Every winter, scores upon scores of schmaltzy seasonal movies get spewed upon the public in an opportunistic deluge that rarely results in anything memorable. This year, there were at least 170 (!) and all of them — every single one — were aimed at the broadest (blandest?) possible audience. Meaning: They were boring.
For those of us who want Christmas movies that don't revolve around (a) romance, (b) coming home to a small town after living a big city, or (c) saving a local business, viewing options are few and far between. Which is why this year, I decided to lean into a few Christmas movies from bygone years that are so bizarre, you’ll wonder what your eggnog’s been spiked with.
Even better? All are available to stream for free. Hold onto your shelf elf!
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Before we get into it, I should probably mention that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is one of the worst movies ever made. You will marvel, throughout its 80 minutes, that people agreed to be in it and that entire teams of presumably rational humans worked on it.
Why am I telling you to watch it then? Because this is a sci-fi period piece that also happens to be as child-friendly as it is excellent fodder for a drinking game. (Drink every time someone fake-laughs at one of Santa’s “jokes”! Drink every time you notice weird, thinly veiled sexism! Drink throughout the last 10 minutes lest you feel like you’re on a bad acid trip!)