When Parents Know These 4 phases of Friendship, They Can Help Their Child Make Friends More Easily
Personalities don't usually change quickly but they may have during the pandemic
Want more meaningful classroom management? Here are 8 questions teachers can ask themselves.
Saliva’s special bond: Babies know swapping it signals love
How Understanding Middle School Friendships Can Help Students With Ups and Downs
How Mindfulness Can Help Teachers and Students Manage Challenging Situations
4 Digital Tools to Help Students Increase Appreciation and Self-Worth in Any Classroom
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FM","link":"/"}},"mindshift_63184":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_63184","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"63184","score":null,"sort":[1709636433000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"when-parents-know-these-4-phases-of-friendship-they-can-help-their-child-make-friends-more-easily","title":"When Parents Know These 4 phases of Friendship, They Can Help Their Child Make Friends More Easily","publishDate":1709636433,"format":"standard","headTitle":"When Parents Know These 4 phases of Friendship, They Can Help Their Child Make Friends More Easily | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted from \u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/dr-stephen-nowicki/raising-a-socially-successful-child/9780316516471/\">Raising a Socially Successful Child\u003c/a> by Stephen Nowicki. Copyright © 2024 by Stephen Nowicki. Used with permission of Little, Brown Spark, an imprint of Little, Brown and Company. New York, NY. All rights reserved.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When your child is younger, you as a parent have a lot of control over his social life, selecting whom he should interact with, the length of the interaction and where the interaction takes place. That changes when your child reaches school age. Suddenly, these decisions — with whom to be friends, how much time to spend with a friend and how to spend that time together — are made largely on his own (though teachers may also play an important role). School is a place where children \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">can begin to form rewarding friendships\u003c/a>, but it is also a place where children \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57010/how-understanding-middle-school-friendships-can-help-students\">can experience rejection and isolation\u003c/a>, often because of nonverbal messages they are unwittingly sending and erroneously reading.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-63188 alignleft\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-800x1238.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"230\" height=\"356\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-800x1238.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-1020x1579.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-160x248.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-768x1189.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-992x1536.jpg 992w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-1323x2048.jpg 1323w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-scaled.jpg 1654w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 230px) 100vw, 230px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>From the late childhood phase on, any friendship a child forms follows a pattern. And this sequence, which my colleague Marshall Duke and I first codified back in the 1980s, provides a template for the relationships those children will form as adults: children \u003cem>choose \u003c/em>a likely candidate for friendship, they \u003cem>initiate\u003c/em> the relationship, they \u003cem>deepen \u003c/em>the relationship and lastly, they go through a relationship \u003cem>transition \u003c/em>when the social occasion, school day, week, semester or year ends. Each of these phases of the relationship requires the use of nonverbal and verbal language skills — but some skills play a more important role in certain phases than in others. Understanding the patterns by which late childhood friendships form and develop can help you identify where your child is doing well and where he may need to learn more in order to connect meaningfully with others.\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>1. Choosing\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The choice phase is where every relationship begins. Research shows that a child’s decision about whom he’s going to befriend usually takes place in a matter of seconds. This means that children are using information gathered from nonverbal cues in clothing, facial expressions and posture to decide to approach another child.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ideally, when parents of very young children make these choices for them, they will share the reasons for their choices with their children. For example, when \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61966/how-parents-can-help-children-with-adhd-thrive-in-friendships\">inviting a child for a playdate\u003c/a>, the parent could say something like, “I think you are going to have a good time with Ravi. She always listens to me and shares her playthings with you.” Not only does this sharing of information help children understand their parents’ choices, but it also tells the children what is expected of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time your child reaches school age, then, he should already have some sense of how to choose a friend. You can imagine him faced with a schoolyard filled with children he doesn’t know on the first day of school. He wants to find someone to play with. Over to his left, a few boys are playing ball and a ball comes loose and rolls toward him. A boy in a Green Bay Packers cap runs after the ball, picks it up and smiles. In that friendly smile, your child senses an invitation. He smiles back and begins walking toward the boy wearing the Packers cap. He has chosen to make a new friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>2. Initiating\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The initiation phase is what happens next. Your child follows his new friend as he joins the three other boys playing ball. He waits until there’s a break in what is going on. “Hi,” he says with a smile. “Can I join in?” The other boys introduce themselves quickly and your child says, “I’m a Packer Backer too. I’ve got a Packers cap at home. I’ll wear it tomorrow.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The boy with the Packers cap says, “Remember when they won that game when it was a million degrees below zero?” Your child excitedly comments about how the field was like ice, and soon there are five boys happily playing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For a five-year-old meeting new peers for the first time on a playground, even a seemingly simple interaction like this one is a difficult task involving both nonverbal and verbal behaviors: Your child waited patiently and, sensing the rhythm of the game, chose the right moment to cut in. He didn’t intrude on their game, showing his respect for their personal space. When he did introduce himself, he smiled warmly and made eye contact. Then he made “small talk” before he asked to join in. I think we all can imagine many ways that the interaction could have gone much less successfully than it did.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The initiation phase is when the real give-and-take of social information through nonverbal and verbal channels gets under way. Your child is in uncharted relationship waters now. For the first time, he is running his own show and it is up to him to get this potential relationship off to a successful start.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>3. Deepening\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Over time, if all goes well, your child’s friendships will deepen in ways that would have been all but impossible in the earlier phases of development, in which friendships are usually fleeting and revolve around a shared activity. Hallmarks of a deepening relationship include trust, self- disclosure, acceptance and mutual understanding. As C. S. Lewis put it: Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The process of deepening a friendship involves a lot of give- and- take, much of it nonverbal; when one person speaks, the other responds not only through their words but through facial expressions, body language and tone of voice as well. Your child will disclose something about himself, then look to his friend to gauge the reaction. If the friend nods, smiles or makes encouraging gestures, your child will know to keep going. As children spend more and more time together, they become increasingly attuned to the nonverbal cues that communicate what the other is thinking or feeling. They begin to inhabit the same physical space and share the same rhythms and can often be seen hugging or walking arm in arm, with smiles on their faces.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>4. Transitioning\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>While deepening a relationship can be hard work for some kids, virtually all children will struggle with \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61082/how-grown-ups-can-help-kids-transition-to-post-pandemic-school-life\">handling relationship transitions positively\u003c/a>. In late childhood, these transitions happen more often than you may be aware: at the end of the school day or a playdate, for example. Sometimes the transition is more intense, such as the end of the school year or the Little League season or the last day of camp. Other times a transition in a friendship happens when a child has to move to a new town or school. And of course, there are times when one or both children actively decide not to continue the friendship, whether it’s over some fight or disagreement or the friendship simply having run its course.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although transitions can sometimes be painful, it’s important to remember that each transition can also be a new beginning. Even as adults, transitions can make us uncomfortable, so we often rush through them as quickly as possible, without considering the unique information the experience can offer us.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Picture two ten-year-old girls, Gina and Ilana, on the last day of school. These friends sat next to each other during class for the whole school year because their last names both begin with \u003cem>M. \u003c/em>While not “best-best friends,” their bond has deepened over the course of the school year, and they are sad they probably won’t see much of each other over the summer. As they clean out their desks, they talk about the past school year. They remember how they were so shy with each other at first. They reminisce about the science fair, field day and other memorable events leading up to this the final day of school. Not all the times were fun, though, they admit. There were disagreements, and they both remember a particularly bad one during field day, when Ilana didn’t choose Gina for her team.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When their desks are cleaned out and have passed the teacher’s inspection, it’s time to leave. Each girl reaches sheepishly into her book bag and retrieves the present that they bought for the other. They hold hands as they walk out to their separate school buses. It’s time to part ways. Usually, their exchanges with each other are lively, but today they are much quieter and more subdued, which makes their goodbye hugs more meaningful. In hushed tones, they tell each other to \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61888/4-parenting-priorities-to-prevent-mental-health-summer-slide\">have a good summer\u003c/a>. Transitioning is the point in the life of a relationship when you can help your child look back and see discernable patterns in how the relationship developed. Reflecting how she chose, began and deepened her ties with another person can yield valuable lessons that can be applied to the next set of relationships. And the more complex and important the relationship, the more she can learn from it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-63187\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m-160x240.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"240\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m-160x240.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m.jpg 576w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cem>Stephen Nowicki is the Charles Howard Candler Professor of Psychology Emeritus at Emory University, where he has served as director of clinical training, head of the psychological center and head of the counseling center. Nowicki maintains an active clinical practice as a diplomate in psychology.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Childhood friendships involve four distinct phases: choosing, initiating, deepening and transitioning. Each phase plays a role in the development of social connections.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1712104667,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":20,"wordCount":1606},"headData":{"title":"When Parents Know These 4 phases of Friendship, They Can Help Their Child Make Friends More Easily | KQED","description":"Choosing, initiating, deepening and transitioning — each of these phases plays a role in the development of social connections.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"Choosing, initiating, deepening and transitioning — each of these phases plays a role in the development of social connections.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"When Parents Know These 4 phases of Friendship, They Can Help Their Child Make Friends More Easily","datePublished":"2024-03-05T11:00:33.000Z","dateModified":"2024-04-03T00:37:47.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/63184/when-parents-know-these-4-phases-of-friendship-they-can-help-their-child-make-friends-more-easily","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted from \u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/dr-stephen-nowicki/raising-a-socially-successful-child/9780316516471/\">Raising a Socially Successful Child\u003c/a> by Stephen Nowicki. Copyright © 2024 by Stephen Nowicki. Used with permission of Little, Brown Spark, an imprint of Little, Brown and Company. New York, NY. All rights reserved.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When your child is younger, you as a parent have a lot of control over his social life, selecting whom he should interact with, the length of the interaction and where the interaction takes place. That changes when your child reaches school age. Suddenly, these decisions — with whom to be friends, how much time to spend with a friend and how to spend that time together — are made largely on his own (though teachers may also play an important role). School is a place where children \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">can begin to form rewarding friendships\u003c/a>, but it is also a place where children \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57010/how-understanding-middle-school-friendships-can-help-students\">can experience rejection and isolation\u003c/a>, often because of nonverbal messages they are unwittingly sending and erroneously reading.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-63188 alignleft\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-800x1238.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"230\" height=\"356\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-800x1238.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-1020x1579.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-160x248.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-768x1189.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-992x1536.jpg 992w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-1323x2048.jpg 1323w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/KyizpEjm-scaled.jpg 1654w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 230px) 100vw, 230px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>From the late childhood phase on, any friendship a child forms follows a pattern. And this sequence, which my colleague Marshall Duke and I first codified back in the 1980s, provides a template for the relationships those children will form as adults: children \u003cem>choose \u003c/em>a likely candidate for friendship, they \u003cem>initiate\u003c/em> the relationship, they \u003cem>deepen \u003c/em>the relationship and lastly, they go through a relationship \u003cem>transition \u003c/em>when the social occasion, school day, week, semester or year ends. Each of these phases of the relationship requires the use of nonverbal and verbal language skills — but some skills play a more important role in certain phases than in others. Understanding the patterns by which late childhood friendships form and develop can help you identify where your child is doing well and where he may need to learn more in order to connect meaningfully with others.\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>1. Choosing\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The choice phase is where every relationship begins. Research shows that a child’s decision about whom he’s going to befriend usually takes place in a matter of seconds. This means that children are using information gathered from nonverbal cues in clothing, facial expressions and posture to decide to approach another child.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ideally, when parents of very young children make these choices for them, they will share the reasons for their choices with their children. For example, when \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61966/how-parents-can-help-children-with-adhd-thrive-in-friendships\">inviting a child for a playdate\u003c/a>, the parent could say something like, “I think you are going to have a good time with Ravi. She always listens to me and shares her playthings with you.” Not only does this sharing of information help children understand their parents’ choices, but it also tells the children what is expected of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time your child reaches school age, then, he should already have some sense of how to choose a friend. You can imagine him faced with a schoolyard filled with children he doesn’t know on the first day of school. He wants to find someone to play with. Over to his left, a few boys are playing ball and a ball comes loose and rolls toward him. A boy in a Green Bay Packers cap runs after the ball, picks it up and smiles. In that friendly smile, your child senses an invitation. He smiles back and begins walking toward the boy wearing the Packers cap. He has chosen to make a new friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>2. Initiating\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The initiation phase is what happens next. Your child follows his new friend as he joins the three other boys playing ball. He waits until there’s a break in what is going on. “Hi,” he says with a smile. “Can I join in?” The other boys introduce themselves quickly and your child says, “I’m a Packer Backer too. I’ve got a Packers cap at home. I’ll wear it tomorrow.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The boy with the Packers cap says, “Remember when they won that game when it was a million degrees below zero?” Your child excitedly comments about how the field was like ice, and soon there are five boys happily playing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For a five-year-old meeting new peers for the first time on a playground, even a seemingly simple interaction like this one is a difficult task involving both nonverbal and verbal behaviors: Your child waited patiently and, sensing the rhythm of the game, chose the right moment to cut in. He didn’t intrude on their game, showing his respect for their personal space. When he did introduce himself, he smiled warmly and made eye contact. Then he made “small talk” before he asked to join in. I think we all can imagine many ways that the interaction could have gone much less successfully than it did.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The initiation phase is when the real give-and-take of social information through nonverbal and verbal channels gets under way. Your child is in uncharted relationship waters now. For the first time, he is running his own show and it is up to him to get this potential relationship off to a successful start.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>3. Deepening\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Over time, if all goes well, your child’s friendships will deepen in ways that would have been all but impossible in the earlier phases of development, in which friendships are usually fleeting and revolve around a shared activity. Hallmarks of a deepening relationship include trust, self- disclosure, acceptance and mutual understanding. As C. S. Lewis put it: Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The process of deepening a friendship involves a lot of give- and- take, much of it nonverbal; when one person speaks, the other responds not only through their words but through facial expressions, body language and tone of voice as well. Your child will disclose something about himself, then look to his friend to gauge the reaction. If the friend nods, smiles or makes encouraging gestures, your child will know to keep going. As children spend more and more time together, they become increasingly attuned to the nonverbal cues that communicate what the other is thinking or feeling. They begin to inhabit the same physical space and share the same rhythms and can often be seen hugging or walking arm in arm, with smiles on their faces.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>4. Transitioning\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>While deepening a relationship can be hard work for some kids, virtually all children will struggle with \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61082/how-grown-ups-can-help-kids-transition-to-post-pandemic-school-life\">handling relationship transitions positively\u003c/a>. In late childhood, these transitions happen more often than you may be aware: at the end of the school day or a playdate, for example. Sometimes the transition is more intense, such as the end of the school year or the Little League season or the last day of camp. Other times a transition in a friendship happens when a child has to move to a new town or school. And of course, there are times when one or both children actively decide not to continue the friendship, whether it’s over some fight or disagreement or the friendship simply having run its course.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although transitions can sometimes be painful, it’s important to remember that each transition can also be a new beginning. Even as adults, transitions can make us uncomfortable, so we often rush through them as quickly as possible, without considering the unique information the experience can offer us.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Picture two ten-year-old girls, Gina and Ilana, on the last day of school. These friends sat next to each other during class for the whole school year because their last names both begin with \u003cem>M. \u003c/em>While not “best-best friends,” their bond has deepened over the course of the school year, and they are sad they probably won’t see much of each other over the summer. As they clean out their desks, they talk about the past school year. They remember how they were so shy with each other at first. They reminisce about the science fair, field day and other memorable events leading up to this the final day of school. Not all the times were fun, though, they admit. There were disagreements, and they both remember a particularly bad one during field day, when Ilana didn’t choose Gina for her team.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When their desks are cleaned out and have passed the teacher’s inspection, it’s time to leave. Each girl reaches sheepishly into her book bag and retrieves the present that they bought for the other. They hold hands as they walk out to their separate school buses. It’s time to part ways. Usually, their exchanges with each other are lively, but today they are much quieter and more subdued, which makes their goodbye hugs more meaningful. In hushed tones, they tell each other to \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61888/4-parenting-priorities-to-prevent-mental-health-summer-slide\">have a good summer\u003c/a>. Transitioning is the point in the life of a relationship when you can help your child look back and see discernable patterns in how the relationship developed. Reflecting how she chose, began and deepened her ties with another person can yield valuable lessons that can be applied to the next set of relationships. And the more complex and important the relationship, the more she can learn from it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-63187\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m-160x240.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"240\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m-160x240.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/02/fcB04_7m.jpg 576w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003cem>Stephen Nowicki is the Charles Howard Candler Professor of Psychology Emeritus at Emory University, where he has served as director of clinical training, head of the psychological center and head of the counseling center. Nowicki maintains an active clinical practice as a diplomate in psychology.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/63184/when-parents-know-these-4-phases-of-friendship-they-can-help-their-child-make-friends-more-easily","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_21512","mindshift_21385"],"tags":["mindshift_21250","mindshift_21488","mindshift_21036","mindshift_21336","mindshift_20568","mindshift_290","mindshift_498","mindshift_21565","mindshift_21134","mindshift_21213","mindshift_943","mindshift_20719"],"featImg":"mindshift_63186","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_59993":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_59993","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"59993","score":null,"sort":[1665040354000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"personalities-dont-usually-change-quickly-but-they-may-have-during-the-pandemic","title":"Personalities don't usually change quickly but they may have during the pandemic","publishDate":1665040354,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cdiv class=\"storyMajorUpdateDate\">\u003cstrong>Updated October 5, 2022 at 2:18 PM ET\u003c/strong>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>The global coronavirus pandemic disrupted almost everything about our lives, from how we work and go to school, to how we socialize (Zoom happy hours, anyone?!), and ultimately strained trust in many of the overarching systems we depend on, from health care to government.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>New research suggests it may have changed Americans' personalities, too, and not for the better.