As animal lovers everywhere know, the Westminster Kennel Club has never been a place where dogs could freely derp.
Rather, it’s a place where basset hounds wear turbans:
Löwchens are forced to wear assless bellbottoms:
And even the lowly pugs have to don bowties:
At least the poodles get to be poodles, I guess?
So, what an immensely special treat that this year, the Annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show decided to add a new activity to the competition roster: dock diving. The principal is simple:
Sounds straightforward enough, but dock diving in action is quite a thing to behold. Just check out this chaos monster named Ruger doing his thing on Saturday.
Something extra special happens, however, when you capture diving dogs with still photography. The photos that have emerged from the 2023 Westminster competition have evoked a variety of very specific moods and feelings, while also effectively portraying these dogs’ personalities in all their stupid glory.
Let’s see how this played out for some of the Very Good Pups in question.
Those eyeballs and outstretched paws say one thing and one thing only. “Look, ma, I just wanted my toy. And now you’ve tricked me into big bathtime in front of all of these strangers. And you better believe revenge is a dish best served cold because it may not happen today and it may not happen tomorrow, but I’ll get you for this, you hear me? Eventually I’ll get you for this…”
You know that final scene in The Witch, when Anya Taylor-Joy starts levitating over an open fire with a group of naked witches? And she’s all poised and stoked and perfectly comfortable with her life decisions? This dog. This dog right here. Same thing.
You can tell that this slender, majestic fella has been training for this his whole life. He’s also been watching Michael Phelps diving footage on YouTube around the clock for the last year, giving his pawrents cause for concern. “Why don’t you take a break and go play with the other dogs?” his mom would plead. “I want you to find some joy while you’re still young!”
“I have to be a winner,” long boi would reply earnestly. “Winning is my only joy. You know that.”
Near, far, wherever you are, here’s a floofy sweetheart who still has wonder in her eyes and warmth in her heart. Might she turn out to be a door hog once she’s in the water? Sure. But while she’s floating above it, looking out on the horizon? That’s all love, baby.
We all know about stage moms — the parents who will stop at nothing to turn their little darlings into superstars. Did you know about dog diver daddies though? We didn’t either but, boy howdy, looks like the same thing from this angle.
Out of the depths! A boop-worthy snoot, thrashing in the water and, above all, the thrill of the hunt! … Hope you found your squeaky ball, dude.
Best of luck to all the woofers competing.
