How Can Character Count in Sports When Winning is Everything?

Last fall, a star soccer player at St. Benedicts Academy in New Jersey was suspended for two games after brawling with players from the opposing team and then grabbing a photographer by the throat who caught the tussle on film. A post-game handshake went bad in Louisiana after a high-stakes football game when a player from Natchitoches Central High School punched an opponent, sending him to the hospital. In Pennsylvania, s prominent soccer coach at Conestoga High School was quietly placed on leave after being caught making prop bets on basketball games with students from the school.

Bleak stories like these have become so common in youth and high school sports that few stories hold public attention for very long. Ask referees and umpires who oversee youth competitions and they’ll tell you that sportsmanship has worsened, especially among parents; thousands of sports officials have resigned as a result. Even so, according to a 2024 Harris poll, 93 percent of mothers and fathers believe that sports build character in kids. And despite or because of the uptick in misbehavior at kids’ games, parents claim to value character education in sports and want coaches who respect ethics.

Most school athletic departments design mission statements that define what the school claims to value in its sports programs. Many refer obliquely to honesty, integrity and moral development, laudable attributes that coaches are expected to help develop in their players. St. Benedicts Academy, for example, asserts that athletics are “about character, camaraderie and embracing values that withstand a lifetime.” But such statements often fail to reflect, or challenge, the reality of competitive school sports, where defeating an opponent can take priority over lessons in integrity and fair play. Hopes among some players of securing Name, Image and Likeness deals in college also can reduce high school sports to brand-building opportunities. Talk of team loyalty and selflessness can seem quaint and unrealistic.

According to Sharon Stoll, who runs the Center for Ethics at the University of Idaho, the research is definitive about athletics building what she calls “social character”: teamwork, perseverance, loyalty and work ethic.

But these qualities lack a moral dimension; terrorists, after all, can be highly disciplined and hard working. When it comes to beneficence, responsibility, justice and honesty — the foundational principles of ethics — athletes are no more likely to understand and embrace them than kids in the stands.

“Most sports are about motor skills, not moral skills,” Stoll told me. “It doesn’t magically happen because you are walking or biking or jogging,” she added. The central dilemma for coaches is this: what are you willing to do to win?

Some schools take deliberate steps to include character education in their sports programs. At the Menlo School in California, for example, water polo coach Jack Bowen offers a model for how coaches and schools can make character development central to their teams. Bowen believes that athletic teams offer a natural setting for teaching moral reasoning because ethical quandaries pop up frequently in sports — and kids who play are a captive audience for learning.

Ethics education for the team starts during preseason, when Bowen assigns articles for the players to read. Most of the stories are unrelated to sport. Then he invites the teenagers to talk about what they learned, first in smaller groups and then as a whole team; the smaller groups allow for more emotional risk-taking, Bowen said.

The team also immerses itself in the athletic department’s mission statement which elevates four central ideas: pursue excellence, celebrate team, honor the game and uphold strong values. The discussion isn’t a one-time event. Rather, Bowen elicits players’ opinions on ethical challenges that emerge throughout the season, striving to reconcile the mission with what they’re doing in practice and during games.

During the 2025 season, for example, Bowen noticed one of the Menlo players waving sarcastically at a teenager from the opposing team when that player fouled out. Because he cared for the teenager’s development and believes in the principles that guide the team, Bowen pulled his own player out of the pool.

“I had to do it and the team understood,” Bowen said. It wasn’t a punishment, he added. Afterwards, the coach and player talked at length about what happened and how mocking an opponent, even subtly, dishonored the game.

Sean Spellman, the head basketball coach at the Roxbury Latin School in Massachusetts, emphasizes a less formal concept of character building on his teams.

“It starts with the philosophy of the school and knowing and loving each one of the athletes,” Spellman told me. “There’s a genuine care and connection there, regardless of how they are as a defensive basketball player.”

This year, he handed out a 65-question survey to the team that went beyond sports. Who do they admire? When do they feel their best — and worst? During one weekly film session, which Spellman uses to connect personally with the players, he introduced “Teammate Jeopardy” to encourage kids to learn about each other. Like Bowen, Spellman engages the team in collective conversations: What does it mean to have pride and be part of the Roxbury Latin community? What do we value here? While transparent about the adolescents’ play, Spellman assures the teenagers that their basketball skills don’t diminish their value to the group as a person.

He strives to make the character dimension of sports tangible, even during the tensest moments of a game. Spellman will “burn a timeout,” as he put it, to remind the players during tight plays that it’s how they handle the high-stakes experiences that matter most, because they’ll have many more to grapple with as they age. “I cherish what this high school sports experience is,” he said.

Coaches need help figuring out how to balance competing goals. To that end, a graduate student of Dr. Stoll’s, Samantha Lewis, launched a podcast to help them talk through some of the ethical issues they’ll encounter. The Coach’s Dilemma: What Will You Do to Win? addresses moral reasoning, trash talk, the impact of Name, Image, Likeness deals and more.

Both coaches said that the wider culture makes these lessons harder to teach. Spellman lamented the way some team sports have mutated into vehicles for individual performances, with kids fussing over their metrics to the exclusion of the group.

“You’re trying to sell something that’s not being taught in our society,” Bowen said. Stoll reminded me that kids and teenagers need guidance to develop character through sports. They need engaged role models, a supportive environment and formal and informal education.

“Someone has to teach the moral values, someone has to be there helping the children navigate through life,” Stoll added.