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Typically, major personality traits remain fairly stable throughout life, with most change happening in young adulthood or when stressful personal life events occur. It's rare to see population-wide personality shifts, even after stressful events, but in \u003ca href=\"https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0274542\">a new study\u003c/a> in the journal PLOS One, psychologists found just that in the wake of the pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The researchers had previously found a small, counterintuitive change in personality early in the pandemic: They found a decrease in neuroticism, the personality trait associated with stress and negative emotions. In the current study, they were curious if they would find different personality changes in the second and third year of the pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"And we did. There was a completely different pattern of change,\" says study author \u003ca href=\"https://public.med.fsu.edu/com/directory/Details/Full/16779\">Angelina Sutin\u003c/a>, an assistant professor of behavioral sciences and social medicine at the Florida State University College of Medicine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the later period of the pandemic, the researchers noted significant declines in the traits that help us navigate social situations, trust others, think creatively, and act responsibly. These changes were especially pronounced among young adults.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sutin hypothesizes that personality traits may have changed as public sentiment about the pandemic shifted. \"The first year [of the pandemic] there was this real coming together,\" Sutin says. \"But in the second year, with all of that support falling away and then the open hostility and social upheaval around restrictions ... all the collective good will that we had, we lost, and that might have been very significant for personality.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Maturity interrupted?\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>To measure the changes, Sutin and her team analyzed surveys from three time periods: once pre-pandemic, before March 2020, once in the early lockdown period in 2020, and once either in 2021 or 2022. All the responses came from the longitudinal \u003ca href=\"https://uasdata.usc.edu/index.php\">Understanding America Study\u003c/a>, organized by University of Southern California.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The surveys gathered results from a widely-accepted model for studying personality, the Big Five Inventory, that measures five different dimensions of personality: neuroticism (stress), extroversion (connecting with others), openness (creative thinking), agreeableness (being trusting), and conscientiousness (being organized, disciplined and responsible).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While these traits don't typically change radically throughout a lifetime, there's a general trend for young people to see a decrease in neuroticism as they mature, and an increase in agreeableness and conscientiousness. Sutin calls this trajectory \"development towards maturity.\" But the study findings suggest a reversal of that pattern for younger adults as the pandemic dragged on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Between the first stages of pandemic lockdown in 2020 to the second and third years of the pandemic in 2021 and 2022, the researchers found that extroversion, openness, agreeableness and conscientiousness all declined across the population, but especially for younger adults, who also showed an \u003cem>increase\u003c/em> in neuroticism.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://psych.wustl.edu/people/joshua-jackson\">Joshua Jackson\u003c/a>, an associate professor of psychology at Washington University in St. Louis, who studies the factors responsible for personality change and was not involved in this study, says that finding was significant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Younger individuals have less resources, they're less established in their social context, in their jobs and friends,\" he says. \"So any sort of disruption, they're the ones that are going to have this fewer number of resources to ride out the storm.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sutin notes that even in more normal times, young adults are more likely to see change in their personality. But in the pandemic, \"all the normal things that younger adults are supposed to do were disrupted: school, socializing, work.\" Although older adults were at greater risk from the virus, their lives were \"in a much more stable place in general,\" Sutin says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These particular personality changes in young people have the potential for negative long-term impacts, too, says Jackson. \"[Agreeableness and conscientiousness] are characteristics that are associated with success in the workforce, and in relationships,\" he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The study authors concur, writing that high conscientiousness is associated with higher educational achievement and income and lower risk of chronic diseases. Neuroticism is linked with risky health behaviors and poor mental health.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Long-term personality change or 'short-term shock'\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>The personality changes documented were not huge, but they were equal to the typical amount of personality change normally found in a decade of life, and they were seen across race and education level.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jackson says the fact that the findings were seen across the population point to just how unprecedented the pandemic has been.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The general rule is that life events don't have widespread impact on personality,\" he says. For that reason, Jackson hopes further study will determine whether the personality changes this study found will sustain over a lifetime or be more of a \"short-term shock.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's worth noting that the changes are relatively modest in scope, says \u003ca href=\"https://psychology.illinois.edu/directory/profile/bwrobrts\">Brent Roberts\u003c/a>, a professor of psychology at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign who studies continuity and change in personality across adulthood, and was also not involved in the study.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>With a personality shift across population in these areas, \"there's going to be a slight elevation of some of the negative outcomes ... predominantly related to mental health and health,\" Roberts says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And though the findings are significant at a population level, they're probably not reason for any individual alarm. So before you go blaming your bad mood on the pandemic, remember that personalities are typically resilient long-term.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's not a simple question of either people being fixed and not changing at all, which is clearly wrong, or being rudderless ships battered about by the winds of change — it's something in between,\" says Roberts. Overall, the environmental changes we've experienced over the past few years aren't likely permanent either, which means the psychological consequences might very well change again, too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The study had some limitations. For one thing, it didn't have a control group to compare results — there wasn't a group of people who didn't live through the pandemic for comparison in this case. And Roberts says it's hard to tease out what, exactly, over the past few years had the biggest impact on these shifts in personality.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The COVID crisis could have been the main driver of personality change, but other societal changes or reckonings we experienced in the same time frame – the mass shift to virtual school and work, increased economic stratification, the insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, or the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement, for instance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Or it could be related to economic stress and \"long-term disparities that are occurring in our society,\" Roberts says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's been pretty clear from a lot of surveys, especially the younger folks feel a lot less hope for their future economic viability. ... And if that's the case, then, there's your alternative for why you see this subtle decrease in these kinds of personality traits that are often related to feeling connected to and effective in society.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And perhaps the findings are the result of more than one thing at the same time. The other group that showed significant personality trait change, for instance, were Hispanic/Latino respondents, who, Sutin points out, bore the brunt of the pandemic in more ways than one, \"both in terms of being more vulnerable to the illness and the more severe consequences of also being on the front lines [as essential workers].\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Either, or both, of which might have taken a toll on personality in the population.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Maggie Mertens is a freelance journalist in Seattle who writes about gender, culture, health, and sports.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2022 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Personalities+don%27t+usually+change+quickly+but+they+may+have+during+the+pandemic&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"A study finds small but meaningful declines in personality traits that help us navigate social situations, trust others, think creatively, and act responsibly. Young people were especially affected.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1665558847,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":32,"wordCount":1330},"headData":{"title":"Personalities don't usually change quickly but they may have during the pandemic - MindShift","description":"A study finds small but meaningful declines in personality traits that help us navigate social situations, trust others, think creatively, and act responsibly. Young people were especially affected.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Personalities don't usually change quickly but they may have during the pandemic","datePublished":"2022-10-06T07:12:34.000Z","dateModified":"2022-10-12T07:14:07.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"59993 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=59993","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2022/10/06/personalities-dont-usually-change-quickly-but-they-may-have-during-the-pandemic/","disqusTitle":"Personalities don't usually change quickly but they may have during the pandemic","nprImageCredit":"molotovcoketail","nprByline":"Maggie Mertens","nprImageAgency":"Getty Images","nprStoryId":"1126825073","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=1126825073&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2022/10/05/1126825073/pandemic-stress-impact-personalities?ft=nprml&f=1126825073","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Wed, 05 Oct 2022 16:11:00 -0400","nprStoryDate":"Wed, 05 Oct 2022 04:00:41 -0400","nprLastModifiedDate":"Wed, 05 Oct 2022 16:11:11 -0400","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","path":"/mindshift/59993/personalities-dont-usually-change-quickly-but-they-may-have-during-the-pandemic","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cdiv class=\"storyMajorUpdateDate\">\u003cstrong>Updated October 5, 2022 at 2:18 PM ET\u003c/strong>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>The global coronavirus pandemic disrupted almost everything about our lives, from how we work and go to school, to how we socialize (Zoom happy hours, anyone?!), and ultimately strained trust in many of the overarching systems we depend on, from health care to government.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>New research suggests it may have changed Americans' personalities, too, and not for the better.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Typically, major personality traits remain fairly stable throughout life, with most change happening in young adulthood or when stressful personal life events occur. It's rare to see population-wide personality shifts, even after stressful events, but in \u003ca href=\"https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0274542\">a new study\u003c/a> in the journal PLOS One, psychologists found just that in the wake of the pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The researchers had previously found a small, counterintuitive change in personality early in the pandemic: They found a decrease in neuroticism, the personality trait associated with stress and negative emotions. In the current study, they were curious if they would find different personality changes in the second and third year of the pandemic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"And we did. There was a completely different pattern of change,\" says study author \u003ca href=\"https://public.med.fsu.edu/com/directory/Details/Full/16779\">Angelina Sutin\u003c/a>, an assistant professor of behavioral sciences and social medicine at the Florida State University College of Medicine.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the later period of the pandemic, the researchers noted significant declines in the traits that help us navigate social situations, trust others, think creatively, and act responsibly. These changes were especially pronounced among young adults.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sutin hypothesizes that personality traits may have changed as public sentiment about the pandemic shifted. \"The first year [of the pandemic] there was this real coming together,\" Sutin says. \"But in the second year, with all of that support falling away and then the open hostility and social upheaval around restrictions ... all the collective good will that we had, we lost, and that might have been very significant for personality.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Maturity interrupted?\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>To measure the changes, Sutin and her team analyzed surveys from three time periods: once pre-pandemic, before March 2020, once in the early lockdown period in 2020, and once either in 2021 or 2022. All the responses came from the longitudinal \u003ca href=\"https://uasdata.usc.edu/index.php\">Understanding America Study\u003c/a>, organized by University of Southern California.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The surveys gathered results from a widely-accepted model for studying personality, the Big Five Inventory, that measures five different dimensions of personality: neuroticism (stress), extroversion (connecting with others), openness (creative thinking), agreeableness (being trusting), and conscientiousness (being organized, disciplined and responsible).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While these traits don't typically change radically throughout a lifetime, there's a general trend for young people to see a decrease in neuroticism as they mature, and an increase in agreeableness and conscientiousness. Sutin calls this trajectory \"development towards maturity.\" But the study findings suggest a reversal of that pattern for younger adults as the pandemic dragged on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Between the first stages of pandemic lockdown in 2020 to the second and third years of the pandemic in 2021 and 2022, the researchers found that extroversion, openness, agreeableness and conscientiousness all declined across the population, but especially for younger adults, who also showed an \u003cem>increase\u003c/em> in neuroticism.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://psych.wustl.edu/people/joshua-jackson\">Joshua Jackson\u003c/a>, an associate professor of psychology at Washington University in St. Louis, who studies the factors responsible for personality change and was not involved in this study, says that finding was significant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Younger individuals have less resources, they're less established in their social context, in their jobs and friends,\" he says. \"So any sort of disruption, they're the ones that are going to have this fewer number of resources to ride out the storm.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sutin notes that even in more normal times, young adults are more likely to see change in their personality. But in the pandemic, \"all the normal things that younger adults are supposed to do were disrupted: school, socializing, work.\" Although older adults were at greater risk from the virus, their lives were \"in a much more stable place in general,\" Sutin says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These particular personality changes in young people have the potential for negative long-term impacts, too, says Jackson. \"[Agreeableness and conscientiousness] are characteristics that are associated with success in the workforce, and in relationships,\" he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The study authors concur, writing that high conscientiousness is associated with higher educational achievement and income and lower risk of chronic diseases. Neuroticism is linked with risky health behaviors and poor mental health.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Long-term personality change or 'short-term shock'\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>The personality changes documented were not huge, but they were equal to the typical amount of personality change normally found in a decade of life, and they were seen across race and education level.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jackson says the fact that the findings were seen across the population point to just how unprecedented the pandemic has been.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The general rule is that life events don't have widespread impact on personality,\" he says. For that reason, Jackson hopes further study will determine whether the personality changes this study found will sustain over a lifetime or be more of a \"short-term shock.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's worth noting that the changes are relatively modest in scope, says \u003ca href=\"https://psychology.illinois.edu/directory/profile/bwrobrts\">Brent Roberts\u003c/a>, a professor of psychology at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign who studies continuity and change in personality across adulthood, and was also not involved in the study.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>With a personality shift across population in these areas, \"there's going to be a slight elevation of some of the negative outcomes ... predominantly related to mental health and health,\" Roberts says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And though the findings are significant at a population level, they're probably not reason for any individual alarm. So before you go blaming your bad mood on the pandemic, remember that personalities are typically resilient long-term.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's not a simple question of either people being fixed and not changing at all, which is clearly wrong, or being rudderless ships battered about by the winds of change — it's something in between,\" says Roberts. Overall, the environmental changes we've experienced over the past few years aren't likely permanent either, which means the psychological consequences might very well change again, too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The study had some limitations. For one thing, it didn't have a control group to compare results — there wasn't a group of people who didn't live through the pandemic for comparison in this case. And Roberts says it's hard to tease out what, exactly, over the past few years had the biggest impact on these shifts in personality.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The COVID crisis could have been the main driver of personality change, but other societal changes or reckonings we experienced in the same time frame – the mass shift to virtual school and work, increased economic stratification, the insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, or the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement, for instance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Or it could be related to economic stress and \"long-term disparities that are occurring in our society,\" Roberts says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"It's been pretty clear from a lot of surveys, especially the younger folks feel a lot less hope for their future economic viability. ... And if that's the case, then, there's your alternative for why you see this subtle decrease in these kinds of personality traits that are often related to feeling connected to and effective in society.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And perhaps the findings are the result of more than one thing at the same time. The other group that showed significant personality trait change, for instance, were Hispanic/Latino respondents, who, Sutin points out, bore the brunt of the pandemic in more ways than one, \"both in terms of being more vulnerable to the illness and the more severe consequences of also being on the front lines [as essential workers].\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Either, or both, of which might have taken a toll on personality in the population.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Maggie Mertens is a freelance journalist in Seattle who writes about gender, culture, health, and sports.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2022 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Personalities+don%27t+usually+change+quickly+but+they+may+have+during+the+pandemic&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/59993/personalities-dont-usually-change-quickly-but-they-may-have-during-the-pandemic","authors":["byline_mindshift_59993"],"categories":["mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_20865","mindshift_20696","mindshift_21134"],"featImg":"mindshift_59994","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_59777":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_59777","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"59777","score":null,"sort":[1661757499000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"want-more-meaningful-classroom-management-here-are-8-questions-teachers-can-ask-themselves","title":"Want more meaningful classroom management? Here are 8 questions teachers can ask themselves.","publishDate":1661757499,"format":"audio","headTitle":"Want more meaningful classroom management? Here are 8 questions teachers can ask themselves. | KQED","labelTerm":{"term":21847,"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The first days of school usually include going over ground rules for the classroom as students return from nearly three months of summer break. All teachers approach this process differently, from posting rules on the board to co-creating norms as a class. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s nothing inherently wrong with coming up with all the rules by yourself or deciding all the rules as a class, said Detroit-based educator Carla Shalaby, author of the book \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://thenewpress.com/books/troublemakers\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Troublemakers: Lessons in Freedom.”\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> But she also encourages teachers to consider how norms are carried out and what they communicate to students. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Classroom management in itself is a curriculum,” said Shalaby about how teachers – often without knowing – are teaching young people through rules. “We think we’re teaching math; they’re paying attention to how we’re teaching power, authority, use of control, definitions of safety, who gets to belong and who’s good or bad.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A former public school teacher, Shalaby now trains educators at the University of Michigan’s School of Education. She helped open a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://soe.umich.edu/p20\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">partnership school\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> with the Detroit Public Schools Community District where she’ll be working with novice teachers who work with kids from infancy to graduation.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When she trains teachers, Shalaby provides a list of eight questions they can ask themselves to guide how they think about classroom management.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>1. Do I use power to manage people in a space or do I use it to hold and make space?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Children are not born knowing how to talk through what to do when someone breaks a rule or causes harm. So they’re looking to teachers as models for how power is used. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“[These skills] are hard to teach and learn at home because home is not a democratic community. It’s a private space,” said Shalaby. “School is kids’ first exposure to the problems of the community.” \u003c/span>\u003cbr>\n[aside postID=’mindshift_58616′]\u003cbr>\n\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Shalaby encourages teachers to try out new models of power that feel fair and democratic. For example, teachers can opt to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/49558/a-deeper-look-at-the-whole-school-approach-to-behavior\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">not kick kids out\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of class when they misbehave.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Give kids practice in the problems that come up when you really try to take care of every single person without removing people from your space,” said Shalaby. Kids who violate rules will also develop the skills needed to take accountability. “We’re all human beings in this project together and in this space together, and we’ve got to figure out how to do it for 180 days.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>2. Am I serving kids by having a comprehensive set of rules that eliminates all potential conflict, harm and drama?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sometimes rules are used to get ahead of any possible issue that might come up in the classroom. But disagreement and conflict can be generative for children and in the future when they’re adults.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Solving all problems takes away kids’ opportunities to practice how to solve problems,” said Shalaby. When teachers eliminate the possibility of conflict, kids don’t learn essential basics, she said. For example, students might have a hard time working well in small groups without an adult because they don’t have the skills to find solutions on their own. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Kids grow to understand that the person in power gets to do that,” said Shalaby.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While it may seem like more work to deal with problems collaboratively than it is to decide and enforce rules, Shalaby said it takes more time in the long run to constantly redirect kids when they fail to comply.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>3. If a student asks ‘Why?,’ will your reason for having the policy stand up to the uniquely smart and relentless scrutiny of 30+ young people collectively seeking freedom? \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Saying “because I said so” can lead to the “nightmare of an un-winnable power struggle” against students, said Shalaby. And it’s not worth it.