Yes, Teens Are Glued to Their Screens, But Here’s What We’re Missing

When kids can’t seem to look away from their screens, some parents respond by “pulling the digital rug out” from underneath their kids by removing phones, limiting screen time or deleting apps entirely. But Carrie James, director of Project Zero at Harvard Graduate School of Education, urges families not to overcorrect. “We don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater,” she said.

For years, James and her research team have been studying how young people grow up with technology. Through this work, she’s noticed a pattern: adults often misunderstand the challenges and benefits of kids’ digital lives. They may view tech negatively, when in reality, kids’ relationship to their devices are nuanced. “In some cases, there are [online] cultures that can be positive and supportive,” said  James. “But in other cases, they can play into some of the challenges and hard stuff.”

After several years of conducting research with students, James co-founded the Center for Digital Thriving, which develops research-backed strategies to help educators and families support kids in navigating tech in healthy, values-driven ways. “Technology is built into the fabric of young people’s lives,” said James. “So how can we support them with the skills, the dispositions and the sense of agency to make good choices?” The Center for Digital Thriving highlights ways adults might shift their thinking so they can help young people thrive in a world with evolving and increasingly absorbing tech tools. 

Name the Thinking Traps

A growing number of young people are struggling with anxiety, depression and feelings of disconnection. “Too often, the conversation, especially lately, pinpoints technology as a cause of these things,” said James. For example, a teen prone to comparison might feel worse after scrolling through polished Instagram posts. Or a student already worried about friendships might spiral after seeing that a message was “left on read.” James calls this a thinking trap, which is a cognitive distortion that kicks in when a person makes assumptions without evidence. “There’s a lot of distance between what we see and what people are actually thinking,” she said.

Because adolescent brains are built for connection, the pull of the phone can be particularly hard to resist. “Even the things that appear neutral or benign can play on those adolescent vulnerabilities,” said James. “Adolescents care what their friends think, they care very much about the status of their friendships, their place in the world and how people look at them.”

However, adults also feel the pull of persuasive design features like notifications, infinite scroll and streaks, too. Recognizing this can increase empathy and build common ground, which can shift adults from an “us vs. them” mindset to an “us and them” approach when it comes to technology.

To help students notice how technology may influence their thought patterns, the Center created a glossary of seven thinking traps, drawn from cognitive behavioral therapy. These include “mind reading,” “personalizing” and “all-or-nothing thinking.” Just learning about these traps can make them easier to manage. “Our hope is that it opens up a bigger conversation about some of the psychological vulnerabilities we all have,” said James. “We can acknowledge that some of what we’re reading may not be real.” Young people are also encouraged to prove themselves wrong when they recognize that they are falling into these patterns of thinking by seeing what evidence they have and asking themselves what advice they’d give a friend who is experiencing this same thinking trap.

Start With Values, Not Apps

When kids seem stressed or glued to their screens, many parents start by asking: “What is it about Instagram?” or “Why does TikTok pull you in?” James recommended a different approach that focuses on kids’ needs rather than the tech itself. A helpful tool is the Value Sort activity, which asks students to select personal values like honesty, creativity or justice and reflect on how technology helps or hinders those values. “And in some cases, with the same value, it can be a bit of both,” James explained. 

This kind of reflection makes space for student agency. Instead of being told what matters, young people get to name what’s important to them. And that often motivates more meaningful conversations. James also highlights a study where researchers looked at design tricks like notifications and pop-up ads using values as a frame. “They drew the connection between those design features and values like autonomy and fairness and justice that adolescents tend to care about,” said James. She noted that highlighting values like autonomy and fairness is usually an effective motivator for students because they do not want to be told what to do whether it’s by their parents or their devices. 

Tech Habits, Not Tech Shaming

Many students already feel conflicted about their relationship with screens. In interviews, they told James things like, “I don’t want to look back at my childhood and think I wasted it on a pointless game,” or “My friends are always glued to their phones and so am I. And I hate that.”

To help kids feel less alone and more empowered the Center created the Tech Habits Challenge. Students pair up and interview each other using a guided worksheet, starting with questions like: “What’s a tech habit you feel good about?”  Leading with a positive question signals to students that we see the good things they’re already doing to take care of their digital wellbeing, said James.

Then, they reflect on one habit they want to change, which may include checking a certain app less or using it differently. Students create a five-day plan, brainstorm alternatives and identify someone to hold them accountable. Crucially, students choose the goal themselves. One student, for example, wanted to keep using Snapchat, but cut back on checking her boyfriend’s location. Her goal was not to quit, but to use the app in a way that aligned better with her values.

The activity can also work at home. “Every person in the family chooses their own pet peeve tech habit that they’re trying to address. And you’re kind of in it together, recognizing that there are persuasive features and technology that we’re all susceptible to. We all engage unintentionally in things that don’t make us feel good,” said James.