’t make things easier.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the next few months of isolation, I hung out with my new California roommates and spent lots of digital FaceTime with my family and friends, but I longed to be in a relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In August 2020, a recently married cousin suggested I download Hinge, a popular dating app. I was skeptical. Were people still dating in lockdown? How would we go on a date with everything closed? What if I got COVID? With so many questions, I decided to create some ground rules.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>First, I would have to meet any guy over FaceTime first. Not only did FaceTime provide a safe meeting option, but it allowed me to see how the guy responded to potentially awkward situations. Video chats can be clumsy and tiring, but I figured if the guy could carry on a conversation and it didn’t feel like yet another Zoom meeting for work, maybe there was something there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Second, I was going to pay close attention to how each guy interacted with me through the app. I even created a spreadsheet. I found it hard, after swiping left and right on countless profiles, to keep track of who was genuinely interested in me and, more importantly, who I was genuinely interested in. I kept notes on what we talked about, whether we talked throughout the week, and of course, whether the man I was talking to was open to meeting over FaceTime first.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some guys disqualified themselves by insisting on meeting in person first. Other guys who did agree to meet on FaceTime clearly hadn’t showered for days and weren’t taking care of themselves in the pandemic. A third subset didn’t actually want to talk to me — they wanted a person to talk \u003ci>at\u003c/i>, not \u003ci>with\u003c/i>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Finally, after about 30 duds, I met Shaishav. He DM’d me on the app, exclaiming how brave I appeared to be in one of my pictures where \u003ca href=\"https://www.wunc.org/environment/2019-10-29/reporters-notebook-spider-season-doesnt-have-to-be-scary\">I’m holding a tarantula and conquering my fears\u003c/a>. We exchanged pleasantries and small talk, and the conversation began to flow effortlessly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896070\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11896070 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A shot over the shoulder of a woman who was holding up a cell phone, talking on a video camera app with a man who is smiling.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I was wary of meeting strangers in person when I started dating in a pandemic, so my first date with Shaishav was over a FaceTime call. To our surprise, the conversation flowed effortlessly. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>He played the guitar, was a fan of the Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel and Pink Floyd, and was an avid reader, just like me. He had immigrated from Mumbai five years ago to work for a tech company in San Francisco. Above all, he was warm and put me at ease. At times, I forgot I was on a date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I learned that he lived with his family, who had also recently moved here, and had to be careful about COVID because he didn’t want to infect his parents. We agreed to meet up in person a few days after our video chat, but we wanted to remain masked and meet outdoors. He suggested a hike in Golden Gate Park.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896071\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11896071 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A man in a black jacket and dark pants waves as he walks. He has black hair and wears a COVID mask, with grass and trees behind him. A woman is in the front right of the frame turned away from the camera, blurred.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">On a fall afternoon in 2020, I met Shaishav for a first date in Golden Gate Park. We couldn’t see each other clearly through our masks, but I was already attracted to him. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Our date just happened to be on one of the hottest days of the 2020 summer heat wave. I showed up in biker shorts, an old T-shirt and good hiking shoes. To my horror, he wore a T-shirt and slacks. But if Shaishav was appalled or surprised by the dress code mismatch, he said nothing about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We walked throughout the park and talked about everything: our families, how we ended up in the Bay Area, our work, hobbies and passions. Soon, it was dusk and he suggested we watch the sunset at Lands End, not too far from where we were. The lookout spot was incredibly romantic, teeming with couples holding each other. I expected Shaishav to make a move, to grasp my hand or put his arm around my shoulders. But he didn’t. He didn’t try anything and I found it so refreshing. We watched the sunset together as if we were old friends watching the sunset after a long walk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Toward the end of the date, we decided to grab a burrito for dinner and eat outside, six feet apart. It was only then I saw his full face under the glow of a streetlamp. Months after that date, I asked Shaishav how he felt after that date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I was like, ‘Man, I have to wait a whole week — eight days to see her again?’” he said. “Because I wanted to see you again, just to get to know you, to talk to you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I drove back home feeling giddy and excited, but tried to keep my expectations low. After so many years of failed relationships and heartaches, I didn’t want to fall too fast or move too quickly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is why I believe the pandemic worked in our favor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dating in a pandemic means you have to be honest with yourself about whether the person you’re talking to is worth risking your health to hang out with. Keeping our distance, Shaishav and I had to rely on conversation to keep the mood going.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We shared embarrassing stories from our past and were vulnerable with each other quickly into our relationship. We talked about our past relationships, what went wrong and what we were looking for. And we had to get creative to find safe, \u003ci>outdoor\u003c/i> activities to do together, like going for a walk in Shoreline Park in Mountain View or going to the farmers market in the San Francisco Ferry Building.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896072\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11896072 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A man and woman stand, backs turned to the camera, in front of a pond. The couple are turned to each other as if they're talking.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Shaishav and I became exclusive a couple months after our first date. We felt it was safer to hang out outdoors, so we had to get creative for date-night activities, like walking around a park or going to a farmers market. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“As we started talking about music and our lives and you being genuinely interested in my background, that’s when it started to solidify for me,” Shaishav said.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Telling the parents\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>A couple months in, we became exclusive — and started talking about the future. Both sets of parents were first-generation Indian immigrants. My parents immigrated back in the ’80s and Shaishav’s parents just five years ago. We were fully aware that the minute we told our parents about each other, they would start planning the wedding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sure enough, when I traveled back to Georgia in November to tell my parents about him, the planning began.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“All said and done, I’m an Asian parent,” my mother told me. “You tell me you met someone in your life who is special to you, I’m three steps ahead of you!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My parents had a million questions: Where is he from? Is he employed? How tall is he? Is he a vegetarian? My mom, Aarati, says the fact that Shaishav was Indian was not a huge selling point for her, but she was impressed he had immigrated here, pulled himself up and was supporting himself.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Then COVID surged\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>After Thanksgiving, I traveled back to the Bay Are,a where COVID infection rates were rising. Remember, this was a time before vaccines were widely available. Shaishav and I decided to be more careful spending time together because we didn’t want to infect each other. That, and my roommate started throwing unmasked holiday parties in our apartment. Eventually, perhaps inevitably, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11857567/how-to-talk-to-your-roommates-about-covid-19-when-theyre-still-hosting-parties\">I contracted COVID\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I was sick for two weeks after New Year’s, but the symptoms seemed to last forever. I got winded standing up, and walking down the hall to the bathroom felt like a trek up Mount Everest. The body aches kept me up at night, and I had trouble breathing deeply because my chest felt so heavy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shaishav wanted to come to my apartment and nurse me back to health, but given that his parents were living with him, I couldn’t risk him getting sick, too, and infecting the whole family. Instead, he insisted on dropping off groceries and food to my apartment. He drove down from San Francisco to San José every other day to bring me food and wave to me from outside my window. When he wasn’t driving to see me, he was calling day and night asking me to check my temperature and making sure I was eating properly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time I recovered, I felt we had gone through something monumental together. It was a make-or-break experience that made me sure I wanted to move forward. In February, I decided to introduce Shaishav to my parents over FaceTime.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The FaceTime chat went spectacularly well. My mom and Shaishav grew up in Mumbai and swapped stories about the streets they walked down, the train stations they used to commute and the street foods you could only find in the city. Soon after that video chat, I was taking a COVID test and waiting for a negative result to meet Shaishav’s parents in San Francisco.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inevitably, the conversation between all six of us turned to marriage. Now that their children had found someone special, both sets of parents wanted to find an auspicious date to perform an engagement ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Hindu tradition, setting a date for an important event like an engagement or wedding is not so simple as to pick which dates the desired venue is available. You have to consult a priest who will provide a set of dates based on a calculation of the changing constellation patterns of my birthplace and date, and Shaishav’s birthplace and date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The priest chose June 20 for the engagement ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But at this point, my parents had yet to meet Shaishav in person, and I wanted to get my parents’ blessing before making the ultimate decision of making him my husband.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896073\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11896073 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A portrait of an engagement ring sitting atop a black covid mask, laying on grass. \" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">My relationship with Shaishav was moving at light speed and he hadn’t even met my parents yet. I wanted them to meet Shaishav in person and give me their blessing before moving forward with an engagement. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>So in April, about seven months after Shaishav and I started dating, we took COVID tests and got on a plane to Georgia. We created a COVID-safe plan. We would meet my parents briefly in the airport and then drive to my parents’ cabin in the North Georgia mountains to quarantine. Only after getting a negative COVID result would we drive back down to the Atlanta suburbs, where my parents live, so Shaishav could meet them and spend time with my family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shaishav and I both realized our relationship was moving quickly — so quickly that it was hard to take stock of exactly how we felt about each other — and whether we were sure we wanted to move forward. I talked to Shaishav that afternoon, after arriving in the cabin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Who you spend your life with is a really big question and one question I always had was, ‘How will I know when I’m sure?’” Shaishav said. “And interestingly, I feel like I never had that question with you. That was a real seal of approval that if I don’t feel like asking that question when I’m with you, that probably means I’m so comfortable.