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“The main way that time gets wasted in classrooms is power struggle,” she said. “It’s exhausting. It’s driving teachers out of our profession. It’s pushing kids out of school.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm/?e=KQINC9096356573&light=true\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003cbr>\n\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>4. Does this classroom rule exist only because I happen to have a personal pet peeve?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Teachers can tell students that a rule is based on a personal pet peeve, but they have to be prepared to accommodate everyone’s pet peeves because teachers are just another member of the classroom community, said Shalaby. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s difficult for students and teachers alike to make space for each person’s unique quirks when everyone is used to deferring to a teacher. Students discover how to deal with the tensions and questions that come up when they are trying to make everyone feel like they belong.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“It’s the space and the time to skill build around harm, how we treat each other, how and whether we take care of each other and what the real challenges are in balancing what I need against what a group needs,” said Shalaby. “Those are really hard democratic problems that kids need many years of practice with.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>5. Are my actions grounded in cultivating safety or control?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A common misunderstanding is that more rules make classrooms safer, according to Shalaby. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Those are efforts to try to avoid bad things happening by exerting more control over human beings, constraining their rights more and more so that they can be trustworthy,” she said. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Shalaby admits that safety and control are tricky subjects these days in light of recent school shootings. In response, schools \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://theintercept.com/2018/05/30/face-recognition-schools-school-shootings/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">monitor students’ movements\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> around campus, limit \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2022/07/19/1112211589/dallas-schools-clear-backpacks\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">what they are allowed to bring into school\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and even restrict \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2016/04/dress-codes-after-columbine/624407/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">what they’re allowed to wear\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">As an alternative to counting on increased security to keep students safe, Shalaby points to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://jyd.pitt.edu/ojs/jyd/article/view/19-14-04-PA-3\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> saying that young people are less likely to commit community violence when they join pro-social activities such as mentorships, arts programs and after school sports. Providing access to practices and activities that foster belonging increases safety without relying on rules to control students’ bodies and behavior.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" lang=\"en\">The first question comes from this artwork by Molly Costello, recently reprinted in Lessons in Liberation: An Abolitionist Toolkit for Educators (AK Press, 2021). “Are my actions grounded in cultivating safety or control?” \u003ca href=\"https://t.co/vSEDtZJP2h\">pic.twitter.com/vSEDtZJP2h\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>— Carla Shalaby (@CarlaShalaby) \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/CarlaShalaby/status/1556306636934979588?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">August 7, 2022\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>6. Am I defining safety in a way that requires control or freedom?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When schools use restrictive regulations, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59560/how-do-you-stop-cheating-students-hint-tech-isnt-the-only-answer\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">security and surveillance\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> to make schools safer, they operate on the idea that taking away students’ autonomy will lead to safety. According to Shalaby, freedom is an essential part of safety.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Safety is the practice of freedom responsibly,” she said. “In order to learn how to do that, students need to practice being accountable to others.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If rules are too constraining, students don’t have the opportunity to make decisions to keep each other safe. Instead of relying on restrictions as a means to safety, Shalaby recommends a “We keep us safe” mentality. “We mind our actions in terms of how they affect and impact other people. We learn to take accountability for the harm that we cause and set things right. Those are the things that increase our safety.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>7. Does enforcing this rule require me to behave like a police officer or an educator?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If a student is on their phone during class, a teacher might tell the student to put the phone away or even confiscate the phone. And they’ll likely have to do this several times a week. “It’s the one policy that no matter how hard they enforce it, kids break the rule,” said Shalaby\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Recent studies show that the temptation to look at \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59094/does-my-kid-have-a-tech-addiction\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">cell phone screens is powerful for young people\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, who can get \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kiro7.com/news/trending/teacher-records-800-phone-alerts-her-students-course-day/BHHOS5SFVNH5PNU2QNOCZ4S4ZI/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">hundreds of notifications during the course of a school day\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Instead of getting mixed up in a power struggle with her students over policing their phone use, she turns it into a conversation. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Nobody tells me when or how I’m allowed to use my phone,” said Shalaby about the complex decisions she has to make around using her phone as an adult outside of school. “What’s the real and genuine and authentic opportunity to teach and learn something about freedom?’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">She shifts away from trying to get rid of phones completely to helping students make safe and healthy decisions about screen time and responsible phone use. They can discuss how to change settings to receive less notifications, understand the addictive nature of phones and how their phone use may impact other learners.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>8. Why do I teach?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Teachers make decisions that align with why they teach. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“If the reason I teach is to deliver instruction in a content area, then nothing else is going to matter,” said Shalaby. “If the reason I teach is because I want a safer, freer and more beautiful world than the one that we have now and I believe in young people as stewards of that possible future, then I’m going to make different moves in my every day as a teacher.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Historically, educators have played an important role in freedom movements and at the forefront of struggles. They registered people to vote, promoted literacy campaigns and organized students to \u003ca href=\"https://news.yahoo.com/oral-histories-nearly-300-civil-135332641.html?guccounter=1\">advocate for civil rights\u003c/a>. Teachers today can continue the work of teachers who came before and give students the opportunities and skills to practice and build a better world, said Shalaby.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At the same time, it’s hard to be a teacher right now. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Teachers are abused, mistreated, disrespected and disinvested in, so asking people why they teach now is such a hard and painful question,” said Shalaby.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Envisioning a new world with students keeps her from feeling demoralized because she’s actively working towards a future where everyone, including teachers, are valued. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Teaching is not for everyone and I think anybody who has the privilege of doing it ought to ask themselves every day, ‘Why do I do this?’ And, ‘Are my actions aligning with my purpose?’”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Classroom management styles run the gamut, from controlling to free. Educator Carla Shalaby provides back-to-school strategies for teachers who want to manage their classrooms more effectively.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1700528879,"stats":{"hasAudio":true,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":39,"wordCount":1776},"headData":{"title":"Want more meaningful classroom management? Here are 8 questions teachers can ask themselves. | KQED","description":"Educator Carla Shalaby provides back-to-school strategies for teachers who want to manage their classrooms more effectively.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"Educator Carla Shalaby provides back-to-school strategies for teachers who want to manage their classrooms more effectively.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Want more meaningful classroom management? Here are 8 questions teachers can ask themselves.","datePublished":"2022-08-29T07:18:19.000Z","dateModified":"2023-11-21T01:07:59.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"audioUrl":"https://dcs.megaphone.fm/KQINC9096356573.mp3?key=c09807f43df7464d183fc6e1ad3bc9d8&request_event_id=6690caeb-2a10-47d3-bbd5-b0fa34f36f62","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/59777/want-more-meaningful-classroom-management-here-are-8-questions-teachers-can-ask-themselves","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The first days of school usually include going over ground rules for the classroom as students return from nearly three months of summer break. All teachers approach this process differently, from posting rules on the board to co-creating norms as a class. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There’s nothing inherently wrong with coming up with all the rules by yourself or deciding all the rules as a class, said Detroit-based educator Carla Shalaby, author of the book \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://thenewpress.com/books/troublemakers\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Troublemakers: Lessons in Freedom.”\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> But she also encourages teachers to consider how norms are carried out and what they communicate to students. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Classroom management in itself is a curriculum,” said Shalaby about how teachers – often without knowing – are teaching young people through rules. “We think we’re teaching math; they’re paying attention to how we’re teaching power, authority, use of control, definitions of safety, who gets to belong and who’s good or bad.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A former public school teacher, Shalaby now trains educators at the University of Michigan’s School of Education. She helped open a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://soe.umich.edu/p20\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">partnership school\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> with the Detroit Public Schools Community District where she’ll be working with novice teachers who work with kids from infancy to graduation.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When she trains teachers, Shalaby provides a list of eight questions they can ask themselves to guide how they think about classroom management.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>1. Do I use power to manage people in a space or do I use it to hold and make space?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Children are not born knowing how to talk through what to do when someone breaks a rule or causes harm. So they’re looking to teachers as models for how power is used. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“[These skills] are hard to teach and learn at home because home is not a democratic community. It’s a private space,” said Shalaby. “School is kids’ first exposure to the problems of the community.” \u003c/span>\u003cbr>\n\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"aside","attributes":{"named":{"postid":"’mindshift_58616′","label":""},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cbr>\n\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Shalaby encourages teachers to try out new models of power that feel fair and democratic. For example, teachers can opt to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/49558/a-deeper-look-at-the-whole-school-approach-to-behavior\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">not kick kids out\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of class when they misbehave.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Give kids practice in the problems that come up when you really try to take care of every single person without removing people from your space,” said Shalaby. Kids who violate rules will also develop the skills needed to take accountability. “We’re all human beings in this project together and in this space together, and we’ve got to figure out how to do it for 180 days.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>2. Am I serving kids by having a comprehensive set of rules that eliminates all potential conflict, harm and drama?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sometimes rules are used to get ahead of any possible issue that might come up in the classroom. But disagreement and conflict can be generative for children and in the future when they’re adults.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Solving all problems takes away kids’ opportunities to practice how to solve problems,” said Shalaby. When teachers eliminate the possibility of conflict, kids don’t learn essential basics, she said. For example, students might have a hard time working well in small groups without an adult because they don’t have the skills to find solutions on their own. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Kids grow to understand that the person in power gets to do that,” said Shalaby.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While it may seem like more work to deal with problems collaboratively than it is to decide and enforce rules, Shalaby said it takes more time in the long run to constantly redirect kids when they fail to comply.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>3. If a student asks ‘Why?,’ will your reason for having the policy stand up to the uniquely smart and relentless scrutiny of 30+ young people collectively seeking freedom? \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Saying “because I said so” can lead to the “nightmare of an un-winnable power struggle” against students, said Shalaby. And it’s not worth it.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“The main way that time gets wasted in classrooms is power struggle,” she said. “It’s exhausting. It’s driving teachers out of our profession. It’s pushing kids out of school.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"200\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https://playlist.megaphone.fm/?e=KQINC9096356573&light=true\" width=\"100%\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003cbr>\n\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>4. Does this classroom rule exist only because I happen to have a personal pet peeve?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Teachers can tell students that a rule is based on a personal pet peeve, but they have to be prepared to accommodate everyone’s pet peeves because teachers are just another member of the classroom community, said Shalaby. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It’s difficult for students and teachers alike to make space for each person’s unique quirks when everyone is used to deferring to a teacher. Students discover how to deal with the tensions and questions that come up when they are trying to make everyone feel like they belong.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“It’s the space and the time to skill build around harm, how we treat each other, how and whether we take care of each other and what the real challenges are in balancing what I need against what a group needs,” said Shalaby. “Those are really hard democratic problems that kids need many years of practice with.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>5. Are my actions grounded in cultivating safety or control?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A common misunderstanding is that more rules make classrooms safer, according to Shalaby. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Those are efforts to try to avoid bad things happening by exerting more control over human beings, constraining their rights more and more so that they can be trustworthy,” she said. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Shalaby admits that safety and control are tricky subjects these days in light of recent school shootings. In response, schools \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://theintercept.com/2018/05/30/face-recognition-schools-school-shootings/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">monitor students’ movements\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> around campus, limit \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2022/07/19/1112211589/dallas-schools-clear-backpacks\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">what they are allowed to bring into school\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and even restrict \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2016/04/dress-codes-after-columbine/624407/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">what they’re allowed to wear\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">As an alternative to counting on increased security to keep students safe, Shalaby points to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://jyd.pitt.edu/ojs/jyd/article/view/19-14-04-PA-3\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> saying that young people are less likely to commit community violence when they join pro-social activities such as mentorships, arts programs and after school sports. Providing access to practices and activities that foster belonging increases safety without relying on rules to control students’ bodies and behavior.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" lang=\"en\">The first question comes from this artwork by Molly Costello, recently reprinted in Lessons in Liberation: An Abolitionist Toolkit for Educators (AK Press, 2021). “Are my actions grounded in cultivating safety or control?” \u003ca href=\"https://t.co/vSEDtZJP2h\">pic.twitter.com/vSEDtZJP2h\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>— Carla Shalaby (@CarlaShalaby) \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/CarlaShalaby/status/1556306636934979588?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">August 7, 2022\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>6. Am I defining safety in a way that requires control or freedom?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When schools use restrictive regulations, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59560/how-do-you-stop-cheating-students-hint-tech-isnt-the-only-answer\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">security and surveillance\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> to make schools safer, they operate on the idea that taking away students’ autonomy will lead to safety. According to Shalaby, freedom is an essential part of safety.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Safety is the practice of freedom responsibly,” she said. “In order to learn how to do that, students need to practice being accountable to others.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If rules are too constraining, students don’t have the opportunity to make decisions to keep each other safe. Instead of relying on restrictions as a means to safety, Shalaby recommends a “We keep us safe” mentality. “We mind our actions in terms of how they affect and impact other people. We learn to take accountability for the harm that we cause and set things right. Those are the things that increase our safety.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>7. Does enforcing this rule require me to behave like a police officer or an educator?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If a student is on their phone during class, a teacher might tell the student to put the phone away or even confiscate the phone. And they’ll likely have to do this several times a week. “It’s the one policy that no matter how hard they enforce it, kids break the rule,” said Shalaby\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Recent studies show that the temptation to look at \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/59094/does-my-kid-have-a-tech-addiction\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">cell phone screens is powerful for young people\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, who can get \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kiro7.com/news/trending/teacher-records-800-phone-alerts-her-students-course-day/BHHOS5SFVNH5PNU2QNOCZ4S4ZI/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">hundreds of notifications during the course of a school day\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Instead of getting mixed up in a power struggle with her students over policing their phone use, she turns it into a conversation. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Nobody tells me when or how I’m allowed to use my phone,” said Shalaby about the complex decisions she has to make around using her phone as an adult outside of school. “What’s the real and genuine and authentic opportunity to teach and learn something about freedom?’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">She shifts away from trying to get rid of phones completely to helping students make safe and healthy decisions about screen time and responsible phone use. They can discuss how to change settings to receive less notifications, understand the addictive nature of phones and how their phone use may impact other learners.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>8. Why do I teach?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Teachers make decisions that align with why they teach. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“If the reason I teach is to deliver instruction in a content area, then nothing else is going to matter,” said Shalaby. “If the reason I teach is because I want a safer, freer and more beautiful world than the one that we have now and I believe in young people as stewards of that possible future, then I’m going to make different moves in my every day as a teacher.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Historically, educators have played an important role in freedom movements and at the forefront of struggles. They registered people to vote, promoted literacy campaigns and organized students to \u003ca href=\"https://news.yahoo.com/oral-histories-nearly-300-civil-135332641.html?guccounter=1\">advocate for civil rights\u003c/a>. Teachers today can continue the work of teachers who came before and give students the opportunities and skills to practice and build a better world, said Shalaby.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At the same time, it’s hard to be a teacher right now. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Teachers are abused, mistreated, disrespected and disinvested in, so asking people why they teach now is such a hard and painful question,” said Shalaby.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Envisioning a new world with students keeps her from feeling demoralized because she’s actively working towards a future where everyone, including teachers, are valued. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Teaching is not for everyone and I think anybody who has the privilege of doing it ought to ask themselves every day, ‘Why do I do this?’ And, ‘Are my actions aligning with my purpose?’”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/59777/want-more-meaningful-classroom-management-here-are-8-questions-teachers-can-ask-themselves","authors":["11721"],"programs":["mindshift_21847"],"categories":["mindshift_20729","mindshift_21130","mindshift_21848"],"tags":["mindshift_21198","mindshift_21474","mindshift_698","mindshift_21167","mindshift_20794","mindshift_21134","mindshift_21213","mindshift_72","mindshift_21252"],"featImg":"mindshift_59783","label":"mindshift_21847"},"mindshift_58968":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_58968","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"58968","score":null,"sort":[1642752055000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"salivas-special-bond-babies-know-swapping-it-signals-love","title":"Saliva’s special bond: Babies know swapping it signals love","publishDate":1642752055,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>Even before they can talk, young babies know that two people must have a close relationship if they're willing to do to anything that involves swapping saliva.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kissing on the mouth, sharing a spoon, taking licks off of someone's ice-cream cone — all of these activities generally only happen when people have an especially intimate relationship, and this fact appears to be obvious to infants who are only 8 to 10 months old, according to a new \u003ca href=\"http://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.abh1054\">study\u003c/a> in the journal \u003cem>Science\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"From a really young age, without much experience at all with these things, infants are able to understand not only who is connected but how they are connected,\" says \u003ca href=\"http://saxelab.mit.edu/people/ashley-thomas\">Ashley Thomas\u003c/a> of MIT, who studies what babies and young children understand about the complexities of their social world. \"They are able to distinguish between different kinds of cooperative relationships.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Who do babies look to first?\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Thomas and her colleagues reached that conclusion after showing videos of carefully crafted puppet shows to babies and toddlers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of their videos shows a woman rolling a ball back and forth with a blue fuzzy puppet. Then another woman shares an orange with that same puppet by putting a slice of orange in her mouth, then letting the puppet nibble on the slice, and then putting it back in her own mouth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Both of these interactions are perfectly friendly and pro-social,\" says Thomas, but taking bites off the same food suggests a more intimate relationship than simply playing ball.