An ex-CIA rogue has taken control of a pretty Caribbean island nation, transforming it into a repressive narco-state. Who ya gonna call?
Well, the Losers might be available. And then there’s the A-Team. Or maybe the Expendables. All three groups of ragtag yet invincible mercenaries are pretty much equivalent. In fact The Expendables’ director, co-writer and star Sylvester Stallone might just as well have called his squad of grizzled bad boys The Interchangables.
If Barney (Stallone) and his crew don’t exhibit much personality, it’s partially because they’re too busy fighting. The movie opens breathlessly on a ship in the Gulf of Aden, where the Expendables dispatch a group of ruthless Somali pirates. Depicted partially in low-def video, the showdown resembles a ultraviolent video game, complete with spurting gore and exploding flesh.
After the triumphant bloodbath, Barney banishes one of his team, Gunner (Dolph Lundgren), for lack of restraint. (Scruples; it’s nice to have scruples. Though as it turns out, Barney’s top lieutenants — played by Jason Statham and Jet Li — aren’t exactly career diplomats; when the final battle arrives, they and the other Exes (Terry Crews and Randy Couture) will exterminate scores of soldiers with no more qualms than they might swat mosquitoes.)
In the lull following that pirate shootout, the Exes retire to their garage/clubhouse, a shrine to tattoos, motorcycles, ’70s blues-rock and knife-throwing contests. (There’s no visible “No Girls Allowed” sign, but it must be there somewhere.) This macho theme park is supervised by Tool, played by Mickey Rourke, who appears not to have showered since Iron Man 2. Don’t get attached, though; his role is only slightly bigger than those of Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, who share one amusing, in-jokey scene with Stallone.