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The feeling was mutual. Even though we’d only known each other for half a year, I could see so clearly that I wanted to marry him, that when I was with him, I wanted to stay with him. He met my parents, brother and sister in April and they all loved him. We received their blessing to move forward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a windy Saturday afternoon in May, Shaishav and I were back in the Bay Area and we returned to our first date spot at Lands End for a hike. He led me to a small alcove off the side of the trail, got down on one knee and proposed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896074\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11896074 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"The happy couple pose in a vertical seflie, smiling at the camera, with Adhiti brandishing her engagement ring on her hand for the camera.\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-800x1067.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1020x1360.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-160x213.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Shaishav and I got engaged on May 22, 2021, at Lands End in San Francisco. \u003ccite>(Adhiti Bandlamudi/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Our families, elated, consulted with a priest to set our marriage date, which will be on Memorial Day weekend of 2022. But before that ceremony, which will feature traditions from my family’s Andhra heritage and Shaishav’s Gujarati heritage, we got married in San Francisco City Hall on Nov. 15.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that we’re vaccinated, we have started carefully stepping out into the world for the first time together, as husband and wife. It feels … strange.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are so many experiences we’ve never shared because of the pandemic: concerts, dining in a restaurant, going to the movies and parties. It’s all new to us, but now we get to explore it all together.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>I moved to the Bay Area in January 2020, before the pandemic was a glimmer in our collective eye. I had left most of my friends and family back home on the East Coast and grew lonely soon after moving out West. Then the pandemic hit and we all started sheltering in place, which didn’t make things easier.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the next few months of isolation, I hung out with my new California roommates and spent lots of digital FaceTime with my family and friends, but I longed to be in a relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In August 2020, a recently married cousin suggested I download Hinge, a popular dating app. I was skeptical. Were people still dating in lockdown? How would we go on a date with everything closed? What if I got COVID? With so many questions, I decided to create some ground rules.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>First, I would have to meet any guy over FaceTime first. Not only did FaceTime provide a safe meeting option, but it allowed me to see how the guy responded to potentially awkward situations. Video chats can be clumsy and tiring, but I figured if the guy could carry on a conversation and it didn’t feel like yet another Zoom meeting for work, maybe there was something there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Second, I was going to pay close attention to how each guy interacted with me through the app. I even created a spreadsheet. I found it hard, after swiping left and right on countless profiles, to keep track of who was genuinely interested in me and, more importantly, who I was genuinely interested in. I kept notes on what we talked about, whether we talked throughout the week, and of course, whether the man I was talking to was open to meeting over FaceTime first.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some guys disqualified themselves by insisting on meeting in person first. Other guys who did agree to meet on FaceTime clearly hadn’t showered for days and weren’t taking care of themselves in the pandemic. A third subset didn’t actually want to talk to me — they wanted a person to talk \u003ci>at\u003c/i>, not \u003ci>with\u003c/i>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Finally, after about 30 duds, I met Shaishav. He DM’d me on the app, exclaiming how brave I appeared to be in one of my pictures where \u003ca href=\"https://www.wunc.org/environment/2019-10-29/reporters-notebook-spider-season-doesnt-have-to-be-scary\">I’m holding a tarantula and conquering my fears\u003c/a>. We exchanged pleasantries and small talk, and the conversation began to flow effortlessly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896070\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11896070 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A shot over the shoulder of a woman who was holding up a cell phone, talking on a video camera app with a man who is smiling.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/022_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">I was wary of meeting strangers in person when I started dating in a pandemic, so my first date with Shaishav was over a FaceTime call. To our surprise, the conversation flowed effortlessly. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>He played the guitar, was a fan of the Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel and Pink Floyd, and was an avid reader, just like me. He had immigrated from Mumbai five years ago to work for a tech company in San Francisco. Above all, he was warm and put me at ease. At times, I forgot I was on a date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I learned that he lived with his family, who had also recently moved here, and had to be careful about COVID because he didn’t want to infect his parents. We agreed to meet up in person a few days after our video chat, but we wanted to remain masked and meet outdoors. He suggested a hike in Golden Gate Park.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896071\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11896071 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A man in a black jacket and dark pants waves as he walks. He has black hair and wears a COVID mask, with grass and trees behind him. A woman is in the front right of the frame turned away from the camera, blurred.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/010_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">On a fall afternoon in 2020, I met Shaishav for a first date in Golden Gate Park. We couldn’t see each other clearly through our masks, but I was already attracted to him. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Our date just happened to be on one of the hottest days of the 2020 summer heat wave. I showed up in biker shorts, an old T-shirt and good hiking shoes. To my horror, he wore a T-shirt and slacks. But if Shaishav was appalled or surprised by the dress code mismatch, he said nothing about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We walked throughout the park and talked about everything: our families, how we ended up in the Bay Area, our work, hobbies and passions. Soon, it was dusk and he suggested we watch the sunset at Lands End, not too far from where we were. The lookout spot was incredibly romantic, teeming with couples holding each other. I expected Shaishav to make a move, to grasp my hand or put his arm around my shoulders. But he didn’t. He didn’t try anything and I found it so refreshing. We watched the sunset together as if we were old friends watching the sunset after a long walk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Toward the end of the date, we decided to grab a burrito for dinner and eat outside, six feet apart. It was only then I saw his full face under the glow of a streetlamp. Months after that date, I asked Shaishav how he felt after that date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I was like, ‘Man, I have to wait a whole week — eight days to see her again?’” he said. “Because I wanted to see you again, just to get to know you, to talk to you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I drove back home feeling giddy and excited, but tried to keep my expectations low. After so many years of failed relationships and heartaches, I didn’t want to fall too fast or move too quickly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is why I believe the pandemic worked in our favor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dating in a pandemic means you have to be honest with yourself about whether the person you’re talking to is worth risking your health to hang out with. Keeping our distance, Shaishav and I had to rely on conversation to keep the mood going.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We shared embarrassing stories from our past and were vulnerable with each other quickly into our relationship. We talked about our past relationships, what went wrong and what we were looking for. And we had to get creative to find safe, \u003ci>outdoor\u003c/i> activities to do together, like going for a walk in Shoreline Park in Mountain View or going to the farmers market in the San Francisco Ferry Building.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896072\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11896072 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A man and woman stand, backs turned to the camera, in front of a pond. The couple are turned to each other as if they're talking.\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/012_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Shaishav and I became exclusive a couple months after our first date. We felt it was safer to hang out outdoors, so we had to get creative for date-night activities, like walking around a park or going to a farmers market. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>“As we started talking about music and our lives and you being genuinely interested in my background, that’s when it started to solidify for me,” Shaishav said.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Telling the parents\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>A couple months in, we became exclusive — and started talking about the future. Both sets of parents were first-generation Indian immigrants. My parents immigrated back in the ’80s and Shaishav’s parents just five years ago. We were fully aware that the minute we told our parents about each other, they would start planning the wedding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sure enough, when I traveled back to Georgia in November to tell my parents about him, the planning began.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“All said and done, I’m an Asian parent,” my mother told me. “You tell me you met someone in your life who is special to you, I’m three steps ahead of you!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My parents had a million questions: Where is he from? Is he employed? How tall is he? Is he a vegetarian? My mom, Aarati, says the fact that Shaishav was Indian was not a huge selling point for her, but she was impressed he had immigrated here, pulled himself up and was supporting himself.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Then COVID surged\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>After Thanksgiving, I traveled back to the Bay Are,a where COVID infection rates were rising. Remember, this was a time before vaccines were widely available. Shaishav and I decided to be more careful spending time together because we didn’t want to infect each other. That, and my roommate started throwing unmasked holiday parties in our apartment. Eventually, perhaps inevitably, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11857567/how-to-talk-to-your-roommates-about-covid-19-when-theyre-still-hosting-parties\">I contracted COVID\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I was sick for two weeks after New Year’s, but the symptoms seemed to last forever. I got winded standing up, and walking down the hall to the bathroom felt like a trek up Mount Everest. The body aches kept me up at night, and I had trouble breathing deeply because my chest felt so heavy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shaishav wanted to come to my apartment and nurse me back to health, but given that his parents were living with him, I couldn’t risk him getting sick, too, and infecting the whole family. Instead, he insisted on dropping off groceries and food to my apartment. He drove down from San Francisco to San José every other day to bring me food and wave to me from outside my window. When he wasn’t driving to see me, he was calling day and night asking me to check my temperature and making sure I was eating properly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time I recovered, I felt we had gone through something monumental together. It was a make-or-break experience that made me sure I wanted to move forward. In February, I decided to introduce Shaishav to my parents over FaceTime.