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To test whether infants made this distinction, the video then shows the two women with the blue fuzzy puppet in between them. The puppet starts to cry and puts its head down, as if it is suddenly unhappy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When the puppet cried, infants and toddlers looked first and looked longer at the woman who had shared bites of her orange.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They're looking in that direction because they expect something to happen there,\" says Thomas. \"They expect that woman to be the one to respond to the puppet's distress.\u003cstrong>\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When the two women were shown with a totally new puppet that started to cry, however, infants and young children looked at both women equally often. This suggested that they didn't see this particular food-sharing woman as especially helpful; instead, her relationship with the puppet was what really mattered.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To make sure it wasn't just sharing of food that seemed to make babies infer the existence of a close social connection, the researchers created another, similar video. This time, instead of sharing an orange slice, a woman simply put her finger in her own mouth and then put it in a purple puppet's mouth, before putting it back in her own mouth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then that same woman also interacted with a green puppet, touching its forehead and then touching her own forehead. After that, the video showed the woman seemingly in distress, with the purple and green puppets looking on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Infants and toddlers gazed at the purple puppet that had the more intimate, finger-in-the-mouth interaction, as if expecting this puppet to be more affected by the woman's consternation, presumably because they seemed to have a closer relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The researchers also studied older children, aged 5 to 7, and told them about another child who was sharing stuff. Some of the sharing involved contact with saliva, although the scientists never explicitly referred to spit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We just said, like, 'This kid is eating applesauce with a spoon and he shares his applesauce with one of these two people using his spoon. Who do you think he shared with?' And the choices were always between a family member and a friend,\" explains Thomas.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For items that could be easily divvied up, like separate pieces of candy or toys, kids thought a person was just as likely to share with a friend as a family member.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"But when it comes to saliva-sharing items, like sharing an ice cream cone or using the same spoon, then kids think that the kid is more likely to share with family,\" says Thomas.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Saliva as social glue\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Other researchers find these results intriguing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"These findings not only illuminate what young children understand about the social structures around them but also spark further questions regarding how children come to acquire these expectations and how universal they might be,\" writes \u003ca href=\"https://katalog.uu.se/profile/?id=N11-1148\">Christine Fawcett\u003c/a> of Uppsala University in Sweden, in a \u003ca href=\"http://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.abn5157\">commentary\u003c/a> that was published along with this new study.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She notes that the idea of exchanging saliva with a stranger can create feelings of disgust, perhaps as a way to protect people from contamination or disease, but that people will happily do this with those close to them, even pet dogs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There could be an evolutionary pressure to suppress disgust with bodily substances to aid in taking care of babies, and infants' experience of this kind of caretaking could then lead to a learned expectation that such behavior is associated with closeness, Fawcett points out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But \u003ca href=\"https://anthro.ucla.edu/person/alan-page-fiske/\">Alan Fiske\u003c/a>, an anthropologist at UCLA, believes that babies have an innate understanding of certain kinds of social relationships. He's \u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1991-97016-000\">written\u003c/a> that humans are born primed to recognize four fundamental forms of relationships, and he calls this study \"enormously important.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In relationships characterized by \"communal sharing,\" he says, sharing saliva \"is a way of connecting bodies, or making bodies the same in some respect. And that's the crucial thing. When people feel that some how they are essentially the same, almost in an embodied way, then they feel socially the same.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Spit sharing is one instance of, or one type of, connecting bodies physically through bodily substances,\" says Fiske. But there are other ways — such as having sex, breastfeeding, or even mingling blood to become \"blood brothers.\" The ritual of communion in Christianity, he notes, involves ingesting the body and blood of Jesus Christ as a way for that religion to express and reinforce a communal sharing relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This kind of close relationship can be created between people in other ways that don't involve body fluids, however, such as grooming, snuggling and hugging, or synchronous rhythmic movement such as dancing or marching, says Fiske.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In this view, babies seem to just know all this innately. He believes that future studies will show that babies not only observe these activities to understand the social links of those around them, but also actively initiate these behaviors themselves in order to forge relationships with others.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They know how to hug and snuggle, and they know how to feed you, and they like to do those things,\" says Fiske. \"And they don't feed just anybody, they feed the people that they love. They don't cuddle with just anybody, they cuddle with the people that they love.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2022 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Even+babies+and+toddlers+know+that+swapping+saliva+is+a+sure+sign+of+love&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"For infants, toddlers, and children, one sign of an especially close relationship is if two people do something that involves exchanging saliva, like taking bites from the same piece of food.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1642752055,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":29,"wordCount":1147},"headData":{"title":"Saliva’s special bond: Babies know swapping it signals love - MindShift","description":"Babies and toddlers know that activities involving swapping saliva – such as sharing food or kisses – generally only happen when people have an especially intimate relationship.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Saliva’s special bond: Babies know swapping it signals love","datePublished":"2022-01-21T08:00:55.000Z","dateModified":"2022-01-21T08:00:55.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"58968 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=58968","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2022/01/21/salivas-special-bond-babies-know-swapping-it-signals-love/","disqusTitle":"Saliva’s special bond: Babies know swapping it signals love","nprImageCredit":"freemixer","nprByline":"Nell Greenfieldboyce","nprImageAgency":"Getty Images","nprStoryId":"1074256096","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=1074256096&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"https://www.npr.org/2022/01/20/1074256096/even-babies-and-toddlers-know-that-swapping-saliva-is-a-sure-sign-of-love?ft=nprml&f=1074256096","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Thu, 20 Jan 2022 22:04:00 -0500","nprStoryDate":"Thu, 20 Jan 2022 14:00:00 -0500","nprLastModifiedDate":"Thu, 20 Jan 2022 19:03:03 -0500","nprAudio":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/atc/2022/01/20220120_atc_even_babies_and_toddlers_know_that_swapping_saliva_is_a_sure_sign_of_love.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1007&d=226&p=2&story=1074256096&ft=nprml&f=1074256096","nprAudioM3u":"http://api.npr.org/m3u/11074500493-d05269.m3u?orgId=1&topicId=1007&d=226&p=2&story=1074256096&ft=nprml&f=1074256096","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","path":"/mindshift/58968/salivas-special-bond-babies-know-swapping-it-signals-love","audioUrl":"https://ondemand.npr.org/anon.npr-mp3/npr/atc/2022/01/20220120_atc_even_babies_and_toddlers_know_that_swapping_saliva_is_a_sure_sign_of_love.mp3?orgId=1&topicId=1007&d=226&p=2&story=1074256096&ft=nprml&f=1074256096","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Even before they can talk, young babies know that two people must have a close relationship if they're willing to do to anything that involves swapping saliva.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kissing on the mouth, sharing a spoon, taking licks off of someone's ice-cream cone — all of these activities generally only happen when people have an especially intimate relationship, and this fact appears to be obvious to infants who are only 8 to 10 months old, according to a new \u003ca href=\"http://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.abh1054\">study\u003c/a> in the journal \u003cem>Science\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"From a really young age, without much experience at all with these things, infants are able to understand not only who is connected but how they are connected,\" says \u003ca href=\"http://saxelab.mit.edu/people/ashley-thomas\">Ashley Thomas\u003c/a> of MIT, who studies what babies and young children understand about the complexities of their social world. \"They are able to distinguish between different kinds of cooperative relationships.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Who do babies look to first?\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Thomas and her colleagues reached that conclusion after showing videos of carefully crafted puppet shows to babies and toddlers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of their videos shows a woman rolling a ball back and forth with a blue fuzzy puppet. Then another woman shares an orange with that same puppet by putting a slice of orange in her mouth, then letting the puppet nibble on the slice, and then putting it back in her own mouth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Both of these interactions are perfectly friendly and pro-social,\" says Thomas, but taking bites off the same food suggests a more intimate relationship than simply playing ball.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To test whether infants made this distinction, the video then shows the two women with the blue fuzzy puppet in between them. The puppet starts to cry and puts its head down, as if it is suddenly unhappy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When the puppet cried, infants and toddlers looked first and looked longer at the woman who had shared bites of her orange.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They're looking in that direction because they expect something to happen there,\" says Thomas. \"They expect that woman to be the one to respond to the puppet's distress.\u003cstrong>\"\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When the two women were shown with a totally new puppet that started to cry, however, infants and young children looked at both women equally often. This suggested that they didn't see this particular food-sharing woman as especially helpful; instead, her relationship with the puppet was what really mattered.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To make sure it wasn't just sharing of food that seemed to make babies infer the existence of a close social connection, the researchers created another, similar video. This time, instead of sharing an orange slice, a woman simply put her finger in her own mouth and then put it in a purple puppet's mouth, before putting it back in her own mouth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then that same woman also interacted with a green puppet, touching its forehead and then touching her own forehead. After that, the video showed the woman seemingly in distress, with the purple and green puppets looking on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Infants and toddlers gazed at the purple puppet that had the more intimate, finger-in-the-mouth interaction, as if expecting this puppet to be more affected by the woman's consternation, presumably because they seemed to have a closer relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The researchers also studied older children, aged 5 to 7, and told them about another child who was sharing stuff. Some of the sharing involved contact with saliva, although the scientists never explicitly referred to spit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We just said, like, 'This kid is eating applesauce with a spoon and he shares his applesauce with one of these two people using his spoon. Who do you think he shared with?' And the choices were always between a family member and a friend,\" explains Thomas.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For items that could be easily divvied up, like separate pieces of candy or toys, kids thought a person was just as likely to share with a friend as a family member.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"But when it comes to saliva-sharing items, like sharing an ice cream cone or using the same spoon, then kids think that the kid is more likely to share with family,\" says Thomas.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Saliva as social glue\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Other researchers find these results intriguing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"These findings not only illuminate what young children understand about the social structures around them but also spark further questions regarding how children come to acquire these expectations and how universal they might be,\" writes \u003ca href=\"https://katalog.uu.se/profile/?id=N11-1148\">Christine Fawcett\u003c/a> of Uppsala University in Sweden, in a \u003ca href=\"http://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.abn5157\">commentary\u003c/a> that was published along with this new study.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She notes that the idea of exchanging saliva with a stranger can create feelings of disgust, perhaps as a way to protect people from contamination or disease, but that people will happily do this with those close to them, even pet dogs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There could be an evolutionary pressure to suppress disgust with bodily substances to aid in taking care of babies, and infants' experience of this kind of caretaking could then lead to a learned expectation that such behavior is associated with closeness, Fawcett points out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But \u003ca href=\"https://anthro.ucla.edu/person/alan-page-fiske/\">Alan Fiske\u003c/a>, an anthropologist at UCLA, believes that babies have an innate understanding of certain kinds of social relationships. He's \u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1991-97016-000\">written\u003c/a> that humans are born primed to recognize four fundamental forms of relationships, and he calls this study \"enormously important.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In relationships characterized by \"communal sharing,\" he says, sharing saliva \"is a way of connecting bodies, or making bodies the same in some respect. And that's the crucial thing. When people feel that some how they are essentially the same, almost in an embodied way, then they feel socially the same.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Spit sharing is one instance of, or one type of, connecting bodies physically through bodily substances,\" says Fiske. But there are other ways — such as having sex, breastfeeding, or even mingling blood to become \"blood brothers.\" The ritual of communion in Christianity, he notes, involves ingesting the body and blood of Jesus Christ as a way for that religion to express and reinforce a communal sharing relationship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This kind of close relationship can be created between people in other ways that don't involve body fluids, however, such as grooming, snuggling and hugging, or synchronous rhythmic movement such as dancing or marching, says Fiske.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In this view, babies seem to just know all this innately. He believes that future studies will show that babies not only observe these activities to understand the social links of those around them, but also actively initiate these behaviors themselves in order to forge relationships with others.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They know how to hug and snuggle, and they know how to feed you, and they like to do those things,\" says Fiske. \"And they don't feed just anybody, they feed the people that they love. They don't cuddle with just anybody, they cuddle with the people that they love.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2022 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Even+babies+and+toddlers+know+that+swapping+saliva+is+a+sure+sign+of+love&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/58968/salivas-special-bond-babies-know-swapping-it-signals-love","authors":["byline_mindshift_58968"],"categories":["mindshift_21385"],"tags":["mindshift_767","mindshift_20720","mindshift_21414","mindshift_21134"],"featImg":"mindshift_58969","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_57010":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_57010","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"57010","score":null,"sort":[1606729048000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-understanding-middle-school-friendships-can-help-students","title":"How Understanding Middle School Friendships Can Help Students With Ups and Downs","publishDate":1606729048,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>When an accusation like “you don’t care” hurtles an adult’s way, the inner turmoil of adolescence can seem purely excruciating. But these reactions actually stem from a positive force, says Ronald Dahl, who founded the Center for the Developing Adolescent at the University of California, Berkeley: a unique drive to find meaning in life and relationships. And no relationship, parents and educators \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0193397310000651\">know well\u003c/a>, is as central to the moment-to-moment wellbeing of most tweens and teens as \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">friendship\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Spending time with their friends isn’t just a pastime,” says \u003ca href=\"http://mitch.web.unc.edu/\">Mitch Prinstein\u003c/a>, professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina. “It’s actually something that they need for their brain development and identity formation. They don’t know who they are until they see themselves through their peers’ eyes. So there is a lot of testing out new roles, new relationships.” It can all be quite stressful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Think about how crushed young teens can feel when a formerly close friend becomes distant or the shame that can follow disclosure of sensitive information to a mere acquaintance. Knowing what studies show—for example, that humans tend to have frenemies and we often confide intimacies in people we aren’t that close to—can assuage adolescents’ fear of being abnormal. Frank discussions like these are important to have at school, since parents of seventh and eighth graders \u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-011\">have been shown\u003c/a> to talk to their kids about peer interactions less than parents of elementary-age kids do. Knowing what’s normative can reduce the stress of peer interactions, leaving more bandwidth for learning. In fact, \u003ca href=\"https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ888657\">experts estimate\u003c/a> that the quality of relationships with peers accounts for 33 to 40 percent of the variance in achievement in middle school.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Characteristics of Healthy Friendships\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Among adults, healthy friendships are \"voluntary, personal, positive, and persistent,” Lydia Denworth writes in her 2020 book \u003ca href=\"https://lydiadenworth.com/books/friendship/\">Friendship\u003c/a>, “and they usually assume some measure of equality.” Kids should know that they can decide whether to invest in a relationship or not, and there’s a \u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/23/well/family/quarantine-tween-drama.html\">mathematical formula\u003c/a> for making that call: “the satisfaction and commitment we derive should be greater than the investment we make and the alternatives we forgo.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Miriam Romero, a public school teacher in San Francisco, puts it this way to her fifth-grade students: “It’s okay to walk away or take a break from relationships that aren't supportive.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cstrong>People make friend connections differently\u003c/strong> \u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Yet not all net-positive friendships look the same. Sociologist Sarah H. Matthews of Cleveland State University talks about three distinct styles of friendship: independent, discerning, and acquisitive. Independent people tend to be happy socializing casually with whoever’s around, while “discerning people are deeply tied to a few very close friends,” Denworth explains. The third sort, acquisitive people, “collect a variety of friends as they move through life. They are open to meeting new people, but keep up old relationships, too.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Humans also “vary in their tendency to introduce their friends to one another,” she reports. Just because a friend wants to hangout with someone else doesn’t mean they don’t value you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cliques, or “friend groups” as teenagers call them, differ too. “They can be hierarchical, or they can be roughly egalitarian,” Denworth says. “They can be tightly knit or looser and more porous.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Media often showcases the discerning style of friendship and close, exclusive groups, making kids long for besties like the ones in \"The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.\" Informing teenagers that human friendship isn’t like that all the time can ease anxiety that their own ties are inferior.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Friendships are about fit, not feats\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>For humans of all ages, says \u003ca href=\"http://www.psy.fau.edu/people/laursen.php\">Brett Laursen\u003c/a>, a child psychology professor at Florida Atlantic University, the research is unequivocal: “Concordance is the foundation of friendship.” \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">Similarity\u003c/a> predicts both friendship formation and friendship survival. (Conformity then can be seen as an attempt to both achieve and maintain similarity in order to win and keep friends, respectively.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdep.12246\">In studies\u003c/a>, “friends who differed on peer acceptance, physical aggression, and school competence had relationships that ended sooner than friends who were similar on these attributes.” \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Notice what Laursen, who is also editor in chief of the \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">International Journal of Behavioral Development\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, isn’t saying. It’s not that rejects, ruffians, and nerds are inherently unlikeable; spending time with them may just be more appealing to other rejects, ruffians, and nerds.\u003c/span> \u003ca href=\"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jora.12432\">Another study\u003c/a> extended this concept to “internalizing symptoms,” things like acting anxious, ruminating excessively, and self-consciousness. Those behaviors decreased the longevity of a friendship when only one friend displayed them, but the effect disappeared when both kids struggled. As Laursen put it, “a bad habit is not necessarily a turnoff as long as both friends share the same habit.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While similarity on undesirable traits shouldn’t be the primary goal in forming friendships—after all, humans of all ages get the most out of pairing with friends who share their positive traits—tweens should understand that doing friendship right is about finding someone who suits you best, not winning over objectively wonderful or high-status peers.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Friendship ambivalence and churn is completely normal\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>While some friendships are overwhelmingly positive and others clearly negative, “ambivalent ties make up a sizable part of our social world—almost half,” Denworth writes. In other words, frenemies are normal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What’s more, about half of friend nominations are not reciprocated. Having a best friend who also nominates you as their best friend, \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2352147/\">one study\u003c/a> says, has a positive impact on GPA and increases the feeling of school belonging, which in turn \u003ca href=\"https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a33608758/virtual-learning-tips-for-parents/\">increases motivation\u003c/a>, yet having your friend rank someone else as a better friend is also entirely normal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Friendships that wane are too. In \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30558749/\">one study\u003c/a>, two-thirds of students reported changes in their friends across sixth grade. Another \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26187246/\">confirmed\u003c/a> that only about half of an adolescent’s friendships are maintained over a school year, and in that study, only one percent of friendships formed in seventh grade were still intact by senior year of high school. \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/Pfagell/status/1250112801072447493\">Phyllis Fagell\u003c/a>, a school counselor in Washington, D.C. and author of \"\u003ca href=\"https://phyllisfagell.com/middle-school-matters/\">Middle School Matters\u003c/a>,\" \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56993/tips-for-cultivating-healthy-school-friendships-online\">tells her students\u003c/a>: “Every single one of you is going to get rejected at some point, and it’s not because there’s something wrong with you. This is just a time when kids are figuring out how to choose—and be—a good friend.” And that’s true for both girls and boys, researchers \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30558749/\">report\u003c/a>, having found little sex difference in friendship stability.