What Do You Do When Your Best Friend Is Pregnant at 15?

Editor’s note: The following story was produced for Youth Takeover week at KQED.

I never expected to hear that my childhood best friend was pregnant.

My family and I were at the table eating dinner just like any other day. I notice my parents talking among themselves and think to myself that something’s a lil’ sus[picious].

“Your friend is pregnant.” Those were their words. I couldn’t fathom this information. My friend was only 15.

I rested my head in my hands and stared down at the table, thinking a billion thoughts, surrounded with fear.

When will she have the baby? What will she name her baby? How will she finish school? Who’s the father? How could she be so stupid? What was she experiencing in her life that she wanted to avoid and not feel? Will she have time for me? How is our friendship going to change? I’m not a good friend. I could’ve done more. I should’ve done more. I regret not being there for her more.

All these thoughts haunted my conscience, mind and spirit.

I was disappointed in her, and saddened by her poor decision-making. I even reached a point where I was angry. I felt justified about my feelings of anger toward her. I found a reason to be mad: she wasn’t thinking about how she could affect her whole family and friends.

It was selfish and proud of her to think nothing would happen. When we saw each other on Sundays at church, I couldn’t bring myself to even talk to her and say hi. I cried for the next two weeks, every day, until I let myself accept reality: My friend, who was just a few months younger than I, was pregnant.

Night and day I worried about my relationship with her. We had more or less drifted apart in middle school and high school, so in the moment it felt like this situation would only make our relationship more complicated.

I knew she was going to have to mature and grow up quicker for her son. In my mind, that meant that we couldn’t relate to each other, because she was going to be a mom, and I was just a teen in high school.

On top of that, we already had our differences. She was a very social, popular girl in school; I wasn’t as popular. Our personalities were very different; I was more reserved and quiet, while she was a lover of talking and making people laugh. She was going to be a mom, and I wasn’t.

Through this difficult time for both of us, I was able to get help from many, many friends who advised me on letting go of my anger and disappointment, loving her, and being her close friend again.

I couldn’t afford to make room for my anger and hurt anymore if it meant that I would lose my close relationship with her again. I knew she needed me to understand her, and all the embarrassment and shame she felt.

Though this situation was difficult, it ultimately brought us closer together. Because she lives so close to my school, I visit her more often. We have great talks over boba tea, and our friendship overall has turned into something I never I thought I’d have with her again: intimacy.

Since her son was born, we spend more time with each other. Her son is now 1 year old, and I’m happy to say he has been a great miracle for her family and mine. He has brought so much joy into our lives, and I’m glad my friend has a living, breathing being she can call hers for the rest of her life.

The three of us have walking lessons and little dance parties, and plenty of smiling and laughter. And I’m happy to say that my friend will be graduating this spring, and attending the University of San Francisco in the fall.