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The FaceTime chat went spectacularly well. My mom and Shaishav grew up in Mumbai and swapped stories about the streets they walked down, the train stations they used to commute and the street foods you could only find in the city. Soon after that video chat, I was taking a COVID test and waiting for a negative result to meet Shaishav’s parents in San Francisco.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inevitably, the conversation between all six of us turned to marriage. Now that their children had found someone special, both sets of parents wanted to find an auspicious date to perform an engagement ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Hindu tradition, setting a date for an important event like an engagement or wedding is not so simple as to pick which dates the desired venue is available. You have to consult a priest who will provide a set of dates based on a calculation of the changing constellation patterns of my birthplace and date, and Shaishav’s birthplace and date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The priest chose June 20 for the engagement ceremony.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But at this point, my parents had yet to meet Shaishav in person, and I wanted to get my parents’ blessing before making the ultimate decision of making him my husband.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896073\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11896073 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"A portrait of an engagement ring sitting atop a black covid mask, laying on grass. \" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-800x533.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1020x680.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-160x107.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/026_SanFrancisco_AdhitiShaishav_09162021.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">My relationship with Shaishav was moving at light speed and he hadn’t even met my parents yet. I wanted them to meet Shaishav in person and give me their blessing before moving forward with an engagement. \u003ccite>(Beth LaBerge/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>So in April, about seven months after Shaishav and I started dating, we took COVID tests and got on a plane to Georgia. We created a COVID-safe plan. We would meet my parents briefly in the airport and then drive to my parents’ cabin in the North Georgia mountains to quarantine. Only after getting a negative COVID result would we drive back down to the Atlanta suburbs, where my parents live, so Shaishav could meet them and spend time with my family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shaishav and I both realized our relationship was moving quickly — so quickly that it was hard to take stock of exactly how we felt about each other — and whether we were sure we wanted to move forward. I talked to Shaishav that afternoon, after arriving in the cabin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Who you spend your life with is a really big question and one question I always had was, ‘How will I know when I’m sure?’” Shaishav said. “And interestingly, I feel like I never had that question with you. That was a real seal of approval that if I don’t feel like asking that question when I’m with you, that probably means I’m so comfortable.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The feeling was mutual. Even though we’d only known each other for half a year, I could see so clearly that I wanted to marry him, that when I was with him, I wanted to stay with him. He met my parents, brother and sister in April and they all loved him. We received their blessing to move forward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a windy Saturday afternoon in May, Shaishav and I were back in the Bay Area and we returned to our first date spot at Lands End for a hike. He led me to a small alcove off the side of the trail, got down on one knee and proposed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_11896074\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-11896074 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-800x1067.jpg\" alt=\"The happy couple pose in a vertical seflie, smiling at the camera, with Adhiti brandishing her engagement ring on her hand for the camera.\" width=\"800\" height=\"1067\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-800x1067.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1020x1360.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-160x213.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2021/11/Engagement-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Shaishav and I got engaged on May 22, 2021, at Lands End in San Francisco. \u003ccite>(Adhiti Bandlamudi/ KQED News)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Our families, elated, consulted with a priest to set our marriage date, which will be on Memorial Day weekend of 2022. But before that ceremony, which will feature traditions from my family’s Andhra heritage and Shaishav’s Gujarati heritage, we got married in San Francisco City Hall on Nov. 15.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that we’re vaccinated, we have started carefully stepping out into the world for the first time together, as husband and wife. It feels … strange.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are so many experiences we’ve never shared because of the pandemic: concerts, dining in a restaurant, going to the movies and parties. It’s all new to us, but now we get to explore it all together.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"slug": "love-in-the-digital-age-gomathi-prashanth",
"title": "Love in the Digital Age: Gomathi & Prashanth",
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"headTitle": "Love in the Digital Age: Gomathi & Prashanth | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cp>In India, middle-class couples used to find each other and marry through family connections, a marriage broker or by way of a newspaper ad. Today, they — and their counterparts around the world — are just as likely to use any one of an explosion of matrimonial websites, some with apps for your smartphone. Two of the largest sites are \u003ca href=\"http://www.shaadi.com/\">\u003cu>Shaadi.com\u003c/u>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"http://www.bharatmatrimony.com/\">\u003cu>Bharatmatrimony.com\u003c/u>\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689918\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-10689918\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1-400x710.jpg\" alt=\"Screen shot from the iPhone app.\" width=\"200\" height=\"355\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1-400x710.jpg 400w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Screen shot from the iPhone app. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of BharatMatrimony)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>A growing number of the profiles on these sites are written by the hopeful wedding seekers themselves, but those with a more traditional mindset will allow their parents to write them. That was the case for Gomathi Ramakrishnan and her husband, Prashanth Vishnumangalam Narayanan:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Gomathi: She’s intelligent…pursing her Master’s in Canada…she’s homely and traditional…plays Badminton…she’s cute. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Prashanth: He’s an Iyer Brahmin…he doesn’t eat meat…he doesn’t drink. He’s a good boy. He’s done his bachelor’s, he’s done his master’s, and he’s based out of California.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Gomathi\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>About three years ago, Gomathi was 22 years old and working to complete a master’s degree in neuroscience at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, Canada. One day her father called from her hometown of Chennai in southern India. “We’re going to put up a profile for you on Bharatmatrimony.com,” he said matter-of-factly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"callout alignright\">\n\u003cp>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"http://u.s.kqed.net/2015/09/14/LITDApodcastlogo.jpg\" alt=\"\">\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/love-in-the-digital-age/id1037051180?mt=2\">Subscribe in iTunes\u003c/a>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Don’t miss an episode of ‘Love in the Digital Age’\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Gomathi delights in sharing what happened next. “He started entering \u003cem>his\u003c/em> profile information. He typed his name, he typed his age, and he typed all stuff about him.” In retrospect, she figures he probably thought he was registering, as opposed to creating a profile. But the error became apparent when the first bite of interest came from an older woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My dad was like, ‘Why is someone who is 50 years old giving information for my daughter?’ ” Gomathi giggles.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A tech-savvy cousin soon came to the rescue — and now Gomathi was on the hot seat. “Within two weeks, he [her father] came back with a list of 15 guys. I was really overwhelmed!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She demurred, but her dad insisted, and then begged her to at least call his favorite: Prashanth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Prashanth\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth Vishnumangalam Narayanan was 27, a Fremont resident and established consultant on supply chain management for PricewaterhouseCoopers in San Jose, when he started getting curious calls from his mother in Chennai.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10694743\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 361px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10694743\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/GomathiPrashanthVERT.jpg\" alt=\"Gomathi and Prashanth\" width=\"361\" height=\"554\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gomathi and Prashanth\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>She told him women were expressing interest in getting to know him better, which made no sense, until she admitted she’d posted a profile of him online. Soon after, she sent him a list of 25 matches. And she hardly let the matter rest there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I had my mom’s sister call me and say, ‘This is the right time to talk.’ Then I had my grandma call me and say, ‘This is the right time to talk.’ Then my dad, then everybody, decided to take turns calling me, and say, ‘This is the right time to talk,’ ” says Prashanth. It was obvious he had to talk to somebody, soon. He had to name at least one candidate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth chose Gomathi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Semi-Arranged Marriage\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even though their parents wrote the profiles, picked the candidates and met each other before giving the go-ahead to Gomathi and Prashanth, they call the process that led to their wedding \u003cem>semi-arranged. \u003c/em>That’s because they did get to pick who to talk to, and they got to talk for nine months before settling on each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth explains, “I got introduced to the person I was getting married to through family relations and connections, and they established the connection through a digital website. But then we talked, and we really understood each other, and we got married. I had my freedom, and she had her freedom.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That said, even with the freedom to choose over time, they still felt pressure to come to a decision eventually.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=”SkD29tNEiyVCEFchT7DTtN443eU0BTSA”]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Had Gomathi and Prashanth not liked each other, they would have worked through match No. 2, No. 3 — and so on — until they agreed to somebody their parents found suitable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gomathi says the two sets of parents got along really well. “Based on their hard work, they were able to come up in life,” she says. “That was something, that both of them have mutual respect for each other. That was something that I also wanted in the person that I was going to marry.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then came the first phone call. “I remember Gomathi being the one who asked a lot more questions than me asking her,” says Prashanth, laughing. “She was like, ‘Who’s your favorite actress? Who’s your favorite actor? What movies do you like?’ I found her to be very full of energy.