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Part of it, Denworth explains, is that what more mature adolescents require of friends differs from the needs of children and early adolescents: “Play turns into hanging around. Sharing turns into helping. Loyalty and intimacy become more central requirements.” Ms. Romero, the San Francisco teacher, says, “It's very difficult for children who have had the same friends since they were very young to know how to handle it when one or both of them are outgrowing a friendship or both just need different things from the relationship in time.” She does her best to be aware of \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">social dynamics\u003c/a> in the classroom, but says, “it’s often important to hear from past teachers, and parents too, to contextualize current relationships.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Administrators can use this same information to stabilize friendships. Though friendship churn in middle school is to be expected, friendship turnover has been shown to \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30558749/\">decrease academic\u003c/a> functioning. Professor Jaana Juvonen, a UCLA psychologist, theorizes that both losing friends and making new ones takes energy and focus. She says educators who want to see a bump in test scores should consider scaffolding—by, for example, assigning known friends to the same classes and explicitly teaching relationship skills—to reduce friendship instability, especially since, for tweens and young teens, it \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30558749/\">can mimic\u003c/a> the intensity of falling in love and suffering heartbreak.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Spilling tea isn’t the worst thing that ever happened\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>We all know gossip isn’t just an adolescence thing. (It’s \u003ca href=\"https://sociology.stanford.edu/publications/virtues-gossip-reputational-information-sharing-prosocial-behavior\">not necessarily\u003c/a> an antisocial thing either.) But a child who has spilled the beans about themselves or a friend can feel like they’re the first and worst to do so.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One Harvard sociologist found that humans often confide in people they aren’t that close to, Denworth reports, quoting Mario Luis Small:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>One reason we do this is to explicitly avoid our usual intimates. “The guy who has cancer doesn’t want to tell his wife because he doesn’t want to worry her.” . . . Second, people look for others with similar experience or professional expertise. That could be a doctor or a therapist, or a relative stranger. “People favored empathy more than they feared being hurt ….” The third reason is the simplest of all. “They just talked to the person because they were there.”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Kids do have to learn about discernment and loyalty in relationships, but it helps no one for them to hold themselves to superhuman standards.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>It can be good to fight\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>That’s true not just of secret keeping, but fighting too. \u003ca href=\"https://curry.virginia.edu/scott-gest\">Scott Gest\u003c/a>, professor and chair of human services at the Curry School of Education and Human Development, says conflict between friends often gets a bum rap, but it serves an important developmental function. Research shows that conflicts between reciprocal friends occur just as frequently as between non-friends, he says, but the resolution of conflict between friends tends to be more equitable, because they’re motivated to continue the relationship. These types of skirmishes also lead to “increases in the quality of children’s moral reasoning, presumably because they’re motivated to understand their friend’s point of view,” says Gest.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Popularity\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>For young children, likeability is key, but in middle school “it’s not just about the kids you like anymore,” Mitch Prinstein says. Adolescent brains become activated in new ways and neurochemicals make tweens obsessed with the other kind of popularity, status. That’s not necessarily bad news for middle school friendship. “In the United States, status and likability were very distinct attributes—there was only modest overlap between those teenagers high in one quality and those high in the other,” Prinstein writes in the book \u003ca href=\"http://www.mitchprinstein.com/books/popular-book/\">Popular\u003c/a>: “But in China, adolescents who had high status were often also those who were judged to be the most likable.” That means educators should be able to channel this biological imperative for good, by creating a school culture where treating each other with compassion and inclusion has social currency.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Unsurprisingly, when schools successfully do that, “grades go up, attention goes up, wellness goes up, and other school outcomes go up,” Prinstein says. It’s easier said than done though. Laursen recommends a targeted approach with teachers identifying the most influential \u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-008\">small friend groups\u003c/a> in each class and getting those kids on board with new norms first. “\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/50960/how-being-part-of-a-house-within-a-school-helps-students-gain-a-sense-of-belonging\">House\u003c/a>” programs offer another route to a more inclusive school culture.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When talking directly to tweens and teens about popularity, it’s best to be clear: There are two types of popularity. Those who are likable—who, for example, cooperate, share, ask questions, and listen well—tend to be more successful as adults, growing up to be employed and get promotions, Prinstein says. High-status tweens are more likely to abuse substances and have unsatisfying friendships and romantic relationships as adults. Prinstein boils it down for teens: “The long term outcome of treating other people basically kindly and getting people to like you is more important than getting people to think that you’re cool.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It will also likely offer them comfort to know that “being disliked in the past will affect us only insomuch as we allow it to dictate how we behave today,” and “we all have an opportunity to become more likable—maybe hundreds of opportunities each day, in fact,” as Prinstein says. And there are upsides to growing up with low status. Research has shown these folks often end up being “perceived by others as more empathetic and more sensitive in social situations.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Plus, humans don’t all want influential friends. Denworth says some people prefer a lower status friend’s undivided attention while others want to be well-connected. Psychologist Wendy Mogel says pointing that out to teens can validate friendships based on likeability. She also tells parents: “You don't want your kid to be in the tippy-top tier of the social pyramid, as that's a fluid and volatile place to be. They just need one friend they can be themselves with.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>The value of cross-group friendships\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Just who that one person is ordinarily depends on proximity and perceived \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">similarity\u003c/a>. But friendships across ethnicity, class, and gender have all been associated with better academic outcomes, Juvonen says. Students with friendships that bridge these divides—as well as differences in body size, ability, and sexuality—report lower levels of peer victimization. They’re also more likely to have a complex social identity (e.g., Latina, basketball player, sister, gamer) rather than drawing all of their self-worth from one aspect of themselves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But even in ethnically diverse middle schools, less than half of sixth-graders have at least one \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31094557/\">cross-class friendship\u003c/a>. Girls are more likely to make cross-class friendships than boys, Juvonen has \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31094557/\">found\u003c/a>, and white students are less likely to do so than all other ethnic groups.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Forming \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">cross-group friendships\u003c/a> often depends on shifting the focus from patent similarities to ones that are less so. Author Sarah Shun-lien Bynum recently explained to the \u003ca href=\"https://www.newyorker.com/books/this-week-in-fiction/sarah-shun-lien-bynum-on-friendship-and-class\">New Yorker\u003c/a> of her novella \"Many a Little Makes\": “As I was writing about the girls’ friendship, I was trying to focus more on other sources of commonality, other lines of alliance: being unathletic, liking cake batter, getting one’s period.” Teachers can help move the needle both implicitly, by pointing out less obvious similarities like these, and explicitly, by explaining the data behind the value of friendships based on internal similarities and urging kids to judge each other on actions and attitudes rather than appearance.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Gendered friendship is a construct\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>One good place to start? Gender. The modern stereotype features women who share their innermost secrets and rally to one another’s side while men stick to sporting events and stiff back slaps. But Denworth lends some historical perspective: “If you consult Aristotle and Montaigne, it was men who believed they were most capable of deep friendship. ‘Men have friends, women have acquaintances,’ went a quote collected in Calcutta ... in the 1960s.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Contemporary research shows: “Men and women define the importance of friendship in a very similar fashion. They want to have friends who are authentic and loyal and trustworthy equally.” In class discussion, teachers can ask students to think critically about the way social mores influence their friendships. They can also suggest reviving opposite-sex friendships, which get a lot less common around second grade.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Social media and friendship\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Remember that status addiction phenomenon? “This predilection seems to be becoming even more pronounced now that teens can enter a social rewards lottery with every mouse click on social media,” Prinstein says. Although more than half of teenagers have made a new friend online, according to a large 2015 survey from Pew, Denworth points to the work of statistician and research scientist Ariel Shensa: “Young adults who had a larger percentage of real-life friends on social media, meaning greater overlap, were less likely to have depression. ‘If we use social media as a tool to extend in-person social relationships, great,’ Shensa says.” But kids should know that online-only friendships are less likely to make the cut after carefully weighing costs and benefits using the friendship formula.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>If you’re lonely, you’re not the only one\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Eighty percent of adolescents \u003ca href=\"https://nsuworks.nova.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1920&context=tqr\">experience loneliness\u003c/a> at school, and about 12 percent of 6,000 sixth-graders in one of Juvonen’s studies were not named as a friend by anyone. Students with no friends “receive lower grades and are \u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-95233-001\">less academically engaged\u003c/a>,” she says. \u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00461520.2019.1655645?journalCode=hedp20\">Research\u003c/a> has also tied friendlessness and exclusion to truancy, inability to focus, deficits in working memory, and lack of classroom participation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Teenagers should know the redemptive power of their friendship for these classmates. In \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0140197119301629\">one study\u003c/a>, Juvonen found that a high quality friendship right at the time of transitioning to high school could protect rejected youth “from engaging in unsupportive behaviors within romantic relationships” down the line. In \u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.13038\">another one\u003c/a>, she concluded that hanging out with a friend who had experienced victimization alleviated a bullied adolescent’s own victimization-related distress. Knowing the power of just one friendship to serve as a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">buffer\u003c/a> that disrupts the connection between loneliness and negative outcomes, may encourage some teenagers to reach out more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ms. Romero says, “It’s sad to see how many hands go up” when she asks “who’s experienced something like this,” during a short unit that includes reading the books \"My Secret Bully\" and \"Just Kidding\" in preparation for middle school. But, “it is also so powerful to open the Pandora's box on these taboo topics and start to talk about taking control and having agency.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s a shame teachers like her have to improvise, Gest says, but when it comes to adolescents, schools tend to “become very focused on drug use prevention or sex ed, and don’t really focus on the positive dimensions of relating with peers that might actually support those prevention goals.” He sees it as a marketing issue: “If you focus on a middle school curriculum that would build emotional regulation and social relationships, no schools would buy it. If you repackage the exact same curriculum and call it something about drug prevention, it will sell.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The experts’ bottom line when it comes to teaching about healthy friendship in middle schools?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Just say yes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This article is part of the “\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/tag/friendships\">Friendship in Schools\u003c/a>” series, which explores the complexities of friendship at various stages of learning.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/gailcornwall\">Gail Cornwall\u003c/a> works as a mother and writer in San Francisco. At various stages of her life she has been considered a reject, ruffian, and nerd. Her daughter was in Miriam Romero’s class at Rooftop School last year.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Friends are a big deal to middle school students. By helping adolescents learn the ebbs and flows of friendships, experts say they can better navigate their social lives and feel better understood.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1607106080,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":43,"wordCount":3199},"headData":{"title":"How Understanding Middle School Friendships Can Help Students With Ups and Downs - MindShift","description":"Friends are a big deal to middle school students. By helping adolescents learn the ebbs and flows of friendships, experts say they can better navigate their social lives and feel better understood.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How Understanding Middle School Friendships Can Help Students With Ups and Downs","datePublished":"2020-11-30T09:37:28.000Z","dateModified":"2020-12-04T18:21:20.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"57010 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=57010","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2020/11/30/how-understanding-middle-school-friendships-can-help-students/","disqusTitle":"How Understanding Middle School Friendships Can Help Students With Ups and Downs","nprByline":"Gail Cornwall","path":"/mindshift/57010/how-understanding-middle-school-friendships-can-help-students","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>When an accusation like “you don’t care” hurtles an adult’s way, the inner turmoil of adolescence can seem purely excruciating. But these reactions actually stem from a positive force, says Ronald Dahl, who founded the Center for the Developing Adolescent at the University of California, Berkeley: a unique drive to find meaning in life and relationships. And no relationship, parents and educators \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0193397310000651\">know well\u003c/a>, is as central to the moment-to-moment wellbeing of most tweens and teens as \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">friendship\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Spending time with their friends isn’t just a pastime,” says \u003ca href=\"http://mitch.web.unc.edu/\">Mitch Prinstein\u003c/a>, professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina. “It’s actually something that they need for their brain development and identity formation. They don’t know who they are until they see themselves through their peers’ eyes. So there is a lot of testing out new roles, new relationships.” It can all be quite stressful.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Think about how crushed young teens can feel when a formerly close friend becomes distant or the shame that can follow disclosure of sensitive information to a mere acquaintance. Knowing what studies show—for example, that humans tend to have frenemies and we often confide intimacies in people we aren’t that close to—can assuage adolescents’ fear of being abnormal. Frank discussions like these are important to have at school, since parents of seventh and eighth graders \u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-011\">have been shown\u003c/a> to talk to their kids about peer interactions less than parents of elementary-age kids do. Knowing what’s normative can reduce the stress of peer interactions, leaving more bandwidth for learning. In fact, \u003ca href=\"https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ888657\">experts estimate\u003c/a> that the quality of relationships with peers accounts for 33 to 40 percent of the variance in achievement in middle school.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Characteristics of Healthy Friendships\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Among adults, healthy friendships are \"voluntary, personal, positive, and persistent,” Lydia Denworth writes in her 2020 book \u003ca href=\"https://lydiadenworth.com/books/friendship/\">Friendship\u003c/a>, “and they usually assume some measure of equality.” Kids should know that they can decide whether to invest in a relationship or not, and there’s a \u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/23/well/family/quarantine-tween-drama.html\">mathematical formula\u003c/a> for making that call: “the satisfaction and commitment we derive should be greater than the investment we make and the alternatives we forgo.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Miriam Romero, a public school teacher in San Francisco, puts it this way to her fifth-grade students: “It’s okay to walk away or take a break from relationships that aren't supportive.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cstrong>People make friend connections differently\u003c/strong> \u003c/span>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Yet not all net-positive friendships look the same. Sociologist Sarah H. Matthews of Cleveland State University talks about three distinct styles of friendship: independent, discerning, and acquisitive. Independent people tend to be happy socializing casually with whoever’s around, while “discerning people are deeply tied to a few very close friends,” Denworth explains. The third sort, acquisitive people, “collect a variety of friends as they move through life. They are open to meeting new people, but keep up old relationships, too.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Humans also “vary in their tendency to introduce their friends to one another,” she reports. Just because a friend wants to hangout with someone else doesn’t mean they don’t value you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cliques, or “friend groups” as teenagers call them, differ too. “They can be hierarchical, or they can be roughly egalitarian,” Denworth says. “They can be tightly knit or looser and more porous.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Media often showcases the discerning style of friendship and close, exclusive groups, making kids long for besties like the ones in \"The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.\" Informing teenagers that human friendship isn’t like that all the time can ease anxiety that their own ties are inferior.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Friendships are about fit, not feats\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>For humans of all ages, says \u003ca href=\"http://www.psy.fau.edu/people/laursen.php\">Brett Laursen\u003c/a>, a child psychology professor at Florida Atlantic University, the research is unequivocal: “Concordance is the foundation of friendship.” \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">Similarity\u003c/a> predicts both friendship formation and friendship survival. (Conformity then can be seen as an attempt to both achieve and maintain similarity in order to win and keep friends, respectively.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdep.12246\">In studies\u003c/a>, “friends who differed on peer acceptance, physical aggression, and school competence had relationships that ended sooner than friends who were similar on these attributes.” \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Notice what Laursen, who is also editor in chief of the \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">International Journal of Behavioral Development\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, isn’t saying. It’s not that rejects, ruffians, and nerds are inherently unlikeable; spending time with them may just be more appealing to other rejects, ruffians, and nerds.\u003c/span> \u003ca href=\"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jora.12432\">Another study\u003c/a> extended this concept to “internalizing symptoms,” things like acting anxious, ruminating excessively, and self-consciousness. Those behaviors decreased the longevity of a friendship when only one friend displayed them, but the effect disappeared when both kids struggled. As Laursen put it, “a bad habit is not necessarily a turnoff as long as both friends share the same habit.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While similarity on undesirable traits shouldn’t be the primary goal in forming friendships—after all, humans of all ages get the most out of pairing with friends who share their positive traits—tweens should understand that doing friendship right is about finding someone who suits you best, not winning over objectively wonderful or high-status peers.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Friendship ambivalence and churn is completely normal\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>While some friendships are overwhelmingly positive and others clearly negative, “ambivalent ties make up a sizable part of our social world—almost half,” Denworth writes. In other words, frenemies are normal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What’s more, about half of friend nominations are not reciprocated. Having a best friend who also nominates you as their best friend, \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2352147/\">one study\u003c/a> says, has a positive impact on GPA and increases the feeling of school belonging, which in turn \u003ca href=\"https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a33608758/virtual-learning-tips-for-parents/\">increases motivation\u003c/a>, yet having your friend rank someone else as a better friend is also entirely normal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Friendships that wane are too. In \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30558749/\">one study\u003c/a>, two-thirds of students reported changes in their friends across sixth grade. Another \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26187246/\">confirmed\u003c/a> that only about half of an adolescent’s friendships are maintained over a school year, and in that study, only one percent of friendships formed in seventh grade were still intact by senior year of high school. \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/Pfagell/status/1250112801072447493\">Phyllis Fagell\u003c/a>, a school counselor in Washington, D.C. and author of \"\u003ca href=\"https://phyllisfagell.com/middle-school-matters/\">Middle School Matters\u003c/a>,\" \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56993/tips-for-cultivating-healthy-school-friendships-online\">tells her students\u003c/a>: “Every single one of you is going to get rejected at some point, and it’s not because there’s something wrong with you. This is just a time when kids are figuring out how to choose—and be—a good friend.” And that’s true for both girls and boys, researchers \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30558749/\">report\u003c/a>, having found little sex difference in friendship stability.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Part of it, Denworth explains, is that what more mature adolescents require of friends differs from the needs of children and early adolescents: “Play turns into hanging around. Sharing turns into helping. Loyalty and intimacy become more central requirements.” Ms. Romero, the San Francisco teacher, says, “It's very difficult for children who have had the same friends since they were very young to know how to handle it when one or both of them are outgrowing a friendship or both just need different things from the relationship in time.” She does her best to be aware of \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">social dynamics\u003c/a> in the classroom, but says, “it’s often important to hear from past teachers, and parents too, to contextualize current relationships.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Administrators can use this same information to stabilize friendships. Though friendship churn in middle school is to be expected, friendship turnover has been shown to \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30558749/\">decrease academic\u003c/a> functioning. Professor Jaana Juvonen, a UCLA psychologist, theorizes that both losing friends and making new ones takes energy and focus. She says educators who want to see a bump in test scores should consider scaffolding—by, for example, assigning known friends to the same classes and explicitly teaching relationship skills—to reduce friendship instability, especially since, for tweens and young teens, it \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30558749/\">can mimic\u003c/a> the intensity of falling in love and suffering heartbreak.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Spilling tea isn’t the worst thing that ever happened\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>We all know gossip isn’t just an adolescence thing. (It’s \u003ca href=\"https://sociology.stanford.edu/publications/virtues-gossip-reputational-information-sharing-prosocial-behavior\">not necessarily\u003c/a> an antisocial thing either.) But a child who has spilled the beans about themselves or a friend can feel like they’re the first and worst to do so.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One Harvard sociologist found that humans often confide in people they aren’t that close to, Denworth reports, quoting Mario Luis Small:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>One reason we do this is to explicitly avoid our usual intimates. “The guy who has cancer doesn’t want to tell his wife because he doesn’t want to worry her.” . . . Second, people look for others with similar experience or professional expertise. That could be a doctor or a therapist, or a relative stranger. “People favored empathy more than they feared being hurt ….” The third reason is the simplest of all. “They just talked to the person because they were there.”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Kids do have to learn about discernment and loyalty in relationships, but it helps no one for them to hold themselves to superhuman standards.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>It can be good to fight\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>That’s true not just of secret keeping, but fighting too. \u003ca href=\"https://curry.virginia.edu/scott-gest\">Scott Gest\u003c/a>, professor and chair of human services at the Curry School of Education and Human Development, says conflict between friends often gets a bum rap, but it serves an important developmental function. Research shows that conflicts between reciprocal friends occur just as frequently as between non-friends, he says, but the resolution of conflict between friends tends to be more equitable, because they’re motivated to continue the relationship. These types of skirmishes also lead to “increases in the quality of children’s moral reasoning, presumably because they’re motivated to understand their friend’s point of view,” says Gest.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Popularity\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>For young children, likeability is key, but in middle school “it’s not just about the kids you like anymore,” Mitch Prinstein says. Adolescent brains become activated in new ways and neurochemicals make tweens obsessed with the other kind of popularity, status. That’s not necessarily bad news for middle school friendship. “In the United States, status and likability were very distinct attributes—there was only modest overlap between those teenagers high in one quality and those high in the other,” Prinstein writes in the book \u003ca href=\"http://www.mitchprinstein.com/books/popular-book/\">Popular\u003c/a>: “But in China, adolescents who had high status were often also those who were judged to be the most likable.” That means educators should be able to channel this biological imperative for good, by creating a school culture where treating each other with compassion and inclusion has social currency.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Unsurprisingly, when schools successfully do that, “grades go up, attention goes up, wellness goes up, and other school outcomes go up,” Prinstein says. It’s easier said than done though. Laursen recommends a targeted approach with teachers identifying the most influential \u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-08239-008\">small friend groups\u003c/a> in each class and getting those kids on board with new norms first. “\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/50960/how-being-part-of-a-house-within-a-school-helps-students-gain-a-sense-of-belonging\">House\u003c/a>” programs offer another route to a more inclusive school culture.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When talking directly to tweens and teens about popularity, it’s best to be clear: There are two types of popularity. Those who are likable—who, for example, cooperate, share, ask questions, and listen well—tend to be more successful as adults, growing up to be employed and get promotions, Prinstein says. High-status tweens are more likely to abuse substances and have unsatisfying friendships and romantic relationships as adults. Prinstein boils it down for teens: “The long term outcome of treating other people basically kindly and getting people to like you is more important than getting people to think that you’re cool.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It will also likely offer them comfort to know that “being disliked in the past will affect us only insomuch as we allow it to dictate how we behave today,” and “we all have an opportunity to become more likable—maybe hundreds of opportunities each day, in fact,” as Prinstein says. And there are upsides to growing up with low status. Research has shown these folks often end up being “perceived by others as more empathetic and more sensitive in social situations.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Plus, humans don’t all want influential friends. Denworth says some people prefer a lower status friend’s undivided attention while others want to be well-connected. Psychologist Wendy Mogel says pointing that out to teens can validate friendships based on likeability. She also tells parents: “You don't want your kid to be in the tippy-top tier of the social pyramid, as that's a fluid and volatile place to be. They just need one friend they can be themselves with.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>The value of cross-group friendships\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Just who that one person is ordinarily depends on proximity and perceived \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">similarity\u003c/a>. But friendships across ethnicity, class, and gender have all been associated with better academic outcomes, Juvonen says. Students with friendships that bridge these divides—as well as differences in body size, ability, and sexuality—report lower levels of peer victimization. They’re also more likely to have a complex social identity (e.g., Latina, basketball player, sister, gamer) rather than drawing all of their self-worth from one aspect of themselves.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But even in ethnically diverse middle schools, less than half of sixth-graders have at least one \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31094557/\">cross-class friendship\u003c/a>. Girls are more likely to make cross-class friendships than boys, Juvonen has \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31094557/\">found\u003c/a>, and white students are less likely to do so than all other ethnic groups.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Forming \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">cross-group friendships\u003c/a> often depends on shifting the focus from patent similarities to ones that are less so. Author Sarah Shun-lien Bynum recently explained to the \u003ca href=\"https://www.newyorker.com/books/this-week-in-fiction/sarah-shun-lien-bynum-on-friendship-and-class\">New Yorker\u003c/a> of her novella \"Many a Little Makes\": “As I was writing about the girls’ friendship, I was trying to focus more on other sources of commonality, other lines of alliance: being unathletic, liking cake batter, getting one’s period.” Teachers can help move the needle both implicitly, by pointing out less obvious similarities like these, and explicitly, by explaining the data behind the value of friendships based on internal similarities and urging kids to judge each other on actions and attitudes rather than appearance.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Gendered friendship is a construct\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>One good place to start? Gender. The modern stereotype features women who share their innermost secrets and rally to one another’s side while men stick to sporting events and stiff back slaps. But Denworth lends some historical perspective: “If you consult Aristotle and Montaigne, it was men who believed they were most capable of deep friendship. ‘Men have friends, women have acquaintances,’ went a quote collected in Calcutta ... in the 1960s.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Contemporary research shows: “Men and women define the importance of friendship in a very similar fashion. They want to have friends who are authentic and loyal and trustworthy equally.” In class discussion, teachers can ask students to think critically about the way social mores influence their friendships. They can also suggest reviving opposite-sex friendships, which get a lot less common around second grade.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Social media and friendship\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Remember that status addiction phenomenon? “This predilection seems to be becoming even more pronounced now that teens can enter a social rewards lottery with every mouse click on social media,” Prinstein says. Although more than half of teenagers have made a new friend online, according to a large 2015 survey from Pew, Denworth points to the work of statistician and research scientist Ariel Shensa: “Young adults who had a larger percentage of real-life friends on social media, meaning greater overlap, were less likely to have depression. ‘If we use social media as a tool to extend in-person social relationships, great,’ Shensa says.” But kids should know that online-only friendships are less likely to make the cut after carefully weighing costs and benefits using the friendship formula.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>If you’re lonely, you’re not the only one\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Eighty percent of adolescents \u003ca href=\"https://nsuworks.nova.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1920&context=tqr\">experience loneliness\u003c/a> at school, and about 12 percent of 6,000 sixth-graders in one of Juvonen’s studies were not named as a friend by anyone. Students with no friends “receive lower grades and are \u003ca href=\"https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-95233-001\">less academically engaged\u003c/a>,” she says. \u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00461520.2019.1655645?journalCode=hedp20\">Research\u003c/a> has also tied friendlessness and exclusion to truancy, inability to focus, deficits in working memory, and lack of classroom participation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Teenagers should know the redemptive power of their friendship for these classmates. In \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0140197119301629\">one study\u003c/a>, Juvonen found that a high quality friendship right at the time of transitioning to high school could protect rejected youth “from engaging in unsupportive behaviors within romantic relationships” down the line. In \u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.13038\">another one\u003c/a>, she concluded that hanging out with a friend who had experienced victimization alleviated a bullied adolescent’s own victimization-related distress. Knowing the power of just one friendship to serve as a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">buffer\u003c/a> that disrupts the connection between loneliness and negative outcomes, may encourage some teenagers to reach out more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ms. Romero says, “It’s sad to see how many hands go up” when she asks “who’s experienced something like this,” during a short unit that includes reading the books \"My Secret Bully\" and \"Just Kidding\" in preparation for middle school. But, “it is also so powerful to open the Pandora's box on these taboo topics and start to talk about taking control and having agency.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s a shame teachers like her have to improvise, Gest says, but when it comes to adolescents, schools tend to “become very focused on drug use prevention or sex ed, and don’t really focus on the positive dimensions of relating with peers that might actually support those prevention goals.” He sees it as a marketing issue: “If you focus on a middle school curriculum that would build emotional regulation and social relationships, no schools would buy it. If you repackage the exact same curriculum and call it something about drug prevention, it will sell.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The experts’ bottom line when it comes to teaching about healthy friendship in middle schools?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Just say yes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This article is part of the “\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/tag/friendships\">Friendship in Schools\u003c/a>” series, which explores the complexities of friendship at various stages of learning.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/gailcornwall\">Gail Cornwall\u003c/a> works as a mother and writer in San Francisco. At various stages of her life she has been considered a reject, ruffian, and nerd. Her daughter was in Miriam Romero’s class at Rooftop School last year.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/57010/how-understanding-middle-school-friendships-can-help-students","authors":["byline_mindshift_57010"],"categories":["mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_21396","mindshift_21336","mindshift_20865","mindshift_145","mindshift_20568","mindshift_21134","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_57014","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_53306":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_53306","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"53306","score":null,"sort":[1556694412000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-mindfulness-can-help-teachers-and-students-manage-challenging-situations","title":"How Mindfulness Can Help Teachers and Students Manage Challenging Situations","publishDate":1556694412,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cem>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Excerpted from \"\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/039371313X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i4\">Mindfulness in the Secondary Classroom: A Guide for Teaching Adolescents\u003c/a>,\" (c) 2019 by Patricia C. Broderick. Used with permission of the publisher, W. W. Norton & Company. \u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Skillful Responding: The Mindful Way of Dealing with Challenges\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mindfulness, the awareness that is \u003cem>right here and right now\u003c/em>, \u003cem>nonjudgmental\u003c/em>, and \u003cem>open\u003c/em>, sounds relaxed, calm, and actually pretty great. Many moments invite mindful savoring, such as when we begin our long-awaited vacation, when we enjoy a delicious meal, or when we score the winning points for our team. But what happens when we really don’t want to be in \u003cem>this particular moment\u003c/em>? For most teachers and students, it’s an experience we know all too well. Let’s imagine that \u003cem>this\u003c/em> is the moment a parent challenges you in a meeting or the moment you learn that a colleague was diagnosed with a serious illness. For students, maybe \u003cem>this\u003c/em> is the moment you make a mistake in class, do something awkward in front of your friends, or learn that you were left out of a social gathering. These examples illustrate the range of human experience. Much of our daily experience is less emotionally charged, but for the sake of simplicity, let’s work with the examples above.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A vacation, a good meal, and a win are very pleasant, so we might meet these moments with anticipation and delight. We typically want to have more experiences like these. Dealing with difficult people can make us anxious, and we gear up for the possibility of a parent-meeting confrontation. Hearing bad news unnerves us, and we find all manner of reasons to put off calling the sick colleague. The in-class mistake, the public display of awkwardness, or the exclusion from a peer group can also upset students, who may feel like running away and hiding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each moment comes with its own feeling quality—pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral—even if we’re not always aware of it. The basic attitude we humans share about experience is that we want more of the pleasant variety and less (or none) of the unpleasant. In fact, “stress” could be just another name for “unpleasant.” It’s important to note that there’s no advantage in seeking out unpleasant experiences and nothing wrong with enjoying, sustaining, and appreciating the pleasant ones. In fact, mindfully savoring positive experience promotes resilience (Smith & Bryant, 2016). But, when we have problems coping without drama when the inevitable difficulties of life arise, or when we voluntarily add to our own stress burden, some balance needs to be restored.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fueled by the expectation that we \u003cem>can\u003c/em> make unpleasant things go away, we often try very hard to manage our stress or unpleasant experience by trying to fix it. After one round of a diet regimen, we regain most of the weight, and move on to another diet, and then another, with the same results. We use alcohol and other substances to help us relax and fix our troubles by forgetting, only to wake up in the middle of the night with the problems racing around in our heads. We become chronically irritable and overcontrolling toward a student who has a knack for getting on our nerves, anticipating her every annoying move in advance. There’s a cyclical quality to our stress management, characterized by repeated efforts to transform unpleasant situations into those that suit us better. Sometimes we manage to make this strategy work, but in the long term we usually end up facing the same problems over and over again, frustrating ourselves in the process.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It is sensible and intelligent to apply the skills of fixing and problem solving to those things that are amenable to change. Certainly, there’s no advantage in mindless acceptance of that which is inefficient or harmful to oneself or others. This is why we teach students to plan, reason, and problem solve (Elias & Tobias, 1996; Kendall & Braswell, 1982). For the most part, such approaches rely on logical thinking and are most successfully applied to well-defined problems with well-defined solutions, such as how to study, solve math problems, and eat healthfully. But not all teacher or student problems are \u003cem>well-defined\u003c/em> (Kitchener, 1983). Some of the very real challenges of life and the classroom are \u003cem>ill-defined \u003c/em>problems that have emotional underpinnings and no clear-cut answers. How can I handle my angry students? How can I manage to sustain empathy for parents who are uninvolved? How can I maintain my sense of balance when I’m constantly being asked to do more? Mindfulness offers another way to approach the difficult, ill-defined problems and uncomfortable feelings of real life, both for teachers and students. It begins by recognizing that uncomfortable feelings may be a signal that you need to act in some way, but \u003cem>that feelings are not, in themselves, the problem.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/039371313X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i4\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-53535\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2019/04/Broderick.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"212\" height=\"238\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/04/Broderick.jpeg 212w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/04/Broderick-160x180.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 212px) 100vw, 212px\">\u003c/a>Many of the risky and potentially dangerous behaviors of adolescents—procrastination, disruptiveness, disordered eating, cutting, drinking, violence, taking drugs, technological addiction, and so on—have a common denominator. They likely involve avoiding unpleasant emotional experience by trying to make it go away. The extent to which we do this is a measure of our \u003cem>distress tolerance\u003c/em> (García-Oliva & Piqueras, 2016; Simons & Gaher, 2005). We all have our limits, but individuals who are highly intolerant of distress and unable to cope adaptively have quick triggers and are more likely to suffer from a range of psychological and behavioral problems (Zvolensky & Hogan, 2013). We know that we are primed to react consciously and unconsciously to threat. High levels of stress or trauma can sensitize people to stress, making the slings and arrows of life more difficult for them to bear. Sometimes, risky behavior like drug abuse can start as an attempt to silence the memories of past pain. But our generally allergic reaction to unpleasantness can also be manifested in more ordinary ways, like avoiding boring homework, cutting classes, or misbehaving. Student behaviors that attempt to make unwanted, uncomfortable feelings like inadequacy, boredom, restlessness, or anxiety go away are common, and they are also supported by certain implicit assumptions. Specifically, we appear to endorse the culturally reinforced belief that unpleasant things \u003cem>should\u003c/em> go away. When we can’t make the unpleasant parts of life go away, we often pile on some judgment, criticizing ourselves and others for life’s imperfect circumstances.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It bears repeating that it’s not harmful to try to fix problems or make things better. This is just common sense. The problem is that without some awareness of our knee-jerk inclination to perceive unpleasant things as threatening, our attempts to fix certain things can make them worse. Imagine this hypothetical scenario. A student is walking up the school stairway surrounded by classmates. He stumbles badly, falls and hits his knee, dropping the athletic equipment and books he is carrying, and lands face downward on the stairs. The rest of the kids turn to see what happened. Some ask if he’s okay; others start to giggle and poke fun at him. His face feels flushed, his heart races, and his knee really hurts. He hurriedly pulls himself together and moves along as quickly as he can. From the outside, it looks like he’s recovered. But on the inside, his mind races: \u003cem>They must think I’m really stupid. Come on, don’t be a baby. Suck it up and get back up. Don’t show them you got hurt. I know someone tripped me. I’ll show them. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The mental chatter resumes later as he thinks about his friends’ teasing, fueling his internal distress. Every time he passes that stairway, he remembers himself sprawled on the stairs. He’s sure everyone else remembers it, too. Ruminative processing about how he could be so clumsy plays out in an endless mental loop. He attempts to avoid and suppress the embarrassment of the incident by placing the blame on others and plotting some revenge. Not only is the fall unpleasant in terms of the physical sensations in the body, but his discomfort is amplified by his evaluative stream of thoughts. Mental elaboration sustains the unpleasantness of the physical injury, creating emotional distress. Pain is felt in the knee, but suffering is in the mind. It’s a double whammy. His automatic thoughts and emotions trigger the physiological cascade associated with the stress response. His mind continues its playback loop in an effort to justify his experience and avoid feelings of shame and helplessness. And, perhaps most importantly, these efforts are largely ineffective, because the painful memory surfaces again and again. Students are not the only ones who handle perceived threats by trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Similar thought streams (e.g., \u003cem>I shouldn’t have to put up with this. Things shouldn’t be so hard\u003c/em>) might also sound familiar to teachers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You might be wondering what the alternative is, given our ingrained human habit of trying to change or avoid the unpleasant. Maybe it’s not too surprising that contemporary researchers have recognized what many traditional approaches to well-being have long stated: avoidance of negative or uncomfortable emotions is usually not helpful, let alone possible (Hayes, 1994). While avoidance of unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and sensations may produce some immediate gratification, chronic avoidance is associated with a number of problematic outcomes when it becomes a coping style (Spinhoven, Drost, de Rooij, van Hemert, & Penninx, 2014). This knowledge might be particularly important for adolescents, whose brains are especially sensitive to emotional experience and whose habits of coping are becoming established.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Adolescents report more daily experience of negative affect from ages 10 to 18 (Larson, Moneta, Richards & Wilson, 2002) but have more difficulty identifying and sorting out their feelings of anger, sadness, fear, disgust, and upset compared to younger children and adults (Nook, Sasse, Lambert, McLaughlin & Somerville, 2018). Presumably, the adolescent experience of negative affect involves co-occurring emotions that are more complex than those experienced in childhood and that pose greater coping challenges. As described in the hypothetical example, commonly used adolescent strategies for coping with distress (e.g., emotion avoidance, emotion suppression, and rumination) are maladaptive and related to more problems down the line. Although avoidance of emotional experience may offer short-term relief, the longer-term consequences can include depression, anxiety, restricted opportunity, and poor social relationships (Eastabrook, Flynn, & Hollenstein, 2014). Rumination, or the repetitive focus on negative events, thoughts, or feelings in order to reduce the pain of a situation, is a well-known risk factor for depression and anxiety among youth and adults (Rood, Roelofs, Bögels, Nolen-Hoeksema, & Schouten, 2009). A recent examination of multiple studies showed that the maladaptive strategies many youth employ to manage their emotional distress actually play a \u003cem>causal\u003c/em> \u003cem>role\u003c/em> in the development of subsequent problems (Schäfer, Naumann, Holmes, Tuschen-Caffier, & Samson, 2017). Many major mental disorders have their start in adolescence, and less severe symptoms of disorders like anxiety and depression are alarmingly common (Lee et al., 2014; Spear, 2009).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The mental advances that secondary school teachers recognize in their students, such as the ability to reason abstractly or to take the perspective of others, also come with a price. Because youth can think abstractly, they can also engage in hypothetical thinking (e.g., \u003cem>What if I were richer or thinner, like her?\u003c/em>) and can reach counterfactual conclusions (e.g., \u003cem>Then I would be happier\u003c/em>). The very same mentalizing skills that allow students to take the perspective of Atticus Finch in Harper Lee’s novel, \u003cem>To Kill a Mockingbird\u003c/em>, allow them to imagine and mull over what their peers and teachers are thinking \u003cem>about them\u003c/em> (Blakemore & Mills, 2014). Social media offers a ready platform for comparing oneself to others, a process called \u003cem>social comparison\u003c/em>. Social comparison processes, already elevated during adolescence, are exacerbated by excessive media use and linked to depressive symptoms (Nesi & Prinstein, 2015). Cyberbullying is perceived as especially threatening to adolescents because one’s shaming is on public display, comparison with others is exposed, and social isolation is threatened (Nilan, Burgess, Hobbs, Threadgold, & Alexander, 2015).