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple began phoning, texting and talking on FaceTime regularly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After a few months, Prashanth and Gomathi decided to meet in Canada. The gravity of it all hit Prashanth as he went through the airport in Edmonton. When the visa officer asked him the purpose of his visit, he said he was going to see “a friend.” A friend he had never met, perhaps his future wife. Prashanth had seen Gomathi only virtually, and he scanned the airport for her. “She seemed small. And I was like, “I’ve seen her before.’ Then I realized: That’s Gomathi!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689853\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-10689853 size-medium\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"Gomathi and Prashanth at home in Fremont, California\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-800x600.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-400x300.jpg 400w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1440x1080.jpg 1440w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-960x720.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gomathi and Prashanth at home in Fremont, California \u003ccite>(Polly Stryker/KQED )\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Gomathi remembers, “It felt really odd, because you have spoken to this person over the phone, but you haven’t met the other person.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They spent a long weekend getting to know each other: going out to eat, taking walks, watching the movie “Brave.” When Gomathi cried during the film, Prashanth felt touched by her empathy with the characters. But by the time he left Canada, Gomathi had not made a decision.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I felt kind of sad,” Prashanth says. “I thought, initially, I wasn’t emotionally invested, but I learned that I’d been \u003cem>heavily\u003c/em> emotionally invested.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You need to understand the person really well before getting married,” Gomathi says, “because it’s a one-time thing, and you just don’t want to screw it up. You just don’t want to make a decision until you know, ‘Yes, this is it!’ ”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth’s mother urged him to talk to other matches from Bharat Matrimony. He told her he wasn’t interested.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple talked for several more months. Gomathi says her love for Prashanth “deepened more when I realized who Prashanth was and what sort of a guy he was. When I was able to trust him, I really fell for him. I know in my heart that he has high moral standards. That was the point that I came to when I decided, ‘Yes, I should get engaged to Prashanth.’ ”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It didn’t hurt that Prashanth plays a mean game of badminton, Gomathi’s favorite sport. The wedding was on. Their families organized a lavish three-day event that took place in Chennai on June 28, 2013.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Fremont, Capital of Indian California\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Today, Gomathi and Prashanth live in Fremont, home to a large and growing population of immigrants from India, filled with bustling Indian restaurants and stores. \u003ca href=\"http://politicalscience.ucr.edu/people/faculty/ramakrishnan/\">\u003cu>Karthick Ramakrishnan\u003c/u>\u003c/a> (no relation to Gomathi), professor of Public Policy at UC Riverside, says that Indian immigration more than doubled in Silicon Valley between 2000-2014.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689913\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-10689913 size-medium\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-800x667.jpg\" alt='Indian population size and growth in Alameda and Santa Clara counties from 2000-2014, according to the U.S. Census, as distinct from the \"Other Asian\" category.' width=\"800\" height=\"667\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-800x667.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-400x333.jpg 400w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-1440x1200.jpg 1440w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut.jpg 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-1180x983.jpg 1180w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-960x800.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Indian population size and growth in Alameda and Santa Clara counties from 2000-2014, according to the U.S. Census, as distinct from the “Other Asian” category. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Professor Karthick Ramakrishnan)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>That shift is reflected in the number of Californians on Indian matrimonial websites. Shaadi’s chief marketing officer, \u003ca href=\"http://brandequity.economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/the-people-report/aditya-save-is-shaadi-coms-new-cmo-anupam-mittal-steps-down-as-ceo/48013510\">\u003cu>\u003cspan style=\"color: #0000ff\">Aditya Save\u003c/span>\u003c/u>\u003c/a>, says approximately 200,000 accounts are registered to people living in the state. He adds that the platform is used mostly by South Asians — and not just first-generation immigrants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of our platform is used by people of Indian origin, born in the U.S., the UK and Australia. A larger percentage of that 200,000 (in California) would be people who are American citizens, born in America, but of Indian descent,” he says. For those spouse seekers, Save says it’s more likely they’ll set up their own profiles, as opposed to letting their parents do it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Today, Gomathi Ramakrishnan co-manages a neuroscience lab at UC San Francisco. Prashanth still works at PricewaterhouseCoopers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Their lives as newlyweds are filled with pleasures they enjoy together: playing badminton, watching TV shows like “\u003ca href=\"http://www.hbo.com/game-of-thrones\">\u003cu>Game of Thrones\u003c/u>\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://www.hbo.com/game-of-thrones\">”\u003c/a> and eating ice cream at \u003ca href=\"mailto:https://www.coldstonecreamery.com\">\u003cu>Cold Stone Creamery\u003c/u>\u003c/a>. Gomathi isn’t shy when she explains how she and Prashanth found compatibility first, allowing love to follow after.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Love doesn’t happen one sudden day,” she says. “It takes a really long time. I feel like we are still falling in love.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;font-family: Calibri\">\u003cem>This podcast features music by Karthick Iyer (“Brovabarama” and “Manavyalakim”).\u003c/em> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In India, middle-class couples used to find each other and marry through family connections, a marriage broker or by way of a newspaper ad. Today, they — and their counterparts around the world — are just as likely to use any one of an explosion of matrimonial websites, some with apps for your smartphone. Two of the largest sites are \u003ca href=\"http://www.shaadi.com/\">\u003cu>Shaadi.com\u003c/u>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"http://www.bharatmatrimony.com/\">\u003cu>Bharatmatrimony.com\u003c/u>\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689918\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 200px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-10689918\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1-400x710.jpg\" alt=\"Screen shot from the iPhone app.\" width=\"200\" height=\"355\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1-400x710.jpg 400w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16723_BharatMatrimony.com_.PNG-qut1.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Screen shot from the iPhone app. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of BharatMatrimony)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>A growing number of the profiles on these sites are written by the hopeful wedding seekers themselves, but those with a more traditional mindset will allow their parents to write them. That was the case for Gomathi Ramakrishnan and her husband, Prashanth Vishnumangalam Narayanan:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Gomathi: She’s intelligent…pursing her Master’s in Canada…she’s homely and traditional…plays Badminton…she’s cute. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Prashanth: He’s an Iyer Brahmin…he doesn’t eat meat…he doesn’t drink. He’s a good boy. He’s done his bachelor’s, he’s done his master’s, and he’s based out of California.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Gomathi\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>About three years ago, Gomathi was 22 years old and working to complete a master’s degree in neuroscience at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, Canada. One day her father called from her hometown of Chennai in southern India. “We’re going to put up a profile for you on Bharatmatrimony.com,” he said matter-of-factly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"callout alignright\">\n\u003cp>\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"http://u.s.kqed.net/2015/09/14/LITDApodcastlogo.jpg\" alt=\"\">\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/love-in-the-digital-age/id1037051180?mt=2\">Subscribe in iTunes\u003c/a>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Don’t miss an episode of ‘Love in the Digital Age’\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Gomathi delights in sharing what happened next. “He started entering \u003cem>his\u003c/em> profile information. He typed his name, he typed his age, and he typed all stuff about him.” In retrospect, she figures he probably thought he was registering, as opposed to creating a profile. But the error became apparent when the first bite of interest came from an older woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“My dad was like, ‘Why is someone who is 50 years old giving information for my daughter?’ ” Gomathi giggles.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A tech-savvy cousin soon came to the rescue — and now Gomathi was on the hot seat. “Within two weeks, he [her father] came back with a list of 15 guys. I was really overwhelmed!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She demurred, but her dad insisted, and then begged her to at least call his favorite: Prashanth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Prashanth\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth Vishnumangalam Narayanan was 27, a Fremont resident and established consultant on supply chain management for PricewaterhouseCoopers in San Jose, when he started getting curious calls from his mother in Chennai.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10694743\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 361px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10694743\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/GomathiPrashanthVERT.jpg\" alt=\"Gomathi and Prashanth\" width=\"361\" height=\"554\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gomathi and Prashanth\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>She told him women were expressing interest in getting to know him better, which made no sense, until she admitted she’d posted a profile of him online. Soon after, she sent him a list of 25 matches. And she hardly let the matter rest there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I had my mom’s sister call me and say, ‘This is the right time to talk.’ Then I had my grandma call me and say, ‘This is the right time to talk.’ Then my dad, then everybody, decided to take turns calling me, and say, ‘This is the right time to talk,’ ” says Prashanth. It was obvious he had to talk to somebody, soon. He had to name at least one candidate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth chose Gomathi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Semi-Arranged Marriage\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even though their parents wrote the profiles, picked the candidates and met each other before giving the go-ahead to Gomathi and Prashanth, they call the process that led to their wedding \u003cem>semi-arranged. \u003c/em>That’s because they did get to pick who to talk to, and they got to talk for nine months before settling on each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth explains, “I got introduced to the person I was getting married to through family relations and connections, and they established the connection through a digital website. But then we talked, and we really understood each other, and we got married. I had my freedom, and she had her freedom.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That said, even with the freedom to choose over time, they still felt pressure to come to a decision eventually.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Had Gomathi and Prashanth not liked each other, they would have worked through match No. 2, No. 3 — and so on — until they agreed to somebody their parents found suitable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gomathi says the two sets of parents got along really well. “Based on their hard work, they were able to come up in life,” she says. “That was something, that both of them have mutual respect for each other. That was something that I also wanted in the person that I was going to marry.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then came the first phone call. “I remember Gomathi being the one who asked a lot more questions than me asking her,” says Prashanth, laughing. “She was like, ‘Who’s your favorite actress? Who’s your favorite actor? What movies do you like?’ I found her to be very full of energy.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple began phoning, texting and talking on FaceTime regularly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After a few months, Prashanth and Gomathi decided to meet in Canada. The gravity of it all hit Prashanth as he went through the airport in Edmonton. When the visa officer asked him the purpose of his visit, he said he was going to see “a friend.” A friend he had never met, perhaps his future wife. Prashanth had seen Gomathi only virtually, and he scanned the airport for her. “She seemed small. And I was like, “I’ve seen her before.’ Then I realized: That’s Gomathi!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689853\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-10689853 size-medium\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-800x600.jpg\" alt=\"Gomathi and Prashanth at home in Fremont, California\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-800x600.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-400x300.jpg 400w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1440x1080.jpg 1440w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-1180x885.jpg 1180w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/Gomathi-Prashanth-960x720.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gomathi and Prashanth at home in Fremont, California \u003ccite>(Polly Stryker/KQED )\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Gomathi remembers, “It felt really odd, because you have spoken to this person over the phone, but you haven’t met the other person.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They spent a long weekend getting to know each other: going out to eat, taking walks, watching the movie “Brave.” When Gomathi cried during the film, Prashanth felt touched by her empathy with the characters. But by the time he left Canada, Gomathi had not made a decision.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I felt kind of sad,” Prashanth says. “I thought, initially, I wasn’t emotionally invested, but I learned that I’d been \u003cem>heavily\u003c/em> emotionally invested.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You need to understand the person really well before getting married,” Gomathi says, “because it’s a one-time thing, and you just don’t want to screw it up. You just don’t want to make a decision until you know, ‘Yes, this is it!’ ”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prashanth’s mother urged him to talk to other matches from Bharat Matrimony. He told her he wasn’t interested.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple talked for several more months. Gomathi says her love for Prashanth “deepened more when I realized who Prashanth was and what sort of a guy he was. When I was able to trust him, I really fell for him. I know in my heart that he has high moral standards. That was the point that I came to when I decided, ‘Yes, I should get engaged to Prashanth.’ ”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It didn’t hurt that Prashanth plays a mean game of badminton, Gomathi’s favorite sport. The wedding was on. Their families organized a lavish three-day event that took place in Chennai on June 28, 2013.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Fremont, Capital of Indian California\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Today, Gomathi and Prashanth live in Fremont, home to a large and growing population of immigrants from India, filled with bustling Indian restaurants and stores. \u003ca href=\"http://politicalscience.ucr.edu/people/faculty/ramakrishnan/\">\u003cu>Karthick Ramakrishnan\u003c/u>\u003c/a> (no relation to Gomathi), professor of Public Policy at UC Riverside, says that Indian immigration more than doubled in Silicon Valley between 2000-2014.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10689913\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-10689913 size-medium\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-800x667.jpg\" alt='Indian population size and growth in Alameda and Santa Clara counties from 2000-2014, according to the U.S. Census, as distinct from the \"Other Asian\" category.' width=\"800\" height=\"667\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-800x667.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-400x333.jpg 400w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-1440x1200.jpg 1440w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut.jpg 1920w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-1180x983.jpg 1180w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2015/09/RS16712_aapidata-kqed-infog-southbay-qut-960x800.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Indian population size and growth in Alameda and Santa Clara counties from 2000-2014, according to the U.S. Census, as distinct from the “Other Asian” category. \u003ccite>(Courtesy of Professor Karthick Ramakrishnan)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>That shift is reflected in the number of Californians on Indian matrimonial websites. Shaadi’s chief marketing officer, \u003ca href=\"http://brandequity.economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/the-people-report/aditya-save-is-shaadi-coms-new-cmo-anupam-mittal-steps-down-as-ceo/48013510\">\u003cu>\u003cspan style=\"color: #0000ff\">Aditya Save\u003c/span>\u003c/u>\u003c/a>, says approximately 200,000 accounts are registered to people living in the state. He adds that the platform is used mostly by South Asians — and not just first-generation immigrants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of our platform is used by people of Indian origin, born in the U.S., the UK and Australia. A larger percentage of that 200,000 (in California) would be people who are American citizens, born in America, but of Indian descent,” he says. For those spouse seekers, Save says it’s more likely they’ll set up their own profiles, as opposed to letting their parents do it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Today, Gomathi Ramakrishnan co-manages a neuroscience lab at UC San Francisco. Prashanth still works at PricewaterhouseCoopers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Their lives as newlyweds are filled with pleasures they enjoy together: playing badminton, watching TV shows like “\u003ca href=\"http://www.hbo.com/game-of-thrones\">\u003cu>Game of Thrones\u003c/u>\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://www.hbo.com/game-of-thrones\">”\u003c/a> and eating ice cream at \u003ca href=\"mailto:https://www.coldstonecreamery.com\">\u003cu>Cold Stone Creamery\u003c/u>\u003c/a>. Gomathi isn’t shy when she explains how she and Prashanth found compatibility first, allowing love to follow after.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Love doesn’t happen one sudden day,” she says. “It takes a really long time. I feel like we are still falling in love.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;font-family: Calibri\">\u003cem>This podcast features music by Karthick Iyer (“Brovabarama” and “Manavyalakim”).\u003c/em> \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>http://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/tcrmag/2014/05/2014-05-30b-tcrmag.mp3\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>People being held in federal custody awaiting deportation have no legal right to a public defender. But they can in some cases marry a U.S. citizen or legal resident while in immigration detention. Marriage might stop a detainee’s deportation, but it’s no guarantee the newlyweds will live happily ever after.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Immigration and Customs Enforcement detention center in the Mojave Desert town of Adelanto may not be the most romantic place on earth, with its antiseptic cream-colored walls and armed guards marching detainees down long corridors.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But amid the clatter of security doors and ankle shackles at this remote lockup two hours east of L.A., there is also the occasional peal of wedding bells.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Well, not actual wedding bells but definitely the exchange of wedding vows. The warden at Adelanto, who preferred to speak on background only, says marriages are fairly common. He’d approved several in recent weeks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco attorney Zach Nightingale has represented a number of clients who have tied the knot in ICE detention. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unfortunately, sometimes it’s in a visiting room where it’s through a glass partition,” says Nightingale. “I’ve seen them done sometimes in a courtroom setting. Usually it’s a free space that they have.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are strict guidelines for in-detention marriages. ICE reviews the case and, if approved, gives the warden the OK. After the warden signs off, the facility chaplain takes over.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Only people considered “essential” to the wedding can attend. There were just four people in Yu Wang’s wedding party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“At that time my wife, my attorney and the pastor,” says Wang.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Chinese national got picked up by immigration authorities two years ago after overstaying a student visa. He was studying massage therapy. He’d also fallen in love with an American woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple had no immediate plans to marry. Wang’s detention changed that. While being held at an ICE facility near San Diego he applied for an in-custody marriage. According to ICE guidelines, detainees should get a response within 30 days. Wang says he heard nothing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I pushed ICE and filled out the application,” says Wang. “And after two or three months, there is no response. That is why we used (a different) procedure”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10140880\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 400px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/09/ICEOfficer.jpg\">\u003cimg src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/09/ICEOfficer-400x429.jpg\" alt=\"An Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer guards a group of immigrants waiting to be deported. (Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images)\" width=\"400\" height=\"429\" class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-10140880\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">An Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer guards a group of immigrants waiting to be deported. (Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>With deportation looming, Wang’s attorney, Brian Jiang, found an outside pastor to come to the facility and discreetly conduct the ceremony during regular visiting hours.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“As long as the pastor is authorized to perform ceremonies and as long as he saw two people together, that is all he needed,” says Jiang.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If you wanted to have it done inside the detention center by their own chaplain, once someone in the chain of command says ‘no,’ then it’s not going to happen.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are lots of reasons for wanting to go to such lengths to get married while in ICE detention. There is, of course, the most obvious; love. And if you marry a U.S. citizen, you can stay in the U.S … right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That is certainly a drastic overstatement of the law,” says attorney Zach Nightingale.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>However, in some cases marriage may provide a shield from deportation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Immigration law revolves around a key concept of family unification,” explains Nightingale.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And so, if a U.S. citizen marries a spouse, they can generally apply to sponsor that spouse to be granted lawful permanent residence, otherwise known as a green card.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone like Yu Wang, for example, who overstayed a visa, could be eligible for a green card.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Attorney Christina Lee tells us about another man, a former client. We’ll call him Roberto. He came to the U.S. from Mexico as a tourist with his family when he was a child — and overstayed his visa.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Roberto, now in his early 30s, got picked up by authorities over alleged gang ties. He was never charged. But his expired visa was exposed and he was detained.