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Overall, despite many obvious advantages, adolescent changes in cognitive and emotional development can lead to increased rumination and emotional distress for some youth. Just as educators work diligently to prepare students with academic knowledge and skills for the next stage of their life, so, too, should we prepare them with other life skills related to healthy emotion regulation. The importance of this social and emotional skill set can’t be overestimated for adolescents, who are at an age when emotionality increases and adult patterns of emotion regulation are beginning to be consolidated (Paus, Keshavan, & Giedd, 2008).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>How Mindfulness Helps Regulate Emotions\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A major developmental advance during adolescence is the increasing ability to reason, make decisions, and think abstractly. These kinds of cognitive processes are rational and logical, referred to as “cool cognitions” (e.g., \u003cem>These are the factors that led to the civil war, \u003c/em>or \u003cem>Here are some steps I can take to break down this project\u003c/em>), and they are often taught in decision making and study skills courses (Bergmann & Rudman, 1985). When thinking and decision making are done in an emotional context, as in a group of peers, cognition can be less rational. The so-called emotional or “hot cognitions” can distort thinking and underlie many impulsive acts (e.g., \u003cem>Forget about that homework. Let’s party!\u003c/em>). It’s difficult for most of us, but especially for adolescents, to override powerful emotions in order to think coolly and rationally, even if we know better. The student who keeps checking her phone in class can’t seem to resist seeing her best friend’s messages despite her teacher’s disapproval. The student who fell on the stairs may not easily let go of his angry thoughts. In an effort to feel more of the pleasant things, like excitement, and fewer of the unpleasant things, like rejection or shame, adolescents may behave in ways that prove unproductive, especially if these behaviors ultimately become well-established patterns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mindfulness gets to the root of these tendencies by encouraging exploration and acceptance of all feelings, without judgment. Mindful awareness of one’s thoughts and emotions includes not just being present and curious about pleasant experience, but about \u003cem>all\u003c/em> experience. This is a hard but crucial truth. Mindfulness is not about feeling a certain way; it’s about feeling whatever is present in your life right now in order to have greater discernment about how to respond. This involves changing our relationship to feelings, perhaps especially to unpleasant ones. Rather than trying to escape as soon as we notice them, we actually acknowledge them, and perhaps even make some peace with them. This is what the practice of awareness and nonreactivity fosters.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some studies show that simply being focused on observing thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations is not helpful and may even add to anxiety (e.g., \u003cem>Oh no, here comes that anxious thought again!\u003c/em>). Importantly, it’s how we observe—nonjudgmentally, with curiosity, and without reactivity—that promotes emotion regulation (e.g., \u003cem>Where is the anxiety in my body right now? Can I be curious about it? Can I simply watch the anxious thoughts come and go?\u003c/em>) (Baer et al., 2008; Desrosiers, Curtiss, Vine, & Klemanski, 2014).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The process of observing emotions and thoughts nonreactively offers us a glimpse into the operations of our mind. Instead of being caught up as the lead performer in our mental drama, we have a front-row seat for the play. This permits greater perspective and deeper understanding. It also tempers the fear we often have of feeling our own feelings, because there is less automatic avoidance. If we \u003cem>are\u003c/em> avoiding something, we notice that as well, but without commentary and without judging. Emotions become more tolerable because we have the courage to feel them, and from our new vantage point, we can see that they ebb and flow. There is less pressure to fix them and greater acceptance of our basic human experience.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dispassionate observation and acknowledgement of experience, both pleasant and unpleasant, is a lot easier to do when the focus is on the breath or on some activity like eating. This is why teachers often start there. But the rubber really hits the road with stress. Compassionate acknowledgment of our unpleasant feelings and our typical ways of coping with them (e.g., harsh self criticism, lashing out, mental brooding, gossip, bullying, self-harm) is the doorway to reducing our reactivity and lessening our stress overall. We notice the inner mental and emotional experience, and, as best we can, we let it be. This practice has an interesting effect: It releases us from trying to solve the problem of unpleasant emotions. We struggle and stress less. We find less reactive and more regulated ways of working with difficult, ill-defined problems. We pull the plug, metaphorically speaking, to deactivate the stress cascade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>A Mindful Approach to Challenges\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We know, at some deep level, that feeling our fear, anger, shame, irritation, anxiety, and sadness is better than masking it. But because it’s not what we usually do, we need to practice. You can try a mindfulness experiment when you next experience something unpleasant (i.e., stress). Maybe your child is cranky before school and you have to rush to get yourself to work. \u003cem>Unpleasant\u003c/em>. Perhaps a person who was supposed to help you with a project doesn’t show up. \u003cem>Unpleasant\u003c/em>. Perhaps your back pain returns or a student disrupts your class and you can’t finish your lesson. \u003cem>Unpleasant\u003c/em>. We can’t escape all stress, but we don’t need to make it worse. Remember that no one is advocating we deliberately try to make ourselves uncomfortable or search out unpleasant experiences in order to suffer more. There are plenty of naturally occurring events throughout the day when we don’t get our own way. Simply acknowledging the affective quality of our experience (i.e., pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral) and the accompanying bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings adds a different perspective to the experience, building resilience and grit (Duckworth, 2016). This kind of emotional resilience can protect adolescents from being overwhelmed by intense feelings of anger, sadness, or other distressing emotions that can lead to destructive actions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Teachers are natural caregivers whose instincts are often oriented to making things better, so mindfulness of one’s own tendency to avoid discomfort is also a good starting point. When it comes to emotions, not everything can be fixed or made pleasant, and we can’t use performance-based thinking for emotional issues. Many adolescents have come to believe that only pleasant emotions are acceptable and that uncomfortable emotions are a sign of personal weakness or substandard performance in life. This fallacy presents a great but avoidable mental burden. It is critically important that students learn to recognize their uncomfortable feelings \u003cem>in the moment\u003c/em> and understand that they do not have to \u003cem>like\u003c/em> these feelings if they are to regulate distress in a balanced and wholesome way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Teachers can help students understand their own tendency to cover up unpleasant feelings by modeling emotional balance. For example, teachers might respond to student pressure or complaints about schoolwork by acknowledging the obvious dissatisfaction without fixing or confrontation. It may be possible, when there is clearly something causing stress in the classroom, to recognize it openly, nonjudgmentally, and in the moment, thus modeling for students a mindful approach to unpleasant circumstances. The practices included in this chapter can provide the foundation for this emotional skill.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sometimes pressures related to time or performance demands, fatigue, restlessness, and boredom build up in the classroom, and students react in negative ways. Simply avoiding the obviousness of the circumstances by pressing ahead can make matters worse. Allowing students to take a few mindful breaths or engage in some movement can demonstrate acceptance of the situation (e.g., \u003cem>I know we’ve been working hard, and you’re feeling tired\u003c/em>) and provide tools for stress management. Simple recognition of the body and feeling its sensations (e.g., \u003cem>noticing feet on the floor, tension in the shoulders\u003c/em>) without changing anything can be a particularly effective antidote to stress. Body awareness or \u003cem>interoception\u003c/em> helps students regulate their stress because it grounds attention in the physical body and reduces the amplification of distress caused by spiraling thought streams and emotional reactivity (Roeser & Pinela, 2014).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While classroom “peace corners” or places where students can go to self-regulate are becoming more popular for younger children (Lantieri, 2002), they are not usually available to adolescents. The purpose of a classroom peace corner is to provide students a safe place where they have an opportunity to handle strong emotions by recognizing them, accepting them, and restoring balance. They can then find a responsible way to act without hurting themselves or others. The opportunity to take a voluntary break to restore emotional control is certainly something adolescents need. Offering some nondisciplinary means for this process in secondary education settings could help adolescents develop better self-regulation and ultimately improve learning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-53541\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2019/05/Broderick-e1556730490247.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"298\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/05/Broderick-e1556730490247.jpeg 300w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/05/Broderick-e1556730490247-160x191.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">Patricia Broderick, PhD, is a research associate at the Penn State Prevention Research Center. She is a licensed psychologist, certified school psychologist, certified school counselor, and the author of a mindfulness curriculum. She is the author of \"\u003cspan class=\"s1\">\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/039371313X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i4\">Mindfulness in the Secondary Classroom: A Guide for Teaching Adolescents.\u003c/a>\"\u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Learning how to notice and accept how one is feeling -- even if it's uncomfortable -- is a helpful first step towards managing one's emotions and attaining a sense of mindfulness. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1556730520,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":28,"wordCount":3670},"headData":{"title":"How Mindfulness Can Help Teachers and Students Manage Challenging Situations | KQED","description":"Learning how to notice and accept how one is feeling -- even if it's uncomfortable -- is a helpful first step towards managing one's emotions and attaining a sense of mindfulness. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How Mindfulness Can Help Teachers and Students Manage Challenging Situations","datePublished":"2019-05-01T07:06:52.000Z","dateModified":"2019-05-01T17:08:40.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"53306 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=53306","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2019/05/01/how-mindfulness-can-help-teachers-and-students-manage-challenging-situations/","disqusTitle":"How Mindfulness Can Help Teachers and Students Manage Challenging Situations","nprByline":"Patricia C. Broderick","path":"/mindshift/53306/how-mindfulness-can-help-teachers-and-students-manage-challenging-situations","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp class=\"p1\">\u003cem>\u003cspan class=\"s1\">Excerpted from \"\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/039371313X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i4\">Mindfulness in the Secondary Classroom: A Guide for Teaching Adolescents\u003c/a>,\" (c) 2019 by Patricia C. Broderick. Used with permission of the publisher, W. W. Norton & Company. \u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Skillful Responding: The Mindful Way of Dealing with Challenges\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mindfulness, the awareness that is \u003cem>right here and right now\u003c/em>, \u003cem>nonjudgmental\u003c/em>, and \u003cem>open\u003c/em>, sounds relaxed, calm, and actually pretty great. Many moments invite mindful savoring, such as when we begin our long-awaited vacation, when we enjoy a delicious meal, or when we score the winning points for our team. But what happens when we really don’t want to be in \u003cem>this particular moment\u003c/em>? For most teachers and students, it’s an experience we know all too well. Let’s imagine that \u003cem>this\u003c/em> is the moment a parent challenges you in a meeting or the moment you learn that a colleague was diagnosed with a serious illness. For students, maybe \u003cem>this\u003c/em> is the moment you make a mistake in class, do something awkward in front of your friends, or learn that you were left out of a social gathering. These examples illustrate the range of human experience. Much of our daily experience is less emotionally charged, but for the sake of simplicity, let’s work with the examples above.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A vacation, a good meal, and a win are very pleasant, so we might meet these moments with anticipation and delight. We typically want to have more experiences like these. Dealing with difficult people can make us anxious, and we gear up for the possibility of a parent-meeting confrontation. Hearing bad news unnerves us, and we find all manner of reasons to put off calling the sick colleague. The in-class mistake, the public display of awkwardness, or the exclusion from a peer group can also upset students, who may feel like running away and hiding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Each moment comes with its own feeling quality—pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral—even if we’re not always aware of it. The basic attitude we humans share about experience is that we want more of the pleasant variety and less (or none) of the unpleasant. In fact, “stress” could be just another name for “unpleasant.” It’s important to note that there’s no advantage in seeking out unpleasant experiences and nothing wrong with enjoying, sustaining, and appreciating the pleasant ones. In fact, mindfully savoring positive experience promotes resilience (Smith & Bryant, 2016). But, when we have problems coping without drama when the inevitable difficulties of life arise, or when we voluntarily add to our own stress burden, some balance needs to be restored.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fueled by the expectation that we \u003cem>can\u003c/em> make unpleasant things go away, we often try very hard to manage our stress or unpleasant experience by trying to fix it. After one round of a diet regimen, we regain most of the weight, and move on to another diet, and then another, with the same results. We use alcohol and other substances to help us relax and fix our troubles by forgetting, only to wake up in the middle of the night with the problems racing around in our heads. We become chronically irritable and overcontrolling toward a student who has a knack for getting on our nerves, anticipating her every annoying move in advance. There’s a cyclical quality to our stress management, characterized by repeated efforts to transform unpleasant situations into those that suit us better. Sometimes we manage to make this strategy work, but in the long term we usually end up facing the same problems over and over again, frustrating ourselves in the process.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It is sensible and intelligent to apply the skills of fixing and problem solving to those things that are amenable to change. Certainly, there’s no advantage in mindless acceptance of that which is inefficient or harmful to oneself or others. This is why we teach students to plan, reason, and problem solve (Elias & Tobias, 1996; Kendall & Braswell, 1982). For the most part, such approaches rely on logical thinking and are most successfully applied to well-defined problems with well-defined solutions, such as how to study, solve math problems, and eat healthfully. But not all teacher or student problems are \u003cem>well-defined\u003c/em> (Kitchener, 1983). Some of the very real challenges of life and the classroom are \u003cem>ill-defined \u003c/em>problems that have emotional underpinnings and no clear-cut answers. How can I handle my angry students? How can I manage to sustain empathy for parents who are uninvolved? How can I maintain my sense of balance when I’m constantly being asked to do more? Mindfulness offers another way to approach the difficult, ill-defined problems and uncomfortable feelings of real life, both for teachers and students. It begins by recognizing that uncomfortable feelings may be a signal that you need to act in some way, but \u003cem>that feelings are not, in themselves, the problem.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/039371313X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i4\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-53535\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2019/04/Broderick.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"212\" height=\"238\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/04/Broderick.jpeg 212w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/04/Broderick-160x180.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 212px) 100vw, 212px\">\u003c/a>Many of the risky and potentially dangerous behaviors of adolescents—procrastination, disruptiveness, disordered eating, cutting, drinking, violence, taking drugs, technological addiction, and so on—have a common denominator. They likely involve avoiding unpleasant emotional experience by trying to make it go away. The extent to which we do this is a measure of our \u003cem>distress tolerance\u003c/em> (García-Oliva & Piqueras, 2016; Simons & Gaher, 2005). We all have our limits, but individuals who are highly intolerant of distress and unable to cope adaptively have quick triggers and are more likely to suffer from a range of psychological and behavioral problems (Zvolensky & Hogan, 2013). We know that we are primed to react consciously and unconsciously to threat. High levels of stress or trauma can sensitize people to stress, making the slings and arrows of life more difficult for them to bear. Sometimes, risky behavior like drug abuse can start as an attempt to silence the memories of past pain. But our generally allergic reaction to unpleasantness can also be manifested in more ordinary ways, like avoiding boring homework, cutting classes, or misbehaving. Student behaviors that attempt to make unwanted, uncomfortable feelings like inadequacy, boredom, restlessness, or anxiety go away are common, and they are also supported by certain implicit assumptions. Specifically, we appear to endorse the culturally reinforced belief that unpleasant things \u003cem>should\u003c/em> go away. When we can’t make the unpleasant parts of life go away, we often pile on some judgment, criticizing ourselves and others for life’s imperfect circumstances.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It bears repeating that it’s not harmful to try to fix problems or make things better. This is just common sense. The problem is that without some awareness of our knee-jerk inclination to perceive unpleasant things as threatening, our attempts to fix certain things can make them worse. Imagine this hypothetical scenario. A student is walking up the school stairway surrounded by classmates. He stumbles badly, falls and hits his knee, dropping the athletic equipment and books he is carrying, and lands face downward on the stairs. The rest of the kids turn to see what happened. Some ask if he’s okay; others start to giggle and poke fun at him. His face feels flushed, his heart races, and his knee really hurts. He hurriedly pulls himself together and moves along as quickly as he can. From the outside, it looks like he’s recovered. But on the inside, his mind races: \u003cem>They must think I’m really stupid. Come on, don’t be a baby. Suck it up and get back up. Don’t show them you got hurt. I know someone tripped me. I’ll show them. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The mental chatter resumes later as he thinks about his friends’ teasing, fueling his internal distress. Every time he passes that stairway, he remembers himself sprawled on the stairs. He’s sure everyone else remembers it, too. Ruminative processing about how he could be so clumsy plays out in an endless mental loop. He attempts to avoid and suppress the embarrassment of the incident by placing the blame on others and plotting some revenge. Not only is the fall unpleasant in terms of the physical sensations in the body, but his discomfort is amplified by his evaluative stream of thoughts. Mental elaboration sustains the unpleasantness of the physical injury, creating emotional distress. Pain is felt in the knee, but suffering is in the mind. It’s a double whammy. His automatic thoughts and emotions trigger the physiological cascade associated with the stress response. His mind continues its playback loop in an effort to justify his experience and avoid feelings of shame and helplessness. And, perhaps most importantly, these efforts are largely ineffective, because the painful memory surfaces again and again. Students are not the only ones who handle perceived threats by trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Similar thought streams (e.g., \u003cem>I shouldn’t have to put up with this. Things shouldn’t be so hard\u003c/em>) might also sound familiar to teachers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You might be wondering what the alternative is, given our ingrained human habit of trying to change or avoid the unpleasant. Maybe it’s not too surprising that contemporary researchers have recognized what many traditional approaches to well-being have long stated: avoidance of negative or uncomfortable emotions is usually not helpful, let alone possible (Hayes, 1994). While avoidance of unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and sensations may produce some immediate gratification, chronic avoidance is associated with a number of problematic outcomes when it becomes a coping style (Spinhoven, Drost, de Rooij, van Hemert, & Penninx, 2014). This knowledge might be particularly important for adolescents, whose brains are especially sensitive to emotional experience and whose habits of coping are becoming established.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Adolescents report more daily experience of negative affect from ages 10 to 18 (Larson, Moneta, Richards & Wilson, 2002) but have more difficulty identifying and sorting out their feelings of anger, sadness, fear, disgust, and upset compared to younger children and adults (Nook, Sasse, Lambert, McLaughlin & Somerville, 2018). Presumably, the adolescent experience of negative affect involves co-occurring emotions that are more complex than those experienced in childhood and that pose greater coping challenges. As described in the hypothetical example, commonly used adolescent strategies for coping with distress (e.g., emotion avoidance, emotion suppression, and rumination) are maladaptive and related to more problems down the line. Although avoidance of emotional experience may offer short-term relief, the longer-term consequences can include depression, anxiety, restricted opportunity, and poor social relationships (Eastabrook, Flynn, & Hollenstein, 2014). Rumination, or the repetitive focus on negative events, thoughts, or feelings in order to reduce the pain of a situation, is a well-known risk factor for depression and anxiety among youth and adults (Rood, Roelofs, Bögels, Nolen-Hoeksema, & Schouten, 2009). A recent examination of multiple studies showed that the maladaptive strategies many youth employ to manage their emotional distress actually play a \u003cem>causal\u003c/em> \u003cem>role\u003c/em> in the development of subsequent problems (Schäfer, Naumann, Holmes, Tuschen-Caffier, & Samson, 2017). Many major mental disorders have their start in adolescence, and less severe symptoms of disorders like anxiety and depression are alarmingly common (Lee et al., 2014; Spear, 2009).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The mental advances that secondary school teachers recognize in their students, such as the ability to reason abstractly or to take the perspective of others, also come with a price. Because youth can think abstractly, they can also engage in hypothetical thinking (e.g., \u003cem>What if I were richer or thinner, like her?\u003c/em>) and can reach counterfactual conclusions (e.g., \u003cem>Then I would be happier\u003c/em>). The very same mentalizing skills that allow students to take the perspective of Atticus Finch in Harper Lee’s novel, \u003cem>To Kill a Mockingbird\u003c/em>, allow them to imagine and mull over what their peers and teachers are thinking \u003cem>about them\u003c/em> (Blakemore & Mills, 2014). Social media offers a ready platform for comparing oneself to others, a process called \u003cem>social comparison\u003c/em>. Social comparison processes, already elevated during adolescence, are exacerbated by excessive media use and linked to depressive symptoms (Nesi & Prinstein, 2015). Cyberbullying is perceived as especially threatening to adolescents because one’s shaming is on public display, comparison with others is exposed, and social isolation is threatened (Nilan, Burgess, Hobbs, Threadgold, & Alexander, 2015).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Overall, despite many obvious advantages, adolescent changes in cognitive and emotional development can lead to increased rumination and emotional distress for some youth. Just as educators work diligently to prepare students with academic knowledge and skills for the next stage of their life, so, too, should we prepare them with other life skills related to healthy emotion regulation. The importance of this social and emotional skill set can’t be overestimated for adolescents, who are at an age when emotionality increases and adult patterns of emotion regulation are beginning to be consolidated (Paus, Keshavan, & Giedd, 2008).