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“He was living with his girlfriend and they were planning on getting married and actually inviting family members and having it in a church,” says Lee.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unfortunately, he was detained, so his marriage was the key to his case.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because Roberto, like Yu Wang, entered the U.S. legally, he could apply for an adjustment of status upon marrying. So he and his wife were wed while he was in immigration detention. But a honeymoon would have to wait. It took another seven months before Roberto was granted a green card and released.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> “The marriage is only the very first step because then, after they got married, immigration is going to look at whether or not this marriage is a real marriage or not,” says Lee.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“So then I had to document all this evidence to show that this is client that’s been in this relationship for years and they planned on getting married at some point, maybe not this soon.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Roberto is now living with his wife in Arizona. Christina Lee says such “happy endings” are rare. Most people facing deportation crossed into the U.S. without a visa. That means they can’t get legal by getting married.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And I’m all for love,” laughs Lee. But in most cases she’s leery of assisting a detainee get married while in custody.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If I thought legally it was a tool that would add to their case, I would definitely do it,” says Lee. “But usually they are in there for some kind of violation, and so merely getting married would not always add a benefit.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yu Wang was released from detention after being wed. But before papers could be filed and approved to adjust his legal status to that of a permanent resident, he was detained again by ICE in San Francisco and deported back to China.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Oh my gosh, this is horrible actually,” says Wang by phone from his home in central China.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m (the sole) supporter. If I am deported there are no other people who can support my daughter and my wife. I don’t know how long (until) I will return back to America.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It could be a very long time. Now that he’s outside the U.S., Wang faces an enormous hurdle: a 10-year bar for re-entry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The only way to avoid that is to secure a waiver by convincing authorities that his wife will suffer extreme and unusual hardship if he is not allowed to return.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That’s a claim that even Wang’s own attorney says could be very difficult to prove with or without a wedding ring.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>San Francisco attorney Zach Nightingale has represented a number of clients who have tied the knot in ICE detention. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unfortunately, sometimes it’s in a visiting room where it’s through a glass partition,” says Nightingale. “I’ve seen them done sometimes in a courtroom setting. Usually it’s a free space that they have.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are strict guidelines for in-detention marriages. ICE reviews the case and, if approved, gives the warden the OK. After the warden signs off, the facility chaplain takes over.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Only people considered “essential” to the wedding can attend. There were just four people in Yu Wang’s wedding party.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“At that time my wife, my attorney and the pastor,” says Wang.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Chinese national got picked up by immigration authorities two years ago after overstaying a student visa. He was studying massage therapy. He’d also fallen in love with an American woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The couple had no immediate plans to marry. Wang’s detention changed that. While being held at an ICE facility near San Diego he applied for an in-custody marriage. According to ICE guidelines, detainees should get a response within 30 days. Wang says he heard nothing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I pushed ICE and filled out the application,” says Wang. “And after two or three months, there is no response. That is why we used (a different) procedure”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_10140880\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 400px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/09/ICEOfficer.jpg\">\u003cimg src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/09/ICEOfficer-400x429.jpg\" alt=\"An Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer guards a group of immigrants waiting to be deported. (Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images)\" width=\"400\" height=\"429\" class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-10140880\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">An Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer guards a group of immigrants waiting to be deported. (Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>With deportation looming, Wang’s attorney, Brian Jiang, found an outside pastor to come to the facility and discreetly conduct the ceremony during regular visiting hours.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“As long as the pastor is authorized to perform ceremonies and as long as he saw two people together, that is all he needed,” says Jiang.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If you wanted to have it done inside the detention center by their own chaplain, once someone in the chain of command says ‘no,’ then it’s not going to happen.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There are lots of reasons for wanting to go to such lengths to get married while in ICE detention. There is, of course, the most obvious; love. And if you marry a U.S. citizen, you can stay in the U.S … right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“That is certainly a drastic overstatement of the law,” says attorney Zach Nightingale.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>However, in some cases marriage may provide a shield from deportation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Immigration law revolves around a key concept of family unification,” explains Nightingale.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And so, if a U.S. citizen marries a spouse, they can generally apply to sponsor that spouse to be granted lawful permanent residence, otherwise known as a green card.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone like Yu Wang, for example, who overstayed a visa, could be eligible for a green card.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Attorney Christina Lee tells us about another man, a former client. We’ll call him Roberto. He came to the U.S. from Mexico as a tourist with his family when he was a child — and overstayed his visa.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Roberto, now in his early 30s, got picked up by authorities over alleged gang ties. He was never charged. But his expired visa was exposed and he was detained.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“He was living with his girlfriend and they were planning on getting married and actually inviting family members and having it in a church,” says Lee.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unfortunately, he was detained, so his marriage was the key to his case.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because Roberto, like Yu Wang, entered the U.S. legally, he could apply for an adjustment of status upon marrying. So he and his wife were wed while he was in immigration detention. But a honeymoon would have to wait. It took another seven months before Roberto was granted a green card and released.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> “The marriage is only the very first step because then, after they got married, immigration is going to look at whether or not this marriage is a real marriage or not,” says Lee.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“So then I had to document all this evidence to show that this is client that’s been in this relationship for years and they planned on getting married at some point, maybe not this soon.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Roberto is now living with his wife in Arizona. Christina Lee says such “happy endings” are rare. Most people facing deportation crossed into the U.S. without a visa. That means they can’t get legal by getting married.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“And I’m all for love,” laughs Lee. But in most cases she’s leery of assisting a detainee get married while in custody.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If I thought legally it was a tool that would add to their case, I would definitely do it,” says Lee. “But usually they are in there for some kind of violation, and so merely getting married would not always add a benefit.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yu Wang was released from detention after being wed. But before papers could be filed and approved to adjust his legal status to that of a permanent resident, he was detained again by ICE in San Francisco and deported back to China.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Oh my gosh, this is horrible actually,” says Wang by phone from his home in central China.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’m (the sole) supporter. If I am deported there are no other people who can support my daughter and my wife. I don’t know how long (until) I will return back to America.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It could be a very long time. Now that he’s outside the U.S., Wang faces an enormous hurdle: a 10-year bar for re-entry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The only way to avoid that is to secure a waiver by convincing authorities that his wife will suffer extreme and unusual hardship if he is not allowed to return.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126374\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1028px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8757_IMG_7836-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-large wp-image-126374\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8757_IMG_7836-lpr-1028x771.jpg\" alt=\"A flower stand on Shattuck Avenue in North Berkeley is all ready for Valentine's Day.\" width=\"1028\" height=\"771\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A flower stand on Shattuck Avenue in North Berkeley is all ready for Valentine’s Day. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Anyone who thinks that love can’t be quantified should talk to the U.S. Census Bureau.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The numbers-crunchers in Washington have produced enough data and statistics about Valentine’s Day to obliterate any hint of a romantic tinge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Still, the Census Bureau tries. In fact, it suggests quite a few places in the country that would be appropriate venues for Valentine’s Day observances, including Romeoville in Illinois, Valentine in Nebraska, Love Valley in North Carolina and Darling in Minnesota.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These revelations are part of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/\">“Facts for Features” \u003c/a>series produced by the \u003ca href=\"https://www.census.gov\">Census Bureau,\u003c/a> which covers about 15 themes a year – ranging from the Super Bowl and hurricane season to the Fourth of July and Halloween.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126375\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 1028px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8758_IMG_7849-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-large wp-image-126375 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8758_IMG_7849-lpr-1028x771.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1028\" height=\"771\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Red-and-pink balloons could be found in North Berkeley’s Gourmet Ghetto. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Although there are lots of facts and figures to wallow through, most are interesting and some are startling.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Census Bureau reported that 69 percent of people 15 and older in the United States in 2013 had been married at some point in their lives. As of two years ago, 19 percent of them have been married twice and 5 percent three or more times. But 75 percent have tied the knot only once, countering the widespread notion that divorce is rampant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some of those unions have, in fact, lasted a long time. As of 2009, 6 percent of currently wed women had been married for at least 50 years. The median age for a first marriage last year was 26.6 for women and 29 for men.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To keep those marriages going, candy, jewelry and flowers are always useful, and the Census Bureau took a look at how those particular enticements have been doing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Bureau reported that California led the nation three years ago, with 122 manufacturing establishments that produced chocolate and cocoa — a $13.5 billion industry in this country in 2011. The state also was ahead of the pack in making non-chocolate confectionary products, with 56 businesses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There were almost 23,400 jewelry stores in the United States three years ago. Last February, they sold an estimated $2.8 billion in merchandise. By comparison, there were about 15,300 florists in 2011. And last year alone, through October, the total value of fresh-cut roses amounted to almost $355 million.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, it’s clear that the accoutrements of romance add up to big business, not that anyone would doubt it, especially this month. Equally unsurprising: In 2011, Nevada was the most popular state as far as places to get married, followed by Hawaii.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Beyond its usual outpouring of data, the Census Bureau even had something to say about where the day originated:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Opinions differ as to who was the original Valentine, but the most popular theory is that he was a clergyman who was executed for secretly marrying couples in ancient Rome. In A.D. 496, Pope Gelasius I declared Feb. 14 as Valentine Day. Esther Howland, a native of Massachusetts, is given credit for selling the first mass-produced Valentine cards in the 1840s.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Facts for Features” covered \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff03.html\">Black History Month\u003c/a> as well this February. \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff05.html\">Women’s History Month\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff02.html\">St. Patrick’s Day\u003c/a> are coming up in March. April appears to be completely uneventful, but May is the Census Bureau’s most prolific time of year, given Mother’s Day, Cinco de Mayo, Older Americans Month and Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126373\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 771px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8756_IMG_7834-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-large wp-image-126373\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8756_IMG_7834-lpr-771x1028.jpg\" alt=\"Red-and-pink balloons could be found on Shattuck Avenue and on Vine Street in North Berkeley's Gourmet Ghetto.\" width=\"771\" height=\"1028\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">This is the window of a lingerie shop on Vine Street in North Berkeley. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126374\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1028px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8757_IMG_7836-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-large wp-image-126374\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8757_IMG_7836-lpr-1028x771.jpg\" alt=\"A flower stand on Shattuck Avenue in North Berkeley is all ready for Valentine's Day.\" width=\"1028\" height=\"771\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">A flower stand on Shattuck Avenue in North Berkeley is all ready for Valentine’s Day. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Anyone who thinks that love can’t be quantified should talk to the U.S. Census Bureau.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The numbers-crunchers in Washington have produced enough data and statistics about Valentine’s Day to obliterate any hint of a romantic tinge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Still, the Census Bureau tries. In fact, it suggests quite a few places in the country that would be appropriate venues for Valentine’s Day observances, including Romeoville in Illinois, Valentine in Nebraska, Love Valley in North Carolina and Darling in Minnesota.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These revelations are part of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/\">“Facts for Features” \u003c/a>series produced by the \u003ca href=\"https://www.census.gov\">Census Bureau,\u003c/a> which covers about 15 themes a year – ranging from the Super Bowl and hurricane season to the Fourth of July and Halloween.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126375\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 1028px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8758_IMG_7849-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-large wp-image-126375 \" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8758_IMG_7849-lpr-1028x771.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1028\" height=\"771\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Red-and-pink balloons could be found in North Berkeley’s Gourmet Ghetto. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Although there are lots of facts and figures to wallow through, most are interesting and some are startling.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Census Bureau reported that 69 percent of people 15 and older in the United States in 2013 had been married at some point in their lives. As of two years ago, 19 percent of them have been married twice and 5 percent three or more times. But 75 percent have tied the knot only once, countering the widespread notion that divorce is rampant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some of those unions have, in fact, lasted a long time. As of 2009, 6 percent of currently wed women had been married for at least 50 years. The median age for a first marriage last year was 26.6 for women and 29 for men.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To keep those marriages going, candy, jewelry and flowers are always useful, and the Census Bureau took a look at how those particular enticements have been doing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Bureau reported that California led the nation three years ago, with 122 manufacturing establishments that produced chocolate and cocoa — a $13.5 billion industry in this country in 2011. The state also was ahead of the pack in making non-chocolate confectionary products, with 56 businesses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There were almost 23,400 jewelry stores in the United States three years ago. Last February, they sold an estimated $2.8 billion in merchandise. By comparison, there were about 15,300 florists in 2011. And last year alone, through October, the total value of fresh-cut roses amounted to almost $355 million.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So, it’s clear that the accoutrements of romance add up to big business, not that anyone would doubt it, especially this month. Equally unsurprising: In 2011, Nevada was the most popular state as far as places to get married, followed by Hawaii.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Beyond its usual outpouring of data, the Census Bureau even had something to say about where the day originated:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Opinions differ as to who was the original Valentine, but the most popular theory is that he was a clergyman who was executed for secretly marrying couples in ancient Rome. In A.D. 496, Pope Gelasius I declared Feb. 14 as Valentine Day. Esther Howland, a native of Massachusetts, is given credit for selling the first mass-produced Valentine cards in the 1840s.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Facts for Features” covered \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff03.html\">Black History Month\u003c/a> as well this February. \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff05.html\">Women’s History Month\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb14-ff02.html\">St. Patrick’s Day\u003c/a> are coming up in March. April appears to be completely uneventful, but May is the Census Bureau’s most prolific time of year, given Mother’s Day, Cinco de Mayo, Older Americans Month and Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_126373\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 771px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8756_IMG_7834-lpr.jpg\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-large wp-image-126373\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2014/02/RS8756_IMG_7834-lpr-771x1028.jpg\" alt=\"Red-and-pink balloons could be found on Shattuck Avenue and on Vine Street in North Berkeley's Gourmet Ghetto.\" width=\"771\" height=\"1028\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">This is the window of a lingerie shop on Vine Street in North Berkeley. (Patricia Yollin/KQED)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>Well, that didn't take long.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_72927\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 159px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/08/Salvatore-Cordileone1.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-72927\" title=\"Salvatore Cordileone\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/08/Salvatore-Cordileone1-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"159\" height=\"198\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Salvatore Cordileone (QvisDevs)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>When Salvatore Cordileone took over as the Catholic archbishop of San Francisco, \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2012/07/27/sfs-new-archbishop-sees-the-evil-one-in-gay-marriage/\">academics I interviewed\u003c/a> said he might pressure churches that welcome lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people. They noted that he has campaigned actively against same-sex marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That was July 27. Now, reports are surfacing that Most Holy Redeemer, a Catholic church in San Francisco's Castro neighborhood, is falling in line with Cordileone's views -- reports that the archdiocese denies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>According to a report on Thursday by The Bay Area Reporter, the church has told \u003ca href=\"http://www.ebar.com/news/article.php?sec=news&article=67938\">the Castro Country Club it can't hold fundraisers\u003c/a> on the premises if it continues inviting drag queens as entertainment. The newspaper interviewed Reverend Brian Costello:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>\"I am the new pastor,\" Costello added. \"There is a new archbishop. The archdiocese told me straight out, 'No drag queens.'\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Also on Thursday, the \u003ca href=\"http://www.ktvu.com/news/news/archdiocese-restricts-use-castro-church-calling-re/nQFfm/\">church told the San Francisco Gay Softball League\u003c/a> it can't hold its annual SwitchHitter's Ball fundraiser there, according to KTVU TV. From the report:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>The church's business manager Mike Poma told KTVU some events held there have gotten out of hand, which include simulated sex acts and nudity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"A review of drag queens and boys in their underwear … This is a church first and foremost. This is sacred to a lot of people,\" Poma said. \"To have that type of stuff going on, this (bothers) a lot of people.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Update at 2:41 p.m:\u003c/strong> Returning my call, archdiocese spokesperson George Wesolek told me the church did not ban cross-dressing, it simply closed its facilities to groups not affiliated with the church. The change took place about two months ago and it had nothing to do with the appointment of the new archbishop, who doesn't take office until Oct. 4, Wesolek said. He added that many parishes have similar policies for many reasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's our conversation, edited for brevity:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> One example is that sometimes an outside group will come in and perhaps do something of a political nature. That can be disadvantageous to us because we are not supposed to be doing any kind of political activity with candidates. We can with issues, but not with candidates. So that is a somewhat usual policy for parishes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> So there was no connection with the appointment of the new archbishop?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> I know for a fact there is no connection at all. I would be very surprised if the new archbishop knew anything about this.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> Then why would Costello have attributed the change to the archdiocese?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> He’s new there and I’m not quite sure what he had meant about that. He may have talked to someone at the archdiocese -- in the legal team for example -- and he was talking about a way of instituting a policy or was trying to understand the policy because it was in place before he came.