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>How Mindfulness Helps Regulate Emotions\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A major developmental advance during adolescence is the increasing ability to reason, make decisions, and think abstractly. These kinds of cognitive processes are rational and logical, referred to as “cool cognitions” (e.g., \u003cem>These are the factors that led to the civil war, \u003c/em>or \u003cem>Here are some steps I can take to break down this project\u003c/em>), and they are often taught in decision making and study skills courses (Bergmann & Rudman, 1985). When thinking and decision making are done in an emotional context, as in a group of peers, cognition can be less rational. The so-called emotional or “hot cognitions” can distort thinking and underlie many impulsive acts (e.g., \u003cem>Forget about that homework. Let’s party!\u003c/em>). It’s difficult for most of us, but especially for adolescents, to override powerful emotions in order to think coolly and rationally, even if we know better. The student who keeps checking her phone in class can’t seem to resist seeing her best friend’s messages despite her teacher’s disapproval. The student who fell on the stairs may not easily let go of his angry thoughts. In an effort to feel more of the pleasant things, like excitement, and fewer of the unpleasant things, like rejection or shame, adolescents may behave in ways that prove unproductive, especially if these behaviors ultimately become well-established patterns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mindfulness gets to the root of these tendencies by encouraging exploration and acceptance of all feelings, without judgment. Mindful awareness of one’s thoughts and emotions includes not just being present and curious about pleasant experience, but about \u003cem>all\u003c/em> experience. This is a hard but crucial truth. Mindfulness is not about feeling a certain way; it’s about feeling whatever is present in your life right now in order to have greater discernment about how to respond. This involves changing our relationship to feelings, perhaps especially to unpleasant ones. Rather than trying to escape as soon as we notice them, we actually acknowledge them, and perhaps even make some peace with them. This is what the practice of awareness and nonreactivity fosters.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some studies show that simply being focused on observing thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations is not helpful and may even add to anxiety (e.g., \u003cem>Oh no, here comes that anxious thought again!\u003c/em>). Importantly, it’s how we observe—nonjudgmentally, with curiosity, and without reactivity—that promotes emotion regulation (e.g., \u003cem>Where is the anxiety in my body right now? Can I be curious about it? Can I simply watch the anxious thoughts come and go?\u003c/em>) (Baer et al., 2008; Desrosiers, Curtiss, Vine, & Klemanski, 2014).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The process of observing emotions and thoughts nonreactively offers us a glimpse into the operations of our mind. Instead of being caught up as the lead performer in our mental drama, we have a front-row seat for the play. This permits greater perspective and deeper understanding. It also tempers the fear we often have of feeling our own feelings, because there is less automatic avoidance. If we \u003cem>are\u003c/em> avoiding something, we notice that as well, but without commentary and without judging. Emotions become more tolerable because we have the courage to feel them, and from our new vantage point, we can see that they ebb and flow. There is less pressure to fix them and greater acceptance of our basic human experience.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dispassionate observation and acknowledgement of experience, both pleasant and unpleasant, is a lot easier to do when the focus is on the breath or on some activity like eating. This is why teachers often start there. But the rubber really hits the road with stress. Compassionate acknowledgment of our unpleasant feelings and our typical ways of coping with them (e.g., harsh self criticism, lashing out, mental brooding, gossip, bullying, self-harm) is the doorway to reducing our reactivity and lessening our stress overall. We notice the inner mental and emotional experience, and, as best we can, we let it be. This practice has an interesting effect: It releases us from trying to solve the problem of unpleasant emotions. We struggle and stress less. We find less reactive and more regulated ways of working with difficult, ill-defined problems. We pull the plug, metaphorically speaking, to deactivate the stress cascade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>A Mindful Approach to Challenges\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We know, at some deep level, that feeling our fear, anger, shame, irritation, anxiety, and sadness is better than masking it. But because it’s not what we usually do, we need to practice. You can try a mindfulness experiment when you next experience something unpleasant (i.e., stress). Maybe your child is cranky before school and you have to rush to get yourself to work. \u003cem>Unpleasant\u003c/em>. Perhaps a person who was supposed to help you with a project doesn’t show up. \u003cem>Unpleasant\u003c/em>. Perhaps your back pain returns or a student disrupts your class and you can’t finish your lesson. \u003cem>Unpleasant\u003c/em>. We can’t escape all stress, but we don’t need to make it worse. Remember that no one is advocating we deliberately try to make ourselves uncomfortable or search out unpleasant experiences in order to suffer more. There are plenty of naturally occurring events throughout the day when we don’t get our own way. Simply acknowledging the affective quality of our experience (i.e., pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral) and the accompanying bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings adds a different perspective to the experience, building resilience and grit (Duckworth, 2016). This kind of emotional resilience can protect adolescents from being overwhelmed by intense feelings of anger, sadness, or other distressing emotions that can lead to destructive actions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Teachers are natural caregivers whose instincts are often oriented to making things better, so mindfulness of one’s own tendency to avoid discomfort is also a good starting point. When it comes to emotions, not everything can be fixed or made pleasant, and we can’t use performance-based thinking for emotional issues. Many adolescents have come to believe that only pleasant emotions are acceptable and that uncomfortable emotions are a sign of personal weakness or substandard performance in life. This fallacy presents a great but avoidable mental burden. It is critically important that students learn to recognize their uncomfortable feelings \u003cem>in the moment\u003c/em> and understand that they do not have to \u003cem>like\u003c/em> these feelings if they are to regulate distress in a balanced and wholesome way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Teachers can help students understand their own tendency to cover up unpleasant feelings by modeling emotional balance. For example, teachers might respond to student pressure or complaints about schoolwork by acknowledging the obvious dissatisfaction without fixing or confrontation. It may be possible, when there is clearly something causing stress in the classroom, to recognize it openly, nonjudgmentally, and in the moment, thus modeling for students a mindful approach to unpleasant circumstances. The practices included in this chapter can provide the foundation for this emotional skill.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sometimes pressures related to time or performance demands, fatigue, restlessness, and boredom build up in the classroom, and students react in negative ways. Simply avoiding the obviousness of the circumstances by pressing ahead can make matters worse. Allowing students to take a few mindful breaths or engage in some movement can demonstrate acceptance of the situation (e.g., \u003cem>I know we’ve been working hard, and you’re feeling tired\u003c/em>) and provide tools for stress management. Simple recognition of the body and feeling its sensations (e.g., \u003cem>noticing feet on the floor, tension in the shoulders\u003c/em>) without changing anything can be a particularly effective antidote to stress. Body awareness or \u003cem>interoception\u003c/em> helps students regulate their stress because it grounds attention in the physical body and reduces the amplification of distress caused by spiraling thought streams and emotional reactivity (Roeser & Pinela, 2014).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While classroom “peace corners” or places where students can go to self-regulate are becoming more popular for younger children (Lantieri, 2002), they are not usually available to adolescents. The purpose of a classroom peace corner is to provide students a safe place where they have an opportunity to handle strong emotions by recognizing them, accepting them, and restoring balance. They can then find a responsible way to act without hurting themselves or others. The opportunity to take a voluntary break to restore emotional control is certainly something adolescents need. Offering some nondisciplinary means for this process in secondary education settings could help adolescents develop better self-regulation and ultimately improve learning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-53541\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2019/05/Broderick-e1556730490247.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"298\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/05/Broderick-e1556730490247.jpeg 300w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2019/05/Broderick-e1556730490247-160x191.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">Patricia Broderick, PhD, is a research associate at the Penn State Prevention Research Center. She is a licensed psychologist, certified school psychologist, certified school counselor, and the author of a mindfulness curriculum. She is the author of \"\u003cspan class=\"s1\">\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/039371313X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i4\">Mindfulness in the Secondary Classroom: A Guide for Teaching Adolescents.\u003c/a>\"\u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/53306/how-mindfulness-can-help-teachers-and-students-manage-challenging-situations","authors":["byline_mindshift_53306"],"categories":["mindshift_192","mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_20784","mindshift_1040","mindshift_841","mindshift_21134","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_53532","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_49063":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_49063","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"49063","score":null,"sort":[1504283102000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"4-digital-tools-to-help-students-increase-appreciation-and-self-worth-in-any-classroom","title":"4 Digital Tools to Help Students Increase Appreciation and Self-Worth in Any Classroom","publishDate":1504283102,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">As teachers, we sometimes forget that little, everyday actions in the classroom have a huge impact on our students' lives. Just a small offering of appreciation can transform relationships and boost student self-worth. Simple tokens of gratitude, such as \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://www.clickorlando.com/education/students-protest-osceola-county-teachers-firing\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">students voicing their appreciation for a fired teacher\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, can shift the climate of entire schools and strengthen the bonds among teachers, kids, and the community. But it’s not just about recognition -- it's also about supporting and inspiring others. Studies have shown that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://www.umkc.edu/facultyombuds/documents/grant_gino_jpsp_2010.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">when someone gets appreciated, they feel more socially valued, and this can lead to prosocial behavior\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. In other words, when someone receives thanks, they are more likely to pay it forward. The more teachers express and practice gratitude, the more inclined students will be to do the same, leading to a more supportive and equitable world.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Check out these picks to help students develop a greater sense of self-worth and inspire a positive classroom culture. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/this-i-believe\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-49065\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-240x240.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-375x375.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/this-i-believe\">\u003cb>This I Believe\u003c/b>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This inspirational site focuses on the writing, sharing, and discussing of people's core beliefs through short essays. Students can practice listening to or reading essays about what others have to say. After spending some time in the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://thisibelieve.org/theme/gratitude/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Gratitude\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> section, students can then compose and publish their own self-reflective essay on the site. Guide students towards understanding that success often depends on not letting others force you to break your own core beliefs and values.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/diy\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-49066\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/diy\">\u003cb>DIY\u003cbr>\n\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">DIY site gets kids \"making.\" Whether they're \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://diy.org/skills/beekeeper\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">harvesting honey\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://diy.org/skills/circuitbender\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">building a circuit\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, or \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://diy.org/skills/filmmaker\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">creating their own film\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, kids complete challenges in various skill areas by posting their creations online and getting helpful feedback. Have students practice expressing thanks for any comments they receive, and further reciprocate kindness by commenting on others’ creations. Letting others know you’re grateful and demonstrating openness to receiving feedback can be integral factors in developing self-worth.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/mindprint-learning\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-49067\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0.jpg 458w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-240x240.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-375x375.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/mindprint-learning\">\u003cb>Mindprint Learning\u003c/b>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Students take online assessments to measure their strengths and challenges -- like processing speed or verbal reasoning. Teachers can use Mindprint's \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://s3.amazonaws.com/wordpress_uploads/site/uploads/2014/04/SharingMindprintwithaChild-1.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">advice\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> to discuss the results with each student, helping them appreciate the assets they’ve been given.\u003c/span> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> With this assessment, kids can learn to self-advocate for their own success by making a plan to build on their strengths, while also addressing any weaknesses. Hopefully students will believe in themselves a little more, and be more willing to pick up new skills.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/app/seesaw-the-learning-journal\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-49068\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/app/seesaw-the-learning-journal\">\u003cb>Seesaw: The Learning Journal\u003c/b>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Seesaw's digital portfolio allows students to submit a variety of work, such as videos, pictures, or drawings. They then can reflect on their learning through a voice recording. Have students practice describing their work to parents and teachers. Teachers can help students take pride in their achievements, and work with parents to send encouraging notes back to students. Through the tool, educators are able to facilitate communication that is supportive and builds student confidence.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This article’s content is an extension of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/blog/we-all-teach-sel-inspiring-activities-for-every-classroom\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We All Teach SEL\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> blog series from Common Sense Education. Check it out for a complete look at social and emotional learning in the classroom.\u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"The ability to appreciate others can spread positive experiences to oneself and others. Common Sense Education reviewed four apps that can help students and teachers develop and express gratitude. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1504283102,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":16,"wordCount":523},"headData":{"title":"4 Digital Tools to Help Students Increase Appreciation and Self-Worth in Any Classroom | KQED","description":"The ability to appreciate others can spread positive experiences to oneself and others. Common Sense Education reviewed four apps that can help students and teachers develop and express gratitude. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"4 Digital Tools to Help Students Increase Appreciation and Self-Worth in Any Classroom","datePublished":"2017-09-01T16:25:02.000Z","dateModified":"2017-09-01T16:25:02.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"49063 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=49063","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2017/09/01/4-digital-tools-to-help-students-increase-appreciation-and-self-worth-in-any-classroom/","disqusTitle":"4 Digital Tools to Help Students Increase Appreciation and Self-Worth in Any Classroom","nprByline":"\u003ca href “https://www.commonsense.org/education/users/danny-wagner>Danny Wagner, Common Sense Education\u003c/a>","path":"/mindshift/49063/4-digital-tools-to-help-students-increase-appreciation-and-self-worth-in-any-classroom","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">As teachers, we sometimes forget that little, everyday actions in the classroom have a huge impact on our students' lives. Just a small offering of appreciation can transform relationships and boost student self-worth. Simple tokens of gratitude, such as \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://www.clickorlando.com/education/students-protest-osceola-county-teachers-firing\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">students voicing their appreciation for a fired teacher\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, can shift the climate of entire schools and strengthen the bonds among teachers, kids, and the community. But it’s not just about recognition -- it's also about supporting and inspiring others. Studies have shown that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://www.umkc.edu/facultyombuds/documents/grant_gino_jpsp_2010.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">when someone gets appreciated, they feel more socially valued, and this can lead to prosocial behavior\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. In other words, when someone receives thanks, they are more likely to pay it forward. The more teachers express and practice gratitude, the more inclined students will be to do the same, leading to a more supportive and equitable world.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Check out these picks to help students develop a greater sense of self-worth and inspire a positive classroom culture. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/this-i-believe\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-49065\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-240x240.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-375x375.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/ThisIBelieve-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/this-i-believe\">\u003cb>This I Believe\u003c/b>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This inspirational site focuses on the writing, sharing, and discussing of people's core beliefs through short essays. Students can practice listening to or reading essays about what others have to say. After spending some time in the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://thisibelieve.org/theme/gratitude/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Gratitude\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> section, students can then compose and publish their own self-reflective essay on the site. Guide students towards understanding that success often depends on not letting others force you to break your own core beliefs and values.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/diy\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-49066\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/diy-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/diy\">\u003cb>DIY\u003cbr>\n\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">DIY site gets kids \"making.\" Whether they're \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://diy.org/skills/beekeeper\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">harvesting honey\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://diy.org/skills/circuitbender\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">building a circuit\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, or \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://diy.org/skills/filmmaker\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">creating their own film\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, kids complete challenges in various skill areas by posting their creations online and getting helpful feedback. Have students practice expressing thanks for any comments they receive, and further reciprocate kindness by commenting on others’ creations. Letting others know you’re grateful and demonstrating openness to receiving feedback can be integral factors in developing self-worth.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/mindprint-learning\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-49067\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0.jpg 458w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-240x240.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-375x375.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/mindprint_0-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/website/mindprint-learning\">\u003cb>Mindprint Learning\u003c/b>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Students take online assessments to measure their strengths and challenges -- like processing speed or verbal reasoning. Teachers can use Mindprint's \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://s3.amazonaws.com/wordpress_uploads/site/uploads/2014/04/SharingMindprintwithaChild-1.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">advice\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> to discuss the results with each student, helping them appreciate the assets they’ve been given.\u003c/span> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> With this assessment, kids can learn to self-advocate for their own success by making a plan to build on their strengths, while also addressing any weaknesses. Hopefully students will believe in themselves a little more, and be more willing to pick up new skills.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/app/seesaw-the-learning-journal\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-49068\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2017/08/Seesaw-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/app/seesaw-the-learning-journal\">\u003cb>Seesaw: The Learning Journal\u003c/b>\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Seesaw's digital portfolio allows students to submit a variety of work, such as videos, pictures, or drawings. They then can reflect on their learning through a voice recording. Have students practice describing their work to parents and teachers. Teachers can help students take pride in their achievements, and work with parents to send encouraging notes back to students. Through the tool, educators are able to facilitate communication that is supportive and builds student confidence.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This article’s content is an extension of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.commonsense.org/education/blog/we-all-teach-sel-inspiring-activities-for-every-classroom\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We All Teach SEL\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> blog series from Common Sense Education. Check it out for a complete look at social and emotional learning in the classroom.\u003c/span>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/49063/4-digital-tools-to-help-students-increase-appreciation-and-self-worth-in-any-classroom","authors":["byline_mindshift_49063"],"categories":["mindshift_194","mindshift_195"],"tags":["mindshift_20912","mindshift_20583","mindshift_20784","mindshift_1040","mindshift_21133","mindshift_21134","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_49159","label":"mindshift"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? 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Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. Because everyone needs a little help being human.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch\">\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/lifekit\">\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />","airtime":"SUN 9pm-10pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Code-Switch-Life-Kit-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg","meta":{"site":"radio","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/code-switch-life-kit","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/1112190608?mt=2&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnByLm9yZy9yc3MvcG9kY2FzdC5waHA_aWQ9NTEwMzEy","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/3bExJ9JQpkwNhoHvaIIuyV","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510312/podcast.xml"}},"commonwealth-club":{"id":"commonwealth-club","title":"Commonwealth Club of California Podcast","info":"The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. 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You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn","officialWebsiteLink":"/mindshift/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"2"},"link":"/podcasts/mindshift","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindshift-podcast/id1078765985","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/464615685/mind-shift-podcast","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx"}},"morning-edition":{"id":"morning-edition","title":"Morning Edition","info":"\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. 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