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> Does the archdiocese have any sort of policy about drag queens?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> We would pretty much leave that up to the parish. I would think that most parishes would not consider that appropriate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Update at 1:21 p.m:\u003c/strong> I contacted the Castro Country Club, Holy Redeemer Church and the Archdiocese for comment. So far I have heard back from the Castro Country Club. In accordance with Alcoholics Anonymous tradition, the club doesn't make members available for interview. However, it released this statement:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>The Castro Country Club had planned to hold our third annual Harvest Feast on October 20, 2012 at Most Holy Redeemer Church, where we have held this and other events in the past. We are a Castro neighborhood nonprofit and we would like to keep the fundraiser in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We were disappointed when we were notified by the church last week that we would not be able to hold the dinner if any drag queens were part of the program. In previous years, we have had Ivy Drip and Heklina, both well-known entertainers and community fundraisers, serve as MC's of the event, and we felt we could not in good conscience abide by the church's new policy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It is our organization's policy to be inclusive and welcoming to all. Drag queens are no exception. We are currently seeking an alternative venue for the Harvest Feast, which provides an important source of revenue for our annual budget.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's an Ivy Drip video, by the way.\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe src=\"http://www.youtube.com/embed/hV_nE3ePUBE?rel=0\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Well, that didn't take long.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_72927\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\" style=\"max-width: 159px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/08/Salvatore-Cordileone1.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-72927\" title=\"Salvatore Cordileone\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2012/08/Salvatore-Cordileone1-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"159\" height=\"198\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Salvatore Cordileone (QvisDevs)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>When Salvatore Cordileone took over as the Catholic archbishop of San Francisco, \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2012/07/27/sfs-new-archbishop-sees-the-evil-one-in-gay-marriage/\">academics I interviewed\u003c/a> said he might pressure churches that welcome lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people. They noted that he has campaigned actively against same-sex marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That was July 27. Now, reports are surfacing that Most Holy Redeemer, a Catholic church in San Francisco's Castro neighborhood, is falling in line with Cordileone's views -- reports that the archdiocese denies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>According to a report on Thursday by The Bay Area Reporter, the church has told \u003ca href=\"http://www.ebar.com/news/article.php?sec=news&article=67938\">the Castro Country Club it can't hold fundraisers\u003c/a> on the premises if it continues inviting drag queens as entertainment. The newspaper interviewed Reverend Brian Costello:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>\"I am the new pastor,\" Costello added. \"There is a new archbishop. The archdiocese told me straight out, 'No drag queens.'\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Also on Thursday, the \u003ca href=\"http://www.ktvu.com/news/news/archdiocese-restricts-use-castro-church-calling-re/nQFfm/\">church told the San Francisco Gay Softball League\u003c/a> it can't hold its annual SwitchHitter's Ball fundraiser there, according to KTVU TV. From the report:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>The church's business manager Mike Poma told KTVU some events held there have gotten out of hand, which include simulated sex acts and nudity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"A review of drag queens and boys in their underwear … This is a church first and foremost. This is sacred to a lot of people,\" Poma said. \"To have that type of stuff going on, this (bothers) a lot of people.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Update at 2:41 p.m:\u003c/strong> Returning my call, archdiocese spokesperson George Wesolek told me the church did not ban cross-dressing, it simply closed its facilities to groups not affiliated with the church. The change took place about two months ago and it had nothing to do with the appointment of the new archbishop, who doesn't take office until Oct. 4, Wesolek said. He added that many parishes have similar policies for many reasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's our conversation, edited for brevity:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> One example is that sometimes an outside group will come in and perhaps do something of a political nature. That can be disadvantageous to us because we are not supposed to be doing any kind of political activity with candidates. We can with issues, but not with candidates. So that is a somewhat usual policy for parishes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> So there was no connection with the appointment of the new archbishop?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> I know for a fact there is no connection at all. I would be very surprised if the new archbishop knew anything about this.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> Then why would Costello have attributed the change to the archdiocese?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> He’s new there and I’m not quite sure what he had meant about that. He may have talked to someone at the archdiocese -- in the legal team for example -- and he was talking about a way of instituting a policy or was trying to understand the policy because it was in place before he came.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Laird Harrison:\u003c/strong> Does the archdiocese have any sort of policy about drag queens?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>George Wesolek:\u003c/strong> We would pretty much leave that up to the parish. I would think that most parishes would not consider that appropriate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Update at 1:21 p.m:\u003c/strong> I contacted the Castro Country Club, Holy Redeemer Church and the Archdiocese for comment. So far I have heard back from the Castro Country Club. In accordance with Alcoholics Anonymous tradition, the club doesn't make members available for interview. However, it released this statement:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>The Castro Country Club had planned to hold our third annual Harvest Feast on October 20, 2012 at Most Holy Redeemer Church, where we have held this and other events in the past. We are a Castro neighborhood nonprofit and we would like to keep the fundraiser in the neighborhood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We were disappointed when we were notified by the church last week that we would not be able to hold the dinner if any drag queens were part of the program. In previous years, we have had Ivy Drip and Heklina, both well-known entertainers and community fundraisers, serve as MC's of the event, and we felt we could not in good conscience abide by the church's new policy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It is our organization's policy to be inclusive and welcoming to all. Drag queens are no exception. We are currently seeking an alternative venue for the Harvest Feast, which provides an important source of revenue for our annual budget.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's an Ivy Drip video, by the way.\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe src=\"http://www.youtube.com/embed/hV_nE3ePUBE?rel=0\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"tagline": "Where conversation and cultura meet",
"info": "What kind of no sabo word is Hyphenación? For us, it’s about living within a hyphenation. Like being a third-gen Mexican-American from the Texas border now living that Bay Area Chicano life. Like Xorje! Each week we bring together a couple of hyphenated Latinos to talk all about personal life choices: family, careers, relationships, belonging … everything is on the table. ",
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"info": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown brings listeners the wisdom of the former Governor, Mayor, and presidential candidate. Scott Shafer interviewed Brown for more than 40 hours, covering the former governor's life and half-century in the political game – and Brown has some lessons he'd like to share. ",
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"marketplace": {
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"info": "Our flagship program, helmed by Kai Ryssdal, examines what the day in money delivered, through stories, conversations, newsworthy numbers and more. Updated Monday through Friday at about 3:30 p.m. PT.",
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"info": "For decades, the process for how police police themselves has been inconsistent – if not opaque. In some states, like California, these proceedings were completely hidden. After a new police transparency law unsealed scores of internal affairs files, our reporters set out to examine these cases and the shadow world of police discipline. On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?",
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"politicalbreakdown": {
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"tagline": "Politics from a personal perspective",
"info": "Political Breakdown is a new series that explores the political intersection of California and the nation. Each week hosts Scott Shafer and Marisa Lagos are joined with a new special guest to unpack politics -- with personality — and offer an insider’s glimpse at how politics happens.",
"airtime": "THU 6:30pm-7pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Political-Breakdown-2024-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
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"possible": {
"id": "possible",
"title": "Possible",
"info": "Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.",
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"pri-the-world": {
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"info": "Each weekday, host Marco Werman and his team of producers bring you the world's most interesting stories in an hour of radio that reminds us just how small our planet really is.",
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"radiolab": {
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"reveal": {
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},
"rightnowish": {
"id": "rightnowish",
"title": "Rightnowish",
"tagline": "Art is where you find it",
"info": "Rightnowish digs into life in the Bay Area right now… ish. Journalist Pendarvis Harshaw takes us to galleries painted on the sides of liquor stores in West Oakland. We'll dance in warehouses in the Bayview, make smoothies with kids in South Berkeley, and listen to classical music in a 1984 Cutlass Supreme in Richmond. Every week, Pen talks to movers and shakers about how the Bay Area shapes what they create, and how they shape the place we call home.",
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},
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"info": "Science Friday is a weekly science talk show, broadcast live over public radio stations nationwide. Each week, the show focuses on science topics that are in the news and tries to bring an educated, balanced discussion to bear on the scientific issues at hand. Panels of expert guests join host Ira Flatow, a veteran science journalist, to discuss science and to take questions from listeners during the call-in portion of the program.",
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"snap-judgment": {
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"title": "Snap Judgment",
"tagline": "Real stories with killer beats",
"info": "The Snap Judgment radio show and podcast mixes real stories with killer beats to produce cinematic, dramatic radio. Snap's musical brand of storytelling dares listeners to see the world through the eyes of another. This is storytelling... with a BEAT!! Snap first aired on public radio stations nationwide in July 2010. Today, Snap Judgment airs on over 450 public radio stations and is brought to the airwaves by KQED & PRX.",
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},
"soldout": {
"id": "soldout",
"title": "SOLD OUT: Rethinking Housing in America",
"tagline": "A new future for housing",
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